Here is chapter 3! I am... actually pleased with how this one turned out! The start is a little angsty but I'm giving your emotions a break guys I swear.

Also I am featuring a Grey's Anatomy quote that's stuck with me for years. It popped into my mind as I was writing Mika adjusting to his new normal. If you've ever followed Grey's, you'll have no trouble drawing the parallels to Mika's life.

Chapter 3: It's Hard To Be Anywhere These Days

Song: This Is Me Trying by Taylor Swift

"For most people, a hospital is a scary place. A hostile place. A place where bad things happen. Most people would prefer church, or school, or home. But I... grew up here. While my mom was on rounds, I learned to read in the O.R. gallery. I played in the morgue. I colored with crayons on old E.R. charts. The hospital was my church... my school... my home. The hospital was my safe place... My sanctuary. I love it here.

... Correction: loved it here."

- Dr. Meredith Grey
Grey's Anatomy - Season 6, Episode 23 - "Sanctuary"

I've been having a hard time adjusting
I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting
I didn't know if you'd care if I came back
I have a lot of regrets about that

The Hall of Princes had always been the very centre of Mika's entire universe. Of course it wasn't necessarily a happy place for most vampires. Laws were made there. Trials were held. Sentences were passed. Justice was served. Not everyone had a good experience there, and Mika had respected that. But it was his happy place nonetheless.

He was only in his early twenties the first time he walked through those doors at Paris's side. In that moment, he felt like he was home. He couldn't explain why he felt such a strong connection to the room or why he took one look at that row of simple wooden thrones at the front of the room and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that was his destiny. And it wasn't merely entitlement talking; even though he was the star apprentice of the legendary Paris Skyle. He'd only known Paris 5 years at that point and he knew better than to expect a leg up in the vampiric political world. If anything, Paris was harder on him so that if Mika did achieve his goals the clan would know he did so by his own merit.

And achieve them he did. Mika had sat in Paris's throne several times over the years but the moment he finally sat in his very own, the night of his investiture, was better than he could've imagined. The mountain was home, and that throne was his endgame. He grew up here, sitting in on meetings and conferences with Paris, learning everything he could. He found a family here, forged unbreakable bonds baptized in blood, sweat, and tears. He raised his daughter here. He couldn't count how many times she'd fallen asleep in his arms there in that throne as he conducted business. He fell in love here - twice, if you counted Arra which he did. Even on the most tedious, boring days where nothing remotely interesting happened he repeated the same mantra every time he walked up the middle aisle of the hall on the way to his throne:

I'm where I'm supposed to be. This is home. I'm so lucky. I love it here.

It's one thing to have a job. It's another thing to be good at it. And it's yet another thing to know you're good at it. And was he ever good at. Mika had it all, even from a young age. He was a gifted speaker, he was clever, charismatic, fiery but not reckless. He was politically savvy and physically tough, an incredible warrior. That wasn't to say he didn't work hard, but he was just naturally good at all the things required to succeed. He was never outright cocky about it, but he was confident and deservedly so.

A confidence that took centuries to build and seconds to destroy.

Seven days to the hour Kurda would have been formally invested, Mika found himself standing still as a statue, in front of the huge doors that stood between him and that room he once loved so much. How could he possibly walk in there, smile and wave, get back to business and find a way to exist in the very room where his entire world crashed and burned? His mind ran in circles, warning bells were blaring in his mind and he felt the familiar suffocating pressure on his chest as his mind and body objected emphatically to what he was about to do.

I don't want to to this. I'm not ready. I can't do it. It's too soon. I can't be in that room again. Anything but this. I'm going to lose my fucking mind in front of everyone. Oh gods. Oh fuck. Deep breaths. Tell them you're sick. Tell them you need another day. Fuck fuck fuck I can't do this.

He kept thinking about his painful and much too brief visit with Gracie where he'd broken the news to her. She'd been devastated, angry, and rightfully so. He'd explained everything to the best of his abilities. She cried. So did he. But she accepted it. Somehow at the age of 15, she possessed the inner strength to accept this incomprehensible twist of fate with dignity. Like a Phoenix, she'd rise from the ashes stronger than before.

If she could do that, Mika figured he should at least try.

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout
Could've followed my fears all the way down
And maybe I don't quite know what to say
But I'm here in your doorway

I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying

Darren's first week as a Vampire Prince had been a whirlwind. He almost didn't have time to wonder where Mika was. He did overhear several muttered comments between Paris and Arrow at one point though. From what it sounded like, Kurda's betrayal had cut Mika deeper than anyone else and he was taking some personal time.

Darren felt a pang of sympathy as he remembered the brief but pleasant conversation he'd had with Mika and Kurda's daughter Gracie. It felt like years ago but it had barely been a month. For a while, the mental image of the smiling, blond-haired General and the moody, dark-clad Prince raising a child together had been a little amusing.

But now, any thought of Kurda made his heart sink all over again. He was nowhere near close to working through his feelings over the betrayal. It was literally the most complicated situation he could've imagined. In the short time he'd known Kurda, he felt like he'd known him forever. He seemed to become family overnight. And then... well, everyone knew how that turned out.

Darren had been chatting with Larten and Seba when the doors slid open and Mika slowly walked in.

"There he is!" Arrow boomed eagerly. But there was a hitch in the tattooed Prince's voice. Darren glanced over at him, he looked almost overwhelmed with relief as though he hadn't been expecting Mika to show up. Perhaps Mika was struggling more than Darren realized.

Darren took a closer look at Mika as he approached the throne platform. He looked tired and maybe a little paler than last time he saw him, had it really been a whole week since everything happened? But all-in-all, Mika looked mostly fine. It wasn't like Darren knew him that well to begin with.

"Sorry I'm late." Mika grunted unceremoniously as he sat down in his throne. Now that he was only a few feet from Darren, he could see Mika was tense. He was putting on an impressively cool facade, but Darren noticed the way he gripped his armrest as though trying to keep himself grounded. Darren didn't pay much attention to it though. It had been a difficult week for everyone.

"We're just glad you're here." Said Paris softly, reaching over and touching Mika's arm.

"So what did I miss?" Mika asked briskly.

"We've mostly been talking strategy and discussing hypotheticals." Said Paris.

"Been a lot of talk and not much action." Arrow added. "We've mostly been deciding where we want to send our troops and what we want them to do when they get there."

"They will mostly be doing reconnaissance at first, obtaining more concrete information about the Vampaneze Lord. After which they will report back to us so we can make an appropriate plan around that." Larten added with a distinct air of self-importance.

Seba rolled his eyes while Paris chuckled kindly.

"Larten, you're doing it again." Arrow remarked.

"Doing what?" Larten asked, looking affronted.

"Darren's job." Arrow snorted. The boy Prince blushed, but giggled. Larten also blushed but most certainly did not giggle.

"Fine." Larten huffed. "Go ahead, Darren."

Darren took a deep breath.

"Okay." He said determinedly. "So we're splitting the Generals into teams to go do... uh..."

"Reconnaissance!" Larten hissed.

"I don't even know what that means!" Darren groaned.

Larten mashed his palm against his face and sighed.

"It's just a fancy way of saying 'gathering information'." Said Paris gently.

"It's okay, Darren." Arrow shrugged. "You don't need to be a wordsmith to do this job. I thought "for all intensive purposes" was a real phrase until like, two years ago."

"It's not?" Darren frowned.

"It's "for all intents and purposes"." Mika grumbled, rolling his eyes. Even though he would've rather been anywhere else in the world at the present moment, was unable to help himself. "This is why I still proofread his speeches for him."

"Am I going have to give speeches too?" Darren asked, looking suddenly alarmed.

"Eventually." Said Paris gently. "But don't worry. If anyone laughs at you, you can just have them arrested."

Darren smiled sheepishly as the others laughed. They chatted away for several minutes about nothing in particular; there was time to kill before the first meeting of the night was set to begin. None of the Generals had arrived yet.

Mika let his mind wander away from the rest of the group. They all seemed so relaxed, as if the entire world hadn't ended merely a week ago. How could they laugh? How dare they smile and crack jokes as though it was just another day in paradise? Mika felt a sickening wave of resentment at Arrow, the man was positively doting on Darren. Mika knew his best friend had a soft spot for kids, but coddling the young Prince wouldn't do him any favours in the long run.

Mika stared at the other side of the room, looking at nothing in particular, trying to tune Arrow's voice out as he eagerly told Darren a story about the time 200 years ago Seba and Paris got him in trouble for trying to ride down the stream in a barrel during his cub days.

Eventually the first General showed up.

"Ah, Sire Ver Leth! You're finally back! Never thought I'd see the day you took a leave of absence!" Said Yebba jovially when he saw Mika. Yebba didn't mean to be rude at all, but Mika rolled his eyes unpleasantly.

"Wow, yes. Thank you so much for calling attention to it." Mika snapped at the well-intentioned General.

"Easy." Arrow murmured gently with a sideways glance at Mika. Mika could've punched him. He was lucky Paris was sitting between them or Mika would've been very tempted. Yebba frowned deeply and turned red. He muttered an apology which Mika did not acknowledge.

The meeting began. Mika tried to stay present, be attentive, offer something even slightly useful but all he could see was Kurda standing there alone admitting he'd sold his soul to the devil because of a doomsday prophecy. It seemed like a thousand years ago, yet simultaneously also felt like it just happened yesterday.

They droned on and on and their voices began to sound foreign, warped as though speaking in slow motion as Mika retreated further and further into his own mind. It was as close as he could get to escaping this godsforsaken room without physically leaving it. But Paris's firm voice suddenly snapped him back to reality.

"Mika?" Paris was saying, looking over at him with an expectant expression.

"Sorry, what?"

"Do you recall any of the locations Kurda used to visit when he took his... erm, business trips?" Paris asked gently. "Perhaps that will help narrow things down for us. It would be useful to know where our troops should start."

Really, Paris? I've been back for five fucking minutes and you're sending me on a trip down memory lane?

"He didn't disclose the logistics of his dealings to me." Mika replied coolly. "As far as I'm aware, he went to Ireland several times. Russia once. And France twice. But there's no way of knowing how true that was. I apologize I can't be more useful than that."

Paris looked disappointed.

"It's alright." Said Arrow patiently. "He fooled all of us. Not your fault."

"You don't need to patronize me." Mika shot back. "I know I should've asked more questions."

"Not even remotely what I was getting at." Arrow replied drily. "Yebba, how are your trainees progressing?"

There then followed an hour-long discussion on how Yebba wasn't entirely convinced his trainees were ready for anything of this level, and then another about whether it would be worth waiting to send them out after they'd had more time to prepare for the war. Another hour and a compromise was finally reached: they'd have six extra months to prepare. It probably wouldn't be enough, but it was the most time they could afford given the circumstances. With that, Yebba went on his way to inform them.

Hour four: New meeting, different General, same topic. This song and dance was already getting old. Most vampires were eager to get out of the mountain and get the war started. But many Generals expressed they would be hesitant to go spill unnecessary blood this early in the war, while reaffirming they would gladly do whatever the Princes thought was best. But it was evident the Princes had no earthly clue what was best.

Arrow seemed to have a lot of faith in the vampiric troops. His opinion was essentially, fuck it. Let's do this. Full send. They can't learn real war skills in this mountain, so why waste time?

Paris leaned more in the other direction. He didn't want to be responsible for unnecessary deaths, no matter how eager the troops were. In a different circumstance he would've admired their courage but they had no way of knowing how long the war would drag out. Paris felt the clan should make a point of pacing themselves.

Darren, being like twelve years old or something, didn't know fuck all about any of this. Larten however felt the clan should be to take action as soon as possible. However his views also aligned with Paris in that he felt they should avoid actual combat unless necessary and should prioritize reconnaissance.

They went around in circles once again. If you're keeping track, this brings us up to hour five.

"Mika, you're being awfully quiet. What do you think?" Paris murmured during a lull in conversation.

"I think you're all saying a lot of words." Mika replied flatly. Paris sighed.

"Yes... there's a lot to discuss." Said Paris with poorly disguised exasperation. "Surely you of all people have your own idea of the best way to proceed? I've never known you not to have an opinion about anything."

"There's no 'best way'." Said Mika with an irritable shrug. "We have very limited information, so prioritize recon I guess? But then again, the vampaneze will all know what happened by now so they'll be preparing their defences as we speak. So we can't really afford to wait. But don't forget we have absolutely no fucking idea how long this is going to last so sending our best men to die in the first month won't get us very far in the long run. None of these plans are ideal. No matter what we do, vampires will die. So pick your poison because in all likelihood we're fucked regardless. But for the love of the gods just PICK one, because if you plan on having this same conversation with every General in this place I can think of just about anything I'd rather be doing than listening to another minute of this." He concluded with an ice-cold bite to his voice, glaring around the room at the other Princes, at Larten and Seba, and at the very concerned looking General that stood in front of them.

Now Mika was angry again. At what, or who? He didn't know and didn't care. All he knew was he needed an outlet and he wouldn't have complained if one was to present itself.

But the problem with being a Vampire Prince is that people don't exactly line up to put you in your place. That left the other Princes. But Paris and Arrow clearly knew this was not the time. And Darren, despite his recent ascension in the ranks, obviously didn't yet see his fellow Princes as equals, but rather superiors. That would come with time, but today wasn't the day.

"Get out, Mika." Said Paris much too calmly.

"And do what?" Mika snapped.

"I don't particularly give a fuck what you do for the rest of the day. As long as you do it somewhere else." Paris replied icily. Arrow, Larten, Darren, and Seba assumed comically identical expressions of shock. Paris Skyle was not known to utilize cuss words often, if at all.

Mika smiled around at the four of them, but there was nothing friendly or pleasant about it.

"This was fun. Let's do it again tomorrow, shall we?" He told them sardonically, rolling his eyes as he stood up from his throne and quickly walked out of the room without a backwards glance.

They told me all of my cages were mental
So I got wasted like all my potential
And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad
I have a lot of regrets about that
I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere
Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here
Pourin' out my heart to a stranger
But I didn't pour the whiskey

As much as Mika didn't want to be in the Hall of Princes, he also didn't relish the idea of going back to the daily activities he'd partaken in during the past week which were mostly lying on Arrow's couch, drinking heavily, trying to read the meeting notes Arrow and Paris recorded to keep him in the loop, crying, thinking about Kurda, attempting some paperwork to take his mind off it, giving up ten minutes later, crying some more, and inevitably ending back up on Arrow's couch and waiting for sleep to put him out of his misery for a few hours.

He made his way back to the hallway where the Princes' cells were. Since he was already in a terrible mood, he might as well start the slow process of getting his own room cleaned up so he could inhabit it again. He hadn't even opened the door since the night he'd broken down on the floor in a pile of broken glass, splintered wood, spilled whiskey, and his own blood. Arrow had slipped in and out a couple times to grab him spare clothes and such, but otherwise the room remained untouched. An ugly monument to the ugliest, most vulnerable moment of Mika' life. As much as he'd drank that night, he wished he'd had more. Maybe then he wouldn't have remembered any of it.

He stopped at his door and took a few deep breaths before gripping the handle and pushing it open.

Somehow it was so much worse than he remembered. He knew he shouldn't have left it this long, he knew there'd been blood everywhere. He could've ordered anyone else to clean it up and it would've been spotless again in an hour but that would mean some random staff member bearing witness to the full extent of his depravity. Fuck that. He had a reputation to uphold. And he hadn't done himself any favours during the meeting he'd just been expelled from. He couldn't afford any other slip-ups.

He took a step into the room and looked around. The overpowering scent of whiskey and blood hit him like a freight train and it all came rushing back. All of the shock, panic, grief, and pure rage had cooled to a dull ache over the past seven days but suddenly it was all fresh again. Just like the moment he walked back into the Hall of Princes several hours prior.

Fucking excellent. Not like I need to use either of those rooms for anything ever, he thought to himself with bitter sarcasm. He turned around and walked out of his cell as quickly as he'd arrived. He'd have to face the mess eventually but today was not the day.

But there was one sanctuary left. One place that hadn't been entirely tarnished by the past. Mika began to head in the direction of the sporting halls. Of course those halls still held plenty of memories of Kurda, but for some reason Mika was able to separate them from the rest. If there was any corner of this place where he'd be able to clear his head, that was it.

The Hall of Baker Wrent was mostly empty when he reached it, but there was one vampire in the corner holding a staff and squaring off with a practice dummy. It was Vanez. Mika approached him.

"Hey, Vanez. Good to see you -" Mika began, but Vanez whipped around sharply, staff raised defensively. He swung it wildly and would've taken Mika's teeth out had he not been several feet off target.

"Fuck, sorry." Said Mika quickly, realizing it had been inconsiderate not to announce his arrival to the newly blinded man. "It's Mika. Didn't mean to startle you."

Vanez groaned and lowered his staff.

"No, Sire. I am sorry." He sighed woefully. "I should have heard you coming. I was distracted. I didn't hit you, did I?"

"No, but you were close." Said Mika politely.

Vanez frowned.

"How close?"

"Uh... just a foot or so. You almost had me." Mika replied, trying to sound slightly encouraging.

"Don't patronize me." Vanez growled, sounding suddenly frustrated. "I know I was way off."

"You were way off." Mika admitted ruefully, not missing the fact that Vanez had just repeated almost verbatim what Mika had snapped at Arrow just several hours ago.

Vanez groaned again, sounding more defeated than before.

"I know every inch of this room. All of this should be second nature, eyes or no eyes." The blind games master muttered unhappily. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Why don't you sit down?" Mika suggested lightly." Vanez looked very pale.

"I would love to, if I knew where the damn bench was. One of Seba's men moved everything around yesterday." Vanez grunted. "Took me an hour just to find this dummy."

"Why didn't you ask for help?" Mika asked.

Vanez let out a humourless laugh.

"Would you have?"

"Probably not." Mika sighed. "The bench is right over here. Come on."

He gently put his hand on Vanez's shoulder and steered him over to the long wooden bench on the wall and they sat down side-by-side.

"Have you been in here all day?" Mika asked casually.

"Eight hours and counting." Vanez grunted. "I'll leave when I feel like I've accomplished something."

"That's pretty open-ended" Said Mika. "One could argue you accomplished something just by getting from your coffin to this room."

"If that's an accomplishment you might as well throw me out in the snow. Because if I can't even meet my targets on a practice dummy consistently, I'm no good to any of you." Vanez grumbled.

"That's a little melodramatic." Mika replied conversationally.

"You're not one to talk." Vanez huffed, then added, "Sire."

"I suppose. But since when does Vanez Blane miss a target?" Mika asked pointedly. "I know you've done all of this blindfolded before. You even made Arrow and I do it when you trained us."

"Since when does Mika Ver Leth sit out a war strategy meeting?" Vanez shot back quickly.

"Touché." Mika grunted. "I got booted. Paris told me to get out and that he didn't care where I went after that."

"He what? Surely he didn't mean it!"

"He meant it. He said fuck."

"Oh. Wow."

"To be fair, I was being unpleasant." Mika said frankly.

"You? Never." Vanez smirked.

"It was my first day back on duty since... last week."

"Ahhh. I understand."

Mika gave Vanez an abridged summary of the five hours of meetings that had taken place earlier.

"We've never faced anything like this." Vanez sighed. "Of course there's no clear-cut solution. We just have to do the best we can and take it as it comes."

"No one will say it, but I feel like they all think I should've seen the signs everyone else missed. Like they're surprised that I didn't know any more about it than they do. Like somehow I'm the one who's supposed to know where to go from here. Because of Kurda." Mika sighed bitterly, taken aback by his own honesty. Maybe it was because Vanez could no longer see the expression on his face.

"They don't think that, Mika." Said Vanez softly after a long pause. "Not even a little bit. You were gone for a whole week, but I spent hours in that room. I may not be able to see, but I didn't have to. Paris and Arrow were so worried about you. I could hear it in their voice. I could feel it in their energy. This mountain isn't whole without you. And not a single vampire in this clan blames you. You're above all of it."

"Are you sure about that?" Mika asked skeptically.

"All the times I stood in that hall talking to Paris and Arrow, it was as if they was only half-there. They kept looking over their shoulders at the door like they were waiting for you to walk in." Said Vanez gently.

Mika paused. A thought occurred to him.

"Vanez, don't take this the wrong way but how did you know they were looking over their shoulders?"

Vanez looked surprised, as though he hadn't thought of that.

"I... don't know how I knew. I just sensed it. I can't explain it." He replied slowly. "But I'm not making it up, I swear. I must sound crazy to you."

"No. Not at all." Said Mika firmly. "You just proved my point. You don't need your eyes. You have everything you need to get back to doing what you do best."

"I'm fucking blind!" Vanez groaned, throwing his hands in the air. "So what if I can read a couple of people I've known for centuries? That doesn't mean I'll ever be of use to the clan again!"

Mika didn't say anything for a minute.

"I think I know what your problem is. And it's not your loss of vision." He told Vanez at last. "You're just overthinking it. You know how to do all of this, and you do it better than anyone. This is your thing, Vanez. So... just do it. Don't get caught up thinking about how it used to be, or worrying about if it'll ever be the same again. Just do it."

"And if I can't?" Vanez grunted. Mika rolled his eyes but stood up, picked up Vanez's discarded staff, and gently eased it into the blind man's hands.

"You will. Now take this, I want to try a few things." Said Mika firmly. Vanez groaned again.

"Surely you have better things to do, Mika. We're about to go to war. The clan is in chaos. You don't need to hold my hand. I'm sorry for going on such a rant with everything else that's happening. I'm fine, really."

Mika smirked and shrugged, even though Vanez couldn't see it.

"I'm banned from the Hall of Princes until I fix my attitude, remember? I have nothing better to do than kick a blind man's ass. Let's go!"

Vanez wasn't sure at first. He knew Mika very well, but he was still apprehensive about the likely prospect of making a fool of himself in the company of a Prince.

One hour was all it took. One hour of low-pressure sparring that started off gently enough; he got the impression Mika was assessing him. Until it escalated to the point where they were both moving at nearly full speed. Mika kept Vanez just distracted enough so that he couldn't think too hard, but not so distracted that he couldn't track Mika's movements with his remaining senses. He had to rely purely on instinct. And as soon as he let his guard down and trusted himself... Mika had been absolutely right.

It was still difficult, of course. Fighting blind was one of the hardest things Vanez had ever done. But he was doing it. For the first time in a week he didn't feel like a stranger in his own body. They went back and forth, swinging their staffs, jabbing, blocking, and dodging each other.

Then Vanez heard Mika step to the left, and prepared to block the shot he knew was coming. But in that millisecond he registered that something felt off. He didn't have time to think about it. Instinct took over and he swung fiercely to the right instead.

Then he felt his staff connect with something solid, probably a skull, and heard a loud crack.

"Ouch!" Mika yelped sharply. Vanez dropped his staff in alarm.

"Sire! I'm so sorry!" He moaned. "I didn't mean -"

"No! Don't apologize!" Mika cut him off, sounding elated. Much to Vanez's surprise. "You did it! Fuck, Vanez, that was incredible! I took a trick shot to see what you'd do. I was going slow so I wouldn't hurt you if you didn't pick up on it. But you saw it coming! Or sensed it. Whatever."

Vanez began to smile. He heard Mika approach but wasn't expecting to be pulled into a tight, rough hug.

"Thank you..." Vanez croaked out.

"You trained me first, remember? You made me what I am. It was the least I could do." Mika replied seriously. "But all I did was tell you to get out of your own head. The rest was all you."

"I don't know what Sire Skyle was talking about." Said Vanez gruffly as they broke apart and sat back down on the bench to take a rest. "Your attitude seems fine to me."

"You're not the only one who feels at home in this room." Mika replied matter-of-factly.

Vanez didn't speak for several moments.

"Well, I'm also not the only one getting stuck in my own head." Said the Games Master eventually. "Take your own advice, Mika. Don't overthink it. Get back in there and do what you do better than anyone. It will never be as it was before; that's the reality we're facing. We lost a lot last week, there's no denying it. We're all hurting in different ways. But we're still here. We have to make that mean something."

"You're right." Said Mika quietly. "Are you hungry?"

Mika figured when he eventually returned to the Hall of Khledon Lurt it would be with Arrow. But he had a nice meal with Vanez nonetheless, despite the fact that they were quickly flocked by a crowd of well-meaning vampires who were happy to see that Mika had returned and equally thrilled to hear about Vanez's progress in the gaming halls. Mika was only too happy to share Vanez's recent triumph - after all, it took the attention off himself.

An hour or so passed and Mika knew what he had to do next. He wasn't looking forwards to it, but he had to get back to the Hall of Princes eventually. So he said goodnight to Vanez and left him in the company of his friends.

Vanez was right, he had to take his own advice. It was time to go do what he did best. It would never be the same again. It would probably always hurt a little bit. But he was still here.

I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying

At least I'm trying

And it's hard to be at a party
When I feel like an open wound
It's hard to be anywhere these days
When all I want is you
You're a flashback in a film reel
On the one screen in my town

He dreaded the moment he walked back into that room but he didn't hesitate like he had earlier. He expected glares from Paris and Arrow, maybe even mutters from the others. But to his overwhelming relief, hardly anyone reacted as he walked in. There were a few Generals hanging around but it seemed most of the day's business had concluded. Paris, Arrow, and Darren were still in their thrones. Seba and Larten were still hovering dutifully around Darren like a doting father-grandfather duo. Harkat had appeared and was also at Darren's side; he played the role of the sidekick marvellously.

The bunch of them looked so at ease, it was hard to believe they were about to launch headlong into a war for the very future of the clan. But their contentedness did not ignite hostility in Mika as it had earlier. Maybe the hours in the sporting hall had been just as good for Mika as it had been for Vanez, or maybe he was just too tired to be angry anymore. But as he took his second trip of the day up to the throne platform, he finally felt the faintest semblance of acceptance.

"Hey, Mika." Said Arrow nonchalantly as though Mika had simply returned from a momentary absence. Mika appreciated the lack of fuss more than he could possibly express.

Paris didn't say anything, but he raised his eyebrows at Mika as if to say, "you good?" Mika gave him a barely perceptible nod in return, and Paris smiled quickly.

"Hi, Sire Ver Leth!" Darren piped up amicably.

"You don't have to call anyone Sire anymore." Mika replied, albeit gently as he settled back into his throne. "How was your first week, Darren? I forgot to ask you earlier."

"It was really busy. But I learned a lot!" Said Darren earnestly. "It's better than the alternative."

"You're right about that." Mika agreed. "How about you, Larten? Thought you would've dragged a kitchen chair up here by now and made yourself at home."

Arrow and Seba let out roars of laughter as Larten blushed.

"I told him he should sit in your throne, Mika!" Seba snickered. "It would have made for the entertainment of the decade for the rest of us, had you caught him in the act!"

"Undoubtedly." Said Mika with a crisp smile. "I would've carried him outside and stuck him headfirst in a snow drift. At the very least."

Darren chortled at that. Larten glared.

"You know I would never sit in your throne." Larten huffed. "I know better."

"Never hurts to reiterate." Mika shrugged.

The group sat comfortably for almost an hour, making jokes and friendly small talk. It was a moment of reprieve during a strenuous time. The atmosphere was peaceful, almost deliberately so. As if everyone had accepted the fact that they'd need moments like these if they had any hope of maintaining their sanity in the coming years. It was like the last night Mika had sat in here, except this time he wasn't drinking heavily and retreating into the darkest corners of his own mind. He was present now. He felt like he could breathe again. It still hurt, gods it hurt so much. But the fact that he was sitting up here and not thinking about either dying or resigning... that was a victory. A new kind of victory for him, but a victory all the same.

"I'm going to bed." Said Arrow during a lull in conversation. "I've been up for 24 hours."

"Sleep well." Said Mika casually as Arrow got up. "You can go too, Paris. I'll guard the hall tonight. Darren, you can stay up with me if you want. Or you can go get some sleep if you need it. Whatever you want."

"I haven't been up that long. I can stay!" Said Darren determinedly.

"See you all tomorrow then!" Said Arrow with a weary smile, waving at them as he descended the steps from the platform.

"Want to play a game?" Mika asked Darren in an undertone.

"Uh... sure?" Darren replied, looking rather confused.

"Okay." Said Mika seriously. "When I say 'now', touch that panel on your right arm rest. Got it?"

"Yeah."

They watched Arrow walk down the aisle towards the doors. The tattooed Prince went to the panel on the wall beside the doors and pressed his palm against it. The doors slid open smoothly.

"Now." Said Mika.

Darren looked confused and a little concerned but he did as he was told. He touched his panel and the doors shut again - right in Arrow's face.

They watched Arrow pause, and touch the door panel again to re-open the doors.

"Again." Said Mika with a faint smirk. Darren was smiling now too. He placed his hand back on his panel to close the doors before Arrow could get through them. This went back and forth several more times, until Arrow spun around sharply to glare back up at them and flash them a rude hand gesture. Mika wiped all traces of amusement from his face and pointed at Darren. Darren's face paled at Arrow's livid expression, but only for a moment. Arrow's face split into a wide grin. He threw his head back and laughed loudly. Darren smiled back impishly and touched the panel one last time to open the doors for him.

"Only the first week and you're already teaching him your old tricks!" Arrow hollered across the room at Mika with a gleam in his eye. "You're not going to like the one I teach him tomorrow!"

"It better not be the spiders on the throne routine!" Mika snapped back, but there was a sly grin on his lips as well.

Arrow laughed again, and exited the room with a final wave.

"Thanks, Sire Ver Leth." Said Darren sheepishly. "That was fun."

Mika raised an eyebrow at his young colleague.

"Don't mention it. Just because you have a big job doesn't mean it has to be doom and gloom all the time. Life's too long for that." He told Darren frankly. "You'll go insane sitting up here if you don't let yourself breathe every now and then. Trust me. And for the last time, stop calling me Sire. Don't make it weird."

Darren laughed again, and looked up at Mika as though seeing him for the first time.

"Fine. Thanks... Mika."

And I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying (maybe I don't quite know what to say)
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying

At least I'm trying

He did it! He went back to work! I'm so proud of him!

Hope the Vanez fans enjoyed that. I've never written that much Vanez before.

Please leave a note if you have time. I'd appreciate it :)

Love!

- Roxy