A/N: It's nearly 3am here and I'm wiped out, but posting makes me happy so here I am lol. This chapter is alright I guess, I can't wait to post the next one tho! Hope you enjoy anyway. Thank god this awful month is almost over, I'm shattered. Welp, enough complaining - on with the chapter!
Aang's POV:
I wake up to the sound of ringing and blindly search for the phone on the floor. After the third attempt I finally grasp the device, swipe and pull it to my ear with bleary eyes.
"Hello?" I start with a yawn.
"Good, you're up." I straighten up at the sound of the familiar masculine voice and glance at the clock.
"Zuko?! It's not even 7am." I groan as I flop back on the bed with the phone still pressed to my ear.
"That's the time my Dad leaves for meetings. Anyway, where are you? I tried knocking on your door yesterday, but there was no answer." I furrow my eyebrows at the firebender's words.
"How do you know where I live?" I question wearily.
"I know Mai." Is all he says, as if that's enough explanation, and I guess it is.
"Right, and you're calling because?" I urge on, still half asleep.
"I want to know where are you?" I quirk an eyebrow at the question.
"I'm staying with someone." I answer smoothly.
"I know that, but where? Is it in a city far from here?" I shake my head at the weird question and sit up slightly.
"No it isn't. It's..." I pause, racking my mind for a vague answer. "...It's kind of near." I settle on saying. A low groan emits from the boy's mouth, making me frown.
"Zuko, what's going on?" I demand.
"Nothing. Just try not to be out in the open so much, the heat to find you has been cranked up." Zuko orders. My eyes bulge, wiping all remnants of sleep from my eyes.
"Wait, how do you..." I start, until I realise the man has hung up. I try calling him back, but it automatically goes to voicemail. I stare at my phone for a good minute before it slides out of my grip and onto the floor with a loud thud, masking the thumping of my heart against my ribcage. 'How in spirit's name does he know that?! Is his Dad's connections that widespread?'
I chew my lip and push back the duvet to swing my legs off the bed. Nearly 3 undisturbed hours of sleep for the first time in years. My heart sinks as my hands grasp the sides of my head frantically. 'No, no, no! I shouldn't have accepted that! I don't deserve a peaceful sleep. The tortured nights helps me remember.' A wodge of guilt settles heavily on my chest as my breathing shallows with loathing. I drop my head low and clasp the back of my neck in shame. But before I can spiral further into my self-hate, a knock sounds at my door.
"Hey Aang, are you awake?" Katara's voice echoes through the cracks of the door. 'Is everyone awake at this insane hour?' I wonder in surprise.
"Y-yes?" I stutter.
"Sokka and I were going to buy some Christmas decorations. I was wondering if you wanted to tag along?" The waterbender queries lightly. 'Spirits, I haven't celebrated Christmas since...' I swallow thickly.
"Sure. I'll get ready." I reply and wait until I hear her footsteps fading away before I slump backwards. I massage my forehead before tugging my beanie down. I snap on a pair of fingerless gloves and change into a clean set of clothes before exiting.
1 hour later:
I watch as the two siblings sort through various tinsel as I stand several paces behind them. My eyes dart around, as if expecting someone to be watching me, especially after Zuko's call, but even I realise how paranoid I'm being. Still, I remain alert, if anything it's to make up for my lack of baldness. A custom for all airbenders to save them from oncoming danger. Something that I don't have the luxury to have. Not without being a huge arrowed target. A sigh escapes past my lips as the water tribe boy and girl bicker over something or another.
"...Mum liked the green!" Sokka protests.
"No she didn't, she liked the blue." Katara retorts. I scratch my head and take a step forward.
"Why don't you get both?" I interrupt, surprising the duo. I watch as they share a glance before pursing their lips.
"I suppose we could." Sokka utters reluctantly as he picks up the blue tinsel. I trail after them to the cashier who seems to brighten up at Sokka"s presence.
"Sokka!" The girl bursts with a wide smile, eliciting a similar response from the ponytailed man.
"Suki!" He returns, eliciting an eye roll from the waterbender who grabs my wrist and starts dragging me towards the exit of the store.
"Why'd we leave?" I ask in confusion as Katara grumbles under her breath.
"They're probably going to talk for ages. We could check out some of the other decorations if you'd like? You can even pick out the lights." The girl explains with a wave of her hand. My stomach twists slightly as I nod my head.
"Yeah ok." I mumble.
"You don't sound pleased." Katara points out with furrowed eyebrows. I blink and bite my lip.
"Its just been a while since I've done any of this. I guess it feels...weird." I admit begrudgingly. I watch as the girl purses her lips in thought before taking my wrist and pulling me out of the shop. I twist my head back before glancing up at the girl.
"Where are we going? Shouldn't we tell Sokka we're leaving?" I ask in confusion as the waterbender shakes her head.
"Knowing him it will bd ages before he leaves; besides he can just call me once he's done." Katara waves off smoothly. I quirk an eyebrow.
"And my first question?" I remind. The girl flushes in embarrassment.
"O-oh right. You'll see when we get there." Is all she says, leaving me to try and figure it out on my own, but when we finally stop outside a particular shop window, it ends up being the last place I expected.
"An ice cream parlour?" I echo while turning my head to the medical student.
"Ice cream always cheers me po when I'm down." She says as byway of an explanation. My heart warms at the sentiment.
"Thanks Katara." I utter in appreciation. A few minutes later we're seated at a table with our respective ice creams. As I dig in, I notice that the girl is simply picking at hers, making me lower my spoon. "Are you alright?" I ask before I can catch myself and when the girl raises an eyebrow, I almost feel like sinking in my chair. "Sorry, dumb question." I apologise, refraining from slapping my forehead, but the waterbender just smiles at me softly before shaking her head. Again, my heart constricts, but I push the sensation down.
"No you're good. I just realised I never asked if you wanted to celebrate Christmas with us, I just assumed you wouldn't mind." Katara answers as her eyes fill with regret.
"Oh." I breathe out as I stare at my melting vanilla swirl. I scrutinise the dessert for a moment before flicking my eyes up. "I don't mind. Its a nice change." I try to reassure. But the following question was not one I expected or am prepared for.
"What was it like that first Christmas without them?" Katara asks quietly. A lump appears in my throat. I look away, remembering how Gyatso would try and coax me to join everyone else with a present.
A pang runs through me at the memory. 'Is it bad that his loss somehow hurts more than my parents' one did?' I'm broken out of my thoughts when a soft hand settles on top of mine and it's only then do I realise my vision is blurring. "I shouldn't have asked, I'm so sorry." The waterbender apologises, her face filled with shame, but I shake my head.
"Painful. And wrong." I mutter, remembering that day where I rocked myself to sleep and hiding from the other kids who mocked me for actually having parents, just because they never knew theirs. I look up when the girl sighs and withdraws her hand.
"That's what I'm afraid of." She admits in a whisper. I badly want to just reach out and make it better, just like all those times Gyatso used to do for me. 'But I'm not him. I'm worse. He died because of me. Like my parents did. Everyone I get close to dies.' A pressure builds up within my lungs, but I simply clench my fist and direct my grey orbs to the waterbender.
"I'll be there with you." I murmur, knowing on some level it's a lie because I shouldn't get close to this girl. I know I shouldn't. She already lost her mum because I didn't do anything to stop that gang. It's only a matter of time before I lose her too. Either emotionally or physically. Or both. And I wouldn't be able to take either. I'm one delicate thread away from breaking irreparably.
"How did I get lucky to have you as a friend?" Katara voices as gratefulness is etched into her features.
"I could say the same." I say with an easy smile, but my subconscious is rebuking me. Telling me I should cut things off now before it gets too hard. 'But the thing is I can't. I've gone so long without proper company, it's hard to back down now. And while Roku checks in with me now and again, he's more of a mentor than anything else. A man whom I built too many walls against in an attempt to protect myself from further hurt, stopping us from having a closer bond. Yet why can't I do that with Katara? How is she able to penetrate through all those walls that I've built up over the years? It scares me that she can, because I know what will happen next. She dies.' I jerk my chair back.
"Aang?" Katara prompts in concern.
"Maybe we should see what your brother is doing?" I suggest, despite knowing that I have more than half my ice cream left. The waterbender glances between me and my plate of vanilla.
"One of these days I wish you'd tell me what is going on in that big brain of yours." The girl says with a head shake.
"Trust me, you wouldn't want to know." I mutter as I go to tuck my chair in, only to realise the girl has barely touched her ice cream as a thoughtful look appears on her face. I slump back onto the seat out of pure courtesy, but a large part of me wishes to flee. 'Yeah flee, like you always do coward.' My inner voice taunts. I grip my knees tightly.
"I think you underestimate how much I want to help." Katara finally settles on saying, but I shake my head.
"You've got your own things to worry about." I deflect almost guiltily as her blue eyes crumple slightly.
"What do you mean?" She asks, as if playing dumb. I flicker my eyes to the side.
"I know the face of a tortured person better than most." I answer quietly. I watch as her fingers still from the corner of my eyes.
"You're far too wise for your age, you know that right?" The waterbender utters dryly. I give her a half smile.
"I've had to be." I say simply and watch as her eyebrows furrow once more.
"Who looks after you?" She asks quietly and although I was expecting the question, especially after the incident in the car, my breathing still catches.
"No one." I say with a heavy exhale, eliciting a sharp intake of breath from the medical student.
"Aang..." She starts, but I cut her off.
"It's fine. I'm used to it." I insist, the lie being repeated so often that it might as well be true.
"What did I tell you? Just because you're used to something doesn't mean it's fine." Katara reminds vehemently. I gaze at her for a moment.
"It's not like I can do anything about it." I finally say and I watch as a thoughtful expression takes hold of the girl's features.
"What about us?" The words drop out of her mouth before she can amend them. I stare at her.
"What do you mean us?" I question, but I already have an inking on what she means.
"Sokka and I, we can be your family." The waterbender clarifies as she locks eyes with me. The longer I stare at her oceanic orbs the more I find the past and present merging together. Familiar grey orbs stare back at me as they voice those similar words:
"I'll be your family young one. And I won't let anything happen to you." Gyatso's words float to the forefront of my mind.
"No, no, no!" I repeat as I clutch the edge of my beanie and roughly pull it down.
"Aang!" The shout and shaking of my shoulders pulls me out of the memory to find myself gazing into a pair of concerned blue eyes. I gulp and drop my head. The waterbender bends slightly to catch my gaze, but I stubbornly keep them glued to the table top. A second later the girl eases herself into the booth beside me, her arm still around my shoulders in a half hug. I feel her orbs penetrating the side of my head, but I refuse to meet the question that I know must be in her face. We remain in silence for several minutes before I finally release a sigh.
"I'm sorry." I whisper. Her hand squeezes my shoulder.
"Don't be. I can see you've been through a lot. I just, want to be there for you. You don't have to go through it alone." Katara voices gently and I know what I'm going to say will be harsh, but I can't face my own emotions.
"Coming from someone who tries to put on a strong front." I retort and immediately I feel her arm withdrawing from me. I bite my tongue, missing the comfort, but I know this is for the better.
"Well maybe I am, but so are you!" The girl fires back, but I can detect the slight waver in her voice and I just know that I've hurt her. I swallow and finally turn to face her, but her head is turned away from me, her arms crossed as if she doesn't want anything to do with me.
"Katara..." I start, but she cuts me off.
"You're right, let's go and find Sokka." The waterbender mutters as she shifts out of the booth, but not before I grab her sleeve.
"I didn't mean..." I trail off, for the first not knowing what to say to make it better.
"I'm trying to help, but you just threw it back in my face, we're meant to be friends." The waterbender utters, her voice wounded. I open my mouth, ready to protest that I am, but I stop myself on the last second, knowing that I shouldn't continue to lie to myself.
I close my mouth again. Katara scrutinises me before jerking her head to one side, but not before I catch the flash of hurt crossing her eyes. "Let's go." She orders all business-like. I go to grab her by the wrist, but my old demons re-surface and I find that I can't do anything to amend this. 'Last time it was her fault for wedging a distance between us. This time? It's mine.' I trail after her as she marches bac to the same store we left Sokka in, to find him miraculously still talking to that cashier.
A long line has started to form behind him with many people giving the two stink eyes. Katara hastily pulls Sokka away from the girl, earning a small round of cheers from the waiting customers while the engineer student just grumbles under his breath.
"I don't understand why don't you just meet up with her like normal people do?" The waterbender mutters while the ponytailed man just shrugs.
"She's busy at work and I'm at uni most of the year." Sokka answers with a wave of his hand. "Did you get the lights?" He adds as an afterthought. I glance at Katara, but she looks away from me, making my heart sink.
"No, but I'll get them now." She mumbles and I watch as she quickly goes into the neighbouring shop without sparing me another glance. Sokka quirks an eyebrow at her behaviour before shifting his attention to me.
"What's all that about?" He asks while pointing with his thumb to the entrance of said store.
"Nothing!" I wave off loudly. A little too loudly. The man stares at me for a good ling minute before shrugging.
"Fine with me. I'm gonna nip to that shop right there to get some presents. You alright waiting here?" Sokka asks, I nod my head vigorously and wait until he disappears before slumping my shoulders.
I stuff my hands into my pockets as I kick at the floor while I walk past the rest of the shops. 'Idiot. What am I doing? I should just leave before I cause any more damage.' I think to myself, as I keep walking aimlessly.
Despite growing up in this city, my knowledge of the shopping centre is limited. My parents never believed in having lots of materialistic items and then later I didn't have any money because I wasn't allowed access to my parent's inheritance until I was 16. Therefore coming here was never necessary. However, as I walk something in the window glints, catching my eye and when I turn my head I spot a beautiful necklace. A blue locket with the watertribe crest. I chew my lip for a moment before going in. My eyes flicker over the place until it lands on the shopkeeper who waves at me.
"Why hello there! How can I help you on this fine day?" The man greets joyfully. I give him a small smile as I cross the room towards him.
"I was wondering how much is the blue locket in the window?" I ask meekly, hoping it isn't too out of my budget.
"£250 I'm afraid. Its a real beaut isn't it?" The man answers. I bite my lip. 'Not too out of my budget, I'll just limit my groceries for the next few weeks.'
"It is, may I purchase it please?" I request politely, earning an agape expression from the man.
"Are you sure you can afford it?" He queries sceptically, so I quickly dig into my pocket for my wallet and pull out a wodge of notes, silencing the man's doubts as he claps his hands in joy. "Well, then, I'll get that wrapped up for you!" He announces in delight.
I wait as he retrieves the necklace from the window and flicker my eyes to the glass cabinet beside me and spot an interesting ring, shaped in a boomerang. 'I don't know why, but I get the distinct feeling that Sokka would like this. He's the sort of person that always come back no matter how hard you try to get rid of them.' I squint my eyes and sigh in relief when I note the price label. £20. 'Good, I wont have to eat just bread.'
"Could I have that ring as well please?" I ask just as the man returns with a blue box.
"Of course, anything else?" He queries aa he puts the ring in another nice looking box. I purse my lips, knowing that I should buy their father a gift, but coming up short on what he'd like. On instinct I point at a blue arm bracelet worth £10.
"This too please." I add and watch as he puts everything in a bag.
"Your parents must really be treating you to give you all that money. That's £280 please." I bite the inside of my cheek as I hand over the money and with a quick wave I exit the shop. I stare at the bag for a moment before carefully putting it in my satchel.
The sensation of being watched has me looking up and I almost freeze at the sight. Jet black hair and striking amber eyes stare back at me from a distance. I blink and he's gone.
I frown and start running to where I spotted the man, turning my head frantically in search of him, but all I see is crowds of people chatting away at each other or walking hastily to get all their shopping down. 'I swear I just saw Kuz...' I shake my head, not allowing myself to finish the thought. 'I'm being crazy. Paranoid. This time of the year always mucks up with my emotions.' I try to convince myself, despite the reminder of feeling watched at the graveyard rearing it's ugly head. And other times. I clench my hand.
"Aang! Over here!" I look up at the masculine voice to find Sokka waving his arm frantically to catch my attention with his sister standing beside him. Her eyes briefly flicker to mine before snapping away. I bite the inside of my cheek, my old habit returning in waves as I go over to the siblings.
"Hey." I greet.
"Where did you go? I was starting to think we'd lost you." The man jokes as he nudges my side. I smile.
"Just thought to check out the shops." I voice casually, despite my heart still thumping a hundred miles an hour.
"But why were you running?" My blood goes cold at hearing the man's question.
"I thought I saw someone I knew, but it must've been a trick of the light." I mutter, which finally earns the girl's attention as she scans me for a few moments.
"Old friend?" Sokka continues, oblivious to the tension in the air.
"Just someone I knew." I state, my tone taking on a harsher edge than I intended. The ponytailed man leans back slightly before shrugging.
"Fair enough. Come on, let's go back home." The elder sibling announces, but Katara's features remain curious. However, when I turn to look at her, she promptly averts her eyes and I find my heart clenching painfully. I ignore the stinging in my eyes as I trail after the two. Sokka seems to be carrying the weight of the conversation as he continues chatting about anything and nothing.
When we eventually arrive at their house, I make a beeline to the guest room to avoid the suffocating air with Katara. I sit on the bed as I stare at my hands just as my phone vibrates. I take it out and skim over the text. The same message Roku has been sending every year on this date since he met me, because he knows tomorrow I won't even look at my phone, forget texting. I flip the phone over onto its screen and place it on the bed beside me, not wanting to look at it for a moment longer as my stomach twists.
I stare at my gloved hands again before pulling the glove off. Turning my hand over, I eye the very tattoos that Gyatso gave me days before he died. Before he was killed. Along with every other kid in that orphanage. Every other master airbender that took care of us all. Dead. Killed. Because of me.
The normal sky blue tattoos flicker white and I have to screw my eyes tight to stop the pain from leaking through. But it doesn't help. I push my thumb and forefinger into my closed eyes sockets, until I see stars. A knock at the door stops me from swirling out of control as I snap my head up just as Katara pushes open the door. I regard her guiltily as she stands unsurely in front of me.
"I'm sorry." I croak out before she can say whatever she came in here to say. She parts her lips slightly, only to close them together again. Instead, she sighs and shakes her head.
"I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You looked pretty shaken up back at the shopping centre." The waterbender settles on saying and I feel my heart tripping over itself in shock.
"You're checking up on me even after what happened at the ice cream parlour?" I echo back as my throat constricts. The girl eyes me for a moment before her eyes fall to the ground.
"I don't know what you think of me as, but I still see you as my friend, even if you don't." Katara confesses quietly and I just wish I could say something right for once, but the back of my mouth starts to clog up with mucus as I scramble for something to say.
That is, until a light breeze passes over my hand, reminding me that I haven't put my glove back on. I scramble for it, but the girl is faster than I gave her credit for as she leans forward to grasp my hand, staring at the blue arrow painted there. "And what is this? A tattoo?" She demands as I shrink into myself.
"Yeah." I breathe out, only for the girl to shake her head in confusion as her eyes remain fixed on my hand, as if examining its every detail.
"Why did you get it if you're always hiding it?" Katara questions, finally tearing her eyes away from my hand. My mind races on what to say.
"All airbending masters have them. They're meant to be a source of pride." I semi-explain, prompting the girl's eyes to bulge as she stares at me. Probably because hardly anyone is a bending master at my age. But she shakes her head a minute later.
"I don't know why I'm surprised. You're amazing in pretty much everything else, why would bending be any different?" The girl mumbles and I can't help but detect a touch of jealousy in her words. I open my mouth to reply, but she continues on. "I don't understand why you hide them if they're meant to be a source of pride?" The waterbender queries. I turn my head away from her.
"I prefer not to talk about it." I utter in discomfort and instead of the extra probing questions I expected, she simply sighs.
"Do you have any more?" She asks instead, surprising me.
"Yeah why?" I ask befuddled.
"Where?" She throws back, not answering my question which I suppose is fair since I haven't really been answering hers.
"All over." I reply with perplexed eyes and watch as she leans towards me, her arms raised.
"Mind if I look under your hat?" She questions while gauging my expression. My lips move wordlessly. 'Only Roku and those at the orphanage have seen them. Even I haven't looked at the ones on the rest of my body properly, too ashamed at what I did to Gyatso to truly appreciate them.' I don't know what possesses me to nod my head, but I do.
Moments later, I feel her hands resting lightly on either side of my head as she gently eases my beanie up. Again, her touch reminds me of what comfort should feel like, something I don't deserve. Seconds later, I feel fresh air against my hair while Katara gazes at the arrow on my forehead. She goes to lightly touch it, her fingers cool in comparison to my sweaty forehead before pulling back.
"They do look really cool." Katara voices lightly, making my lips twitch in a half smile. "Ah there's the smile I've been looking for." The waterbender adds as she gives my knees a gentle squeeze, her face filled with so many emotions and yet the one I read the clearest is care.
"You're too nice to me." I choke out, only to have the air knocked out of me when she reaches forward to hug me tightly.
"Not enough, I'm not." She whispers, but before I can reply, a holler from downstairs reaches us.
"Lunch time everyone!" Hakkoda yells and no sooner does he say that, Katara pulls back.
"I'll see you downstairs." She murmurs and disappears out of the room before I can say anything else. I snap on my hat and fall back on the bed. 'This is going to end in disaster. I just know it.'
A/N: Had some throwbacks to when Aang played the peacekeeper role in the Great divide episode and a couple other parallels which I'll leave you guys to pick out if you're interested. Next chapter we finally get a flashback! I'll try to post it as soon as I can bc I feel like I've been making you guys wait way too long for answers. Hope you all keep well and looking forward to hear from you. Until next time!
23/8/21