"There will be many times in this job where you will feel... stressed." Tsunade sat at her desk before five fresh faced recruits. Gaara and Naruto amongst there numbers listening intently to what she had to say. Standing tall with there hands folded firmly behind their lower backs, a typical show of respect in their field.
"Be it physically, mentally, and more commonly than not, emotionally. Keep in mind that the basic training is two years of the most challenging treatment we can offer. Professionally trained warriors that rival the skill of Kakashi himself will be responsible for you, the next generation." Tsunade stood, walking to the front of her desk where her students waited patiently for instruction.
"We recruit young men and woman like you with the hopes that you will someday surpass us, and to do so the right way that means no days off, no quitting, and noooo special treatment." She emphasized the last bit by giving Naruto a hard, loving, squeeze on the cheek much to his embarrassment.
But still he stood, unwavering.
Tsunade was a woman of classic values. Old fashioned morals, classic music, and a bit of a dated since of how the world worked. Naruto was never quite able to tell just how old she was, but he very wearily headed the warning of his father figure, Jariya, not to ask. The woman could be anywhere from 30-60, as beautiful as she was, and he would be none the wiser.
Still he called her grandma.
"Hey Grandma what can we expect after our two years of training are up?" Of course he already new beforehand but how could he pass up antagonizing the woman? And besides, he wanted to make sure his classmates new just what they were getting into.
"Naruto!" Gaara hissed. "You know not to call her that here-"
"That's Sensei, to you brat!"
She said swatting him for good measure on the back of his head.
SMACK came the thick sound of perfectly manicured hands connecting with a thick skull.
Still, he didn't move.
Angry as she was, the black chalk board she walked up to in hopes of explaining her answer only put credibility to the nickname.
"After you've been accepted to our lovely society you will be expected to serve 6 months at a time under our leadership." She said, writing the number 6 on the boards with the slight screeching of chalk. "That's half a year, 180 days away from everything you ever known." The he number was large and towering compared to the 6. "There will be birthdays missed. Spouses that will be fed up with your strict routine, maybe they'll leave you, maybe they won't. For some of you there will even be family members who will pass during this time. All the while you may very well be stopping people short of their last birthday, taking away someone's lover. A husband, a mother, a brother a sister. The possibilities go on."
This news seemed daunting to the green teenagers in the room. Many of them were still very ambitious but even just the preparatory training with Kakashi seemed to instill doubt in them. Added with the notion of losing everything they had? And that doubt seemed to triple.
"So I encourage you." She took her seat back at her desk. "To really listen to what I'm about to say. I highly encourage you to make a family of the people standing alongside you." Naruto and Gaara gave each other a glance as well as there classmates before looking back to Tsunade. They'd learned well from Kakashi to heed wisdom from those more experienced than them.
"That being said, welcome to my family." Gaara paused to reflect on how genuine her smile was. But the look in her eye seemed to hold something back as well.
'Sadness?'
Sabaku Gaara, Uzamaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, Kiba Inuzaka, and Yuki Haku by my authority you are now enrolled in the Warrior's Elimination Team as trainees. Welcome to the W.E.T and good luck. You're going to need it."
'No not sadness.' He thought as she turned before a single tear threatened to slash against her desk. He looked over at Naruto and knew just why she was so emotional.
'She's proud.'
xXx
Gaara kept playing that speech over and over again in his head as he wondered just how they'd been so lucky to have survived this long.
'Things were so much simpler back then.'
"Oh my God is that a fucking roach?" A peeved Tenten muttered to herself.
"What'd you just say?" An even more pissed of Shikamaru replied.
"Oh." Tenten has t been aware that the man was in ear shot. "I said… you're such a gracious host?"
Gaara let out a snort before sipping the instant coffee Shikamaru has been able to scrounge up.
The group of four, had found themselves at a bit of a crossroads after choosing to leave the Yamanaka household. With the mysterious group of seemingly well trained killers after them, a furious Hyūga, and all of their coffee shops coming down with a sudden case of the "explosions" Gaara and Naruto had found themselves without anywhere decent to go.
"This place is a pig sty." Gaara grumbled.
"Well who the fuck invited you anyway?" Shikamaru shouted from his computer desk.
Emphasis on "decent" but Shikamaru's apartment fit their needs perfectly for the time being.
"It'll do just fine Shika. Mind if we use your room?" Ino Asked, digging through her very expensive looking luggage to find something additonal for Naruto to disguise himself in. Without waiting for a proper response, she was off.
"Let's go!"
Shikamaru pointed to room to his right as Ino took off with the blonde man by the wrist like a rag doll. The man doing his best to claw at the ground.
"I DON'T WANNA!"
"That poor soul is about to become a life sized Ken doll." Tenten remarked as Gaara looked on in horror as Ino pulled Naruto away with surprising strength. Slamming the door shut behind her.
"Don't tell me your hiding some kind of crazy strength like that? I don't think I can handle anymore surprises this week." Gaara questioned as he snapped out of his daze, looking over at Tenten with suspicious eyes.
"Gaara it's Tuesday." Was her simple retort. She could only laugh when she saw the suspicion on his face was genuine. "Well…" Tenten looked at Gaara thoughtfully before tracing his figure with her gaze.
Twice.
Gaara shifted a bit at the blatant once-over.
"Um… Tenten?-"
"I'm not super strong like that no, buuut." Tenten pulled him in close but the collar, just low enough to look him in the eye. A dream like state taking over the man as he looked back at her chocolate brown eyes. She spared him a kiss on the forehead, right on his Kanji tattoo.
His mistake was closing his eyes at the contact.
"I am pretty good with a knife." She said as she pulled away as quickly as she had came.
He snapped to when her heard the slight thump of clothes hitting the ground.
"You should change before Shikamaru sees just how "surprised" you are. She said, sauntering away to go do some changing herself.
"Wha?"
That's when he realized the sound came from his pants that had some how made it to the floor. One clean gash from the crotch to the top button being the reason for their descent.
'Is no one a normal person anymore?... I loved these pants too.'
xXx
'Looking In the mirror I can't help but think what kind of man I am. Driven. Unyielding even. I can't think of a challenge I've shied away from every since I became an eliminator so long ago. Warriors, soldiers, crooks, all the likes of which have fallen at my feet. No challenge too hard, no walk too high, and yet-'
"Naruto! Are you done yet?! Jesus you get dressed like a girl." Ino yelled from the hallway.
'And yet somehow getting this skirt to stay down is harder than killing a whole room of sound rogues… what the fuck is today?'
"I GOT BIG HIPS OK?! FUCK OFF." He sighed to himself, the dastardly Uchiha had won this round. He found it eerily creepy that the skirt actually was his size, and to be honest the blue did match his eyes. He had since kicked Ino out of the room when she tried to add contour to his cheek bones, insisting that they needed some "color".
"My cheek bones are just fucking fine the way the are… I need to fucking kill something. Soon."
"You might just get your wish." A gruff voice said from the doorway.
Naruto turned to see Gaara with Shikamaru's smart phone out.
"... Tell me you didn't do what I think you did-"
"This is going to be an amazing post for my vlog." The camera was still rolling as a pair of heels, earrings and a necklace were thrown in his direction.
"Chill out! I was just kidding, see?!" Gaara shouted through the laughter as he should a locked phone screen. (although unbeknownst to Naruto He'd taken a ton of photos.)
"Don't joke like that, I'm already on edge…" Naruto said as he attempted to dawn the short black pumps Ino had found for him.
"It's weird, you're pretty hot like this."
"Fuck. You."
"No thanks, I think your sights are already set on She-Devil in there. What kind of cruel girl would pick heels for you to wear undercover anyway?" Gaara asked as the blonde fell under crumpled ankles for the umpteenth time."I'm starting to think the abusive woman thing in your life is a trend, maybe even a kink?"
"Nuh-uh-"
"Tsunade, Hana, Sakura, the life sized Barbie in the other room-"
"That doesn't mean anything!" Naruto shouted. Effectively snapping the heel on one of the shoes as he fell again. "God Damnit, how do woman do this? It's like walking on fucking chopsticks."
"So then how do you explain Anko?"
Naruto thought about it for a moment, and laid his head against the ground. Beaten, worn-out, pissed, stressed, and dressed from head to toe in a ridiculous garb that actually managed to make him look like a fairly attractive blonde girl.
This is where he managed to find a rather important shred of introspection. And to think Gaara, and he supposed the woman in question, were to thank for that.
"… you know you're a bastard for that but you might be on to something there." He thought in Awh as his mind began to drift back to some very specific memories.
"I charge hourly as a shrink you know-"
"Hush!" Naruto lazily waved a limp painted nail in his direction. "I'm trying to have an ephipany here."
xXx
Deep in Naruto's twisted adolescent memories.
"Good morning class, I'll be your instructor this week. My name is Anko Mitarashi."
'Good God, she's built like a stripper.' Naruto (and quite a few of his classmates) thought to himself. With dark purple hair, a full body fishnet under a tan trench coat and a sinfully short skirt with curves to match, it wasn't all to hard to tell.
She'd drank her fair share of milk.
"Today is a bit of a screening process. Not all of you could possibly became hardcore killers like some kind of fucking gladiator, so it's best to figure out what you're good at first. So from hence forth until I find something about you that is remotely redeemable, you will be referred to as filth. Get me?"
'Wow… Not quite the phrase I thought I'd hear when I felt the whole "butterflies" thing for the first time.' Naruto thought. Anko's very presence seemed to ooze confidence and admittedly it's something he immediately admired.
"Yeah actually."Sasuke lazily raised his hand.
"Shut up Teme, you're going to get us in trouble!" Naruto whispered rather poorly as he nudged the Uchiha standing next to him. He'd only known the boy for a short time but he knew whatever he had to say wouldn't be the most intelligible.
Gaara found himself sneezing from the thick cloud of irony in the room.
"Yes, filth?"
"I'm a Uchiha, not filth, so where is my training going to be taking place?" He asked, ignoring the warning of his classmate.
"A Uchiha you say?" Anko mouth dropped dramatically with awh.
"You heard me." Sasuke's smirk was downright disgusting, an air of superiority as he looked at the surprised woman's face.
"Oh, well excuse me, there's actually a seat for Uchiha's to spectate from if your interested?" Anko apologized quite nervously.
"O-oh… really?" Sasuke looked genuinely surprised as the woman nodded.
"Mhm. This way." She gestured to the row of chairs on his left and waited for Sasuke's to take a step before-
BAM
"RIGHT THERE ON THE FUCKING GROUND PRINCESS."Her fist connected with the bulk of his skull, sending him crashing to the floor.
"I sorted your brother Itachi not that long ago. Are all you bastards this arrogant?" The woman named Anko lifted the boys head by the hair much to his distress. "The next time you interrupt my class for your bullshit I will personally pluck out those pretty little eyes of yours and send them to your brothers door step with a swing of my fore-iron. Get. Me?"
'Oh. So this is what love feels like... Much more lustful than I imagined?' Naruto was a bit dreamy eyed as he watched the Purple haired woman further lay into the cocky Uchiha before dropping her grip on his head a little to suuddenly for the boy as it bounced a bit roughly against the hardwood.
"Y-yes Ma'm!" Came his pained response.
"… What the hell did you just call me?" Anko stopped cold in her tracks, turning on a heel to walk towards the still downed boy.
"M-Ma'm?" Sasuke's brow furrowed with confusion and a small tint of fear.
"Last I checked I'm manner than any of you filth. Or do you disagree Uchiha?"
Sasuke's mouth opened and closed rather quickly, no real response come out in his jumble of words. Miraculously, he managed to find his barring as Anko grabbed him this time by the nape of his neck.
"Yes, SIR!"
"Good, now that that's finished." Anko dropped the boys head with a resounding thud as his nose connected with the ground. "Where was I? Ah yes, name is Anko. You filth, can call me Sensei. This class will now properly begin."
"Sensei, I have a question."
"Ah, yes the old hag's kid. Another good one I hope?" Anko put on her biggest faux smile as she gave Naruto her undivided attention.
"So is there a Mr. Mitarashi? Or…"
Naruto's question hung in the air like the swing of a an executioners axe.
Sadly his question wasn't directly answered as he felt the weight of Sasuke collide with him as his thrown body sent them clear through two desk and into an unfortunately placed Kiba.
"Ahahah, I like you filth! But only real men even stand a chance with me. Get your first kill and then maybe we'll talk." Anko said as she dusted her hands off.
"Deal!" Naruto moaned in pain from beneath the pile of broken wood and heavy bodies.
xXx
Naruto took the sudden flashback as to why he seemed to gravitate toward such abusive women.
'Woah… What is wrong with me?' He shuddered as he adjusted the twin ponytail wig on his head. Before getting out of the car and heading toward the famous Uchiha Compound.
The man let out a yawn and waited for the tell tale static in his left ear.
"Stag, this is Fox. Operation Barbie is a go."
"Copy that Fox. Be safe,"
"Thanks for the concern-"
"And try to act somewhat normal. Stag out."
'Normal?' Naruto's head tilted a little at the notion. 'Because I fucking dress in drag every weekend right?' He raged to himself as he clomped his way to the front entrance. Thankfully on now broken heels that served as flats.
"You're giving yourself a lot of credit with the whole "Barbie" thing." Ino chimed in.
"Who the Hell's bright idea was it to give the Boar a mic anyway?" Naruto grumbled into the mic.
"The fuck did you just call me?-"
"If you're going to be on communications with us then you need a code name. Your name literally means Boar." Tenten answered, crackling into the adjacent ear piece.
"I don't fucking care Panda!"
"See? You're getting it!" Tenten giggled.
"Yo, would you shut these three up I'm trying to get into character here-"
"We've been expecting you Miss Hatake." A rather large orange haired man interrupted, staring down at Naruto from his elevated desk. A moss pump-action shotgun slung to the front of his chest.
'Oh shit this is it.' Naruto realized as he found himself at the front desk of the building, framed on either side by two metal detectors.
"Kakashi has been rather excited to see his-"
'Don't say wife, don't say wife. Don't say wife.'
"Daughter. If you'll please come this way." The nice guard said.
'Thank fucking god.'
The guard led "her" to an inside seating area, filled with other visitors and prisoners alike. He left Naruto for a moment to go and retrieve Kakashi.
'Man this place is full of freaks.' He thought as he looked at the rooms occupants. Many strange characters with horribly placed face tattoos and grotesque scars. Many of them paid him no mind but he caught quite a few looking at him in a way he wasn't entirely comfortable with…
Most notably a table of six rather strange looking orange haired guys. All bearing some pretty gaudy looking face piercings, layering themselves in thick rows along the nose, ears, brows and anywhere else, each weirdo different from the last. All with a very off shade of light purple contacts in.
Naruto thought nothing of it as he tried to ignore their persistent leering.
'Man maybe the push-up bra was a bit much?' He questioned as he adjusted the stuffing on his chest.
xXx
"Is… is he wearing a dress or did my C4 finally rattle my brain case a bit?" A very confused Deidera asked from his blacked out van across the street from the compound.
"No way, scoot over." A much larger, much bluer man replied as he shoved Deidera to the side, effectively pressing the blondes face against the glass. "Huh, well would you look at the that. The Fox has cracked already." The man said, watching a rather elaborately disguised Naruto as he entered the building. "Are those... Pumps?!"
"Move Kisame!" Deidera struggled pointlessly against the man's weight. "We got some fucking bombs to place."
"About that." A calm voice came from the back seat. "Do not blow up my little brother... And that's a skirt, not a dress you twits."
"But Itaaachiiii-"
"No buts. If he dies. You die. Got it?"
The man named Itachi gave little attention to the obvious covert actions of Naruto, giving him a quick once over through the window before resuming his sleep like state as he leaned his head against the car door.
"Yeah I got it… stupid broody Uchiha's." Deidera mumbled. "First you let them kill Hidan and now I gotta watch him play dress up? This is bullshit."
"Hidan underestimated his opponent. I suggest you not do the same. And besides." Itachi focused his attention on the constant flow of people in and out of the compound. "I think our friends can do some rather helpful reconnaissance from inside."
'Just what are you two up to I wonder?'
xXx
"Hey pumpkin, it's such a nice surprise for you to visit your old man." Kakashi eye smiled from beneath his sick mask as the guard brought him in chains to the table Naruto was at.
"It's no problem dad, how've you been?" Naruto played the part as the armed guard lingered around for a moment.
"You hurt my soul young one, when on earth did you grow out of calling me Daddy?"
'HAH, don't push me you old pervert.'
"Maayyybe right around the time you found yourself in a max level prison?" Naruto replied with venom in his word and a fake smile on his face.
"Ouch… well then is just leave you two to it for a minute." The guard interrupted as he began to shuffle away hastily.
"Actually." Naruto gripped the man's sleeve before he could escape. "Could me and my father maybe talk outsides in the garden?"
"Umm." The man looked down at the girls surprisingly firm grip. "The yard actually isn't open today for the inmates-"
"Come now Jugo." A voice came from behind the giant of a man. "Who are we to deny the "lady" some space with her father?"
"Ah hell, I know that bratty voice." Naruto choked out as he quickly looked for the source of it.
"Are you sure boss? Old man Madara said no yard time on Tuesdays-"
"It's ok Jugo, I got this. I am his favorite grandkid after all." Sasuke appeared on the man's right and Naruto could just feel the burning level of amusement the man was getting from seeing him in disguise.
"All right boss, I'll go make my rounds."
"Miss Hatake I must say, you are stunning." Sasuke said with a rather amused smile, doing his best to maintain his composure.
"Isn't she?" Kakashi dawned the same hard working poker face.
"Fuck both of you." Naruto gritted through clenched teeth.
"Woah! That's not how any daughter of mine will speak!" Kakashi scolded. "Now apologize to the nice man-"
"Can we not? I have places to be." Naruto interrupted. "Sasuke you had your laugh, now get us outside."
Sasuke and Kakashi sadly looked at each other at the loss of their fun, but the Uchiha eventually complied as he hoisted Kakashi up by the elbow and led them to the garden area at the outside center of the compound.
Naruto couldn't help but notice how depressing the whole place was. The walls were all grey, the hallways were littered with armed guards who looked like they were well past any patience for the job. Even the "garden" had only a few shades of color to distinguish it from the average under-watered lawn.
'Underwhelmed yet again. The great Uchiha Compound is just a run of the mill penitentiary.' Naruto thought.
That is until he heard screaming from across the courtyard.
"Oh FUCK, everyone move!" Jugo screamed at everyone in the immediate area, easily snatching up two guards and throwing them over over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes before running toward Naruto's group.
He was like a charging tank of orange hair and muscles.
'What the hell is going on-'
A plume of purple smoke began to bellow out of the hallway Jugo evacuated. An alarmingly large cloud of purple haze started to leak from the hallway followed by a daisy chain of staccato BOOM's heard sporadically around the compound.
Sasuke pulled his collared blue shirt up high to keep out the thick smog before barking out orders. Naruto did much in the same of covering his face with the loose blouse top.
"Kakashi don't move a fucking muscle! Jugo get any stray prisoners in a cell right now! And you!" He turned to Naruto, one shoulder of Kakashi held firmly in place by his grip.
"Why the hell does something have to happen EVERY. FUCKING. TIME you're around?!" Sasuke was fuming as he ushered the two frantically toward the front part of the building.
Naruto found himself only a slight bit surprised by the sudden disruption. Everywhere to his left and right inmates were beginning to drop unconscious to the floor with heavy sighs as the smoke seemed to make quick work of them. Clearly whomever was responsible was here for either Kakashi or himself. As the tell tale thunder of shouting and commotion of bodies seemed to be tearing around the corner towards them. He found the change of pace all too exciting. Shrugging his shoulders as he helped back a toothy grin under the girly shirt.
"It's a talent of mine I suppose."
xXx
A/N: Oh yeah… I love writing this story. And Naruto quite literally looks like Naruko for the most part in this chapter(Ino's that good).
Kidding.
Thoughts on new character additions? Let me know. I love a huge cast, but not to the point where people begin to be left out. That being said, this story still has a waaayyysss to go. And for those wondering if I'm just name dropping characters or if they'll pop up once mentioned?… well I guess you'll just have to wait to see huh :)
PS: Tenten as just a standby? HAH, just wait on it.
Thanks for reading guys! And thanks for the love on the last chapter, hope you enjoyed this one.