Dysphrenia: Disclosed
The long awaited lol
I want to start off by saying a big thank you to everyone who took the time to read and try to pick apart my little story. I honestly don't even know my state of mind when I wrote this lol so the fact that it can even be figured out at all is staggering. Shoot, me even explaining it is nothing short of a miracle XD
Second, a big heads up for the people who haven't read Dysphrenia: DO NOT READ THIS! Major spoilers, as, of course, this is a breakdown of the story. This is only for the people who have read the story, couldn't figure out what was going on, and now rely on yours truly to enlighten them. Go challenge yourself first, I implore. ;)
Now, for those of you who catch this, "Dysphrenia" is a fictional term. Dysphrenia does not exist (at least, I don't think so-maybe they might have another term for this? Lol) I made it up, as well as its definition.
And there was a specific reason why I included the definition at the end instead of the beginning: So that by the time you came to the end of the story and still didn't understand what the hell was going on, the definition would be a major hitting clue for you. Perhaps, put some-if not all-of the pieces together for you.
"Term mix of schizophrenia, a mental order that evokes limpid hallucinations; and dyslexia, a learning disorder wherein one reads things backwards. An individual diagnosed with dysphrenia distorts the line between what's real and what isn't-further warping this middle dimension by switching people, places, events, etc. out of context."
I'd like for you all to keep the bolded text in mind. Really mull over it. You will need to in order to understand what I say next.
In the story:
Taemin is the mental patient with SPD (Schizoid Personality Disorder). He is 16. Having SPD means he is very apathetic to his surroundings (i.e people and events happening around him,) and state of being-in the simplest terms.
Junghee is the mental patient with selective mutism. She is about 17-18 years old. Having selective mutism means (duh) that for specific reasons, she can't/refuses to speak.
Jinki is, of course, the doctor.
In reality:
Jinki is the mental patient with SPD.
Junghee-or should I say, Jonghyun-is the doctor
And Taemin-Taeyeon-is the mental patient with selective mutism.
….how do you feel now?
XD
Yeah.
So let's refer back to that definition, shall we?
"An individual diagnosed with dysphrenia distorts the line between what's real and what isn't-further warping this middle dimension by switching people, places, events, etc. out of context."
Get it yet? Of course you don't. You guys are like DAMMIT JUST EXPLAIN ALREADY! Haha. Sorry. Love youu:3
* From here on out, please excuse me if I alternate between Taemin and Taeyeon-I know its confusing, but I don't know which to write because although Taemin is REALLY Taeyeon, "Taemin" was the "narrator" of the story-make sense? So yeah…lol*
Okay, so obviously, since this was from Taemin's POV, the reality of what was going on wouldn't have been apparent. Taemin (Taeyeon) in the one with Dysphrenia. Along with selective mutism, he has schizophrenia ("…recently diagnosed her with schizophrenia. They didn't know…"). Having the schizophrenia explains why Taeyeon conjured up the fantasy of being male and why she "saw" Jinki and Jonghyun playing into this fantasy with her-since they were the closest to her out of all the people at the facility. Taeyeon also had dyslexia-which tied up with the schizophrenia instead of being on its own as what it really is: a learning disorder (no one knows, nor ever finds out about the dyslexic aspect of Taeyeon's Dysphrenia. They only know find that that she is schizophrenic, hence the trail at the end of the aforementioned "They didn't know…"
The dyslexia is the key twist. Not only was Taeyeon seeing things that weren't happening/there, in her mind, the roles of she, Jinki and Jonghyun were altered.
In her mind:
She was Taemin-or, more specifically-playing the role of Jinki as the patient with SPD. She even went as far as imaging that her medical wrist band read "SPD" instead of "selective mutism."
"…although Taemin wore the wristband diagnosing him with *SPD, Junghee was the one who remained indifferent to everything-even in the duration of her abuse…"
In reality, Taeyeon wasn't speaking at all, though she thought she could/was since she under the misconception that she really was Jinki/Taemin, naturally.
Jinki had been turned into the doctor, who was really Jonghyun. And Jonghyun turned into Junghee-who was supposed to be Taeyeon herself.
So in actuality, Jonghyun was the bastard doctor who was raping/abusing Taeyeon (and raping Jinki whenever he was feeling greedy.) In actuality, Jonghyun threatened Jinki after the first night when the dirty deed had taken place.
This is why Taemin is confused as why he hurts wherever Junghee's bruises turn up-and that Junghee doesn't seem to notice they are there at all. (Mind you-Taemin is the only one who sees this
"…he couldn't possibly comprehend when Junghee was the one who turned up with bruises. It was just like how Taemin didn't get why he physically suffered where it was visible that the girl had been hurt…"
"Junghee was her usual self despite the horrific hand-shaped bruise on her milky neck… Taemin didn't find it worth complaining about the searing pain of his own neck, though. All he could think to do was blame it on sleeping the wrong way and worry over Junghee. To be fair, his neck hurt way too much for that excuse to be behind the internal injury, yet what else he could do?..."
This is also why he is confused about why the doctors/specialists keep a special eye on him and care more towards him instead of Junghee-who is the obvious victim in Taemin's eyes. It frustrates him even. While she receives minimum treatment, he's the one with the upped dosage of medicine/more prescribed medicines. And to make it clear, the specialists who were carefully observing Taemin during break time were watching for signs of the schizophrenia-before they diagnosed her, perhaps. Back then it was just speculation.
Taeyeon couldn't have known that she was the real victim, and that Jinki ("Junghee") wasn't the main one being abused.
Slipping Back Into Reality
Taeyeon's dysphrenia wasn't entirely consistent. There was a few times where she'd slip back into reality without realizing it-then would get confused about it.
Here are a few examples:
The garden. Since you all are caught up to speed, you will know that instead of Taemin and Junghee sitting on the bench, it was really Taeyeon and Jinki. That Jinki, despite his SPD, did genuinely have affections for Taeyeon-so he talked to her to stimulate her own speech.
However, do you remember reading this?
"Even the times where Taemin would strangely lapse into silence and sit expressionless as she…"
Oooh, freaky.
Lol.
But seriously, do you see it now? That happened because for a split second, Taeyeon was slipping back into reality-turning into herself. She is the one with selective mutism after all. It would make sense that she act like it, right?
"Motionless, with a platonic smile threatening to grace the girl's lips for no particular reason. Taemin always caught it. It made his day."
Uh huh. But the platonic smile belongs to Taeyeon, and it is the smile that made Jinki's day.
Really, if you wanted a more accurate point of view for this story (in all its reality), it would have to be from Jinki's.
Another example is when Taemin talked about Junghee being raped.
"She even stopped crying during Jinki's visits, staring, up expressionlessly into the ceiling or burying her face into the pillow as her body jerked cancerously."
In this case, Taeyeon was slipping back into reality because Junghee was showing signs of SPD-instead of just being selectively mute. Which, to Tae, was strange, because he/she was the one that was supposed to have SPD. So you can say Tae saw Jinki in Junghee's place as far as the SPD was concerned. Not physically, since Taeyeon could literally could see Junghee. (In her own mind)
Which, technically, was still wrong of course. As it was Tae herself getting raped and crying and whatnot. For a defense mechanism/way to escape reality, or because of the dysphrenia itself, Taeyeon imagined her aggressor as the victim-Jonghyun in her place-and the watching Jinki as the doctor; so that she could imagine herself as Taemin, who became the "safe" watcher from afar instead…
/dizzy
Understand?
"A while passed, to where Taemin just said forget it and watched anyway. He couldn't help it. He wished he could."
Taeyeon really made it real. She really made it so that she was the observing Jinki-going as far as, after a while, coming to the point where she watched "Dr. Lee and Junghee" "apathetically".
Like Jinki was doing in reality, since he has SPD.
What Happened in the Last Scene
Ahhh, this part.
It is debatable whether or not Taeyeon's physical trauma triggered her lapse back into reality. A long-term reality really, since this whole scene take place within 10-15 minutes- longer than any other instance she'd slipped back into reality beforehand.
That said, here's the scoop:
Dr. Kim (Jonghyun) was only getting away with abusing Taeyeon and Jinki because he was switching the tapes in the surveillance room-which he had access to since he was a top physician in the ward. The hospital was already under investigation because Junghee's parents (Really Taeyeon's) were complaining about their daughter's bruises and declining health, so the hospital staff were doing all they could to catch the person who was hurting "Junghee." Well, Jonghyun was set up, as he had the most contact with Taeyeon and therefore, was ruled in as top suspect. So while he was raping Taeyeon this time, the cops bust in and caught him red handed. Taeyeon was vomiting and bleeding because of how rough Jonghyun was having sex with her. The doctors/nurses retrieved her with the intention of rushing her to the emergency room-so they could save her and save the life of her unborn.
This is all when Taeyeon is forced into reality. Even as she's wheeled off, she laughingly checks her wristband to confirm that what she was seeing was real.
"Taemin turned his head as he was wheeled away. Still smiling, still smiling. Giggling. Pulling up the one arm that was still unrestrained. It was bruised, just like Junghee's. Oh well, at least the aching made sense now…
"Taemin skimmed the wristband before pressuring hands brought his arm back down, fastening it to his side with the strap. Reading it confirmed what he already knew.
"Selective mutism"
Extras
If it isn't obvious by now, Taeyeon was impregnated by Jonghyun. Despite Jonghyun's claims about being impotent (SMH -_-)
"So what that he was nauseated and limped all the time? The new pills were making him drowsy and worsening his nausea; food too hard to keep down more than ever."
At this point, Taeyeon was already pregnant (rape=limp; nausea=morning sickness). And of course the staff didn't suspect, or else they wouldn't have given her the new medications for schizophrenia yet. The meds were worsening her already existent nausea, and of course, the staff labeled it as a side-effect-not taking into account that Taeyeon was nauseated to begin with. (Dumbasses lol) Later on, as the police/detectives planned Jonghyun's set up, the staff either tested Taeyeon or paid attention to Taeyeon's regular lab work to figure out that she was with child. Whichever you prefer lol.
As for Taeyeon's parents (though this isn't all that vital to the plot) remember that bit about them being neglectful and "Junghee having a very traumatic childhood"? Well, lets just assume Taeyeon's parents came back to their senses and actually became "parent" enough to seek Taeyeon help i.e. send her to a mental facility and visit regularly (also, guilt much?) Hence them raising hell to the staff about Taeyeon being hurt.
Minho was actually Minjung. Taeyeon turned her male in her mind. That's about all though.
"….me, Minjung! Taeyeon! Somebody please tell me what happened!..."
Annnnnnd that's it folks!
Really hope this longer-than-intended "guide" was insightful and easily understood. Because really, who likes to be befuddled because of a fan fic? XD If I missed anything, or you have any more questions, feel free to comment below. Seriously, I am dying on the inside at all you guys probable reactions to this.
And to be quite honest, I gave you guys a credible amount of benefit of the doubt-I thought along with the definition of Dysphrenia at the end, the multiple dialogue snippets at the end would sum it all up for you all LOL but its alright, I don't hold it against you.
Again, thank you so much for reading, and congrats to the people who figured it out without even having me to explain-and to the people who came close to figuring it out as well. In fact, congrats to all of you, dammit. /throws gold and silver stars and cookies. You're awesooooomeee!