AN: I hope everyone's holidays are going well. Super nephew now has three stitches on his chin. Let's be real we all knew it was coming. Niece also poked me in the eye with a mascara wand. I really did miss these two.
I've gotten a few messages asking me if I'm abandoning this story. I am not. It's just an insane time right now - I'm just slower right now because of family obligations.
Consider this part I. I really want to try and do part II from Fitz's POV which is why it ends where it ends.
If she held Curtis's right hand any tighter, she was guaranteed to break it. Her nails dug into his palm and sweat slicked their fingers. Flesh stuck to flesh. Olivia was still uncertain why she'd asked Curtis to come. She didn't think of herself as someone incapable of facing down any problem, but Fitz's resurgence continued to prove her wrong. Yes, Abby was going to be with her, too, but quite frankly, she just didn't feel safe. Whatever he'd done to get Abby to take his side, Olivia wasn't willing to buy into easily. Not only that, but he was now claiming to have been drugged, too?
"I'll knock his teeth in, all you have to do is say the word," Curtis whispered. They sat side by side at Abby's breakfast nook. He squeezed Olivia's hand.
"I don't want to do this." She wasn't one to share her fears with anyone ever, but she was a pressure cooker seconds away from imploding. Plus, Curtis was safe. He'd been so from the beginning. They'd met on a warm fall afternoon. Olivia was doing pro-bono work for an immigration non-profit and Curtis was the translator she'd worked alongside. At first, she'd protested his presence; after all, she was fluent in Spanish, but the longer he sat with her, the more comfortable she was with him. He was genuine, sweet, caring, and handsome. When he'd asked her out; she'd almost refused.
It was hard for her to think of herself as a sexual or sensual person after her assault. It'd made her paranoid; terrified to open herself up. Before Jake, Olivia had issues with letting people in, after was like wading up an ice-covered road in platforms. Futile and energy expending. Curtis was patient. Mostly. Clearly, he'd found his breaking point.
"You don't have to do this. I'll take you home now."
"I need to be able to call bullshit. I don't know why I want to know what he has to say, but I do. If I don't, it'll drive me crazy. It already is. Maybe if I tell him to fuck off face-to-face, he'll quit and I won't have to hear or see his face again," she spoke. The back of her hand ran across nose and she sniffled. Her teas had longed stop, but they'd activated her allergies.
"And if he doesn't?" Curtis asked.
She hadn't thought about that. She'd hoped to appeal to the sense of decency he'd fooled Abby into believing he had. "I don't know. I'll have to quit, then."
"And run away again? If you keep running, you'll never stop. You won't have peace."
"That's not true," Olivia tried. A part of her knew it was, though. She'd spent the last six years tucking parts of herself away and in, trying to control everything.
"Olivia, we both know it is."
Before she had the chance to speak, there was a loud, rapid knock at the door followed by two smaller knocks that didn't sound loud nor high enough as the first set. A cold sweat trickled down Olivia's spine. It was now or never.
Abby appeared at the breakfast nook looking just as frazzled as Curtis. Olivia felt a pang of guilt reverberate around her stomach. This was one of the reasons why she'd stopped telling people what'd happened her to her. The pity that filled their eyes after was never worth it.
"That's him, Liv, what's it gonna be?" Curtis whispered against the shell of her left ear. Abby looked at her, too.
"Let him in."
Abby nodded and disappeared into the next room. A chorus of low – albeit audible – what the hell, Grant could be heard across the room. Olivia tensed even more before Abby's head popped around the corner. "I don't know if we can do this now."
Olivia's face scrunched together in confusion. "No. I'm not. Either now or no."
"Is this bastard chickening out?" Curtis shouted. He jumped to his feet. Olivia gripped his hand tighter. "Can't face what you did? Can't –"
Fitz and a small girl resting on his left hip turned the corner. The girl looked like a porcelain doll. Her lips were a soft pink, her face round, with dark brown hair. She clung to Fitz, head resting on his shoulder. "I didn't chicken out." He growled. "I just didn't have a babysitter. This is my daughter Karen." As he finished speaking, the little girl turned into his arm. Clearly, she wasn't comfortable. "Hi, Livvie."
A long moment passed. Olivia studied Karen, taking in the familiarity of her face. Not only could she pinpoint which parts of Karen's face were Fitz, but by the second she could see Mellie. Unable to stop herself, Olivia's eyes rolled. Of course. Any words she wanted to say, were promptly cut off, however, as Curtis stepped in front of her. "Don't talk to her like you know her."
"I do know her," Fitz hissed.
"Really. From what I understand, you don't. Not at all." Curtis said. Olivia tugged on his hand.
"Who are you?" Fitz asked. Olivia could hear the incredulity in his voice. She thought of how to explain Curtis in a way that made sense.
"Olivia's boyfriend."
"What?" Olivia couldn't stop the word from coming out of her mouth. She peered around Curtis to watch as a fleeting frown fell across Fitz's face.
"That's nice, but I'm not here to speak to you. I'm here to speak to Olivia."
"And you're not doing it alone."
"I don't think that's your decision."
The conversation looked poised to go tit-for-tat. Olivia cleared her throat, ready to intercede, when Abby cleared her throat. "I think everyone here needs to hear from Olivia. Not you two."
The room turned towards her. Olivia's eye drifted to Karen. She still couldn't believe that he had a daughter. He always talked about having kids and now he did. It was bittersweet to think that this could've been – she wasn't going there. It was a no-(wo)man's land.
"I think I agreed to hear you out and this is me trying," Olivia said. Her voice was low, somewhat shaky, and foreign to her own ears. "Abby thinks you're worth hearing. I don't, but I think she's right, if I ever want to get passed what you and Jake," her voice was almost inaudible.
"Livvie, I didn't – I didn't. Please." The pain in Fitz's voice was evident, yet Olivia didn't trust it.
"Don't call me Livvie. It's Olivia to you. Only friends call me Livvie." Her voice was flat. Nearly emotionless.
"We were friends once," Fitz spoke. "I'd like to get back there again."
"You've got a hell of a lot of nerve," Curtis interrupted. "Do you know what you did to her."
"I didn't do it!" Fitz voice boomed off the kitchen walls. In his arms, little Karen flinched.
Olivia's heart tugged towards the little girl. This entire situation was probably terrifying for her. All he wanted to do was comfort her. How sick was that? She wanted to comfort the child of the man who hurt her. "I don't know if this is a conversation that she should be in."
"Abby said you wouldn't want to do this conversation again. I didn't want to miss this chance. I need you to hear me out Liv—Olivia. Please."
She studied his face, her eyes moving from Fitz to Karen. "I don't want her to hear it. She shouldn't have to hear it. She shouldn't have to know anything about it."
Fitz turned his head to look down at Karen. "She'll probably fall asleep in my arms. Plus, she only remembers daddy's bad words."
Olivia tugged on Curtis's hand. "Sit back down. Please." Curtis sat. She gestured towards the opposite seat. "Sit."
Fitz sat. "I don't know where to start, but please. I didn't –" He situated Karen in his arms.
"You're going to listen to me," Olivia whispered. "Penelope's Halloween Party…I didn't sleep with Jake. I didn't come onto him or have some drunken sloppy…." Her throat started to swell. "I didn't. I wouldn't. Why did you tell him I was upstairs? I was up there waiting for you. I wanted to . . .. Why did you tell him he could do that to me?"
"I need you to believe me when I say that I remember maybe 40% of that night. I remember getting there. I remember waiting for you to get there. I wanted to ask you out on a real date. A proper date. I never said any of that to Jake."
Her free hand curled against the tabletop. She had half the nerve to knock him in his mouth. She probably would've had it not been for the cherub cheeked toddler in his arms. "You didn't say anything. He showed me the note –my note – that I gave you. Olivia's upstairs; go for it. "
"What note? I never got any note."
"Bulls—bull. I put it in your outline. I told you that you were someone I could fall in love with and that I wanted to cross that line with you. You handed me over on a fucked-up silver platter. He held me down. Has anyone ever held you down? Do you know what that's like? Do you?" She seethed, her chest heaving. "He held me down and I couldn't even really fight back. I didn't feel like I was in my body. I still don't think I drank that much, but –" It dawned on her then. She hadn't drunk that much. She wasn't a bear drinker and had never been. Penelope ordered kegs to appease the crowd and top shelf liquor didn't flow freely. "You were the last person I took a drink from. Did you – did you put something in my drink?" Her voice was loud, scratchy and threadbare. She jolted upwards. Peering at him. "Did you?"
"No mean!" Karen yelled; pointer-finger outstretched.
Up until that second, Olivia had nearly forgotten about Karen. The anger in her had imploded, curling around her frame until it finally burst. She looked down at the toddler, finger still out and then reluctantly at Fitz. Only realizing then that she hadn't even been staring at him, but rather through him. She blinked several times, focusing in on Fitz's face. Was he…he was crying?
"I just need a minute." Olivia pushed away from the table, past a dumbstruck Curtis and tearful Abby, through the apartment and to the bathroom. The door slammed behind her and she sank to the floor.