A/N: Keeping the 4-5k word chapter format isn't hard. I've just been re-writing a lot lately. Anyway, here ya go! Hope you enjoy.
P.S. I'm not sorry about Anko, you're sorry.
xXx
Basic training. W.E.T Facility
"I think I could marry a stripper."
"... You can't be serious."
Gaara halted the progression of his fork. His subpar Mac and cheese could wait in light of his friends rash decision.
"No I'm serious! Just think about it." Naruto was on cloud nine, shoveling down grey mounds of mush that passed as mash potatoes in the W.E.T. training centers galley.
"Strong, confident. They're the ideal woman. And I mean." A fifteen year old Naruto gazed stary-eyed at Anko across the length of the crowded room. She was busy ravaging the remains of a eighteen ounce steak with her hands and a sharp toothed grin. "She's heavenly."
"You realize just because she looks like one doesn't mean she is. She kills people for a living. You know that!... Right?" Gaara waved a slow hand in front of his face but found no response in his enlarged pupils. A concerned look as he looked over his shoulder to a woman dissecting flesh from bone in a manner that would make a grown man blush. "She probably snatched that chunk of meat from someone's chest cavity..."
"Huh?" Mash simply hit the side of his mouth while his jaw hanged in awe.
xXx
"It's EVERYWHERE."
"Stop being so dramatic, there's just a little dribble on your face."
"Dribble... a DRIBBLE?!"
Tenten and Naruto were busy descending four flights of stairs in hopes of reaching Ino. A mysterious shooter had interrupted Naruto's interrogation and the bloody fruits of its aftermath were proving too much for the blonde.
Or at the very least infuriating him.
The prospect of being made a human canvas of body fluids didn't sit well with the him, and the emptied hallways of the Uchiha compound were there to hear all of his venting.
"She could have at LEAST waited for me to get out of the way!"
Tenten stopped cold in her tracks, having realized they were both rushing for a different reason. She, because she was worried for Ino's safety, and him because he was upset about a little face paint. She took Naruto by the arm before he could exit the building. He shrugged her off as a thought popped in his head , he looked down at his bare feet, having lost his feminine foot wear in the whole "hostage" situation.
'I really need to change.'
"Naruto..." Tenten said nervously.
Naruto busied himself with changing, stripping the garments from the unlucky guard that had been beaten unconscious in the prisons hallway. He traded his ladylike appearance for the guards black pants, blue button up and most importantly. Real shoes.
'The shirts a little big but it'll do.'"And you!" Naruto pointed an acusing finger at the woman. "You turned those other guys into bloody pincushions! I knew you were skilled but a little warning would be nice before I get hurled off of a fucking building-"
"Naruto!"
"What woman?!" They're reached the edge of the hallway and Naruto had managed to remove the majority of the splatter from his face.
"Ino." She took a breath to compose herself. "Ino didn't shoot that shot-"
"What do you mean she didn't shoot that shot? Last I checked we only had one sniper-... oh."
He was out the door before she could hold him back.
"Naruto slow down!"
BANG
Sniper fire continued to echo through the parking lot. Knowing the target, Naruto only ran faster.
"You don't even know what you're doing you idiot!!"
"No friend of mine is getting hurt because of me, that's a promise. Naruto shouted over his shoulder." He had no gun, no knife, no vest, and his new shoes were definitely a bit tight.
But his mind was already made up.
xXx
Basic training. W.E.T Facility
"Now that's a woman."Gaara smiled in the opposite direction across the table behind Naruto.
A girl sat alone, picking uninterestingly at a limp looking salad.
Naruto turned conspicuously, and asked not in the least bit quietly. "You mean Haku??"
The redhead made to shush Naruto's boisterous mouth but noticed the heavy commotion of the galley. He was loud, but he wasn't a megaphone, and she didn't seem to notice, so he let it slide.
"Yes, you loud idiot, Haku."
Haku was possibly the most fair skinned woman Gaara had ever laid eyes on. Her skin glowed like moonlight and dark brown eyes seemed to twinkle against the background of all of that white. She was one of the few females he knew to stay away from make up, but somehow still seemed unflawed. Combined with long, thick black tresses, she was the staple for what most might consider "natural beauty."
"...You know thats a guy right?"
Gaara seemed unphased as he continued his meal.
"That's a vicious lie and you know it. Plus, it came from Kiba. He probably spread that lie when he couldn't get in her pants."
"His, pants."
"Shut it."
"Now don't get me wrong. Pretty dude and all but I just didn't know you swung that way." Naruto shrugged dismissively and continued his ogling of Anko.
"I don't 'swing' that way-"
"I mean, it would explain a lot now that I think about it."
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?"
"Something wrong here, Sabaku?"
The subject of Naruto's admiration had somehow managed to sneak up on the two amidst their squabble.
"Wrong? Nothings wrong Sir-"
"Was I fucking talking to you Uzamaki?"
The boy in question froze like a stiff board.
"Um, No I-"
"Oh!" Anko's voice got louder as she smacked a hard hand on the table. "I guess my name got changed to fucking UM? Now that's news to me."
"No Sir." Gaara interrupted in the behalf of Naruto. "He must have gotten mixed up. Please forgive him."
Gaara did the best thing he could do, which was shut up before she could yell at him any further. He'd already stuck his neck out for the both of them, anything further might cause unneeded attention on their part.
"Feeling ballsy today, huh Sabaku?" Her attention leaned back towards him after his apology. "I initially came over here to see if you were eye-fucking my favorite student. But now I think we'll have some fun with this."
At this point the entirety of the room was focused on the three. The girl in question seemed as oblivious as the rest of the group before them. Gaara sent a very embarrassed look at the ground before making brief eye contact with her. Haku wasn't the type to be easily rattled, but the sudden realization that Gaara was into her, combined with the murmuring and stares front the rest of the collective youth, was enough to send steam blowing from her ears.
"The only jerk she should have to deal with around here is me. And you boys, don't seem to understand that. Always picking on my favorites."
Anko. Oblivious, or more than likely uncaring of the absolute social trauma she was putting Haku through, proceeded to walk over to the girl and give her the most motherly hug possible, cradling her head between her bust.
Much to Haku's discomfort.
"I only get at most three girls a class! I can't have you perverts making it any harder for them than it has to be." This comment clearly was pointed at Kiba as well as she sent a death glare his way.
The boy gulped and backed away quickly into the crowd.
"But I didn't do anything Sir."
"Quiet Sabaku. I'm not typically this kind but apologize for eye-fucking my student, and all will be forgiven."
'Who let the fucking devil become our instructor.'
Gaara thought loosely of the hypothetical scene in which Tsunade was laughing sinisterly as she stamped a big yes on Anko's mugshot resume. A long list of felonies and misconducts beneath her name. The older blond ecstatic at the chance to torment her future students, a nearly empty bottle of sake in her free hand.
'That old hag...'Gaara thought long and hard about what a cruel situation this was. Switching gaze between the anticipating crowd, a dangerously impatient Anko, and probably most importantly, the tomato faced Haku who seemed to be reddening with embarrassment with each passing second between Anko's milk valley.
Or perhaps from lack of oxygen.
'Lucky bastard.' Naruto fumed silently
'Do I apologize and label myself as a creep? Or deny it like any normal man?..' Gaara thought, more rationally than his counterpart.
The room was tense but Gaara kept his cool.
"I apologize Haku."
Gaara made to make his leave but Anko came to hold him seated in place with a firm grip.
"Foorrrr?" She teased.
Sigh
"I'm sorry for starring."
"Ah, ah, ahh. I do not believe that was the agreed upon term maggot." Anko smile was as large as her amusement. "Let her know you're sorry for eye-fucking her and how much of a creep you are."
'Welp. Good bye social life.'
"I'm sorry for eye-fuc"
"SIR IT WAS MY FAULT!"
"…huh?" Anko blinked. She'd never had a student so out of line as Naruto tended to be. This particular outburst was just as surprising as their first encounter.
"Yeah, what?" Gaara asked aloud.
"It's my fault Gaara was looking in Haku's direction. I said some uh… unsavory things about her and Gaara happened to be defending her honor in a way."
Gaara let out a sigh of relief, where it might not had really been Naruto's fault at all, it was nice to know someone at least had his back.
After all, this whole situation was fucking stupid.
"So this is all your fault huh, Uzumaki?" Anko released the girl much to her joy as she gulped down a huge inhale. Haku noticeably relaxed as well, giving Naruto a agitated look in the process.
"Yes sir!" Naruto shook his head firmly. Standing tall with his hands folded behind his back, ready for his punishment.
"So you're taking full responsibility?" Anko was by no means a small woman. By this point she was staring Naruto in the eye, an angry frown only inches from his face.
Turns out Intimidation had a feminine look, and it came in the form of Anko Mitarashi.
"Yes. Yes I do."
"Good." Anko's frown turned toothy, and her predatory smile found itself pointed in Gaara's direction. "Sabaku!" Meet me at the sandbox in five minutes."
"Huh?" They boys responded in unison. As well as with most of the confused crowd.
"Let this be a lesson to all of you." Her pointed words grew wide as she turned to face everyone in the room. "Some of you will come face to face with defeat. And it's gonna hurt, no doubt about that. We instructors can teach you how to deal with it accordingly, and hopefully, win more than you lose. But what I can not help you with." Anko shot Naruto a nasty glare before shoving Gaara towards the door. He got the hint and took off.
"What I can not help you with is the guilt. Some of you noobies seem to think it's a great idea to bare the weight of others downfalls. Always playing the 'hero'. We are not heroes, we are professionals. And I don't give a damn if you're buddy just embarrassed himself or if he's fucking dead, you don't waste good resources. Good warriors try to adapt. NOT give themselves up for something that's already happened." Anko's words seemed to snarl with each syllable like the beast she was. "Understand? Good. Now all of you get out of here before you join sand boy in the pit!"
The room began to clear out with out hesitation. The threat of enduring various exercises in a sandbox full of scorpions was more of a promise than a threat, and all of the trainees knew it.
"Ah! Except for you." Anko held Naruto by the collar. "You idiot, sit down. Why'd you do that?"
Naruto did as he was told and sat abruptly while trying to come up with an answer. But all he could think about was how it was his fault Gaara was in trouble, considerably more trouble now depending on who you ask.
"I-I'm not sure Sir."
"Bull. Shit." Anko's foot tapped heavily on the tiled floor. "You friend was in trouble and you wanted to bare all the consequence on your own. Well news flash kid."
Anko pointed to the wall of valor. A great mural of faces and various feats of the many W.E.T operatives before them. Tsunade sat relatively close to its center.
"Each one of those old salts didn't get the job done by trying to martyr themselves at every turn. They adapted instead and fucking won I don't want you being the dumb rookie who loses his life trying to play hero. I want you to lead a pack of warriors better than I ever could, so that you don't have to deal with loss. Do you understand? Or am I taking to a blonde brick?"
"Yes sir, I promise to do better…"
"Good. Now get the fuck out of here, I gotta finish my dango."
xXx
Back at the Uchiha compound parking lot.
"Let's not try and break that promise today." Instead of a dead on sprint across the lot, Naruto stuck to the longer route towards Ino's building that encompassed the prison as cover. He tapped on the hood of Gaara's Camero and motioned for him to pull alongside the building.
xXx
"PSSTT!" Tayuya "whispered" rather harshly in the lobby of the glass building across from the compound.
"What?" Sakon stopped dead in his tracks, ear close to a black safe he'd been trying to break in since the riot.
"Do you hear that?" The sound of rushing feet up the staircase was getting louder. "Fucking hide!"
The duo clung close to the wall behind an office desk and peered around its corner carefully to see Naruto race by in a hurry up to the next floor.
"It's that Uzamaki brat the Deva's we're going on about." Sakon whispered.
"Who cares. Let's get anything of value and fucking split." Tayuya said, creeping around the corner and towards the staircase.
"Right behined you, I just want to get in this safe first." Sakon had exceptional skills as a theif, he'd broken into many of locks but the small black vault before him seemed a bit out of place. The office space was so neat and administrative, as well as empty due to the commotion next door.
He thought nothing of it as he finally cracked the old school style lock, after a few false attempts, to find a small black package inside.
"Hm, I wonder what this is?" Sakon palmed the package, shaking it a bit and hearing no indication as to what it might be.
"Hurry up you idiot!" Tayuya whispered (screeched) from the top of the stairs.
"Coming." He pocketed the package in his briefs and raced after her.
xXx
Thankfully he had a nice 'break' as a hostage and had enough energy to clear the ten flights of stairs to the roof hallway in only a couple minutes.
"Ino!!" He whispered sharply down the top hallway.
"INO!"
"HUSH"! He could hear Ino yell from the other side of the roofs doorway. "I'm kinda focused on NOT dying.
"What's the situation?" Naruto got close enough to sit his back against the wall next to the door and peak his head out the doorway as low as possible.
"Oh nothing crazy, homicidal huaband, dumb pretty boys trying to play hero. You know, the usual."
"…I'm pretty?"
"That is NOT the point right now." Ino was currently in the prone at the very edge of the roof, covered only by a two foot ridge of metal and brick.
She had to admit, the sight of him in something extensively more masculine was a sight for sore eyes. To bad the shirt was a tad too tight-
BANG
Ino collected her thoughts and noted the direction of the rounds as they flew over head.
"The shots are coming at a angle. The sniper fire that took out that drone is at a higher elevation than us, if I leave this spot he could very well blow my head off before I reach the door." At that Naruto quickly stuck his head back inside.
"THINK YOU WANT TO MENTION THAT EARLIER NEXT TIME?"
"NO ONE TOLD YOU TO COME UP HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE."
"DAMNIT WOMAN….(sigh) nope. Nope, I'm not doing this today." Naruto took a moment to compose himself before speaking . "We're going to get you off this roof. What's his location?"
"Don't cry. He's got his scope focused on me, I doubt he'll take the time to zero in on your location-"
BANG
A round ripped through the wooden door, leaving what was left of it on its henges. Shattering wood and glass alike into tiny pieces.
"… I lay corrected."
"It's almost like my instincts were fucking right huh?…. Now what do you see?" Naruto shuffled back carefully down the hallway as to maintain eyes on Ino, but distance himself from the shooters line of sight at the same time.
Ino looked left and right at the bullet holes that had littered her position. The angle of the three shots on her right and left combined with the slightly left overhead shot that took out the door indicated a cone like pattern. That could be pointed just about 11o'clock of the compound.
"I'd say the old leaf paper factory past the compound. It's got 15 floors, my father used to do business there."
'Now the real question is how I get her out of there in one piece…'
"Alright beautiful, I hope you're ready."
"For?"
Another round went over head, this time reaching into the hallway, about two feet from Naruto's previous position.
"Well, you're going to have to shoot him."
"Say what?"
"Did you get gunpowder in your ears woman? Shoot. Him. D.E.D. Dead!"
"Are you thick in the head? I married Sai for a reason, he is a much better shot than I am and a hell of a lot less compassionate. So I don't see 'giving me a fighting chance' on his list of things to do today."
"Chicks really like the whole 'broody assholeish' thing don't they?..."
Another round made itself dangerously close to Ino's new position as she continued to crawl the length of the small wall.
"I got an idea!" He shouted over to her.
But Naruto's train of thought was muffled by the eyes. Eyes that caught glimpse of a pair of bright pink panties that peaked through the purple dress that rode up with every stride Ino took.
"On second thought. If I leave you down there I'm sure you'll survive." Naruto gripped his chin with his pointer finger and thumb in contemplation.
Ino's paused her retreat. Looking from Naruto, to herself, and then back to Naruto.
"I'm about to die. And all you can think about. Is my ass." The anger has washed over her in two swift waves. The first at the realization that her favorite dress was being mangled by a low crawl, and the second when she realized that Naruto had been able to peek at her little bit of heaven. But the look on her face now was from the pure disbelief in the other blondes priorities.
"I mean obviously I'm kidding but can you fucking blame me? I mean what are you feeding that thing?!"
(Gasp)
'Maybe the wrong choice of words.'
"What the fuck did you just say to me-"
"COMPLIMENT. Compliment, compliment, Jesus H. Christ it was a compliment."
'This woman is way too distracting.'
"On what world is calling a woman, WHO IS UNDER FIRE, a fat ass. A fucking compliment?!"
BANG.
Another round riddled through what remained of the door. Spilling more glass and wood at Naruto's feet. The roof itself was made of metal paneling , making it hard to believe the guy had gotten so many close hits with that much reflection in his way.
'A real distraction huh…'
"Ino give me your gun."
"What? No. Tsunade talked shit about your rifle skills every chance she got."
"Ino." Naruto laid prone on the wooden floor, arms stretched out. "Trust me."
"And why should I trust you?..." Ino's hands fiddled nervously with the grip of her sniper rifle.
"Well for one, it seems like I'm the only person who ever have told you that your ass is fat. So that's a one up on the ol' honesty factor if you ask me." Naruto stated matter o'factly.
Ino aimed directly at the blondes position and pulled back the bolt of her rifle.
"Um… Ino?"
She clicked off the safety and pulled slowly on the trigger.
"Inopleaseyourjustinsanelyfuckinghot." More words spilled out in an endless stream before-
BANG.
The slap of lead on skin could be heard, followed by a thud.
The groan of pain that came from Naruto's lips was due to the now dead 250 plus pound man that fell indiscriminately atop of him.
"Fuck this guy is heavy." He grit out as he rolled from underneath him.
"Did that guy really think he was going to sneak up on me? He's bigger than a mountain. You've gotten soft in your retirement." Ino noted as she shook her head at Naruto's struggle to escape from beneath the man. Ino brought the gun back to neutral, breaking it down and stuffing it in its suitcase.
"I… hadn't noticed." Naruto gave one last heave of effort, finally squirming from under the dead weight.
"It looks like some of the convicts decided to stick around. So whatever you're gonna do, you better make it quick." She heaved the briefcase as best she could, thankfully once her toss hit the hardwood, it slid gracefully past Naruto.
"Perfect." Naruto dusted himself off as he stood, taking the briefcase in hand, and two large chunks of glass in the other. With relative ease he cut a small tear into the deceased mans shirt and pulled off a reasonable sized piece to wrap the glass in. Once the job was done he tossed it back to Ino.
"Now I need you to do what you do best."
"What? Be 'insanely fucking hot'?" The blonde teased, a genuine laugh escaping her lips.
"Be a complete distraction, yes."
"Only if you beg me again." Her tone was playful and he could clearly see she's forgotten where she was for a moment.
Naruto couldn't tell if Ino was riding the wave of some strange kind of killers high, or if this was just her method of coping with stress. Either way he thought it was great she could muster a laugh.
And a sexy tone at that.
'Maybe I DO have a type. Insanity seems to be a theme...We're definitely having a talk about her choice of words later though. '
"Ok 'pretty please' take those two pieces of glass and make a reflection off of the roof. But be careful, it won't be long until he starts taking pop shots at where he thinks you are. Once you're in position, I'll go a few floors below and start taking shots in his general direction."
'Because there's no way in hell I'm making a 900 meter shot.'
"Once he's convinced the glass was a distraction, and is instead shooting at nothing, he'll-"
"Focus fire on the floors beneath us instead so you can come back and give me the rifle so I can take the shot… Not a terrible plan."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
The first half went relatively smooth. With two chunks of glass instead of one, Ino was able to manipulate the suns ray at the metal dome with ease. Receiving the light with the first chunk and reflecting it off of the second that she positioned away from her.
Pop shots immediately went off, flying at the position of middle piece of the glass puzzle that Ino had set up. Naruto took position and with no surprise he found their guest on the 15th floor of the paper company building.
'That's over a click away. She's right, there's no way I'm making that shot.'
"Oh well." Naruto breathed deep and took his first shot in between the dead space of his next breath. Quickly loading the next round, the second shot managed to blast the glass of the room open. It took a moment for their attacker to realize what was happening, but eventually he found the open window Naruto was shooting from.
When the attacker turned, Naruto fled before he could zero in on him. Barreling up the stairs to Ino, tossing her back the rifle, minus the suitcase.
"You got 20 seconds tops before he figures out he's been played. Make it happen!"
She was already sighting her shot. She scooted closer to where the light was reflecting off the metal roof. From her scope, she registered another shot being placed below them as well as its shooter. When her crosshairs fell on her target however, she noticed something was off.
BANG.
The brick wall to Ino's left began to crumble, leaving mounds of it to fall to the street.
'My husband doesn't miss an open target.'
BANG
Her return fire saw the sniper drop his rifle from the 15th story as his body went limp.
"YES! Great shot, now let's get the hell out of he-"
The floor beneath them began to shake violently.
"The fuck is that? An earthquake?"
xXx
Somewhere across the river of the Uchiha compound
"You really expect some Root Sheep to take down the Fox? I don't know man, seems pretty naïve to me."
"Shut it blondy, you just want to blow the fucking building." Kisame grumbled
"Either way he's going to die, so I don't see why it matters to either of you two. " Itachi said, largely uninterestedly.
"Well last I checked, I said the one to kill him would be ME. Not some amateur rando."
"Then just do it already?"
Itachi's words caught Deidera off guard. He looked between the detonator in his hand and Itachi with mouth wide open.
"YOU TOLD ME NOT TOO!"
"What I told you was not to kill my brother, and last I checked-"
"Nuh uh. Nope. Say less. Blowing up now."
Deidera pulled the trigger and watched the foundation begin to crumble in a flood of beautiful orange fire and brick debris.
"Ahh, big finish." Deidera laid slump in his car seat as they watched the building begin to tumble from across the street.
"… weren't both sides supposed to blow?" Kisame questioned, and Deidera's tranquility turned to agitation.
He watched in white hot rage as indeed, one side of the building began to topple, only one charge going off.
"OH GOD-"
xXx
"DAMNIT. Can I get a break today?!" Naruto shouted.
Ino busied herself packing up the rifle as Naruto ran around the top of the roof looking for a reasonable exit. It'd be only seconds, maybe a minute before this thing broke down completely.
"Is this whole fucking building made of glass?!" Naruto noted, as he leaned over the edge of the building. Apparently the only hard metal was on the roof that was made entirely of metal and brick, while the rest of the building was completely see through glass that was pretty flimsy if rounds could penetrate it with one well placed shot.
'Wait. Glass?' Naruto looked over the edge and beamed with excitement. He snatched Ino up in his arms (and dodged multiple swings for it).
"Ever heard of building surfing?"
Her response was a hard right to the jaw as he jumped over the edge of the building with the lean of the fall.
xXx
Somewhere else in town
The populace was quiet confused. A small cell of escaped convicts had been all over town, breaking into convenient stores, banks, and gun stores alike.
A specific duo of a loud red head and a grey haired man had been seen taking post in a parking garage. Shouting threats from the top floor to the patrons and police below.
...Until the entire floor blew up.
xXx
Back at the compound parking lot
Gaara waited patiently in the drivers seat. Having silenced all communications after Sai has compromised the line.
He'd been watching Tenten sleep peacefully for about 5 minutes now and it was taking every ounce of self restraint in him not to question her to death about her mysterious past. Multiple men had just met their fate at her hands and yet she still looked so innocent. One of her chocolate brown buns had come undone and it's flow cupped her face like a frame. Dried blood bit at the ends, but she still didn't look like she'd just fought to the death.
At most, maybe just had a long day.
He cupped her hand in is and she could feel her squeeze his hand at the contact.
"You were awake this whole time, weren't you?" He said, more of a statement than a question really.
"Maybe." She smiled, her eyes still closed.
'I guess my questions can wait.'
BOOM
"AGH!" Tenten jumped up the passenger seat, banging her head abruptly on the car ceiling.
'Well there goes that.' Gaara sighed.
"What fresh hell is this?" Gaara put the car in park, pulled out his shadow black revolver from the glove compartment and exited the car.
The leaning building crumbling before him was truly a spectacle, but the real attraction was the double blonde figure in the distance.
Naruto was sliding down the length of the glass building on his ass, a squirming Ino in his hands.
"You see that too right?" Tenten stood, arms crossed, next to Gaara with an open mouth expression on her face.
"Mhm."
Dust and debris littered the entirety of the parking lot and the boisterous sound of the building collapsing was sure to bring unwanted attention.
"He's fucking lost it… Gaara what the Hell are you doing?"
"Hush. And I'm not answering any questions until you answer mine." He have a stern look out the corner of his eye and Tenten reluctantly silenced herself.
Gaara aimed his gun carefully at the building, from the middle of the parking lot he had at least 80m to cover.
'Easy day.'
Three rounds fired back to back and struck true to the bottom floor lobby window. The duo fell in before the building was completely toppled to its side.
xXx