My jaw drops the moment I enter the room. It looks like a library, but also like an office. There is a red carpet on the floor and two enormous bookshelves filled with books at the back of the room with a big heavy looking table in the middle, looking imposing and like some sort of throne. I keep my eyes on the bookshelf and can't stop myself from intruding.
I pass by the table and reach my fingers to touch the back of the hundreds of books. These are… real. They are real books I can touch. How do they keep them perfectly preserved? I take one carefully. I shouldn't be touching this. What if this thing just disintegrates in my hands? But the book is still in perfect shape. Just how old are these books? Nobody uses paper in such a long time… these should be in a museum or something, but how do they keep all of them here? I really want to open the book and touch the paper, but that would be pushing my luck too far. These must be worth a fortune. I place the book back carefully and look around the room.
After the shock of seeing all those books, I can finally pay more attention to the place around me. The room has many paintings on the walls. They are all people I've never seen before, but I can recognize a few replicas of famous art pieces. I observe carefully, but there are no family pictures around; even in a space that looks like a private study, there are no traces of their family. I wondered about this once. About how this house seems to have no visible traces of them. No pictures or personal items around. I walk over to the big table.
There are many objects on the table, and all of them are meticulously organized. The electronic pencils lined up, perfectly spaced, the little disk tower, one side for the processed ones and the other side for the yet to be processed. All color-coded too. The table is perfectly organized and clean. I'm no doctor, but this looks like OCD. But again, no family pictures. Not even a drawing. —But we do have this. I say, looking at one disk out of place, next to the reading pad. Maybe he forgot to put it in place after using it. The disk has no color coding; it's just loose there without any identification. I reach out to touch it, and a loud bang makes me jump.
—What are you doing? Esme asks. I've seen that expression on her face before. It looked a lot like the one she had when fighting with Rosalie. She looks angry.
—I…
—Outside. Now. She grabs me by my arm and pulls me out of the room, closing the door behind her.
—What were you doing in there? I told you the scissors were in my room. She points to the second open door I saw down the corridor. Her voice is calm, but her eyes are… intimidating. I never thought I would ever see her look at me like that.
—This door was open too… My voice is nothing but a whisper. I can feel it in my throat. The sensation of a ball stuck in there, stopping me from breathing.
—But, this is NOT a room! She throws her arms in the air in frustration. The ball in my throat feels like it's going to rip it apart.
—I'm sorry. I… I… I can't hold back the tears anymore. My body held back the pressure as much as it could, but it couldn't take it anymore. The tears flow like it's trying to relieve a bit of the pressure inside, keeping it from exploding.
—No… don't cry. She puts her hands on my shoulders. —I didn't mean to scream. I'm sorry. It's just, you took so long, and when I saw you in there… She puts her hands on my chin and raises my head, her fingers cold as always, constantly wiping my tears.
—This is Carlisle's office. Her voice is back to normal, sweet and calm. —He's very particular about it. I didn't want him to get mad at you for touching his things. She's touching my cheeks, cleaning the tears that won't stop. Her eyes are back to normal too, but I still feel my body shake. I wonder if Carlisle would've gotten this angry at me for going inside his office.
—I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I control the tears the best I can.
She hugs me the same way she did after the fight with Rosalie. Like she wants to collect all the pain in me and make it disappear. I feel like a child around her, always tip-toeing, looking for approval. Even now, although I'm as tall as her, it feels like she has to bend over to hug me.
—No, I'm sorry. I got angry for no reason. I'm sorry. She breaks the hug and looks at me. —What about I make something extra delicious for lunch today?
I nod my head, and although she is smiling at me, I can't find my own.
The doorbell breaks the atmosphere.
—It must be Seth. Esme walks through the corridor, going towards the main hall. I follow behind her but don't walk downstairs. I need a moment alone. I continued walking towards my room, head down, trying to keep a calm pace when, in reality, I wanted to run. I can't understand her reaction. I would understand a minor irritation and a warning, but she just… exploded. Did she have to be that angry? Maybe she had. I entered a private room with priceless books inside without permission. What if I had damaged that book? I even was about to touch a disk on the table and look at the content. I must be stupid or something.
I'm almost in front of my room now when I hear Seth's voice, calling my name behind me.
—Julianne? He says, making me stop. —Is everything all right?
—Hum… I answer without looking at him. The tears are still dripping from my chin, and I don't want anyone to see me like this. If I say something, he'll notice I'm crying.
—Are you sure? I can hear him walking over to me, so I decide to run to my room. I'll get inside as fast as I can, and he won't see me.
—Wait! He says, running after me, but I'm already in front of the door. All I have to do is make it slide open. I grab the handle and pull it back too fast, so it stops moving. I move it back and forth, but it won't budge. Stupid safe lock!
—Why did you run? I can hear Seth's voice right behind me.
The stupid door won't open. I support my head on it, hiding my face. Please go away. I don't want him to see me like this; I don't want to be like this! But he is still behind me, waiting for an answer. He goes a bit to my side, trying to see my face, but I cover it with my hands. He touches my shoulder and turns me around slowly. I know he wants to help, but I just want to be alone.
He waits a little more, and when I don't put my hands down, he pulls them away gently. I'm not angry at him or resisting his touch. I don't have the strength in me to do that. I put my head down and clean the tears again, but they won't stop.
—What happened? He asks. I'm an idiot; that's what happened. It's what I want to say, but I don't have the courage to, so I just stay in silence. I can feel his eyes on my face. The place his hand touched my hands still feels warm.
—You don't want to talk about it? I shake my head no.
—All right. I can't look at him, but I can tell he's smiling. I just met him, and I don't understand why he bothered to worry about me, but I'm thankful he did. I clean my face and turn around to open the door one more time. This time, it slides open without any resistance. I whisper a thank you and close it behind me.
—-
Esme is very excited to show the girl her favorite hobby. It's not exactly new, but she enjoys sewing and wants to share it with her. She's full of expectations for her and how she'll do on her first try. Esme still remembers how happy she felt when her mother taught her.
They sit on the living room floor, and Esme puts down the blinds. Edward said this glass would completely block the effect of the light on our skin, but better be safe. She can't take any chances with Anne, so it's better to stick to the old habits.
Unlike what she expected, the girl is not skillful with the needles. I'll have to be patient with her. Teach for a while. She looks curious about everything, so that's a great start.
—I'll have to cut off the line. Where are the scissors? Did I leave them upstairs?
She's about to stand up, but Anne is faster and insists on retrieving the scissors for her. She's always eager to help, so Esme sends her upstairs to pick it up.
She listens closely to her steps around the house and her heartbeat. She spent so much time worrying about her, about how she seemed to spiral in her fear, that she could roughly tell how she was feeling by the sound of her heart. Her steps sound a little too quiet now, and her heartbeat is a bit accelerated. She's excited and… happy?
Her phone rings, distracting her from the girl's movements.
—Yes?
—Esme, go upstairs right now. Anne's going to open her files!
Esme doesn't say anything back to Alice, just hurries upstairs, and as Alice said, there she is, reaching for the small uncoded square on the table.
—What are you doing? She asks. Her voice is angrier than intended. She's not angry; she's scared.
She's too agitated to hear what the girl has to say. She just wants her away from that disk, so she drags her outside and closes the door.
—What were you doing in there? I told you the scissors were in my room. Why did she have to enter that room? Esme is so scared of what would've happened if she saw that stupid disk that she couldn't control her actions. That little thing could've ruined everything!
—But, this is NOT a room! She throws her arms in the air in frustration but regrets it when she sees Anne's face. Esme has been a vampire so long that she forgot how fragile human feelings are. She can't remember the last time she had a talk or even shared a room with a human since Anne came. She's doing her best, but it's just so… different. The girl looks terrified, and she's crying now.
—No… don't cry. I didn't mean to scream. I'm sorry. It's just, you took so long, and when I saw you in there… Esme is really out of practice. She can't believe she made the girl cry like this. She just wanted to spend time with her, but Esme is proving to be her own worse enemy. She tries to wipe away her tears, but they don't stop. What am I doing?
She has to justify her behavior somehow, so she makes up a lie about Carlisle not liking people in his study. A feeble excuse, but she can't think of anything better. Another thing she doesn't usually do is lie like this.
—I'm sorry. It won't happen again. Anne looks a little calmer, but Esme can tell she's forcing herself to look that way. She is genuinely very good at keeping her expressions in check, but Esme can tell by the tension in her muscles and how her eyes look away from her that she needs space. She can calm herself down well when she's alone, and although Esme would like to be there for her, she obviously needs to work on her behavior around Anne.
For now, she promised to make her a delicious lunch. She doesn't know if the food is actually good or not, but so far, she followed Edward's advice on cooking, and Anne seems to be enjoying everything she makes.
Seth rings the doorbell, and Esme believes this may be the time to let her go to her room and calm down, so she goes downstairs to open the door, observing the girl walk down the corridor, towards her room.
Esme would be lying if she said she's not a bit… threatened by Seth. She knows he has no control over what he feels for Anne, but it seems to come naturally to him when he speaks with the girl. She's never seen Anne show as many emotions as she did when they were at the greenhouse yesterday. He even got her heart racing after doing what's so normal to him, being friendly and honest.
Seth is more… innocent than the others. He turned very young, so he abandoned his studies faster. He showed interest in the small garden Esme had, so they bonded over their mutual hobby. Also, Seth has always seen them as people before vampires, so it was easier to get closer to him. After some time, she found a way to send him to study abroad as an exchange student and learn more about the flowers he loved so much. It wasn't actually a lie when they told Anne he was back from studying abroad, which he actually did, a day before Anne appeared in the forest.
Jake has ordered him to take rounds around the house just to be safe. With Jasper having trouble identifying the girl, everyone is more cautious than ever, so, Seth reports everything that happens in the house to Jake and Sam; hence the going out all the time and disappearing for hours. Everyone is on edge with him inside the property, so they've all been feeding a little more frequently to avoid… bickering. She doesn't say hi when opens the door.
—She's upstairs. She's… upset. Something happened earlier, but it's her choice to talk about it or not with you, so ask her yourself.
She leaves before hearing his answer. The snow flies around her when she's running towards the trees, and she can only think about how much Anne would like this view. Every thought in her head has been about the girl, at least, most of them. But, she avoids those thoughts; otherwise, she'll start to feel too guilty to even look at her.
—
I sit on the floor, back held against the door and my head on my knees. The tears stopped, but my head hurt, and I feel like I could use a nap. The problem is that my brain won't be quiet long enough for me to think, let alone sleep.
I walk to the bathroom and wash my face until my eyes look less swollen, and lay down on the bed, looking at the white curtains—my first memory of this place. I was right here when I saw Esme for the first time. I also promised myself, inside this very room, that I wouldn't be a dead weight in this house or cause trouble to them. That promise flew out the window fast.
I haven't had one quiet, problem-free day since I arrived. Even a simple task, of retrieving a pair of scissors, developed into what feels pretty much like the worse day of my life. If I could control myself better, I would feel less pathetic now. Well, not that pathetic… thanks to Seth.
Just remembering how he pulled away my hands to look at my face makes me squirm on the bed. It's like I can still feel his hands on my wrists. Aaaaaaaaargh! How will I even look at him? How come I walk away from every conversation with him without knowing what to do with myself? I've just met this guy, but he makes me feel… normal. Like, I haven't lost my memory, like I'm just… me. I don't think about all the uncertainty in my future when I'm with him. I love spending time with Esme and the others, but it feels like my mind is constantly squishing my hopeful thoughts, and I walk away feeling sad, but not with Seth. I walk away angry or embarrassed, but not… helpless.
I jump out of the bed when I hear the door opening.
—Hey… food's ready. Esme says without entering the room.
—All right. I'll wash my hands.
—Anne. I stop at the sound of her voice. She comes inside, but she's keeping her distance from me. —I'm sorry. I got angry at you for nothing. I shouldn't have screamed at you that way; I don't know what came over me. You did nothing wrong.
—I entered the room without permission. I'm sorry too. I step closer to her, letting her know I'm not afraid. I don't think she knows how difficult it would be for me to be scared of her. I cried not because I was afraid but because I knew she was disappointed in me.
Esme answers to my step in her direction and comes to hug me again. I hug her back as hard as I can, in part to hold back the tears, but also because… it's Esme. She touches my hair one last time before telling me to come downstairs when I'm ready and leaves the room.
I take a few deep breaths and wash my hands. When I leave the room, Seth is right there by his door. He looks at me smiling, but I put my head down and walk towards the stairs.
—Feeling better? He asks with those big eyes, looking at me like nothing happened.
—Hum… I don't really answer him and just continue walking.
We eat in silence most of the time. Esme and Seth talked about things I didn't pay attention to, and we sat in the living room for tea after we all finished.
—The snow is piling up. Esme says, looking outside the big window. She's sitting on my left on the sofa.
The view outside is quite beautiful. The gazebo is covered in fresh snow as well as the garden.
—Yeah. Some places around the forest are buried in snow. Seth answers her. He's sitting on the floor on my right. His shoulder is almost touching my knee. I'm highly aware of how close he is.
—It's beautiful, right Anne? Esme asks.
—Ahm… yes, yes it is. But I have to say, I don't love the cold. I would exchange that snow for a sunny spring day any time, but it is beautiful to look at, especially from inside a heated house.
—I have an idea! Esme says excitedly. —Come on. I know the best place to look at this snow.
Seth and I follow her towards the second floor and down the corridor where I just was. We walk all the way to the end and turn to a different passage, walking until we reach a wide round room.
The room has a big table in the center and many chairs around it. More of those video game machines I saw on the TV room are lined up on one side, and right next to the entrance door, other rooms are lined up as well. Each entry has a different name on it.
—We call this is the entertainment room. Esme says, walking past the doors. We walk by the arcade, music, and art room and stop in front of the observatory. Esme opens the door so that I can go in first. Inside the vast space is a window that takes most of the ceiling from which we can see all of the forest and the white blanket of snow resting on the trees. This room is the brightest I've been to by far.
—Cool, right? Esme says from the door. —The glass won't let snow stay on it or make it wet. It's always crystal clear. Rosalie created this space. She takes amazing pictures here.
The place is impressive, but what she said about Rosalie is much more interesting. Is Rosalie a photographer? I had no idea she had a hobby like that. Or is it her job?
—Well, I have things to do, so you two enjoy the view. Esme smiles and winks at me before closing the door, letting Seth and me inside an awkward silence. I almost can't believe she did that. Almost. Now there's no way I can walk away from this conversation without making it obvious I'm avoiding him.
You'll become friends in no time, don't worry. I can hear Alice's words echoing in my head. She and Esme have been pushing me to become friends with him like my life depended on it.
—It is very nice. He says, looking outside the window.
—Yes. This conversation barely started, and I already few my hands sweating. We stay in silence for a few seconds, and I decide to take the first step —What did you study? I mean, when you were abroad.
—Many things. About flowers and forests, a little about animals. He sits down in one of the oversized beanbags under the window. They are at the perfect spot to sit and enjoy the view. He stretches his body comfortably like he's been there a hundred times.
He doesn't say anything back, so I'm just standing there while he's basically lying down. I see a chair at the corner and go for it, but he's faster.
—Why don't you sit down? He points to the beanbag next to him. I sit down, trying to keep a little distance between us but the bags are positioned quite close together.
—So, that's why you were so excited to see the greenhouse.
—Yeah. I observed all kinds of new species, but none can compare to those. Those are real flowers. They are not as extravagant as the others, but they are much more beautiful to me.
I don't know about flowers, but I know what he means. You can create almost anything in a tube these days, so people had fun with that. Flowers that change color with the light in the room or that can be manipulated to fit people's decorative wishes. They are fun, but they are not real flowers.
—How long did you study? I ask relaxing a bit. The beanbag feels better than my bed right now.
—Ahm… not very long.
—You must've missed your family.
—Huh?
—That's why you're back, right? To meet them.
—Oh, sure. Yeah. He puts his hands behind his back, looking outside.
—How are they? I ask curiously.
—My family? He smiles, thinking about it for a moment. —They are noisy.
—You have any siblings?
—I have an older sister and way too many brothers, to be honest.
—What about your parents?
—My father died when I was little, and my mother also died some time ago. It's just Leah and me now. His face looks a bit less relaxed now as he looks out the window, past the snow and the forest, into his memory.
—I'm sorry…
—Don't worry. I have a new family. A big noisy fantastic family. He is smiling brightly again. —Jake and Sam are like my brothers too. There's Quil and Embry. Paul is a bit grumpy, but I'm sure he'll like you. You'll meet them all at the Christmas party.
He's so excited talking about his family that I just listen carefully, keeping my questions for later. Hearing him talk about them makes me excited for the day we'll meet.
—You'll love them. He continues. —They are loud but funny and friendly… We love to walk around the forest and swim in the river in summer. We all have campfires by the beach too.
Seth articulates every word he says and makes all kinds of faces, describing his family and the things they do together. At some point, I must've drifted away because I'm now inside my dream again, swimming with the bubbles.
When I opened my eyes, Seth was right in front of me, laying down on his side. I have no idea how long I've slept, but I'm sure it was while he was talking.
—I'm so sorry. I say, sitting down, trying to wake up. —I fell asleep when you were talking.
—Don't worry. It wasn't important. You must've been tired.
I knew I could use a nap after crying my heart out that morning, but I thought my head would never get calm enough for that. Thanks to Seth, I feel like I have some energy again. All his talk about the normal life he has and his family helped me relax and stop spiraling into my misery.
—Just a little. What time is it?
—You were asleep for just a moment. There's still light out.
I look outside and see the orange light hiding inside the clouds. He's right.
I look back at him, and he is smiling again. His skin looks even shinier under the light coming from the window. How does he look so relaxed? Like life is just so… simple. Maybe it is. Perhaps he knows the secret. If we become friends, will I be like him, relaxed and carefree?
—You're smiling because there's drool on my face, isn't it? I say the first thing in my mind to break the awkward silence. There is tension in the air, and I can't quite tell what it is, but it's making my hands sweat again. I wipe my lips, just make sure there really isn't any drool.
—I wasn't laughing at you. He sits straight on the chair, looking a bit flushed. He looks away for a moment, and it's kind of sweet how he reacted like that from my joke.
—It was just a joke. I know you weren't.
—Julianne. His voice sounds a bit serious.
—You can call me Anne.
—What happened? This morning, when I was out.
His question makes me lower my head right away. I knew he would ask about that.
—It was a misunderstanding. I intruded and touched something that wasn't mine. It's just expected that she was angry at me.
—What do you mean, angry? I can tell he's getting a bit closer. Like he's not close enough already.
—She… screamed at me, but she was right. I wasn't supposed to be there.
—Did she… hurt you? He takes a deep breath after he speaks.
—Hurt me?
—When I say you… you could barely stop shaking…
—Of course not! I answer, not believing he asked me that. —I… was crying because… because… I didn't…. I took a long deep breath before speaking. I have only admitted this to myself so far. Putting it into words will make it even more real. I was never afraid of her. I could never believe she was going to hurt me. She could come at me with a bloody knife, and I wouldn't move a muscle. —I disappointed her. I had the chance to help, and I ruined it. I am alive because of her. I just wanted to help.
The truth pours out of my mouth without any censor and I let them sink in. I can't look at Seth after telling him all that. He didn't ask to hear my personal feelings and insecurities, but I just dumped it all on him.
I raise my eyes when I feel his hand on mine. His hand is much… warmer than Esme's. His brown eyes are staring at me. His big brown puppy eyes… looking at me like they are asking for something… like they are asking to get closer.
—You awake? Esme's voice makes us both stand up right away. —If you're up, let's go downstairs. Rosalie and Emmett are home.
Rosalie's name makes my stomach turn. I haven't seen her since the fight, and I still have no idea what to say to her.
We walk down the hall, and I try to think of something to say. She's a photographer. What if I ask her about that?
Downstairs, Emmett and Rosalie are standing by the window, looking out at the snow. Emmett has a big smile when he sees us, but Rosalie looks indifferent, like usual.
—What's up, shorty! He says, messing up my hair like I'm a child and greeting Seth with a complicated handshake.
—Hi Emmett. I still see Rosalie staring at us from behind him.
—Lost something? Seth asks, stepping to the side and looking behind Emmett, straight to Rosalie. I can't believe he talked like that to her.
—You two. In front of the window. Rosalie points to the window behind her. She's talking to Seth and me. He just shrugs and walks over, standing in front of it. I follow right behind and stand next to him like Rosalie asked, or better, ordered. She looks at us for a moment and grabs a big black bag from the sofa.
—Let's go outside. I want some pictures. She says, walking over to the door.
—But Rose, it's cold outside, and you didn't even ask if… I can see where Esme's words are going, and I jump in before they get there.
—All right. Let's go. I walk over to the door right behind Rosalie.
—You sure? Esme asks.
—Of course! I sound exaggeratedly excited. Rosalie has a slight grin on her lips, probably rejoicing in the fact I want so desperately to become friends that I would stand on one foot in the middle of the snow all day if she said she would never fight with her mother about me again.
—I'm okay with it too. I'm relieved Seth seems to be going with the flow.
I grab a coat by the window, put on my boots, and we all go out into the front yard. The snow is up to my ankles, and the cold is intense.
—I want you two to sit on the bench. Rosalie points to the bench next to the gazebo and takes a big camera out of the bag.
—Got it. I walk over to the bench and start to clean the snow. Seth helps me, and we sit a bit apart from each other.
—In the middle. She says, raising her eyes for a moment as she connects big lenses to the camera. I move closer to the center, and Seth does the same. We're about twenty inches from each other. Rosalie is looking at us through the lenses, trying to find the best angle, I guess.
—Closer. And no smiling.
I get a little closer to Seth, but still, the distance doesn't seem to be enough to Rosalie. She gives Emmett the camera and marches over to us, looking annoyed.
—Like this! She pushes me until my body is touching Seth's. —Now, don't look at the camera. Concentrate on the forest behind us, appreciate it and relax. She walks back to grab the camera from Emmett's hands. Being so close to Seth reminds me of how we held hands at the observatory.
I fix my eyes on a random tree behind Rosalie, forcing myself to ignore the spot where our thighs meet as it is getting warmer by the second.
—Not so stiff. Rosalie sounds frustrated. —Natural, like you are enjoying the view.
I choose another tree behind Rosalie to look at and take a deep breath. This time, I make sure to choose one that I like. A tall pine tree. It seems a bit old, but it's the biggest one I can find, and I like how imposing it looks. I listen to the sound the birds make and the sound of the snow falling from the branches.
—Now, put your head on his shoulder and close your eyes. Rosalie is looking at her photos and changing lenses as she speaks. This distance is uncomfortable enough, but now she wants me to do what?
—But… Ahm…
—Why? You said you were gonna do this. She has one hand on her waist, and her stare makes my throat dry. Seth also looks uncomfortable, and I can almost see a hint of red on the tan skin of his cheeks. To be honest, from this distance, I can even see his beard growing from his chin. It'll be over soon. She's not asking for anything unreasonable.
Putting my head on his shoulder makes his body get stiff. I close my eyes and pray for it to be over soon.
—Seriously? I open my eyes to meet yet another angry Rosalie. —I told you to look relaxed, not like you on death row.
—They are not professionals Rose. Esme has a slightly irritated voice.
—Sorry. We'll try again. I say and turn to Seth, whispering. —This will be over soon so just, try to relax even if it's uncomfortable. He nods his head, and I whisper a "thank you" before putting my head on his shoulder again. I try my best to relax and look like I'm sleeping.
—Good. Stay still. I can hear the clicking sounds of the camera as Rosalie takes pictures.
—Good. Now, before we lose the light. Stand in front of the gazebo, facing each other. We follow her instructions and walk over to the gazebo. I avoid Seth's eyes until she finishes changing lenses and tells us she's ready.
—Look at him and don't move. I take a deep breath and look up. He's much taller than me, so I stretch my neck back to look him in the eyes. He seems pretty calm, so I do my best to appear the same, although I'm actually holding my breath the whole time.
—Good. We're done. I finally breathe and take a big step away from him.
—What? I turn to see Rosalie looking at Emmett while putting away all her equipment.
—What do we say? He drags his words like he's talking to a child. I can see her lips move but can't hear what she says.
—No one can hear you, little sister! Emmett kicks her boots.
—Thank you! She shouts. —Happy now?
—Don't say it to me! Emmett points to Seth and me.
—Thank you… for the help. She almost looks at us.
—No problem. I'm happy to help. I can't miss the rare opportunity to be friendly to her.
She collects her stuff and walks to the house without looking back.
—Don't worry about her. She's saying she's sorry for the bad first impression. She doesn't mind you staying. Emmett says, smiling.
—Now, let's go inside. You must be freezing. Esme says as Alice's car approaches the house. She stops and jumps out.
—Seth, Sam wants to talk to you. He asked you to go to his house. Alice is a bit rushed when she speaks.
—Sam? But he…
—I met him in the city. He said it's important, so it's better to go right away. Here. Take my car. She gives him her car keys.
—Ahm… All right. He looks at me for a moment and then at Esme. —I won't be home for dinner, so don't wait. He looks at me again. —I'll see you later.
I just nod and smile. He drags his feet to the car, looking back a lot until he finally drives away.
—Esme, we need to talk. Alice says, a bit serious.
—Let's go inside first. Esme puts her arm around my shoulders, and we walk inside. She feels… tense.
It feels like the house is alive again with that many people inside. Esme is talking with Alice and I was hanging out with Emmett and Rosalie. Emmett is easy to talk to, so it wasn't that bad, but he does enjoy talking about sports, and I'm not very into that.
Carlisle came home at sundown, and suddenly, everyone Cullen I knew, except Jasper, was at home. I wanted to talk with Carlisle about my test results and apologize for going inside his study, but he was always busy talking with someone.
—Now we can finally have a family dinner. He says as we all sit on the big dining table, ready to dig in. They were all talking and enjoying themselves. I answer one or two comments with short answers, but just observing them like that puts a smile on my face.
After dinner, as usual, Esme makes tea, and we go to the TV room. Alice and Rosalie are sitting on the glass table, and Emmett is watching TV. Carlisle, Esme, and I are sitting by the window, and I just hear them talk about their day.
This must be everyday life for them. This must be what Seth was talking about. A family having dinner together and talking about their day, having fun. I wish I could remember, but this is enough. I feel happy to see them like that, but this feeling makes me remember my own family and how we must've had days like this as well. Just for today. It's all right to be like this just for today. I shut the voice in my head and just enjoyed the moment. Just for today.
It's already late at night when I finally go upstairs to sleep. Seth is not back yet, but I'll see him tomorrow. I want to see the pictures Rosalie took too. Maybe I'll ask for a copy and put them by the window in my room.
I lay down on the bed and can't stop smiling. I think about tomorrow and the day after. I think about spring, summer, and autumn, imagining watching the seasons change outside the window. I imagine myself getting closer and closer to them and finally becoming comfortable around Seth. I just cut all the "do not trespass" signs in my mind and dive deep into the fantasies I was not supposed to—the dreams where I put myself as someone that lives here with them forever. I swim deep into them, letting them fill my whole body, making all problems insignificant.
The sound of bells makes me jump. I look over at the robot, and the words "doorbell" are blinking in red. Someone is here.