Ino Yamanaka was what some might consider the height of elegance. Her outfit was always immaculately coordinated. Styled in luxury and self-anointed in superiority. Poised in all matters womanly. A real leader that was persistently in charge of herself and her surroundings. Where she walked, many followed. When she spoke, everyone in the room would listen. Except for today. Because today.
"Hurry the fuck up blondy!"
Today she was running for her life through a shit infested tunnel with complete strangers who may or may not have infiltrated her establishment to try and kill her.
"Oh, happy day." Her expensive heels simultaneously stuck securely to a thick layer of sludge.
"UGH!"
"I said move your ass!" Naruto doubled back to pluck the girl straight out of the slime, leaving her expensive Jimmy Choo's behind and tossing her over his shoulder.
"Are you literally insane? Those heels are worth more than your cheap ass suit!!"
"We have literally half an hour to meet up with Shikamaru or we're as good as dead."
"Wait. How do you know Shika?" The woman stopped her pounding on the man's back at the mention of the name.
"You're kidding, right? Shikamaru is the fucking MAN. He does all the nerdy technical stuff for our missions. Our poindexter, wiz kid, the guy in the chair-"
"She gets it!" Shouted a peeved Gaara from the front of the pack, whom was currently running full speed with Hinata over his own shoulder and Tenten trailing just behind him.
"Small city... Nerdy technical stuff?..."
"Yeah, like blowing the pipeline beneath your club so we could kidnap you-... escape. So we could escape."
"Escape... Plan B was your initial plan wasn't it?" Ino said, more of a statement than a question really. She'd grown still on their commute through the tunnel, shifting from an embarrassing position over his shoulder to the classic piggyback style with a death grip around his neck much to his dismay. "You did all this because you thought I could bring harm to lady Tsunade?"
Naruto remained quiet. His stride was firm as his breaths where rhythmic. He was focused purely on their egress but he did offer a shake of the head in acknowledgment.
"I had to be sure. Had you not convinced me back there, we wouldn't be having this conversation. Gaara wanted you 6 feet under already, no questions asked."
"Hmph. You're awfully confident for a man who has a trained killers arms around his neck. What's to stop me from snapping you out of existence. If you're so sure."
Ino had no intention of hurting the man, but she was rather curious in his reasoning to trust her. Sure she knew some things about him, but was it really enough to obtain his trust so easily?
"Because, I've taken the lives of some good men today. Men who were probably just following orders, men who may have worked with Tsunade or myself. Or possibly even had a vendetta against me for one reason or another. Good men that kissed their spouse goodbye today... it'd be just." Naruto said as he kept a steady pace with the group in front of him. "But one things for sure." He paused.
"What?" His words didn't really sit well with her. Hearing someone who was so aware of the heinous actions they'd committed wasn't exactly commonplace in her profession and to see a man so ok with the idea of death due to many years of spent luck was almost humbling.
"Touch me like that and I'm tossing you in the sewage." Naruto let out a laugh at the notion, stopping to take in a breath at the thought of the much smaller female attempting to snap his neck.
Ino's jaw dropped at the sheer nerve of the man.
"Man I really shouldn't drink so much on missions, I feel like an old man. Gaara wait up!"
'If he wasn't Tsunade's son I'd break him in half.'
"I'll pretend you didn't say that for the simple fact that I don't want to run an unknown amount of miles after dumping your body in the current."
"Keep talking to me like that and nobody will be walking after this is over-"
"We're here!" Gaara shouted.
The group stopped at a cut off cement wall with an opening that separated a flow of sewage between tunnels. Connecting the two between a metallic bared fence, adjacent to a little wooden ladder that led up to an open manhole in the ceiling.
"Well hello assholes, you called an Uber?"
At the top of said hole was Shikamaru. Clad in an all black hoodie and jeans as he held his hand out to Tenten who was the first to surface.
"Did you have to pick such a far fucking exit point? I'm sweating bullets over here man. This chick is really fucking heav-"
"Naruto!" Shikamaru warned. "You don't want to finish that sentence."
Sure enough, Ino went rigid as the larger blonde spoke. Waiting oh so patiently for him to finish an insult that may or may not mean the end of his life. Naruto noted the stone cold demeanor and instead steadied up the ladder with Ino on his back. A large gulp caught in his throat as he realized just how tight Ino's hands were around his collar.
"Ignore them. You got the wheels?" Gaara asked as they all eventually surfaced in a seemingly empty parking garage.
"The coups around the corner. Let's go." Shikamaru lead the way. "Oh and you can leave the Hyuga girl right over there." He pointed to a parking garage booth with an incapacitated guard inside. "No need in having extra baggage if we can help it."
"Gladly." Gaara said, handing Naruto the sleeping heiress.
Naruto found a suitable spot in the booth to set her down, taking his time to make sure she wasn't seated in a way that would be uncomfortable when she awoke. "Sorry Hinata. Thank you for being such an amazing date though... please don't hate me." Naruto said, kissing the sleeping girl on the head before taking off.
"Shotgun!" A wobbly Gaara shouted.
"Not on your life short stack. I'm not getting stuck in the back with Panda and She Devil." His words, however, fell on deaf ears and burning eyes filled with loathing as Gaara hoped into the front seat before he was even halfway to the car.
"Just kidding about that "She Devil" part... kinda."
"Window!" Tenten dashed to claim her own spot. Giving Naruto a develish smile as she left him to deal with a testy Ino.
"God damn I hate both of you." Naruto said more to himself as he opened the door and took his cramped spot in the back. Holding his hand out to Ino, offering the only spot left.
His lap.
xXx
The group cruised off around in a beat Mini Cooper, Gaara passed out in the front and Tenten doing the same slumped against the window in the back behind the driver's seat.
"Don't get your hopes up." Ino grumbled. Shuffling uncomfortably atop Naruto in the cramped seat.
"Something's definitely up..."
"What'd the Hell you just say?-"
'Me and Gaara should reaaally stop saying shit out loud.'
"I said." Clearing his throat. "Can you not move so much? You're making me kinda uncomfortable."
Ino stopped cold, postponing her readjustment to grit out cold words of warning to the larger blonde. "Was that another fat joke?"
"We both know the only thing fat about you is your ass."Naruto muttered under his breath.
The result being the two elbows Ino threw at his gut. "You fucking pig, take that back." She shouted, preparing to toss another, this time aimed at his head.
'Fuck that's hurts like a bitch! Think you dolt!'"I said take it back-"
"Hey, Shikamaru! Next stop, tacos!" Naruto blurted.
Gaara sprung to life. Grabbing Shikamaru by the shoulder, almost veering the car of the empty highway road.
"TACOS!"
Shikamaru yelled as he shoved the redhead back into his drunken sleep against the window. Grinding hard against the rugged road barricades to maintain control after the man's sudden outburst. The commotion was enough to halt Ino's assault on Naruto. "Holy shit Gaara! Calm down, we'll get some tacos."
'Oh Gaara, you beautiful bastard. You saved my life... It's almost as if women don't know that's a compliment these days.'
"It's almost two. Two in the fucking morning, and you want tacos?" Ino questioned.
"Not just any tacos. Choji's tacos." Shikamaru piped in as he made a right off the interstate. "No place better to lie low than a local food joint."
"Shika you're not helping..."
"Love you too Ino." Shikamaru didn't pay the blondes obvious irritation much mind as he kept his eyes on the road as well as the now unpredictable Gaara.
"Go to hell."
"Hey calm down. He's just trying to help-"
"No, you calm down Uzumaki. This isn't the time to be fucking around, getting tacos or sitting on some pervs lap in a shitty Cooper. Or-Or."
"Woman. A: It's always the time for tacos. And B: have you seen your dress?? There's nothing "calm" about it."
'Is he really trying to flirt with me right now?! The fucking nerve of this guy.'
"Do you expect a "thank you"? For me to get all mushy over your stupid compliment? I host a club full of beautiful men and woman every day you-" Ino stopped for a moment when realized she was talking to herself. Naruto had since fallen asleep under her with an arm wrapped securely around her waist in place of a seatbelt as his head rested gently against the window and her right shoulder.
'Typical boy, can't even be bothered to hear what I have to say.'
"Ino, these aren't your run of the mill bodyguards. They aren't as passive as me, or some lackey at your club. They know what they're doing. You should just chill out and enjoy the ride, troublesome woman."
"Whatever Shika." Ino began to sink in the depth of her runaway status. Her own country was surely out for her arrest now and that suddenly seemed a bit more sobering. She took in the streetlights of a barren North Konoha city as Shikamaru blasted through street lights and stop signs.
"How's Mama Nara?" She asked, distracting herself from her thick stream of issues.
"No more of a nag than Temari I suppose. Speaking of which." He shot a stern glare over his shoulder. "Neither of them will know about any of this. Understood?" Ino nodded before he continued. "Mom wants you by for dinner as soon as possible too."
"Ok..." Ino realized she hadn't seen her good friend for a better part of the year, and seeing a familiar face at a time like this was pretty reassuring, to say the least. "Shikamaru?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
"Of course. Get some sleep, we're going ways away and you're going to need your energy to keep up with these clowns."
Before Ino knew it she was was asleep with the rest of the group in the cramped car.
xXx
"Hey, are you asleep?" Naruto prodded, whispering loudly at the smaller blonde on top of him. But a slight groan and shift of the shoulders were all he got in response as she melded further into him. "Oh thank god, I thought I was going to have to play dead the whole ride."
'Although I have to admit, she's actually kind of fun to fuck with when she's awake.'
"Shikamaru what's the ETA?"
"About 8 minutes." Shikamaru said. "Here, I got you guys some burners." He tossed a black flip phone over his shoulder to Naruto.
"What the hell is this dinosaur? It's even older than this shitty car." He said, wiggling the small phone around in his free hand, the right still keeping Ino in place.
"It has Electric Avenue on it, so quit your bitching. What's your next move?"
"... Are my weaknesses that obvious? And. Hm. About that."
"I'm not planting any more bombs Naruto."
"Hold on, hold on. I didn't say you had too. I just uh, haven't figured it out yet."
"What?!" Shikamaru ahoy him a glare through the rearview mirror. "You realize that's kind of fucking important right? You can't go around blowing up shit and just expect to find who did this by accident."
"Sure I can, in fact. I think this whole fucking town should get blown up!"
"You're drunk."
"No, you're drunk... dick."
"...Right."
"I'm wasted actually, but that's besides the point. There's a bright side."
"Oh, do tell." Shikamaru took a mental note to calm down, this was a drunk Naruto he was talking to after all.
"It's Gaara's turn to pick a plan. The stakeout AND the bombs were my ideas. Plus we got Barbie here." He beamed back through the rearview mirror. "So maybe she can give us some leads ya know?"
"You want me to leave the planning to a man who just tried to just rear us off the road... for fucking tacos?"
There was a long silence in the car. So long that Shikamaru assumed Naruto has begun to finally doze off for real this time.
"Naruto? Wake up-"
"You have had Choji's tacos before, right?"
"... For fucks sake. Naruto, we're here."
Shikamaru pulled into a fairly empty parking lot alongside a long one red one story building. The sign atop the building held a huge black cauldron full of cartoonish mystery foods and words in a big red font that read "Ackimichi's".
"You know." Naruto looked down at Ino, her face resembles a genuine feeling of peace as slow breaths eased out with every gentle push of her chest. "She's actually kinda cute-"
"Married." Shikamaru interjected.
"But she said he could go to-"
"Married. Naruto, She's Married."
"Oh come on man! Haven't you seen Mr. and Mrs. Smith? That could be us, this is my chance man!"
"You realize they try to kill each other most of the movie right?"
He had to admit the weight of her against him felt nice and he could definitely tell she wasn't skipping leg day by the firmness of her body.
"Semantics. Let a man dream damnit." Naruto attempted to gently undo his seatbelt without waking her until-
"BEHOLD." Gaara shouted, waking the rest of the car's occupants up. Hands smacked in awe against the car window. "The land of God." Ino jumped straight up and out the car in record time at the sudden outburst. Grabbing at her chest to keep her heart from bursting from its cage. Surprisingly, Gaara attacked his seatbelt with the same haste to try and get out just as quickly.
Unsurprisingly, drunks aren't very good with such simple task.
"Oh dear..." Tenten took her time getting out, walking over to his side of the car and assisting him with the simple task. "You really shouldn't try to keep up with Naruto, you know you're a lightweight." She said, pulling her boss by the arm out of the car.
"Lies! I can out drink that brat any day! Let's go Naruto, we got shots to do. HoOoOo!" Gaara yelled uncharacteristically as Tenten took one of his slumped arms over her shoulder.
"Nahhh I think your done bro." Naruto himself stumbled out, Be he was noticeably more put together than the eager redhead. Walking past the two to go into the diner. "Behave, Tenten doesn't have a lot of patience!" He threw over his shoulder before walking in.
"Don't tell me what to do!"
"Come on Gaara, let's get you something to eat." Tentens offer did its means of distraction perfectly.
"You beautiful woman, lead on!"
"Oh, so I'm only beautiful when I'm offering you food huh?" She smiled up at the man, not really taking his compliment for much in his current state.
"No no no, you're absolutely fucking gorgeous when you pour my coffee."
"Of course." She rolled her eyes.
'I swear, anyone could win his heart with a fucking Keurig.'
"And, when you're doing just about anything really." Gaara found a moment of sobriety to look at her with a hopeful look in his eyes. Her face softened a little as she leaned her face towards his.
"Really?" She said. Putting on an even bigger smile as Gaara's face got even closer to hers.
"Really." He leaned in to kiss her but instead found her lips next to his ear.
"You're sooo not getting any with a line that cheesy you drunk." Tenten giggled to herself as she pulled a deflated Gaara to the front door.
xXx
A/N: lol a little late but it's here. I already had the next chapter in mind, but a transition of sorts had to be made.
Thanks guys for the Bomb ass reviews, it helps a lot. I'll see you all soon. Peace- T
P.S.- Ahaha I love drunk Gaara