A/N: Sooooo I had a dissection session at uni today, you know what that means right? I was on the bus. So I wrote XD Another short chapter which I apologise for, but for now this is how I'm running the story at the moment, I'm sure it will pick up in length eventually. Anyway this is pretty angsty - or well the next several chapters will be angsty at least. Hope you enjoy!
Monday Evening:
Sokka's POV:
My gaze flickers across my small boxed room, taking in all its bits and bobs. Cracks and all. Subconsciously my blue orbs slide to the photo frame that I placed face down last night. With itching fingers, I hesitantly reach for the photo and turn it over. Right there lies a picture of all four of us. Big grins and hugs as we beam into the camera. Who's in the centre of the photo? Mum. She wraps either arm around mine and Katara's shoulders as Dad wraps his arms around her neck in a playful bear hug.
I swallow thickly and quickly turn the frame over, unable to look at it anymore. 'This isn't fair.' I think. The same thought that's been running through my head for the last 24 hours. I walk up to my wall and smash my fist hard against the sold surface, but the pain hardly resonates, not when my heart is screaming with so much agony.
"This isn't fair." I mutter as my mind flashes to Katara's broken expression and my Dad's shaky voice on the phone. Don't come home, he said. Wait for the funeral this weekend, he said. Don't miss lectures he said. 'Doesn't he realise that we need to be together now more than ever? Doesn't he realise that we need him?' I think angrily as I punch my fist into the wall again, albeit weaker than the first. 'He's probably trying to pull himself together before he faces us.' I realise, but that still doesn't make me feel better. No. Nothing can make this feel better. 'What's worse, the killer escaped. How on spirits name do you let a murderer escape?!' I wonder in disbelief.
"THIS ISN'T FAIR!" I shout at the top of my lungs, not caring if Teo hears me from his room next door. 'The one disadvantage of sharing a house with other people is that there's no privacy.' I sink to the ground onto my knees as I hit the floor repeatedly with my hands.
Tears begin to blur my vision, but I don't care. I need this. I spent all of last night by Katara's side because I know how close she was to our Mum and I know how much this is tearing her up. To be stuck at uni when we should be at home grieving with Dad and seeing Mum for ourselves...or what's left of her. 'I know that as the older brother I should take care of her. I shouldn't break. I don't get to grieve in front of her. But me here? In this room. This is my time and for Spirits sake I'm taking it.' I voice silently as I keep pounding the ground in an attempt to stop thinking about...all of this. But mostly to stop thinking about her. Mum who I took for granted. Mum who always called me and I just told her I was busy. 'Busy doing what you dumb ponytail?! She's gone. A-And she's not coming back.'
My pounding halts as I rest my forehead against the floor. Strangled cries escape past my lips, despite how hard I try to silence them. I almost stiffen up when I feel a hand patting my back, until I realise who it must be.
"I just need a minute Teo." I croak out, but to my surprise I hear a snort and feel the hand retracting from my spine.
"And you people call me blind." At the feminine retort, I jerk up from my position to face my other roommate.
"I thought you were visiting your parents?" I query as I wipe my snot filled nose on my sleeve.
"I left early. They were being..." The earthbender trails off as she shoots me a slightly guilty look, probably because I know that she was just about to rant about them. And Toph being sensitive just tells me how mucked up my situation really is. I turn my head away from her.
"You can go, I know you need to write up that essay for the deadline you missed." I mumble as I rub at my eyes.
"Fat chance Snoozles, someone needs to make sure you don't destroy the house. I might be rich, but that doesn't mean I don't want my deposit back." Toph voices sarcastically and my lips twitch at her attempt to joke, but for once the smile doesn't come easy. I drop my gaze to the ground.
"I just need to be alone Toph." I insist, hoping she'll just leave me be.
"No way." She fires back without hesitation, grating on my already frazzled nerves.
"Toph." I voice in a warning tone. Instead she turns slightly towards the door.
"Oi Teo, get over here!" She hollers. I glare at her.
"What do you not understand from the word alone?" I growl, just as Teo pokes his head through the door. The sympathy in his eyes almost wants to make me puke.
"Hey, how are you holding up?" The boy in the wheelchair queries gently. The gentleness just reminds me of a certain someone and before I know it I'm jerking my head away from him. From both of them.
"Just as well as anyone can be when they've heard that their Mum has been murdered for no reason." I voice bitterly, prompting sharp inhales of breath from the two.
"Sokka..." Teo starts, but I don't let him finish as I swiftly get to my feet and clench my hands.
"Where was the hospital security?! Why did no one catch him?! Why did it have to be my Mum?! She did nothing wrong! She didn't deserve this. None of us did." I shout angrily and pull my arm back to hit the wall again, but I find a sudden force pulling my arm in the opposite direction. Looking down, I find Toph's serious expression as her hand grips the crook of my elbow firmly, immobilising the limb. "Get off Toph." I growl. Instead, she simply narrows her murky green eyes.
"You smashing the house down isn't going to change anything." The earthbender expresses sternly. I grit my teeth.
"Of course you wouldn't get it; you're as emotionless as a rock!" I retort heatedly. The girl's eyebrows furrow slightly at my words, but her face remains passive.
"Just because I'm not as emotional as other girls that doesn't mean I don't care." She spits back. And I know I should apologise for saying something so cruel, but I'm just so livid at everything.
"I said let go!" I yell instead.
"No." Toph answers in that all too familiar challenging tone. Usually it's just mildly annoying, but today it's infuriating.
"Guys calm down." Teo interjects as he rolls himself forward to stand between us.
"How can I calm down?! Do you have any idea what this feels like?!" I fire back, only to widen my eyes when I realise what I've said and slap my face with my free hand. "Sorry. That was uncalled for." I mumble, glancing away from him. A moment later I feel a nudge at my hand and flickering my eyes back to the boy, I find that he's strangely calm, heck still sympathetic even.
"Sokka you don't need to apologise. You're right, I don't get it. My circumstances were different. Yes I lost my mother, but that was a freak accident and I was too young to really have that many memories of her." Teo reassures, but if anything that makes me feel worse. Worse because my situation is so much darker. I watch as Toph releases her hold on me and goes to elbow the boy.
"Not helping." She mutters under her breath. The boy blinks twice as he looks up at me again. I don't know what he must've seen on my face, but whatever it is it must've been enough for his eyes to fall in regret.
"Oh gosh, I'm sorry." He mumbles, but if anything I slump my shoulders. The anger seems to have drained right out of me, leaving me feeling weak and lost.
"It's ok. I-I'm sorry too. Both of you." I apologise as I flicker my gaze between Toph and Teo. The earthbender reaches over to punch me in the bicep.
"Hey, usually I'm the hot headed one so it's an nice change of pace to see that you do have a back bone." She teases. I release a dry chuckle, but it soon turns into a choked sob. And then another. Before I know it my knees weaken and I fall back to the ground as tears burn the backs of my eyes.
"S-She's really gone, isn't she? She's not coming back. I'm never going to be annoyed at her daily texts because...because I won't get them anymore." I croak out. I vaguely notice Teo and Toph sharing a glance, but my mind is too consumed with grief. A moment later the earthbender kneels beside me and slings an arm around my shoulders just as Teo rests a hand on my bicep.
"I'm not going to say this will be easy because that will be a lie, but we're here for you." Toph voices lowly. Her face is screwed up in discomfort and I know how much she's stepping out of comfort zone here, but I'm too numb to thank her. Instead, my shoulders start shaking for spirits knows how many times in the last several hours.
"I want her back." I choke out just as two pairs of arms wrap around me in a hug, trying to keep the pain at bay, but it batters at me like waves.
I'm trying to keep my head above the water, but I seem to have found myself in the midst of a raging storm. The small fishing boat that I was previously on has been upturned and thrown me into the cruel, relentless sea. The issue of drowning is becoming an impossible reality. The aim? Not to let others drown with me.
A/N: That was an ouch huh? I thought it would be great to get Sokka's side of things first before we delve further into the story, since we got Katara's reaction in the last chapter. I feel Sokka is someone who will pretend to be strong in front of others, but prob break when he's alone. The whole thing about drowning and a storm? A parallel to the show to the ep the Storm where Sokka was on a fishing boat and nearly drowned ;) I just, turned it into a dark metaphor, heh sorry?
I forgot to mention in the last chapter that immunology means the study of the immune system. I'm actually learning about it right now XD
Please review and I'll see you next time hopefully ;)
23/3/21