Eric

Initiation, stage two; fears. My brother wasn't able to test me so I had the cruel Dauntless leader; Eric. I had 10 fears, 6 more than my brother. Each day was going to be a different fear for everyone. We wouldn't face all of our fears until stage 3 of initiation.

My first fear was spiders, crawling all over me as I lay there helpless and still, I was able to get out of that fear soon enough though. I left the room and Eric that day only slightly out of breath.

The dark and drowning were actually together I was drowning in the dark and at this time I had no idea which one I was more afraid of. But I got out of there by letting the water engulf me and fill up my lungs.

Fears 4 and 5 being burnt alive while people judged me had me shaking as the flame licked at my ankles, I could hear people yelling profanities at me as the flames rose on my body, I tried to calm my racing heart and listen in to the words being yelled out to me but I couldn't hear any of it I just mumbling I just knew they weren't very nice this being said. That day Eric had laid a hand on my forearm as I came out of the sim, he almost looked like he cared for a slipt second before he realised I was out of the sim and his stone cold exterior was plastered on his face.

My next two fears were clowns and losing Tobias. Clowns obviously wasn't too bad but as my heartrate was slowing down one of the clowns dragged my brother over to me, his wrist and ankles bound and a gag in his mouth, he also looked unconscious as they held a gun to his temple. I watched as he lifted his head his eyes holding in all of the pain that our past had caused as he mouthed run to me, I watched as the safety was taken off the gun and the trigger pulled. I screamed and fell to my knees as the sim ended and I felt myself fall out of the metal seat to the ground, I didn't look up at Eric as my eyes continued to leak and show my weakness in front of the cruel dauntless leader. What would he think of me now, I had excelled in the first stage of initiation I was no longer a weak abnegation, I was dauntless but now as I balled myself up on the floor in the simulation room I felt weak again. I knew Eric was looking down at me but I could care less as I picked myself up off the ground and lunged out of the room and rushed into the pit frantically looking for my brother. I saw him from afar talking to the man he had introduced me to as Zeke once before, and I launched myself at his back as tears cascaded down my cheeks.

After my little outburst in the pit the day before I couldn't even look at Eric when I entered the simulation room the day after. I had been weak and I hated knowing he had been there to witness it. I held myself up and my body strong, my eyes cold and unmoving as he watched me walk to the seat in the middle of the room and readied the serum before placing a hand on one side of my neck and the tip of the syringe on the other.

"This last lot of fears is going to be even worse than yesterdays, stay strong Amaya," he plunged the syringe into my neck before he finished his sentence and my eyes closed bringing on my last lot of fears.

My eyes opened and Marcus leered above me, "You will never leave me ever again." He snarled as he started to undo his belt before pulling it out of the loopholes. He flung it and it stung my cheek before he laid it down and started to undo his pants. He used me like he used to causing harm to my small body as his fingers dug into my olive flesh as he thrust in and out of my tiny body. The fear then changed slightly as he raised the belt over his head and brought it down over my back again, again and again before switching once more where Marcus took bids from random men before the highest bidder grabbed my face and lead me into the back room to have his way with me. I couldn't slow my heart rate and I couldn't fight back my hands had been tied behind my back and my ankles had been tied to the base of the bed. I was weak I was helpless and I couldn't do anything about it. I closed my eyes as I tried again to steady my heart and this time managed to calm it down enough to be brought out of the simulation. I looked over to where Eric was sitting as I tried to catch my breath. My hands trembled and as Eric started to move closer to me I shrunk away from him and his touch. I knew Marcus shouldn't have this effect on me but I also knew that everything he had done to me once Tobias left would stay with me for the rest of my life. Usually I was pretty good at hiding everything that Marcus had done but when being faced with it once again I couldn't do it. Eric placed his hand on my forearm once again I flinched and I saw something flash behind his eyes before he took his arm off me and disconnected the leads from my forehead. I took one last big breath before I bolted out of the simulation room not looking back at Eric as I made my way to the initiate dorm room. I sat down on my hard plastic bed and sobbed until dinner time.

I made it my mission to find my brother before sitting down as close to him as possible. His arm automatically wound its way around my waist as he continued to eat. He pushes his plate over to me slightly and I pick up his hamburger taking a bite. It was silent between us for a moment.

"Are you still afraid of Marcus?" he nods as he takes his hamburger from me and takes another bite himself. I shrink into his a bit more as Eric makes his way over to us. He stands directly in front of both of us but keeps his eyes on me the whole time. I plead with my eyes for Eric not to say anything to my brother about what had happened in my last fear landscape. Tobias didn't need to know the full extent of what happened once he left.

Eric takes a seat in front of us and starts to quietly eat his own meal. "How are you holding up after your last fearscape?"

"She's fine," I feel Tobias tense beside me, I look up and notice that his jaw is clenched and he is staring directly at Eric with a look that could kill. I straighten up slightly but still close to my brother, trying to show Eric that I wasn't afraid that what he saw in my fearscape was nothing and that it didn't need to be brought up again.

"I wasn't asking you Four! I was asking Amaya." Eric's hands are balled into fists on the table before he slams them down making me flinch.

"I'm Fine Eric." I tell him as I stand up from the table and he gives me a short unrecognisable nod. I turned around to leave as Tobias squeezes my hand before he drops it. I wandered around the pit for a while contemplating getting a tattoo before I found myself standing out the front of the tattoo parlour I talked myself into walking in and then spent the next 10 minutes looking at designs and thinking about the placement that I wanted. I decided on an artsy intricate design on my forearm. I didn't have a meaning I just felt drawn to the tattoo and the placement seemed right.

"What are you getting?" I whipped around to face the voice only to find Eric standing by the open door to the parlour, I point to the one above my head as he takes long thoughtful strides through the parlour to get to me, I don't know how I knew he had been talking to me. I could have been the fact I could feel his eyes in the back of my head before I had even turned around but I'm glad that he had actually been talking to me and not someone else. He pulled the design down off the wall and inspected it before looking up at me with a questioning look in his eyes. "Where are you getting it?" he questions again.

"On my forearm just here." I point to the place on my right arm where I want it. He nods and takes a hold of my wrist gently and dragging me towards the back where an older guy covered head to toe in tattoos greets Eric.

"Hello Eric! Back for more on your back so soon? I thought another 2 weeks was what we had discussed." He asks Eric as he starts to set up his station. Eric shakes his head and starts waving his hand around.

"No, today I'm here with her," he pointed to me.

"Abnegation I see." He says as he gets up from the chair he was seated in and comes to inspect me in a way. I find myself shrinking away from his gaze slightly, unsure of this man, and find myself closer to Eric than I thought I had been. His grip on me wrist seemed to become slightly comforting.

"Adam, she'd like this one please. On her right forearm." Eric could sense that this Adam guy's gaze had scared me slightly, and because he had seen my fearscape he could understand why I had moved away. Adam took the slide away from Eric and back over to his station where he started to get the ink and gun ready. All up it took him about 3 hours to get the design just perfect on my skin. He cleaned me up and instructed me on the proper way to care for it before letting us go. Eric had stayed with me the whole time looking somewhat bored but still never leaving my side. Eric and I made our way out of the parlour and towards the initiate dorms in silence. Before we rounded the last corner Eric grabbed my wrist yet again making me stop as he looked into my eyes. I looked up at him slightly due to the height difference but watched emotion after emotion fly behind his steel blue eyes.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright after your last fear."

"What do you mean?" I asked him as my face scrunched up in feigned confusion.

"Marcus? Why is he one of your fears and what was with the bidding e was doing? The screen went black shortly after numbers started to fly out of his mouth." He said taking a small step forward as I took one large one back away from him. I didn't want him to know any of it, and here he was asking the questions that I didn't want to answer. He saw what Marcus had done to me himself but didn't see what he let others do to me whenever he pleased.

"It was nothing, just something we used to do that had scared me as a child." I told him as my hands balled into fists thinking about the first time he allowed his friends to 'buy' me for the night. Then the first time he had touched me flashed in my mind and I involuntarily shivered.

"That's bullshit and you know it! But I'll let you get some sleep. You've got a week off before stage 3 starts, use it wisely." He told me giving my wrist one last squeeze and making his way back in the direction of the pit. I make my way over to my bed and collapse after the big day I've had.

I am awoken by a loud banging like metal on metal. I roll over and cover my face with my pillow. I felt warm breath on the back of my neck making the little hairs there stand up.

"GET UP INITIATE!" I flinched away from the voice and almost fell out of my bed. Eric stood above my bed a stupid little smirk plastered on his stupid perfect face. I saw his eyes flick over my body and I quickly covered my body with my sheet as I shot him a glare before he walked away.

"Everyone in the pit in 5!" he yelled as he walked out the door. I was the first in the pit once I had changed and nearly raced down there. I found Tobias and Eric standing by a board and as I walked up to my brother to wrap him in a tight hug I could feel Eric's eyes watching me while I walked over. The other initiates started to gather and Tobias and I jumped apart before Eric started speaking.

"Rankings are up. Bottom 10 get your stuff and get out, your cut." He pulled the sheet off the board behind him.

1. Chris

2. Jasmine

3. Amaya

4. Jai

5. Emily

6. Andrew

7. Jeremy

8. Teaghan

9. Caleb

10. Josh

11. Shaun

12. Alex

13. Theo

14. Damon

15. Dana

16. Bella

17. Lindsey

18. Jeff

19. Mollie

20. Alyssa

The next 10 months went really quickly I ended up ranking first in my class and was offered a leadership job next to Eric, he was seriously pissed off that he had to train me but he got over it and now I would even go as far as saying we are friends, or at least verging on friendship. I loved my new apartment. I was on the fourth floor of the compound where the rest of the leaders had their homes. I was overseeing training for the new initiates that come in tomorrow, I would be watching over my brother as Eric watched over me to make sure that I was doing my job right. I so wasn't looking forward to seeing the girls sneak out of Eric's apartment in the early mornings but what can you do when you live on the same floor. He had started to sleep around about 6 months ago after he had a meeting with Jeanine. I just couldn't shake the feeling that he was just trying to keep up his reputation. It had started to become disturbing watching him with a new girl wrapped around him every day.

I heard a knock at my door. I closed my book and padded over, in my fuzzy bed socks, to open my front door.

"Hey are you ready for tomorrow?" Four asked me walking in and making himself comfortable on my sofa.

"Hello to you too." I said sarcastically as I close my door and make my way into the kitchen to put the kettle on to make coffee.

"Looking forward to scaring the shit out of some initiates with me today?" he asks as I grab two mugs from the cupboard and start to add the coffee and sugar.

"Hell yes I am, not so sure how I feel about Eric overseeing me though." I told him as I poured the water for the coffees and brought them over to the sofa where he had his feet on my coffee table. I kicked his foot off and handed him the mug of hot liquid.

"Do you still have that thing for him that you had back when you were an initiate?" I didn't look up at him as the images of all the girls sneaking out of Eric's apartment raced through my mind.

"No, I don't." I told him as I clenched my jaw and took a sip of my coffee.

"Okay," he stretched out the word almost like he didn't believe me, "Get a goodnights sleep, I'll be here at 8 an hour before they arrive." He got up put his mug in the kitchen and gave me a kiss on my head as he made his way out of my apartment. I went to close my door when a few doors down I watched Eric's door open and close and a women in a tight fitting, short black dress exits with her shoes in her hand. I roll my eyes and slam my own door. I feel my façade slip and a tear makes its way down my cheek. I swore Eric wouldn't do this to me, I needed to keep my head up and not let him get to me. I switched off all of my lights and went to bed.