When I snapped back to the present, I felt the warmth of someone's arms cradling me. I shoved them away, not deserving of kindness after recalling how everyone on that ship lost their lives because I was unable to save them. How had I survived when no one else had?

"Astra. Stop pushing me. I'm just trying to get you inside," a familiar voice said.

I sighed in frustration.

"I can walk on my own."

I did my best to return to standing without the assistance of HR, but the weight of the guilt of my past was crushing me down.

"Did you remember something?" he asked gently, supporting my arm as we walked.

I nodded, my eyes unfocused.

"The crash. When I hit my head. I was flying the ship. We were attacked. But..."

"But what?" HR prodded when I remained silent.

I frowned.

"I think someone knew we were going to be there. We were trapped by two smuggler ships."

"What? That doesn't make sense. Why would they shoot you down? And why were they working together?"

I shook my head and shrugged.

"I don't know. I still don't even understand how I came out unscathed. The wreckage where I woke up..."

"It's okay if you don't want to talk about it."

"Thanks, HR. It's more that I just can't remember. I never will. I was knocked out before we crashed, and when I woke up I was next to a burning hunk of ship. I hadn't even realized I had been on it with other people until later, and by then the wreckage had been searched for survivors."

"Astra... are you sure no one else survived?"

"I mean... not entirely. Do you think..."

"I believe anything is possible. Especially after meeting you. But, there is also something off in what happened. It seems like a planned attack. Someone had to have known you were going there. What exactly was your mission?"

I shrugged.

"All I remember is that it wasn't vital to the cause. It was just supposed to be a simple in and out."

When we reached the front of the ship, I paused, looking at the panel in front of me. I walked over to the controls and sat down. It felt so natural, so right.

"How long after the crash before Kylo came to you?" HR asked, stepping to my side.

"About six months," I replied, flipping switches with ease to check the state of the ship.

"Oh."

"Why?" I asked, turning to look up at him.

"Well, I thought about what you said earlier. About how maybe Kylo planned this all just to get you on his side, but he's not patient enough to wait for six months. Captain Phasma said he left within hours of sensing you."

I took in HR's words for a moment. I knew Kylo had sensed my Force and came after me, but he had to have known it already from our previous encounters. So what did he know that made him go after me? Was he expecting to find more of us? Something was still missing from my story.

"You're right that there is still a piece missing from this, but I can't recall what it is. Something happened between us that he's not telling me. I wish I could place a timeline on my memories. That would probably help sort some of this out."

"Astra, are you well enough to fly?" Captain Phasma said suddenly, causing me to jump.

"I think so. Could you stay close by in case I'm not?"

"It is my duty," she replied.

I noted the small smile as she spoke, and it put me at ease.

"Thank you."

I returned the smile and resisted the urge to hug her.

We watched as the last of our crew filed onto the ship, and I closed the door. Taking a deep breath, I placed my hands on the controls.

"Open the hangar," I said, my voice ringing confidently through the space.

As the large door rose, my heart fluttered with excitement. It felt so great to return to something that felt so normal. I didn't have to try and remember what to do, my body just knew. The muscle memory took over, allowing me to just trust that I would do what needed to be done. After gracefully pulling the ship outside the hangar, I smiled.

"Entering coordinates for Mustafar," I announced, entering the numbers Phasma provided.

"Preparing for light speed. Brace yourselves," I continued.

In a blink, we were in front of Mustafar. I could see the smoke and destruction even from afar. As I brought us closer to the surface, my heart squeezed. We were surrounded by fiery death. I shut my eyes as the ship touched land, tears falling from the corners.

No. What have you done, Kylo? Did they all need to die?

The weight of this war crushed me, pulling me from the present.

You were not supposed to follow me. How did you get there?

Kylo's voice hissed through my head.

I flew one of your ships, I replied, careful not to mention Phasma or HR.

With. Who.

His voice was forceful. Something seemed off, but there was no way I could place it without seeing him.

How do I get to Exogol? I asked, ignoring his question.

Do not move from where you are. I'm coming to you.

I could feel his anger in his shaky words. I knew I had to get the ship away from here before he came back.

"Captain Phasma, I need a TIE Fighter, and then I need you to take this ship away from here."

She stared at me incredulously.

"Why?" she asked simply.

"Kylo is coming."

I saw her eyes go wide for a split second, then she handed me a radio.

"Use this if you need us. I will stay in range."

"Astra, I'm not leaving you alone," HR chimed in.

"Yes. You are. I promise to call for you if I'm in danger, but right now, you are the ones in danger."

"But--"

"We need to move. I don't know how long it will take him to arrive."

With a tight nod, HR agreed. Pulling me in for a tight hug, he whispered in my ear.

"If he hurts you, I won't ever stop coming after him."

I couldn't stop the nervous chuckle that escaped my lips. HR stood no chance against Kylo, but I knew he would be true to his word.

"Thank you."

"Come on. Let's get you in that TIE Fighter," he replied, taking my hand.

HR practically pulled me as we ran through the ship. Luckily with the work I had been doing to maintain all of the ships, I had become familiar with the strange controls of the TIE Fighters. As I climbed up, HR pressed a button to open the hatch.

"Please try not to get yourself killed, would ya?"

I laughed.

"I will do my best, though I really am more worried about you," I replied quietly.

He sighed.

"I wish I knew that there was some way to talk you out of this, but I know there's not."

"Nope."

This time, he laughed.

"I'll see you soon, Star Girl," he joked.

"Back atcha, Hell Raiser."

He laughed again, the sound becoming muffled. With a delicate touch, I brought the engine to life, moving out of the main ship just enough to be out of the blast radius of the engines.

I quietly watched as my friends sped off to safety, contemplating whether I wanted to wait inside or outside my own ship. After arguing with myself briefly, I settled for staying inside. If I needed to leave, it would allow for a quicker getaway.

Krrccck

I jumped, realizing the odd sound came from the radio.

"Astra? Can you hear me?" HR said.

"I hear you."

"Great. We're not far. Just call if you need us. We won't reach out unless we sense danger. If I don't hear from you in a couple of hours, we are coming back. Okay?"

I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"Fine. But if I press the call button four times, I'm safe and going with him."

"Alright. Thank you."

Now that I knew they were hidden but nearby, a part of me that I hadn't realized was tense relaxed. I focused my energy on messing with my hair. My fingers twirled it around into multiple different braids, wrapping it, and letting it fall. Eventually, I settled for a single French braid down the middle.

As I finished tying off my hair, I caught sight of Kylo.

"He's here. I'll check in with you guys later," I quickly said into the radio.

As Kylo closed in, I took a deep breath then grabbed my bag and climbed out to wait for him. Taking a moment, I thought about our kiss and blocked my mind, not willing to let him get angry that my friends chose to support me. I saw his dark form standing in the window and could feel his gaze boring into me.

It felt like a lifetime for the ship to land and Kylo to disembark. The whole time, I struggled to keep my block up. When he walked down the ramp, my breath caught in my chest. I couldn't stop my gaze from tracing his form.

Holding my ground, I waited for him to come to me. My heart was racing, but I wasn't afraid. I knew I should be, but something diluted that feeling.

When he finally made it over to me, he grabbed a fistful of my clothing and pulled me behind my TIE Fighter, just out of sight of his ship. As soon as we rounded the back, he tore off his mask, pressing his lips to mine. At first, I was unable to react. I was prepared for him to yell at me. I was prepared for his anger and punishment. But feeling his mouth crash against my own?

Where my mind failed to react, my body eventually took over. It was hungry for his touch, and I struggled to stop it. Luckily, Kylo was still in control. He separated our connection, laying a number of painful swats upon my ass before speaking.

"Why are you here?" he growled.

"To stop you from making a mistake."

"You're wrong. I'm finally doing what's right. Rey has to be destroyed. It's the only way."

"No, Kylo. I can't believe that. You can end this. I know you can."

He sighed, placing his hand on my cheek.

"I don't know what I've done to deserve this trust you have in me, but I hope that you don't lose that when I do what must be done."

"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KILL REY?"

He gazed quietly at me for a moment, not showing any signs of emotion.

"She's Palpatine's Granddaughter. He's the one behind this. He has an entire army waiting dormant. He could easily wipe out the universe given the chance. If I defeat her and him, then I call the shots. I can make this universe whatever we want it to be. We could rule side by side."

I groaned in frustration.

"I don't want to rule the universe. I want it to exist in harmony. I want us to be able to accept each other for our differences and not start a war over everything. I just want to find balance, and I," I paused, not sure I was willing to admit the next part. "I want to be with. Despite everything you've done, everything you're still doing. I love you."

I was unable to look at him at the end. I knew he couldn't possibly feel the same way. The dark side had filled him with too much hate. Yet, at the same time, saying the words out loud brought some peace.

After a long pause, he finally sighed heavily.

"There's something I need to tell you," he said softly.

My gaze snapped up to study his face. His eyes were closed, and a frown painted his brow.

"When you asked how long I've wanted to kiss you for... there is another encounter that you still don't recall. I was hoping that you would without me, but," he shrugged.

"What?" I said with exasperation.

"When you threw your knife into my leg, it was our first time face to face. I felt you before then, but it was never anything seemingly special. The next time we crossed paths, it wasn't in a battle. You were alone. It was shortly after Leia had nearly been killed."

"I was angry and scared. I felt lost," I interjected, the memory trickling back. "I was looking for you. I could sense you nearby. You were also alone."

He nodded, waiting a moment for me to continue. When I didn't, he started speaking again.

"You baited me down to the surface of a nearby planet. I was vulnerable and angry, and I was ready to kill you. But... I wanted to hear you say that she'd be ok."

I suddenly laughed.

"At the time, I didn't know why you cared. I didn't know you were once Ben Solo."

He flinched at the name, glaring at me. I rolled my eyes and let the memory continue to speak its truth.

"Back then, there was more of Ben in you. He is much more lost to the dark side now."

I reached up to gently stroke his cheek. His jaw clenched, but he didn't pull away.

"We argued pretty good before you finally got the information you wanted," I laughed. "Yet once you heard she was expected to recover, you didn't try to kill me. Why?"

He shifted uncomfortably.

"I don't know. The pull of the light was much stronger after I killed my father. It made it difficult to just forget who I once was."

"Does the light still call to you now?"

He looked down at me wordlessly. I knew the answer was yes, but whatever he saw in Exogol had set his resolve in killing Rey. I didn't understand how destroying the granddaughter of Palpatine would help him, but I didn't want to push the matter yet.

"When I felt the force within you, I was intrigued by the lack of light. You were more powerful than you realized, yet you didn't accept all that the light had to offer. You were utterly fascinating," he said, reaching out to brush a stray hair from my face.

Overcome with my feelings for him, I quickly pulled him down into a kiss once more. His arms wrapped tightly around me, pressing our bodies together. I could feel his hunger, his anger wavering momentarily. When I moved to reach my hand to touch him more intimately, he pulled away, grabbing my wrist to stop me.

"You're still very much in trouble," he said breathlessly.

I couldn't stop the smile that reached my lips.

"When I let you return to the Resistance that day, that was the first time I wanted to kiss you. I didn't know why then, but now I wonder if I was just picking up on what you feel so strongly all the time. You're quite impressionable."

I laughed.

"I had dreams about the face behind the mask," I replied tracing my finger along his jaw. "I thought that somehow I had been able to manifest your face, but I guess you had just showed me in a memory that refused to return. Why? Why did you remove your mask?"

He pursed his lips, studying me hard.

"I don't know. I needed to look into your eyes with my own."

"Kylo?"

"What," he said flatly.

"Did you know my name was Lana?"

"Astra is much more fitting."

"For what? Standing by the side of Kylo Ren?"

I couldn't stop the anger in my voice. I searched for an answer in his emotionless face. I tried to find my patience, knowing full well that if we were going to be together, I would need to work hard to show him balance.

"I want you on my ship. You are to join me as I finish this. I can't have you throwing yourself into danger to try and find me."

"What?! Kylo, that's not--"

"It's not a question. It's an order."

"You're not in charge of me!"

He grabbed my arm roughly.

"Until I know that you are safe from things more dangerous than me, yes. I am."

"But--"

"No. Tell your friends that you are leaving with me. They can retrieve the TIE Fighter after we've gone."

I let out a frustrated shout.

"FINE! But I'm going to change your mind."

"Not if I change yours first," he mumbled, dragging me along as he slid his mask back on.

"Hey, guys. I'm going with Kylo. He wants me to tell you to get the TIE Fighter--"

"And that I will keep you from harm's way," he interjected.

I sighed.

"And that. Thank you for everything. I greatly appreciate you."

"Copy," the garbled voice of HR replied.