Chapter 10 - Bad Santa (25 December 2011)

Tony glanced across the bullpen to where Ziva was finishing up her reports. She looked as though she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. He didn't blame her; she'd just been in a shoot-out with the mercenaries who were after their Marine and her newborn baby. She'd killed two in the time it took the little one to enter and take her first breaths in the world.

"You okay?" he sidled over to her desk to check on her.

"I am fine," she snapped. She realized that her tone was a bit bitchy and lowered her voice, "I am sorry, I should not have wrapped your head off. I have had a long day."

"Snapped, but no problem. We have all been through hell," he reached to tousle her hair, trying to elicit a smile from the Ninja. She half-heartedly swatted at his hand.

"I. AM. FINE."

He put his hand under her chin, "No, you are not. None of us are… tell me without lying that seeing that newborn didn't affect you …" He locked his gaze with hers.

Ziva sighed, she did not want to get into this at the moment, and especially with him. "I will be fine. I am tired, I have a headache, and I want to go home," she conceded, hoping he would get the message from her tone to drop the current subject.

Any further conversation was derailed by Gibbs striding from the break area with a large cup of coffee. "Go home; all of you. Get some rest," he barked at his agents before noticing that McGee was nowhere to be seen. He jerked his head towards the empty desk that appeared to be tidied for the holiday break.

"Left about an hour ago, Boss. Turned in his reports before he left," Tony jumped away from Ziva as soon as he heard the gruff voice of the team leader.

"Good. Ziva, go home. DiNozzo, are your reports on my desk?"

Tony ran to the printer and squared the stack of printed pages carefully placing them in a folder. He marched over to Gibbs's desk and placed the folder on the blotter with a resounding thwack. "There you go, Boss."

Gibbs waved a hand dismissively, "Then, GO, before I change my mind…"

Tony grabbed his bag and his keys and followed Ziva to the elevator. Neither spoke on the ride down to the parking garage, but their eyes never left the other's.

"Breakfast?" he offered when they stepped into the parking area.

"No, thank you. I am going home, Tony."

"Well, okay, then, get some rest," he watched as she opened the door to her Mini and climbed into the driver's seat. He shook his head to clear his thoughts; no need to try to get inside her head today. He had a Christmas brunch to attend with some of the guys from the gym; his unwind and leave the office at work pals.

At the pub hosting the brunch, he parked and noted that several of the cars in the lot belonged to the guys from the gym. Inside, the others spotted the senior field agent as he entered the dining area.

"Hey, DiNozzo, you made it," one called out from the food buffet.

"Why'd you go and get all dressed up?" another asked as he glanced over the suit, tie, and white shirt Tony had on.

"Just came off work," he replied with a grin. "And I'm famished!" He grabbed two plates and began filling them with pancakes, waffles, eggs, bacon, sausage links, fried diced potatoes, and assorted fruits. He put his plates at an empty place at the long table of friends, and filled a glass with orange juice and another with eggnog.

"Both are juiced up," one of the younger guys mentioned when Tony put his beverages on the table.

"Works for me," he dug into the food in front of him, half listening to the banter at the table. The thought crossed his mind that Ziva was probably at home alone. He startled when someone dropped a Santa hat on his head.

"You were a million miles away," a voice teased. "Let loose for once, Tony."

He turned to see one of his favorite waitresses grinning at him, "Merry Christmas, Krissy. Sorry, long night at work."

"Back at ya; I get to go home to my family after you guys are done," she headed to the kitchen with a trayful of empty plates.

Family… that's what was bothering in him about the case. Family that he didn't have, because he'd made the choice to put his priorities into his job. Maybe that was what was bothering Ziva as well. Her CIA boyfriend hadn't called, at least not as of the time they left NCIS. He could tell by her demeanor that things there might not be so good. The man had disappeared supposedly on assignment.

He chugged the vodka-laced orange juice and the rum-spiked eggnog as he swallowed the last bites of his food. He didn't really care that he might feel the effects of the alcohol; it might be just what he needed to stop the swirling thoughts in his head.

"Gotta go," he dropped a twenty and a ten on the table and wished the guys a happy holiday. He kept the Santa hat as he headed to his car. He started the engine intending to drive home and crash in the bed, but somehow wound up in the parking lot for Ziva's apartment. He pulled in next to her Mini in the second parking space for her unit. Empty second spot was either a good sign that she was home alone, or a bad sign that CI-Ray had appeared and whisked her off somewhere.

What the hell? He decided to check since he was already there. He walked up to Ziva's door and was about to knock when it opened startling both him and Ziva.

"Tony?" she gave him a look.

"Uh, oh, hi… Zee-vah… I was passing by and…" he realized that the Santa hat was still on his head when she stared above his eyes. "Like it? Got it at brunch a bit ago…"

"What are you doing here?" she held up a trash bag to take to the dumpster as he stepped to one side to let her pass. He followed her to the trash bin.

"I uh… I… I dunno… didn't want to be… alone…"

She turned to him, locking her eyes on his, "Are you okay, Tony?"

"I should be asking you that question," he deflected.

She narrowed her eyes, "I asked you first…"

He shrugged and followed her back to her apartment and then inside. "Honest answers only? I dunno…"

She sat on the sofa and patted the cushion next to her, indicating for him to sit. "Same."

He was taken aback by her clipped, but honest reply. "The case has me thinking… about family… about kids… about… you know…" He pantomimed juggling two balls, "Job and family. I chose job… but now… maybe…"

She nodded, carefully mulling her reply before speaking. "I know. But that seems increasingly further in the future at the moment. I thought…" she got lost in her thoughts; Ray had mentioned a family. Settling down and having the house with the white picket fence…

"Clocks are ticking, Ziva… at least you have a possibility in the cards…" it hurt to admit that CI-Ray was even remotely possible as part of Ziva's future, but he would never let her see it. He wanted her to be happy. "I'm scared that I am turning into Gibbs; you know, married to the job." He trailed off into his thoughts and stared at her carpet. He turned to ask her something and she was softly snoring on the throw pillow on the arm of the couch.

He stood up and placed the Santa hat on her curls; a soft kiss on the top of her head. "Merry Christmas, Ziva," he whispered as he quietly exited the apartment. Perhaps Gibbs would have the answers he sought…

A/N I do not like the Ray Cruz arc; he used Ziva as so many men in her life had. I generally don't write about the others in canon (Jeanne, Ray, EJ, etc.) however, this just came out when I started to write a Christmas story about the years at NCIS. A bit angsty... for that I apologize.