The next few weeks I continued to strengthen my relationships with Phasma and HR. Training was going great in all aspects. I was still flying through the plan ahead of schedule, and I had settled on helping to repair the ships on my off days.

HR and I, though flirty, didn't seem to have any chemistry beyond friendship. Or, rather, if we did, I was too distracted by my obsession with Kylo. He filled my dreams. He seemed to be around every corner, just watching. He was invading my life.

And now, I had finally made it to my last day of Plan B training. Captain Phasma had managed to take on somewhat of a mother figure for me over the last month, and I wasn't sure that I was ready to let that go. Part of me wanted to purposely fail against Kylo so that I could stay with her, but the other part...

I sighed knowing I hadn't slept nearly enough for what was ahead of me. When the first knock came on my door, I groaned. I knew I should eat, but my stomach had started twisting into knots. I mumbled my thanks for the food and rolled myself out of bed.

The next hour flew by. I had barely eaten. I wasn't dressed. My hair was a matted mess.

"Astra?"

"Hey, HR."

"Are you alright?" he asked, removing his helmet.

"Yeah. I just didn't sleep well. And maybe it's possible that I could maybe possibly be a little nervous," I replied with a grimace.

"I figured. That's why I'm a little early," he smiled.

I relaxed back a bit, thankful for him knowing me well enough to give me more time with his calming presence.

"How can I help?" he inquired.

"Uuuuuugh. Can you get my clothes out? I'll eat real quick."

"Aye, aye!"

I rolled my eyes, shoveling the plate of food into my mouth in three bites. HR took my plate, handing me my outfit, and helping me up. I shuffled to the bathroom, taking care of everything as quickly as I could manage.

My hair refused to cooperate, so I ended up wrapping two messy braids around my head. The reflection in the mirror slammed a memory painfully back into my head. I screamed out, falling backward onto the floor.

"Astra?!"

HR threw the door open, taking me into his arms. I was sweating and shaking, my heart pounding in my chest. I curled into his lap, letting him comfort me as I began to cry.

"Astra?" he prodded gently.

"Leia," I squeaked.

I felt him tense slightly at the name.

"She was what Phasma has now become to me."

"What?" HR asked.

I shook my head, trying to figure out the right words. I remembered her face, her kind smile, and her hair wrapped around her head just as mine was now. I remembered how she made me feel.

Let's not tell anyone else about this just yet.

Her words had my head spinning and my heart aching.

"She was so kind to me. I think we loved each other like family. She is the only person who holds my secret."

"What secret?" he whispered.

"I'm a Gray Jedi," I replied before I could stop myself.

"Oh. What does that mean for today?"

I relaxed when he didn't dwell on me remembering that I used to be his enemy.

"Nothing. Nothing will change. I still can't remember how to control the Force. I can't remember my own name. I need to figure out what draws me to Kylo," I said, pulling myself to sitting.

"Just tell me what I can do."

I awarded him a small smile. I wished I could tell him what I needed to fix everything, but I didn't think it was actually something he could help with. Instead, I would accept the one thing I knew he could offer: support. I attempted to stand, and he quickly brought us both upright.

"Take me to my training," I commanded, smirking to myself that he so easily fell into his role of support.

"Absolutely," he winked before sliding his helmet back on.

I noted that he had failed to lock my door as we made our way down the hall. I thought about pointing it out, but I figured as long as nobody found out, it wouldn't cause him harm. I wasn't even sure why they still deemed it necessary. Clearly I wasn't planning on leaving.

The food I had eaten started fueling my body shortly before we reached the training room. I no longer felt like HR's presence was required for me to walk. Instead, it was simply welcomed.

"Promise me you'll stay safe. I don't know what I'd do without you," he said quietly to me outside the room.

"I promise," I said, pulling him in for a tight hug.

"Now, go get 'em, tiger."

I laughed loudly, throwing my hand over my mouth.

He shook his head at me then took off down the hall to complete his daily tasks. I took a large breath, my hand holding the doorknob for a long moment before I was finally able to step inside.

The room was more dimly lit than usual. I briefly wondered if I was early. A beat later, I was diving sideways to avoid Phasma's attack. Rolling back to my feet, I sprinted to the weapon rack. With a slide, I grasped the closest stick, whirling around just in time to block her blow.

Dodging her next few attacks, I let her back me towards a wall. When we got in range, I flashed a cocky smile before turning to run up the wall. Unlike the first time I had tried this, I looped my legs around her, tossing her to the ground.

Her stick barely missed my cheek when she countered me. We then balanced out, both on an offensive defense. I wasn't entirely sure what Kylo was looking for, but I didn't want to end the fight too quickly.

I kept going until my body threatened to fail me, and then I pushed more. I knew I had to prove myself soon or I'd be too weak and fail. Taking a deep breath, I dug my feet into the ground and crouched. A blink later, I shot myself to the side into an aikido roll, pushing into a flip when I popped up.

This time as I soared over Phasma, I kicked her arm, grabbing her weapon with my thighs. When I landed, I wielded both weapons, pointing them at her neck. She beamed proudly at me for a moment before spinning around to the shadows.

"As you see, Lord Ren, Astra has grown beyond my ability to train her further."

"Yes. Impressive. You've done well, Phasma. Now leave us. We have much work still to do."

She bowed, shooting me a concerned look as she passed by. My eyes followed her until the door has closed behind her. When I shifted my focus back to Kylo, he was uncomfortably close. My heart fluttered.

"What changed?" he asked.

"I'm sorry?" I replied, unable to control the rude tone in my voice.

"You're different than yesterday. What changed?" he said more aggressively, closing the distance between us more.

My thoughts went haywire. Between fighting the urge to rip off his mask and trying to bury the memories of Leia, I was becoming frantic.

He grabbed my wrist, the action oddly soothing.

"You must learn to control your mind."

I simply nodded without fully comprehending his words.

"If you cannot learn to control your mind, you will never be able to control the Force. The fatigue your body feels right now won't matter if you have that."

I tried hard to apply something tangible to his words. How could I control something that seemed to be so completely out of my control? My mind had deceived me the moment I lost memories that had once been so dear to me. And now I was trying to take the reigns back.

"Your mind will only deceive you as much as you allow it to."

I snapped my eyes to his masked face. Why was he acting like this was somehow my fault? I didn't ask to get amnesia. I didn't ask for him to kidnap me. I didn't ask him to read my thoughts.

"Then learn to block me," he snapped.

"I can't," I growled.

"You can, and you will. Try harder."

I could feel him pushing deeper into my thoughts, lingering on more intimate moments between me and HR.

"GET OUT!" I cried.

"Make me," he snapped back.

"I can't!"

"Yes. You can. Do it."

"No," I said through gritted teeth.

My stubborn defiance refused his commands, but I knew I just wanted to test him. I wanted to see how far I could push.

"What did you say?"

"I said. No," I growled.

He raised a gloved hand to strike me, his temper winning the best of him. I reactively reached up to block, feeling his anger rolling off of him.

Before I could so much as attempt another move, he swiftly pinned my arm behind my back, pulling me into his thigh. I froze when his hand struck my upturned bottom repeatedly. Before I could find my voice, he stopped, placing me back on my own feet.

He stuck a gloved finger in my face while I attempted to bury my excitement from everything that had just transpired. My face flushed, and I squeezed tears back into my eyes.

"Don't ever defy an order again."

I stared at him wordlessly, desperately trying to mask my bubbling emotions. His direct attention was stirring up the feelings I had been working so hard to snuff out the last month. I was dangerously close to giving in to my more primal urges.

His masked head tilted slightly before he stormed out of the room, leaving me with my own thoughts.

I immediately dropped to my knees, shuddering with overwhelming pleasure. I needed to get away from here. Now. Not caring that no one was there to escort me, I took off towards my room. I needed release before I exploded.

Rushing into my room, I went into the bathroom, slamming the door and struggling to remove the clothing preventing me from touching myself. The knot in my stomach kept building each time I replayed the events in my mind. I was nearly reaching climax from that alone.

When I finally got past my barriers, it didn't take much for me to start writhing on the floor through an intense orgasm. As I lay panting on the cold tile, I noted that my toothbrush was now floating above me.

"Aw, what the hell," I said to myself.

As clarity returned, I experienced a moment of panic. Having already upset Kylo enough to storm out of my training early, I wasn't sure how he would react to me leaving without my trusty escort. I cleaned myself up as best I could and resolved to stay in my room until someone came for me.

It wasn't long before there was a frantic knock at my door.

"I'm here, HR," I called out from the bed.

"Thank the stars. When I got called to Kylo's quarters I thought that was the end."

"You what?!" I interrupted, sitting up.

He removed his helmet, but I couldn't process his array of emotions.

"He was, uh, worried about you making it back to your room after what happened during training."

"Yeah. I'm sure he said those words exactly," I scoffed.

"Well, no. It was more something like 'I need you to go to Astra's room and make sure she's alright. There was... an incident during training.' Then he slammed the door in my face."

I chuckled at his impression of Kylo for a moment, then reeled back as I processed his words.

"But... I don't understand," I whispered.

"I thought he hurt you, Astra. I thought I'd find some mangled version of you bleeding out."

He yanked me up into a tight hug. I could feel him trembling slightly. A shaky breath tickled against my ear.

"I'm fine," I reassured, squeezing him against me. "I just managed to piss him off enough that he stormed out."

He pulled away, holding my shoulders in his hands. He stared at me incredulously.

"How could you possibly have made him that upset and not have any sign of injury. Did he use the Force choke?!"

I laughed again.

"No. I promise he didn't hurt me."

HR frowned, studying me closely.

"I just don't understand."

"Join the club!" I shouted.

He chuckled lightly.

"He must really need you for something if he won't even hurt you."

"Or maybe I'm just so impressive that the thought of him trying something scares him to death!" I feigned surprise.

He laughed more heartily.

"Come on. Let's get you to the showers. You stink."

I laughed awkwardly, turning to hide my blush.

"Yeah. I probably should."

I lifted my arm and smelled beneath it, pretending to gag. HR's blue eyes twinkled as he laughed, then his face disappeared behind his helmet once again.

I spent the rest of the day following HR around as he completed his duties. We caught wind of a repair team being summoned to Kylo's quarters, and I did my best not to react. I just hoped that didn't mean there was a chance of running into him, but I'd been lucky thus far.

After dinner, I quickly said my goodbyes to HR after he walked me to my door. When I was alone, I replayed what Kylo had told HR. Part of me wondered how much Kylo actually cared about my well-being. Another part of me wondered if he just wanted to fuck with HR. But, then, how did Kylo know I was back in my room? Or had he heard me thinking about the fact that HR hadn't locked my door and now he was going to be punished?

I let out a shout of frustration. The sound was loud in the silence of the room. Running my hands over my face, I tried to focus on calming myself. Kylo had been right, I needed to be able to control myself better. Next time he tried to force himself into my mind, I would fight back.