Madison
Garret's confession has left me conflicted. He had no right to ask me to keep such a secret. I could end his leadership saying any of this further. Or could I? He wanted to take care of each and every soldier and abandoned family member. Would it really be that bad? I couldn't decide.
I could break the vow, that Garret tricked me into, the problem was... I didn't want to. Mom and dad talked about something like this for ages, only for themselves. Garret wanted to take care of everybody. And in that I wanted to aid him. At least by not outing him.
Another question was helping this Wes hacker friend of his. I didn't like the thought of him walking in all in white and solving the riddle, that took me a year of attempts. Using the most powerful server I knew, I run dictionary attack again.
There was no progress when I woke up next morning... As usually. My nails were chipped and broken after the desert chase two days ago and I wondered over my breakfast of porridge and fruit, if it would be acceptable to go have them done. I got a tiny room with a bunk bed all for myself, mom decided to live with dad this time. They kicked St Christopher out of his "suit" and moved into the tiny room. This made me wonder. In the US we thought we followed the Order's rules of austerity, yet these... officer's quarters were so tiny and the Patriarch's office so severe, that I wondered over the values of the Order all over again. The bases I've seen growing up were practical, but the ostentatious austerity of London accommodations were repulsive to me. In that the Order suddenly became an... well Order and all of us really were knights serving a vengeful god of death. I grimaced at the thought and was woken from my reverie by my father addressing me from where he sat on the other side of the table in my parent's room. Again I understood the need for supplying the troops with orphans. Not because the soldiers, or rather knight's died at too young age, but because what women would wish to live in such environment and bring children into it?
Don't get me wrong, the floors were of washed oak as was the sturdy double bed with gray covers, and the just as sturdy closet, dresser, table and chairs. Everything was of good quality and clearly intended to last. But it was so clear that comfort was not intention of these spaces. The only decoration in the room was a wrought iron cross on the white wall. And my mother haven't done anything about it and I wasn't sure she could...
"What did Sebastian talk to you about?" I almost jolted hearing my father's question and for a split-second I scrambled for a plausible answer.
"The man who's come with him, Wesley is a hacker and he was to help Garret with the trove." This was true and easy to guess anyway. "Garret wanted me to explain Wes, what I've already found out about the Trove."
"And what did you do?" Was the next question.
"I said I'll think about it." I answered relieved.
"And what do you think?" Come my father's next question. There was no genuine interest in his question though. He wasn't my father now, he was an interrogator. I hated these switches, usually I was a witness though, not the object of his professional attention. For once I understood why mom felt she needed to protect me from the whole soldier side of existence. This time mom stayed silent though.
"I think I'll ask you." I answered sweetly, but his demeanor didn't change as I hoped.
Frowning, dad continued to pierce me with blue grey eyes.
"Good idea. I think you should work with them and as soon as you gain information needed to get to the trove, you give it to me. This will give us an advantage, we can get our money before that snotty whelp and his bunch of grunts."
I was shocked.
"What... What do you want me to do?" I couldn't do that. Not now. Not after all we've been through.
"You need to help him and then give us the information about the trove." He said and rose indicating the talk was over.
After he left I turned to mom.
"Do you agree?"
Mom sighed and tuned her tired green eyes on me. They were full of sadness.
"Agree, disagree. Baby, you've seen two battles now. How many do you think we can survive in current power constellation? Even when we have the Trove, it will not magically grant us trained troops and infrastructure to wage war against Talon like in the old days. I don't want anyone in my family to die. Instead of dad serving maybe for years to support your education, we can just grab couple of millions and live easily for the rest of our lives." She said flatly, she wasn't proud of telling me that.
I itched to ask about, what she'd said in Vegas, about me working and supporting myself but relented. What Garret has planned for them was exactly what my parents wanted, and aiding him I wasn't betraying them.
I took a sip of my water and changed the topic.
I sat down in a nook of the staircase to paint my nails. My room was too claustrophobic and there was a large window of small rectangular pieces of sheer white glass framed in some metal. The nook begged to be sit in, but I guess it never happened in a place like headquarters of the order of St George because, even though the window was set very deep there was no shelf, just white wall. I touched it carefully and it didn't stain my fingers so I sat on the hard stone and allowed the sun warm me through the panes, while I filed my nails, pushed the cuticles and then applied beautiful amaranth colored polish.
The staircase was quite vast and soldiers walking up and down the stairs didn't come too close to me, so I had peace too.
Garret came back with Tristan this morning apparently and now that the crew was complete and Joseph's death forgotten, plotting of the election started for good.
I was glad to be in the periphery of the drama.
"Hello Madison." I almost smudged my pinky when the deep voice spoke right beside me.
I looked up at Tristan, who send me one of his easy smiles. Smile nr 5, make lady's heart skip a bit. Smile nr 7 make her panties damp. I mused suddenly irritated as I answered.
"Hi Lieutenant, so the dragon didn't eat you?"
"No, thank you for caring." Bastardly smile. "But please, do not let me disturb your task."
He said politely.
I remembered his remark about my nails in the morning of the clone attack.
"You must think it's a complete waste of time." I said defensively and hated myself for letting him bait me.
"Oh no. It looks like it requires patience and precision. Both skills necessary to be a good sniper." He answered seriously.
"What about aiming?" I asked looking for the barb in his praise.
"It will come. Garret asked me to tell you, that Wes is not coming today. You get more time to think." He said and went upstairs probably towards Garret's office. I shouldn't call it that, he wasn't a Patriarch yet.
"What do you mean you don't know? Madison, you had one task. To keep an eye on Garret and his inner circle. What have you done all day?"
I shifted uncomfortably wanting to hide my nails. We ate supper at my parent's bedroom.
"Let her eat Jason. She's tired too." This time mom intervened on my behalf.
"She'll have the rest of her life to rest!" Was my dad's retort.
"Madison you must focus! You're not a child anymore! This is the crucial part of this game. I need you to do better than paint your nails all day four days before election of the new Patriarch!"
A clump of mashed potatoes grew as I tried to swallow it. I felt tears stinging under my eyelids.
"I don't want to play your game." I choked out. "I don't want to be your spy among our own people. Did you even think how does it feel for me to try to steal from a boy whom I ..." I couldn't finish.
"Jason." Mom said in a warning tone, but my dad ignored her as he hissed.
"The boy whom you what?! God! What's wrong with you girl?! Garret Xavier Sebastian doesn't care about you, he's used you to undermine my position in the western chapterhouse that's all. Have you gotten your head full of his semen too, that now you cannot think clearly, you silly girl?"
"Shut up! Jason you don't talk to her like that!" Mom was positively horrified. Still reeling from shame his words stirred in me, I rose on shaky legs and bolted for my room.
"Hallo? Madison?" Josh voice sounded in my ear as I tried to catch breath to speak.
"My dad said I..." I burst into tears. I couldn't get myself to say these words.
"Can you meet me?" I asked instead.
"Of course, I'll be there in forty minutes."
"I'll meet you outside." I said and started to pack.
I had my laptop bag, that held manicure set, nail polish remover and two shades of nail polish. Apart from clothes dragon girls borrowed me, that were being washed, I only had soldier's clothes and I hated those now more than ever. So I just packed my laptop, my passport and phone and went out. I wore black cargo pants a t-shirt and a camouflage jacket. I abhorred my attire but I didn't have time to change.
I saw Josh walking towards me and as good as ran toward him. He looked good in civilian clothes. Dressed in blue jeans, black t-shirt and grey blazer, he blended perfectly with the street crowd. He's replaced his boots with cognac color shoes and looked so different from two days ago. There was something about his gait, he seemed... free.
I threw myself into his arms crying and he walked me to a green area nearby, where we sat on a bench and I told him what happened.
He sighed deeply.
"I'm sorry Maddie, you deserve better than that." He said and rubbed my arm.
"Maddie? Nobody calls me that anymore." I said smiling despite my hurt.
"May I call you that again?" Josh asked.
Smiling broadly I nodded, happy that someone wanted to have their name for me again. He spread his arms and I leaned in for a hug. The hug helped.
"What do you want to do now?" He asked next and my spirits dropped. I didn't know, I had no place to go. I knew no-one in London.
"I don't know" I said looking up at the grayish sky. It was summer but the weather was quite unstable. I missed reliable warmth and sun of the desert. I almost laughed at the notion.
"I need to help Garret." I said and ignored that Josh gritted his teeth slightly.
He was still loyal to my dad. He didn't condone dad mistreating me, but probably would have followed dad's lead... I needed to do what I needed to do I realized suddenly. I knew who I was and what I stood for and between nails and cracking codes I was also critical of the old Order and loyal to garret's cause, no more war.
I straightened and Josh released me from his embrace. I missed it immediately, it was great to be held, to believe that someone else would fight my battles for me, while I was safe in their strong embrace.
"Thanks for coming. I appreciate, really. But I have to go. You must show me the city one day."
I rose from the bench.
"Where will you go?" Josh asked.
"First I'll go back." I said and let him walk me back to the front doors of the building. It was getting dark outside.
Josh didn't want to go in, he wished me luck and I watched him walk away. There was this new strange quality of freedom radiating from his every step. I realized, that I've never felt free. I've never expected to be free. I thought this was life, juggling dad's demands and mom's hopes that the life I was going to have, that would to be unlike hers... I connected to Peter over computer stuff, with mom by beauty routines, and dad sometimes gave me this moment of attention and unconditional love... only to turn around and ask something of me again.
Like when he didn't tell me he planned on killing Garret in an accident. I recalled the mortification of Garret finding out after the night we've spent together and suddenly I felt rage. I turned my back to the street and entered the lobby of the headquarters.
I walked past a soldier on the front door watch and stormed upstairs to my parents room.
I banged on the doors and walked in after hearing my mother's "Come in".
I was mildly shocked seeing her sitting by the table reading some medical journal. The supper was cleaned off the table but everything seemed peaceful.
"Where's dad?" I asked.
"He's having a late meeting with Commander Sebastian and others." She said as if nothing happened, as if I haven't just come back after I've left forever... But maybe she didn't know that? Maybe she assumed that I went to my room... I sat down on a chair beside her slowly.
"I don't want to do this anymore." I said weakly.
Mom looked at me with compassion.
"I know sweetheart, but we're very close to the end." She rubbed my forearm with her hand and made to hug me. I let her but I couldn't shake the yucky feeling.
"I cannot keep on helping dad with his diversion. He doesn't share his plans with me, I'm just supposed to follow orders and then he throws "you're not a soldier" whenever it suits him."
I really wanted my mom to understand what I felt. I was a pet. She had her position, salary, respect of the soldiers and mission. I... nobody really knew what I was doing in the Order. I was too old to stick around as officer's daughter and this temporary situation have been over a year now...
Mom looked at me sadly and smiled.
"Oh honey, I know it's hard, but you only need to hold on for a couple of weeks, months maximum and then you'll be set for life. You'll go to college and then live wherever you want..." Mom said in her soothing voice and smoothed my hair behind my ear.
I opened my mouth to tell her, that I wasn't sure I could ever leave. That this girl who was going to leave for college and receptions and high life... I would need to kill something very important in myself in order to become her.
But then I've realized that my mother already have killed that in herself. She went with dads prompts and slowly lost herself along the way. On the outside there was this strong woman caring for injured soldiers and talking about abundance for me... But underneath she was father's most loyal Lieutenant letting him keep sending the same soldiers into battle shortly after she's patched them up. Sure she spoke up for me every now and then... but in the end we always did what dad wanted.
So I said nothing just hugged her tightly and inhaled the scent that I associated with love and safety my entire life as I gathered the strength to let go. Let go of this warmth that was going to boil me alive if I didn't jump out in time. Tears ran down my cheeks and mom hugged me and smoothed my hair a lot like Josh has done not long before.
I pulled away and looked at my mother's beautiful face, taking in the warm smile and sad eyes.
"I love you mom." I said.
"I love you too Madison. I'll talk to your dad, he will apologize for what he's said about you and Garret..." she said reassuringly and I suppressed a grimace.
This was just the peak of an iceberg of much more subtle and way more dangerous abuse. But I was too tired to explain it to her.
So I nodded and left the room.
I found Alexander folding laundry in the tiny washing room. I refrained from commenting on his healing shoulder and asked about my clothes instead. He pointed me to a neatly folded pile on a counter. I took it up to my room and changed.
The clothes were not at all my style but they were not a soldier uniform and I needed that now.
I took my laptop bag and left my tiny room.
I waited in the staircase nook for the meeting to be over and started to fear, that Garret and Tristan would stay the night in the office. But then just as I yawned tenth time I heard the doors opening somewhere upstairs and multiple voices speaking.
I hoped my father would head upstairs to his quarters as it was late evening.
After a while most voices got more and more distant and after a while more Tristan descended from the first floor followed by Garret. Both looked quite exhausted and I felt apprehension with what I was about to do. But then Tristan's eyebrows shot upwards and I regained my resolve. I slid down from the window and approached him on the recess.
"I need to talk to you." I said and Tristan frowned at my tone.
"Cannot it wait, it's been a long day?" He answered automatically.
"It can wait, but can I go with you?" I asked in return and it got him to snap out of whatever he was so preoccupied with.
"What happened Madison?" He asked seriously.
"I'll tell you but not here..." I insisted fearing mom would force dad to apologize and he'd go out looking for me...
"You may come with us Madison." Garret cut in impatiently. "Let's go."
He went past us and Tristan gestured for me to follow.
We went through dark streets and I started to feel how late it was.
"Is it far?" I asked. Tristan and Garret walked beside me in deep silence that felt somewhat heavy and indicated, that thing started to wear on them.
"Nope, there's our ride." Said Garret and went toward a car pulling up a bit ahead of us.
Garret sat on the passenger seat and Tristan and I sat in the back. It was a rented ford escort, nothing fancy and definitely not an Order's car.
Mist sat behind the wheel and she said "hi" to me over her shoulder, and drove off.
In the car Tristan sent me a couple of curious looks but remained silent. We drove through the city and I felt strange about how little attention I have given to fact, that I was in London for the very first time.
I jolted awake when the engine died. I hoped no one noticed that I slept and scrambled out after the others.
The car was parked on a grovel drive in, behind a closed iron gate and in front of a large house.
The house was dark except for the light spilling out of the open front door.
I followed when the others entered a vestibule with white and black chessboard floor. The interior was opulent and suddenly I felt overwhelmed by all the impressions, out of place in my clothes, exhausted and heart-broken.
Garret led us slowly to a lavishly appointed library where he thumped on a tall armchair and kept his eyes cast down. Tristan pointed me to one of the shiny leather sofas. He sat on the one on the opposite side of a polished coffee table.
Mist leaned on the windowsill behind Garret. She was dressed in a sculpted blue dress and a gray cardigan and looked stylish with her pale hair pinned in an elegant bun on the top of her head.
"Have you guys eaten?" She asked and Garret shook his head.
"Not hungry." He said and sighed.
"Madison?" He looked at me.
They looked so exhausted, that suddenly my problems with my dad seemed petty... But then I realized that I didn't need to dismiss myself, they could do this very well themselves. But they could also choose to help me, it was their responsibility to make this choice, mine was to ask for help, when I needed it. If I didn't fight for myself, no one else would.
So I looked at Garret, knowing he would decide if I could stay with them. I wasn't even sure that was, what I wanted. For all I knew, my dad would try to depose him and I would be pulled into this mess again...
"I need to get away from the Order of St George." I whispered and felt hot tears rolling down my cheeks.
"My father asked me to spy on you and help steal the trove away, and I don't want to..." I felt my face scramble and hated how I must have looked.
Garret sent me an empathetic look and rubbed his face.
"I don't have any money and I don't know anybody else I could go to..." I continued between sobs.
Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder petting me gently I looked up surprised to see Mist looking down at me with pale blue eyes.
"You may at least stay the night. We'll decide what to do with other things in the morning. Mist will find you a room to stay." Garret announced. "Goodnight." He added and left the room quickly.
Tristan bid us goodnight and followed Garret out.
I was left alone with a practical stranger in a strange place, I was exhausted and I started to feel numb.
"Come." Mist said not unkindly. I followed her out to the hall covered with thick carpet and to the doors in the farthest corner of the first floor.
I gaped at the room behind the think wooden doors.
It was white and golden. White walls with gilded stucco, white leather couch and an armchair with a white marble coffee table on carved legs ending in lion paws painted with golden paint, and buried deeply in a shaggy white carpet covering floor of light oak. Glimmering curtains framed a French door leading to a balcony invisible in darkness. Beyond the sitting area there was another room separated by an arch with same outrageous curtains. And in that room was a golden four poster bed, white dresser with gilded knobs and a door to what I assumed was a bathroom.
"I'll get you some sheets." Mist said and left.
I sat on the sofa feeling utterly disconcerted.
Whose room was that?
Mist came back shortly with an armful of striped white pillowcases and duvet cover. She removed glimmering throw from the bed and started to change the covers.
I watched her numbly, that I was to sleep here felt unreal.
"Who's room is this?" I asked finally.
"Yours." Mist said with a wicked smile.
"We've wondered with Tristan and decided, the room must have been like this when the former Patriarch bought the house and he's never got to redecorating it. Tristan couldn't see the Patriarch with a secret lover and he was officially unattached..." Mist said with an expression suggesting that she could imagine the former Patriarch doing absolutely anything.
"There, all set. Do you have a toothbrush?" She asked giving one pillow last shake and placing it by the headboard, that was padded white leather framed in gilded wood.
"Yes" I said and went to the bathroom.
I wasn't even surprised by it being even more opulent white steps with golden edges led to a large corner bathtub and the sink was formed like a giant clam shell. I brushed my teeth and stripped to t-shirt and panties leaving my clothes on the bathroom floor.
I was slightly surprised to find Mist still in my room. I was tired and needed to lay down, but was unsure if it was acceptable to do so in her presence.
"Go to bed. I just wanted to see if you needed anything else." She said and rose.
"Thank you." I said and slid under covers.
Mist turned off the ceiling lamp, which left only the light side lamp by the bed disturbing darkness of the night.
To my increasing surprise she didn't left but came closer and said.
"I think you were very brave standing up for yourself to your dad... I know how hard it can be."
Why was she so friendly with me?
"I don't know. I didn't have much choice..."
"And still you've made a choice." She winked.
Suddenly I remembered what my father said and felt hot shame washing over me.
"My father left me no choice really, he's humiliated me and I could only stand up for myself or give up any dignity." I said quietly.
"Oh." Mist said sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching out her hand.
I took it and continued with tears streaming down my face.
"I slept with Garret when we we're negotiating reparations with Talon. And he seemed into me but the day after he's found out my father was planning on maybe killing him and I had this on my laptop and he's turned completely cold. And my dad have never forgiven me and today he said, that I got my head full of Garret's semen and therefore I won't spy on him and steal from him." I cried again the pain of these words and the contempt behind them was just too much.
Mist covered my hand with her other hand.
"He obviously said that to break your spirit and bend you to his will. And I won't pretend that I understand what you girls see in Garret. He's barely more than a boy. He is important as an ally and someone who can influence Ember but besides that... London is full of guys. Maybe it's time you looked around more?" Mist changed the subject and I almost laughed at the notion.
More guys?! Seriously I didn't need more problems.
As if sensing my mood lifting Mist tucked the luxurious duvet around me and stood up.
"Good night Madison."
I heard her close the doors as I drifted off into sleep.