A/N: Erm, hi again? I can't stop writing lol. I'm sure this writing obsession will dry up eventually, but enjoy this steady stream of updates till then ;) This is a bit angsty, so hope you enjoy.
Thursday:
Katara's POV:
With back pressed against the wall and knees huddled into my chest, I remain sitting on my bed just as I've done for the last few days. Missing lectures for 3 days running is probably not my brightest idea, but currently there's nothing bright anyway.
My phone beside me keeps flickering to life with a stream of texts from Yue, asking where I am and what's wrong, but I haven't had the energy to reply. Even Aang texted about weekend plans, but I couldn't bring myself to answer him, because my weekend plans consists of going to a funeral. My stomach churns at the thought. 'A final goodbye to Mum.' I realise silently and that just makes me want to cry again, as if I hadn't been doing enough of that for the last few days. But I can't.
This is the first time since getting the news that I'm dragging myself out of my room to go to uni. It's a symposium today. Attendance monitored. As desperate as I am to miss it, I know that I can't let my attendance dip. The studious part of me won't allow it. I glance to my bedside clock and find the digits 8:30am staring straight back at me. With a loud sigh, I push myself off my bed and get ready.
As I throw on my jacket, my gaze falls once more on my stationary phone. Despite texts from Yue, Aang, Sokka and Dad; there was only one text I was dying to receive. One from Mum. I used to receive one every day from her. Now? Nothing. The backs of my eyes starts to burn at the thought, so I quickly snatch my phone off my bed and shove it into my pocket until it's out of sight.
My eyes flicker over the clock. 8:44. I stare hard at my door, the desire to stay inside and never leave is overwhelming. I swallow thickly. 'I'm not ready for this.' I think shakily, but somehow my feet move of their own accord. My hand opens and closes the door, as if on autopilot. And before I know it I'm outside of my lecture hall at bang on 9am.
I slip inside and spot the back of Yue's white hair immediately. I release a sigh of relief at seeing her situated so far in front. 'Good. Maybe I can get through this lecture without talking to anyone. All I need to do is leave before she sees me.' I convince myself, but just before I take a seat at one of the back benches, I notice someone waving.
Regretfully, I lift my eyes up to spot Aang's hand as he motions for me to join him. But I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to pretend I'm OK when I'm not. And I certainly don't want to tell anyone about...this. Against my better nature, I pretend that I didn't see him and just take a seat by myself. Somehow I work up enough willpower not to glance back to see the boy's expression, but it seems I didn't need to, because the sensation of being watched is strong, or maybe I'm just being paranoid.
It doesn't matter because a minute later the lecturer comes in with three patients in tow. He rattles on about breast cancer for an hour, before allowing each patient to tell their story. I try hard to focus, I really do. But when they start talking about their families and their relief of being in remission, the ball of grief within me grows. And grows. My grip around the pen tightens to impossible strengths and it's only when I hear a crack do I realise that I should let go. It clatters uselessly onto my exercise book. A big patch of ink stains the blank page from where I've cracked the pen. I raise my eyes back to the front of the hall just as the patient says:
"My mother died of breast cancer you see. I was so scared that the same thing was going to happen to my kids..." The rest of her words wash over me as my throat bobs up and down while blood pounds in my ears. 'What was I thinking coming here? I'm not ready to hear this. Any of this. Not when...' The familiar stinging sensation in my eyes returns with full force and I have to pinch my bicep hard to stop me from spiralling down into that dark unforgivable pit once more.
"Alright everyone that's the end of our symposium. You're welcome to ask questions if you wish." The lecturer announces and I realise that I had spaced out for most of the session. Quickly I shove my pen and book into my bag before making a beeline to the door. When I'm finally out of the building I release a breath that I didn't even realise I was holding. As I start walking back towards my accommodation, I hear a distinct sound of running feet or more like rushing wind?
"Katara, wait!" A voice calls. I freeze and curse under my breath when I recognise the voice. 'Spirits! I was so close.' I complain silently. Part of me just wants to bolt, but if I did that, then Aang would know something is up. 'He doesn't need to know. No one does.' So against my will, I find myself waiting and turning round to face him just as he reaches me. His cheeks are flushed slightly from the cold air, but surprisingly he isn't huffing or puffing as I would've expected from all that running he did to catch up to me.
"Hey." He greets with a grin. I try to plaster a smile on my face in return, but it seems all I can manage is a twitch of my lips.
"Hey." I return, as I shift my backpack slightly.
"I waved at you in the lecture hall, you didn't fancy sitting with me today?" He asks, his tone slightly wounded. I bite the inside of my cheek before spilling my already prepared answer.
"Oh, I must have not seen you. Sorry." I lie. And I know he doesn't believe me because we definitely made eye contact in there, or at least we did before I jerked my head away from him. He purses his lips as he shifts from one foot to the other.
"Oh ok. That's alright! I was thinking if you were up for a movie on Friday again?" Aang queries with hopeful eyes. The same hopeful eyes I used to wear before...Sunday. I grit my teeth.
"I can't. I'm busy." I answer shortly. 'Yeah, busy at a funeral.' My mind taunts as my eyes burn once again. The airbender's expression falls as he kicks at the ground.
"That's alright. What are you doing then?" He asks curiously and for some reason it grates on my nerves.
"You don't need to know. Look, I've got a lot of work to catch up on, so I'll see you later." I bite out, more harshly than I intended if Aang's taken aback expression is any indication.
"I...sorry, I didn't mean to waste your time." The child genius apologies with sad eyes. I bite the inside of my cheek hard and despite how much I want to apologise, I can't bring myself to form those words. Instead, I turn my back on the boy and get ready to flee. That is, until I feel a sudden hand on my deltoid. I throw a backward glance over my shoulder to find Aang gazing at me in concern.
"You know if there's something bothering you, you can tell me. I'll be happy to listen." I shrug his hand off as my face screws up into a tense expression.
"I'm fine." I mutter. The biggest lie of the century.
"Come on Katara, I know you better than that. There's obviously something that's up." Aang presses and I whirl round on him in anger.
"We've only known each other for a few weeks! You can hardly say you know me." I retort sharply, but the boy doesn't back down. Instead, he meets my hard gaze in kind as he stares at me seriously, with a wisdom that far surpasses his age.
"It doesn't matter how long it has been. You're very easy to read." He answers bluntly, rendering me speechless. I turn my head away from him as I stare at a random patch of grass. "Come on, we're friends. Tell me what's up, maybe we can work it out?" Aang urges, forcing a block of lead in my stomach when I note that this is something that can never be worked out.
"Well, maybe we're not friends!" I yell and watch as the boy blinks twice in shock. As he opens his mouth, I scramble my mind for something to say that will finally put an end to this conversation. "Maybe I was only hanging out with you for your genius." I grit out. Aang flinches hard at that. I spot moisture collecting in his stormy eyes and I have to tightly clench my hand around my shoulder strap to stop myself from tumbling out apologies at the lies.
"You're lying." He chokes out, tearing my heart into pieces. 'Funny, I thought that organ had died on Sunday, but by the painful throbbing in my chest, I suppose not.'
"I'm not." I spit and watch as the boy's face crumples. I have to look away. That is, until I sense him shifting closer to me.
"Why are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? I'm really sorry if I did." Aang pleads. The fact that he isn't getting the message is really starting to sever every last bit of my sanity and without thought I shove him backwards.
It must've been the last thing he was expecting as he tumbles to the ground to land onto his behind. He looks up at me with his mouth agape, as if he can't get his head around what I did. Heck, I can't get my head around it. 'What on Spirit's name am I doing?!' But the anger at the world's cruelty is bubbling through me in waves and I can't hold myself back.
"I said, LEAVE ME ALONE! I'm not your friend and I never will be. Go show off your intelligence to someone who cares." I shout. Finally the airbender's gathering tears fall, spilling over his cheeks. 'Shoot. What did I do?!' I open my mouth to try to remedy the situation, but the child genius doesn't give me the chance.
"I should've known that you would be like the others. I'm such a fool. You're no different from everyone else that's hurt me." Aang croaks out. With wide eyes I watch as he pushes himself up to his feet and dashes away from me before I can even blink.
I swallow thickly at the mess I've just created. At the person I've just hurt for absolutely no reason. It's not like making someone hurt as much as I'm hurting will make anything better. I scream and without conscious thought, I bend the water from a nearby lake into a tree behind me, cutting one of its branches clean off. It hurdles to the ground with a loud thud. But it doesn't make me feel any better.
"Careful there peasant, we wouldn't want anyone to catch you bending on campus." I freeze at the cold voice and twirl around to find Azula leaning against said tree that I had just re-modelled. I scowl at her.
"You have some nerve showing up here after nearly burning my face off." I growl. The girl pushes herself off the tree and strides up to me, her face poised in a smirk.
"And you have some nerve for not thanking me." Azula jeers. I glare at her.
"Why on earth would I thank you?!" I retort acidly.
"Maybe for not going to report you to the Chancellor for bending." The firebender points out in a bored tone. I blink twice before staring at her.
"Why wouldn't you?" I query as suspicion laces my voice. The girl gives one of her side fringes a flick before answering me.
"You're too fun to have around to be expelled. Besides, you can be just as cruel as me it seems, if you're able to make the so called academic prodigy cry like that." Azula points out which serves as a punch to the gut. I drop my head down to stare at the ground shamefully. "Well, I can see I've done my part here. See you around peasant." I jerk my head up to stare at the retreating girl.
"That's it? You're not going to try and firebend at me?" I ask, baffled. The firebender glances over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow.
"I would've thought you were smarter than that, but apparently not. Next time, try not to remind someone who doesn't like you to hurt you. They may very well deliver. And in answer to your question? I made my brother, Zuzu a deal. No fights for a couple of weeks. Enjoy it while it lasts." Azula explains, the truth in her answer almost stuns me into silence.
"And you listen to him? Wait, I thought you both were troublemakers?" I blurt out. A slight scowl crosses her face, but it disappears before I can really dwell on it.
"I am a woman of my word when I want to be. And if that's your title for us, you better think of another one. So long peasant." The girl bids as she starts walking away from me. I clench my hands into fists.
"It's Katara!" I yell. The firebender pauses briefly, which is the only indication I get that she heard me, before continuing on her way. Soon she's out of sight, leaving me alone with all my swirling thoughts and feelings once more. I feel my pocket vibrate and slowly take out my phone to find yet another text from Yue:
Yue: Where are you?! I feel like you're avoiding me.
A sigh escapes past my lips as I shove the phone back into my pocket and make my way back to my accommodation. My eyes accidentally slide over to Aang's closed door, but I shake my head guiltily and slip into my room. I drop my bag on the ground and throw myself onto my bed.
My arms curl around the pillow as I press my face into the plush. It almost reminds of a certain soft hug from...
A whimper escapes past my lips when it hits me that I'm never going to be in Mum's safe embrace again. Tomorrow I'm going back home and for the first time in my life, she's not going to be waiting for me there. 'How can I call it home when she's not there?' A fresh round of tears spills over my cheeks, soaking my pillow through as I cry.
A/N: I hate Katara being mean as much as you guys, but she's always been on the fire-y side of things. I mean, she once blew up at Aang from jealousy, so imagine how her state of mind and behaviour would be if she just lost the closest person to her in one of the worst possible ways. At least, that's how I'm trying to justify her behaviour towards Aang - as out of line as it was. Poor guy, he's still just a kid. Well, they all are I guess.
Med terms:
-Deltoid = muscle located on the shoulder
-Symposium = a 3hr lecture where patients are brought in to talk about their story regarding the lecture topic. I actually had a breast cancer symposium last year.
Hope you enjoyed. Let me know your thoughts & I'll hopefully see you soon.
28/3/21