It took me a minute to process his words. All right, more than a minute. Vampires. That's what I should open my mind to? I'm staring at Carlisle, unable to answer him.
My first thought is, "No." I look around, waiting for someone to burst into laughter like before, but they are all serious, staring at me without a word.
No. They can't be vampires. But Rosalie broke that table in half with her bare hands right in front of me, and Esme just stood up after destroying that fridge. I stare at my hand, wrapped in bandages, and I can feel it sting. This is too much. First, I have to convince myself to leave them, then I get sick out of the blue, and now this? I know what Rosalie did was impossible, but can I justify it with something even more unbelievable? Besides, vampires were supposed to be… well, weird and violent. They should live in darkness and avoid the sun, but the Cullens walk around like it's nothing. They drive, eat and just… live their lives like everyone else.
—But my first words make them all move a little. They look relieved I'm finally speaking. —How can you be vampires? You're a doctor, and Alice runs a company. You all just walk around the city and have… hobbies.
—Well, real vampires are a little different from the ones on the books. Carlisle says.
—How different?
—We can blend in with humans and live among them. We drink blood and live forever. The sun is inconvenient, but it won't kill us.
—Inconvenient?
—It reflects on the skin, and well… people notice. That's why Forks is so convenient.
—So, you drink like… human blood? I sound a little more scared than intended.
—No. Our family is different from the others. We survive on animal blood and try to live like ordinary people.
He said others. Does that mean that are other vampires walking around? How many? I look back at Rosalie by the front door. She's still avoiding my gaze.
—Well, we do drink animal blood, but it doesn't mean it's natural. Carlisle says, making me turn to him. —It can be challenging to control ourselves around human blood if we are hurt or haven't had any in a long time. But what happened to Rosalie was different, wasn't it, Anne?
His words make my body stiff. This is why I wanted to leave without talking. I'm sure I had something to do with Rosalie's behavior, but I can't explain it. They'll kick me out right away if they find out, or even worse. I can't tell him.
—I'm… I'm not sure it's all really confusing… Yeah, perfect cover. No one will notice my pants on fire right now. But, to my surprise, Carlisle continues to talk like the question never existed.
—Now you understand? You didn't do anything wrong; we are the ones putting you in danger. We'll understand if you still want to leave, but please let us help you find your family. You don't have to see us, but we can't let you just walk away like that. Of course, if you want to stay with us, that's perfectly fine.
His words stir something inside me. I would've jumped head-on to any possibility of me staying with them, but now… I just need to think.
—But what about those people? I ask, remembering Tanya.
—They came here because it's against the rules to let humans know who we are. The vampires that protect those rules are quite strict, and she is worried about what would happen if they found out.
So they have, what? A president? A king?
—What if they find out? What then? Will they take me away or…
—No one will take you away. I won't let them. Esme's voice startles me a bit. She's still right next to me. The sting in my hand is stronger now, and I regret not asking for more anesthetics.
—I… I don't know. My head is spinning, and I can't explain how I feel.
—I understand. Take your time and rest. Here. Carlisle gives me a cup of water and three small blue pills. —They are painkillers and antibiotics.
I swallow the pills and try to stand up, but Esme picks me up like it's nothing. She takes me back to my room and puts me in bed.
—Rest. We'll just be outside, so call my name if you need anything.
I don't answer; I just look at her expression. She seems calmer now, but I can't erase the pain I saw in her eyes just a few moments ago. It's like she's avoiding my gaze, and I wonder if she's afraid of me. She left the room, and I couldn't say anything in the end.
I woke up today thinking I had to leave them forever, but now I have a choice. A bizarre choice. Live in a house of vampires, or live away from them and let them keep helping me.
Vampires huh? At least they have a name for it, but me? I have no idea what I did to Rosalie, and I can't ignore it. Would it be ok to stay? I shake my head, not believing what I'm feeling.
I'm crying right now as I smile like a crazy person. I'm so unbelievably relieved and happy right now that I think I must've hit my head somewhere and gone crazy. Even after almost dying, I can feel happy because I can tell them I want to stay.
When I lay down to sleep, my hand hurts less because of the meds. I must be insane. Maybe tomorrow, it will all make sense.
When I wake up, everything is the same.
My hand hurts like crazy when I sit on the bed. Right now, all the painkillers are out of my system, and I can feel every little stitch under the bandages. Little Eve is by my bed, holding a big breakfast plate with a note floating over her head.
Take your medicine after you eat. Take your time to think. If you need anything just say my name.
Esme.
I'm not hungry, but the pain in my hand is bothering me too much to ignore it, so I take a piece of toast from the tray and eat it before taking the pills as Esme told me to.
Carlisle didn't explain everything yesterday, but he made one thing clear. I have a choice. They won't stop helping me even if I decide to go, and if I choose to stay, it'll all be like before. Well, almost. I take another piece of toast from the tray.
Are they cautious of me? Is that why Esme didn't come? Or, maybe they think I'm afraid of them. Rosalie's eyes are forever engraved in my mind. When she attacked me, I was sure that I was as good as dead. When I made her attack me, she wasn't herself because of me, but they didn't know that.
The strangest thing right now is that, although I don't understand what happened, I can't find fear for what the Cullens are inside me. And believe, I know fear, and this is not it. I want to see their faces. I want it all to go back to normal, like this never happened.
I move around my bed and make some noise on purpose, but no one comes. What if I say her name? Esme told me she would come to me if I said her name aloud. The word dances on my lips, but I can't pronounce it.
What will she say? What will I say? The pain in my arm distracts me. I didn't notice, but I ate most of the food on the tray, so I finally swallowed the pills, hoping they act fast and make the pain stop. The little robot is there, waiting for me to send it downstairs, but I'll have to leave this room at some point. It might as well be now.
I wash my face before leaving, and the bags under my eyes are… something. The water won't help so, I just leave it and go for the breakfast tray. I want to carry it downstairs, but I can't trust my one good hand to keep it balanced safely, so Eve will have to help me. —Follow me. I say to her as we leave the room. I walk down the corridor slowly, and when I get to the stairs, Esme is by the front door, waiting.
The light behind her reminds me of the halo I saw over her head when we first met and how I thought she was an angel there to save me. She is rubbing her hands together, looking like a child that got in trouble. When I get close, I just say a shy good morning.
—How are you feeling? Is your hand ok?
I can't answer. When we first met, my body felt like it was being pulled towards her—drawn to her like a magnet, a very needy and scared magnet. I could never choose to be away from her out of my own free will. It tore my heart in half, thinking I had to leave them, so I'm not doing it again. There is no noble cause that can make me want to go. The only way I'm getting out of this house is if she asks me to. I won't sink myself in self-pity anymore. This is where I want to stay.
I hug her as tightly as I can, and she hugs me back. —I want to stay. I whispered so softly that I thought she didn't hear me.
—I promise, everything will be all right. And just like that, I took the most selfish decision of my life and possibly the most dangerous. I will stay with them for as long as I'm allowed.
We sit together in the living room, and she makes us tea. The snow outside is the most beautiful I've ever seen.
—You know, She says, —I have no idea if this tea is any good. The lady from the store said it's their best seller, but…
—You can't taste it? It's is the first time she is talking about not being human.
—Nope. Regular food is like dust in my mouth. I made it because I thought you would like it.
I have so many questions for her, but I don't want to make them all at once, so I keep them to myself for now. There will be a time when I'll want to know everything but let's keep this calm mood for now. To do so, I change the subject.
—Where is Seth?
—Ahm… He should arrive any moment now. He wanted to come back yesterday, but Sam tied him up after all that commotion. Esme laughs a bit and shakes her head. I'm not sure if she's joking.
—Where's the bathroom? I want to check my face one more time before seeing him. My dark circles were looking scary.
—Behind the stairs, next to the TV room.
I stand up and walk in the direction she pointed to. As I pass by the hall, the loud bang makes me stop. It's Seth. He's out of breath, and his hair is a mess. He stops only for a second when he notices me before jumping inside the house, muddy boots and all, and hug me, just like that.
—Anne! His arms around me are so tight that I can barely breathe.
—Seth…
—Seth, she can't breathe. I can see Esme's hand touch his shoulders, but Seth shoves it off right away. Finally, I can breathe again, but he won't remove his arms from around me as he glared at Esme.
—Take it easy cowboy, she's fine. Esme is ignoring his hostile eyes and smiling.
He doesn't answer or apologize; instead, he talks to me.
—Are you all right? What about your hand? Are you hurt anywhere else? You look tired. Come on. I'll take you to your room. He asks way too many questions way too fast and doesn't wait for me to answer either of them; he just picks me up and runs upstairs, leaving a trail of mud on the floor.
—Take off your boots! I can hear Esme's voice from downstairs, but Seth doesn't slow down. He takes large steps towards my room, and when he stops for a moment to open the door, I get the chance to say something about the mess he's making.
—Your boots…
—Oh, right He removes them before entering the room and closes the door behind him. With a quick look inside, he puts me on the sofa under the window.
—Does it hurt? He asks, holding my hand.
—Not anymore. I took some medicine
—Let me take a look. He opens the bandages until all my stitches are exposed. The skin is red but looks healthy.
—Seth, it's all right. Carlisle cleaned it up and gave me stitches. It'll be fine. He looks closely at the cut and seems relieved for a moment. His reaction shows he knows about the Cullens and my near-death experience. Was he worried I got hurt? He closes his eyes and puts my hand on his face. My ct stings to the touch of his warm skin.
—Seth… I can't quite comprehend his reaction, but he must've been scared. I was worried about the way he disappeared as well.
—I should've been here, with you. His eyes are still closed, and his voice sounds… shaky.
—It was an accident. Besides, what would you've done? Punched Rosalie? I smile a bit, trying to improve the heavy mood in the room.
—Yes. His eyes are… intense. I've never seen them like that. They are full of conviction and… scary. I prefer his gentle look. —Sam and Jake, they… stopped me.
—Esme said he tied you up.
—Something like that.
I let a yawn slip, and he notices. The medicine is about to knock me out like last night.
—You should rest. He puts the bandages back. He's not as good as Carlisle, but it's neat enough and lays a blanket on me, sitting on the floor next to the sofa, looking at the door.
—Sleep. I'll keep watch.
—Keep watch? I yawn again. My body is heavy, like it's sinking inside the sofa. I notice his hair has a leaf stuck to it and wonder how it got there.
—Yes, no one will pass by me. I smile again, my eyes starting to close. He's very stiff and looks serious at the door like someone will knock it down and come into the room. I reach my arm and remove the leaf from his hair. His bright eyes are the last thing I see before falling asleep.
Seth is sleeping with his head on the sofa when I wake up. Is hair is touching my fingers, and his face is serene. The clock by the bed reads nine in the morning. I woke up around six, so I just took a short nap, thanks to the medicine. My hand hurts again, but I don't want to wake Seth up. I move just an inch, trying got get comfortable, but he jumps out right away.
—Who's there? He says, looking around.
—Sorry, it was me. I didn't mean to wake you. I sit up on the sofa, massaging my sore shoulder.
—I wasn't asleep. He says, tidying up his clothes. He notices I'm massaging my arm and asks too many questions again.
—What's wrong? Are you in pain? Where is the medicine? Where's the stupid robot? He grabs the little white robot and starts to shake it like something will drop out of her.
—Woah, take it easy! I say, making him stop —Just run your fingers over her head like this. I show him how to wake the robot, and he tries a few times but can't get Eve to turn on.
—Argh! I hate this thing! I can never make it work… I signal him with my hand so he'll bring the robot to me. With a slight movement of a finger over her head, she turns on right away. The green light is blinking, waiting for the following command.
—Now, say what you want. He hesitates for a moment before speaking.
—Where is Anne's medicine? He screams at the robot, and I can't hold my laughter.
—No local results were found. Would you like to expand your search? Eve's robotic voice answers.
—No, it's ok. You may go. Eve floats back to her place near the closet when I tell her to cancel the search.
—Let's go downstairs. Esme must have them. I stand up from the sofa, and Seth picks me up again.
—No… no. I can walk, Seth. Put me down.
—It's no problem. I can carry you. He's smiling, showing off how strong he is.
—Is that so?
—Yeah. I train with Jake every day. His smile is even bigger now. He thinks he has the upper hand on this.
—You must need to train like crazy to carry someone as heavy as me, right? You need to work out for hours, and hours and hours to no end to lift all this weight without falling to the ground, right? His smile fades away at every word I say, and I can barely hold back my laughter.
—That's not what I meant. I train because…
—You're almost out of breath now, Seth. You better put me down before the overwhelming weight of my body ruins your boxer arms. I stretch my body and turn my eyes to every word until he finally puts me down and holds my shoulders, making me look at him.
—That's not what I meant, I… I burst into laughter seeing his worried puppy eyes. Those are the eyes that fit him the best; those are the eyes of my friend.
—I'm messing with you. I laugh, but he doesn't look amused.
—Let's call it payback for the frog, ok? I lightly punch his arm and walk out the door. He follows right behind me.
The muddy corridor is now spotless again. Downstairs, Alice is cleaning the last remains on the front door.
—Look who decided to show up after I cleaned up all of his mess. Her voice is full of sarcasm as she finishes cleaning up.
—Anne's in pain. He says without apologizing.
She looks at her watch like she's counting the hours. —Is it very painful?
—It's not that bad, but I'm kind of hungry.
—Sorry to inform you, but the pantry is empty. Esme when down to the supermarket, but she'll be a while.
—I'll run to a store then. Seth walks over to the front door, but Alice puts her arm around his shoulder, holding him down.
—The closest store is 20 minutes from here by car Seth. There is no way you can run there and come back before Esme gets home. She sounds very pissed at him for having to clean up his mess. —But, I think I saw some food somewhere.
We follow her to the kitchen, and the place looks… like nothing happened.
—How…
—We cleaned it up last night. That table was natural wood, and Emmett is trying to fix it, but I think it's a lost cause. The new one is ok too. Alice is looking inside every remaining cabinet inside the kitchen. She opens the one fridge that wasn't wrecked and smiles.
—You are in luck. Esme made ahm… thirty-six sandwiches for you guys. She takes out a huge ham and cheese sandwiches tray and puts them on the table. —Bon Appétit.
I sit down and start eating. My hand still hurts, but the food was just what I needed. She gives me a big glass of water so I don't choke.
—As I said, Esme went out for groceries. We only have water.
I thank her and gulp it down.
—Well, I have some things to take care of Alice says, looking at her phone as she walks out of the kitchen. —so you two behave while I'm out. Especially you, Seth. She points a finger in his direction as she leaves. He won't look or talk to her.
After we hear the front door close, it's just silence. I push the tray of sandwiches to Seth. —Esme made enough for both of us. He doesn't answer me. —You're hungry too, right?
He's looking strangely grumpy. I thought I lightened up the mood earlier, but he seemed a bit nervous to me. I stand and sit next to him, holding a sandwich, waiting for him to pick it up from my hand. He looks at me like he's about to say something, so I shove the bread in his mouth before he has the chance to.
I eat until my stomach hurts and relax in the chair, looking around the kitchen.
—You should've seen it, Seth. Rosalie broke the table in two like it was nothing. Bam! I was sitting right there by the sink, and I couldn't even move. She threw Esme over the island, and she landed on the fridge, completely destroying it, but she just stood up and walked it off. Looking at that place in such a perfect state makes it hard to believe all that happened yesterday. I try to explain to him how unbelievable all that was, but he looks a bit… disturbed by my story.
—Ahm… it wasn't really that bad. It was all so fast… Also, it won't happen again, so there's no need to worry. I know Seth understands what the Cullens are, so I thought he was more… used to it, but he looks afraid.
—How do you know? He asks.
—Know what?
—That it won't happen again? That you won't get hurt again?
—Ahm… To tell the truth, I don't know. I just had a feeling it was going to be all right. The world fell on my head yesterday, but I survived. That was enough for me. —I have a… good feeling? He seems to think carefully before speaking.
—Are you going to stay here?
I nod my head yes. I made my decision and couldn't be happier about it. —Yes. Besides, I have nowhere to go. You know I have no memories, don't you?
My question takes him by surprise. I had a feeling he knew everything. If he knew about the Cullens being vampires, he certainly knew about me. Also, he never asked about my family, even after I asked him a million questions about his.
—It's all right. I had a feeling you knew.
—Are you upset? Because I didn't say anything?
—No.
—Are you angry at me now?
—No.
—Then, what are you thinking about?
I look at him, thinking about his question. My head was pretty empty right now, so I had to find something random to say.
—I was thinking… How long have you known? About the Cullens?
—I guess all my life. People around me have always said they were different, and one day I understood why. I saw it with my own eyes.
—What did you see? He looks at me for a long time, like he's choosing his words carefully before speaking, and I'm starting to regret asking.
—It wasn't a Cullen. I saw one of the others. He was in the city at night, feeding on a woman in an alley. His eyes were bright red, and he fed on her until she died.
—He had red eyes? I had no idea vampires had different colored eyes.
—That's what happens when they drink human blood. Their eyes get red, and they lose control.
—What happened to him?
—He left the city. The Cullens drove him out.
I can't imagine the creature Seth described as a vampire similar to Carlisle and the others. In my mind, he's just a faceless monster.
Rosalie's pitch-black eyes pop in my head.
—What if they are black?
—It means they are hungry. I can tell I visibly shook at his words. Rosalie attacked me because she wanted to drink my blood. I look at my hand and realize I was lucky to come out of that attack with just a cut.
Seth must've noticed my body shake because he puts his arms around my shoulder and pulls me closer. I don't really know how to react to how… physical he became out of the blue. He held my hand once, but this is different. Maybe he is scared by my story. The thing is, this is a bit… suffocating. I don't understand what he's feeling or why he's so… on edge all the time.
—It'll be all right. I'll make sure of that.
I see a car approaching the house through the kitchen window and jump out of my seat, running straight to the front door. Esme is back!
Seth follows me, of course, and Esme opens the door with two huge boxes on one arm and more bags hanging from the other arm.
—Anne, you're awake! How's the hand? She has a very calm voice like she's not carrying forty pounds worth of stuff in her hands.
—I'm fine. Let me help. I use my good hand to grab the bags out of her arm, but I'm not actually helping her. I look to Seth and back to the boxes. He holds one, and we take them all to the kitchen.
—Anne, Alice said you're hand hurts? Esme looks at her watch just like Alice did.
—Just a little. The cut is pulsating, but I can handle the pain. It's not too severe yet.
—It's a little early, but you can take more medicine. We are changing the bandages too. We follow her to the TV room, and I sit on the sofa, waiting for her to grab a big white box out of a cabinet. She sits down and exposes the cut to put on some ointment and clean it. The line is about two inches long, and the black stitches are lined up through it.
She finishes treating the wound and gives me three blue pills. I hesitate because I know they'll make me sleep again, and I have had enough sleep for the week, but if I don't take them, my hand is going to hurt like crazy all day and could even get infected.
—What? Seth notices my hesitation.
—Nothing. I lie and just take the pills. I'll just avoid laying down.
—All done. Esme says, putting the box back in place. —I'll put away the groceries. Seth, can I talk to you? Esme points to the entrance hall, and Seth follows her.
I get to the edge of the sofa, trying to hear what they are saying, but I can't understand the whispers. Is she scolding him? He made a mess and never apologized. He also shoved her hand off like that. Seth's attitude hasn't been the best with everyone, including me, actually. He's always following me like he must keep an eye on what I'm doing.
He comes back to the room and sits on the sofa next to me. He stays in silence, so I poke him with my elbow and ask what's wrong.
—Ahm… She wanted to know how many people were coming to the Christmas party. He lies as well as me. I don't say anything and just nod my head. If he wanted to say anything, he would've.
Emmett comes out of a door next to the TV. That's the other door that connects to the garage. He's cleaning some brownish liquid out his hands and face with Rosalie right next to him, looking impeccable, of course. Seth stands up right away, looking scared. I shouldn't have told him about what happened.
—Emmett, Rosalie. Were you in the garage? Seth stares at Rosalie, making me uncomfortable. I can feel his hand pulling my elbow, but I refuse to move. I want to show him there's nothing to fear. If anything, she should be afraid of me; after all, I was to blame.
—I was trying to fix the table, but she's dead and gone. How's your hand?
I show him my bandaged up hand and smile. —It's ok. Maybe I'll get a cool scar.
—Dope. Emmett is the most laid-back person I've ever met. He won't miss the chance to say something humorous and lighten up the mood. Too bad Seth and Rosalie don't think it's funny and keep looking at each other like they're about to fight. Just how sacred is he?
They pass by us, and Seth keeps following them with his eyes until they are gone.
—Seth, are you ok? You don't have to be… afraid of her, you know.
—I'm not afraid of her! His voice is loud enough to make me take a step back. His breathing is heavy, and he looks… angry.
—Is everything all right? Esme is by the room door looking at us. I don't even know where she came from.
—Yeah. It's all good, right? Seth looks like he's calming down, but his breathing still sounds heavy to me.
—I… I'll go to my room. He walks away without looking back, rushing up the stairs and into the corridor. I try to follow him, but Esme holds me back.
—Let him be for a moment.
—What's wrong with him? Esme looks at me like I made the most stupid questions in the world.
—You don't see it? She seems to think the answer to my question is obvious, but I'm still clueless.
—He thought you died, Anne. He probably thought he would never see you again, but here you are, alive and well, but literally sleeping with the enemy. I can barely understand how you are this calm; imagine him. He doesn't want you to get hurt, but he doesn't know what to do when you look so… calm about all of this. Seth had a very… different experience with vampires. Maybe you should let him know you know what your choice means. He doesn't want to lose his… friend.
I listen to her words carefully and feel stupid when I realize how much sense they make. He wasn't afraid of the Cullens; he was scared for me, for my choice. In my mind, staying with the Cullen's made perfect sense, but that's because I feel such a strong connection to Esme. However, for someone looking at this from a logical point of view, I was crazy. Even I thought I had gone insane for a moment. For him, I'm risking my life staying here, but to me, I got everything I wanted. His story about the red-eyed vampire should've been my first hint. He faced fear before a vampire and knows a lot more about them than me.
He's the person that makes me feel normal, and I always talk too much when I'm with him because he's so… honest. I guess it's my turn to ask if he's all right.
I go up the stairs slowly and hesitate in front of his door. Does he need more time? Will he even talk to me? Let's do this. If he asks me to go away, then… I knock on the door, calling his name, still without a clue what I'm going to say.