As I was rewatching episode 2.13 "The Last Dragonlord," I couldn't help but notice Arthur's expression when Merlin tells him, "I know it's hard for you to understand how I feel." It's not hard to read into, so this idea was born.
Oh how I love a good reveal fic! I've been reading a ton of them recently and had to add my own to the mix.
The first chapter takes dialogue and actions straight from the episode, with some elaboration for the benefit of my plot. More to come soon. Enjoy!
Merlin pushes past Arthur to the table. Of course Arthur would say that. No man is worth your tears. But Arthur is a knight and trained to handle the loss of people. Even then, Merlin knows Arthur cares more than he says or is willing to show. But Merlin himself is not trained for loss like that, is never prepared to see those around him die.
Merlin sniffs and grabs the sword resting on the tabletop. He'd turned Arthur's words into a joke, telling his prince that he wasn't worth Merlin's tears, but they both know that's not true. Merlin especially knows he couldn't bear it. As he turns toward Arthur with sword in hand, the expression on the prince's face changes. "What are you doing?" His tone is grave as he looks at Merlin searchingly.
"I'm coming with you," Merlin tells him.
"Merlin, the chances are I'm going to die." There is disbelief in Arthur's tone, some humor laced within the words. Merlin knows Arthur does that when he's trying not to be overwhelmed by what's coming. If he makes light of it, it's easier to handle.
Merlin cuts in, adding humor to his own tone to make it easier for Arthur to hear. "Yeah, you probably would if I wasn't there."
The prince chuckles. "Right," he says, skeptical.
And Merlin is just a tad frustrated by Arthur's blindness. "Do you know how many times I've saved your royal backside?"
"At least you've got your sense of humor back," Arthur says, one eyebrow lifted as he clashes his sword lightly against Merlin's. He's aiming for the door, still thinking he's going alone, but Merlin won't let that happen.
He circles the other side of the table to meet Arthur at the doors. He can feel Arthur's gaze, heavy and searching. Merlin turns to face him, eyes locking for a prolonged moment "Are you really going to face this dragon with me?"
Merlin shifts his gaze away before meeting his prince's eyes again. "I'm not going to sit here and watch." Arthur's brows furrow as he watches Merlin, shifting on his feet. Merlin knows Arthur is trying to figure him out, trying to understand. "I know it's hard for you to understand how I feel, but…"
A deeper furrow forms between Arthur's brows, trying to make sense of Merlin's words as he considers the possible meanings. And Merlin knows he messed up just now. He shouldn't have said that. It's too close to exposing his heart. He loves Arthur with everything he is, but the prince can't know that. If he finds out, Merlin will likely be separated from him, and then how is Merlin supposed to protect him. He can't let his feelings get in the way of his destiny.
He shifts gears, knows a joke might help throw Arthur off the scent. "But I care a hell of a lot about that armor. I'm not gonna let you mess it up."
Arthur huffs a laugh, turning to look at the floor as a smile lights his face. And Merlin joins in, relieved and enjoying the smile on Arthur's face. He always loves making Arthur laugh.
As the laughter fades, Arthur swallows thickly, turning to look at Merlin. He nods, smile dropping from his mouth, and punches at Merlin's chest, a gesture of acknowledgement. Arthur then heads out the door and Merlin takes a deep breath, bracing himself for what's ahead.
Under the full moon, they wait, the knights circled up in formation, ready to fight. They hear wings flap overhead and they all know it's coming. Arthur dons his helmet and orders his men to hold. They have to wait for the perfect moment. He repeats the order, heart pounding, waiting, waiting. The air is tense around them, all of their adrenaline pumping, horses whinnying, sensing the tension of their riders, and Arthur wishes there was another way. He will lose more men tonight.
When the moment is right, he yells "Now!" into the night air. His men direct their horses into a circle, surrounding the dragon. But they are too close, the great beast's tail whirling through the air, knocking them from their horses. Arthur flies from the saddle and crashes into the hard earth. He is rocked by the impact, but sucks air back into his lungs and pushes himself up. He's lost his helmet, but that's the least of his worries. A number of his men are down, and as he turns, he watches in horror, still unable to catch his breath, as the dragon engulfs many of his knights in flames.
Distantly he hears Merlin's voice screaming "no," pleading for the dragon to stop. And as flames consume his knights, the dragon turns around, facing him. Arthur is seething and horrified for his men, petrified about his own fate, but he knows this may be his only chance, small as it may be. He searches the ground for a weapon and bends to grab a spear, settling himself into a fighting stance.
The dragon is close, so close, standing right over him, and Arthur aims at its chest. It's close, but still too far to do anything. Throwing the spear would have little impact and he can't reach with a hard thrust. He is uncertain what to do next, and then the dragon opens his mouth to unleash more flame. Heat curls over his head and Arthur heaves himself forward, rolling to avoid the jet of fire.
As he rolls to his feet, he sees he is close enough now to drive the spear home, and he does, plunging it into the beast's underbelly. There is a great roar overhead and then the dragon rears up on his hind legs. A large swipe of a front leg sends Arthur flying through the air and he gasps, as again, he strikes the ground. This time, the wind is knocked from him so thoroughly he can't even lift his head. There is pain everywhere, his head pounding, body aching, and he is paralyzed. His eyes flutter, body caught somewhere between awake and unconscious. The dragon still walks and Arthur knows all hope is lost.
For a long time there is silence, and then he hears a voice call out, fierce and booming through the clearing, "O dragon." Arthur fights to see. His vision is blurry, head throbbing, but he must see.
There ahead of him, a figure stands facing the great beast. He blinks and for a moment, the fuzziness clears enough for him to see that it's Merlin. What is the idiot doing? Arthur winces as pain lances through his skull. His idiot manservant insisted on coming and will now die along with everyone else. He wants to call out, but he is still breathless.
A strange language spills from Merlin's mouth and Arthur listens in confusion. He wonders if he hit his head hard enough to hallucinate. But as Merlin talks, the great dragon lowers his head, seeming to bow to his servant.
Arthur blinks, fighting unconsciousness. The image is still there. Fear fills him in that moment, fear of this man who holds such power over a magical beast, fear that this man, his trusted servant and friend, has hidden such a large secret from him all this time.
As the dragon bows before Merlin, Arthur watches his servant lift a spear from the ground. Then another voice echoes through the clearing.
"I am the last of my kind, Merlin. Whatever wrongs I have done, do not make me responsible for the death of my noble breed." Arthur is convinced now he is imagining things. It can't be possible that the dragon speaks.
Arthur tries sucking in more air, blinks to clear his vision, and though he finally inhales enough to fill his lungs, the sight before him does not change. Merlin thrusts the sword into the air and the dragon rears back, a high-pitched roar advertising its fear. But his servant does not make contact. In fact, he can see the emotion shaking Merlin's shoulders. He is half sure tears would be filling Merlin's eyes.
As Merlin's hand shakes where it holds the spear, he shouts, in their native tongue again, "Go! Leave! If you ever attack Camelot again, I will kill you!" And the dragon bows his head.
Arthur hears the tremble of Merlin's voice as he drops the spear to the ground, "I have shown you mercy. Now you must do the same to others." The dragon is still bowed to Merlin's will.
Arthur watches, still amazed and terrified all at once. This man, his bumbling servant, obviously possesses great power, greater than anything Arthur has ever seen. He is terrified by it. And yet, the man before him still possesses the compassion he knows Merlin to have. Not only that, but that same servant is clearly more brave than Arthur ever realized and fiercely loyal to Camelot. Pride mixes with the terror.
The dragon's voice once more fills the air. "Young warlock, what you have shown is what you will be. I will not forget your clemency. I'm sure our paths will cross again."
The beast lifts his wings and propels himself into the air. As he disappears into the sky, Arthur finally manages to lift his head, gasping at the pain and relief that the dragon has gone. Merlin spins to face him.
For the moment, Arthur will pretend he didn't see. He's curious what Merlin will say. "What happened?" He asks, pushing himself up onto his elbows.
With emotion in his voice, Merlin tells him, "You dealt him a mortal blow."
"He's gone?"
"Yeah," Merlin says, a light laugh lifting the corners of his mouth. "You did it."
Though Arthur knows the story is false, the result is essentially the same. The dragon is gone. He allows himself a relieved laugh and drops onto his back. No matter the way it happened, Arthur's relief is real. He and Merlin share relieved grins. For the moment, he will allow Merlin to keep his secret. Arthur is in no shape to have the conversation they clearly need to have.
Later, he promises himself. As Merlin helps him to his feet, he slings his arm around the man's shoulders. Later.
After Camelot honors its lost knights the following day, Arthur tells Merlin to bring up his dinner and to bring enough for two. Merlin gives him a strange look, but nods his understanding. He probably thinks Arthur is inviting a special guest, but the less he knows, the less time he has to come up with a lie. It bothers Arthur that Merlin deceives so easily. He'd always thought the man a poor liar, but last night revealed a lot.
Arthur goes to his rooms, still moving more slowly than usual given the battering his body took. He eases himself into a chair at the table and sighs. He leans back and rests his head, waiting for Merlin to return.
After a while, he hears a clatter outside his door and Arthur shifts into a better position. Merlin enters the room with a tray laden with food, plates, and drink, pushing the door shut behind him as he comes to set the table. He sets out the food in a nice display and arranges two plates with goblets.
When he steps back, nodding approval at his own arrangement, Arthur hides a smirk. "Take a seat Merlin."
Merlin shoots him a questioning look. "Er. Sire?" He acts as if Arthur has lost his mind.
"Do as I say, Merlin." Arthur says, gesturing at the open seat. "Join me for dinner."
"Er, right. Right, okay." Merlin agrees, still shooting him weird looks as he moves around the table to the chair.
The first minutes are awkward. They don't usually eat together unless they're eating around a fire in the woods. Merlin waits for Arthur to take what he wants, then takes a little for himself.
"Don't pretend to be shy, Merlin. You regularly take food from my plates." Merlin makes an offended face, and then shrugs, knowing he's caught. Arthur has never really minded that Merlin takes little bits of cheese or grapes or bread from his plates when Arthur's not looking. It's not like he doesn't get enough. The acknowledgement seems to open Merlin up a bit, and the young man begins eating, taking slightly more for himself than he had before.
They eat in silence for the most part, and Arthur knows Merlin is wondering what he's doing here. After his last bite, he sips from his goblet and leans back in his chair. Merlin shifts his gaze up, seeming to sense a change in the atmosphere.
"It meant a lot that you were willing to fight by my side, Merlin."
Merlin seems to hesitate, but meets Arthur's eyes. Some of the emotion from yesterday's conversation returns. "I am proud to serve at your side, my lord." It's rare for Merlin to say the title seriously, but Arthur can tell the words are sincere. He has no doubt Merlin means every word.
"And why is that?" He is prompting, pushing for answers because he wants to understand what this powerful dragonlord – and that must be what he is if he was able to command the dragon in such a way – is doing serving royalty in a kingdom that outlaws magic.
Merlin gives him a quizzical look. "You are a strong leader, Arthur. You genuinely care for your people and do whatever it takes to be what they need, even when it hurts your pride." They both remember Anhilda and the unicorn. "You would have given your life for me on that beach, but I would gladly do the same for you. Perhaps I shouldn't, but I consider you a friend."
Arthur is taken aback, a bit breathless with how honorable Merlin is. And yet, his friend, and he does consider him a friend, has lied to him for all these years. "Perhaps you shouldn't," Arthur acknowledges and he sees Merlin's face fall, "but I am guilty of the same sentiment." Merlin's gaze darts to his once more, a pleased smile quirking his lips. "Which is why, I can't help but wonder why you've kept such important secrets from me all this time."
Merlin's expression shifts rapidly to discomfort and panic, throat bobbing in a thick swallow. "I don't know what you mean, Arthur."
"I'm sure you do, Merlin." Merlin scrambles for an answer, but Arthur continues. "I'm quite sure you are far more capable than you've ever led me to believe. So powerful you may possess the ability to control dragons."
Arthur watches Merlin's face carefully. Merlin closes his eyes, knowing he's caught, and seems to steel himself for Arthur's judgment. The prince doesn't look away. "So? What do you have to say for yourself?"
Merlin opens his eyes, meeting the piercing gaze of his prince head-on. "Arthur, sire, I – I never meant for you to find out this way." His servant looks gutted and it helps just a little bit that he is not being defensive, but instead looks upset. "I always planned to tell you…I wanted to tell you. But I could never work up the courage. I've been selfish and cowardly."
Arthur cuts him off. "So don't be either of those things anymore. Tell me, Merlin."
"Right. Uh, right." Merlin is flustered, fighting tears, and unsure of where to look. Finally, he makes himself meet Arthur's eyes. "I have magic, Arthur." He pauses, seeing Arthur breathe in deeply through his nose at his admission, but Arthur doesn't react any more strongly. He keeps an expressionless mask in place as much as he can. "I am magic," Merlin adds.
Arthur's brow furrows, the words taking him by surprise. "What does that mean?"
"It means I was born with it. I've been able to move objects with just a thought since before I could talk. It's instinct, a part of me so deeply ingrained, that to neglect it is to condemn myself to death. I cannot ignore it, Arthur, or stop using it. It's as much a part of me as my hands and feet."
Arthur looks surprised, but not forgiving. Not yet, at least. "And still you lied to me."
Merlin looks to the floor, deeply shamed. "Yes. I have never lived without fear of being found out, Arthur, knowing it would likely be my death sentence. But even still, there hasn't been a day since our friendship began that I haven't wanted to tell you."
"So why didn't you?" The words come out sharply, accusingly. Arthur is finally expressing some of the anger he has built up at learning this secret.
Merlin presses his lips together and swallows harshly. "I didn't want to put you in the position of having to order my death." Merlin wipes at a tear, looking at the floor. "And even if I'd dared to hope you wouldn't expose me, how could I ask you to keep a secret like that from your father?" He darts a glance at Arthur's face before looking away. "I thought the best-case scenario might be banishment if you could not bring yourself to have me killed, and I could not bear the thought of even that. I feared having to leave your side, what it would mean for you, for Camelot. And I didn't want to leave you."
"You think I would have you killed?" Arthur is both horrified by the thought and angry that his friend would think him capable of such a thing.
"It's one possibility." Merlin shrugs one shoulder. "It is treason to do what I can do."
Somehow the anger Arthur was feeling just fades. He should be angry, but seeing Merlin's reaction, the pain he suffers having to keep himself a secret, Arthur can't hold onto the emotion, not completely. "It is," Arthur agrees, and when Merlin's eyes shoot to his, he continues. "And simultaneously I have never seen such bravery or loyalty in the defense of Camelot."
Merlin's eyes widen, disbelief plain on his face.
"Merlin, I'm angry you lied to me. I admit, I feel betrayed that you would keep something of this magnitude from me, especially when I've shared my own doubts and hardships with you, but I can also understand the necessity." He watches as tears cloud the corners of Merlin's eyes. "If you can swear never to lie to me about your magic again, I will keep your secret, Merlin."
Merlin is frozen upon hearing Arthur's words. He's dreamed of this conversation so many times and never fully allowed himself to imagine this outcome.
"I swear it. Thank you, sire." Again, he says the title with sincerity rather than sarcasm, and Merlin's whole body sags, pure relief flooding through him. His prince, his friend, his destiny, knows of his secret and is willing to protect it, protect him.
"I do have questions, however."
Merlin smirks. "Of course, sire." And he allows just a hint of sarcasm into his tone this time. They're not quite back to normal, but he can sense that the tension has passed. Arthur is hurt, but willing to learn, and he admitted he considers Merlin a friend. It's more than Merlin ever hoped for. "What would you like to know?"
"Everything," Arthur says, a challenge in his tone.
Merlin bows his head once. "Shall I start at the beginning?"