Author's Note: Short one.

The night is winding down, as is the sex. This is around 3 am.

Early January

Wanting What You Can't Have

Hotch woke with a start.

From both the anxiety of working the job that he did, and having a young child, he'd long ago become ingrained to wake up at the slightest noise. And as he became aware of his surroundings he realized that Emily had begun whimpering in her sleep.

He was also still lying on top of her.

So he pushed himself up, and when she immediately started to twitch, he ran the back of his hand down her cheek as he said softly, "Emily, wake up."

That's when her whimpers turned to cries that caused him physical pain to hear. His efforts to wake her became more insistent as he rubbed his hand up and down her arm, and spoke more loudly, "I need you to wake up right now, Emily! Come on sweetheart, open your eyes!"

Emily awoke with a gasp.

The carryover images from her nightmare still had her absolutely terrified, but then in the glow from the nightlight in the bathroom, she saw Hotch looking down at her with her concern. And as she let out a breath . . . that sigh of relief that she wasn't alone, that he was there with her . . . she bit her lip.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice crackling, "did I wake you up?"

God, this was embarrassing.

While he squeezed her hand, Hotch responded sympathetically. "You were having a nightmare. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she blinked and she started to sit up, so he shifted over a little further, "yeah, I'm okay."

For a second he just looked at her with pursed lips. Finally he asked the question.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

Emily's jaw twitched as she debated the question to herself . . . because she'd never told anyone her nightmares before. But it was clear how worried Hotch was, and she knew that he could be trusted not to say anything to anyone.

So she cleared her throat.

"It's that Montana case, that uh . . ." she swallowed hard, "the Pear of Anguish. I have nightmares about that sometimes."

Hotch's brow immediately wrinkled in concern as he tipped his head, "often?"

"No," she shook her head, "not often, just random. I haven't figured out the trigger. And you can wipe that worried look off of your face, because it's not having sex."

She let out a sigh then as she rolled slightly to put her head down on her pillow with her back to him. When she reached her arm over her shoulder, Hotch took her offered hand. Then she felt him shift to lie down and wrap himself around her from behind. She pressed a kiss to the back of his knuckles.

He pulled the blankets up over them.

Once they were settled again, he whispered in her ear. "You're sure it's not the sex? Because it does seem like it could be a trigger given the," his jaw twisted, "nature of the device."

Though Emily completely agreed with Hotch's assessment there, she'd already dismissed that trigger on a factual basis. So she shared those facts with Hotch as well.

"I agree," she murmured, "it does seem to be the obvious connection, but I haven't had sex in six months, and I've had the same God damn nightmare of being violated by that monstrosity, at least once a month since that case. So it's definitely not it," she squeezed his hand, "thanks for waking me up though."

Hotch had actually woken her before she got to the worst of it.

"Of course," Hotch murmured while pulling Emily's body more securely against him, and wrapping her up in his arms. An impulse had him then kissing her neck as he patted her stomach, wishing that he had the ability to always keep her safe from those demons.

They were both silent for a moment before he slowly exhaled.

"I haven't had sex in six months either," he added softly, "maybe that's why it's been so good. You have to wait. I've never waited that long."

Emily chuckled.

"I've waited for six months before, and trust me," she huffed, "on some of those occasions, it was barely worth it to break the fast."

Feeling his male ego get a little boost at that, Hotch began to lightly stroke his fingertips along the length of Emily's hip.

She had a gorgeous body. Truly gorgeous. Trim and muscular, but also curvy where women should have curves. Haley had a slimmer physique but that was just body type. Of course he knew it was wrong to compare the two of them, but given the situation he couldn't help it. Emily was the first woman he'd had sex with in TWENTY-THREE YEARS . . . and Christ was that a HUGE number . . . who wasn't Haley.

Involuntary comparisons were going happen.

And although part of him missed his now former wife, a lot of him hated her now too. Mostly though, he was just sad that his life couldn't be what it was before.

Back when he had a family and not just a son.

Yeah . . . he took a breath . . . it was really coming home every night to Jack that he missed the most. Initially he'd missed seeing Haley too, but leaving the way she did had really pissed him off. That anger never actually faded, but his affection for her definitely had. They had just continued to fight so much even after he was out of the house, that he'd started to see just how big their problems really were.

They were definitely not the same people that they'd been on their wedding day.

It was letting go of the hope of his family being whole again that had taken the longest. But now his marriage was over, officially, and he didn't know what was going to happen next. What he did know though, was that he wished very much that Emily wasn't completely off limits. He was snuggled up in a warm bed, with a smart, kind, beautiful, funny, woman who brought genuine happiness into his life. Who wouldn't want to be with a woman like that?

Who wouldn't want to be with her all the time?!

But the ink wasn't even dry yet on his divorce papers, so he knew that starting a new relationship right now would be ridiculous. Though whatever this indescribable thing between them was, it wasn't a proper relationship anyway.

At least not now.

And he didn't see how things could ever line up in a way that would give them a chance to try for more. Still, this special night wasn't over yet. So as he felt Emily rubbing her thumb over his wrist, he decided to tell her something that he never would have otherwise.

"Hey," he whispered in her ear, "do you want to hear something?"

Emily's eyes crinkled . . . wow, pillow talk from Hotch. She hadn't been expecting it. So with a soft smile at this new development, she snuggled back against him.

"Sure," then she laughed, "but if you're going to tell me that you once went to clown college, then maybe it would be better if you keep it to yourself. I don't think I'm ready for news like that," she snorted, "Sideshow Hotch."

After sliding his hand off of Emily's hip, and up to tweak her nipple, Hotch let out a dry, "are you done?" So with a giggle, she rolled over in his arms.

"Yes," she grinned at him, "sorry. What were you going to say?"

Hotch ran his fingers through her hair.

"That I remember meeting you at your mother's house," he whispered, "and thinking that you were the most beautiful girl that I'd ever seen."

Even as she felt the blush bloom across her face, Emily gave Hotch a beatific smile.

"Really?"

Yep, he was SO a keeper!

His eyes crinkled.

"Yeah," he nodded, "you had on a red dress, and your hair was different," he brushed a strand back from her cheek, "but you made quite the impression."

At first he hadn't been sure about telling her that memory, because he didn't want to do anything to make things stranger when they went back to their real lives tomorrow. But seeing now how happy he had made her, he was glad he'd said it.

"Thanks," she murmured, while leaning up to press a soft kiss to his mouth. Before she moved back, Hotch slid his tongue past her lips, running it along the roof of her mouth before pulling away with a smile. "You're welcome."

As Emily's eyes began to burn, she buried her face in his neck. She was trying to remember all of the reasons why them continuing to see each other was a bad idea.

She couldn't come up with one.

A/N 2: Again, short.

Seeing as in Girl I never really covered Hotch's real feelings about Haley at THIS stage in their marital breakup, I thought this was a good point to do so. And I thought that his 'mild hatred' of her was realistic. On the show it was clear that by the end he was just pissed off (the whole going off his rocker at the prison thing), and though this was a couple months earlier, he obviously didn't get to the 'beat a serial killer to death with my bare hands' level of rage, overnight.

The red dress story is also another point in the main 'verse that wouldn't have come up for a long time. If you've read that one all the way through you know he doesn't tell her that memory until The Hours.

One MAJOR plot point not mentioned at the very beginning.

JJ does NOT get pregnant at this time, in this universe. By canon (and her due date) she wouldn't have been pregnant the night Hotch got his divorce papers. And I just find it unlikely in the extreme that two women on the same small team, who are NOT in long term relationships, NOT having regular sex (JJ's seeing Will a couple times a month) and are NOT trying to get pregnant, would both have birth control malfunctions like three weeks apart. It would be different if they were settling down and trying to start families, but in their respective scenarios, it would just be ridiculous.