Merlin does start at the beginning. He tells of his mother's letter to Gaius and the execution the day of his arrival. He tells of a prat he challenged in the lower town and how he used magic to fight him. Arthur can't contain himself on that one. "I knew something was off about that fight! I tripped over my feet! I don't trip over my own feet!" Merlin can't help but laugh at that, giving his prince a shrug.
He tells of first meeting the great dragon and about learning he and Arthur were two sides of the same coin, fated by destiny to unite Albion. Arthur raises his eyebrows at that.
He tells of the witch impersonating Lady Helen and how he saved Arthur's life that first time. He explains his outrage at having to serve the royal prat he'd only just met and disliked immediately as a reward. "You know, I wasn't thrilled either!" Arthur returns, folding his arms over his chest. Merlin chuckles.
He tells of how he used magic to expose Sir Valiant, and how he used magic right in front of both Arthur and Morgana to defeat the afanc. He tells how he knew the goblet gifted to Arthur was poisoned and that he knew it was worth drinking from if it saved Arthur's life. Arthur's brow furrows at that. "I hate that you view our lives so unequally." And then, "It was you who guided me through the caves wasn't it? When I went to retrieve the Mortaeus flower."
Merlin offers a shrug. "I was unconscious. Gaius told me later I was talking about you in my sleep like I could see you, that I held a glowing orb of light."
"It was you! Even unconscious you're saving my life."
Merlin smiles. "Apparently." And so he continues, telling of the lance he enchanted for Lancelot to kill the griffin, the enchanted beetles used by the vengeful physician to infiltrate the court of Camelot, how Arthur was enchanted to fall in love with the sidhe girl and almost drowned as a sacrifice.
He tells story after story until his voice is hoarse. But Merlin keeps talking. If he allows himself to stop, he's not sure how he will continue. He tells about the troll that became Uther's wife, of Freya and his grief, the deceit of the visiting king and Arthur's enchanted love for the Lady Vivian. He tells of the magic crystal stolen from Camelot and finally brings himself to talk about the Knights of Medhir. The stories involving Morgana are perhaps the hardest.
With tears in his eyes and hitched breath, Merlin explains how the sleeping spell was linked to Morgana because of her ties to Morgause, that she had agreed to bring the downfall of Camelot. He tells Arthur how he had to poison Morgana to get rid of the sleeping spell's source and that he knows Morgana left willingly. Merlin admits how he feels his choices led to her turn, that he feels guilty for not telling her the truth and showing her she was not alone. Arthur blinks back tears, but reassures him that each person is responsible for their own choices. They sit in silence for a few minutes after that.
And still he is not done. Now Merlin has one last story to tell. He must admit that he freed Kilgharrah and unleashed death over Camelot.
Merlin clears his throat and stares at the tabletop. "If you remember," he says, voice tight, "I told you I went to the great dragon for help many times, but he would only help this last time for a price."
A quick glance tells him Arthur knows he won't like what's coming. "What price?" He whispers.
"His freedom," Merlin admits, closing his eyes.
"You! You did this?" Arthur demands, jumping to his feet.
Merlin jerks his chin down once, a nod. "He wasn't going to help me defeat the Medhir army or end the spell. You were on the verge of collapse and I was succumbing to its power too. My magic could only hold out so long. If you were to live and Camelot remain free, I had to be able to stop it."
"But you freed…that monster!"
Merlin's eyes flash open. "It was that or watch you die, and Camelot along with you!"
Arthur staggers back under the force of Merlin's words and drops back into his chair.
"I didn't know at the time that he would seek revenge on all of Camelot. I'm sorry, Arthur."
"Fine. Fine. You freed him and you're sorry. Why didn't you send him away as soon as he was free? You clearly had the ability last night."
Merlin swallows heavily. "Balinor."
"Balinor, what?"
"We had to find the last dragonlord. Only he could help us."
"But he died. We both know this. So how is it that you, Merlin, were able to command the dragon?" Arthur is losing his patience.
"Balinor was…my father." Arthur's eyes widen in surprise and he refrains from saying anything. Merlin is grateful. "When he…died…his power passed to me, his son."
"I thought you didn't know your father."
"I didn't. Gaius only told me because he felt I should know if we were going to find him. You have no idea how angry I was that he and my mother kept that information from me. I got to know him for such a short time."
"I'm sorry, Merlin."
Merlin gave him a sad smile. There was nothing to be done. "So last night, when we went to fight, I used that power to end it all. Kilgharrah shall never bring harm to Camelot again."
"I suppose Camelot owes you her thanks many times over."
"I never wanted thanks," Merlin tells him.
"No, you didn't, did you? You just wanted to keep me alive."
"Yes."
Arthur swallows heavily, seeming to make a decision. "Well, thank you, Merlin. There are certainly choices I don't agree with, and I can't say some of it doesn't infuriate me…but I can't fault you for wanting to protect me and all of Camelot."
Merlin bows his head under the acceptance. He expected the anger, but he's beyond grateful that Arthur has allowed him to explain himself. It's more than he ever dreamed he would get.
With their conversation seemingly at a close, eyes heavy with exhaustion, Merlin reaches for the dishes, intending to clean up. He should give Arthur space.
Arthur stops him with a hand to his wrist. Merlin meets his eyes, curious about what more there could be. "You have no other secrets?"
Merlin's heart pounds, thinking wildly about what else Arthur might have seen that he had not explained. He can't come up with anything. "Er, no. You know everything now about my magic."
"And outside your magic?"
"I don't follow," Merlin says, hoping Arthur doesn't mean what he thinks Arthur means. He had hoped the prince forgot about his words yesterday. He hadn't meant them to slip out.
Arthur gives him an almost annoyed look. "Before we left to fight the dragon, you said something."
Merlin's cheeks tint and his eyes grow guarded once more. Why couldn't Arthur leave it alone?
"Your words held more meaning than you shared at the time. I'd like to know what you were talking about. What don't I understand about how you feel?"
And there it is. His words come back to bite him. "I've already told you I consider you a friend, Arthur. I wasn't sure it was my place at the time."
"And that's it."
"Uh, yes, sire." Merlin's eyes dart from Arthur's face, down to the table, and back again.
"You're lying!" Arthur accuses, pointing a finger, voice pitching upwards.
"I'm not!"
"You most certainly are! I can tell, you know. You get a shifty look about you. What are you hiding?"
Merlin grimaces and keeps his eyes down. "Nothing you want to hear, sire, I can assure you."
Arthur considers his servant and friend. He knows what the words had sounded like the day before. He'd never dared allow himself to hope Merlin might return any of his feelings.
"Let me be the judge of that, Merlin."
"Please don't ask me to bare the last of my soul tonight."
"Why are you still holding back? After everything?"
"Because nothing can come of it!" Merlin shouts, eyes flashing. "My lord." He adds. "Nothing can ever come of what you're asking me to explain. Please. Please, just let it go."
Gods, this man is stubborn. Arthur leans toward his friend. "And again, Merlin, I ask you to let me be the judge of that."
"Why are you pushing this?" Merlin is near tears now, voice trembly and high. After tonight, he will have nothing left of himself, scraped raw and bare.
"Because I want you to be honest with me, fully honest, for once in your life." Merlin reels back as if hit. Arthur wonders if he pushed too hard, but he's done with the secrets. After today, there will be no more lies or hidden anything between them.
"I have been as honest with you as I felt was safe, sire. Until now, I believed I would be putting my life on the line if you were to know my secret. And now you know. That is the most important thing you can know about me."
Arthur nods. "I thank you for finally sharing it with me. You can trust me with it, just as you can trust me with everything. I'm asking you to be honest about another part of yourself Merlin. I could sense you had more to say earlier."
He can see Merlin is at a breaking point. He feels awful, and yet, he wants the full truth. Merlin's eyes overflow, his hands whipping up to scrub the tears away. "What more do you want? You already know of my loyalty and my care for you. You know of my magic and how I have used it to keep you safe." He drags in a shaky, almost hysterical breath, voice cracking. "What good will knowing of my love for you do, sire?"
Merlin raises his eyes and sees Arthur is looking back at him, astonished. Merlin doesn't know if Arthur really didn't know or if he just didn't expect him to say it, but there's some satisfaction in Arthur's shock.
Except now he's laid bare and there's no way to hide. "Merlin," Arthur whispers, and Merlin shoves himself to his feet, his chair tumbling backwards as he heads for the door. He is panicked and can't think beyond his need to flee.
As his hand grips the handle to pull the door open, Arthur steps into his path, pushing it closed again. "Where are you going, Merlin?" There is a hint of Arthur's usual sarcasm, overlaid with annoyance.
"And stay to be mocked?" Merlin asks, yanking again at the door. He doesn't know what satisfaction Arthur gets from knowing this, but he can't, won't, be mocked for this.
"Why must you make everything so difficult?" Arthur asks, admonition in his tone.
Merlin shakes his head and glances at Arthur's face before darting his eyes back to the floor, to his hand still on the door handle, embarrassment combining with confusion. His prince doesn't sound mocking, just annoyed.
"I don't understand."
"Of course you don't! Because you don't bother to listen! Merlin, would you look at me?" His tone is harsh, but when Merlin dares to meet his gaze, he sees his prince's blue eyes are soft, open in a way they aren't very often.
"Merlin," Arthur says again, moving his hand from the door to Merlin's shoulder. The hand squeezes, then gradually slides up the side of his neck, coming to a stop when it's cupping his jaw.
Merlin sucks in a breath, lashes fluttering. "Merlin," Arthur whispers, "I have hardly allowed myself to hope you might return my feelings...until yesterday." Merlin's eyes lock onto Arthur's, still disbelieving, but wanting so very much for the words to be true. Arthur's mouth lifts in a small smile. "At times I thought there was a chance, the way we'd catch each other's eyes or a touch would linger too long, but then you'd joke or laugh in a way that made everything seem perfectly normal and I would think myself crazy once again. Merlin," Arthur repeats his name like a prayer, fingers curling into the hair at Merlin's nape.
"Arthur?" Merlin's voice is a question. Their eyes catch and hold, Arthur's so blue and open and Merlin can't believe he never noticed the love in them before. Because there's no other way to describe the look he's getting right now. His fingers grip the hem of Arthur's shirt and curl, pulling him closer. "Kiss me," he whispers.
"Gladly," his prince breathes back, and then firm lips are upon his and Merlin's head is swimming. He clutches Arthur closer to him by the fabric of his shirt, stepping forward so their chests press together, and then his fingers are grasping at solid hips, bunching the shirt fabric even more as he tugs and pulls Arthur more firmly against him.
The kiss is all consuming, a fire in his veins that spreads through his whole body. He never imagined this was possible. Arthur, his Arthur, holding him, kissing him. As Arthur's tongue pushes past his lips, Merlin whimpers. Their bodies are closer than they've ever been and Merlin still wants him closer. He steps back and turns, pulling Arthur with him, so his back is plastered to the door, Arthur to his front.
Arthur smiles into the kiss, and trails a hand down the back of Merlin's thigh. When it's just above his knee, the prince tugs and Merlin helps hook his leg around Arthur's, their hips aligning. It's perfect and overwhelming, and Merlin only wants more. When he can't breathe anymore, he breaks the kiss and tilts his head to the side, gasping for air. Arthur just moves his mouth to Merlin's jaw and down his neck, sucking kisses into his skin.
"Arthur," Merlin pleads, unsure exactly what he's asking for, just wanting more, more. He closes his eyes as pleasure zings through him, utterly happy and contented.
"Merlin," he hears. He turns his face back to Arthur's, seeking his lips. He gets a kiss, but then, "Merlin," this time with more force.
"Hmm?" He nuzzles into Arthur's neck.
"Look, Merlin."
Merlin forces his eyes open to slits and bites his lip, then snaps them fully open when the sight before him registers.
The room had long ago dimmed with only a few candles lit and the fire burning low in the hearth. Now the room is cast in a bluish glow. "What?"
Arthur's eyebrow is raised. "It's coming from you, little sorcerer."
Merlin shoots him a dark look and then pushes Arthur away, not far, just enough to give himself space to think. "My magic has never done anything like that before."
Even as he says the words, the light is dimming. "Hmm," Arthur murmurs, then steps closer, kissing Merlin softly. The light flares back to life. "Seems your magic is pleased when I'm near."
"As if your ego needed any more fuel," Merlin mutters, kissing Arthur again, arms slung over his shoulders and behind his neck.
When they break for air again, Arthur whispers, "Do you think it will always do that?"
"Mmm, I hope not," Merlin murmurs. "'S likely to get us into trouble if it does."
Then Arthur's lips are claiming his again and Merlin doesn't have another coherent thought for a long time.
When they finally pull away from each other, their lips are swollen and both are breathless. Merlin's head thunks against the door behind him, his chest heaving in breaths of air. Arthur tucks his forehead into Merlin's shoulder and then squeezes his arms tighter, pulling them closer together.
"Come to bed with me," Arthur whispers and then lifts his head, meeting Merlin's surprised eyes.
"Are you sure?"
"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it, Merlin. Please."
"There's nothing I want more right now," he admits. So Arthur reaches out and turns the lock in the door, then spins them away from it, tugging Merlin with him to the bed. They kick off their boots and climb onto the bed, laying on the pillows and just staring at each other. It seems neither can believe they are actually here.
Merlin reaches out with one hand and traces the contours of Arthur's face, his strong brow, down his jaw, his nose, cheekbones, finally a thumb over his lips. Arthur kisses the pad of his finger and then grabs his wrist, pulling him closer. Merlin goes easily and eagerly opens to Arthur's mouth.
Passion seems to ignite and it's almost dream-like how they come together. Clothes are discarded. Hands are gentle as they explore. There are endless sighs and moans of delight, little tremors and gasps as they each wring immeasurable pleasure from the other. Their bodies move together in the early morning hours as if they've always done so.
And when they fly over the edge, it's like actually taking flight, pleasure sweeping through their bodies like wind through the trees, blue light flaring bright and blinding through the room. They cling tight to one another, lips pressed feverishly together, and when it ends, they collapse, blue light fading and leaving them in the muted glow of the fire.
As they settle into the pillows, Merlin can't stop staring at Arthur's profile. Arthur has such strong features, and right now they are lit up, a euphoric smile on his lips, eyes bright and glowing with happiness. A breathless laugh escapes him and then his prince is turning toward him, hands reaching. His fingers curl around Merlin's hip and he laughs too, tilting his forehead into Arthur's.