Dine and Dash

The freshly caught and cooked fish was admittedly delicious: with just a hint of pepper, salt and lemon, it was unlike anything I had eaten until that moment, and something that pissed on everything that I had known in my previous life. The place where I had followed Bell-mère was a fishmonger with a small kitchen on the side, so while the dishes were all rather simple, the quality of the product couldn't be understated.

Still without my legs, I had my torso perched on a stool while I ate, making idle conversation between a bite and the next: "So, why did you become a Marine? To be a Petty Officer now, you have joined before the execution.

Bell-mère raised an eyebrow while she finished gulping down her order, washing it with some water before answering: "Kind of personal, isn't it? Why did you choose to be a lowly clown?"

I shrugged, focusing momentarily on my tripping legs that were slowly coming closer to where I was, before replying: "With this nose, there isn't much market for a merchant, is there?"

"You'd have preferred to be a merchant?" she cleaned up her dish with a piece of white bread and tilted her head, only to speak with her mouth full: "Ah dun' see it."

"Trading is easy." in a world without digital trading, the economy was very much a joke, "You buy the local product where it costs little, then transport it where it's rare, and sell it for five times the price to idiots that don't really need it, that's all there is to it."

Bell-mère let out a bark of laughter before taking out a cigarette and placing it between her lips: "Somehow, I don't think it's quite like that... and the transportation is beyond you, given that you managed to sink your boat by sailing into that storm."

"Nobody's perfect, I guess." I cleaned up my plate in a manner similar to hers and finished the water in the pitcher over the small table placed at the shadow of the fishmonger where we ended up eating. As I spoke, my eyes fell on the dirt road that led from the small harbor to the even smaller village, "This doesn't look like a place warranting a Marine Base."

"It isn't." she shook her head, a strand of her magenta hair cutting through the lazy wisps of smoke that unfurled from her lit cigarette, "And the ship we're using is rather small, my captain wanted to do something while most of the sailors beached the main vessel...

She pointed back to the harbor, where, sure enough, white-dressed people were moving back and forth from the pale green ship that flew the Marines Flag: "The small cargo is why we're here to resupply, it's why I have the freedom to just eat at my leisure, we'll sail in the afternoon... say, when you find your legs, think about joining the Marines, I had only heard stories about Devil Fruits, but they're all useful."

I made to answer only for Bell-mère to talk over me: "Even in the hands of a lowlife like you."

I let the easygoing conversation wash over me as I laughed: that would be the day, wouldn't it? Buggy the clown becoming a marine, as if! "Too many orders for me."

"You followed mine easily enough."

I made a show of looking her over: besides being an objectively fit woman, she was a spitfire, and it wasn't like I had anything to do until Shanks and my legs managed to find me. "I doubt that many marines are like you, chainsmoking aside."

My focus was sharply dragged to my legs while my left fist clenched under the table: my shins had impacted against something that felt a lot like an edge made of concrete, maybe a low wall or something, and now hands that I fervently hopes belonged to Shanks were prodding me to move forward.

I need to train my multitasking. Canon Buggy had been able to do some relatively crazy stuff, like exploding in a bunch of pieces that he barreled on his opponents. I hadn't really had the time to practice the full extent of my powers, but given how I had managed to turn my hands into strips when cutting it with a knife, I theoretically could wrap one just before the muzzle of a gun and the other around the trigger, essentially making me able to use a fuck-ton of firepower. Sure, it won't be very useful in the New World, but there is time until we get there...

My eyes darted forward just in time to spot the spot-clean dish that Bell-mère had flung at me: too late to raise my hands, I instead simply tweaked that sixth sense that I had no words to describe, and my head split apart in order to let the disc sail through. I got distracted thinking about my legs while looking at her tits, didn't I? The worst part was that I couldn't even say that I had enjoyed looking

"How can you be this much of a horndog without the parts needed for it!?" the Petty Officer bit on her cigarette while flinging the tableware at me, only to go slack-jawed when her 'attack' failed to connect.

The plate fell onto the dirt road behind my shoulders without breaking, and in the silence that followed, I smiled smugly: "As you've said, a Devil Fruit can be useful..."

Just as she was starting to blindly grasp for something else to throw at me because of my perceived ogling, I spontaneously floated up from my stool, and in the indescribable world of my sixth sense, I felt my legs with much more clarity: apparently, they'd just come into range, and with it came the oddity of being able to move the broken off pieces of my body with a mere thought. Didn't Buggy need his feet on the ground to be able to fly?

And now that I focused on it, I felt that the weight on my feet had grown considerably, as if before they hadn't been holding up my torso, while now that they were inside my apparent range all that I was 'counted' as standing on them. There is much potential here...

"What..?" Bell-mère's voice made my head twist towards her even as I started to hover backwards, a fierce grin naturally blossoming on my face.

"I told you that I needed to be whole for my best trick." I laughed, thinking at how absurd it sounded to shout my attacks out loud in this world that was now my reality. It was more or less necessary in the manga and the anime, in order to let the reader or viewer know what was happening, but here, I was in control, and in a fight, I would never waste breath or focus in order to broadcast my intentions. Still, to every rule there was an exception, and this sounded way too fun to pass up: "Behold, my greatest trick to date! Bara Bara no... Dine and Dash!"

I broke apart in dozens of irregular pieces and flew up the street at speeds that no normal human on two feet could follow, and less than thirty seconds later, I heard the relieved voice of Shanks greet me: "Buggy!"

My feet kept running as if they had legs even when the limbs in question broke into horizontal segments and stretched towards me, sticking to the base of my torso and the rest of myself while I got reassembled in a symphony of clicks and kept my head on a swivel: "Shanks! Thanks for the legs, I've found us a ship!"

"Wha..." I dragged him to the side of the street while I tried to figure out a different way to use my powers: with a sharp tug, my red nose abandoned my face and was secured in the sash I had around my midriff, and grasping my hair, I tried to envision them as a single block before pulling. With an odd sound that reminded me of a stone landing in a puddle of still water, my blue mane came off in a single piece, only to join my nose in my sash. Then, before Shanks could get in a word, I shrug off my shirt and wrapped it so that it would cover the color of the cloth I kept around my waist, it wouldn't do to let clothing give me away when I managed such a clever use of my fruit.

Instead of running away from the road, I kept walking at Shanks's side towards the small village, my head lowering as I took off my mouth and levitated it into the low shrubbery that came before the shoreline proper: "Mah, Mah, Maa..."

I made a silent gesture to the red-haired pirate at my right and slowly and carefully placed his straw hat over my shiny bald head, just in time for Bell-mère to run up the dirt road with the gun ready in her right hand and her teeth biting almost cleanly through the filter of her cigarette: "You two!" she shouted, "Did you see..."

Before she could come too close and maybe notice the odd colorless surface that stood in place of my bright red nose, I took a deep breath and shouted: "Bell-mère! Did you come for that cigarette!?"

My voice thundered from off the road, and as she immediately turned towards the origin of that sound, I delighted in the awe on Shank's face, who was looking at me like he had never seen me before: "Are you actually... not an idiot?"

He spoke lowly enough that the Petty Officer that began firing into the low shrubbery didn't hear him, and I made a show of letting my grin float in front of his nose before returning to sit above my chin. Placing the Straw Hat back where it belonged, I let out an equally low cackle: "Without my legs, I've been thinking about what I could do with my remaining parts... I'd be a fantastic ventriloquist, don't you think?"

Turning a bit, the future Emperor eyed the frustrated marine that was still running towards the sea: "That's not all you did, it seems."

"I chatted up a pretty girl, then left her with the bill." I easily admitted the truth while I led Shanks towards the harbor, my eyes lighting up as I spotted a merchant ship that was about to sail.

"Is that why there are marines already looking for you?"

I eyed him shrewdly, tilting my head back from where we came from: "She might have been a Pretty Officer.", then I slung an arm around his shoulders, "Now, how would you like to start this adventure with some spectacular acts of piracy?"

Shanks was almost grateful that Buggy had lost his memory.

Well, not quite: it was sad that someone with whom he had shared so much insanity, so much marvels, was now apparently gone. Surely, the red-haired pirate would have loved to have the boy he had grown up with on the Oro Jackson along for the ride to the One Piece, but while some small part of him regretted the old Buggy's absence, the greater part of his soul rejoiced in having such an entertaining First Mate.

Knowing the world as he did, Shanks understood that the people you loved could vanish in the blink of an eye: the sea was dangerous, strangers were dangerous, and ambition, when not backed up with the necessary strength, was absolutely lethal.

He had been ready to grieve and forge on when he found the legs of the clown-like companion he had, to see them rise and guide him to his First Mate had been both relieving and hilarious, leading up to the awe-inspiring trickery he had pulled off with his Devil Fruit, and the mischievous streak a mile wide that had led him to the plan he dubbed 'Eastern Dine and Dash'.

At the end of the line, the young pirate was sad to have lost the old Buggy, and happy to have found the new one: he accepted the change with the nonplussed resilience of those that had seen a lot. When the time came, Shanks was quick to run to the edge of the port quay along with a completely restored Buggy, only to jump as the main sails of their target were unfurled.

The merchant ship the two pirates were sneaking on board of was too big for only two men to lead, but they didn't need to: all the work had already been done by the lawful crew. Just as the two finished climbing over the bulwark, one sailor gave the alarms: "Stowaways! Captain, stowaways on the helm's deck!"

The sailors explicitly hired as a security detail were maybe an even dozen out of the twenty members of the crew, but Shanks had seen worse odds: "Not stowaways." he corrected smugly as he adjusted his Straw Hat and unsheathed his sword.

"We're pirates, you fools!" Buggy shot forward with a fearless smile that clashed with the personality of his old self, but that somehow was perfect for the resourceful clown that he had proven to be, while Shanks twirled his blade, smacking the flat of it against the head of the nearest sailor.

"Help!" clad in what looked like a richly embroidered linen tunic, the owner of the ship rang the bell used to call all the crew on deck, "Pirates!"

This close to the harbor, meant that the marine vessel could hear it perfectly. Shanks sidestepped and shoulder-checked another sailor that had tried to attack him, flinging him out of board, and surely enough, he saw white-dressed figures scutter on the Marines' pale-green ship to immediately give chase.

Shanks returned his attention to the ship and landed his hands on the helm, keeping the vessel on track while he observed Buggy dispatch the mooks that attacked him: the few gunshots missed as he instinctively scattered with the power of his Devil Fruit, keeping between himself and the attacker this barrel or that mast, while swords and daggers proved completely useless.

Punch after punch, Shanks visibly took notice of the faint hesitance his First Mate had shown on their trip from Logue Town vanish: he hit with elbows, knees, kicks, and everything else under the sun, planting his feet oddly on the deck while parts of his bodies wracked the opponents like cannon balls.

Soon enough, every member of the ship they had taken over was either unconscious or thrown overboard, and Buggy quickly tossed the unmoving people on the life-boat that hung over the bulwark on the right, before throwing his knife-wielding hands to cut it loose.

While the lifeboat fell to the calm sea, Buggy kept cackling like the absolute madman he was and walked into the hull of the ship, experimenting with his powers to move the contents more quickly on the deck. With liberal usage of ropes and knives, he appointed curtains like they were cloaks, and actual clothes like they were people here and there on the deck and masts.

Then, when everything was as ready as it could go, his blue-haired head shot upwards, swiftly followed by his knife-wielding hands, and cut larger and larger tears into the spread sails.

Shanks could only shake his head in wonder as the stolen ship immediately slowed down to the point at which the Marines started to gain on the two pirates.

Maybe half an hour later, Buggy dragged a small chest to the deck, along with a large knapsack, followed by a couple of small barrels that he placed into a rope net next to the bulwark, only to make his way to the helm that Shanks had been holding up to that point: "The next time I want some of the fun too, Buggy." the captain 'scolded' his First Mate, who limited himself to smack his shoulder.

"Some money, some clothes, some rum." the blue-haired madman shrugged: "Nothing to write home about... we're almost there."

Quietly, strip-like sections came off the back of the red-nodes pirate and sneaked into some cloaks that had been taken from the hull, rising them from the floor as if ghosts, and the clown's hands closed onto the helm.

Shanks grinned at him before looking at the Marines that were already reading the single two cannons they freely had on the deck of the small vessel: with such dimensions, it wasn't feasible to have a multitude of stationary positions for the artillery, and soon the two pirates heard the telltale *boom* of a quickly incoming ball of lead.

Shanks slinked off to the main deck and lowered himself to the ground, as if he was one of the sailors struck down by the pirates, and waited, taking a measure delight with every crack and shudder of the wood under him.

Soon enough, the warning voices of the fanatic marines rang and were ignored, only for some rifles to start shooting too. And then, it came: the male captain of the smaller vessel ordered it with the full strength of his lungs. "Let's board that filth!"

The cheering marines quickly reached one side of the merchant's vessel and threw the grapples needed to secure the two ships together.

With gunshots striking the mannequins Buggy had prepared, six of the ten members of the law enforcers climbed on board and moved towards the helm's deck: "These are fakes!"

Some of them realized that there was a trick afoot, but it would avail them little.

Silent as a mouse and swifter than the wind, Shanks waited for Buggy to start posturing before jumping beyond the bulwark and landing nimbly on the smaller ship: with his sword outstretched, he took a step forward while his blood sang in his veins and laughter bubbling up from his gut. Buggy had been right: this was simply too funny to not laugh about it.

The first marine fell unconscious before he realized what was going on, while a second kept a gun trained on the red-haired pirate as if he had the balls to shoot when he could so easily hit a comrade. Sword flashing under the sun, Shanks laughed as he parried a clumsy attack and buried his elbow in the nape of the sailor's neck, only to throw himself on the ground to avoid the bullet shot from the one he had deemed too cowardly to attack him.

He could respect that he was ready to kill if nothing else. The Straw Hat was angled back as the sword-wielding pirate rilled back to his feet and backhanded the marine trying to engage in close quarters combat into unconsciousness before turning to the one who had shot him.

"You know, when you use a gun, you should be ready to actually kill." the gaze of the pirate was serious as he regarded his last target, "And you know what they say about reaping what you sow..." But apparently, the sailor wasn't ready to die, as he simply threw himself off board, swimming furiously towards the life-boat filled with the merchant's crew that was slowly making its way back to the small island they had come from.

With an amused smirk, Shanks cut free the ropes that tied the marine vessel to the merchant's ship and used the loose ends to secure the three unconscious marines on his new ship, only to turn with his weapon held ready when he heard two soft thumps behind him.

He could only go jaw-slacked at what he saw: on the deck of the marine vessel there were Buggy's feet, and floating above them there was a single eye that swirled around madly.

Making a show of nodding, Shanks threw the unconscious marines into the sea, only to smirk when he checked that the length of the ropes he tied them with was too short to let them drown. Immediately after, he grabbed the helm and angled away from the bigger, sabotaged, and cannon-tested vessel, heading away from the island that was now as big as his hand on the horizon.

Soon enough, another series of thumps echoed on the small ship: the knapsack, the small barrels, and the chest Buggy had secured were deposited by floating hands one after another, only for the one eye of the blue-haired pirate to rejoin the main body while it floated above the waves, the marines left on the bigger boat began cursing as they had figured out what had happened, and despaired because they had used up their bullets on mannequins and on an assault that Buggy had clearly easily avoided.

Still floating backward towards the stolen marine ship the red-haired pirate was leading away, Buggyy laughed thunderously with his arms spread open: "You'll remember this day as the day in which this lowly joker made clowns of you all!"

Holding the helm, Shanks himself let out a matching peal of thunderous laughter: as a proper start of the adventure he dreamed about, stealing a marine ship with its hull recently filled wasn't bad at all.

AN

I hope I made the chat with Bell-mère fast enough and filled enough with the MC's thoughts and plans so as to not result too boring. The subtle uses of the Bara Bara no Mi open up so many possible roads to the mayhem that I can hardly sit still in my seat.

I'm trying to not lose myself into meaningless details, as it is often the case in One Piece fics, so I kept the whole thing as minimal as possible, avoiding most of my usual flair when it comes to describing fights, environments, and whatnot.

Buggy and Shanks are back together, and we see the very first act worthy of a pirate: what did you think? Let me know what you think!