A/N: For the anon who told me to grow a thicker skin, I'm good. My issue isn't with people commenting on my writing, the issue is with how some of you think a trauma survivor (especially a sexual assault survivor) should react and on what time table. There's nothing logical about trauma and response to trauma. You can go in and out of it and it shows up in unexpected ways. I shouldn't have to say that, but I apparently must. So again, if the pace isn't to your liking and you're wondering why Olivia is responding the way she is, stop reading. If you're looking for more clarity, go do some research on PTSD in sexual assault survivors. - Key
Fitz didn't know why he was so concerned with Olivia Pope. She'd been nothing more than a flash in the pan to him. Someone who'd stomped her way into his life and left without so much as a goodbye. All anyone had to offer as explanation for her disappearance was that perhaps she couldn't hack it. Yale was a ferociously competitive school. Not everyone survived. Except that didn't make sense. Olivia was, without a doubt, the smartest in their cohort. She was the first to raise her hand; the first to give an answer; the first to fight her way to the top.
Then she was gone; like smoke dissipating in the air. Nearly six years later she was back. Or rather he was back. They were back in one another's orbit and she wouldn't so much as say hello to him. Each time their paths crossed, she looked like she wanted to throw up. He suspected she had at one point. What had he done to her that was so revolting? He dug through his law school memories, trying to connect the dots, but all he had was a day and a name. Jake and Halloween?
God how he wished a lightbulb would go off in his damn head already. Either that or maybe he could just disappear this damn time. Except this time he was looking to prove himself. Looking to make a name for himself outside of his father's shadow, to prove to his two year old daughter who blabbered on incoherently on the floor in front of him that her father was someone. He sighed, shutting the laptop in front of him. He was at home in his two bedroom apartment, balancing work and fatherhood. Mellie had long since walked out on him and Karen once she realized that Fitz's aspirations weren't politics, but legal - and eventually - philanthropic. Balancing Karen, a move from New York to D.C., and work was proving fateful. Adding his offense to Olivia Pope on top of it was proving tedious.
"Your dad is a big ol' butt, Kare Bear," Fitz spoke.
Across from him, Karen picked up her bright yellow Fisher Price phone and toddled towards him. She was shaping up to be a bit pigeon toed, but he loved her nonetheless. "Bone, dad."
"No, that's a phone. Say it with me FO-NE." He watched as Karen blew bubbles in an attempt to mimic him. "I know, it's a weird word to me, too. It starts with a PH but sounds like a F…"
Karen tilted her head, her thick brows raising in confusion. She pouted her lips, trying to make the sound, but more spit bubbles came out instead, prompting a smile from Fitz. At least Karen still liked him. She held out the phone between her pudgy fingers. Fitz reached for it and held it up to his ear, ready to take the imaginary call. He held it up to his ear and called out an exaggerated hello, but Karen had already moved on. Her brown eyes locked on a shape tower and she was gone. Fitz tossed the phone onto the couch and moved to open his laptop once again, but stopped.
"Kare Bear, you're definitely right. I have a phone. Let me use it and stop being a butt." He stood, walking over to the lounge chair where he'd thrown his briefcase after trying to balance a fit throwing Karen and his stack of case files. He found his phone tucked beneath a set of outlines for the contract he and Olivia were to draw up. He scrolled through the phone for a brief moment, finding the name Jake.
The phone rang thrice before Jake's familiar voice came over the line. "Grant, you sorry son of a bitch, how's D.C. treating you?"
"Interestingly," Fitz shoots back. He chuckles slightly. "It could be better, though. Could probably be a lot worse. How are you and Elizabeth holding up in New York?"
"Well, she's settling in on eight months tomorrow and if I even breathe too loud, she's ready to shove a sock down my throat."
Again, Fitz chuckled. "Shouldn't have knocked her up."
"I can say the same, how's my Goddaughter?"
Fitz looked over to find Karen trying to stick her hand in a star cut out. "She's adjusting well. I think she might love her daycare teacher more than me. I should probably be jealous."
"Probably, but you're easy to forget."
"As much as I'm enjoying shooting the shit,"
"Shit!" Karen announced from across the room.
"No, Kare Bear, no. You don't say shit," Fitz chided.
"Shhhhhit."
Jake laughed. "Ah, you're going to have a bunch of pissed off moms out for your ass tomorrow."
Fitz rolled his eyes. Karen was like a sponge. He never knew what she was picking up or when she was listening. "Yeah, don't remind me. Whatever. Look, do you remember Olivia Pope?"
"I haven't heard that name in a minute, but I remember. Why?"
"I work with her now."
"She still got a tongue like broken glass? God she knew how to cut someone down." Jake laughed. "You still hung up on her?"
Fitz cringed. "I wasn't hung up on her."
"I'm the last person to lie to, buddy. You know damn well you're still mad that I got there before you."
A strong urge to toss his phone across the room threatened to overwhelm Fitz, but he shoved it off with an almost inaudible grunt. "I'm not mad."
"How many times do we have to do this? She was all over me, man. Hands down my pants, begging me for it. I didn't know you were trying to be a thing with her. Had I, I would've shut it down."
Fitz's jaw tightened. He thought back to the night he walked in on Olivia and Jake. He'd had a couple drinks too many and between Mellie hanging on his arm and hearing Olivia moaning beneath Jake, he was happy he couldn't remember the finite details. All he could remember for sure was Mellie being adamant that they got upstairs right then and there. "Wait, wasn't that Halloween?"
"Maybe. I don't remember - oh wait. I think it was. Olivia had on mouse ears. I remember seeing them when she pushed me down on the bed."
"I get it, you slept with her. You charmed her damn pants off, I don't need any of the details."
"Sure about that?" Jake laughed.
Fitz didn't have to be in front of Jake to know he was smiling. They'd been competing the majority of their lives, both officially and unofficially. Grades, cars, and girls. They'd both seen Olivia and they'd both expressed interest. In hindsight, Fitz felt foolish to think just because Olivia had saddled up next to him when it came to studying that she'd want him in the end.
"Oh fuck off."
"Fuoff!" Karen yelled.
"Karen, can you pay attention to daddy when I actually want you to and not when you hear bad words come out of my mouth?" Fitz asked, eyes rolling.
"Look, I'm sorry I slept with Olivia. I wasn't looking for her, I was looking for the bathroom. She just came onto me and I'd had a few to drink. I should've stopped her, but I didn't. You probably won out in the long run. Rumor always was that she was a social climber and future gold digger." Jake answered.
Something about his friend's cavalier tone didn't sit right with Fitz. He ran his short nails through his muddled curls, scratching his scalp along the way. "Did something else happen with Olivia? She told me to ask you what's wrong with her." He asked. "She's not a gold digger. Or a social climber, either. Olivia was always the epitome of integrity."
Jake took a sharp breath on the other end of the phone. "She didn't tell you, did she?"
"Tell me what?" The confusion in Fitz's tone was evident. "Hell, I think the last time I saw her was Christmas. Or Thanksgiving our first year. Last time I spoke to her… I don't even know." He racked his brain, trying to force his mind back to his first year of law school. So much shit had happened since. His head felt clouded. Something like a hoarder.
"Apparently she'd been using you to get to me. After we slept together at Penelope's, she asked me out. She thought we could be a thing. Could you imagine what my parents would've said had I come home with her on my arm? I told her I'd already quenched my Jungle Fever and that it'd never happen."
Fitz's stomach dropped. He frowned, feeling like a kid who'd just had a lollipop ripped away from him. He tried to run back his time with Olivia in his head; tried to recall if she'd ever made a pass at Jake while with him. The harder he tried to remember, the less he was able. But Jake wouldn't lie to him. Why would he? They'd been life-long friends. Hell, their families owned several time-shares.
"She's probably still pissed that I kicked her to the curb. Is she taking it out on you? I'm sorry, man. Look, I'll be in D.C. next week for work. I can stop in and clear the air with her. Maybe she'll stop kicking you in the ass then?"
"Yeah, I guess. Hey, I'm going to give Karen a bath and get to some contract work." Fitz suddenly felt the need to hang up. He was a punched puppy and something still didn't feel like it was adding up.
"Yup, bud. I'll catch you later. Tell Kare Bear Uncle Jake loves her."
"Bye." Fitz hung up, effectively cutting Jake off. Something was still off. Olivia couldn't have run out of a meeting because Jake hurt her pride. "Come on, Karen. Bath time and then we're ordering pizza!"
"Pitha!" Karen squealed.
He was nearly an hour and a half early to work the next day. His plan was to get in, get his mock-up contract on Olivia's desk before she arrived and wait for an email. He wasn't going to force her into being in a room with him. She wanted her space from him and it was his place to understand that. Even if her rejection hurt. Again.
Her office door was cracked when he reached it. He knocked, waiting to hear her voice. When no one responded, he pushed the door open and walked in, setting the mock-up on her desk. He turned to make his great escape, but stopped as he caught sight of a photo on the edge of her desk. It was of Olivia in her JD gown, standing in between two people he assumed to be her parents. Behind them, a Georgetown banner waved. So she'd left Yale for Georgetown. He smiled softly. Bittersweet.
"Why are you in my office?"
Fitz looked up to find Olivia standing in her office door. "I'm sorry, I just wanted to give you my mock up and get out of your hair."
"Get out." Her voice was flat.
"Right." He moved towards the door and she backed away, into the hallway. He walked past her and she nearly ran into her office.
"I'll get any changes that need to be made later," she said, hand on her doorknob.
He nodded and took a couple of steps towards his office but stopped. His eyes darted around the office, taking in the fact that minus maybe two other attorneys, they were alone. Against his better judgement, he doubled back to find her office door closed. Raising his hand, he knocked. Several beats passed before Olivia opened the door.
"Can we talk? Please. I did something to you, Liv, and I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what. Please. Help me." He hated how his voice sounded. How much he was pleading. Begging. His eyes met hers. He could see unshed tears glistening her eyes. "Please."
"Please leave me alone."
"I can't. I don't care if you were using me to get to Jake, I don't care if -"
"What did you just say?"
"You were trying to use me to get to him and I get it. Halloween -." he struggled with his words, trying to sort out what he wanted to say; what he was trying to say. Clearly he was fucking up. He watched as Olivia's gaze hardened.
She scoffed and propped herself up in the doorway. If looks could kill, he'd be dead. "Using you to get to him? Is that - you." Olivia's eyes darted around the hall. "Is that why you told him he could fuck me?"
Fitz felt like he'd been hit with a two-by-four. His brain spun in one direction and then in another. "I didn't - what the hell are you talking about?"
"Olivia's upstairs, go for it. We're frat buddies, we share everything. Did you bother to ask me if I wanted to screw either of you two? No. Instead you cheered your buddy on as he raped me." Her office door slammed shut. The bang echoed throughout the office.
He ran her words over in his head, trying to make sense of them. The office suddenly felt small. Airtight. He was sandwiched between outrage and disbelief. What the hell had she just said? He tore away from her door and took off for some air.