I don't own these characters; Disney/ABC does.
13: Better Psychological Well-Being
Emma stared down at Regina, who had fallen asleep against her yet again. This was the third time in the past few days, the first being when Robin canceled their big dinner date. Obviously, that was more than a canceled date, but Regina did not talk about it. Emma would love for Regina to open up to her, but she understood why Regina did not. They did not have that type of relationship. Emma needed to build a relationship of equals, a relationship worthy of those thoughts.
You'd think she'd open up to an idiot pet. Part of her wanted to think that was a good thing. Regina did not fully see her as a pet since she did not spill all of her secrets and insecurities to Emma, but Regina probably just did not know people did that with pets since she never had one. Just stop. You're thinking about this too hard.
"Hey," Emma said softly and she nudged Regina.
Regina let out a soft moan and cuddled closer to Emma, pressed against her side Emma swallowed a whimper. It took all of her willpower not to wrap her arms around Regina and fall asleep right with her. She had no right to Regina beyond being her pet. So, be cool and do right by Regina.
"Hey," Emma said a little more firmly and she shook Regina a little.
"Hmm?" Regina sat up, back against the sofa. She blinked a couple of times and yawned.
Emma moved away slightly, making sure Regina could not fall over, but giving her space. "You fell asleep. Time for bed."
Regina gave a slow nod. "I'm so tired."
Emma gave a small chuckle. "I noticed."
Regina rubbed her eye with one hand. "Work is so busy. I don't want to do it anymore."
Emma had no idea what work Regina did even now after being with her a few months, but she definitely hated it. It stressed Regina out to no end and that was not fair to Regina. "Your bakery is almost ready. Go upstairs and dream of your bakery and how amazing it'll be when you get to be in your bakery."
Regina gave a dazed smile. "You're right." She sat up taller, kissing the side of Emma's head. Her lips were warm and soft as always. Emma would pay good money to get Regina's kisses for the rest of her life, even if they were just to the side of her head. "Goodnight, Duckling."
Emma's heart thumped. "Good night."
She watched Regina stagger upstairs and longed to follow. But, that was not her place. She was not worthy of Regina, but then again, neither was that asshole Robin, yet Regina was hurt over him. He did not deserve Regina and Regina had to know that. Of course, that probably did not stop the hurt over Robin being an asshole.
"Still, I need to get my act together," Emma said to the air, gripping the edge of the sofa. "Robin doesn't matter to me. I just need to get my shit together for the sake of getting my shit together. I could maybe build from there, but I have to get started."
Emma turned off everything in the living room and retreated to her nest. She grabbed one of her GED books and picked up where she left off. She worked on math problems for a couple of hours and then went to sleep.
In the morning, Emma worked on her car as usual. The sun on her bare shoulders felt good, energizing her. She felt lucky for some reason and tried to start the car. Success! The Bug actually sounded pretty good. Not quite purring, but not like it was about to die again. Things were looking up for her. She had to celebrate. One step closer to being a real adult!
She texted Ruby and Mary Margaret. Have a surprise. Meet me at Granny's. She hopped into the driver's seat of the Bug. "Oh, wait, gotta put on a real shirt."
Emma trotted back into the house and took a shower, washing away the grime of her morning work. Then, she dressed how she felt — good. She put on her favorite pair of jeans and plain, gray t-shirt with short sleeves. After that, she was back in her car and it started again. She giggled as she pulled out of the driveway. She drove to Granny's with a huge grin on her face. The Bug rode well, sounded good, and shifted with no problem. She was capable! If I can do this, I'm not a complete idiot. I can get that GED. She was not sure what she would do after that, but one step at a time.
She parked the car and was ready to dance, but the day decided it was going too well. She was barely out of the car before things came crashing down around her. Before she made it the few feet into Granny's, Killian stepped into her path. He gave her one of his smarmy smirks and his eyes sort of shined in the sunlight, like the fires of Hell.
"Swan! It's been too long, love." He opened his arms like he was about to hug her. Her glare paused him at the least. "You haven't responded to any of my texts." He dropped his arms, which was wise. Hmm, I don't remember him being this smart.
"Nope." She deleted any and all texts from him as they came in. It did not even bother him if she cursed him out in texts, so she just stopped responding
"Well, that doesn't matter. What say we have lunch together?" He motioned to the door of Granny's with his hook.
Emma shook her head. "I'm meeting with Ruby and M&M." And she would never, ever make the mistake of giving him even the slightest bit of hope they might have together. If he saw air, he would take it all in and smother her.
With a scoff, he leaned in, smirking at her again. "You see them all the time. How often do you see me?"
Emma curled her lip. "Too often." She sighed in relief when Ruby exited the diner in a hurry.
"Emma, I wondered where you were. What's this surprise?" Ruby asked, moving to attach herself to Emma's side. Ruby eased Emma toward the door and, of course, Mary Margaret would approach before they could leave Killian stuck on the sidewalk.
"Emma!" Mary Margaret grinned. "Is this the surprise? You're back with Killian?" She gushed, like something like that would be good news.
Emma frowned. "What? No!" She glared at Killian, so he did not get the wrong idea. And, of course, he smirked at her. Sometimes, she thought he was aware of how creepy her was, like right now. But, there were other times he seemed totally oblivious and truly believed he was being charming.
Killian chuckled. "It's only a matter of time, love. I will win you back."
"On a cold day in Hell. In fact, you should go there, so you'll know when it happens," she replied. What the hell is wrong with him? She actually did not care to know. She just needed him to stay away from her. "Anyway…" She turned away from him and led her friends to her car.
"Sorry if I caused trouble," Mary Margaret said. "I thought you'd give Killian another chance since he always talks about how you're the love of his life."
"Never. He doesn't even know what love is if he thinks he loves me. I've always just been some prize to him," Emma replied and then shook that off. She never wanted to think about Hook again. "Now, onto the real surprise. I fixed my car!" Emma grinned.
"No way!" Ruby actually clapped. And not a sarcastic clap either, just a genuinely surprised and happy sound.
"I promise you I did. Drove it all the way here." Emma jabbed her thumb at the Bug.
"Wow, I honestly didn't think you'd be able to save that thing again," Ruby said.
Mary Margaret wagged a finger at Ruby. "Well, I knew you could do it, Emma. You're much better at this than fixing kitchen appliances."
Emma groaned, not wanting to be reminded of what she did to Mary Margaret's toaster any more than she wanted to be reminded of what she did to Regina's toaster. Why the hell are toasters so complicated anyway? "Look, the car is done and drivable. Let's focus on that."
"Then take us for a spin!" Mary Margaret did a very cheesy, but adorable fist pump. It was quite encouraging. "I only have thirty minutes left of my lunch," she added.
"And, technically, I should be working, but whatever. Shotgun!" Ruby cackled as she stepped to the passenger side door.
And the day was good again. Emma did not think about Hook as she drove her friends around in her newly repaired car. They cheered the whole time.
-8-8-8-8-
Regina wished she could meet with Robin at home, so she could at least slam a door without causing a scene. But, he did not want that, so declined her invitation to her house for perhaps the first time ever. He refused to meet with her at work, which was consistent and fine, but that left his place. That was not a good sign and she hated for him to have home court advantage when they were definitely going to fight.
Regina rarely went to Robin's place, which seemed to be how he liked it, and she found it quite uninviting the moment she stepped in. The smell was what she expected, somewhat piny, rustic, like Robin. She took a quick look around, reminding herself how plain the apartment was. It was not painted, just white on every wall. A simple couch pushed up against the back wall with a television on a stand opposite it. He did not own a coffee table, but had several books and magazines stacked on the floor.
And, as she stood in the living room, it told her everything she needed to know, everything she had ignored in the many months they had dated. He still had several pictures of Marian up. Most were family photos, but there were a couple with just Marian and Robin. The heart wants what the heart wants. It just never wanted her. Not just with Robin, but in general.
"Do you want something to drink?" Robin asked, moving about his small kitchen, making sure there was more than enough space between them. He was dressed comfortably, dark green sweatpants and matching hoodie. She had seen him dressed as such before they started dating, but not after they started dating. She did not bother to consider why that might be. I'm not very interested in him, am I?
"No. I'm fine," she replied in a calm and collected voice, her professional tone. She was not fine, but no beverage would change that.
He cleared his throat and leaned against the counter. "Oh." He did not meet her eye.
"Look, I've been trying to talk to you for over a week and there's always an issue with you." She deserved to know why he missed their dates and then he ignored her for a week. Of course, she knew why, but he could at least man up and tell her.
He looked up at her, so he could glare at her. "Like there's always an issue with you."
"That I tell you about. I don't lie," she hissed, marching over to him. She paused before she made it to the kitchen. She did not have the energy to get in his face. It did not matter, anyway. Nothing she said would change his mind.
He scowled. "Lie about what? Are you calling my honor into question?"
She pursed her lips. "Honor? That's a joke. You've had one foot out the door in this relationship since Marian moved into town." How could I have been so stupid?
He laughed. "At least I had one foot in. You were never fully present unless Roland was there. You only wanted me for my son. You never cared for me."
She folded her arms across her chest, temper boiling just underneath her calm demeanor. No reason to blow up. It won't do anything. It won't even make you feel better and he'll just use it to validate leaving you. "Bold assumption. So, was I also using you when you stayed over on days Roland was with his mother?"
"I'm sure that was a nice bonus for you."
"Ha!" She did not mean to say that aloud, but it was out now. She could write a book on the ways Robin was quite the mediocre lover. "You certainly think highly of yourself."
He scowled. "Says the person who will be alone at the end of the conversation."
Regina's expression did not change, but her insides evaporated immediately, nuked by his very on target observation. At the end of the day, she was the one alone, unloved, even by the most boring man on Earth. This is a new low. She should not be surprised by that. She often found new lows. So, obviously, it's you, not him.
"Marian is willing to give our marriage another try and I'm ready to try again as well. At least I know she cares for me," Robin said.
"Well, what does that say about you and your precious honor that you were willing to date a woman who you don't even believe cares about you, but you're willing to use her to watch your son?"
"I was willing to give you a chance."
Regina pointed to herself. "Give me a chance?" Who does this man think he is?
"Yes, after all, no one else wanted you."
Regina opened her mouth, ready to let him have it, but the second her mouth open, it was like all of her righteous fury fled from her. Left in its wake were the pain and suffering of years, maybe even decades, which said a lot for a woman who was not thirty yet. She should have eviscerated him, but she could not. Because for all of his accusations, all his words said was that he never cared for Regina. He never recognized that she cared for him. She had ruined this and was not even sure how.
"Good luck on your marriage, even though we both know how it'll end," Regina said with a smile and made her way to the door. From what she knew of Marian based on stories from Roland, Marian had actually enjoyed her life without Robin. Robin would smother Marian within a few months.
"With me happy!" he shouted after her.
Regina did not bother to turn around and got a cheap thrill in slamming his door on her way out. He could lie to himself all he wanted, but he had already ruined his marriage. And Marian could lie to herself to try to take Robin back, but she was done with him. Now, Regina needed to be done with him.
She texted Maleficent that she would not be able to work on the bakery/cafe tonight. She went directly home and was in for the second shock of the day — Duckling's car was gone. She gasped at the sight, feeling like a shot went through her and blew a hole in her chest. So, she was truly alone. Left in this huge house of ghosts and echos. What would Daddy do if he knew his parting gift to me was my tomb?
She ignored the fact that it felt like her soul literally fell out of her due to the empty driveway and managed to make it upstairs. She took a quick shower. It was cold, but she barely felt it. Barely felt anything. She put on a t-shirt, not even sure where she got it, and some shorts. She needed to be comfortable.
Then she made her way to the kitchen. Time to start cooking. Maybe try a new recipe. She pulled out a cook-book. Something new for dinner, but an old favorite for dessert.
As she seasoned her meat, the doorbell rang. Please don't be Maleficent checking on me. She was certain she would fall apart the second Maleficent showed her care. She went to answer the door.
She gasped as she opened the door and her heart rose from the dead. "Duckling."
Duckling grinned. "I'm starting to think I should have a key, even as a pet. I mean, I have opposable thumbs, so I can work the locks." She held up her thumbs and wiggled them.
Regina was certain she was hallucinating. Why would Duckling be back? Her car worked. The weather was warm. Duckling did not need her anymore. No one ever needed or wanted her.
"Uh… you okay, Regina?" Duckling asked, face scrunched up with concern.
"You came back…" Regina could only state the obvious in a trembling, small voice that she could hardly recognize as her own.
"Yeah, I live here…" Duckling shrugged one shoulder. "Right?" She gave an awkward smile.
Regina could not help smiling back as warmth finally returned to her form. "Right."
"So… I can come in?" Duckling tilted over to look past her.
"Of course." Regina stepped out of the way and let Duckling into the house. Duckling had come back to her. Duckling had a chance to escape, but did not. Her heart beat heavy in her chest and it felt like a light shined on her soul. No, don't you dare hope. If she doesn't leave now, she will eventually.
Duckling stepped inside, watching her as if she was worried. Regina was not sure what to make of this turn of events, even as feelings flooded her. Duckling sniffed the air.
"Did you make apple turnovers?" Duckling's face was bright, excited, like she wanted to be there.
Regina blinked. "Yes, they're still in the oven."
Duckling nodded. "You're going to make me eat dinner first anyway. I should probably take a shower." She bounced. "I fixed my car and just went all over town, looking for stuff, looking at stuff. It was just nice to be moving at the speed of something other than my feet, but the car is freaking hot and I'm so sweaty."
"You just drove around?" You didn't drive out of my life?
"Yeah, my friends hung out for the first few minutes. I was just so happy. I mean, I actually fixed the car!" Duckling waved her hands. "I always break stuff, but I fixed it this time!" She pressed her hands to her chest and put her chin in the air.
Regina could not help laughing. "I have to check on the food, but you can tell me all about it over dinner."
Duckling gave her an enthused nod. "I can't wait. I can go take a shower and get as comfortable as you."
Regina glanced down at herself while Duckling trotted away. Regina went back to the kitchen and turned off the food. It had been ready for a few minutes, but she had not been in a rush to do anything with it. Now, she plated the food, tri-tip beef, mashed potatoes, and seasoned green beans. She had used all sorts of new spices and used a special butter that she created for the beef and potatoes. Hopefully, it all tasted fine.
She put everything at the dining room table, even though that was not where they usually ate. She also poured herself a glass of wine. She took the apple turnovers out of the oven just in time for Duckling to sit herself down, grinning at her food.
"Oh, this looks new. Smells good." Duckling gave a deep inhale. "Can I have wine, too?"
Regina poured her a glass. "I feel like I should card you. I just trust you when you say you're old enough."
Duckling smiled. "You still don't trust me? Could an underage teen do this?" She made a show of flexing her biceps, which were on display thanks to her tank top.
Regina could not tear her eyes away from Duckling's muscles. Gone were the days when Duckling was bony and malnourished. She was healthy, sturdy, and lean. More evidence that she did not need Regina and would be gone soon enough. There was no reason for her to stick around, being a pet. There was no dignity in being Regina's pet. Hell, there did not seem to be dignity in being around Regina.
"So, what is this? I don't think you've ever made it before. It looks good," Duckling said as she picked up her fork.
"I tried something different," Regina replied, sliding into her seat.
"I'll bet it's gonna be good." Duckling speared one of the tri-tips and bit into it. She moaned. "Damn, it is good. You're so good at this. How did you get so good at cooking?"
Regina used her knife to cut her first bite in half. "I got into it during college. It was something to do. It reminded me of chemistry."
"Chemistry?"
"One of my majors."
Duckling blinked. "One?"
Oh, she doesn't really know anything about me, nor I her, even though she's been here for four months. "I was a double major before law school."
"God, you're smart, can cook, and gorgeous."
Regina yelped, not expecting that compliment, even though it was all true. It was just rare to hear it altogether. Duckling looked down at her food.
"Sorry. Too much?" Duckling asked.
"No. I'm just not used to hearing it," Regina replied.
"That's kinda sad. People just can't recognize greatness." Duckling glanced up at her. "Well, I think all that and more of you."
Regina fought down a smile, but something inside of her began to mend. She was not sure what it was, old hurt or recent. But then again, Duckling often made her feel that way.
The night went well. Duckling enjoyed two helpings of dinner and ate several apple turnovers. She moaned about a stomachache a little while later, but seemed quite happy with herself. Regina rubbed her belly for her, which made her even happier. They watched a couple of movies, curled up on the sofa. It was nice.
-8-8-8-8-
Something was up with Regina, but Emma was not sure what. It did not seem like a bad thing. She smiled more, cuddled more, and Emma was happy for that. Life was looking up, so she should have expected it to crumble right before her eyes. At the very least, Killian standing on the sidewalk outside of her house was a bad omen.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Emma marched from the driveway to the sidewalk to let Killian have it. She had been on her way to hang out with Ruby for a little while before her GED class started, but now there was this problem.
Killian smiled, that smug expression he thought was so damn charming. "Is this where you're living now, love? It is a step up." He whistled as he took in the house.
Emma glared at him. "That doesn't explain what the hell you're doing here." How the fuck did he find me?
He shrugged. "I wanted to see where you lived, since you never came back to my place. I knew you had to have some grand scheme in mind to leave me behind, Swan."
"No, I just wanted to get the hell away from you." Why the hell doesn't he understand that? How much of a narcissist is he? Why the hell does he even think he's all that?
He chuckled, like he thought she was joking. "So, what's the plan, love? A house that big must be filled with all sorts of treasures. Have you been slowly draining the place and pawning goodies that won't be missed? That crocodile at the pawn shop must have a soft spot for you now."
She scowled, fist shaking, itching to punch him in the face. "I haven't pawned anything. There is no plan." There never was, which was how she ended up with Killian in the first place. That was also how she ended up away from Killian and now she needed to get Killian away from Regina's house.
"No plan?" He arched an eyebrow. "Love, that is not like you at all. Why no plan? Again, that house must be full of treasures. I know you've had to be slowly draining it and that's why you never came back to me, you little pickpocket you." He smiled, as if he were proud of her.
"Yes, I used to be a pickpocket, but I'm not a thief like that." She could not even imagine robbing someone, especially Regina, of things that actually mattered. It was bad enough she took Regina's peace of mind before. She was not sure if she ever made amends, even while acting as her pet.
"You told me you used to shoplift, too."
Emma sucked her teeth. "Yeah, but I'm not a burglar." Technically, a lie, but she still did not count stealing food and spare change as much. Regina was the only person who seemed to know she had been in and out of the house as well, so she never took those people's sense of security and safety like she had with Regina.
"But, you do know one." He grinned and threw his shoulders back. "I could help."
She got right in his face and glared at him with every fiber of hatred burning down her nerves. "I don't need your help. You stay the hell away from this house and stay away from me. Stop stalking me."
His expression did not change. "Come on, love. I'm just trying to check on you, make sure you're all right."
"I don't need you to check on me. I'm fine, especially without you. Now, get the hell out of here." She pointed to his stupid black Mustang for him to get the message.
He held his hand up in surrender and chuckled. "Fine, love. I'll see you around. We can work this out. I know you want to work this out."
"I want you to leave and then to never have to see you again. That's all I've ever wanted."
He smirked at her and then swaggered off to his car. Emma frowned as he drove off, having the nerve to wave at her as he left. Now, she would have to watch for his car when she drove around. She had been so happy to have her car back, she probably never noticed him follow her home. And, in his demented mind, he probably thought he was being romantic. She needed to figure out how to rid herself of him. Maybe Ruby has some ideas.
Emma marched back to the front door and locked it. Usually, she left the door open because the neighborhood was safe, except for her anyway. She was never gone for more than a few hours, but from now on, she would lock the door even if she was gone for five minutes. She would just have to wait for Regina to come home and let her in from this moment forward.
Once the house was secure, Emma got in her car, but waited for a few minutes before pulling out of the driveway. She checked her mirrors, scanning for Killian. She hated this. This was how he made her feel when she lived with him, hyper-alert, like she did back at foster homes with touchy foster-brothers or leering foster-dads. She was trapped in her own skin. She did not want to live this way and she did not have to live this way thanks to Regina. She would not let Killian ruin that.
-8-8-8-8-
Regina rubbed her eyes as she stared at a work file for much longer than she needed to. She took off her glasses, not that it helped. She was tired, not straining her eyes. She and Maleficent were almost ready to open. Without Robin lurking in her background, she was able to focus on the cafe like never before. It was quite liberating. Robin would probably be pissed to know him breaking up with her had actually helped free her to pursue her dream with even more vigor. And that made it even sweeter.
With every spare moment she had, she encouraged Duckling to go after her GED. She did not have time to think about much else, which was good. There was no room for the breakup, or the unlovable thoughts that tended to come with it, in her mind. Dark thoughts did not have a chance to overtake her, cloud her thinking, and cripple her. She would go on.
"Regina!" Rumple bellowed as he exploded into her office.
Someone else who slipped her mind. That was dangerous. She kept her cool as best she could and glared at him as he stormed over to her desk. She had to wave Aurora away, not knowing how bad this meeting might go. She did not want Aurora to get caught up in whatever this could end up being.
"Yes, Rumple?" Regina asked as calm as could be.
"What do you think you're trying to pull? Your name was taken out of the primaries? You're not running again?" he demanded, seething right before her eyes. She would not be surprised if poison vapors steamed off of him.
Her mouth turned downward for a moment, as if this was no big deal. "I have other plans."
He tapped his cane. Somehow, the tiny sound roared like thunder, reminding her of the storm she left to brew. "Well, I have plans as well, and I'm sure you know your mother has plans. Do you really want to wake that sleeping dragon?"
"Seems unavoidable at this point." Now that the moment was staring her in the face, her stomach twisted. She thought she had steeled herself for this moment, but maybe not. It did not matter. This was happening. As long as Mother doesn't involve herself, I should be fine.
"Do you think that is wise?"
Regina took a deep breath. "My mother never left me believing I was too smart."
"And I guess she wasn't far off. You better get your name back on that ballot or you'll see your other plans go up in smoke."
"Is that a threat?" Regina scowled. It was a promise and they both knew that.
"I don't have to threaten you, Regina. After all, I know what you've done."
"Then you know what I'm capable of." He would be taking a risk to trouble her. She knew were some of the metaphorical bodies were buried, after all.
"You know the same about me. Don't try me, Regina."
Regina made sure to keep eye contact. "I will control my own destiny."
His jaw tensed and he nodded. "You will regret this choice, Regina."
Regina did not doubt that, but she could not do anything about it. So, she watched him leave and continued on with her work, putting him out of her mind. She finished up with work and could not wait to get home. Since the bakery/cafe was basically done, she could go straight home to Duckling.
Duckling was not home yet, which Regina was growing used to with her GED classes. But, stepping inside, she was in for a shock. She turned on the lights and immediately noticed things were missing. She had been robbed.
-8-8-8-8-
Next time: Regina gets more bad news while Emma gets this and more bad news.