A/N: Feeling rather down at the mo, but guess that's what happens when you do nothing but work everyday for long hours for over a month without a day off. Not complaining, just...sad. Guess it fits with this depressing chapter. You'd think your parents being the shop owner makes things better - but it doesn't. It's just problems after another. It's tiring and it's stifling. *Sigh* Ignore my little rant, it's more for me to get it off my chest. I know I've got a couple PMs to reply to, which I promise I'll get round to. Anyway, this chapter finally gives you guys more answers, answers you've all been wonderfully patient to receive. Of course there's more layers, but this is the core. I hope you enjoy it.
Early Next Morning:
Aang's POV:
I stare up at the ceiling after spending the entire night awake as memories collide into me like a relentless storm. Finally at 5am I can't take it anymore and I kick off my duvet and put on a set of jeans and a hoodie. I glance behind me, knowing I should probably leave a note. I bite my lip and grab a pen and paper to scribble:
Be back later. Don't wait up.
Aang
I tuck the note on top of my pillow before gently pushing open the window. I hop out, regardless of the height of the second floor and land on the ground lightly. As I walk in the still night, memories of the past continue to assail me.
Flashback:
"You're breaking the rules Gyatso. You can't care for the child more than the others! We strive for equality, you know that." Tashi orders with his nose in the air. I roll my eyes at the man as I remain crouched on the ground, hidden and out of his line of sight. If Gyatso really looked, he'd see me in a flash, but the man has become the closest thing I've had to a father since the fire and I know he won't call me out for eavesdropping.
"Aang has had a hard time, I'm only trying to make him feel at home as much as possible. I assure you, I'm not showing favouritism." Gyatso reassures.
"That's what you always say! But I caught you sneaking the boy some sweets the other day. And you're always teaching him more airbending when the boy already has his arrows!" The elderly man points out with a scowl.
"I don't believe I'm doing anything wrong Tashi." My mentor responds humbly.
"It doesn't matter what you believe because the boy is being relocated to another orphanage where you won't see him." The snobbish man declares, making me inhale sharply while Gyatso widens his eyes.
"You can't do that!" He argues, but the leading monk of the orphanage, Psaang, chooses just that moment to enter the room. I watch as he stands beside Tashi with a grim face.
"He can't, but I'm afraid that I can. I'm sorry Gyatso, but the boy must be moved, for more reasons that one." Psaang confirms gravely. I grit my teeth at the news. 'They can't do that to me! They can't take me away from everything I know. Not again.' I think angrily.
"But...!" Gyatso starts, but he doesn't get far when loud shots echo down the hallway. My eyes widen as the three elders whip their heads towards the noise.
"What in spirits name was that?" Tashi voices with a frown. I watch as the old man opens the door, but as soon as he does so, he's sent flying back to the ground, inches away from where I'm hiding.
I look down at the man to find a large bullet size hole at the centre of his forehead. His unseeing eyes stare at the ceiling. The scowl that so often graced his features is no longer present. Instead, it's replaced with frozen shock, his mouth half open in what looks to be a scream that never surfaced. My heart rate picks up in fear and I snap my head up to find Psaang wrestling with the gunman whose donned in the traditional Fire Nation colours.
"Where's the boy?! I know you have him!" The lunatic demands as he slaps Psaang with the end of his long rifle. The man elderly monk steps back, wiping blood from his nose.
"We have many boys here. That's what the orphanage is for." The monk states calmly, but the gunman just hits the elderly man again.
"You know who I'm talking about. The boy genius. Bring him here before I kill everyone in this place." The assassin growls out, his gun raised to the leading monk. I watch with fearful eyes, frozen. Before I know it, Psaang airbends the man off his feet and shouts at the shocked Gyatso.
"Find Aang now!" He shouts, but he doesnt get any further than that as another gunshot rings out. I observe as Psaang crumples to the I ground. A man I looked up to like a grandfather is dead. Blood pools around him. Nausea ripples through me as Gyatso sends a hurricane towards the man, slamming him into a nearby wall before running towards my hiding spot.
He yanks me up, as if already knowing I was there and sprints with me to the next room, but another man, masked this time, stands in our way. Again Gyatso sends a blizzard, blinding him for a moment as he pulls me forward to the store room and slams the door behind us.
"W-What was that?! Why is he...killing them?" I stumble as my body starts shaking. Gyatso pauses, his stormy orbs flicker from the door to me before he crosses the small distance between us to rest his hands on my shoulders.
"Aang I need to help you get away from here. There's a backdoor over there that leads to outside." My paternal figure voices strongly, in a tone that I've never heard him use before with me. I stare at him as if he's grown two heads.
"I can't leave you! And all the other kids! They're all in danger." I argue fiercely, only to be roughly shaken by the man.
"I'll take care of them. You need to go NOW!" The monk orders as he drags me over to a small door at the back of the room, one I've never seen before.
"But..." I start, only to be cut off by a loud explosion behind us. It throws both of us into a wall, our bodies slamming roughly against the ground as debris starts falling around us.
Out of the smoke appears that same gunman that killed Psaang and Tashi, his gaze roams over the trashed room with ravenous eyes. I'm shaking so hard from my position behind the broken planks of wood, knowing its only a matter of time before I'll be killed too. Beside me, Gyatso spares me one look. He gives my hand a final squeeze and leans forward.
"I'm proud of you Aang. Remember that." The man whispers quietly in my ear as he pushes me towards the backdoor before emerging from our hiding spot. I stretch out my hand, ready to grab him back beside me, but I'm too slow and he's already out of my reach.
"I will ask you this only once. Leave this place alone." Gyatso demands. The gunner smiles, a wicked, twisted, crooked smile as he raises his gun. My heart leaps to my throat and I'm just about ready to go and save him when four more strange men enter the room, all with guns strapped to their waists.
The monk raises his arms above his head in a placating manner. The airbender code springs to my mind. We don't hurt other people, regardless of what they do to us.
I watch in horror as all five men pull the trigger and it's as if time slows down. The gunshots. The splatter of blood. The thump of a body. Those lifeless eyes that will see no more. That mouth that used to speak soothing words now hangs open agape. The body that used to hug me when most of the kids bullied and excluded me from their games is now left with a multitude of holes.
One moment I see them, the next blind rage floods through my veins and my tattoos glow bright white as the air around me picks up. It becomes so strong that it pushes everyone away as pure anger drives me. I run to Gyatso, praying, begging, that he's still there. That somehow he isn't gone. I stretch out my shaky hands to his face, searching for any sign of life.
"No, no, no, no, no. You can't die, you can't!" I repeat frantically aa my voice cracks with raw pain. An old wound re-opened. The hurt of losing loved ones tearing at me once more.
"A-Aang...g-go..." The man chokes out and I almost cry out in relief. His hands is clenched as he nudges mine, forcing something into my palm with the last bit of strength he has remaining.
"I can't leave you like this. I won't. I'm not going to lose you." I babble, but even I know that I'm lying to myself, as the light dims from his eyes.
"If you l-love me...you'll go..." He breathes out. A terrible gurgling sound escapes his lips as blood dribbles out of his mouth. My heart wrenches at both the sight and those words, but I don't have time to respond because less than a second later his body slumps completely. I shake him, ignoring the sounds of rushing wind around me, but he doesn't respond. I keep shaking him again and again, unwilling to accept he's really gone.
It's only when a bang fires am I broken out of my haze of grief. I duck, but the bullet flies past me and into Gyatso's chest, a flurry of more blood spills out and like a coward I stumble to my feet and run straight for that backdoor. I slip through just as something whizzes past me.
"Don't you dare run kid!" The voice bellows at me, but I slam the door behind me and suddenly find myself outside. But I don't stop, I keep running and running, as if the sound of my slapping feet against the pavement is the only thing keeping me sane. Before I know it, I slam right into a warm solid presence and go flying backwards onto the ground.
"Spirits I'm so sorry. Are you alright?" I look up at the old sounding voice to see an elderly man with a beard, but what catches my attention is the Fire Nation insignia on his chest. I scramble back from him in fear.
"You're not taking me!" I shout, ready to jump to my feet, but the man holds his hands up in a placating manner.
"I don't wish to take you anywhere young man. I'm just going on my way." The seemingly kind man answers lightly. I furrow my eyebrows, unsure whether to believe him or not, but I don't have time to dwell on it as a loud bang sounds behind me. I get to my feet and turn to where the orphanage once stood, but is now engulfed in flames. I stare at the large fire, evoking a memory of another time and just like that I feel like I'm 8 again. My legs give underneath me and my knees hit the ground as I continue staring.
"All those kids..." I whisper as guilt grips me. 'I ran and didn't save anyone.' Tears blind my eyes as I punch the concrete. "Not again. Not again!" I holler, ignoring the way that the ground shudders underneath me. A hand appears at my shoulder.
"Oh dear." The Fire Nation citizen exhales heavily as he crouches beside me. I ignore him and hit the ground harder, splitting my knuckles in the process, but to my shock the earth sinks completely from my punch. I pull back with wide eyes just as the man beside me inhales sharply. "After all this time, I finally found you." He mutters to himself. I flinch at those words and shuffle away from him.
"You're with them?!" I yell, feeling betrayed despite just having met the man. Immediately the bearded man shakes his head vigorously and points to the ground.
"I don't know who them is, but I'm not part of whatever happened today. I was referring to the next Avatar after me. You're him." He clarifies, but I just stare at him in disbelief.
"The Avatar doesn't exist, that's just a fairytale." I state with a snort, but to my shock the man suddenly bends a ball of air in his hand, then earth, fire and finally he whips out water from a nearby tree. My jaw drops.
"I'm Roku. The Avatar is a very well kept secret from the world, but I'll explain more later. What I want to know is who are you running from?" The Avatar asks with tightly knit eyebrows. I open my mouth to respond, until a set of thudding feet echoes nearby. Fear grasps at my heart as I hide behind the man.
"They're coming for me." I whisper anxiously, as my eyes flicker everywhere. A hand rests at the back of my head.
"Come on. I know where we can go until this blows over." Roku reassures gently. He reaches for my hand and before I know it we're flying up into the air on a jet of fire. I twist my head back, watching the home that I grew up in for 6 years burn before my very eyes. Another home destroyed. More family killed. All because of me.
End flashback
Something broke that day. Any remaining wide-eyed youth I had within me died, making me the reserved, on-edge person I am today. For all my smiles and jokes, there's a pain buried deep, deep inside. An irrevocable sadness and anger that I keep under tight control to stop the fury of the Avatar State running wild as it did that night when it all came crashing down that they were all gone. If Roku hadn't broken me out of it, more than his private apartment would've been destroyed.
I shake my head and look around to find myself already in the graveyard. But this time, I'm not seeing my parents' grave. I tread carefully towards the largest tombstone in the whole cemetery. The engraved Air Nomad insignia sits at its centre. Below it, is a list of all those children, who like me, shared the same home. Kids of all ages, from babies to budding adults, all taken out in such barbaric fashion; just because I lived there. My hand goes to the top names, the caretakers of the orphanage are written in larger writing. My fingers hover hesitantly over Gyatso's name, before I finally trace the letters as waves of shame wash over me.
"It wasn't fair. You didn't deserve this, not after all you did for me. N-None of you did." I choke out as tears slide down my cheeks. My eyes roam over the long list of names, all of which I have committed to memory. Jinju, another outcast kid like me, was one of the few I got along with. I trace each and every one of them, as my heart continues to thud against my ribcage. Flashes of the past hit me repeatedly. The blood. Those unseeing eyes. The bangs. Destruction. Fire. The fear. I collapse to my knees.
"I'm so sorry. So so very sorry. This is all my fault." I croak out as I press my forehead against the ground. Ignoring the set of eyes, that I'm so sure are watching me, because today is for them. Not anyone else. A sigh is carried along the wind as I continue to cry.
Midnight:
I swipe at my bloodshot eyes, hoping it isn't too obvious that I've spent the entire day crying. I look up at the house, all lights seem to be off and I'm having my fingers crossed that it means everyone's already asleep. Bending my knees, I jump up to the window of the guest room and clutch at the ledge. With one hoist, I put one leg through the opening when the light suddenly comes on. A stern Katara stands with her arms crossed as she taps her foot impatiently. 'Busted.'
"Where in Spirits name have you been?! I've been worried sick!" I cringe at the loud rebuke before hopping into the room.
"I'm sorry. I left a note." I add meekly, hoping that it would calm the girl. Instead she whips out what appears to be my crumpled note.
"Be back later?! Don't wait up?! How was that reassuring?! I thought something happened to you! Where were you? Do you have any idea how close I was to getting my Dad to send a search party after you?" I wilt at the waterbender's barrage.
"I'm sorry, I just had to do something." I apologise.
"Without telling me to my face? You didn't even say when you'd be back. Its past midnight!" Katara yells. I flinch at the sound, prompting the girl to pause.
It's only then does she really take notice of my dishevelled appearance as a gasp escapes past her lips.
"Oh my gosh were you crying?!" Katara breathes out worriedly as she crosses the distance between us, but I turn my body away from her.
"It's getting late, we should head to bed." I try to deflect, but her stubbornness is a force to be reckoned with.
"Not until you tell me where were you." The waterbender utters firmly. I press my lips tightly together.
"It's not important." I mutter between grit teeth.
"Of course it's important!" The girl retorts.
"No it's not!" I fire back.
"Well, it's important to me!" Katara shouts while throwing her arms up in the air, leaving me stunned. "You just...you keep hiding things from me and pretending everything is fine when it's obviously not. You just lie and push me away and it hurts." Katara continues, her voice laced with pain as she gazes at me with tear filled eyes.
I open my mouth, only to close it a moment later, too shocked that she even cares. 'I mean how long have we known each other? A couple of months? Why does she even care? I'm practically a stranger. It doesn't matter if she calls me her friend because I refuse to have any of those. Even with Zuko, I extended an olive branch for his sake, not mine.' I drop my gaze to the ground.
"It's complicated." I mumble.
"Then un-complicate it!" She retorts. I snort at her.
"It's not that easy." I opt to say instead.
"Because you choose for it to be! Can't you just let me help you?" My eyes flash at those words.
"I don't want any help!" I holler, silencing the woman. Her lips part as she stares at me. I turn my head away from her. "I'll just pack my stuff and leave." I mutter, ignoring the wide-eyed look that appears on the waterbender's face.
"What? NO! That's not what I..." I cut off her frantic words.
"It's better this way." I state stubbornly and reach for my satchel, only for my forearm to be ensnared in a firm grip.
"This isn't better for anyone!" Katara cries out, prompting that old bitterness to bubble up within me.
"Would you just stop trying! You shouldn't even like me!" I fire back, before I can stop myself. The girl releases her hold on me as she takes a step back.
"And why shouldn't I?" The waterbender asks, her eyes steady as she observes me. I part my lips, but the cowardly part of me just evades her question. Instead, I make a grab for my bag and start stuffing my clothes in it, ignoring the fact that no buses are running at this hour. "Aang." I pretend not to hear her, as I continue stuffing my things. "I know you haven't told me the truth." At this I jerk my head up and stare at her.
"What do you mean?" I query, trying to appear calm, but my heart is thudding so loudly that I half wonder if she can hear it. The girl licks her lips, as if buying more time.
"You said you were 8 when you lost your parents. But that was 8 years ago. I...know that pain will never go away, but you behave as if your pain is fresh which makes me wonder if there's more to the story. Something you aren't telling me." Katara explains. I move my lips wordlessly, shaken by her deduction. "Then you say that you don't have a guardian, but you're under 18 which means legally you must have one. I just don't understand why you're hiding everything." The waterbender concludes.
I drop my head to the ground, speechless. 'I thought I was being elusive enough that she wouldn't notice or I had hoped she'd stop probing. Now what do I say? I'm on the run from a power hungry gang who kills anyone I get close to? Or what about - I'm still traumatised by witnessing the murder of the three men who raised me after my parents were killed, one of whom was like a father figure who died in my arms after his blood coated the walls and my clothes?' I nearly gag at the vivid memory.
"There's a lot you don't know about me. The less you know, the better." I finally say, without meeting her eyes. A sigh has me glancing up at the girl who has clutched her elbow.
"Why won't you let me in?" Somehow that quiet whisper strikes me far harder than any clap of thunder.
"It's better this way." I insist, avoiding her gaze. A moment later I feel her hands cupping my cheeks, urging me to look at her.
"Do you really believe that?" Katara voices softly. My breathing catches at her question. 'How can she read me so easily?'
"I...I don't know." I breathe out quietly. Her thumb brushes against my lower eyelids, wiping at the moisture I've unwittingly allowed to escape.
"You're hurting." A statement. Not a question. No hesitation or uncertainties. It's a simple fact. I press my lips tightly together to stop the whimper that's threatening to spill out of my mouth. "I'm here for you, I promise." She continues as she leans forward to rest her forehead against mine.
My breathing picks up at the close proximity and the girl must've noticed that too as her cheeks pinken slightly before she pulls back, but her hands remain on my cheeks. I bite my tongue. 'I wish I could let you in. I really do.' I take in a deep breath and raise my hands to hers, removing the comforting warmth. The girl's face drops, so I squeeze her hands gratefully.
"I appreciate that Katara, really. But I need time." I say and watch as the waterbender eyes me carefully before she nods her head.
"Alright. Until then, I'm here and I don't want any more of you running off without telling me." Katara expresses with tightly knit eyebrows. I sigh and nod my head.
"Deal." I utter with a nod of my head.
"You really aren't going to tell me what had you so upset?" The med student queries lightly, but I'm already shaking my head.
"Just something in the past. Nothing you need to worry about." I wave off nonchalantly. Her hands squeeze mine.
"I'll always worry." Katara murmurs softly, making my throat go dry. I give her a feeble smile.
"Thanks." Is all I can get out without becoming a blubbering mess.
"I guess we should go to sleep." The girl utters, the reluctance clear in her voice. My lips twitch upwards at this.
"Don't miss me too much." The quip flows out so easily, making the waterbender snort as she slaps my arm.
"You're so...aurgh!" She stumbles, her face becoming flushed as she self-consciously clutches her elbow once more.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it." I joke with a twinkle in my eye, as I fall back into bad habits. Joking to hide the pain. Katara beams as she pulls me in for her famous warm hug.
I settle my chin on her shoulder, just enjoying her protective embrace. It almost feels like there's nothing wrong in the world. Like...I'm safe. Unbidden memories of Gyatso's hugs makes an unwelcome return as a lump is lodged into my throat.
"Is it bad I'm getting used to these hugs?" I whisper truthfully. I feel her arms tightening around me securely, almost to say that she's not going to let me go.
"Not bad at all. I...I enjoy them too." She whispers back, almost shyly. I swallow thickly and opt not to say anything as I remain in her embrace. My mind goes to that scrap of paper that Gyatso had nudged into my hand just before he died:
Storm clouds are brewing, but there's always a sun at the end of the road.
It was a saying he always used to say after one of the older boys were being mean to me. But up till this moment, I have yet to see the sun and the bigger part of me has stopped believing it will ever come out.
A/N: Ngl I was listening to the song 'trauma' by nf, while editing this chapter and it fits in a round-about way. Worth a listen after reading this, it's kinda like Aang is talking to his inner demons, such demons that will become more obvious in later chapters. ('Say you're here, but I don't feel it' - is perfect for Aang's thoughts on Gyatso and how people always say that loved ones are never really gone, but aren't they? 'Give me peace, but then you steal it' - memories of Gyatso would obviously give Aang joy, but then that peace is ruined by that last memory. Anyway I'll stop quoting lyrics lol).
A ton of parallels in this one. The whole taking Aang away from the orphanage like in the show to move him to another Air Temple. The fact that before the temples were set on fire, the airbenders were killed like in the orphanage. I wanted to do a version where Aang did see the destruction of his home which he obviously missed in the original, of course its a small scale since its not a flat out genocide, but its still tragic. I also felt that Gyatso could have definitely gone down the path of killing those gunmen/gang members, like he did in the show, but I wondered - do you think he would've done that in front of Aang, whom he looked at as a son? I feel he wouldn't want to taint that memory of his in Aang's mind in those final moments. Feel free to disagree. The words: 'if you love me you'll...' they're interesting words because they can be taken as a form of manipulation often, in this case it's a desperate plea to get Aang to listen.
Of course we also see how Aang and Roku meet for the first time too, so hope that was satisfying enough. And we have Katara being her motherly self which we all love XD Right, I'm off to bed now, but I hope you all liked this chapter. Let me know what you think and I hope you're all well.
31/8/21