That's Entertainment
~Jack Rose's POV~
*Sigh* As if things can't get any worse. We just through, what I believed to be, the most brutal Cleanse Hell has ever seen in centuries. It was an absolute bloodbath. Just because some demons thought they were brave enough to face the Exterminators, from Heaven, and live to tell the tale. I said it once, and I'll say it again, when the Cleanse comes around, STAY INSIDE!
Anyway, Charlie Vaggie and I stood and waited backstage of the 666 News Studio, as a tall, female, insect demon and a gas mask demon began the news broadcast.
"Good afternoon, I'm Katie Killjoy." The insect demon, Katie Killjoy, introduced.
"And I'm Tom Trench!" The gas mask demon, Tom Trench, added, "Chaos out at Pentagram City today as a turf war is raging on the west side." An image of a hip, snake demon appeared beside Tom Trench's head, "Between notable kingpin, Sir Pentious..." Then it switched to Cherri Bomb, flipping the bird, "And self-proclaimed spunky powerhouse, Cherri Bomb!"
Katie Killjoy nodded, "That's right, Tom! After the recent extermination, many areas are now up for grabs!" A live feed of the turf war played on the screen, "Demons all over Hell are already duking it out to gain new territory!"
"Those two seem to be really going at it, huh?" Tom Trench noted, as Cherri threw an Egg Boi bomb at Sir Pentious' face.
Katie Killjoy smiled, fishing out a literal tooth and nail out of her cup of coffee, "Looks like they're fighting tooth and nail for that hot spot!" Then she threw the tooth and nail into her mouth.
Tom Trench looked over to the feed of Cherri Bomb, "And I'd sure like to nail her hot spot!" Then he chuckled, "Hoohoo!"
Katie Killjoy swallowed the tooth and nail and laughed, "Haha, you are a limp dick jackass Tom! Or should I say-" She reached over and poured the cup of coffee over Tom Trench's crotch, "No dick?"
Tom Trench winced, "Ugh..." Then doubled over in pain, "Not again!"
The screen showed a picture of Charlie next to Katie Killjoy, as she continued, "Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of Hell's own head honcho who's here to discuss her brand new passion project! All that and more, after the break!" She crushed her empty cup and turned to Tom Trench, "Suck it up, you little bi-"
Then the feed was cut off to commercial.
Vaggie turned to Charlie and fixed her bow-tie, "Okay! You remember what to say?"
Charlie took a breath and smiled, "Yes! Let's do this!"
"Just, look at me and I'll mouth it to you." Vaggie told her in a concerned tone.
Charlie sighed and bent backwards slightly, "Come on, Vaggie! I know what to say!" She walked over to a table with a plate of doughnuts, "I just feel like we need to... I don't know..." She grabbed a doughnut and threw it aside, "Make things sound more exciting!" She gasped and smiled brightly, "Ooooh! What if I si-"
"Sing a song about it?" Vaggie and I guessed, cutting the Princess of Hell off.
Charlie smiled and booped Vaggie on the nose, "You knew I was gonna say that!"
Vaggie smiled, "Because I know you." She fixed Charlie's tie again, "But please don't sing!" She shook her lightly, "This is serious!"
"Well, you know, I'm better at expressing myself and my goals through song!" Charlie walked over to the table again and stood on top of it with a dramatic pose.
"But life isn't a musical, hon." Vaggie pointed out, placing her hands over her hips.
I rubbed my chin in thought, "If that's the case, why am I here? Since this is Charlie's moment to shine."
Vaggie turned to me, "In case we need proof of the Hotel's progress. Since Angel Dust isn't here, you'll have to do."
I folded my arms and rolled my eyes in sarcasm, "Wow... I feel so loved here."
Charlie sighed and got down from the table, "Fine. But I have these other ideas of what to say!" She showed a piece of paper and started bouncing in excitement, "The highlighted bits are the best part!"
Vaggie took the paper and looked it over, "Uh, it's all highlighted." She looked again and narrowed her eyes at the bottom, "Is this a drawing...?"
Charlie nodded and pointed to the drawing, "Yes! That's the happy ending, see?!" She began to fanaticize, "Everyone smiling and happy in Heaven!"
Vaggie pinched the bridge of her nose, "I don't think it's that simple." She gave the paper to me, as I read it, "Just please follow the talking points we went over." Then she grabbed Charlie to face her, "And do not sing!"
Charlie sighed, "Okay, fine." Then she walked off, speaking in a British accent, "I'll just have to resort to my impeccable improv skills!" She saluted to Vaggie and I, and walked toward Katie Killjoy.
Vaggie and I folded our arms with a shared concerned look on our faces.
Charlie walked toward Katie Killjoy, "Hi! I'm Charlie." She extended her hand for a handshake.
Katie Killjoy frowned in annoyance, "Katie Killjoy." She blew smoke from her cigarette and flicked it away, "I'd say 'It's a pleasure to meet you', but that would be a lie." She waved her hand to dismiss Charlie's handshake, "And you can put that away. I don't touch the gays. I have standards!"
Charlie withdrew her hand and looked around the studio, "Yeah? How's uh... how's that working out for ya?"
Katie Killjoy frowned again, "Look, my time is money, so I'll keep this short." She poked Charlie's chest, "You're not here because we wanted you here." She poked Charlie on the nose, "You're here because Jeffrey couldn't make it for his cannibal cooking segment." Katie Killjoy fluffed up her short, pale blonde hair, "You might be some royal big shot, but that doesn't mean shit to me."
Charlie looked over to Tom Trench, who shook his head in disapproval, as Katie Killjoy continued, "I'm too rich and too influential to give a flying fuck about what some tux-wearing demon 'princess' wants to advertise."
"But I-" Charlie started, but Katie Killjoy cut her off with a threat, "So don't get cute with me, honey, or I will fucking bury you!"
I folded my arms and narrowed my eyes at the insect demon in red, "Is it wrong that I want to kill her for threatening Charlie like that?" Vaggie glanced at me and shook her head.
"And we're live!" The News Staff member announced, getting Katie Killjoy's attention.
Killjoy rushed back to her side of the desk, holding papers and cracking her neck, "Welcome back!" She straightened herself out turned to Charlie, "So, Charlotte!"
"It's... Charlie." Charlie corrected, shielding her eyes from the bright lights.
"Whatever." Killjoy answered dismissively, "Tell us about this new passion project you've been insistently pestering our news station about!" She told Charlie, clutching her pen, trying to hold in an outburst of anger and annoyance.
Charlie looked around the audience in front of her, "Well..." Vaggie gestured a 'go on'. Charlie took a breath and spoke up, "As most of you know, I was born here in Hell and growing up, I always tried to see the good in everyone around me."
Killjoy started playing her pen, bored, until she saw a small slug on her desk, and killed it with her pen.
"Hell is my home and-" Charlie resumed, as she got the slug's blood onto her cheek. She wiped the blood off her cheek, "You are my people. We... we just went through another extermination..." Vaggie gave Charlie two thumbs up, "We lost so many souls, and it breaks my heart to see my people being slaughtered every year. No one is even given a chance!" Charlie slammed her fist onto the desk, waking up a sleeping Killjoy, "I can't stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such violence!"
She left the desk and walked toward the audience, "So, I've been thinking: Isn't there a more humane way to hinder overpopulation here in Hell? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through... redemption?" She threw her arm around a News Staff member's neck, "Well, I think yes! So that's what this project aims to achieve!" Charlie returned to the desk, "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm opening the first of its kind! A hotel that rehabilitates sinners!"
The other demons stared at Charlie blankly, uncertain what to think of this idea. Loosing confidence, Charlie tried to continue, "Y'know? 'Cause hotels are for people passin' through... Temporarily... I think it'll serve a purpose... A place to work toward redemption... Yay...!"
The cameraman snickered with a smirk, "Stupid bitch." This earned him a hard punch in the face by Vaggie.
Charlie sighed and looked at the audience, "Look, every single one of you has something good, deep down inside. I know you do!" Then she smiled and stood up, "Maybe I'm not getting through to you."
Charlie's small, winged, goat demon bodyguards, Razzle and Dazzle, stopped eating the doughnuts backstage and looked at Charlie in alarm.
Vaggie and I face-palmed, "Oh no..."
Charlie snapped her fingers and everything went dark for a moment. Then a spotlight shined on Charlie, revealing she was sitting on a small piano. Charlie breaks into song,
"I have a dream, I'm here to tell!
About a wonderful fantastic new hotel!
Yes, it's one-of-a-kind!
Right here in Hell, catering to a specific clientele.
(Oooh ooh ooh~)"
I quickly covered my ears with my first pair of hands and covered my face with my second pair, but I could still hear the song, much to my disgust. Charlie walked into the audience, resuming her song,
"Inside of every demon is a rainbow!
Inside every sinner is a shiny smile!
Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac is a jolly, happy cupcake-loving child!
We can turn them 'round!
They'll be Heaven-bound!
With just a little time, down at The Happy Hotel!
So all you junkies, freaks, and weirdos.
Creepers, fuck-ups, crooks and zeroes,
and down-fallen superheroes,
help is here!
All of you cretins, sluts, and losers,
sexual deviants, and boozers,
and prescription drug abusers,
need not fear!
Forever again, we'll cure your sin!
We'll make you well , you'll feel so swell!
Right here in Hell, at the Happy Hotel!
There'll be no more fire, and no more screams.
Just puppy dog kisses, and cotton candy dreams.
and puffy-wuffy clouds, you're gonna be like 'Wow'!
Once you check in with me!"
Vaggie covered her face in embarrassment, while I winced at the tune of music. Charlie resumed singing her song,
"So all your cartoon porn addictions,
vegan rants, psychic predictions,
ancient Roman crucifixions,
end right here!
All you monsters, thieves and crazies,
cannibals, and crying babies,
frothing mouths that's full of rabies filled with cheer
You'll be complete!
It'll be so neat!
Our service can't be beat!
You'll be on easy street, yes!
Life will be sweet at The Happy Hotel!
Yeah!"
The song finally ended, and I removed my hands from my ears and face. The entire scene went quiet with disbelief on everyone's face. A grey demon gasped, "Wow!" Then grinned, "That was shit!"
Suddenly, there was an uproar of laughter within the studio, including Killjoy and Tom Trench. Charlie frowned and curled into a ball on top of the desk with a small sulk.
"Boo." A blue flame demon called from the back, in a deadpan tone.
"What in the Nine Circles makes you think a single denizen of Hell would give two shits about becoming a better person?!" Killjoy asked Charlie between laughs, "You have no proof that this little experiment even works! You want people to be good?! Just... Because?!" She resumed laughing.
Charlie un-curled herself and turned to Killjoy, "Well, we have a couple of patrons already, who believe in our cause and they've shown incredible progress!"
Killjoy stopped laughing and turned to the Princess of Hell, "Oh? And who might that be?"
Charlie smiled and tried to look smug and confident, "Oh, just a couple named... Angel Dust and Jack Rose!"
Tom Trench raised a brow, "The porn star and the Green Siren?"
Killjoy turned threateningly toward him, "You fucking would, Tom!" Then she turned to Charlie and shrugged, "In any case, that's not even an accomplishment. I'm sure you could get those hookers to do anything with enough booger sugar and lube."
I narrowed my eyes and quietly growled in anger and with murderous intent. I'm not a fucking hooker! I'm a model and a performer! Get your facts right, you fucking bitch!
"Oh, I beg to differ!" Charlie shot back, then used her fingers to count, "They've been behaved, clean, and out of trouble for two weeks now."
Suddenly a News Staff member announced, "Breaking News!"
Killjoy pushed Charlie off her desk and looked at the camera, "We are receiving word that a new player has entered the ongoing turf war!" She turned to the screen beside her, "Let's go to the live feed."
The live feed went on screen and showed a familiar, white and pink spider demon fighting in the turf war between Sir Pentious and Cherri Bomb. My eye widen and I folded my arms. Angel Dust, you lucky son of a bitch!
Charlie frowned, "Oh, shit."
"'Oh, shit' indeed!" Killjoy smirked, "It looks like the one who just joined the battle is none other than porn actor, Angel Dust!" She turned to Charlie, "What a juicy coincidence! You must feel really stupid right now."
Both Killjoy and Tom Trench shared a laugh and waved their hands, "Ratings!"
Charlie frowned in distress and hurried to try and block the live feed, "Don't look at this!"
"Well, it sure looks like your little project is dead on arrival." Killjoy smirked, then towered over Charlie, "Tell us, how does it feel to be a total failure?"
Then the entire news station burst into laughter again. Charlie lowered her head and buried her face into her knees. My right eye twitched in anger. I felt like I wanted to murder someone and that 'someone' was Katie Killjoy.
Angry, I marched over to the main set and shouted, "Oi! Killjoy! You think this is funny?! How do you think the others will think, if they found out how you got your status in the first place?!"
Katie Killjoy turned to me and smirked, "And how would you know? You're just a performer."
I raised a brow and smirked, "Oh? You think men don't talk either?"
Killjoy's eyes widened with a second of silence. She leaned over to me and glared, "You wouldn't dare..."
I leaned over to the insect demon, and smirked, "Try me. Bitch..."
Angry at my words, Killjoy stood up and growled at me, growing an extra pair of eyes and two pairs of arms. I smirked, grabbed Killjoy by the neck and delivered a Running Bulldog off the desk. Tom Trench ran off and Charlie and Vaggie backed into the backstage. After firing the first shot, Killjoy and I got into an all-out brawl.
During our fight, someone wanted in on the action and lit Tom Trench on fire. Tom Trench ran around the studio screaming, "WHY WON'T ANYONE HELP ME?!"
*Later, On The Road...*
With everything blown over and calmed down, it was time to leave. Charlie, Vaggie and I picked Angel Dust from what remained of the turf war, and the limousine made its way down the road, back to the Happy Hotel. I gotta say, Killjoy put up a good fight. She may have hit me with a few good hits, but I won the fight. Suck it!
Right now, Charlie was sadly looking out the window. Angel Dust was entertaining himself with the back window. And Vaggie was glaring angrily at Angel. What was I doing? I was resting on the side seats of the limo, rather proud of myself.
Angel noticed Vaggie glaring at him, "What?"
"'What'? 'WHAT?'?! What were you DOING?!" Vaggie shouted, ripping her hair out.
"I owed my girl buddy a solid!" Angel explained with a sigh, "Isn't that a 'redeeming quality'? Helping friends with stuff?"
Vaggie shook her head, "Not with turf wars that result in territorial genocide!"
Angel casually shrugged, "Eh, you win some, you lose a few hundred." He laughed and resumed playing with the window, "It wasn't that bad, anyway."
However, taking none of it, Vaggie threw a knife at the button. Angel flinched and looked at the moth demon girl.
"Aw, come on! I had to! My credibility was on the line!" Angel admitted, "I mean, what kind of reputation would I have if people found out I was tryna go clean? It just throws out my entire persona!"
"Your credibility?" Vaggie exclaimed, gesturing to Charlie, "What about the Hotel's?! Your little stunt made us look like a fucking joke!"
Angel Dust shook his head, "No, no, no, babe. Jokes are funny! I made you look..." He thought for a moment, "Uh, sad! And pathetic! Like an orphan..." Charlie frowned and covered her face with her hair, "With no arms... Or legs... Oh! With progeria!" Then he frowned, "Great! Now I'm bummed thinkin' about it!" He looked around the car, "This thing have any liquor?"
"Can you please just try to take this seriously?" Vaggie asked.
"Fine, I'll try." Angel smiled, snapping his finger, "Just don't get your taco in a twist, baby!"
"Was that you trying to be sexist or racist?!" Vaggie asked.
"Whatever pisses you off more." Angel answered with a groan, "Is there seriously no liquor in here?!"
Vaggie sat back down and folded her arms with an angry glare, "I'm gonna kill 'im."
"Too late, toots." Angel answered. Then that got him thinking, "Wait! Would that make me double-dead? Hah, and where exactly do I go? To Double-Hell?" Then he turned to Vaggie and Charlie, "Sorry, you're stuck with me, bitch. Get used to it."
Boiling with anger, Vaggie grumbled something in Spanish. Then Charlie looked at me and spoke up, "Jack. Angel's you're friend. Can't you say something about this?"
I glanced at the Princess of Hell, and shrugged, "You're talking to someone who just won a fight against a news reporter, Charlie. I'm sorry, but I'm with Angel Dust." I gestured to the window, "This is Hell. Turf wars happen. Nobody cares where or who they were anymore." I turned to Angel Dust, "I'll have to say one thing though..." Angel Dust looked at me. I smiled, "Why didn't you invite me to the turf war, Angel?! That was awesome!"
Angel Dust smiled at me and we shared a laugh. Vaggie growled in anger again.
"Listen, who cares if some jack-offs got hurt?" Angel Dust asked with a casual shrug, "Most of 'em are ugly freaks." He looked out the window, "Look around! You got a bunch a fuckin' harlequin-looking babies down here!"
"You're one to talk." Vaggie smugly commented.
"Hey!" Angel shouted, "This body is flawless! Everyone wants summa me, and I've got the creepy fan letters to prove it!" He dug into his chest and fished out one of his fan letters.
Vaggie growled, until Charlie turned to Angel and spoke up, "That was really uncool, y'know, Angel."
Vaggie turned to her, "'Uncool'? After that train-wreck, there is no way anyone is gonna wanna stay at the Hotel!" She pointed at Angel, "All thanks to you and your selfish bullshit!"
"Does that mean I don't have a free room anymore?" Angel asked.
Vaggie gestured a 'what do you think' motion.
Angel Dust sighed and snapped his finger, "Ah, well shucks."
Charlie gave an optimistic smile, "Hey, come on. We don't know if things are over yet!' She turned to Vaggie and placed her hand over her shoulder, "Try to relax, Vaggie. I-it'll be okay!"
Vaggie gave Charlie a small smile. Finally, the limousine arrived back at the Happy Hotel. Vaggie, Angel Dust, Charlie and I exit the limo and entered the main lobby of the Hotel. Vaggie rested on the main lobby's couch, and Angel Dust walked over to the fridge. He opened the fridge and grabbed a pox of melting popsicles. He shrugged and grabbed a popsicle from the box.
He turned to Charlie, "Eh, it's probably a good idea to get some actual food in this place. Y'know, to feed all the wayward souls you got in here!"
He gave a laugh, but noticed Charlie was too upset to share a laugh. His smile fell and he reached over to comfort the Princess of Hell, but decided to give her some space. Charlie gave Angel a look for a second, grabbed her hellphone and walked outside the Hotel. I frowned and rested my head into my arms with a sad sigh. I can tell Vaggie and Charlie were disappointed in how things went. The reason I got into that fight with Katie Killjoy was because she made a mockery of Charlie and the Happy Hotel. I couldn't just stand there and do nothing!
After a few seconds, Charlie returned into the Hotel and leaned against the door with a sad sigh. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Charlie opened the door and a voice spoke, "Hel-" Charlie slammed the door for a second, then opened it again, "-Lo!"
Charlie slammed the door again and turned to Vaggie, "Hey, Vaggie?"
"What?" Vaggie answered, sounding a little annoyed.
"The Radio Demon is at the door!" Charlie announced.
Vaggie and I sat up in shock, "What?!"
"Uh... Who?" Angel Dust asked in confusion.
"What should I do?!" Charlie asked, pulling her cheeks down.
"Uh, well, don't let him in!" Vaggie told her, as I shook my head.
Charlie turned to the door. She opened the door and the voice asked, "May I speak now?"
Charlie nodded, "You may."
"Alastor!" The voice introduced, "Pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart! Quite a pleasure!" Then the demon entered the Hotel.
The demon was a tall and slender, male deer demon. His skin was a light grey with red hair and red eyes. His hair was short with black tips and two tuffs at the sides of his crown, resembling deer ears, and two small black antlers.
He wears a blood red oval-shaped monocle over his right eye. A dark red pinstriped coat which is slightly ragged along the bottom, a bright red dress shirt with a black cross on the chest underneath and long burgundy dress pants with matching bright red cuffs. A red-knotted bowtie, burgundy gloves, and black pointed-toe boots with red deer hoofprints emblazoned on the soles.
"Excuse my sudden visit, but I saw your fiasco on a picture show, and I just couldn't resist!" The deer demon, Alastor, smiled his signature Cheshire grin, "What a performance! Why, I haven't been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929!" He laughed and walked into the lobby, "Sooo many orphans..."
Vaggie and I pointed our spear and pistol at him, "Stop right there!"
"Cabrón hijo de perra..." Vaggie muttered under her breath, and threatened the Radio Demon, "I know your game and I'm not gonna let you hurt anyone here, you pompous cheesy talk show shit lord!"
Alastor chuckled and moved Vaggie's spear away, "Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here..." Then he tilted his head and morphed into his demonic form, "I would've done so already..."
Everything started to distort and turn to static with symbols for a moment, as Alastor stared at us. Charlie, Vaggie and I stared at him. I lowered my pistols and blinked.
Alastor blinked and returned to reality, "No! I'm here because I want to help!"
Charlie raised a brow, "Say what now?"
"Help!" Alastor repeated. He laughed and looked at his vintage, microphone staff, "Hello? Is this thing on?" He gave it a light tap, "Testing, testing!"
"Well I heard you loud and clear!" The microphone answered.
"Um, you want to help?" Charlie asked, "With...?"
Alastor teleported behind us via the shadows, "This ridiculous thing you're trying to do! This hotel! I want to help you run it."
"But... Why?" I asked with a raised brow.
Alastor laughed and turned to me, "Why does anyone do anything? Sheer, absolute boredom! I've lacked inspiration for decades." He rested his arm on Vaggie's head, "My work became mundane, lacking focus, aimless!" He pushed her aside, "I've come to crave a new form of entertainment!"
"Does getting into a fistfight with a reporter count as entertainment...?" Charlie asked, gesturing to me, as I folded my arms.
Alastor laughed again with a nod, "It's the purest kind, my dear: Reality! True passion! After all, the world is a stage and the stage is a world of entertainment."
"So does this mean you think it's possible to rehabilitate a demon?" Charlie asked hopefully.
Alastor scoffed and waved his hand, "Of course not! That's wacky nonsense! Redemption, oh the non-existent humanity!" He shook his head, "No no no no, I don't think there's anything left that could save such loathsome sinners!" Alastor glanced at Vaggie, Angel Dust and myself.
Vaggie glared, while Angel shrugged his shoulders. Feeling offended, I stood up and shouted, "Oi!"
But Alastor ignored me and continued his statement, "The chance given was the life they lived before, the punishment is this! There is no undoing what is done!"
"So then, why do you wanna help me if you don't believe in my cause?" Charlie asked in confusion.
Alastor smiled and hugged Charlie close, "Consider it an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself!" He twirled her around, "I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment only to repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pit of failure!"
"Right." Charlie muttered, removing Alastor's hand from her shoulder.
Alastor nodded, "Yes, indeedy!" He dragged Charlie deeper into the lobby, "I see big things coming your way and who better to help you than I?"
"Uh, so... Uh, what's the deal with Smiles over there?" Angel Dust asked me and Vaggie.
"Wait, you've never heard of him before?" Vaggie asked in surprise, "You've been here longer than me!"
Angel Dust shrugged his shoulders.
"The Radio Demon." Vaggie told him, "One of the most powerful beings Hell has ever seen?"
Angel Dust shrugged again, and leaned against the couch with folded arms, "Eh, not big on politics."
Vaggie rolled her eye and sighed. I smiled, "Time for a history lesson." Then I explained Alastor's story, "You see, decades ago, Alastor manifested in Hell. Seemingly overnight, he began to topple Overlords who have been dominant for centuries. That kind of raw power had never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, he broadcast his carnage all throughout Hell just so everyone could witness his ability. Denizens of Hell started calling him 'The Radio Demon'. Many have theorizing what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world's most ancient and destructive evils."
"But one thing's for sure..." Vaggie continued, "He's an unpredictable source of danger, a wicked spirit of mystery, and a violent monster of chaos, the likes of which we can't risk getting involved with unless we want to end up erased!"
"Ya done?" Angel asked, breaking the tension. He laughed dryly and noted, "He looks like a strawberry pimp."
Vaggie folded her arms, "Well, I don't trust him!"
"To be fair, do you trust any man?" Angel asked, "Any men? Men?"
Vaggie walked over to talk to Charlie. Angel Dust leaned over to me, "What about you, Jackie? Do you trust Smiles?"
I looked Angel, then back at Alastor, "I don't know, to be honest. Tales tell you only a little about certain characters." I narrowed my eyes at the deer demon, "He is dangerous, I can tell you that. But there's something... Off about him."
Angel Dust's eyes widen and he whispered to me, "You sense something about him?"
I folded my arms, "Don't take this the wrong way, Angel. But he feels similar to you. This demon we're looking at right now is a mask. He's hiding something."
With that, Charlie walked away from Vaggie and turned to Alastor, "Okay, so, Al. You're sketchy as fuck and you clearly see what I'm trying to do here as a joke. But I don't. I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be better. So I'm taking your offer to help. On the condition that there be no... Tricks or voodoo strings attached."
Alastor twirled his staff and extended his hand to Charlie, "So, it's a deal then?"
A gust of wind picked up and an eerie green glow appeared between Charlie and Alastor, who were unaffected by the wind.
Charlie quickly shook her hand, "Nope! No shaking! No deals! I..." She rubbed her arm in uncertainty, then tried again, "As Princess of Hell and heir to the throne, I, uh, hereby order that you help with this hotel. For as long as you desire." She glanced at Vaggie, who looked away, then asked Alastor, "Sound fair?"
Alastor rubbed his chin in thought, "Hmm..." Then smiled, withdrawing his staff, "Fair enough!"
Charlie smiled in relief and gave two thumbs up, "Cool beans."
Alastor looked around the lobby of the Hotel, humming a familiar tune. Then he turned to Vaggie, "Smile, my dear! You know you're never fully dressed without one!" Vaggie frowned as Alastor continued looking around.
Then he turned to Charlie and asked, "So where is your hotel staff?"
"Uh, well..." Charlie gestured to Vaggie, who gave Alastor a death glare.
Alastor adjusted his monocle and smiled, "You're going to need more than that." He turned to Angel Dust, who was sitting at the bar, "And what can you do, my effeminate fellow?"
"I can suck your dick!" Angel Dust answered with a smile.
Alastor stood there for a second, with wide eyes and a wide smile of his face, until he was able to respond, "HAH! No."
"Your loss." Angel Dust scoffed.
Alastor turned to me, "What are your specialties, my dear?"
I rubbed my arms and avoided eye contact with the Radio Demon, "I can... Sing... Dance... And basically... Perform?"
Alastor smiled and looked at me, "Interesting."
He walked away, toward the old and dusty fireplace. I sighed in relief and calmed myself from the awkward scene.
"Well, this just won't do!" Alastor smiled, as he drew his staff, "I suppose I can cash in a few favors to liven things up."
He snapped his fingers and the fireplace burst into flames for a second. The fireplace was now new and clean, and something small and covered in soot dropped into the fireplace. Alastor picked up the little creature. The creature opened it's one eye and looked at us.
The creature poofed the soot away to reveal it was a small and cute cyclops demon. She was female, with short pink hair with a yellow undertone, and wearing a 50s themed attire. With a a dark pink scarf, a white shirt with pink dots along with a pink skirt with a poodle design and yellow dots.
"This little darling is Niffty!" Alastor introduced.
The little demon landed on the ground and waved with a smile, "Hi, I'm Niffty! It's nice to meet you! It's been a while since I've made new friends!" Then she frowned and asked, "Why're you all women?" She picked up Charlie, "Are there any men here?!" Then she put her down, "I'm sorry, that's rude."
Then she looked around and started cleaning the place, "Oooh man, this place is filthy! It really needs a lady's touch! Which is weird because you're all ladies, no offense." She gasped and grabbed a feather duster, "Oh my gosh, this is awful! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope!" She stabbed a bug with a pin, "Nope!"
Suddenly, there was another round of distortion around the front counter and an anthropomorphic, male, winged cat demon appeared near the table, "-Tel? What the fuck is this?" The demon looked over to Alastor and growled, "You!"
Alasotr smiled, "Ah, Husker, my good friend!" He placed his hand over the demon's shoulder, "Glad you could make it!"
The demon, Husk, pushed Alastor's hand away, "Don't you 'Husker' me, you son of a bitch!" He turned to the load of cash on the table, "I was about to win the whole damn pot!"
But the cash and casino chips disappeared into nothing, much to Husk's annoyance.
"Good to see you too!" Alastor smiled.
Husk face-palmed and pulled his eyelids down, "What the hell do you want with me this time...?"
Alastor threw his arm around Husk's shoulders, "My friend, I am doing some charity work so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services! I hope that's okay."
Husk's eyes widened, "Are you shittin' me?!"
Alastor thought for a second and answered, "No, I don't think so!"
Husk angrily pushed the red-themed deer demon away and shouted, "You thought it'd be some kind of big fucking riot just to pull me out of nowhere?! You think I'm some kind of fucking clown?!"
"Maybe!" Alastor answered with a humored smile.
Husk folded his arms, "I ain't doing no fucking charity job."
"Well, I figured you would be the perfect face to man the front desk of this fine establishment!" Alastor answered, showing the new bar and reception desk, "With your charming smile and welcoming energy, this job was made for you!" He walked over to the bar, "Don't worry my friend, I can make this more welcoming!" He waved his hand and a green bottle, labelled 'Cheep Booze' appeared, "If you wish..."
Husk looked at the bottle and frowned at Alastor, "What? You think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap booze?!" He took the bottle, "Well, you can!" He entered the back of the bar and drank the bottle of cheep booze.
Vaggie waved her arms and shouted, "Hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! No!" She shook her head, "No bar, no alcohol! This is supposed to be a place that discourages sin! Not some kind of now... Brothel... Man cave-"
Angel Dust tackled her into the nearest couch, "SHUT UP! SHUT! UP! We are keeping this!" Then he turned to Husk and flirted a smile, "Hey~"
Husk looked away, "Go fuck yourself."
"Only if you watch me!" Angel offered.
Charlie smiled, and leaned over the bar to Husk, "Oh my gosh! Welcome to The Happy Hotel! You are going to love it here!"
"I lost the ability to love years ago." Husk told her monotone.
He downed more of his bottle of cheap booze. Then Alastor waved his hand and a familiar female spider demon with long, pale blonde hair and blue eyes, appeared in a poof of smoke. She coughed a bit from the smoke and rubbed her eyes. She dusted herself off and turned to Alastor.
A happy smile grew on my face. The spider demon was my younger sister, Samantha... Or just Sam.
"Alastor, how many times do I have to tell you not to teleport me places?" She asked him, "If you need me somewhere, call or text me."
Alastor just smiled and greeted Sam, "Ah, my favorite storyteller. Glad you could come on short notice."
Sam looked around, "Short, indeed." Then she asked, "What can I do for you?"
"My dear, I'm doing some charity work and took it upon myself to volunteer your services." Alastor answered, "I hope that's okay."
Sam looked around again and smiled, "Well, since Niffty and Husk are here... This place must really need some help..." She smiled, "Sure. I'll be more than happy to help."
Vaggie looked at Sam and narrowed her eyes, "She's sure chipper for a denizen of Hell."
I glared at the female moth demon, "That's my younger sister you're talking about!"
Vaggie looked at me with wide eyes of shock, "Your sister works for the Radio Demon?! Who do you work for?!"
I glanced at Angel Dust, who shook his head, I looked back at Vaggie, "Better you don't know." I lowered my head, "You'll live longer..."
"So, whaddaya think?" Alastor asked Charlie.
Charlie smiled, rubbing her cheeks in excitement, "This is amazing!"
"It's... Okay..." Vaggie answered in a deadpan.
Alastor smiled and hugged Charlie and Vaggie, "This is going to be very entertaining!"
Vaggie forced herself away. Alastor adjusted his monocle, summoned a fireball in his hand and threw it toward the ceiling. His attire changed, and he broke into song,
"You have a dream! You wish to tell!"
He twirled his finger above Charlie and changed her look,
"And it's just laughable. But, hey, kid, what the hell?
'Cause you're one-of-a-kind! A charming demon belle!
Now, let's give these burning fools a place to dwell!"
Then Alastor used his power to change everyone else's attire,
"Take it, boys!"
Shadow demons emerged from the cracks and started playing in a jazz band, as Alastor resumed singing,
"Inside of every demon is a lost cause!
But we'll dress 'em up for now, with just a smile! (With a smile!)
And we'll chlorinate this cesspool with some old redemption flair!
And show these simpletons some proper class and style! (Class and style!)
Oh! Here below the ground, I'm sure your plan is sound!
They'll spend a little time, down at this Hazbin Ho-"
Suddenly, the sang was cut short, due to the Hotel's doors being blown off their hinges and hitting Niffty in the face. The other demons and I peeked outside to see who was responsible. It turned out to be Sir Pentious in his 'infamous' warship.
"Hah!" Sir Pentious leaned out the window and smiled confidently, "Well, well, well. Look who it is harboring the striped freak! We meet yet again, Alastor!"
Alastor tilted his head, "Do I know you?"
Sir Pentious frowned and slithered into his warship, "Oh, yes you do! And this time, I have the element of... SURPRISE!" From the bottom of his ship, a large cannon appeared and started charging. Sir Pentious laughed, "I'm so evil!"
Alastor snapped his fingers and an otherworldly portal appeared below the warship and tendrils of shadows emerged from the portal and wrapped themselves around the warship. Alastor balled his hand into a tight fist and the tendrils tighten their grasp until the ship explode. Alastor smiled in satisfaction, while the rest of us stared in shock and horror.
Sam grinned darkly, "No-one interrupts Alastor..."
Alastor turned to us, "Well, I'm starved! Who wants some Jambalaya?" Then he started walking back toward the Hotel, "My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for Jambalaya. In fact, it nearly killed her!" He laughed as the rest of us followed him, "You could say the kick was right out of Hell! Ohoho, I'm on a roll! Yes, sir! This is the start of some real changes down here! The game is set! Now..."
"Stay tuned..."