Lee opened the door of the flat and was relieved that he couldn't see Lucy. He didn't want to have to answer any questions about tonight, he felt so guilty about kissing Kate that he didn't want to face her. Assuming Lucy was in the kitchen or her bedroom, he decided if he was quiet enough he could go straight to bed without disturbing her.
"Cuppa?"
Lee jumped as Lucy seemed to appear out of nowhere. He could forget that plan then.
"Where did you spring from?"
"The bathroom. I've just had a bath, hence the bathrobe. You should try it some time".
"What, wearing your bathrobe? I don't think it would fit me".
Lucy rolled her eyes.
"Why were you tiptoeing? You normally crash around making as much noise as possible when you come in after a night out".
"When was the last time I did that? Maybe I'm more thoughtful than I used to be. People change".
"Hmmm. How was your evening?"
Lee had no choice other than to follow Lucy into the kitchen.
"Alright. Food was nice".
"And the company?"
"Kate was...she was Kate, hasn't really changed to be honest".
Lee sat at the breakfast bar, watching Lucy as she filled the kettle with water and switched it on. As she reached up to take their mugs from the shelf it became obvious she was wearing nothing underneath her bathrobe, and Lee looked away quickly. He felt his cheeks flush as he stared at the floor, unable to stop his mind wandering to that night a few months ago when he Lucy had almost had sex because she wanted a baby and he'd agreed to father it. She'd worn that same bathrobe then, letting it fall to the floor to reveal her naked body to him. She had the most beautiful body. Stop it Lee, he thought to himself, think about something else, something unsexy. An unwanted erection was the last thing he needed right now.
"So, did you get answers about why she left?"
Lucy sat on the stool next to him, waiting for the kettle to boil.
"Yes".
"And?"
"She had good reasons, personal reasons. I don't think it's fair I start telling people her business".
Lucy felt a bit hurt that Lee seemed unwilling to talk about his evening.
"How very gentlemanly of you. As long as you got your explanation I suppose".
"So...erm...she didn't invite you back to her hotel then? No offer of a night of passion to resolve your unfinished business?"
Lee shifted awkwardly on the stool.
"I'm here aren't I? That's all you need to know".
Lucy started to get suspicious then.
"I see, a gentleman doesn't kiss and tell right?"
Oh God, Lee thought. She can tell I kissed Kate, I've been found out. He was sure he'd been careful to wipe the traces of her lipstick off his mouth.
"I never said anything about kissing. There's no unfinished business".
"If she'd asked you back, you would have gone?"
"No".
"When have you ever turned down an offer of sex?"
"I have actually.
"When?"
"More times than you realise, including the other month, when you wanted me to father your child".
"That was different. Name another time".
"Alright then, no point in lying...tonight".
"Ah...so she did try to seduce you? I knew she would, she seems like the type".
"She's not. Unless you mean the type that fancies me. I know it might be hard to believe but they do exist. Some women actually find me attractive".
"I believe it".
Lee looked at Lucy, trying to read her expression. Their eyes locked, the atmosphere around them now thick with tension.
"So...why did you turn her down?".
"Because I don't want have sex with Kate. I don't feel that way about her anymore".
Lucy felt her whole body relax, the level of relief she felt taking her by surprise.
"Will you be seeing her again before she goes back home?"
"She's asked me to meet her again tomorrow actually".
"To try and seduce you again?"
"No, she gets it, that I'm not interested. There's someone she wants me to meet apparently".
"Who?"
"I've no idea, she wouldn't tell me".
"Strange".
"I know".
"All will be revealed tomorrow I suppose. So, what she she up to these days? Apart from trying to get you into bed. Is she still into all that self help and self improvement stuff?"
"She is. She proffered several pieces of her wisdom".
"Go on then, what are her suggestions for you improving yourself? To stop using humour and other tactics to avoid confronting your emotions and get out of meaningful conversations?"
"No".
"Oh, so was it something more achievable then like learning how to close the toilet seat lid after you've used it?"
"She actually said I should have more confidence in myself, she reckons despite appearances I've got low esteem".
"You know what, I may not be that woman's biggest fan but she's right. You're always putting yourself down, and you shouldn't".
"I know, I don't really need to, I've got you for that".
"I don't put you down. Well, if I do you know I only do it with l...affection. You've got a lot more to offer than you think".
"Thanks", Lee said quietly.
The fact that Lucy had almost said 'I only do it with love' hadn't gone unnoticed by Lee, and he dared not look up from staring at the kitchen table. He so desperately wanted to open up to Lucy now, especially as it seemed like she might be receptive.
Something was stopping him though, as it always did at these moments, these moments of almost spilling his heart out to Lucy that were happening more and more often these days.
His anxiety was stopping him, and fear that the now ridiculous level of sexual tension in the room might cause him to spontaneously combust at any moment. His fight or flight response was kicking in, and it was telling him to get out of this conversation. He had to escape to bed, to sleep on it, think about the words he would use to finally tell Lucy he loved her. If he tried to say something now it would only come out as garbled nonsense.
He faked a yawn.
"Tired?"
Even though she went along with it Lucy wasn't fooled by his badly acted yawn. She knew he just didn't want to continue this conversation.
"Yeah, I think I'll take my cup of tea to bed if you don't mind".
"Okay", Lucy sighed.
There it was again, the all too familiar frustration that just at the point where their conversation had seemed to be heading in the direction Lucy wanted, Lee had cut it short. For a few hopeful moments she had thought tonight might be the night, the night Lee finally opened up to her about his feelings. The night she would finally be able to tell him her own. But once again it was not meant to be. Maybe it was never meant to be