Author's Note: (1/20/2020) Proofreading and editing may occur at the time of this chapter's release. As a forewarning, if there is a spelling or incorrect grammar error, I will try to edit and fix it as soon as possible. Otherwise, enjoy!
Chapter 8: Reality Check
"A doubt if it be Us
Assists the staggering Mind
In an extremer Anguish
Until it footing find.
An Unreality is lent,
A merciful Mirage
That makes the living possible
While it suspends the lives."
- A doubt if it be Us
by Emily Dickinson
I felt that I had just fallen asleep not too long ago, but yet the new day came around a lot sooner than I realized. I was feeling rather sluggish, even if the sun started poking through the window blinds in the apartment. I couldn't tell how many hours had passed since falling asleep. The simulations can really take a toll on the mind and body. They've managed to bring a lot of personal dreams to life for several people... in that same sense, my dream to find and understand happiness has been starting to become realized because of meeting Monika for real (or as real as we can get). This Doki Doki Literature Club simulation has been draining... but I've never been happier to finally see Monika. Life seems to be a little brighter now, since it hasn't been this bright in a while.
I yawned a bit loudly before stretching in my bed. After a little bit of effort, I finally managed to get myself up out of bed. I felt a little bit better after resting up my brain and physical body. Popping my stiffened joints also felt nice to start off the morning. I took my phone from my night stand nearby and I decided to check up on the time as well as to see if I had any missed messages or voicemails.
As I checked up on the messages, I made my way to the kitchen and decided to fix some breakfast (or in this case, lunch considering how late in the day it was already). I also started up my laptop while reading through my phone... Multi-tasking at its finest... (that's a sarcastic joke by the way). I looked around my cabinets for some ingredients and started fixing myself a meal. My laptop was already raring to go and as I finished making food I had already looked through all my text messages. Like usual, I have a few messages... some were from mom and dad. One from my best friend and several messages from a group text from my friends from college. Nothing too unusual from the norm. But this is just the subtle reminder as to why I'm lonely for the most part. My social life has always been in a weird state of limbo; and it seems like no matter how much I try, everyone just seems to drift away from me...
My college friends and I used to be rather close, we were even suppose to do a Youtube channel together as a podcast group. I had made all the possible name choices for it, and even when we finally chose on a name, I made all the designs, logos, the account and the channel itself. But no matter how many times I tried to get everyone together to get the recordings in, there would always be a technical issue or the group would decline a recording because one of those two friends thought it wasn't "good enough". Soon after I graduated, I didn't really hear from them much anymore, there were occasional group texts asking about going to see movies or hang out every once in a while, but I just seem to decline it most days.
My best friend lives fairly far away from me now. Being an only child and never having any true siblings, I came to call my best friend my "brother". He's probably one of the few people who truly understands me inside and out on... well, most fronts. We shared many of the same interests in gaming and fantasy. He was a bit of a Super Smash Bros. fan like myself (and I regrettably crush him in Smash Bros.) but my only concerns for him is that he doesn't fully comprehend the concerns behind mental illnesses such as my depression and anxiety and such. His wife, however, has been able to talk to me about such things and she's quite the kind-hearted person. My brother certainly picked a good woman to be his wife...
As for my parents... they haven't been doing as well as I'd hoped since leaving home and starting my own life. I know they're proud and happy for me, but even at this moment in time they're a lot older than most of my other friends' parents. They're both technically retired, but I know they've been questioning if I'll ever get married and get them a grandchild before one of them passes on. Some things... just... aren't that simple. Life didn't exactly give me the best hand when it came to handling relationships or even finding someone that I was happy to be around for longer periods of time.
I am already aware that the "perfect" person doesn't exist because we're human. We make mistakes and we're bound to have conflicts due to the sheer nature of being different. Granted... one can come pretty close. So far, Monika has been quite a positive influence. Someone who, technically doesn't exist in my reality... but yet, is almost more caring than anyone I've ever met. Being concerned for my safety inside and out of the simulation. It's a bit impressive... and I truly feel loved in that regard. We have had only that one major conflict earlier on... so hopefully things can continue to move forward appropriately without too many problems.
Josh: "I should probably check on the files..."
At this point in the day, my brain still hasn't fully woken up yet from how much I was physically drained from yesterday. I reached over and skimmed through my laptop and the simulation files that were being shared from the studio computer that I had left on in sleep mode overnight. As my Nobody had informed me... I had found the file that he created in his own time. After opening the text file... what I found was purely binary.
Josh: "Seriously Jox...? Binary?"
I sighed softly... I was going to groan out of agitation but thankfully the internet has simple decoders for these situations... but binary is a little complicated and long:
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So after a minute, I managed to decode it and it stated:
Joxhaus: "June 06, XXXX
Only a day has passed since being stripped from my illustrious counter-part... and placed into a 'physical form' in this simulation... While my other half ventures around normally in the simulation, I will continue to explore outside elements of this program.
- (08:24:37) All aspects of the simulation, though replicating Python code, the world itself expands itself through Unity.
- (14:54:49) I had to tamper with some of the code to find out an alternative outside program is also supporting the over-world of this simulation. (Chances of something bad occurring during said process was... possible.)
- (14:56:55) Yet the findings did not explain the prior issues, before my essence was placed into the simulation.
- (15:13:42) Earlier today I had also encountered some of the characters placed in this world as well. I managed to meet the entire cast in my own person. They seemed to act as expected. A little casual, but they seemed unsure of my presence.
- (15:17:11) The characters seem to act weird around individuals who aren't listed as the 'Main Character' or 'MC'.
- (16:20:19) I had a small interaction with 'Yuri' after the events of the afternoon... nothing to note from that experiment.
In conclusion of the experiments so far... at least as far as the running code is concerned... 'EC 39' is still the only red text string that I could find... and it's related to the unknown program that's connected to an outside source. Nothing more to note as of now.
- JX"
I never was one to be straightforward about anything. Even if I wanted to try. However, I did find the culprit of the incident from yesterday's second painful glitch at the very least. Joxhaus did a good job finding out that an "alternative outside program" being responsible for some of the other unusual occurrences in the simulation. While that was a reckless decision on his part, I can't necessarily blame him either. Sometimes you have to take risks in order to find higher knowledge.
After closing out the files and folders, I took a moment to visit my emails for a moment. I had a new e-mail from the "developers" who made the simulation. After opening it for a moment, I read through the new message to find that this message was different. It oddly seemed like more of a direct message to me than something generic:
"Hello Josh! We hope you're enjoying our simulation project. We've had many positive reviews of the product so far so if you could take a moment to let us know how the simulation is, we'd greatly appreciate it!
- TTLLC DDLC VR Simulation team.
Please also note, that bug fixes will be on the way in automatic updates within the coming days/weeks as needed. Your participation and contribution will always be appreciated. Thank you."
After reading through the message, I still wasn't quite sure how to feel about the "developers". While I'm all for amazing new VR experiences... maybe Joxhaus was right about this simulation being more than what it appears to be... but should that even matter? I have been sold on this for the most part, especially being able to spend my time with the truest version of Monika. While this simulation of the original game isn't perfect in technical standards, it's still an impressive piece of work regardless... and I have never been happier to be with Monika in her version of reality. We've truly come a long way in our technology...
Although from there, I decided to send in a response to this development team. I wrote in a few of the issues I experienced while being in the simulation. As well as listing the error codes that I have seen. From the minor issues to error code "39". I wasn't expecting a response anytime soon, but in all honestly, I think we might have found our possible culprit for the "alternative outside program"... I might do some research on this development team if at all possible.
For now though, with my morning routine and other responsibilities taken care of, I decided to lay back down and prepped my computers and VR system once more, getting ready to jump back into the virtual space. I was once again greeted by the virtual reality warning signs and even the VR system itself greeted me as normal. Simple messages like "Welcome back, Josh!" seemed fairly normal. But after the normal greetings I wasn't in the VR world yet... Another message popped up... This was a bit new.
"Program requires user re-calibration. Continue?"
Re-calibration? For what? It hasn't even been a full 24 hours since I logged off the simulation...Well whatever, shouldn't take too long.
Josh: "Uh... yes?"
"Confirmed... re-calibrating... (this may take a few minutes)"
I could only sigh and groan in my head. Even with advanced technology, somethings never change... and somethings always seem to take up time... as I waited on this "re-calibration" I could see some smaller text at the bottom. Looks like it's running through some of the codes and files to redirect and re-calibrate my thought processes again. I kind of wondered if this is how this development team started doing updates... unless those are separate?
"Reading brain waves... normal... reading current stress and blood pressure values... 7% higher than average... Calibration complete. An update will now commence."
Josh: "GOD DAMN IT!"
I just had to open that can of worms into the universe... and look where it gets me...
Although... I wonder how Monika's doing? Hope she'll be awake by the time I get back into the simulation completely. Hopefully Joxhaus isn't wrecking anything while I'm away either...
Meanwhile... inside the simulation... Monika has already woken up for the beginning of the day. She was also bit exhausted from the "day" prior. She rubbed her eyes a bit softly, yawning before getting her eyes opened.
Monika: "Mmm... Is it morning already?"
She stretched a bit slowly, yawning a bit to herself. As she rubbed her eyes gently, she started to remember what happened last night. She was also a bit shocked to see that Josh wasn't with her in bed this time around.
Monika: "Huh... guess I fell asleep last night... Hmm... Josh isn't here though... that's odd."
She got herself out of his bed and started to physically prep herself for the next "school" day. Soon after she made her way downstairs to check and see if Josh was somewhere in the house still. Unfortunately for her, she noticed his body was on the couch. Technically still sitting in "sleep mode" and his face was gone. Purely static. Off in the kitchen though, Josh's Nobody was making breakfast again. He seemed just as half-asleep as he was the first day. He was back in his black coat though and for a moment he was quiet, even though he knew Monika was standing there nearby.
Joxhaus: "Morning..."
Monika: "Uh... Morning...? Where's Josh at?"
Joxhaus: "Don't take this the wrong way... but I don't know... and I personally don't care... my first assumption would be that he's disconnected from this world to get actual sleep and food... he should be returning soon... hopefully."
Monika: "Oh... I have noticed an update is installing... so he must be trying to get on..."
Joxhaus seemed so emotionless while he spoke to her. It only took him a moment to finish breakfast... he soon sat three plates down on the table and then proceeded to eat. Monika was a little on edge, but decided to join him at the table to eat as well. The unnatural quiet still seemed a bit unsettling... and Monika didn't want to be awkward in this uncommon moment, so she tried to make a conversation with Joxhaus.
Monika: "Shouldn't we wait until he gets here to eat...?"
Joxhaus gave her a blank stare, still eating quietly before responding.
Joxhaus: "... While I would normally consider common courtesy for others... there's no telling when exactly he'll be back in the simulation... The update could take several minutes... maybe as long as an hour depending on the size of the update... It would be better to just go ahead and eat... the food will still be warm by the time he gets here."
Monika: "... Ah... um... o-okay... and thank you for making breakfast again..."
Joxhaus: "... you're welcome..."
The Nobody muttered softly. He averted his eyes and continued to eat. Monika faintly heard his response and she faintly smiled to herself. She chose to eat too for now while they continued to wait on Josh's return to the simulation. In this moment though, Monika felt an odd need to ask him some questions.
Monika: "So... Joxhaus... can I ask you some questions?"
Joxhaus: "If you truly feel the need to, I suppose you can..."
Monika: "Alright... Can I ask how you... umm... came into being...? If that makes sense?"
Joxhaus: "... Are you asking me how Josh created me?"
Monika: "Yes... if that's okay to ask?"
The Nobody seemed a bit agitated at first by the question, but he sighed. Seemingly thinking and hesitating before making a concrete answer. He finally chose to break his silence but giving a very vague answer.
Joxhaus: "... I would say 'no', but unfortunately... if you're truly wanting to understand Josh, understanding me would be a good first step... as I'm sure he's probably told you, I am just a manifestation of all of his negative traits and emotions or what we've sometimes referred to as our 'darkness'... I was created primarily because of all the negative energy and events he's endured over his lifetime... I have always been him, but as time went on, I became fleshed out, given form and more defined... almost as a separate individual... certain forms of abuse... self-hatred and unhealthy mental environments in our reality... took a very unfortunate toll on him..."
Monika: "Oh gosh... that sounds... awful... I'm sorry to hear that."
Joxhaus: "You say that... but I question how much of that you truly understand."
Monika: "Huh...? What's that suppose to mean?"
Joxhaus: "... Sorry, I have heard that phrase far too often from our reality. People aren't serious anymore when they say that they're 'sorry'. We don't need their pity. I would appreciate more of their common courtesy... to give us a little more respect... Words do nothing but provoke, actions show true intent... for his sake, remember that for me."
Monika: "... okay."
Joxhaus: "Let me ask you something now... since we're obviously trying to break an awkward barrier... Are you sure your feelings are real? Or are they just simulated to provide him a 'happy ending'?"
Monika's expression changed. She started to show her own agitation towards him... however, that was not Joxhaus' intent. The question was set up for a different purpose. Regardless, Monika stood up to show she was not satisfied with his question of choice.
Monika: "I know for a FACT that I love Josh. These feelings AREN'T fake! And I WILL prove that to you; by the end of this week, we will still be together! Perfectly HAPPY and in love!"
Joxhaus: "... Calm down, Monika... this question was not meant to question your integrity. I ask that, because if anything bad were to happen to him through the course of this Doki Doki Literature Club! simulation ... Let's just say the repercussions it would have on him... and me would be... catastrophic."
Monika: ". . ."
She sat back down slowly, still glaring at him and uncertain about what he just said. His statement was probably going to leave her paranoid for the rest of the day at least. During the conversation, Josh was returning to the simulation, his face returned to his simulated body... slowly waking up from his 'sleep mode'.
Monika: "... So, can I ask why you always seem so... emotionless?"
Joxhaus: "Truth be told... I am not always 'emotionless'... however, that is the expression I will normally project to most... His favorite game, Kingdom Hearts, has an enemy type known as the 'Nobody' hence, how I got my side title. He believes I am very similar to the human-like Nobody, in that context. Keeping primary appearances, memories and partial personality... and still being a physical manifestation of negative traits... and the common 'Nobody' has no sense of true emotion... usually... if that makes sense...?"
Monika: "It... kind of does... but that sounds unusual."
(Returning to Josh's POV in the simulation.)
I started to murmur a bit as I opened my eyes. Monika and Joxhaus peered over the kitchen counter, noticing my awakening. Monika seemed to express a huge sense of relief from my return. I'm going to guess the simulation started the "morning routine" while the update installed... it took a moment, but I'm finally back in the simulated world. I started to get up and I stretched, feeling a little tired still but managing to get my energy going... the breakfast food smelt amazing like always and I made my way over to the kitchen.
Monika: "Good morning Josh! I'm so glad you're finally back!"
Josh: "Mm... morning Monika... Joxhaus."
Joxhaus: "... Still drained?"
Josh: "Yeah... but it's not as bad as it could have been... and I already saw your files and a few other things from the so-called 'developers'."
Joxhaus: "Get some coffee in you... it should help."
Like always my Nobody seemed so thrilled to see me. I'm glad nothing in the simulation went wrong while I was away. I'm even more surprised to see that Monika and Joxhaus haven't gotten into any fights yet.
Monika: "I'll go make you some coffee really quick. You should get eating and get ready before Sayori gets up... I should make a cup of coffee for myself too."
Josh: "Alright, thank you Monika."
Monika soon got up from her seat and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before starting the coffee maker. She got out a few more things before asking out loud.
Monika: "Cream or sugar for your coffee, Josh?"
Josh: "Yes to both please."
Monika: "Got it!"
She giggled a bit to herself and makes our coffee for today. I took a moment to eat... but the morning was quiet between everyone, which was a little unsettling. This time, I managed to speak up.
Josh: "So, did anything happen while I was away?"
Joxhaus: "... no."
Monika: "Well... we just talked for a little bit. Trying to make some conversation."
Monika brings over two cups of coffee... one for her and one for me. I took a single sip from the cup and it seemed nearly perfect. This was definitely going to help me through the day.
Josh: "Thank you, Monika."
Monika: "You're welcome darling!"
I could be 100% positive and say I had a contented smile and expression on my face. Monika soon took my plate from breakfast and started to wash it in the sink for me. That was sweet of her to do. I wasn't going to tell her "no" if she truly wanted to that. I soon got up from the table and got my uniform situated and I cleaned myself up a little in the ground floor bathroom nearby. It took no time at all to get ready and as I made my way back to the main room there was a knock at the door.
Josh: "Am I really that far behind schedule today?"
Joxhaus: "Apparently so... you best not keep Sayori waiting."
Monika: "You should get going Josh. I'll see you at the Literature Club today alright? Be careful."
Josh: "Alright alright. I'll see you later today Monika!"
I get my shoes on at the door and I take my bag to make my way out the door a bit quickly, but in the process I also bumped into Sayori on accident. She reeled back from impact as she fell back on her butt.
Sayori: "Ow... Jooosh! What was that for?"
Josh: "Ah! Sayori! I'm SO sorry! I was in a rush trying to get out here today."
I helped her get back up on her feet and she cleaned off her skirt for a bit and giggled lightly. Seeming to shrug off what happened. For a moment she leaned in a bit closer to me than normal. She was looking direct into my eyes for a moment.
Sayori: "It's okay Josh. How's your eye doing?"
Josh: "It's doing better. I really needed that ice pack and sleep."
Sayori: "Mmmm... yup it does look a lot better! But anyway, we need to get to school! We're running late!"
She grabbed a hold of my arm, pulling me along at a fairly quick rate towards the school building. I personally hope this day goes a bit more according to plan. For now, let's keep a positive mindset and move forward.
(Meanwhile... back at the protagonist's home...)
Monika finished cleaning up the dishware and she made her way towards the door. She stopped to turn back to Joxhaus for a moment. She stared at him for a moment... and she wanted to ask him one more thing.
Monika: "So... do you plan on interfering with the school day or code today?"
The Nobody seemed quiet at first, but he looked up at her... seemingly lost in thought.
Joxhaus: "Well... I am not sure yet... I might just do some outside research... observe the world and events from a distance today... and nothing more."
She was quiet for a moment, thinking about what he just said. Monika didn't really buy it completely... but for now she figured she'd watch him passively today while the school proceeded. She flashed him a small smile and waved.
Monika: "Alright then. I guess I'll see you later then. Try not to cause any trouble today! I'd appreciate it. Bye for now!"
With that, in a flash of of an instant she teleported away from the home. Returning back to school for the day and leaving Joxhaus by himself at the home. There was a subtle quiet in the house like normal... but the Nobody sighed and started to drink his own cup of coffee.
Joxhaus: "I would think I would be the least of your concerns... just don't destroy this reality and we should be fine."
Author's Note: Hey, thanks for reading thus far my friend... ^_^ So, I want to preface something really quick. It's been something that's been bothering me for quite some time since the Chapter 8 preview came out. I had some random people asking me why the "whole thing" wasn't out already. I have been posting about this occasionally on my other chapters (or at least the more recent ones) but I want to remind you all that I have a pretty busy life. I try to occupy my time quite frequently and a lot of the times, I'm still struggling from my depression. It's still a bit of a problem because my motivation to do ANYTHING has been incredibly low... and December and January is a busy time for a lot of people. Holidays, family things, normal people stuff... I GET BUSY, OKAY?
Anyway ranting aside, sorry for the delay on this chapter. While I uploaded the preview a while ago, I was also in the process of finishing my college classes and as of December 20th 2019, I have technically/officially graduated with a degree in Digital Storytelling. I get to celebrate that accomplishment in May with the rest of the normal graduates.
About this chapter:
This is just a little bit of a notes thing... but...
- This chapter to me felt like more of a filler chapter... but there are a lot of little/minor things that are important to the overall story.
- The beginning (which was the preview originally) was designed to show a little bit of Josh's backstory. Relationships between friends and family and how they have affected him in long term.
- The rest of this chapter was designed around having Monika and Joxhaus having a short conversation to try and understand each other on a more sophisticated level. The questions chosen have significance... except for the last one.
- There's still more to uncover, more layers to reveal... the next day will progress in the next chapter.
Until next time... Also, have a great 2020! Hope the decade gives you plenty of wonderful and new opportunities! ^_^
Joxhaus
Next Chapter: Perspective of Dusk (preview)