Here, not here
Skoodge anxiously wrung his hands in a vain attempt to calm his nerves, his eyes darting back a fourth between Zim and Mayo.
Once the adrenaline wore off, it hadn't taken long for Zim to fall asleep. As soon as they were sure there was little chance of him waking up, they'd called the medic back so he could change Zims bandages and…
…Examine his stitches.
Skoodges eyes lingered on Zims sleeping form a few seconds longer. What if he suddenly woke up? How was he going to explain those stitches to him?
That wasn't the only thing causing him anxiety. He knew it was silly, but a part of him was terrified Zim wouldn't wake up again at all.
It had been so surreal having Zim suddenly awake after two months, a part of him almost couldn't believe it was real. He couldn't help but fear they wouldn't be able to wake him up again tomorrow, or even in a few hours. That this was a fluke or the stress would be too much for him and he'd slip right back into that coma.
Or worse, that this was all just a cruel dream and he'd awaken to Zim still hooked up to those machines, as good as dead.
Skoodge cringed as the medic set down the scissors and tossed the old bandages into a waiting trash can. He looked away as Mayo inspected those awful stitches, unable to bring himself to look at them.
He didn't want to think about that day.
A hand on his shoulder dragged him out of those thoughts, at least a little, giving it a squeeze. He didn't need to look up to know it was Tenn. She, Zee, and Sneakyonfoota had stayed behind with him. They were all looking away as well, just as unwilling to remines as he was.
Maybe more.
"Well, good news" Mayo finally spoke up, keeping his voice low so not to wake his patient "none of the stitches on either arm popped, but a few appear to have been tugged at a little."
"Could have happened when he unhooked his Pak from the monitor if I had to guess" Zee suggested.
Mayo nodded "that would've taken some maneuvering" he agreed, taking out some disinfectant. As long as he was here, he may as well clean the wounds.
"Is that something we should be concerned about?" Tenn asked.
"Hmm, some of the swelling's returned, but they're not bleeding as much as I initially feared, so it shouldn't be a problem" Mayo assured them. "But to be safe-"
"Keep an eye on it and let you know?" Skoodge, Tenn, Zee, and Sneakyonfoota said together.
Mayo snorted "yes, that." As he dabbed on the disinfectant, Zim winced and began to stir. They all froze, waiting with bated breath in fear that he would awaken and worse, see his exposed arms.
Mayo came to a stop at well. As much as he'd given him grief for it, he did understand Skoodges argument about it being too soon for Zim to see his stitches. With all the stress and anxiety of the past couple of hours, the sight of wounds he had no recollection of might just send him back over the edge.
It was the main reason the medic had agreed to do this now, at least this once. Even if Mayo knew it was unwise to hide them, he also knew the importance of picking your moment. He just hoped Skoodge wouldn't ignore that moment.
Thankfully, Zim just readjusted his position and continued sleeping. They all let out a quiet sigh of relief as Mayo finished up. He wrapped the new bandages tightly around the sleeping Irkens arms, making sure they were secure before gathering his supplies "well, his arms appear to be fine, when's his next bandage change?"
"Two weeks from now, I think" Tenn guessed.
Mayo nodded "I don't know if I'll be back" he said as he closed his bag and stood up "but I'll be sure to share my notes with whoever is if not." As he turned to leave, he stopped and glanced back at the group, brow arched "what exactly is the plan here? If you don't mind my asking."
Skoodge shrugged "well, I figured if I see any blood or-"
"I was referring to the memory loss" the medic interrupted, now turning to fully face them. The four Invaders shifted uncomfortably, looking anywhere but at him "you are going to tell him something I hope" he pressed further.
"O-of course!" Skoodge stuttered, looking offended by the implications.
"That's good to hear" Mayo sighed "look, I mean no disrespect, but…" he frowned, fingers drumming against his chin as he tried to find the right words. "…With circumstances like these, its…tempting to want to take the opportunity to rewrite the past" he explained patiently "if not completely ignore it."
"I would never take advantage of Zim like that!" Skoodge snapped in anger, just barely remembering to keep his voice down "and neither will anyone else as long as I have anything to say about it!"
"We would never-!" Zee began to argue, only to be silenced by Tenn and Sneakyonfootas hands on either shoulder, shaking their heads dejectedly. Zee gave a small huff and looked down, but couldn't ignore her own growing feelings of shame.
As much as they didn't like the accusations, Skoodge had every right not to trust any of them.
"I'm not just speaking maliciously" Mayo continued calmly "again, given the circumstance, some tend to think the patient is…better off without their memories." He looked Skoodge dead in the eyes "can you honestly tell me the thought hadn't crossed your mind? Even just for an instant?"
Skoodge began to open his mouth, but deflated.
He couldn't.
As much as he hated to admit it, as wrong as he knew it was…
…He couldn't deny a small part of him hoped Zim wouldn't remember the past year and a half.
"I won't do that to him" Skoodge said softly, meeting the medics hard gaze.
"Good to hear, because if Zim is repressing, I don't think I need to tell you such actions would do more harm than good. So I'll ask again" Mayo said, more gently this time "what's the plan?"
Skoodge felt his mouth go dry, what was he going to do? Before he could even try to answer, Sneakyonfoota and Zee stepped forward, their expressions serious. "Any questions he has, we will do our best to answer" Sneakyonfoota said confidently.
"And if he asks about the events before his awakening?"
"We'll ease him into it" Zee took over "get him reacquainted with everything and go from there." Both Skoodge and Tenn couldn't help staring at their fellow Invaders in awe, they could only imagine what to two must have been like back in their days as medical officers.
Mayo nodded, satisfied with their answers "I'll arrange for some specialists to come examine him, and don't hesitate to contact me for anything" he said as he left. "And…" he stood in the doorway, looking back at them "I do hope you wont disregarded what I've said about not keeping him in the dark" he said, his voice low and even.
The four said nothing, but they didn't need to. Mayo nodded again "I've said my piece so, have a good evening" he gave them a salute just as the door closed.
The four Invaders let out a breath they'd barely noticed they were holding. Slowly, they turned to look at Zim, still fast asleep and none the wiser to any of what had just transpired "what do we do now?" Tenn asked quietly.
Skoodge inhaled deeply, trying to steady his nerves and emotions from the day's events. "Exactly like Zee and Sof said" he said simply, going over the sit next to the bed like he'd been doing for the last two months "we help him the best we can."
No matter how difficult that would be.
The next day, a few of them had gathered back in Zims room to see if they could trigger any kind of recollection of anything. To Skoodges relief, the night before hadn't been a dream and he'd awoken to Zim free of machines, back in the conscious world.
Again, he knew it was silly, but it was still a load off his mind.
"Alright" Larb began "lets star from the beginning." He pointed a finger at Zim, who flinched back with a surprised squeak "your name is Zim" he said, probably more dramatically than needed, earning him a smack upside the head from Invader Poot.
"OW! What?!" He hissed at her as the others shook their heads. They liked Larb, but if it wasn't for the fact that he'd ranked in the top five of his platoon, they'd all wonder how he'd made it to Invader status.
"Gentle and patient, Larb" Zee lightly scolded him as he huffed.
"I'm…Zim?" Zim asked slowly, pointing to himself to be sure.
Skoodge nodded "yes, that's your name. I'm guessing you don't recognize it?"
Zim shook his head "not really" he admitted "but it's nice to know I have a name." They were relieved to find he wasn't as skittish around them anymore, perhaps getting some proper sleep had helped calm his nerves "and you all are…?"
"Ah, right" Tenn stepped forward, dusting off her uniform out of nervous habit. "Well, I'm Tenn" she introduced herself, placing a hand on her chest hoping it would make it easier for him "you remember Skoodge from last night, right?" She asked, pointing to the chubby Irken.
To their relief, Zim nodded. "Okay, great. Let's see, uh…" she motioned for everyone to line up and pointed to each of them as she said their names "this is Larb, Zee, Poot, Tim, Grapa, Slacks, Flobee, El, Spleen, and Sneakyonfoota."
"But you can just call me Sof" he said quickly.
"There are more of us" Tenn added "but this is who's here right now." Zim glanced between them, trying to memorize who was who the best he could "it might be a little confusing for a bit" Tenn said understandingly, as if reading his mind "but you'll get it in time, and we'll help."
Zim gave a nod "okay, uh, Skoodge…Tenn…Larb…" he repeated, pointing at them as well. "…Zee…Poot…T-Tom…Grapa…Snacks…Flobee…El…Spleen and…Seefonda?"
They were all silent, glancing between each other, not that Zim could tell "I got it wrong, didn't I?" He asked softly, deflating a little in disappointment.
"…Kind of" Sneakyonfoota began patiently. "Okay yes, you-you got mine, Tim's, and Slacks names a…a bit off. And…you mixed up Poot and Zee" he confessed "but, but!" He waved his hands "you were really close! Seven out of twelve? That's pretty good!" He said enthusiastically as the others all nodded encouragingly.
Maybe they should have started with fewer Irkens.
Zim nodded, but still looked disappointed he'd messed their names up. "So there are others?" He asked, remembering what…Tenn he reminded himself, had just said. She nodded "how many?"
"Do you mean other Invaders of just in general?" El asked, not wanting to risk mixing him up.
"Honestly, either way it's too many to count" Tim spoke up with a chuckle "and most of them are always coming or going so good luck keeping…track of…ooh" he trailed off as he realized that might not be the most helpful thing to say right now. He cleared his throat sheepishly, shifting uncomfortably under the others glares.
Thankfully, Zim didn't appear to be discouraged, although he was a little concerned. That sounded like a lot of people to become reacquainted with.
…Apparently.
Zim wouldn't say it out loud, but a part of him wondered if it was a good thing he was beginning to trust them. He supposed it was only natural to have doubts, he had no frame of reference to tell him one way or the other how honest they were being with him.
At the same time though, he didn't have much of a choice, they did seem to know him better then he currently knew himself.
No one just comes out of thin air, after all. At least he was pretty sure they didn't.
Whether it was a good thing or not, for now he'd make the decision to trust them, and hopefully he wouldn't regret it. "Where are they?" He asked, deciding not to dwell on that for now.
"Who?" Skoodge asked, still worried Tim's ill-thought-out words may have confused him.
"The others" Zim said as if it was obvious. Seeing that none of them understood what he meant, he pointed at, who he hoped, was the one who'd said it "he said they were always coming and going" he clarified "where are they?"
"Oh! All over the place" Tenn answered, now understanding what he was asking "where exactly depends on their jobs, where they're most needed, or where they're told to go."
"Wh-" Zim was about to ask a follow up question when the door slid open, grabbing his attention. Invader Pesto stumbled into the room, carrying a tray covered in food over to the bed.
He placed the tray in front of Zim with a grunt "sorry about that" he said as he wiped his brow "but I don't think I need to tell you it's a long way from here to the cafeteria." He glanced over at Zim, who'd scooted back from the tray "they do intros yet?" He asked, Zim nodded silently, not looking at him. "Cool" he shrugged, holding out his hand "Pesto" he introduced himself.
Zim stared at the hand; he knew this guy was waiting for him to shake it, but he wasn't quite that comfortable with them yet. "Uh, hello…P-Pesto?" He returned the greeting, hoping he'd gotten the name right.
Pesto picked up on his hesitance and nodded "you got it" he assured him. Excepting that he was going to be left hanging, he took his hand back and joined the rest of the group.
Zim directed his attention to the food on the tray. There was a can of pink lemonade, a bowl of mac and cheese, a slice of pizza with peppers on it, and a cupcake "what's this?"
"Lunch" Skoodge said "they're all some of your favorites" he explained "I thought maybe one of them could trigger something."
"Do you…recognize any of them?" Slacks asked hesitantly "or remember what they are?" He knew it was a dumb question, but he didn't know how much someone forgot when suffering from amnesia. Could it make you forget such basic stuff?
Zim frowned in annoyance "I know what food is" he pouted.
It could not.
Slacks frowned, scratching the back of his head "sorry." He hadn't meant any offence; his curiosity had just gotten the better of him.
Zim appeared to accept the apology, sagging a bit with a sigh. "Doesn't matter, I don't remember liking any of these anyway" he admitted, folding his arms over his legs and resting his chin on top.
Sneakyonfoota nodded understandingly "we figured it wouldn't be that easy" he admitted "but maybe if you tasted them?"
Zim studied the food on the tray. He doubted that would work, but it was worth a shot, right? Plus, it did all look and smell good, and he was hungry. He looked between each item, trying to decide which to try first, before settling on the mac and cheese. Slowly, he picked up the bowl, got a good forkful and, cautiously, took a bite. "It is pretty good" he said after he finished, taking another scoop "I can see why I liked it so much before."
"But I take it you don't remember?" El asked.
Zim shook his head "I'm afraid not."
Skoodge nodded "yeah, we thought so. But it was worth a shot." He couldn't deny he was a bit disappointed, but really, he knew it wouldn't have been that simple. Nothing in life ever was. "Anyway, what were you going to ask?" He said, deciding to change the subject before he got too depressed "you know, before Pesto came in."
"Hm? Oh, I was going to ask where here was" Zim said in between bites "like, where are we right now?"
"Oh, we're on the Massive" Larb said simply.
Zim stopped, lowering his fork as he stared at them "the Massive?"
"It's the main flag ship of the Irken empire, our empire" Poot explained in more detail, side eyeing Larb. "It oversees all operations of Impending Doom two while housing the Tallest and some of the best the empire has to offer."
"Aside from us, of course" Grapa said, puffing out his chest. Skoodge rolled his eyes and poked him hard in his stomach, making him flinch with a grunt. He's was still miffed about him taking credit for Blorch.
"…And it's called the Massive?" Zim asked hesitantly, making sure he'd heard right.
The others exchanged confused looks "well, yeah" Slacks shrugged "cause its massive" he said as if it should have been obvious.
"Okay…" Zim said slowly, he didn't want to cause any offence, and really, who was he to question? He'd only just learned his name. "So…" he set down the half-eaten bowl and picked up the slice of pizza "what do you guys do on, uh…the Massive?"
"Oh, we don't work on the Massive" Spleen spoke up for the first time. "No, only select guards, navigators, pilots, a variety of crew members, and a few serves drones are employed on the Massive, not Invaders like us" he explained in his usual dry tone.
Zim blinked; he had no idea what most of that meant "then…how come all of you are here?"
"Well, some of us are on leave, but some of us are in-between missions" El explained as clearly as she could. Unlike Spleen, she understood that the idea was to not confuse or overwhelm him "most of us are still out and about."
"Oh" Zim took a bite of the pizza, deep in thought. Invaders, that medic from before had asked him about that. "So" he quickly swallowed before continuing "you're all…Invaders then?" He asked, hoping he'd understood correctly.
"Correct" Spleen said with a nod as the others shifted uncomfortably. Admittedly, a few of them were a little worried Zims memory loss could…altered his perception. The last thing they needed was Zim running of to join the Resisty.
Fortunately, he wasn't asking for any further details so that didn't appear to be the case, for now at least. "Is that a big deal?" It certainly sounded like one the way everyone kept talking about it.
"Well, they don't let just anybody become an Invader" Larb said smugly, buffing his nails with a smirk.
The others all rolled their eyes, a few groaning under their breaths. "Humble as ever, eh Larb?" Poot asked him sarcastically as she crossed her arms, looking unimpressed.
Larb scoffed "well I'm not wrong, am I?" He asked challengingly.
Tim sighed "I mean, not really" he reluctantly agreed "you can't just become an Invader. You have to go through a lot of training and testing to even qualify for a chance to be one" he explained to the small Irken.
"So yeah, we're a big deal" Larb said, not letting go of his point "really, only the Tallest themselves outrank us."
Poot gawked at him like he'd just laid an egg "that's…that's nowhere close to being accurate!" She cried in disbelief.
Tenn sighed, rolling her eyes "don't listen to Larb, Zim" she told him in exasperation "high rank or not, we're nowhere near the same leave as the Tallest."
The Tallest. The medic had mentioned those too, and everyone had seemed pretty shocked when he hadn't known who those were. "These…Tallest" Zim began, "they're a big deal, right?"
Irk, it was too weird hearing Zim talk about the Tallest like this!
"Well, yeah" Pesto shrugged "they're our leaders. They commanded the empire."
Wow, that did sound important. "And they're called the Tallest" Zee began to explain before he could ask "because they are the tallest Irken currently living."
Zim hummed, absorbing the new information. As he did, he began to closer study each of them when his eyes fell on Sneakyonfoota, looking him up and down, cringing when his gaze was forced to come in contact with the mess of scribbles surrounding his head. "That's you then, right?" He asked slowly, something told him that was wrong, but he had to be sure.
Sneakyonfoota blinked, caught off guard "huh?"
"You're taller than them" Zim said, motioning to the others "so you're the Tallest, right?"
"Oh! No! no, no, no!" Sneakyonfoota said quickly, frantically waving his hands as he blushed furiously. He knew Zim didn't know any better right now, and it was kind of flattering, but such talk could get them deactivated! "No, I'm not one of the Tallest! They are much, much taller than I am" he explained with a nervous chuckle.
"Oh" Zim set down the pizza and picked up the cupcake. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense. If they're the leaders, then they'd be somewhere doing…" he gave his hand a wave "…leader stuff, right now, whatever that is" he said as he eyed the dessert "what flavor is this again?"
"Red velvet" Skoodge answered, watching him with an odd amount of intent. Zim carefully peeled off the wrapping and took a bite of the sweet pastry. He mulled over everything he'd learned so far, thinking of any other questions he had at the moment.
Honestly, he had too many to count, and no idea where to start. It didn't help that the more skeptical side of him was wondering if it was even safe to ask.
Although, this would be a good opportunity to ask about them without appearing suspicious in case they were untrustworthy. "So…how do I know all of you exactly?" He began cautiously, hoping that didn't sound weird.
Grapa waved his hand in a so-so motion "it varies" he said simply "I think I could count all the times you and I spoke directly on both hands."
"Well, for sure you knew Skoodge the best out of all of us" Flobee added. "Or" he tapped his chin "I guess, he knows you the best…or both?"
Zim blinked in surprise, looking over at the pudgy Irken. Skoodge nodded, looking a little bashful "how…how long have we known each other?"
Skoodge shrugged "all our lives, really" he said "since we were just smeets."
"…No wonder you were so upset I didn't remember you" Zim said regretfully, looking down. Now he really felt bad he didn't remember who Skoodge was "were…were we friends?" He asked carefully.
"We were" Skoodge said softly with a sad smile "we still are." This seemed to bring Zim a little comfort, as he gave a small grin in response.
A thought suddenly occurred to him "hey, if you're all Invaders, and you all know me at least a little…am I an Invader too?"
Every one of them tensed.
Oh, they were really hoping he wouldn't ask one of those tough questions so soon "uh, well…" El began, trying to find the best way to answer. She looked at the others for any ideas of what to say, but they were just as lost.
"Was I training to be one?" He tried instead. He didn't understand why they were having such a hard time answering what he saw as a simple yes or no question.
Finally, Skoodge took a deep breath, and took the plunge. He'd said he wouldn't withhold information from him, and was going to keep that promise. He just didn't expect it to be this difficult.
Ease him into it, he reminded himself, just ease him into it. "You…wanted to be an Invader" he began slowly, well aware of the others watching him anxiously "and you were doing your hardest to prove you could be one, but…it didn't work out." That was the best way he could think to say it for now "it really is a long story."
Zim tilted his head "so…I'm not an Invader?"
They all felt a chill go down their spines.
"…Not officially, no" Skoodge said quietly, looking down.
The room fell into silence as a melancholy cloud consumed the group. Zim looked between them, beginning to grow anxious as well. He couldn't explain it, but he couldn't help feeling he'd struck some kind of nerve.
Before he had a chance to ask, their Paks began beeping. "Oh, thank Irk" Larb mumbled under his breath as he responded to the transmission, grateful for the distraction "Invader Larb reporting."
"Larb, we need you guys in the planetary conversion room asap" the Irken on the screen said. Zim tried to find any recollection of the voice, but once again drew a blank.
"Someone complete a mission?" Poot asked, looking over his shoulder.
"Not exactly, seems there's been a development with Skutch's recent assignment" the voice explained "he says the planets trying to eat him."
They all stared at each other dumfounded, even Zim was gawking slightly. "It's probably just stress induced hysteria" Tenn said quickly, giving Zim a reassuring look "that happens sometimes."
Zim nodded with a shrug "sure, unless prolonged exposure to cosmic radiation mutated the planets organisms, causing them to develop sentience" he suggested, pausing as soon as the words left his mouth. Everyone else stared at him equally stunned "I…don't know how I know that" he admitted flatly.
"…Either way, we'll be there in a few" Larb said, still eyeing Zim oddly.
"Uh, copy that. Invader Jim singing out" the Irken on the screen, Jim apparently, said as he closed to transmission.
"Okay, uh" Skoodge looked at Zim, who was staring at his hands in confusion, and waved his own hand to get his attention. "We're going to go for now, but I'll be back later" he assured him "but if you have any questions, at any time, don't hesitate to ask me."
"Or the rest of us" Grapa added.
Skoodge rolled his eyes in annoyance, muttering a quick "uh huh" under his breath "just stay here and finish your lunch, I promise I'll be back." Zim gave a small nod in understanding, brining Skoodge some relief. At least there wouldn't be a repeat of yesterday.
The group piled out of the room one by one, Skoodge lingering for a few seconds longer before closing the door behind them. "You heard that science jargon, right?" Larb asked around "that's a good sign, isn't it? That he remembers some science stuff?"
Zee and Sneakyonfoota shared a glance and sighed "it could be" Sneakyonfoota confirmed "but I wouldn't get too excited just yet, memory loss doesn't necessarily mean a loss of knowledge" he explained.
Zee nodded in agreement "he's right. Tell me, how much do you remember from the academy?" She asked. They all talked over each other, but for the most part, confirmed recalling a good portion of their education. Zee nodded "now, do you remember exactly how you learned it?"
Dead silence. A few tried to respond, but stopped. "Exactly" Sneakyonfoota nodded "no one remembers learning to walk or talk, hence why they still can when suffering from amnesia. We're talking about different parts of the brain."
"Plus, there are different types of memory loss, with different effects" Zee added.
"Like repression?" Poot asked, recalling the current theory.
They both nodded "it's all still there, just blocked off" Sneakyonfoota explained.
As the conversation was going on, Tenn was watching Skoodge closely. He'd been looking down at the floor with a frown since they'd left Zims room "Skoodge are you doing alright?" She asked the pudgy Irken carefully.
Skoodge shrugged "I guess" he said before sighing "it's stupid."
"What is?" El asked.
Skoodge came to a stop, still looking down at his feet. "…Did you see the way he ate the cupcake?" He asked so quietly they almost hadn't heard him.
They all exchanged looks of confusion, not understanding what he was getting at. "Uh…yeah?" Tim said slowly "he ate it just like anyone would."
"Exactly" Skoodge's voice quivered "he…ever since we were smeets, anytime we had cupcakes, Zim would always lick all the icing off first and then eat the cake part" he explained, his vision becoming blurry. "But he didn't do that" he scrubbed at his eyes, refusing to cry in front of them.
Not again.
The others all lowered their gaze as his words sunk in. "He hasn't raised his voice once since he woke up" Larb mumbled "I didn't even know he had an indoor voice."
"This might be the calmest I've ever seen him, all things considered" Flobee muttered.
"He barely had any kind of reaction to whether or not he was an Invader" Poot said softly.
"He doesn't even know who the Tallest are" Pesto sighed.
The group of Invaders stood in the hall, the dark cloud from moments before once again hanging over them. Now that all the panic and confusion of the last twenty-four hours had died down, the gravity of the situation was really dawning on them.
Zim may have been awake, but Zim was essentially gone. Lost somewhere they couldn't quite find.
Taking a deep breath, Tenn walked up to Skoodge and hugged him. She braced herself to be to pushed off, but it never came. He made no move to return the gesture, but still accepted it, which spoke volumes about how hard this was hitting him. "We'll get him back" she told him softly, mustering up as much confidence as she could.
She just hoped she wasn't making a promise that couldn't be kept.
Story time. So while I was working on this chapter, my younger sibling bought all the original Invader Zim toys from back in the day, except the Hot Topic exclusive stuff I think, off a Facebook market place listing for a helluva price, and shared a few with me.
Sad new, I didn't get Zim. Happy news, (sing-song voice) I got the Tallest! (Happy dance.)
My sibs got an account of their own here, LPfanfic, who's still alive. If you love Thomas the tank engine, Equestrian girls, or both, check em out.
Once again, I don't know shit about medicine, or hard-core science, and the web sites are confusing, so go easy on me I'm trying.
I'm so glad to see people are enjoying this story, and I'm grateful for all the nice comments. It really means a lot.
Till next time.