I stood, staring where Kylo had just been. Where was he going? Had it been planned? When would he be coming back? Who would he have left behind with answers? My chest started to tighten. My breath forced.

"Come on. Let's see if we can get you answers," HR said, scooping me up in his arms and walking as quickly as he could back inside.

When we passed through the doors, we were met with chaos. During the few short hours since I had left training, everything had changed. The lack of interest from everyone when HR and I made our way outside initially now made sense. Everyone was preparing to leave.

I clung tightly to HR, attempting to use him to calm myself enough to access the Force. The panic blended with anger and hurt were blocking me, making me more unstable. It was impossible to focus enough, wavering between wanting to cry, scream, and shutdown. When we got back to my room, HR gently set me on the couch, quickly putting his armor back on.

"Where are you going?"

"If I'm going to get any answers, I need to be in proper attire," he said, worry creeping through his voice.

"But--"

"Stay here. I'll come back for you," he said sternly.

I wanted to argue with him, but I felt utterly exhausted. So, instead, I simply nodded. There was no point in upsetting him more. I knew he was going out on a limb for me.

"Thank you," he said quietly before rushing back out.

I sighed, sinking into the couch more for a moment. The quiet without HR there made me anxious. Standing, I headed to get myself something to drink. When I reached the kitchen, something caught my eye. A note addressed to me. With a shaky hand, I grabbed it, opening it up.

Astra,

I know these words probably won't mean much to you, but I don't care for Rey the way I care for you. I thought maybe I once did, but I was wrong. Snoke connected us through the Force. That connection pulled part of me back to the light. The feelings I had been repressing were revealed through her. I was convinced that I needed her to succeed and to reach my peak power. Now I see all she does is make me weak. She makes me forget who I am. Who I want to be. So, I'm going to end it once and for all. I'm going to retrieve a Wayfinder to lead me to Exogol. I know the answers I seek lie here. When I return, I will be more powerful than before, and together, we can rule the galaxy.

-Kylo

Fear coursed through my veins. This wasn't what I wanted for him. I didn't want to push him to be all consumed by the dark side. I wanted to balance his struggle between light and dark. I wanted to help him exist equally on both sides. If he succeeded, I knew I would lose him forever. I regretted my anger towards him. We were all flawed. I should have listened to him sooner.

Now, I suddenly felt trapped. I couldn't let him kill Rey. As much as I wanted her out of the picture, out of his mind, I couldn't let him give up the last of his light for that. I needed to find a way to get to him. I had to make him stop. But I had no idea how to get to him. I had no way to reach him. I needed a ship. And direction.

I sighed, clutching Kylo's letter to my chest as I sunk back into the couch. I was overwhelmed and completely exhausted. As my head fell back into the cushion, my eyes slowly closed.

"Astra?" a voice whispered into my ear.

"Kylo?" I replied, still half asleep.

"Astra? I have Captain Phasma with me," HR tried again.

I jerked awake, my face burning with embarrassment. The letter Kylo had written me was still in my hand, so I shoved it in my pocket, shooting up to stand. Phasma seemed unphased by anything happening, though she did look slightly concerned as she glanced over at me.

"He went to find Exogol," I blurted out.

That made Phasma frown.

"Yes. I was brought here to inform you of this. How did you--"

"He left me a letter," I interrupted.

She nodded tersely.

"Well, HR-37--"

"Just HR," I cut her off.

Her nostrils flared slightly.

"He told me that you needed to know where Kylo had gone, so here I am."

"How do we get to Exogol?" I asked.

"We don't. Not without a Wayfinder. There are only two for Exogol."

I felt defeat creeping up through me once again. This all seemed so entirely impossible.

"Look, Astra. I'm going to be frank with you. The mindset Kylo was in when he left... Well, nothing will get in his way. I doubt even you could stop him if you managed to track him down. It's too dangerous," Phasma said.

"I don't care. I'm going to find a way to him one way or another."

She smiled and nodded her head.

"In that case, I will do whatever I can to assist you."

"As will I," HR added.

I stood there, stunned.

"But, why?" I eventually managed.

"I'm tired of this war. Things have changed, and I'm not sure I want to be on this side. And I've seen the change you caused in Kylo. Some of the pain that pulls at him constantly subsides when you're nearby. It allows space for the rest of us to see that maybe our cause needs to be modified."

I threw my arms around her, squeezing tight. She only hesitated a moment before returning the sentiment, kissing the top of my head before releasing me.

"Thank you. Both of you. I can't express my gratitude with words."

"I think it would probably be best for you to get some sleep before we even attempt to follow him. You're not going to be helpful to anyone in your current state," HR said softly.

"But what about--"

"Captain Phasma and I will start putting a plan together. Please just rest. I promise we will keep you involved as much as possible. Now, go," he pointed to my bedroom.

I pouted, not wanting to be sent to bed like a child. Before I could agree to his direction, my stomach grumbled loudly.

"Ok, but after I grab a snack."

He chuckled while Phasma simply smiled.

"We'll be back to check in on you later. Get some rest," Phasma said, pushing HR towards the door.

"Thank you both. Truly."

I watched them leave before grabbing the last of the food I hadn't finished from earlier. After scarfing that down, I went and prepped for a nap.

As I settled down into the bed, exhaustion took over my body, allowing my mind to take over. Too tired to dwell upon speculation, I let myself hone in on what I knew. Kylo had kissed me. Thrice. I let my emotions swarm my senses, using the Force to reach out as far as I could.

I found myself at peace yet again, simply existing where I was. The fatigue in my body healing from the energy around me, taking away my pain. Soon, I was drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

"Lana! Where the heck have you been? I was lookin all over for you!"

"Sorry, Poe. I got distracted practicing," I reply."

Practicing what?! What could possibly be more important than practicing flying a ship? You've got the potential to be my best pilot, and you're off, what, swinging sticks around?"

I laugh.

"It's a lightsaber, and I'm perfectly capable of flying a ship. I was doing it before you came along."

"Not well," he murmurs.

"Hey!"

I toss a rag at him, thinking about how simple life was before the war started up again. I was home with my family. We were happy. Things were easy. I joined the Resistance to protect them, but I still never felt like that was enough. I needed the war to end so they could live in peace.

I woke with a start. I knew how to fly a ship. The concept made chasing after Kylo more obtainable in my mind. Me. Lana. Astra. The girl from the stars. The girl who lost her memories on a mission gone awry.

I could feel parts of my past returning, seeping back into the forefront of my mind. Faces of my previous life slowly returning. I clung tightly to it all, trying not to do anything to disrupt it.

"General Organa," I bow.

"Please, dear. No formalities. It's just us," she replies with a weak smile.

"Are you alright, Leia?" my voice filled with concern.

"I'm afraid I'm losing Ben. His struggle used to be much greater, but with each pain, he gives up a little bit more. But I still have hope."

"How?! He tried to kill you! You nearly died!"

She chuckles, shaking her head.

"No. He didn't. He never attacked. I know he's been broken, but I haven't lost hope. I regret many of the mistakes made while raising him. We were so scared that he would end up like his grandfather that we ended up pushing him to become just that. We drove him away, but I know my Ben is still in there. I see glimpses of him. This time, I'm not giving up on him."

"How can you just forgive him like that? He killed his own father. Your husband!"

"Yes. And he thought it would destroy his pull to the light, but I felt how completely wrong he was."

I shake my head incredulously."

I just can't see it. How was there ever someone good behind that mask?"

"He was always a bright, talented child. Too talented. It scared us, and we broke him because of it. He used to be so kind and such a smart-ass like his father. The two were one and the same. I think that stubborn streak caused the wedge between them, and when Luke saw that Ben could become Kylo, Han blamed himself. From there, the rift only grew. And we let it," she pauses, hanging her head as tears fall from her eyes.

I grab her hand. I want to tell her that it will be fine, that we will bring Kylo back to the light. But that's not what I want. I want to bring Ben back, but I don't want to snuff out his dark. I want it to exist, but not rule. The extremes of either side muddy a situation. The light living in constant fear of the dark, falling into a pattern of creating the very thing they wish to defeat. I know the warwill never end this way. We need to find a balance.In that moment, I make a vow to myself and Leia to bring Ben back, not bothering to mention that I hope not to return to a side. His life was important to this woman who loved me like her own child, and I knew I would do whatever it took to bring him back.

Releasing the memory, I could feel where my pull towards Kylo had once formed. It wasn't actually for Kylo at all, but for Ben Solo. That's why my body fought so hard to remove the mask. I desperately wanted to find the man trapped behind it all. I wanted to make Leia proud. Leia. The mother of the Resistance. She cared so deeply, and I wanted nothing more than to succeed for her.

I still wasn't sure if my family was alive somewhere, but the feelings I had about protecting them gave me hope that they might be. Even with my strong connection to Leia, I couldn't believe that I had been trying to fill a void of someone lost. There had to be more to it. With a sigh, I calmly compartmentalized my emotions. There was no longer any question of what I had to do.

"I'm coming for you, Ben," I whispered.