Sleep is impossible.
When she lies down, she finds she misses the presence of Tobirama at her side, difficult in a way it never is when one of them is away on a mission.
As she cannot sit still, all night she searches for some way to suppress the chakra growing inside of her without suppressing her own. It proves impossible. She considers writing Mito, but time is short and the hour is late.
It's her suspicion that Tobirama hasn't yet realized only due to the way the baby's chakra feels like theirs, this early on. She pins her hopes on the thought. With any luck or mercy at all, she will get through the meeting with the Senju without being exposed. Half of her waits to see the outcome of it before making any decision on what to do next, the other knows that in truth, she's already made up her mind.
The risk, if she chooses to try and make the baby drop, is lower than proceeding with it in the same way a burn might hurt less from a red flame than blue.
If she keeps it and survives the birth, but peace cannot be kept, her marriage will fall apart alongside it. It would be impossible to keep the parentage a secret, and the thought of her child growing up torn between two clans, expected to fight against one of their parents, is not one she can stomach.
If she keeps it and does not survive the birth—she cannot predict what would happen between her child, her brother and her husband, but she knows there's no scenario in which all three would survive it. Even in a world where they manage to keep the peace, the chances are better, but nowhere near reassuring.
The only world in which keeping the child doesn't prove to end terribly is one wherein she lives—never guaranteed, but close, perhaps, if she has Hashirama's help should something go wrong—and peace is kept. Even then, the thought of bearing her husband a child so soon after all of this feels dangerous. She has already been unwise, taking such risks in the name of something so fleeting as pleasure, she won't be a fool in this, too.
It's barely dawn when she leaves to see the physician. The air is still damp and cool and she knows her brother won't be up, yet. She wants at least the illusion of privacy, in this.
"The risk is great," the woman warns, "the herbs will make the baby fall, but they may take you, as well. The earlier it's done, the better. Each day the danger will grow."
"I understand."
She's tired when she leaves. Anxiety and relief war inside of her and she wishes, now, she'd not spent the night awake.
Kagami waits on the steps when she returns. He seems troubled, a look he rarely wears, though he still smiles when he sees her.
"Izuna sensei!"
"Kagami." There's no difficulty in making her voice go warm, it's always a delight how pleased he is to see any of them. "You've risen even before the sun, are you well?" Kagami looks down at his feet, digging divots in the dirt. She knows enough to see his nervousness.
"Madara says I'm to live with him now. Forever." Izuna's chest feels tight as she remembers the way Tobirama had been hurt when she'd told him as much. Perhaps Kagami had expected the same thing he had. "He says I'll lead the Uchiha when he's gone." Of course, a sensible worry for a sensible boy.
"Does that trouble you?"
"I don't know." It does, of course, it's plain to see. She rests a hand over his shoulder and wonders if it's still so foreign to him to seek comfort in the adults around him.
"We've all been frightened of the future at times, Kagami." He makes a small sound and she knows she's not wrong. After a while, he speaks again and breaks her heart.
"I don't want to fight Tobirama sensei." She is reminded, not for the first time, what it would cost them all if peace cannot be kept. She won't ask how he knows, Kagami is a prodigy, after all, and Madara is not used to having children around.
"Neither do I," she promises. "But if we do, perhaps you'll be the one to make peace in our place." Perhaps it was just too soon. It's an unfair burden to place on his shoulders, but what has the war been for all of them, if not that?
•
Silencing seals have been painted and hung over the walls of Hashirama's home. It's easy to see that his brother does not expect their discussion to be a pleasant one and Tobirama is pleased, in a way, to know he's not being naive.
Izuna and Madara arrive. She looks no less angry than she did outside of the inn. Madara looks as he always looks. Hashirama guides them all to sit.
"Let's not waste our time any further." Izuna has hardly settled when she speaks, looking between them. Is it out of difficulty with the situation that she rushes, he wonders, or is she really so eager to be rid of him. A year's slow-won affections turned to regret in the space of minutes. "You both know what we want and need only to answer."
"I wish it were so simple, but it's not." Hashirama's words are pleading but his tone is firm. "Izuna, I cannot imagine how it must feel to have people know—"
"Hashirama, hold your tongue," Izuna hisses, but the damage is done. Madara looks at him with eyes spinning red. He addresses his sister but his gaze holds Tobirama's.
"I thought their words were just that." Madara looks at Izuna, then, and Tobirama wonders what he might see in his face if he knew him better. If it might help the situation to know what he thinks first. "What have you kept from me, Izuna?"
"You already know, and you knew well enough to assume, even then." The impatience of her tone is familiar. "Quit playing at naivety and focus." Madara flinches and she gives him no room to further pull the discussion from its focus. "Hashirama, I could not care less—" Madara is less inclined to move on.
"Izuna, what did he—" There's anger underlying his tone that feels almost frantic and Tobirama tenses where he sits.
"Madara, this is no one's business but mine." Irritation grows in her voice.
"You said they spoke of blood—"
"Madara—" He turns on Hashirama and if he didn't know it was likely to do more harm than good, Tobirama would not fight his instinct to step between them.
"Did you know of this?" It's plain to see Madara's control thin as he makes the accusation. Tobirama knows there will be no further restraint when his attention reaches him.
"I did, Madara, but—Izuna knew what it would do to the village if you'd found out then—"
"There would be no village—" In the split second before Tobirama means to move, the split second before Madara moves for him, Izuna stands and drags her brother back.
"I would speak to my brother alone."
"Of course," Hashirama allows. Tobirama wants to reach for her but holds himself back. His touch would not be welcomed. Instead, he watches as they leave the room and thinks there's some hope, at least, in the fact that she doesn't allow her brother to attack him. If peace were truly without it, it would make little difference.
•
"If I can keep my head over this, how weak must you be not to?" The door has hardly closed behind them, she grabs Madara's shoulders firmly enough to bruise them. None of them have time for this.
"Izuna, you should be angry." Many feelings play through his voice and she knows he cannot swallow them all. "He violated you and his men gloat on his behalf—"
"How can you act so naive?" Old anger surfaces in her chest. You married me to an enemy, she thinks. What could you have expected when I told you as much would happen. It's Madara's gall to pretend the outcome could have been anything else that truly irks her, but she won't give in to the feeling. "I have been angry and little else for months. That's no excuse to lose sight of why we're here."
"If peace falls apart—if I've put you through all of this for naught—"
"Do not dare let this weaken your resolve." There's truth in the words he spoke before she was married, she knows so now as much as she did then. Madara is a good leader, a capable leader, but his love for her makes him weak. "Why are we here, brother?"
Madara breathes, nods, presses a kiss into her hair. He's composed himself when he pulls away. Still visibly angry, but not so manic as he'd seemed before.
"I lost sight of myself, for a moment."
"I know." She turns to go back, but he holds her arm and when she looks back at him, his eyes are heavy.
"You will tell me if he hurts you again?" It's a question, but it's hardly spoken as one.
"He won't."
"Izuna, do you truly believe—"
"I did not believe a great many things that have already come to pass, Madara. As strange as it may be, I feel safe with my husband. It's his clan I worry about."
•
Even as they wait for Madara and Izuna to return, Hashirama faces the situation with optimism.
"That could have gone much worse, I suspect."
"Some seconds more and we'd have likely brought the building down." He has enough regard for what's at stake he would not strike the first blow, but he feels he could hardly be blamed for retaliating. "I would not say we've begun auspiciously."
"Perhaps not," Hashirama gives, "but Madara did not leap to violence immediately upon learning what happened, nor you to meet him. I am proud, brother. I never expected I'd see you two interact so level-headedly." Only his brother could be so generous.
"Perhaps you should reevaluate your standard for pride."
"Tobirama, must you be so dour?" Hashirama is teasing and he is baffled as he always is by his good humour.
"The situation hasn't become any easier." Frustration bleeds into his voice, he wonders how Hashirama doesn't feel the same. "I do not understand why you refuse to see it for what it is."
"I see it well, Tobirama." His voice has gone more serious, but no less determined. "But have we not already overcome greater conflicts between us? This isn't insurmountable when we all share the same goal."
A small silence falls between them and he breaks it before Hashirama can.
"Have you considered the possibility that Izuna and her brother may be right?"
"You are—you are taking their side?" Hashirama looks far too pleased, given what he's been asked.
"I am speaking to our collective interest. As you've said, we all want peace in the village. It will never last if anyone is permitted to openly encourage such violent sentiments."
"You cannot think they were so serious as to—"
"I am the root of their thinking." He knows how serious they are, beyond any doubt.
"Tobirama," his brother hears the guilt he hardly notes himself, "there was a war, you—"
"I'm not speaking with sentiment, brother. It would always have been difficult to expect cooperation, but I've made it much harder for all of us, Izuna, especially. It's a fact I have no need to hide from."
"I know," Hashirama admits, "I wasn't certain you'd ever fully understand as much. I've been unsure as to whether or not I even truly wanted you to, anymore."
"Why wouldn't you?"
"The only reason could be you've had a change of heart." Hashirama seems unreasonably filled with regret, for someone who isn't at fault. "In which case, it would only pain you to understand what you'd done."
"Many things I've done pain me. Is it not the same for all of us?"
"True enough."
"Do you hear me though, Hashirama?" He cannot let this go. "You see the threat they pose?" Hashirama looks at him more as a leader than a brother, he sees it in the way the lines of his face draw deeper.
"You truly believe they meant what they said?"
"Not for now, perhaps, but nothing remains a joke for long when it's born in such bad blood. An example needs to be made, Hashirama. Quickly and clearly. I know you do not have a stomach for—"
"Needless killing? No, Tobirama, I do not and I will not. I understand that their words could become serious in the future, but we cannot punish people for crimes they've not yet committed."
"Hashirama—"
The door slides open and they both fall silent. Madara returns to his place across from Hashirama. Izuna sits in front of him but she looks to his brother.
•
Izuna was not lying when she told her brother they weren't here over some crass words, but Hashirama's assumption vexes her and she feels she must make clear one thing before they continue.
"Hashirama," she holds his eyes as she speaks, "I am surprised you do not know me well enough by now to know I don't care about the bitter words of drunk men. I'd like to be sure you understand what we're here for."
"Of course," he nods. There is remorse in his voice and she reminds herself they are friends, or something like it, now. "I know it wasn't your true concern, I only assumed it couldn't help." From anyone else it might feel like an evasion, but she knows him well enough to know he's genuine.
"Thank you. Now, we've wasted enough time. Your men," she looks at Tobirama, then, and he does not try to diminish the shame he bears under her gaze, "spoke of having you steal my eyes, and others cheered them. What will be done about it?"
"Before you respond," Madara cautions, "know that if the answer is nothing, or as good as, I'll take my own action."
"They'll be punished," Hashirama's voice is earnest and she knows he means what he says. She only fears his idea of punishment is too lenient. "I swear it to you both. My brother and I have never coveted Uchiha eyes and we'd never allow such a sentiment to take root—"
"It already has," Madara's voice carries no leeway.
"Madara please, you know I would never endanger your clan—"
"It's precisely what you do as long as they still breathe—"
"We cannot condemn anyone to die over words said in jest, they were drunk—"
"In jest? After all this time, you still don't understand the danger this could give rise to—"
"I do, you know that I do, but you must see that's not all there is. If we're ruthless in our response people will only believe the rumours the Uchiha are mad—"
"If we show lenience they'll see our partnership as insincere, they'll believe they can get away with disrespect—"
Their argument mounts and she feels a hand over her sleeve. The touch is tentative, as though he's not certain he's allowed. It's a space she expects to be pleased to see him linger in but is only exhausted by, in reality.
"Speak to me privately for a moment?" Please. It's not spelled out but she hears it clearly enough. Hashirama and Madara don't look set to stop any time soon.
"Quickly."
Izuna does not enjoy removing herself from the room while decisions are made, but ultimately only their brothers are needed. They let them go without fuss, too caught up in their own discussion.
He knows her well enough, at least, not to waste time once they are alone.
"I know you say you do not care, but I tracked the source of the rumours." Hardly rumours, she thinks, but she is reluctantly invested in what he has to say.
"Go on."
"When my brother burned our sheets in the clearing, there were villagers camped out at the top of the mountain, far enough not to be felt if he wasn't looking, near enough to guess what he was doing. It was mostly speculation, they just so happened to land near the truth."
"Ordinary villagers, not—"
"Not my men. Not shinobi, no." Izuna breathes. If it were Senju men—she would not have demanded their lives for something so trivial as gossip, but she'd have been angrier than she feels now.
"I cannot blame them for speculating just the same as any would have, then."
"You forgive them so easily." There's something hesitant in his voice.
"This isn't what we're here for." She startles herself with the coldness of her voice and is struck quite out of nowhere with the sudden awareness that this may be the last time they're alone together as husband and wife in more than name. It makes her want to reach for him in many ways, but she allows only the least of them as she takes his wrist briefly, runs a thumb over the soft skin inside of it. "I appreciate that you found them." She will not thank him.
When she pulls her hand away he steps forward, takes her hand in his with enough urgency she knows he's had the same thought she has, though he seems less willing to accept it.
"I have more to say." She wants to hear him out, and she will, but the desire for it is enough to make her pull harshly from his grip, at least. It doesn't deter him, though he has the sense to take half a step back. "Izuna, please hear me when I say I understand in full what I did not before. Our children will bear your eyes and I have no intention of allowing anyone to believe they would be safe to move against them."
"Is this all it took?" There's cruelty in her words, but the mention of their children hurts more, now, than it might have any other time and she cannot hold it back.
"I know that I am to blame for the depth of bitterness my men hold." There's no hesitation in his words, and she will give him the credit of being honest in his faults, once he's seen them. "I cannot take back what I said in the name of beliefs I no longer hold, but I won't allow them to be used to do further damage without consequence."
"All wonderfully spoken words, my love," he flinches at the ugliness of her tone and she feels the sharpness of it in her own chest, "but will you see them through? You already know what I want."
"I do. I won't move against my brother's judgement, I respect his word, but I feel the same of you, Izuna. Please, is there no other way?"
"If you understand as you say you do, why is it I have to decide the consequence, are you not willing to take action on your own?" Surely, she thinks, if he understands the severity, he should understand on his own what would be enough.
"If you have no preference, I will, but I do not only want to convey a message to the people, I want you to be satisfied." I want you to come home. It's always the words he doesn't say that make it most difficult, between them.
Izuna thinks of Kagami, hurting at the thought of fighting the man who first taught him his own value. Of all the Uchiha who will die if the war between them resumes, and how they'd been so close to being eradicated. The Senju would have the eyes of any Uchiha who defected to spare their own lives, regardless of what they fight for. No peace will ever be easy, but at least this way they have hope.
"Know that if you refuse even this much, I will not hear you out again."
"I understand."
Their eyes don't break while she speaks.
"I want you to take something from them." She allows her own viciousness to colour her words. There is no reason, she feels, to be shy about the way she hates these men. "I want you to wound them in a way they can't recover from, take something they feel they cannot live without. I want them to understand the depth of what they speak of taking from me, if such a thing is even possible."
If he does as much, her only regret will be not having done so herself. It's more valuable, though, she knows, to see how far he's willing to go.
•
Tobirama knows his brother will not be pleased, but he is within his rights to discipline his men on his own, so long as he does not take their lives. He cannot sleep another night without Izuna by his side, and he cannot bear the weight of a lost village on his shoulders.
•
Hashirama and Madara pay her little mind when she returns, still caught in their argument, until they realize she's alone.
"Tobirama has gone to resolve the situation." Hashirama looks between them, as though he's not sure what to pursue, before settling on her.
"How do you mean?" He speaks slow, she's rarely heard him uncertain.
"He's sworn he won't cross the limits you've set. Do you not trust him?"
"I do." There's no lie in his voice, but he's not pleased, either. "What did you ask of him, Izuna?" She won't do him the discourtesy of making a game of his question.
"I asked him to take something from them that they feel they can't live without."
Tension settles in the air, there's little to do but wait, now.
A/N: The semester is coming to a close and I'm having a crazy thygeson's flare-up so this took a while to get out. Please enjoy 💜