This time as I slept, the dreams weren't memories. I couldn't recall the last time that my mind had been able to create new content for me to watch while I slept, but I welcomed it.
I'm standing in a room I don't recognize. The dark walls attempt to absorb the light from the space as my eyes scan the area. A large bed casts off the light as it attempts to penetrate the burgundy sheen.
"Why are you here?" a voice booms from behind me.I spin around, Kylo's masked face inches from my own.
"I don't know. I just followed the pull, and it led me to you," I whisper.
He looms over me quietly. I slowly raise my hands to his mask, watching for some sign that he is going to stop me. When my fingers graze over the sides, he leans forward slightly, guiding my touch to the release. My heart races with excitement when the hiss of the release fills the silence. Steeling myself, I slowly raise the cover from his face.
Dark hair falls around a pale, pointed chin. Full, pouting lips twitch with impatience. A scar peaks beneath the cover. I continue lifting it higher and-
*Knock knock knock*
I inhaled sharply as if I had been drowning and finally found the surface. I shakily rubbed my face, attempting to hold on to the dream while remembering how to appropriately respond to a knock.
"Yeah!" my mouth shouted groggily.
"Your breakfast. HR-3745 will be back to collect you soon," a female voice said.
I nodded, a bit surprised at the sound.
"Thanks."
She gave a slight nod before leaving.
I sighed. Taking a moment to see if I could make my mind reveal the rest of Kylo's face. I was once again haunted with another faceless being.
Frustrated, I quickly got ready, not even aware of what I ate. As my training clothes hugged my skin again, I smiled. I loved the way it felt and made me look.
My body bubbled with excitement. I couldn't wait to see what Kylo had told Captain Phasma to train me in. My mind hung onto the thought of him once again, and I shut my eyes.
Maybe she could be the one. No, don't be stupid, Kylo. You kidnapped her and-
I shook my head. What in the fuck had that been? I shuddered. The voice had been so smooth. So vulnerable. So human. But how?
I jumped when the next knock came, letting out a tiny squeak.
"Almost ready," I informed, slipping on my shoes.
HR opened the door, waiting at the entrance.
"Everything ok?" he asked.
"Of course it is. Why do you ask?" I replied, taking a deep breath.
"You're visibly shaking."
"I'm just excited, is all. Come on. Let's go!"
I jumped up, walking over and linking my arm through his. We walked the whole way with my arm looped around the white armor. I cracked a few jokes but otherwise stayed silent. At the doors of the training room, I felt eyes on me again. I turned my body slightly and caught sight of him. My heart fluttered.
Stay out of my head.
"What?" I directed at HR.
"I said have fun in training. I'll see you later."
"Thank you!" I smiled, releasing my hold.
I glanced back over to Kylo, glaring slightly. I wished I could know what more he was thinking. I wanted to know his intentions. I wanted to understand his choices. He stormed off, and I took the moment without prying eyes to hug HR again. He quickly returned it with one arm before heading back down the corridor.
Inside, the captain was standing without her armor. I noted a scar that was just shy of her jugular, traveling beneath her shirt. Without thinking, I asked her a question.
"Why does Kylo keep hovering around where I am? Can't he just talk to me like a normal person?"
"He's probably trying to make sure that you don't plan to betray him," she replied, tossing me a training stick.
"So you told him I remembered more, then?" I asked as she swung at me.
"I did," she danced around me.
"And he still let you continue to train me?" I grunted, blocking several blows.
"He seemed oddly unphased by it. Now pay attention, you're getting distracted. It's making your technique sloppy."
This time when we fought, she paused to correct me as needed. She explained certain things that I was doing which we leave me vulnerable somewhere else. By the end of the second hour, I was catching on to her teaching pattern. I started adjusting before she could tell me what needed to be fixed.
By the end of the sixth hour, we were both breathing heavily.
"It seems that we may need to reassess the current plan. I'm not sure either of us was prepared for you to learn so quickly."
"Us?" I asked with raised eyebrows.
She nodded, taking a sip of water.
"Yes. Master Ren laid out each day, but I abandoned day one hours ago."
"What day are we on?"
"Halfway through day three," she laughed. "At this rate, you'll be ready for Master Ren to check in on your progress in a month."
"Oh," I managed.
That statement made me only want to focus more; push harder. The sooner I got through their plan, the sooner I'd get to go head-to-head with Kylo. A smile spread across my face.
"Are you alright?" Phasma inquired.
"How did you end up here?" I deflected.
She squinted at me, considering an answer.
"I was rescued by General Hux's father. He brought me back, and I swore my allegiance to The First Order," she said almost robotically.
"Oh," I said, contemplating what was missing from her words. "Is that how you got that scar?"
She tensed, watching me closely.
"No. There was a fight about a year ago that nearly killed me. I was struck by your friend, Finn."
I frowned, trying to remember the fight. I must have been there if it was that long ago.
"Did you-"
"Go," she cut me off. "Get cleaned up. Eat. Rest. We've got another long day tomorrow."
I nodded. "Yes, Ma'am."
I scurried out of the room, sensing some unease in the silence. It felt like I was missing something. Like I was the only one left out from an experience that everyone else was part of. I knew the memories were trapped somewhere inside my head, but my mind refused to let them out. Outside, HR was pacing. When he noticed my presence, he rushed to my side.
"You're late! I thought I'd missed you," he said with exasperation.
I snickered at him.
"I would never do that!"
He visibly relaxed, and I slid my arm through his again. Feeling confident in the directions to get to the showers, I spent the time trying to get to know my new friend more. He explained the rigorous training he had to undergo to become a stormtrooper. He had been an orphan from a young age and was shipped off to train on his 13th birthday.
The training sought to dehumanize them, teaching them to be a weapon more than a person. HR explained that the longer he was out of training, the more his human tendencies started taking over. It wasn't common for stormtroopers to live long. Even though he was only 24, he didn't expect to live much longer.
The way he talked tore at my heart. I understood where my anger towards The First Order originated from now. They were power-hungry and would stop at nothing to smash their enemies. I thought about all the innocent people constantly trapped in a war that shouldn't even exist. I yearned for the balance of my two worlds.
When I got to the showers, my anger had bubbled up. I wanted to yell. To scream. To fight someone. Instead, my wrath caused a pipe to explode right as I finished rinsing off.
"WHOA!" HR exclaimed.
I quickly dressed without a word, avoiding looking at the workers rushing to stop the water pouring out.
"Let's get out of their way," I mumbled, rushing past HR.
He ran to catch up with me, talking about how crazy that pipe exploding was. I did my best to not roll my eyes while I also feigned surprise. I knew it had been me, but I really couldn't afford to start sharing that skill with anyone until I could control it.
When I barreled out of the showers, I smacked directly into a solid wall of muscle with an oof. I heard HR gasp behind me, clamoring to disappear into the crowd slowly forming to fix the showers.
"Running from something?" the voice behind the mask mocked.
I shot him a glare. I knew perfectly well by this point that he knew it was me. I could almost feel him smirking.
Nothing that involves you, I thought.
I saw him form a fist and quickly changed my answer.
"Just excited to eat," I smirked.
HR made a strange noise from behind me. I sighed, rolling my eyes.
"Sir," I added.
I could feel Kylo's annoyance pouring from him. He was doing his best to control his temper. I swiftly stepped around him, desperately hoping he wouldn't say anything else. It was hard enough being so close to him. The pull that I constantly felt was nearly impossible to deny from that proximity.
I let out a heavy breath when I heard HR calling my name, his boots loudly crashing against the hard floor as he ran.
"ARE YOU INSANE?!" he whispered aggressively. "Anyone else would be in the medical bay right now."
"I know," I grumbled. "He tends to bring out something in me."
"Yeah, something stupid," he replied.
I laughed loudly. He wasn't wrong. Everything I felt towards Kylo was stupid and made no sense. How was it possible to feel so strongly about someone I didn't even know? I'd never even seen his face! Maybe I just needed to eat.
"Hush."
My encounter with Kylo had somehow managed to relax me enough to not blow anything else up while I ate. Even listening to more of HR's recollections over the years. My anger was now replaced with a determination to fix it all.
Eventually, the conversation died down, and he took me back to my room. Once again, I hugged him goodbye, this time receiving a squeeze in return.
"Thank you," he whispered in my ear.
"Wait, do you want to stay a little longer?"
He hesitated a moment while I held my breath.
"I can't stay long, but it would be nice."
He sat on the bed next to me, removing his helmet.
"Do you have to sleep in that?" I asked.
He laughed.
"No. We're supposed to wear it when we're not in our quarters, so it's not often that you'll see a stormtrooper without their armor unless you are also a stormtrooper."
"So, they don't see you as human?" I growled.
"Probably," he said quietly.
I kicked my shoes off and turned towards him with my legs crossed. It was weird talking to a face and not a helmet.
"Well, I see you as a human. And I'm very grateful to have you as my friend."
He turned his head slightly, revealing a sad smile.
"It's been a long time since I've been able to just talk to someone. Not worrying about getting in trouble or overstepping. You just make it comfortable. It's nice."
I smiled gently, removing his glove and holding his hand in mine.
"It's been nice for me, too. Captain Phasma lets down her walls sometimes, but I think she'll be slightly harder to crack than you."
I winked at him, causing a blush to paint his cheeks.
"I really should let you rest. You've got an early morning."
I released his hand, returning the glove I removed and following him to the door. I leaned in to kiss him lightly on the cheek before he put his helmet on.
"Thank you. See you in the morning," I said, laughing at the cherry color of his face.
"Sleep well, Astra."
I flopped onto the mattress with a sigh, trying to unravel my emotions from the day. Between my dream and the interactions, I couldn't figure out what feeling went where.
What are you, Kylo? I thought to myself.
With a sigh, I closed my eyes, slowly drifting to sleep as I tried to untangle the mystery.