AN: Still getting back into the rhythm of writing. Thank you all for the well wishes, too. I appreciate it all.
-Key
It had taken Olivia a while to enjoy another's touch. Years, actually. Being comfortable in her body and owning it was something she still struggled with. The rape had not only taken away her sense of security and autonomy but also dampened once roaring sexuality. Her wardrobe moved from bright colors, short skirts, high heels, and tight dresses to loose jeans, boxy blazers, and dark colors. She thought shrinking herself would not only hide what had happened to her from the world but also from herself. It didn't. How Curtis had ever managed to hurdle the walls she built and not only made his way into her head but bed as well was still a miracle. Sex with Curtis was safe, like lukewarm water when you wanted a piping hot cup of tea. She knew his moves, and he knew her history. It was like a two-step, easy; something she could talk herself into when necessary. They weren't one of those couples who couldn't keep their hands off of one another, never had been, but they were safe. Even now, as they fooled around on her couch, a forgotten film playing in the background, Curtis hovering over her, she still felt safe. Safe and boring.
For the thousandth time that night, as his lips trailed the column of her neck, his fingers worked at unbuttoning her jeans. Olivia pushed his hands away and re-buttoned her pants. "I thought we both agreed tonight was the first date." She pulled her lips from his and nudged him off of her.
Curtis was slow to move but did nonetheless. He scrubbed a hand over his face. Olivia couldn't help but notice how flustered he was. His normally tan skin was a burning red. He offered her a half-smile. "Right. Sorry. I didn't mean to…"
Olivia gave him a tense smile. "I know you didn't mean to and you didn't. The last couple of weeks have been a lot. I'm not sure if I'm ready to go there yet. I know that's why you left before. I can't promise you that-" she let her words trail off, uncertain of what she was trying to say.
"No, that's not why I left, Liv. I left because you were shutting me out," Curtis said.
"I don't know if I know how to let you in," she confessed. It was the truth. Even before Curtis, she had a hard time letting people in, over the walls of independence she'd built. The only person who'd ever really come close before Curtis was Fitz.
Curtis reached across the couch, taking one of her hands. "You already have. You came to me with the Fitz stuff. Is he...has he bothered you again?"
Olivia's lips pursed at his question. Today was one of the first times she'd ran into him since their day of reckoning. She still hadn't thought of how to apologize to him. "He isn't bothering me. We were once good friends. Now that I know he didn't — he wasn't involved with what happened to me, I'm trying to figure out if we can go back to being friends."
"Is he still friends with Jake?"
At the sound of Jake's name, Olivia couldn't stop the slight shudder that reverberated throughout her body. Ever since she'd thought she saw him on the train weeks ago, Olivia was hyper-aware of the fact that he could show up at any moment. She hadn't asked Fitz about his friendship with Jake, nor if they'd talked since Olivia told him the truth.
"I don't know," she answered.
"Do you want to know?"
The question was loaded, and she feared the answer. One thing Jake had been right about the night he'd attacked her was that he and Fitz were lifelong friends. In the six years since she'd been at Yale, she had no idea how much closer Fitz and Jake had become.
"I don't know that, either." She stood, stretching. Curtis's question rang loud in her thoughts. It bumped against the conversation she had with Fitz earlier that day. He'd asked what he could do to help. Maybe it was time to ask him about Jake. "How about I make us some coffee?"
/
Olivia sat, legs crossed at the knees, on the opposite side of the booth from Fitz. Her right index finger pulled at the laminated corner of the dinner menu. She watched as he gazed at the menu, eyebrows knotted together in the middle of his forehead. Curtis's words from last night kept ringing through her head. Was Fitz still friends with Jake? Well, now was the time to ask. Their lunch date hadn't even gotten off the ground yet and talking about Jake could likely tank it, but she needed to know.
Her eyes zoomed around the brightly lit restaurant in search of eavesdroppers. D.C. was a town where everyone knew someone who knew you. Thankfully, no one caught Olivia's eye. She took a deep breath and set her menu down.
"Are you okay? Do you want to go somewhere else? We can go somewhere else," Fitz said. He set down his menu too and moved to stand.
"No, no. I love Ari's. I'm surprised you remembered." Truthfully, she was. Olivia was a D.C native, born and raised. At Yale, she sang Ari's praises. "Unless it was just sheer coincidences."
A slight redness crept up Fitz's neck. "No, I remembered."
Warmth spread across Olivia's chest at his words. He always did remember seemingly random things about her. Once, when she'd gotten sick before a big exam, he'd brought her saltines and Vernors, not ginger ale. Somehow he'd remembered that her mother had grown up in Michigan and lived by Vernors, which had subsequently become the only ginger ale Olivia drank when sick. "Thank you."
The redness brightened. Fitz tucked his head up and moved to re-open his menu. Olivia reached out and stopped him from picking up a menu. "Can we talk for a minute?"
"Yeah, of course."
Olivia took a deep breath in. Hot air poured from her lips and she folded her hands, palms together, on the table. She wanted to broach the topic of Jake, but there was something she needed to do first, something she struggled with. "I'm sorry."
"What?" Fitz asked. "What are you sorry for?"
"I attacked you in front of your daughter. I accused you of hurting me and I should've known better. I should've...I'm sorry." Fuck she hated how hollow her words sounded to her ears. There was so much more she wanted to say but no idea how.
"Olivia, you don't have to apologize. Karen won't remember and you were hurting. I'm sorry I didn't track you down to figure out why you left sooner. When you didn't come back at Thanksgiving, I thought maybe you would come back after the turn of the semester. When you didn't come back then, I accepted that Mellie was right; you wanted me to get to..." He stopped short.
"Jake," Olivia finished.
"Jake. Which is why I didn't keep looking for you. Even after you left." Fitz said.
She took another deep shaky breath, perfect timing. "Speaking of," she tried to stop her voice from shaking but couldn't help it. The mere thought of Jake made her uncomfortable. "Do you know where he's at?"
On the opposite side of the table, Fitz nodded. He took a deep breath in. The bruise he wore under his right eye was nearly gone. "Nowhere near here and he'll never get near you again," Fitz nearly growled. His eyes were an electric blue. "If I had known, Livvie. I didn't and I should've."
"Have you been friends this whole time?" Olivia asked.
"He's Karen's godfather…"
The floor beneath her felt shaky but instead of letting it show, she simply nodded. "You two were best friends, Fitz. It's understandable. Almost."
"Almost?" Fitz leaned forward.
"If you thought I'd actually sleep with your best friend and that he'd sleep with me, why did you stay friends with him?" She asked.
There was a long pause. Around them silverware scraped against porcelain, the bell over the entrance rang, and a waiter took someone's order. Olivia felt shaky, afraid. She watched the grove between Fitz's eyebrows deepen. His gaze dropped to the table and then back up.
"Because I've known him all of my life," he answered.
If she said his words didn't hurt, she'd be lying. She used to be jealous of the bond Fitz and Jake shared. They were a set. One came with the other and Olivia had known that. She had never had a friendship like Fitz and Jake's; not even with Abby. Still, his rush to believe Jake let a sour taste in Olivia's mouth.
"When you walked in on what was happening, I thought that was the end of it. I thought you'd come to save me and when you didn't…."
"I should have. I was just…" there was a long pause. Fitz took another deep breath.
"Would you have believed me then if I had confronted Jake and you?"
"Yes."
Olivia's chest deflated. She hadn't realized up until those three letters that she'd even been holding her breath in. Her eyes studied his in search of some tell that he was lying. He wasn't. Honest Abe, or rather Honest Abe's make-believe son, was telling the truth.
"Why?"
"Because you would've forced me to confront a faulty friendship earlier. Not at thirty-two with a two-year-old by a woman who I would rather drown than sit beside." Fitz declared.
A brief smile flitted across Olivia's face. Underneath the table, Olivia uncrossed her legs. Her knees knocked against his.
"I wasn't there then, but I am now," Fitz started. He slid a hand across the table, flexing his fingers in her direction.
Olivia looked down at his hand and then back up to him. Tentatively, she reached across the table. Her hand slid into his.
"Tell me what you need," he said, squeezing her hand.
"Right now, this is good." She squeezed his hand back. His palm was room, his touch nice, and for the first time in a long time, she felt butterflies flutter in her chest.
/
Jake winced as Vanessa wrapped the ace bandage around his torso.
"I can't believe you were hit by a car," she said. "Did you even get to see Fitz or our little Kare Bear?"
He grimaced at the feel of her sharp nails against his skin. Fitz had done a number on him all thanks to that little stuck-up bitch. Olivia Pope had been a thorn in his side for ages. He'd thought he'd shut her up once, but luck wasn't a lady. It didn't matter though, he'd get Olivia to shut up one way or another.