Chapter 15

"'It's not always about you', that's the best you could come up with?" Christian cries in disbelief. He jumps up and walks in the direction of the kitchen without any particular plan. He spots the bottle of whiskey and is instantly decided.

Bottle and glass in hand, he throws himself back down on the couch. His phone has several missed calls from Roxy. He goes to call her back, but changes his mind.

"What am I doing?" he cries frustratedly. He feels a strong need to do something, but cannot decide on what it should be.

"Go after him," his little voice suggests.

"No, it's over, I can't cope with him ... I can't trust him. He cheated. He has no idea what he wants, what he's doing from one day to the next ..." Christian stumbles to a halt. He pours himself a large glass of whiskey and drinks it in one go.

"How could he do it to me?" he moans, falling back against the cushions. He lifts the bottle to his lips.

"How could that fucker hurt him like that? Poor Syed ..." His breath catches on a sob. He raises the bottle once more, his tears falling unnoticed.

Later that night

"Okay, Okay, I'm coming," Zainab barks, as she bounds down the stairs. "Why am I the only one who ever hears the doorbell in the middle of the night?" she grumbles.

"I need to speak to Sy, Syed," Christian demands with great urgency. "It's very important that I speak to Sy ... ed."

Zainab quickly catches his arm as he begins to tilt forward at a dangerous angle. She manages, with some pushing and pulling, to get him into the hallway and seated on the third step of the stairs. "Do you have any idea ...?" she begins angrily.

"What?" Christian quickly looks up at her, his eyes opening wide, his face filled with expectant wonder at what a tale she might be about to impart.

"Oh, forget it," she snaps. Looking up, she calls out to her son in a voice loud enough to wake him if he were sleeping in a house a few streets away. "Syed, come down here."

"What is it? What's wrong?" Syed appears at the top of the stairs, a look of apprehension on his face.

Christian turns to look up at him. "Sy, I've got something very important to say to you," he announces. He attempts to get up.

"Sit," Zainab barks, and he does.

"You have?" Syed responds with a hesitant smile.

"Yes."

"So, get on with it, some of us have work in the morning," Zainab orders.

"I've come to tell you that I should never have said that it's not all about you, and I want to say I'm sorry. It was an unfair thing to say, and I honestly didn't mean it. I was upset because of what you'd just told me about ..."

"Thank you," Syed quickly interrupts. "You did have a point, though."

"Is that it?" Zainab cries, "That's what couldn't wait until tomorrow?"

"Yes," Christian solemnly confirms.

"I'll walk you back," Syed offers.

"And who is going to walk you back, home, afterwards?" Zainab demands, and immediately feels bad when her son looks uneasy.

"Fine, fine, we'll all go." She shepherds them out the door and walks back to Christian's flat with one on each side, linking her, like some strict chaperone from days of yore.

"What was all that about?" she asks her son, after they've tucked Christian up in bed and are walking back to the house.

"Oh, nothing, you know how he can get when he's drunk," Syed dismisses.

"You know you can talk to Christian, tell him anything, even about stuff you wouldn't be able to talk to us about ..." she trails off awkwardly.

"I did talk to him, I told him everything, and he walked away," Syed admits miserably.

"Just now, I didn't get the impression he was for walking very far. To be honest, I don't think Christian could ever walk away from you; he has stuck with you through very difficult times, when a lesser man might have given up."

"Mum ..."

"I think it would take something catastrophic, life changing, to make Christian give up on you."

After another few feet

"Why did you cheat on Christian?"

"Because I always have to ruin everything," Syed admits unhappily.

"Do you love him?"

"Yes."

"But you were ... attracted to Nazir."

"Mum, let's not go there," Syed tensely advises. He increases his pace, and she has to rush to keep up with him.

###

The next morning

"You broke up with him?" Tamwar cries as soon as Christian opens the door.

"Hi Tam," he greets wearily. He follows him, as Tamwar marches into the flat and around the sitting room in a state of agitation rare for him.

"What time is it?" He looks at his phone and sees another two missed calls from Roxy.

"It's after ten."

"Oh, I must have slept in."

"According to Mum, you turned up at the house in a disgraceful state in the middle of the night." He mimics his mum's disgusted tone.

"Yea, sorry about that," Christian smiles sheepishly.

"It's fine, you only disturbed mum."

"And Syed," he murmurs.

"Syed doesn't sleep very well these days; I hear him moving about most nights."

"Drink?"

"Hot chocolate, please."

"Really? Isn't it a bit early in the day ...?"

"With cream," Tamwar confirms.

"It's terrible out there," Christian remarks, as he puts a mug of milk in the microwave.

"Rain and wind are a terrible combo," Tamwar agrees. "I'm glad I didn't have far to come. Mum said it's going to get worse this evening and over night."

He makes himself comfortable on the couch. "We've talked so much recently," the thought crosses his mind. "Christian is easy to talk to. I don't know how I would have gotten through the past few weeks without him."

"Here we go," Christian announces his return. He carefully hands him the large glass of hot chocolate overflowing with cream."

"Thanks," Tamwar says, eagerly taking a long drink. "These really are addictive," he admits.

"If you say so," Christian says doubtfully.

"Do you mind me asking, what happened to the whole forever kind of couple?"

"I couldn't get him to open up about what happened. I had the idea that if he were feeling a bit ... low; if he thought he had nothing left to lose, that he might, somehow ... that it might all just come out."

"And your plan worked?"

"Yes." Christian admits with a heavy sigh. He bows his head and lifts a hand to push a couple of fingers along his forehead in an attempt to ease the tension.

"It was bad."

He nods, a tear sliding down his cheek. "That fucker really hurt him," he admits, his voice choked.

"Tell me," Tamwar demands, his voice shaking with anger.

"No, Tam ..."

"I have a right to know, I need to know."

"It was mainly ... he messed with Syed's head, he ..."

"Did he rape him?" Tamwar asks shakily, tears of helpless anger glisten in his eyes.

"No, it was nothing like that."

"It would explain why he is so on edge, afraid to be alone with anyone, especially any man. He had no marks that I could see, so if they didn't beat him ..."

"No one raped him," Christian insists as convincingly as he can, regretting saying so much.

"What did Nazir do to leave him in such a state?"

"He ... it was mind games ..."

"Christian."

He told the other guys Sy was gay, and one night they were going to rape him."

"Oh my God ..." Tamwar begins, horrified.

"The undercover guy managed to distract them before it went too far; but, he thought ... Syed thought that ... in the moment, he was terrified." Christian breaks off and buries his head in his hands.

Tamwar moves to sit next to him and puts an arm awkwardly around Christian's shoulders, tapping gently. "There, there," he tries to soothe, the way his mother used to do when he was little. "Syed's safe now," he huskily reminds Christian and himself.

He feels sick to think of what happened and what might have happened. He can guess that Christian would have spared him the full story. His heart breaks as he imagines Syed's terror at the time; and later, the feelings of shame and humiliation he knows his brother would have felt. Tamwar brushes away a few tears, but more follow and he is soon sobbing.

It takes a few minutes for both to get their emotions under control.

"We're a fine pair," Christian laughs through his tears. He reaches for the tissues, takes a few and offers the box to Tamwar. There is no awkwardness; it's not the first time they have seen each other cry over the past few weeks.

"Once he'd told you everything, why not tell him you didn't really want to break up," Tamwar finally asks hoarsely.

"Sy didn't hold anything back, he told me he'd been attracted to Nazir, that he really ... The thing is, I didn't realise how tough it would be to hear, to know that he wanted another man."

"But you admitted that you'd neglected him, and that he was no good at telling you how he felt."

"I know," Christian admits miserably.

"So, why not try to work things out?"

"I don't know," he shakes his head dejectedly.

"I see," Tamwar lies. He looks into his glass; the cream has almost melted. He looks towards the fridge ...

"I do love him, and this is tearing me apart," Christian admits huskily.

"So, you keep talking until you both find a way past it."

"Maybe."

###

The next morning

"You won't believe what's happened," Zainab cries in a shocked voice, as she walks in the front door.

"What happened? Tamwar and Masood dutifully ask in wearily-interested voices, whilst giving each other "here she goes again" looks.

"Roxy Mitchell got hit by lightning, of all things. I mean, I know the weather was bad last night, but what terrible luck."

"Is she okay?" Masood asks.

"No, she was burnt to a crisp, apparently. According to Denise, she was really drunk when she left the Vic at around eleven. She wanted to go to a nightclub, and was going around pestering anyone who'd listen to go with her. No one really knows what happened after that, but she ended up passed out on one of the benches in the square. I mean you hear about people getting hit by lightning, but it's usually somewhere on the other side of the world, like ... Orkney."

In her state of morbid excitement, Zainab barely registers Syed rushing past her and out the door.

#

"Christian, Christian, please let me in," he pleads.

"Go away," is the tearful response.

"Please, I just want to see how you are."

Getting no response, he rushes back to the house to search for his key.

#

"How is he?" Zainab asks as soon as he reappears.

"He won't let me in," Syed replies as he rushes up the stairs.

"Would you like one of us to try?" Tamwar suggests when he reappears.

"No, he needs me," Syed calls on his way back out.

#

"Did you not hear me?" Christian cries when he walks into the sitting room.

"Christian, ..."

As Syed approaches, Christian gets up off the couch and backs away. "I don't want you here," he warns.

"Tell me what I can do," Syed asks gently. "Would you like me to call anyone?"

"Get out."

Have you spoken to Jane?

Your clients," he remembers, as Christian abruptly pushes past him. "I'll cancel your appointments for the rest of the week." He goes to log on to Christian's laptop to check his calendar. "Have you been to the Mitchell's? I suppose there won't be an open casket ..."

Christian bangs his bedroom door behind him.

Syed glances up briefly, before his focus returns to the screen.

#

Shortly after

"Syed, hi," Jane greets when he opens the door to let her enter.

"He's gone back to bed. I brought him a cup of tea and some toast."

"Poor thing, this will break his heart," she says mournfully. "I'll go and see him."

"Have you seen Ronnie or Phil? Will they bring the body back to the Vic? Have you heard anything about the funeral?"

"You're in a hurry to get her buried," she notes, her tone stiffening.

"At a time like this, following a ritual helps you cope. Like the rest of Roxy's family, Christian needs to have something to focus on."

The bedroom door opens and Christian comes out.

"Sweetheart, how are you holding up?" Jane asks sympathetically.

"Jane," he whispers, his eyes welling up as soon as he sees her.

"I'm so sorry," she says huskily, going to put her arms around him.

"Would anyone like tea?" Syed asks.

"I don't want him here," Christian moans. "I let her down because of him. I've hardly seen her in weeks. She's been begging me to go out, to spend time with her, but I've been too busy focusing on you," he turns his tortured gaze on Syed. "I've ignored her calls, texts, neglected her because of you. If I'd been with her ..." he breaks off on a sob. "We always looked after each other; if I'd been with her ..." his tears get the better of him once more.

"I'm sorry."

"Get out," he cries hoarsely. He turns away and stumbles towards the couch.

"What can I do?" Syed pleads.

Christian turns to look him square in the eye, his gaze dark with pain and anger. "If you really want to help me, you can go home right now, pack a bag, get on a plane, go as far away as possible and never come back. The thing that would help me most would be to know that I'll never have to set eyes on you again."

"Christian."

"If I'd never met you, Rox would be alive now. She genuinely cared about me, she wanted what was best for me, she could never hurt me. All you've ever done is let me down, break my heart. So, like I said, never having to see you again is the best thing you could do for me. Do I made myself clear?"

Syed nods a couple of times, his eyes shining with tears, his lips pursed together in an attempt to hold back his emotions. He quickly turns and collides with Ian.

"Hey, watch ..." he begins, but stops when he sees the stricken look on Syed's face.

"I didn't realise him and Roxy were so close," he muses, as he watches him rush away.

"Ian, did you come for something in particular?" Jane asks impatiently.

"Oh yea, I spoke to Ronnie, got the address of the funeral home. She said that the Vic will be open from six this evening, and everyone is welcome. I offered to lay on a spread for the wake and after the funeral; at mate's rates, of course."

Jane throws him a searing look, which he completely fails to be bothered about.