So... Here's the new chapter and the promised turning point of the story.
And I swear to God, this chapter turned out much longer than I had expected! I know, it's not the first time, but I even delayed a few scenes I actually wanted to put into this chapter, yet it's still almost twice as long as I had thought it would be... On top of that, this chapter is not very structured.
Anyways, it's an important chapter, and I'm glad that the story finally reached this point, the point at which a central part of Akinym's backstory will be revealed.
Disclaimer: I don't own Sword Art Online Re:Hollow Fragment or Sword Art Online in general.
While Kirito had been trying his best to overcome his newest challenge and Akinym had been… well, waiting for him to fail, the girls had been quite uneasy outside the cave.
They had heard the alarm sound faintly, and the same applied to the portcullis falling shut. Something was obviously wrong, but when Asuna tried to run to the entrance of the cave to hurry inside and help Kirito, she bumped straight into the invisible wall.
Speaking of the wall, Leafa was pounding her fists on it right now.
Leafa [yells, determinedly]: Kirito-kun! Are you okay, Kirito-kun?! [desperately] Answer me! B-brother!
Lisbeth [slightly exasperatedly and soothingly]: It's no use, Leafa, we can't get past that… [looks around, slightly contemplatively] it seems….
The other girls had tried to search for a way around the invisible wall, Silica was actually still trying to, but in the end, there was nothing they could do.
Nothing but to wait and pray, that is, and that was exactly what Asuna was doing. She observed the entrance of the cave, eyeing it as if she could see right through the wall if she tried hard enough. She trusted Kirito, and she believed in him… or she at least wanted to. Something had obviously gone wrong, and the fact that she didn't know what was going on was driving her crazy.
Leafa: But we have to do someth… [very surprised] WAAAHH!
All of a sudden, Leafa, who was pushing against the invisible wall now, tumbled over. There was a slope beyond the invisible wall, and Leafa rolled down it while letting out slightly panicked screams.
It took a moment for the realisation to kick in, but the other girls eventually figured it out: The invisible wall was gone.
Asuna was the first one to jump into action. She raced straight into the cave while the other girls were checking on Leafa first.
She had to slow down a little when she entered the narrow passageway into the cave. When she tried to get through at maximum speed, she bumped into the wall over and over again.
Asuna saw the portcullis going up again. At least she could proceed into the cavern, which she did promptly.
Asuna [slightly desperately]: Kirito-kun?!
She was about to look around frantically, but it merely took her a second to spot him. There he was, and he seemed to be alright.
Asuna was about to breath a sigh of relief when she noticed his state. He had slumped down on the floor, and his HP bar was in the red zone. This put Asuna on high alert.
Akinym stood almost directly next to Kirito with his weapon in his hands, and jumping to conclusions, Asuna drew her rapier and dashed towards them. She stopped between the two and pointed her weapon at Akinym while putting on a fierce glare.
Akinym, however, had hardly enough time to realise what was happening. From his perspective, they had just survived the attack of an ogre and his goblin minions, and due to all the running and dodging, he was completely bushed. He even had to lean on his spear to keep standing. When Asuna suddenly seemed to attack him at a speed he could barely follow, he instinctively backed away. As a consequence, he lost his hold on his spear (and his balance) and tumbled over.
Kirito [surprised, slightly panicking]: Huh?! Asuna?! W-wait a second!
Kirito's sudden outcry startled Asuna a little, and she snapped out of her "must protect Kirito-kun" trance.
One more look at Akinym revealed his green cursor, and Asuna began to question her initial assessment of the situation. Akinym couldn't have attacked Kirito. Well, at least he couldn't have started the battle, but a quick glance at Kirito's cursor showed that it was still green, too.
Yeah, it had obviously been the boss in this cave that had given them such a hard time. Now that she thought about it, Asuna honestly just felt dumb for jumping to conclusions like that. At least she had only taken an intimidating stance rather than attacking Akinym upfront. An orange cursor was the last thing she could need at the moment.
Asuna took a relaxed stance and sheathed her rapier.
Asuna [apologetically, slightly awkwardly]: I… I'm sorry. It… was a bit of a reflex.
Akinym sighed, happy that his heart rate could go down again. It wasn't just a sigh of relief, though. It was also one of comfort since his current sitting position was actually much more comfortable.
Before he could say anything about Asuna almost assaulting him, the rest of the group rushed into the cave. They spotted Kirito almost immediately and hurried over to him. Most of them also called out to him.
Leafa bluntly threw her arms around him. Both Silica and Lisbeth witnessed that rather disapprovingly while thinking that Leafa certainly exercised "family rights" here, although they did that with different undertones. Sinon just left it at a simple "Figures." Pina… Well, Pina probably thought about fruits or something, who knows…
Leafa: Brother, you're okay, thank goodness! We suddenly heard fighting noises from inside here, but we couldn't come to help you because some weird wall had appeared!
Leafa was on the verge of tears, and Kirito felt pretty guilty for making her worry like that. However, he'd soon have bigger problems than that…
Akinym [dryly]: Well, of course there was an invisible wall. It's been there the entire time.
Kirito tensed up to the maximum degree within one second. He tried to signal Akinym to stop talking with a panicked expression.
All girls [very surprised]: WHAT?!
Akinym [flatly]: I mean, yeah. There's an invisible wall stopping anyone who hasn't made enough progress in the related quest from entering. [slightly quizzically] You seemed to have all the information about this quest, so why don't you know about that? Also, [slightly annoyed] what the hell is up with these gestures, Kirito-san?
The girls turned towards Kirito, and their expressions showed a significant level of anger. Kirito could feel Leafa's grip tightening around him, but certainly not in a good way.
Leafa [sternly]: Brother… You knew, didn't you? And you didn't tell us!
Sinon [exasperatedly, slightly sternly]: Figures, if you ask me. He probably thought, "I can't bring all my friends into this! This is something I have to settle myself. I won't tell them about it to keep them safe!" Sounds about right?
Kirito [very desperately]: You got it all wrong! It was Argo! Yeah, she probably just forgot to mention it!
Asuna [very sternly, slightly upset]: Really? That doesn't sound like Argo-san, though. Besides, why would you take the quest that just happened to be necessary to get through the barrier if you really didn't know about it? I wonder what Argo-san will say if I ask her about that. What do you think, [menacingly] Kirito-kun?!
Kirito became even more desperate as the admittedly lame excuse, which he had resorted to instinctively in order to survive, had been seen through in no time.
Kirito [thinks]: Dammit! [says aloud] Okay, I'll admit it! Sinon is right, I just didn't want to put you in danger in case anything happens!
Akinym [flatly]: I honestly don't understand why you're even surprised. I don't know how much it means coming from me, but that kind of attitude seems to be in character for him.
Kirito: See? Let's listen to…
Kirito stopped mid-sentence when he realised who had just uttered some kind of defense for him. He took a look at Akinym. To be honest, what really left Kirito dumbfounded wasn't so much what Akinym had said, it was the genuine tone he had used.
So far, Akinym had only spoken of Kirito's unwillingness to let anyone die in a scolding or disapproving undertone. Not in a condescending one, but it had been clear as day that Akinym hadn't acknowledged it. Now, however, Akinym had just sounded… defeated.
Asuna [calmly]: You are right, Akinym-san. A bit naive or careless sometimes, maybe, and often clueless as to what effect his actions have on others, but nevertheless caring, kind and selfless. That is Kirito-kun.
Everyone turned their attention to Asuna, who was facing Akinym with a calm yet determined expression.
Asuna: There is more than one side to every person, Akinym-san, and that's something I want you to know. You see, I've been trying to lead the Assault Team to the best of my abilities, and I know that a lot of people think – or at least thought – that I've never actually struggled in that position.
Asuna took a deep breath. The part she had yet to reveal involved a lot of extremely unpleasant memories, so it took her a lot of effort to speak about it.
Regardless, she felt that she had to say it, and for the most part, only people she trusted would hear it, and the only person she didn't know if she could trust him yet was the one who needed to know about it.
Asuna: But the truth is that I've never been the "ideal leader" you may want me to be. From the day this death game began, I mostly felt desperate and broken. I've despised this world, and all I could think about was to escape, to the point that I would've done anything for that purpose. When I suggested that we should bait the GeoCrawler with NPCs, I wasn't "selflessly doing the right thing" by prioritising the lives of the Assault Team members over the NPCs or my own morals. No, I was just selfishly jumping on the opportunity to solve an issue as fast as possible, only to get out of this world as soon as possible. If I had continued to fight with that attitude, or if I were to take it up again, it would break me…
For a moment, Asuna looked really sad, and frankly, even Akinym only felt bad for her. However, her expression changed, and she put on smile.
Asuna: But after a while… No, after more than a year, actually, that changed. Not immediately, but little by little, and it was all thanks to a single person. To be honest, [feignedly upset] it was some impudent guy who was actually way too lax about beating this game in my opinion, [softly, slightly happily] but over time, I've learnt that he doesn't actually lack determination. He fights to beat this game, just like everyone else, maybe even harder than anyone else. It's just that he doesn't let this game beat him in a way that I didn't even consider before learning about it from him. He hasn't forgotten how to enjoy his life, even if it's here in the virtual world. It's thanks to him that I began to see the good things this world has to offer, and I've met many people I can rely on thanks to that. It's thanks to all of them that I can be happy again, so I can't turn around and go back to the way I was, only caring about beating this game. I hope you understand that.
Akinym felt a strange kind of fascination upon hearing all that. He realised that he had never actually considered what really motivated Asuna to do what she did.
Frankly, he couldn't say for sure if Asuna told him the truth right now, although it seemed more plausible to him than what he had thought originally. It explained why Asuna would be against his approach as she was, and it was a better explanation than Kirito having a "bad" influence on her. At the very least, it would answer a question that Akinym had never been able to answer, namely what Asuna saw in Kirito in the first place.
Besides, whether what Asuna had said was the truth was not crucial anyway. Even if – for whatever reason – Asuna had lied, Akinym had to face the fact that he didn't actually know the person in front of him, so he figured that he shouldn't act as if he did just because it would suit his goals.
Akinym: I see.
Kirito stood up again and took position next to Asuna.
Kirito: If you really understand that, I hope you'll also understand that everyone has a reason why they fight for what they're fighting for. [hesitantly] And I… am no exception…
Kirito clenched his fists. Just as Asuna, he wasn't eager to talk about what he had to say, but he felt that he'd have to if he wanted to resolve this issue.
Kirito: You see, there was a small guild of mid-level players, the Moonlit Black Cats. I… joined them. Long story, I spare you the details. In a sense, I tried to do what you do. I tried to teach them how to become successful players. [slightly awkwardly] Not that I was that good at it. I didn't have a plan or anything, I just taught them a few tricks and helped them out whenever I saw fit. [calmly] They were good people, [dejectedly] and I wish I could've helped them more.
All eyes were on Kirito, of course. Asuna already knew what was coming, but the other girls only had a bad feeling about this. They wondered what exactly had happened.
Kirito: It was when we went to the labyrinth on the twenty-seventh floor. There was a hidden trap, and I hadn't told them about that threat because I was afraid that they could find out that I was actually an Assault Team member without telling them, so they ran straight into it. By the time I noticed what was happening, it was already too late. [shakily] One after another… they died. They all died, and I could only watch. [very dejectedly, sadly] I had promised them, promised her… I said I would keep them safe and alive, but when it truly mattered, I couldn't do anything. When the leader, who wasn't with us in the labyrinth, learnt about it, he blamed me for it before jumping off the edge of the map. He was right… It was my fault.
The audience let the story sink in for a moment. A few of them wanted to say something, but they didn't find the right words. Well, Asuna did, but Kirito already knew how she felt about that incident, so she stayed silent for now to avoid interrupting his story.
Kirito: Back then, I almost lost my very will to live, and it wasn't until I suddenly received a pre-recorded message from one of the members, long after she had died, that I could move on in any way. Sachi… [slightly shakily] She had known everything, and she was forgiving me. It is crazy, but she forgave me from beyond the grave. [slightly dejectedly] She wanted me to live on without guilt. [chuckles] I'm sorry, Sachi, but I guess I can't do that. I still feel guilty for what happened, and for a long time, I wouldn't let anyone near me, fearing that the same thing would happen again.
Kirito suddenly began to smile, and he glanced over at Asuna.
Kirito: It wasn't until I teamed up with Asuna that I managed to… live with that fear. Not to overcome it, though. I'm still afraid of not being able to protect those around me. That is why I can't accept the idea of sacrificing anyone. I know that I can't protect everyone in Aincrad, but I've seen too many people die already to just accept even more deaths. I just have to be honest to myself here. I just can't accept it.
Akinym thought about it for a moment. At first, he had similar thoughts as he had had about Asuna's story.
There was more, however. Akinym realised that he had never had any factual reasons to believe that Kirito was just a run-of-the-mill wannabe hero. Why had he even thought that?
If Akinym had to be honest, it was just that he merely hadn't been interested enough in Kirito's actual background. At first, he had just been annoyed by Kirito's attitude because it contradicted what he believed in. After that, he had just interpreted everything that had happened at his convenience to justify his prejudiced mindset.
Akinym gritted his teeth upon realising that. Without noticing it, he had shown an attitude he actually disapproved of. Rather than calmly and logically thinking about something, he had jumped to conclusions, and who knew where this might've led…
Akinym [slightly dejectedly]: I see. I guess everybody who has fought in SAO for more than two years has sustained some scars. That's to be expected, yet… [apologetically, slightly dejectedly] I'm sorry. I was presumptuous. [lowers his head] I apologise for treating you the way I did without even thinking about what you may have been through during all that time.
Well, that was one issue settled, so… yay?
Actually, not yet. There was still one thing weighing on Kirito's mind, something he'd been wondering about for months now, and he had to clear it up, or the whole ordeal wouldn't be truly over.
Besides, he also had the feeling that he should admit something, too.
Kirito: Well, I guess you've also been right about something. If I have to be honest, I really am just fighting for the sake of those around me. [flatly] When you asked me when was the last time I even thought about some random players somewhere in Aincrad, I realised that I've never done that. I don't have any idea what the lives of people I've never met are like, and I don't have any concept of thousands of people. I only understand the struggles of the people around me. [slightly happily] My time in Aincrad has taught me how precious my friends and family are, [slightly worriedly] but also to be afraid of their safety and well-being. As I said, I avoided people for that reason for a long time, [slightly determinedly] but recently, I've started to let them into my life again, and I've never regretted this decision even once. I'll fight with everything I've got to protect them. [calmly] I know that there are countless other people struggling throughout Aincrad, and I also know that not all of them will make it out of this death game alive. I guess everyone knows that deep down, although most people can't bring themselves to admit it, [slightly dejectedly] and I'm actually no exception. I don't want anyone to die, [slightly determinedly] but more than anything else, I don't want any of my friends and comrades to die. I can only protect those around me since all I can do in this world is to fight. [flatly] If I'd try to protect everyone in this entire world, I'd only drive myself crazy. [determinedly] I'm doing what I can do, and I won't be ashamed of that!
Akinym [hesitantly]: I see… [slightly quizzically] What exactly are you trying to tell me?
Kirito [slightly at a loss]: Hm… Well, I guess it's… about doing the right thing within the limits of one's own abilities. [slightly exasperatedly] I mean, I know that there are some people who somehow got the idea that I'm some kind of legend. [flatly] In all honesty, I'm actually just the plainest example of an Assault Team member out there. I can only fight, meaning that I don't have any special abilities I could use to contribute. I don't have any idea about leadership like Asuna or others like Klein, I don't know a thing about organised trade like Agil, I don't even have any useful skills for crafting items or anything like that. Sometimes, everyone around me seems to have a unique way to help others in ways that I've never thought of and that I probably couldn't pull off even if I tried…
Kirito paused for a moment, thinking about something. He looked at Akinym with a calm yet determined expression. Akinym was a bit surprised to see a glint of admiration in it.
Kirito: That also applies to what you've been doing. Elaborate training schedules, detailed plans to teach others how dangerous this game can really be – even by experience while minimising the risk of anyone actually getting hurt – and even political schemes like what you're doing to change the policy of the Assault Team… I'm not a novice when it comes to planning for a quest or anything like that, but what you've did… That was on a whole different level, [slightly awkwardly] and I couldn't help but wonder how much easier some issues could've been resolved if we had someone with that skills on our side, doing the right thing…
Akinym stared at Kirito in bewilderment for a moment. Oddly enough, he suddenly started to laugh. It wasn't a mocking laugh or anything. No, it was perfectly genuine. He spoke between small bursts of laughter.
Akinym: I can't… believe you! Not even half an hour ago, you stood there, complaining about the exact same thing, and… now you are… saying that! You are – without a doubt – the most irrational person I've ever met!
Kirito [annoyed]: You don't have to laugh, you know? That's just weird! I'm just honest here…
Akinym [slightly apologetically]: I'm sorry, it's just… This declaration was so bizarre that I didn't know what else to do.
A few of the girls started to giggle a little, but unlike Akinym, they were actually laughing at Kirito to some extent, being strangely amused by the fact that he had made someone laugh by – basically – being a weirdo.
Kirito [very annoyed]: Thank you very much… [slightly annoyed] I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I don't get why you're so… [struggling for words] stubborn to beat this game. Like, with the way you've defeated Arboreal Fear in that messed up way… or all the trouble you've caused Asuna. [slightly exasperatedly] Don't get me wrong, I respect your ability to come up with these plans, but your goals always seem so wrong to me that it just makes me… feel bad. Like what you did with Sinon… [quizzically] It just feels wrong, and that's what I can't understand. I feel that there has to be something behind that, just like I and Asuna have our reasons to believe in what we fight for, but I have no idea what it could be.
Lisbeth [sternly]: Don't forget the part where he just killed someone like a psycho!
The people around her turned towards Lisbeth with expressions of reproach, awkwardness or surprise – that varied from person to person.
Lisbeth: Seriously, guys, I get it that you've got some kind of understanding here, [exasperatedly, slightly annoyed] but I can't be the only one who doesn't just want to shrug off the stuff he did, can I? [sternly] And I'd say that killing someone is pretty high on the list of all that stuff!
To be fair, the others could understand the sentiment to a certain extent.
Akinym: I see, so you've somehow come across that story, too, huh? Well, you really seem to have a talent for that detective work.
Kirito [slightly awkwardly]: Well, that part was actually pure "luck"… There was this… guy, one of your former students. [insecurely] Well, I take it that you know what we're talking about?
Akinym nodded. Figures. Kirito wondered what he had expected. In hindsight, his question sounded to him as if he assumed that Akinym had killed so many people that he had lost track of it…
Kirito briefly explained what the DDA member, Akinym's former student, had told them about the incident. After hearing that, Akinym leant back a little and suppressed a groan.
Akinym [slightly exasperatedly]: I see. I guess that story makes me sound unreasonably harsh and cruel.
Silica [surprised, slightly curiously]: So you're saying there is more to it?!
Akinym [calmly]: What that person forgot to mention is how desperate these bandits had really been… and how determined they were to win that battle. My trainee group from back then probably couldn't see it because they were too naive and inexperienced, but I could see the will to kill – to do anything – in their eyes. They were desperate enough to fight in such a bad condition, I suppose because they knew that they had to make loot to survive, but they weren't at the point to hand themselves in… not yet. In the heat of the battle, they would've fought to the death.
Leafa [slightly dejectedly]: Then why didn't you just disarm and capture them?! Don't let them fight to the death, but… You didn't have to kill one of them!
Akinym [slightly sternly]: Capture them?! Did you forget your PvP lesson already?! Capturing an opponent isn't as easy as some people make it out to be! Even if you disarm someone, that person could just pull out another weapon or struggle barehandedly. It's almost impossible to incapacitate a player with more PvP experience by force. Well, paralysis would work, but back then, I didn't have the means to paralyse all assailants. Your best bet would be to make your opponent surrender, but what if they wouldn't?
Lisbeth [slightly upset]: But you couldn't know if they would! At least try to!
Akinym: As I said, in the heat of the battle, they wouldn't have shown much sense of reason anymore. While I couldn't know it, I certainly felt it. Player killers have already used that tactic in a battle: Just keep fighting no matter what. In that case, your opponent has only one chance to win: by dealing the death blow. A lot of players don't have the resolve to do that, and in a battle to the death, [regretfully] reluctance to kill is a decisive disadvantage.
Not everyone thought much of the sudden change in tone in Akinym's voice, but Kirito caught on to it. Once again, he felt that something was behind that, and it kept him busy to the point that he stopped thinking about what Akinym was actually saying for the time being.
Akinym: Player killers have it easier to cross that line – to cross it again. [sternly, slightly teasingly] You've heard the guy talking about it. How did he talk about it? Full of disgust and anger about the "murderer"? Do you think that guy would've had it in himself to kill someone, even if he'd literally have no other choice? [slightly exasperatedly] Even if he would in the heat of passion, the fact that he had taken a life would've broken him. [determinedly] No, I had to be the one to deal with that, not them!
Akinym's words reminded Asuna of Kuradeel's death. When he had tried to kill Kirito, she had been furious, so furious that she had almost killed him. But that was the point: almost. In the end, she hadn't been able to "deal the death blow" as Akinym had phrased it.
There had been a moment of hesitation, and that moment had allowed Kuradeel to turn the tables for a moment… and what had it led to? Kirito had jumped in to finish the battle, he had been the one to load the guilt of killing someone onto his shoulders.
Regardless of what she thought of that incident as a whole, Asuna still regretted that Kirito had to live with that because she had hesitated in that moment. With that in mind, she could sympathise with Akinym's reasoning and intentions more than most of the others.
Kirito had similar thoughts. He also thought about the incident with Kuradeel, but also about previous encounters with orange players. For some reason, there was something tingling in his mind, as if he was missing the memory of an important event, which was probably buried deep down in his mind.
Fighting to the death in the heat of the battle, reluctance to kill as a decisive disadvantage… These words resonated with something inside his memory, but he couldn't quite say what it was. It was a hazy memory of a big battle…
The feeling that he should remember it while not wanting to in a strange way… It was so uncomfortable that he tried to shake off the thought after a moment. There were important matters at hand, so he decided to focus on that for the time being.
Akinym: If the bandits speculated on their opponents not being mentally able to kill them or making it out of the battle alive at all, I would have to create the impression that they couldn't count on that. That's what I thought. So when one of them broke through, I attacked him. It had to be convincing, so I had to strike relentlessly until that player died. After that, the other bandits had to believe that I wouldn't spare them, either, so that explains my attitude at that moment. [slightly upset] Think of it what you want… Yes, I killed someone, I left others in utter shock, but as far as I'm concerned, I didn't just kill one person, I saved seven! [very sternly] I'll apologise for my actions back then over my dead, rotting body!
The bold statement took Akinym's "audience" aback. However, most of them actually didn't realise the full meaning of that statement at the time. Kirito was the only one to realise it.
There had been only four students in Akinym's group at that time… and three more bandits.
Kirito: You know, this is just another thing I can't wrap my head around, just like everything before. What makes you so convinced that you have to do things that way? [slightly sternly] I don't believe that you don't feel anything about the death of that person, orange player or not!
Akinym [slightly surprised]: What makes you so sure?
Kirito: When you talked to Sinon in your room or in Agil's inn, you've said that everyone in this world has people who care about them, and that everyone deserves to be taken into consideration. These words were… too genuine to be an act. No matter how good of an actor anyone is, nobody can conceal their true emotions completely in the virtual world. The system will read them, and there will be a sign of them, even if it's just for a moment.
Well, it was a solid argument, and no matter what they thought, everyone around Kirito had to acknowledge it.
Kirito: There's also that duel we had. I've told you that the way someone fights says something about the person, that you can learn something about the person that way. What I've learnt in that duel is that the person I've crossed blades with fought with everything he got for his survival since the beginning of this death game. It was a cautious battle, and a lot of thought and planning had to go into it. Just preparing for countering my Sword Skills must have required a lot of thought and preparation. A person that would selfishly let others fight for them or kill others wouldn't fight like that. Such a person would've used that paralysis poison, for instance. [slightly struggling for words] It's… hard to describe. [calmly] I'd compare it to another duel I had recently, one against Alberich. He was powerful, but he was haughty and relied on brute strength. He took pride in his superior stats, not in his intelligence or skill, and he was willing to use any kind of underhanded methods to win and get what he wants.
Akinym chuckled a bit. And here he had thought that "learning something about someone through fighting" was a stupid, irrational idea. It seemed that there was more to it than he had thought.
Akinym: I see. So there was a point to that duel after all…
The girls weren't so much impressed as they were annoyed. In their opinion, it was a quite "Kirito thing" to use a duel that way…
Kirito: Basically… [slightly determinedly] I've never understood what bothered me so insanely much about some of the things you've done. It's not like I've never seen players using or suggesting questionable tactics before. It took me a while to realise it, but basically, I just couldn't believe that someone who could speak so genuinely about what might be in the best interest of all the players in Aincrad, someone who – regardless of what I think about the methods – always considered what would be the best way to keep others safe in the long run, would be a truly bad person. [slightly quizzically] I just don't understand how these motives and these actions came together… Like, how can you shrug the death of a person off so blatantly if you've said yourself that this person – just as everyone else – deserves a certain level of care?!
Akinym just stared at Kirito for a moment, probably thinking about how to reply. When he finally opened his mouth, his words seemed strangely calm, but also void of emotion, as if what he said was just completely self-explanatory.
Akinym: What about him, you ask? What about everybody else there? People ask me if I think it's right to go so far and kill someone for the sake of others, but I ask you if it's right to ignore their interests just to not kill someone!
Akinym lowered his head again for a moment. He had to make a decision, a decision about telling a story he'd rather not tell. Yet he had to consider the circumstances, and there was also the fact that Kirito and Asuna had told him about quite painful memories in order to get through to him.
Maybe it was about time for him to make himself understood the same way…
Akinym [slightly exasperatedly]: I guess it's only fair if I share that story with you… [calmly] It was about a year ago, at some point during early or middle February. I had just started my work as an instructor back then, and everything was going so smoothly that I was really confident, probably too confident. My trainee group at that time consisted of four players, three guys and a girl. [slightly dejectedly] It's odd… I've worked with more than a hundred players, and I hardly remember most of them, and in almost all cases, I've even forgotten their names. [regretfully, slightly dejectedly] But I'll never forget hers…
The way Akinym had said that last part, so full of regret and pain, really left an impact on the people around him.
Leafa [worriedly]: Akinym-san… Could it be that this girl was your…
Akinym [interrupting, dryly]: Student? Yes. Anything else? No. Seriously, not everything is a personal tragedy.
And just like that, the impact was mostly gone. Well, he had still piqued their interest.
Akinym [slightly regretfully]: Anyway, her name was Amaterrace, and frankly, I probably would've completely forgotten her by now if she hadn't…
Akinym just stopped mid-sentence.
For a moment, he thought about his initial impression of Amaterrace. The girl had thought that it would be "cool" to have a "colourful" ingame name that included English, and that's what she had come up with: Ama-terrace.
Why? Because it sounded "exactly" like Amaterasu, the Shinto sun goddess. It was a display of finest Engrish, and Akinym, who – courtesy of his mother; it was a long story – spoke English much better than the average Japanese high school student, had thought time and time again how much that name would've made him cringe if it hadn't been for the… circumstances.
Akinym: They weren't the best students I've ever had. Far from it, actually. However, they were passionate, and they shared a deep bond with each other. The girl was usually quite cheerful, and she tried to keep up the good mood and the hope within the group. Quite successfully, if I may add. [slightly awkwardly] But maybe that was the problem.
A strange line, and everyone else let out some sound of surprise.
Akinym [calmly]: They met their fair share of people, you know. [slightly regretfully] I only learnt about that a week or so later, but apparently, there was some guy, another player, who had a crush on her or something. From what I've heard, she had rejected him, and he… [worriedly, slightly angrily] He sent assassins after her!
That was quite a shock. To be fair, some of them knew just how crazy some people in SAO could be, and how far some of them would go. However, killing someone out of jealousy was… rare, to say the least.
Akinym: He somehow got in contact with a PK guild, I don't even know who they were, but they sent three people to deal with the mission. We were training on the thirty-seventh floor at that time, in a dense, marshy forest, and it was quite foggy that day. The terrain was difficult, but that was the whole point. They should learn how to fight under difficult conditions. What I didn't expect, however, was that we were suddenly ambushed.
Akinym paused, thinking about that day. Frankly, it made him break out in cold sweat. The others gave him the moment he needed.
Akinym: Thankfully, they didn't really seem to be prepared for a serious battle. They had probably thought that it would be an easy job, and judging from what I've heard, this whole mission had been some kind of rite of passage for one of them. They hadn't expected a relatively high-level player to accompany their target, and they certainly hadn't expected the kind of resistance they faced. Regardless, the newest member of their group had somehow managed to attack the girl while the other two were busy with the guys in that trainee group. The assassin and Amaterrace disappeared from my sight, and by the time I've noticed it, I already wondered if it would be too late. The leader of my trainee group assured me that they could fight the other two assassins off for now, so I should hurry and help her instead. It sounded reasonable, so I tracked her down.
Akinym thought about what it had been like to search her in that forest. Fortunately, the had had the Tracking mod of the Searching skill to find her. Otherwise, he probably wouldn't have found her at all.
Akinym: When I found her, she tried her best to defend herself. I tried to help her, and honestly, most of the fight is just a blur in my memories. [slightly shakily] The only thing I remember clearly is how it ended. S-somehow… she ended up lying on the ground, and that… attacker towered over her. He had this eery, curved blade, and he aimed it right at her chest. She had barely any HP left, but the assassin wasn't doing any better. I stood beside him, and I know exactly that it would've taken me only one single, good thrust of my spear to take him out!
Another pause followed as Akinym couldn't really bring himself to tell the next part of the story.
Asuna [worriedly]: But you didn't do that, did you, Akinym-san?
Akinym [very regretfully]: No! I did not, you're absolutely right! That… man took a swing with his sword, and I knew what was going to happen, but… [shakily] I… I couldn't… I just couldn't bring myself to do something about it.
Akinym clenched his fists on his lap. Every time he looked back on those events, he always thought that it was so pathetic.
Every fiber of his being had told him that there was only one option. Yet he hadn't been able to make that decision. He hadn't been able to choose between his student – a promising young girl who might've helped clearing Aincrad one day, someone who was clearly dear to others – and an assassin – someone who would only kill others, and even his own comrades had left him behind after they had seen that the job had been done.
If nothing else, he had had a responsibility to keep his student safe. That alone should've made it clear whom to choose…
At the very day the death game had launched, Akinym had sworn to himself that his goal would be to "clear SAO with as many people alive as possible". That declaration had come with the acknowledgement that he wouldn't be able to save everyone. There would be sacrifices, and he had declared that he would always assess the situation rationally to decide what to do and what people he could really save.
However, when he had actually had to make a hard decision himself, he hadn't done anything. He couldn't have even put a single ethical rule aside in that moment. He wasn't more important than anyone else, neither was his conscience, yet he hadn't even been able to do that… That thought had haunted him ever since.
Akinym: I was too weak to do anything!
Kirito: I think you're too harsh on yourself! I know there are people who think they need the resolve to kill if need be, but I don't think that anyone should really strive for that. At the very least, I don't think it's a sign of strength to kill someone, or a sign of weakness to show compassion…
Akinym [very annoyed]: Oh, spare me the ethical rambling, Kirito-san! It's not right to kill someone for the sake of someone else?! Well, too bad! That's what I did! [regretfully, slightly upset] What happened to her was my fault! I was there, I could and should have done something, but I didn't! Nothing will ever change that… or the fact that I betrayed everything I've believed in. [slightly upset] I don't expect you to understand that, but that's how it is!
Akinym's statement didn't leave much room to argue, so everyone else kept silent.
Kirito thought about Akinym's story. He had asked Argo to search for hints about Akinym's past, but she hadn't been able to discover anything noteworthy, at least not in that short amount of time, so it was new information to him.
To be honest, Kirito didn't have the feeling that he understood Akinym much better after hearing that story. It explained a lot of things, but Kirito didn't know what he should think about the conclusion Akinym had drawn from these events, a conclusion Akinym put in words himself quite well.
Akinym [determinedly]: Back then, I've learnt the hard way what consequences one's inaction can have, and I've sworn that I'll never let anyone come to harm again just because I couldn't bring myself to do something I thought I should do. That's the lesson I've learnt from my past!
So far, so good… There was, however, still the problem that had led them here in the first place. What about the disarray the Assault Team was in at the moment?
Kirito had a bad feeling about this. This story had only strengthened his worries that Akinym would insist on a hard-line policy for the Assault Team, and by now, Kirito wasn't sure if he – or any of them for that matter – could talk him out of it. No harm in trying, though…
Kirito: I don't think you have to be so radical, though. There is no reason to cross every line just because something bad happened once when you didn't, and the Assault Team can still clear this game without doing the same thing!
Much to Kirito's dismay, Akinym just sighed in exasperation.
Akinym: You're really bad at convincing me with words, Kirito-san. You know that?
Kirito's expression changed from one of determination with a faint glint of doubt to a mixture of awkwardness, exasperation and defeat in the blink of an eye. It would've been funny if the situation hadn't been so serious.
The girls were also a bit taken aback by Akinym's matter-of-fact retort.
However, Akinym's expression also changed quickly. He seemed to think about something for a moment.
Akinym: Thankfully – for you – you're much better at convincing me with actions.
And just like that, everyone stared at Akinym with a surprised expression and only one question on their mind: What actions?
Akinym: Say, Kirito-san, what did you do in the fight against the boss? When it used its armour, you had to… [slightly sternly] You had to do something out of the ordinary, I don't think that even you would've been able to defeat that boss on your own with a run-of-the-mill approach. There has to be more to it!
Kirito felt a bit uncomfortable speaking about this. Frankly, it wasn't such a great feat as Akinym made it sound like in his opinion.
Kirito: Well, I figured that I had to use as many sword strikes as possible during the thirty seconds I had, so I had to find a way how to deal with the delay after my Sword Skills, and my best bet was to let the boss hit me with its club to cancel them just before they were finished. I mean, there's a short moment after getting hit by such an attack until you can move again, but it's still shorter than the post-motion delay of most advanced Sword Skills, so…
That explanation took a moment to sink in, but when the moment was over, it wasn't Akinym who reacted to it first.
Asuna [shocked]: Wait a moment, Kirito-kun! Are you saying that you let yourself get hit by multiple strong attacks?! Is that why you were almost dead when I came in?!
Lisbeth [exasperatedly]: Seriously, where are you getting all those crazy ideas?! It's so like you to try something like that. Ugh, I'm getting flashbacks to the time you tried to run up a wall to get out of a hole!
Leafa [slightly shocked]: Wait a second! Are you saying he does such things regularly?!
Sinon [exasperatedly]: I'm starting to get the feeling he does. Seriously, how reckless can you be?
Leafa [worriedly]: Uuuuuhhh… How shall I explain this kind of behaviour to Mum?
Kirito [worriedly, slightly defensively]: Guys, keep calm, okay?! It wasn't that bad!
Asuna [upset]: Not that bad?! You almost died! [dejectedly] Why do you keep doing this to me?
Kirito: Asuna, keep calm! I had to do something to get out of there alive, okay?
Akinym [calmly]: You know, he's right. You should cut him some slack! You may think that what he did was crazy, but it was the right call. [slightly dejectedly] To think of something like that in the heat of a battle… That's a kind of strength I wasn't able to show.
Kirito [slightly awkwardly]: Well, I don't think that this is "strength". I just used what I knew about cancelling Sword Skills and…
Akinym [interrupting, slightly sternly]: That's not what I'm talking about! Something like strength in system parameters or mechanics is not the point. I'm talking about strength of will. [slightly contemplatively and dejectedly] I already knew everything I'd have to know to come up with that idea myself. No, it's a question of mindset, not just of knowledge. When I tried to think of a way out of this, I could only see a solution that would allow one person to live…
Akinym advocated making sacrifices if necessary. He had been convinced that he had to sacrifice his own life to allow Kirito to leave the cave alive… but he had been wrong. If Kirito had listened to him, one more person would've died by now…
The more he thought about what had happened, the more Akinym realised that he had never questioned his own judgement, at least not since Amaterrace's death. For the first time, this had proven to be a mistake.
A mistake someone else had to correct… Akinym didn't like that thought, but he couldn't change the fact.
What made it even worse was the fact that Akinym had thought that Kirito's attitude towards this problem had been the mistake. Just as before, Akinym had thought it was mere naivety, but now he wondered if iron determination to not let someone else die was a source of willpower rather than a sign of the lack thereof.
Akinym: When you were talking about "a better solution" for defeating Arboreal Fear, I just shrugged it off. If I have to be honest, I just didn't believe in such a "better solution". I stopped believing in anything remotely resembling an ideal solution back when she died… This time, however, I was wrong. And now I'm wondering… What if it's not just this time?
Akinym stood up again and looked at Kirito and Asuna with a determined expression.
Akinym: Frankly, I don't know. I still don't know if I can trust your way of doing things, but I guess I should at least figure that out before I do anything rash. After all, I can't throw the entire Assault Team into disarray if I don't even know if it's the right thing to do. So if you want to resolve that issue, I'll try to help you.
...and you'll see how this will work in the next chapter.
Before that, however, there will be the side story about Kirito and Asuna's thoughts on the matter as I promised.
To be perfectly honest, I'm not completely satisfied with the way the portrayal of Akinym's backstory turned out given how important it actually is. However, this chapter is already quite long, so I didn't elaborate even more on it here. In fact, I will go a bit deeper into it in one (or maybe multiple) future chapters, but it will be a while until we get there.
The "long story" about Akinym's English skills will be explained in the future, but only in a sequel.
Little Preview: Things have to change for the Assault Team, but what will it take for them to reconcile? And what will become of Akinym or any of his students?