-Chapter 9: H Is For Renge Houshakuji, The Female Expert-

I was put on duty to say goodbye to the guests. Soon they left, leaving me to deal with the antics of the host club. Tugging off my wig and throwing it into a corner, I flopped face flat on the ground next to my designated couch. My glasses dug into my nose, but I paid them no mind. Behind me, Tamaki was trying to impress Haruhi. I picked up my head off from the ground, looking around the side of the couch leg.
"Tell me, have you fallen for me yet?"
"You wish," she rebuked, rolling her eyes.
"My romantic overtures do not seem to be reaching you for some reason. Perhaps I should add a little more panache to my character, huh?" He seemed to sparkle in the light.

Haruhi was looking at the club room doors, and I followed her eyes. There was a girl peeking around the corner. It looked like she was a student, but I had never seen her before. Then again, I didn't really pay attention to anyone outside of the club. She had strawberry blonde hair and a huge pink bow as well. She was staring intently, eyes bouncing over every one of us until finally landing on me. Everyone had noticed her by this point.
"Looks like the host club has a brand new guest, Kaoru," Hikaru said, smirking.
"Come on in. What are you waiting for?" He handed her a rose, watching as she jumped back..
Kaoru leaned on his brother and added, "Watching from afar is no fun," and also held out a rose.
I think they creeped her out by simultaneously saying, "Please miss?"
The fact that they can do such a thing still gives me the heeby-jeebies. As if they were of one mind. Somehow, Tamaki had sneaked past our vision and ended up behind the girl scolding the twins.

"Stop that! How many times do I have to tell you boys to be more courteous to our first-time guests?"
Despite the fact that she looked shocked at the chaos around her, not once did her eyes ever leave our dead-panned vice-president. Roses bloomed behind Tamaki as he turned to face the frightened girl.
"Please, you don't have to be afraid, my princess." He moved closer to the girl cupping her chin. "I welcome you to the Ouran Host Club."
"Ugh," I muttered, picking up my teacup .. He was just using his classic "Princely Charm" to try and woo another customer.
There was a pause as he waited for her reaction. She stared at him, before smacking on the face. I should not have taken that sip of tea.

"No! Don't touch me, you phony!" she screeched. Tamaki staggered back from the blow, clutching his face.
There were tears in his eyes. I kept howling with laughter as the girl continued berating him.
"What do you mean, I'm phony?"
She pointed a finger directly at his face. "Just what I said! You're phony!"
While my laughter stopped, my coughing started.
"I find it hard to believe that someone like you is the prince character of this host club!" I rolled my eyes at that statement.
"Isn't it obvious?" I started. "Tamaki is super princely even when he isn't hosting! You clearly need a new pair of eyes. As soon as you're welcomed into the host club, they have these prominent personalities that people can recognize and identify almost immediately."
Tamaki was being his overly dramatic self and stumbled back from her harsh words. She kept criticizing him, seemingly not hearing me.
"You shouldn't go spreading your love around so easily like that, you stupid!" An arrow hit Tamaki in the back.
"You must be a dim-witted narcissist!" Another arrow.
"You're incompetent!" Another.
"You're a commoner!" And another.
"You're disgusting!"
Although I didn't like her, she was funny. I don't think Tamaki had ever been called these things before. He looked like he was electrified to the bone with all the harassment this girl was laying on him. Tamaki screamed and I just raised my eyebrows, impressed that she could do such a thing. He fell to the ground, revealing the megane to the girl.

"I don't suppose you are..." the raven-haired boy started.
"It's, you-!"
I put my fingers into my ears, muffling the sound of her voice. I'm sorry. It was just too annoying for my taste. I walked off to my bag, rubbing at my eyes under my glasses and pulled out some work to do while the rest of the club dealt with her. At one point I raised my head hearing the twins and Tamaki shout, "Otaku? Otaku!" and run around the room. But I hid in the kitchen, away from the drama that was occurring outside. I rolled up my sleeves, and focused on washing the china from today's hosting hours.

- Another time skip because I can -

Hosting hours had ended, and Tamaki immediately called us all over for an emergency meeting. We gathered around two large couches, everyone taking a spot except myself. I was balancing myself on the arm of one of the couches, Kaoru on my left.
"I've thought about it a lot last night. And maybe having a lady manager isn't such a bad idea!"
Simultaneously, the twins asked, "Why do you say that?"
"Well it's fairly obvious, isn't it? Renge just transferred into the same class as Haruhi." We all stared as Tamaki played out his scenario. Picture it, Haruhi and Renge, sitting on a field at the school. Haruhi is wearing a female uniform.
Tamaki continued, "So if Haruhi has a girlfriend around, it'll bring out the female within her!"
I butted in, "Wait, are you are you saying that…..Haruhi is gay?" Haruhi blushed bright red.
Tamaki cried out, "No! I didn't mean that! Not at all! I meant a female friend!" I raised an eyebrow and kept judging him.
"Oh, so I'm not girly enough for Haruhi? What am I, chopped liver?" The twins snickered as Tamaki stuttered and tried to make a comeback. Even our megane smirked at my remark. I put one hand on my hip and frowned at Tamaki.
"To be fair Sasaki, you are rather boyish," Hikaru said. I reached behind Kaoru and punched him on top of his head and crossed my arms, pouting. Tamaki continued, wanting to finish his idea.
"Renge's air of girlishness might be able to stimulate Haruhi's own sense of femininity!" I choked a bit at that.
Haruhi's eyebrow twitched, seeing no sense whatsoever in Tamaki's idea. The brunette muttered under her breath.
"Now is our chance to have Haruhi get more in touch with her feminine side! This is an important project, men!"
"She doesn't have any other friends besides these two shady twins and Sasaki in her class! And even Sasaki isn't all that feminine!" I frowned and raised an eyebrow at that remark.

"He does have a point, Sasaki. You're not what most people would call feminine." The vice-president interjected.
He pushed up his glasses. Well no duh! I'm a guy! Of course I'm not going to be all that feminine!
"Yeah, you're more... like a goth person." Hikaru stated.
Ignoring them, I looked back and the dumb blond.
"Tamaki, aren't you being a little...hmm, what's the word... Sexist, again?" I asked innocently, putting a chin to my chin. He paled a bit at that and tucked his knees up to his chin, trying to become small. That put an evil smile on my face.

I heard the door open and turned to see Renge appear again. I rolled my eyes and sighed, preparing my eardrums to listen to her squeaky, loud voice.
"Hey everyone!" The rest of the hosts turned to face her.
"You'll be happy to know that your new manager Renge has baked all of you some cookies!"
Tamaki appeared by the doorway, crying, "Ahh! Isn't she so lady-like! I'm so moved by your generosity!" The blond flashed a pose.
Flatly, the new manager responded, "I didn't bake these cookies for you, you fake prince." Suddenly, Tamaki ended back up in a corner of woe.

Laughter bubbled out from inside of me at the whole scenario. Yes, I'm a bit of a narcissist when it came to the guy, but it was just so much hilarious seeing his mood swings. Renge skipped over to the Shadow King, presenting him with the cookies. She was sweet to him. What the heck did I tune out from yesterday? You could practically see hearts floating around her head as she tried giving the cookies to him. She was living in a fantasy. Renge thought our Shadow King was this perfect guy who was without fault. He was just "polite" and "kind" to those who benefited him. I turned to Haruhi, eyebrows raised in question. The girl looked back at me with a resigned expression, shaking her head.
Honey-senpai had managed to steal a cookie and bit into it.
"You know, these cookies really are burnt!"
Mori-senpai fretted over him, saying "Don't eat that Mitsukuni, it's bad for you!" The taller boy grabbed the cookie from the short blonde and threw it into the trash.
My eyes followed it's journey as it fell into the can and I dove after it, instincts kicking in. Free food? Of course! Just as it hit the rim of the can, I snatched it, popping the sweet treat into my mouth. The twins made a disgusted face as I munched on the remains of Honey-senpai's cookie.
"What?" I asked. Meanwhile, Renge had heard Mori-senpai's remark and she ran after them, her hair almost snake-like as she tried to grab a hold of them.

Haruhi stood next to me, sweat-dropping at what was happening. I finished munching on my cookie and sighed happily. They weren't half bad! It was different from cake, having never had a cookie before. They were cute and simple, sweet and crunchy. The chocolate tasted a little bitter, but the cookie itself was sweet, balancing it out. I liked it!
"Haruhi, do you think you can make me cookies like this?"
She smiled sweetly at me, enjoying my child-like reaction to the snack.
She bit into a cookie and munched on it, saying "Sure, I can make this. These are just chocolate chip cookies. They're not bad at all, they've got a pretty good texture."

Out of the corner of my eye I could see the twins getting an idea. The two pranksters sidled up to the cross-dresser, one on either side of her. Hikaru placed a cookie in her mouth, then bit a corner off. I began to see stars out of the corner of my vision.
"Uh oh, Haruhi. You've got crumbs on your face." Kaoru licked them off of her cheek.
I am pretty sure my gayness just shot up a notch. The room seemed to spin for a second as the three did this in front of me. I saw Tamaki all white, witnessing the performance as well.
He began freaking out as Shadow King coolly responded, "And suddenly the three classmates were closer than they had ever been before."

I felt my nose begin to run. Wiping it on a napkin, I saw a little stain of blood on it. I need more water. Or to just go blind and never watch the twins again. I watched the rest of Tamaki's over-reaction.

"EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU! EXCEPT FOR MY FIANCÉE, ALL OF YOUR CHARACTERS ARE LUKEWARM!" Renge shouted.
I was hurled back to reality, letting out a little huff of annoyance. There was nothing lukewarm about them at all! They all had amazing characters with flashy and different personalities. Standing beside the boy with glasses, I blinked a few times.
"Are you okay with all this? If it were up to me, I would've thrown her out a long time ago." The gray-eyed boy looked at me, then back at the screechy girl.
"Each of you needs to have some sort of 'dark' side, you understand? Girls are vulnerable to handsome young men who are troubled! If you keep carrying on like this it's only a matter of time before the girls get tired of you, and stop coming altogether! Are you trying to ruin my precious fiancée's business? As your manager it is my duty to change your character background" I slapped a hand to my face dragging it down.
"Let's start with you!" And one by one, she gave the hosts different personalities from their true selves.
Pointing to me last, she said "And you! You may act like a shy type, but you'll be the bad girl, rebel! But you're a tsundere! Your hair is already perfect for the role!" She had a wild grin on her face as she went into fangirl-land.
I contemplated her decision. It was a bit outrageous, but also... A little bit like the truth? I didn't open up to people easily. But my guests all knew I was just shy. I slowly began to back away, heading towards the storage cupboards.
"Nope. Nada. I'm not getting invo-" The back of my uniform collar was yanked backwards. I stumbled and almost fell as the iron grip remained there.
"Like hell you're not getting involved." The Shadow King seemed to emanate a purple aura. "If we go down, then we go down together."

This was SO MUCH BETTER. I'm glad I'm fixing all of these 3
Onnnn another note, sorry I haven't updated in ages! I promise, I'm just busy. My editors went AWOL and now I only have myself to peer review. I'm also swamped with homework and studying. :* )