I sat quietly with my thoughts for quite some time. I found frustration building up the more I thought about Kylo's desire to destroy the part of him that is human. Kylo was created to detach from humanity. He used the guise to allow himself to disconnect from everything that he feels strongly. I wondered how much of Kylo actually belonged to Ben. The short fuse. The dominating nature. I shivered.
I couldn't help but question if the attraction I was having to Kylo would remain if only Ben were to exist. I knew there was some selfish part of me that wanted Kylo to stay to blend with the darkness that danced through my veins, but my darkness never wished me to blindly take lives just to achieve what I wanted. No. Mine seemed to exist in ways that hurt me more than other people. I wanted to do good, but at what cost? Who would I be hurting? Who did I wantto hurt?
Sighing, I closed my eyes once more, trying to reach out.
Where are you, Ben?I asked the nether.
Do not call me that. His voice hissed through my skull.
It took everything I had to hold the connection.
Kylo?! Where are you? Please tell me how to find you.
No. This is what I have to do. You reminded me that I need to finish this. We won't ever have to worry about anything coming between us again when it's done.
You're wrong, Kylo. It's not what I want. I don't want to defeat one side. I want to find the balance between them.
There was a long silence, and I thought I had lost the connection. When I was just about to give up, he spoke again.
This is what I must do.
My frustration broke off the connection before any other words could be said. Clearly, I would need to physically drag him back here if I wanted peace. I wasn't willing to let him go. I couldn't lose him. It would surely destroy me. I groaned at myself for feeling so dependent upon his existence. Rolling off the bed, I hopped into the shower and changed. When I got out, I headed to the kitchen.
"Oh!" I exclaimed.
"Sorry. We heard the shower running, so we just stayed out here," HR explained as he removed his last piece of armor.
"It's fine. I was just lost in my own thoughts. Did you guys get a plan together?" I asked, heading to the fridge.
"Go sit. I'll make us all something to eat while Captain Phasma explains."
I sighed with relief. I in no way wanted to attempt a meal for three people. Grabbing a snack from the fridge, I headed to sit with Phasma.
"We reached out to contact the ship that Kylo took, but he refused to tell us where he was."
"But he answered your communication?" I jumped in.
"He did. Though he sounded pretty annoyed about it."
"How long ago did he respond?" I quickly spoke again.
Phasma ground her teeth in frustration. I smiled apologetically.
"We heard back from him shortly before we came back to you. He said that he must-"
"Finish what he started. Yeah, I know"
"Astra, would you kindly shut up," Phasma replied.
"Sorry," I mumbled.
"As I was saying. Yes, he must finish what he started, and he won't let us put you in danger by giving away his location. He was almost to the Wayfinder, and once he retrieves that, there will be no way of knowing where he is."
"How far are we from there? Where is there?"
Phasma paused, contemplating her next words.
"Mustafar. The Wayfinder was held by Darth Vader there."
I groaned. Kylo was so consumed by trying to prove his worth to someone who had passed on.
"Well? What's stopping us from going?"
I watched as both Phasma and HR shifted uncomfortably.
"What are you not telling me?" I asked, standing.
They both looked away from me, so I chose to push HR for more information.
"HR? What aren't you telling me? You know damn well if you don't tell me yourself, I can just retrieve what I want."
His eyes widened for just a moment before he sighed with resolve.
"Fine. He told us that if we went after him and put you in harm's way, that he would end both of us."
I did my best to remain calm. Neither Phasma nor HR had anything to do with this. My flared nostrils revealed my concealed anger, and a heavy quiet hung in the air.
"He doesn't own me. I can make my own choices. I'm not letting your lives get put into danger because he is acting like a toddler. I'll go alone."
HR laughed, and I reeled back in surprise.
"You can't make that decision for us. Just because you aren't threatening someone else's life, doesn't mean that you can decide what we do. I can't speak for Captain Phasma, but I am going wherever you go. I won't let you get killed chasing down someone so unstable."
I tried not to defend HR's comment about Kylo being unstable. I knew he was. He had been broken for so long. And I knew HR was right. I couldn't tell them that they weren't allowed to join me when I was just complaining about Kylo trying to control my actions. I just couldn't bear to have HR lose a life when he hadn't really even been able to live one yet.
"Fine, but you have to promise me that you'll try not to get yourself killed."
"Aye, aye!" he playfully saluted.
I gave him a small smile before letting my gaze travel over to Phasma. Her hard stare softened when my eyes met hers.
"Obviously I wouldn't be doing my job if I let you off this base without supervision," she smirked.
I did my best to contain my elation but ended up failing. I threw my arms around each of them, squeezing them tight. I was excited to leave the base. I was excited to be on a ship again. I was excited to end this war. And, as much as I hated to admit it, I was excited to hold Kylo in my arms.
"When can we leave?" I asked once I had settled down.
"Well, we will need to take one of the larger ships so that we can travel farther. But it will also allow us to store some TIE Fighters if we need to make smaller trips. We also need to make sure we have enough of a crew to both protect ourselves and to move forward if we have some casualties. Kylo took a good chunk of manpower with him, and I don't want to leave the base completely empty-handed. That being said, I could probably gather a team in a couple of hours. The ship should already be ready to go aside from loading up some TIE Fighters. I suggest you pack some things to bring with you. I'm not sure how long we will be gone. HR, gather a group of no less than 50 stormtroopers and bring them to the dock. I will get everyone else and make sure things will be taken care of while we're gone. If Kylo finds out sooner rather than later that we've gone, it could get ugly and fast. We need as many people to know the same story as possible."
Again, I filled with dread at how people had to defend against what Kylo might do. I knew there was good that still lived within him, but his darkness ruled.
"Before we go anywhere, let's eat. I'm not letting a perfectly good meal go to waste," HR jumped in.
I laughed while Phasma merely nodded. I watched as she looked at the plate of food questioningly. When HR and I both dug in without hesitation, she took a bite. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my lips when she reacted to tasting it. A moment later, she was shoveling the food into her mouth like she hadn't eaten in years. HR giggled while I just watched, my next bite hovering inches from my lips.
"I take it that you enjoy your meal then?" HR asked.
"This is delightful!" Phasma said with a mouth full of food.
That broke me of my trance as I laughed heartily, placing more food into my own mouth. When the clanking of utensils against plates quieted, the tension started to build.
"Thank you. Both of you. I know you don't really have much to gain from doing this, but it really does mean a lot to me to have you there," I said quietly, fighting back the tears that laced my eyes.
HR instantly pulled me into a hug, placing a gentle kiss onto my forehead when we separated.
"We have plenty to gain if you come out on top. Ending a war could mean freedom for those who want it," he smiled.
Phasma gave a terse nod but otherwise didn't voice her opinion on the matter.
"We've got lots of work to do. I suggest we each take care of our parts so we can move out," she said.
"Alright. I'll see you guys at the hangar," I said.
After they left, I packed myself a small bag. Not wanting to wait around, I found someone to inform about my current bathroom faucet situation, then headed to the training room. Inside, I picked up one of the practice sticks and attempted some more acrobatic moves. After an hour or so, I was consistently able to use the Force to enhance my jumps.
When I felt comfortable, I decided to rinse off once more before heading out to meet HR and Phasma. I still had about 40 minutes, so I figured I should take advantage of it while I could. When I got to my door, there was someone waiting. I tensed for a moment before realizing it was a repair person.
"Oh! I'm sorry. I should have changed the settings to allow you in! Do you mind if I just rinse off real quick? Then the sink is all yours."
He jumped, stuttering an apology.
I frowned, wondering what he would have to be afraid of. I unsuccessfully tried to start a light conversation with him, giving up before we even reached the bedroom.
"I hope this won't cause you too much trouble. I'm still remembering how to use the Force, and sometimes I'm not great at controlling it," I tried to joke.
His eyes went wide and he gave me a tight smile.
"No, no. No worries. I'll get it fixed right up. Not to worry."
I frowned again.
"Look, I don't know what you've heard about me, but I'm not going to hurt you. And you don't need to rush to fix anything. I'll be leaving for an unknown amount of time. I'll leave my room open so whoever needs to come in, can. Feel free to grab yourself a snack from the fridge. I'll try not to be long."
When I finished speaking, he continued to just stare at me.
"Make yourself comfortable. The couch isn't just there for looks," I attempted a joke again.
He nodded fervently, rushing over to the couch to sit. I contemplated asking his name but ultimately decided against it. With a heavy sigh, I swiftly made my way to the shower, doing my best not to let the hot water keep me there longer than necessary. Hopping back out, I braided my wet hair and got dressed. When I came back out, I found the man sunken into the couch mumbling to himself.
"I'm done. The bathroom is all yours. Is there anything else you need from me?"
"N-no. I have what I need."
"Alright," I replied slowly. "I'm going to change the settings on the door to be unlocked and then head out. Thanks again for taking care of my faucet. I hope it's not too much work to fix."
I held out my hand to him, smiling broadly. He stared at me like I was speaking a different language, then jumped slightly, taking my hand in his. I watched him skitter away, shaking my head before changing the settings on the door. I would have to make sure that whatever caused people so much fear towards me would change when I returned.
As I made my way to the hangar, I let my mind wander. Would I even be coming back here? If I got Kylo... Ben to agree to giving up the war and coming with me, where would we go? He was born into this life, and I hardly remembered my own past. What good could actually come from any of this?
At the hangar, Phasma was directing groups of stormtroopers and repairmen onto a ship. Flanking her was HR. I couldn't help but smile. When he saw me, he said something to Phasma that I couldn't hear, and then came over to me.
"Hey! We're just about ready to head out. Did you get everything done you needed?"
"I did," I nodded.
Suddenly, I was filled with adrenaline. My racing heart pounded into my chest and ears. My feet moved me forward, but it felt like they were attached to someone else's body. Murmurs of what HR was saying passed over me without comprehension. Once inside the ship, my mind was flooded with memories.
"There's no way you can just decide you're the best pilot in the galaxy. You have to prove it."
"I don't have to prove shit. The proof is here," I say, presenting myself.
He rolls his eyes at me.
"Whatever. You said you'd let me fly this time, so move over."
I try to keep a smirk on my lips, but something feels off. I had promised him I would let him fly. This mission is supposed to be simple. Safe.
"I don't know. I'm not sure you've proven yourself," I joke, hiding my discomfort.
"Lanaaaaaaa. Let me fly!"
"Well, now. You whining to me like a child just further proves to me that you're not ready for this," I shrug.
"You're intolerable!" he shouts before stomping off.
I laugh loudly enough for him to hear, then turn my focus back to my surroundings. My eyes scan for something, anything that might confirm my feelings of unease. Then, I see it. A smuggler is approaching. Fast. I try to ditch them but find myself blocked off by another ship.
"Since when do you work in groups?" I say to myself.
"Kyrt!" I shout.
And then, we get hit.
They perfectly strike us in a way that sends us spinning. We quickly get sucked into the gravitational pull of the planet nearby. I manage to straighten the ship out for just a moment to see the fear in everyone's faces around me. Then, we strike a tree, and I'm tossed across the space, smashing my head into the console.Everything goes dark as screams fill my head.