He suddenly felt wet and cold, and he couldn't breathe.
Ryoma's eyes snapped open, a stream of bubbles leaving his mouth as he opened it to gasp in shock. He quickly tried to clamp his hands over his mouth to keep water from getting in and losing more air...
...only to find that his wrists were bound behind his back.
Trying to hold his breath as best as he could, he maneuvered his arms and fingers around a little bit. They felt like handcuffs, metallic and smooth, and tightly wrapped around his small wrists. A small wave of fear washed over him as he frantically looked around at his surroundings. He was underwater, sinking in a blue void with no surface in sight. Even if he could swim at the moment, there was nowhere for him to go.
Regardless, Ryoma's instinct was to struggle against the metal cuffs, his arms having limited movement and his legs thrashing in an attempt to prevent himself from sinking further down into the strange body of water he was in. He lost more air as he put all of his energy into trying to escape. His fear became an unending sense of trepidation as he realized he was drowning.
It was almost like some sort of twisted escape trick, not unlike something the Ultimate Magician could perform, though she would insist it was real magic. This wasn't that reality for him, nor was it magic, as he strained his wrists trying to get the handcuffs to slip off of them. Despite his physical strength, his legs were getting tired and sore from his constant kicking. The lack of air was also contributing to his growing exhaustion.
Though he tried, Ryoma couldn't hold his breath any longer. The rest of his air left his lungs, bubbles drifting towards an unseeable surface. Water rushed into his airways, instinctively making him choke and breathe in more of it. Ryoma grimaced as he tried to snap the chain of the handcuffs in two with his remaining strength. No matter how much he pulled and pulled, breaking free from them was impossible. The cuffs were too strong and had an iron grip on his wrists. He was trapped.
Unable to fight to keep himself from drowning, Ryoma faded, his struggles stopping completely as he sank into the deep, endless sea.
... ... ... ...
... ... ...
... ...
...
"Gh...?!"
Ryoma jolted awake, gasping for breath. His forehead was covered in a cold sweat, despite the temperature in his room being fair. Taking a minute or two to catch his breath, he quickly sat up, wiping the sweat from his forehead. What a way to wake up.
Upon scanning his room, he noticed an odd, multi-colored tablet sitting on his desk. Suspicious of it, he got out of his bed to inspect it. From what he can deduce simply from the object just suddenly appearing in his room overnight, this must be a part of the next motive. Picking up the yellow tablet with the childish, colorful scribbles on it, he pressed the button below the screen to turn it on.
The screen lit up the dark room, only to reveal...
...Maki's name?
The text on-screen read "Maki Harukawa's Motive Video", complete with the child caregiver's silhouette on both sides of the screen.
Before he could question it, Monokuma's voice rang out from the pad.
"Alright, back by popular demand, it's time for the motive video! Who is the most important person in your life? And now, without further ado..."
Ryoma shut off the screen. The last thing he wanted to do was be a nosy busybody and pry into another student's business. But, if he had Maki's video, who has his? And was it like this for everyone else?
Deciding to leave it at that, Ryoma put the tablet back onto his desk and crawled back into bed. Monokuma's words sounded in his head as he lay back down.
The most important people in their lives...?
Ryoma simply stared at the ceiling. He thought he had lost everything in his life when he went to prison. But if these motive videos were truthfully telling them about the people most important to them in their lives, then maybe...
...
...
He pushed away the thought for now and checked the time on his Monopad.
6:10am. He wasn't surprised. Every morning in prison started at dawn, and ever since then, he had been waking up around the same time by default every morning, even when he wound up stuck here. With how early he was up, he couldn't tell anyone else about the motive just yet.
Ryoma was never able to go back to sleep when he always woke up at this time. He tried going to sleep at different times while he was here, but it would always be 6:00am regardless when he would wake up. Restless, Ryoma found himself thinking about the dream he just had. It was more of a nightmare, he hated to admit. Handcuffed and drowning, struggling to escape from the metallic mini prisons as he sank underwater.
He swallowed hard. He understood that he nearly drowned the day before, but handcuffs undoubtedly weren't involved. Though he thought they was symbolic in a way, since he is a prisoner, that didn't explain what they had to do with what happened to him yesterday. Asides from the "handcuffs" oddity, it seems that his brush with death was affecting him more than he'd like to admit. He was no stranger to nightmares, but this was the first one in a while that genuinely made an impression on him, but obviously not in a good way. That same chill from the other day was threatening to creep up on his spine.
Trying to avoid ever thinking about yesterday's events or the nightmare he had, Ryoma got up again and did what he usually did every dawn he woke up. He showered, changed into new clothes, and took a walk outside. He had two hours to himself before the morning announcement at 8:00am.
o0o
As per usual, Ryoma saw the sunrise through the caged End Wall, the sky painted a pink-orange color. The cool morning breeze gently whipped across his face. Ryoma sighed. Knowing he wasn't in prison at the moment, he didn't mind mornings like this, despite the lack of animals like birds chirping outside the school. The weather never seemed to change either. But, he had to wonder to himself. If they did escape this school, wouldn't he just wind up in prison again? It would be like leaving one prison just to go back to another. He knew Kaede would want them all to get out of here, but what was in it for him? He'd still have no freedom.
He'd still be a prisoner, waiting to be executed on the date they set for him. He truly had no future.
On that somber note, Ryoma quietly made his way over to the wisterias and sat at the bench, resting his head on one of his hands. All of his mornings have been the same so far. There wasn't much to do at the moment except walk and sit around for two hours. The dining hall and the gym didn't open until the morning announcement, so he couldn't eat breakfast or do any warmups in the gym until then. He could do them elsewhere, and he just had his chocolate candy cigarettes to munch on, as much as he knew it wasn't good for him to have sweets first thing in the morning.
The food Kirumi cooked for breakfast, lunch, and dinner was phenomenal, he admitted. It was miles better than anything he had eaten in prison. He was lucky he even got to eat anything prepared by the Ultimate Maid herself, let alone anything decent at all. He wasn't gonna lie to himself, he always looked forward (for once) to her meals, probably because he never cooked a day in his life. She was insistent on serving everyone, including himself. Kirumi was dutiful to an extreme degree, even treating a killer like him as equal to everyone else. It wasn't any use convincing her not to, she was that devoted to her talent.
That reminded him, he and Shuichi needed to get the wet clothes Kirumi dried yesterday back. She'd probably bring it to them later.
At the mention of their soaked clothes, Ryoma stiffened for a split second.
It was like anytime he thought about anything somewhat related to his near drowning he felt his mind drifting back to it. Blocking out the oncoming uneasiness, he swiftly got up and walked further into the courtyard's plaza, avoiding ever glancing at the pool area behind him.
Was he ever going to get over this? He was starting to truly believe he was afraid of dying. His confusion was honestly making him lose his temper. He really didn't understand this. If he were actually so scared of death, then why didn't he want to live on this planet anymore? Was it because he won't have to deal with that fear of death? Because he was a worthless murderer? He could easily be killed in this killing game, too. Would he not mind, or would he pathetically scream and cry as someone offs him? In his increasing frustration, he unknowingly snapped his candy cigarette in two in his clenching fist.
Ryoma's glare landed on the Shrine of Judgment. At the sight of it, the heat rising in his face from anger started to dissipate. He breathed a long sigh as he lowered his gaze to his hand, crushed candy cigarette in his palm.
He had no one to be pissed off at but himself. He made a negative, life-changing decision that wrecked his future, and now he's paying for it as a prisoner on death row. Maybe that's also why he's trapped here. Retribution.
...
...No, that was an incredibly selfish thought. If it were actually like that at all, it would just be him and other people like him. But there were incredibly good people here. They didn't deserve being in anything like this at all. Being stuck in this killing game. Maybe he deserved it, but not them. Geez, how sad.
Dropping the broken candy cigarette on the ground, Ryoma turned his back to the shrine and dejectedly headed back to his room. At least he found his answer. Despite what his fears were telling him, he really had no reason to live. And because of that, he didn't want to anymore. If that made him anxious, then so be it, it didn't matter.
He was gonna die anyways, regardless if he made it out of here or not.
o0o
The Monokubs' morning announcement sounded out on the monitors. The students who where just waking up found the motive videos, called Kubs Pads, on their desks.
Already knowing where he needed to be at this time, Ryoma sat up from his bed, where he lay staring holes into the ceiling after he came back to his room earlier. Before he left his room, he gave the Kubs Pad on his desk one last glance. Inside it was the person who was the most important to Maki.
Of course, he had no intention of telling anybody whose video he had. It was none of his business, nor was it theirs. But whoever had his video must have seen that it belongs to him, right? Maybe he could...He held onto that thought as he headed out towards the dining hall where the class met every morning.
Most of everyone in the dining hall was full of concern and doubt, especially Shuichi. As he thought, everyone had gotten someone else's motive video. Gonta said he got Tsumugi's, and though Ryoma didn't know it, Shuichi had Kaito's.
There were debates on whether they should see their videos, or if they should ignore them. Keebo suggested that everyone not view or trade any of their videos. After the other students agreed with the robot's suggestions, Ryoma finally made his opinion clear.
"I'm against that." Ryoma exclaimed with a hard stare.
The class turned their attention to him. They asked why he was, Tsumugi warning him that seeing his video could turn it into a motive. He simply stated that's exactly why he wanted to see it.
"You do?" Shuichi asked him with a hint of concern in his voice.
Before he could answer the detective, Kaito spoke up.
"You were saying something like that before... that you don't plan on surviving." The astronaut glared at him. "It might not matter to you whether you get killed or not, but..." He began shouting at the former tennis player. "We're different! We all want to live! Wake up already! You're like some zombie wandering around with no will to live!"
Ryoma didn't flinch at all. He wouldn't expect someone like him to understand what he was planning on doing. He didn't need to know either. "No will to live, huh?" He pulled his beanie down over his eyes. "Hmph, if that's how you see me, then so be it."
He returned his classmate's heated gaze with an equally hardened expression. "But I've got no plans to change my opinion. That's just not cool."
Kaito faltered. "Wh-What did you say?!"
Kokichi suddenly butt into their argument. "Who cares? Ryoma just stated his opinion." The supreme leader explained how he felt the same way as him, the class accusing him of wanting to cause trouble again. He stated that it would be better if they didn't cooperate with each other, pointing out that Monokuma intervened every attempt with a countermeasure. Ryoma understood his point, they were making their actions more predictable to Monokuma and the mastermind.
Shuichi asked him if he were lying to them, which Kokichi stated regardless if he were or not, what he said was true. The detective recoiled. Was Kaede's sacrifice pointless? Was everything that they went through pointless, too? The purple-haired boy reiterated his point about exchanging the motive videos and not cooperating with each other. He left with Gonta, plotting a way to get everyone to see their videos with the entomologist, but not before asking Kirumi to give him food if he got hungry.
Kaito growled, claiming he's had enough of his lying. Maki left as well, also asking Kirumi to bring her dinner later. Ryoma decided to head out, too.
"Wait up, Ryoma!" The astronaut stopped the shorter boy as he reached the dining hall's door. "Don't forget, we're all struggling to get out of here alive. So don't get in our way..." He warned him.
Hmph.
"I've got no intention of getting in your way. I'd never do something so uncool." The prisoner responded coolly. He turned to Kirumi. "Kirumi, could I get you to clean my room later?" He didn't often ask for a lot, but he had no plans on being in there, and he was in no mood to clean it himself.
It felt awkward asking Kirumi for anything after most of the other students began tasking her with things, but Shuichi asked if she could bring his and Ryoma's dry clothes to them.
After he left the dining hall, Ryoma decided to go to the newly opened casino. He despised gambling, but he wanted to be anywhere but his room or the courtyard.
o0o
The casino had two floors, the first floor and the bottom floor. You could play the casino games downstairs, and exchange the casino coins you won for prizes upstairs, as well as exchange Monocoins for casino coins. Ryoma wasn't planning on doing any of that.
He headed downstairs to the bottom floor. Only a couple of games were available at the moment, the slot machines and a salmon fishing game. He wouldn't have minded playing the latter if gambling wasn't involved, and it didn't have the black and white bear's ugly mug slapped on it.
Ryoma sat on one of the stools with his arms folded, back facing the slot machine behind him. Should he really see his motive video? Everyone was saying how dangerous it would be, but it's not like he was planning a murder. He'd already been down that road. He wasn't gonna make anybody give it to him either, they'd become suspicious of him. His status as a killer already made him appear as a possible suspect if any murders occurred.
He thought about his argument with Kaito. No will to live. That was definitely true about himself, but he had no plans on dragging anyone down with him. Everything he went through he knew was his own fault, no one else's. There was no point in anyone else being punished but himself. He could care less if Kaito believed if he wanted to live or not. Ryoma already knew the answer.
He heard someone coming down the stairs of the casino before he could think about anything else. He saw Shuichi turning the corner of the slot machines.
"You again, Shuichi? What are you doing here?" Ryoma asked him. "If you think I'm gonna get in the way of your cooperation or Kokichi's plans, then you don't have to worry about me."
"No, it's... nothing like that." The detective answered hastily. "I couldn't sit still in my room after breakfast. I didn't want to stand around and do nothing."
"Worried about the motive videos?" Ryoma questioned. The raven-haired boy sighed and nodded slowly. "Keebo claimed if we ignored the videos, a murder won't occur. But I'm sure there's someone who would want to see their video. Not necessarily to commit a murder, though..." He trailed off, the idea that he had since this morning brewing in the back of his mind.
"I know you said earlier that you wanted to see your video... Was there a reason why you wanted to?" Shuichi wondered.
"I'm not planning on doing anything. I wouldn't stoop that low where I would force someone to hand over my motive video." Ryoma spoke in a direct manner. "Though, being a murderer makes it harder for people to believe that."
"..." Shuichi frowned. He decided it was best for them to change the subject away from the motive. "By the way, I asked Kirumi to bring us our dried clothes from yesterday. Since she's cleaning your room, I thought I'd ask her so she can drop them off in our rooms. I left my door unlocked for her."
Ryoma tried everything in his power to stop himself from twitching slightly. "I was thinking about that earlier too. I figured she'd bring them to us. It's a bit risky though, since our videos are in our rooms."
"Are you feeling better than yesterday, Ryoma?" Shuichi asked.
"Yeah," Ryoma half lied, "I was able to rest. I slept decently the other night."
"Decently...?" Shuichi noticed how he worded his response.
"Yeah." The convict repeated. "What of it?"
"When I mentioned the clothes that got wet from yesterday, you kind of had a weird look on your face."
Shit.
Seems like he couldn't hide everything completely from the Ultimate Detective. "Your point?" Ryoma deflected.
"Is something bothering you, Ryoma?" The quiet boy gave him a look of concern.
"I said I'm fine. Geez, and I said you were being nosy before." Shuichi remembered, during their conversation before in the pool area, that Ryoma said he had a nosy-looking face. Though he apologized, Shuichi supposed it was somewhat true, he is a detective. In training, at least.
"A-Ah, no, I wasn't trying to be nosy, I was just worried about you. Even when I came into the library yesterday it looked like something was on your mind."
"Not sure why you're so concerned about someone like me. I already told you, I'm fine."
Shuichi knew Ryoma wasn't being truthful, but he decided not to keep pressing him.
"What about you? You look like you want to lie down somewhere."
"Oh, uh... Tenko asked Kirumi to make some tripe hot pot for Himiko. Everyone who was left in the dining hall had some too. I... had a little too much breakfast." Shuichi still felt the slight pain from overeating.
"Heh, I don't blame you. I'll admit, Kirumi's breakfasts are something else. Better than anything I ever had in prison."
"Yeah..." Shuichi managed a small smile.
Ryoma's expression fell. He already knew what he was gonna ask next. "By the way Shuichi, I'm not gonna talk about tennis anymore." He declared.
"Huh?! Why not?" The dark-haired boy suddenly reacted with surprise.
"I know what you're up to. You just want me to play tennis again, don't you?" Ryoma had put the pieces together. There was a reason why Shuichi kept asking him about his tennis days. He thought he still cared about tennis.
Shuichi didn't respond.
Ryoma folded his arms again. "Hmph, I figured as much." The smaller boy got off of the stool he was sitting on and turned to face him. "Listen up. I'm no longer the Ultimate Tennis Pro." He repeated the words he spoke when they first met in the game room. "I'm just the shell of who I used to be. I threw away my past."
Shuichi eyed him. "Did you really, Ryoma?"
"Huh?" The question caught him off guard, feeling a small bead of sweat forming on his forehead.
Shuichi told him that it wasn't all that easy to throw away the burdens people carried. It was hard to see what people were carrying on their backs, and that there was always a part of it sticking with them.
He compared it to a coffee stain on someone's shirt, which garnered a small chuckle out of Ryoma. He said it's something he got from his uncle, that looking for the stain on people is how they found the truth.
"I'm sure there's something you're carrying with you, is it ten-"
The prisoner cut him off sharply. "No, it's not tennis. It's something that should never happen in tennis." He closed his eyes. "But, I gathered my resolve... and I did it anyway."
"Resolve...? What do you mean by that?" Shuichi questioned.
Ryoma decided to change the subject quickly. "Nothing. Anyways, we were talking about coffee stains on my back though, right?" Shuichi didn't comment on him saying the phrase completely wrong. "Sorry, but I've got nothing back there." He claimed.
"But, if there was one regret I was carrying around..." Ryoma's expression became a bit somber, "...it'd be... her..."
Shuichi noticed his changing mood. "Who?" He asked simply.
"There was... someone I promised my future to."
"Huh? You mean... like a lover?!" The revelation surprised the detective. "Hmph. Is it that surprising that I had a lover? I'm used to that reaction." Ryoma huffed.
"You had a lover before? What do you mean?"
Ryoma explained how he met her in America while he was studying tennis abroad. He thought love was a joke, never believing in it, but he somehow found himself falling in love with her. But, it didn't matter at this point, as he stated she wasn't a part of this world anymore.
"Not a part of this world anymore...? You mean she..."
"Yeah... she died." Ryoma said straightforwardly.
"I'm sorry, Ryoma... What happened...?" Shuichi asked carefully.
"...I decided to throw everything away. It didn't matter if we loved each other or not."
"What? B-But she was so important to you that you wanted a future together with her. So why..."
"..." Ryoma turned his gaze away from Shuichi. "She... would've been unhappy being with me. No, not just her... anybody..."
His temper flared for a brief moment. "That's why you shouldn't bother with me anymore, got it?"
Shuichi a bit taken aback by the sudden outburst, the former tennis player sighed and turned to leave the casino.
"Ryoma..." Their conversations always seem to end off on a bitter note.
Shuichi knew for a fact this time that something was bothering him. He didn't want to press him about it, but if he left it at that, he would never help him get any better. He needed to know what was going on, especially after what he just told him about his late lover.
o0o
After an awkward lunch with everyone, Ryoma went to the third floor in the relaxation space near Maki's lab. As he passed by, she was standing guard in front of her lab as usual. He didn't bother her, but a part of him wondered why she didn't want anybody near it.
Well, it wasn't any of his business anyways.
Ryoma stood propped up against the wall. He figured he should probably apologize to Shuichi for snapping at him like that earlier. But he didn't understand. Why was he talking to him? He knew Shuichi saved his life, but he should have just left it at that. Ryoma didn't feel like he owed him any debts either. It's not like any of that changed his mind about not surviving the killing game. Why did he care so much? The detective wanted to keep his promise to Kaede but... someone like himself shouldn't be involved in that.
He shook his head. Considering how Ryoma last left the conversation, he knew Shuichi would come looking for him, especially after he unknowingly let his guard down earlier. But, he already made it clear to himself several times before.
It didn't matter how afraid he felt, he had no reason to live, and had zero plans on surviving at all.
But if that were the case, why did he have to keep telling himself that repeatedly? And what would be the point of him seeing his motive video?
Footsteps could be heard approaching him. Whatever.
He wondered how Shuichi was finding him so quickly. Perhaps he followed him shortly after Ryoma left the dining hall. He was persistent in a way that made him a little uncomfortable. He knew good and well he shouldn't associate with someone like him. So why did he keep bothering him?
"Ryoma...?" Shuichi spoke as he made his way towards the sullen tennis pro.
Ryoma didn't face him. "...Shuichi, you know what I'm gonna say, right?"
Shuichi stood his ground. "I could venture a guess. You don't want me talking to you."
"Exactly. Like I said, you shouldn't bother with me."
"But that's not an order, right?" Shuichi challenged.
Ryoma turned his head towards him. "Hmph, true. I've got no right to order you around like that." He stood up straight and folded his arms. "...So what business do you have with someone who'd throw away his own lover?"
"Because I can't imagine you would do something so heartless, Ryoma." The smaller boy mentally scoffed. "You must have had your reasons. Something to do with the mafia?"
The question made Ryoma raise a nonexistent eyebrow. "So why did you do it, Ryoma?" Shuichi's expression softened.
The detective was asking him about the mafia he took out. The sole reason why he was even in prison. Nobody here knew his reason for committing his crime, as he wasn't expecting anyone to listen to him. He never had a reason to tell anyone either. Convinced he was nothing more than a ruthless killer, he mentioned his motive to no one.
What he'd been ignoring was that side of himself who did want to tell someone. They only knew half of the story, but his belief that no one would care to listen to somebody like him made him keep it to himself. But, here he was, standing in front of someone who wanted to hear his story.
"..." Ryoma sighed. "You... really wanna hear about it?"
"Yeah, I'd like to hear it from you."
The prisoner studied his features. "Hmph. That face tells me you're not interested as a detective. If that's the case, I've got no reason not to answer."
Ryoma placed his hands in his jacket pockets as he began to tell his side of the story.
The tennis player was invited to an underground tennis tournament on a luxury liner owned by the mafia. He didn't want to get involved, especially since they were gambling on the matches, but they wouldn't leave him alone. Ryoma decided to eventually accept, but with the intent of teaching them a lesson.
He found out that all of the matches were fixed. Expressing his displeasure with that, Ryoma simply played along with them. At the last second, he defeated the opponent they were betting on him losing against.
He admitted he was too naive back then to realize the weight of his actions. So in an act of revenge against him for ruining their reputation...
...they massacred his family in cold blood.
"Huh?! Massacre?!" Shuichi exclaimed in shock.
Ryoma nodded slowly. "My lover was safe, but I didn't know when they'd get to her. That's why I had her run somewhere far away..." He shook his head. "...But it was no use. They found her, and they killed her too. I was the only one that escaped the mafia, and even then, just barely..."
"I don't believe it!" What Shuichi was hearing was something he had never expected in his life.
Ryoma closed his eyes. "I shouldn't have let her go. I should've kept her by my side and protected her. If I'd done that... then at least she wouldn't have been alone..."
"Ryoma..."
He raised his head. "You know what happened after that, right...?"
"...You killed them all... for revenge..." Shuichi sadly guessed.
"Yeah... and that's why I was thrown in prison." Ryoma finished.
"..." The detective couldn't muster a response. Ryoma sighed heavily. "See? You shouldn't have asked. ...I'm just a helpless fool." He turned his back to the silent boy and walked off.
Unwilling to admit it, he felt a slight weight lifting off of his small shoulders after telling Shuichi his side of the story.
o0o
The rest of the day went the same as the last. Dinner passed, and night fell.
In the nighttime announcement, the Monokubs were making some sort of spicy rice bowl special in the dining hall. Despite that, Monosuke claimed it was just for Monokubs only, and they weren't sharing any with the students.
Ryoma didn't really care, the rice bowl was so greasy with fried chicken, egg, and mayo that he could practically feel his arteries squeezing.
After the announcement ended, Ryoma simply stood there, arms to his sides. Kirumi had cleaned his room, and he spotted where she had returned his dried clothes, laying neatly folded on his bed.
His day was particularly rough. Not only did he lose his temper this morning over some overcomplicated inner conflict, the next motive was presented and the students' tension was rising. Kokichi was hatching a plan to get everyone to see their motive videos, and Ryoma argued with Kaito over his will to live. Additionally, he had told Shuichi about his family and lover's deaths by the hands of the mafia he annihilated, and it being the reason why he did it.
He had to ask himself. Why was he so comfortable telling him that? He was sure that nobody would hear him out, but the moment the detective asked about his motive, he jumped at the chance to tell him.
Was he getting used to him being around? Shuichi was definitely trying to get close to him. He was told more than once not to bother with him, yet he persisted despite knowing that fully well. Ryoma had a level of respect for his determination, but he wasn't gonna let himself get attached, or let Shuichi get attached to him.
If only it were that easy to shake him off.
The doorbell to his dorm room rang. Ryoma already had a guess on who it could be. That, or someone was planning to strike while everyone was sleeping.
Regardless, he went over to his door, unlocked it, and opened.
He couldn't tell if was getting tired of seeing Shuichi's face or not.
"What now? It's late." Ryoma questioned him. "If you wanted to talk more, I'm afraid I can't do that for you."
"Oh, sorry Ryoma, it's not that. It's just that... Kaito came to my room and asked me to meet him outside. I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me."
He asked him of all people? Maybe his story about the mafia he told Shuichi made him think he could protect him somehow. "Scared something might happen to you?"
"A-A little, but even so, I would feel better if I had someone with me."
So he's been reduced to bodyguard duty. Great.
"...Alright." Ryoma took out a candy cigarette.
"Actually, about earlier..."
"Right. Sorry about losing my cool back there." He apologized, biting down on the chocolate candy.
Shuichi shook his head. "No, I mean... If there was something on your mind."
"This again? I'll say it one more time, I'm fine." He deflected once more.
"No, I don't think you are." He stepped closer towards the tennis pro. "You can't just keep that to yourself, Ryoma. If you do, you're just going to be struggling with it for a long time. You'll just feel worse, and I don't want that for you. From what you've told me today, you've been through enough."
"..." Ryoma was a bit stunned. The raven-haired boy hasn't spoken up that confidently since the first class trial. He was serious, and from what he could tell, he wasn't gonna let up. There was no point in trying to keep it from him any longer.
"Fine. I'll tell you on our way outside though, don't want to keep Kaito waiting."
Shuichi's stern expression softened into a small smile. "Okay."
The boys prepared to leave Ryoma's dorm to go meet Kaito in the courtyard.
"Shuichi."
"Yeah?" He answered the shorter boy as they stepped out of the room.
"I... don't know why, and I know it'll sound pathetic, but since yesterday, I haven't been able to stop thinking about what happened in the pool." He kept his voice low enough to where Shuichi could still hear him, since he noticed someone else was out. "Ever since you saved me from drowning the other day, it's just been on my mind. I've got no reason to lie, it's been freaking me out."
"No Ryoma, I don't think it's pathetic at all." Shuichi responded, voice also low. "You did have a pretty close call, it's only natural that it would bother you."
As the two approached the dormitory's exit, they stopped their current conversation as a tall, lanky student greeted them.
"Oh, Shuichi? Ryoma? Are you going out?" Korekiyo asked in his mysterious, snake-like voice.
"Yeah," Shuichi answered, "Kaito wanted me to meet him outside. I asked Ryoma if he wanted to come with me, too."
"Mhm. He told me it would be better if I came along with him." Ryoma added.
"I see. I saw Kaito near the wisterias. So it was you he was waiting for." The anthropologist addressed the detective. "But... having a secret meeting with the two of you at a time such as this? Do you three intend to exchange motives?"
"I don't know... maybe. He just asked me to meet him."
"Yeah. Even if I wanted to, I don't even know who has my motive video."
"Kehehe... It was merely in jest. Although, I do recall you saying you have an interest in seeing your motive, Ryoma."
"...Hmph." The prisoner folded his arms and looked elsewhere. "I've already told Shuichi and everyone else earlier, but I'm not planning on getting in anyone's way. I don't really care if you believe me or not."
"Hmm." Kiyo studied his far smaller classmate. "Well, since I have witnessed you two here, I suggest you both avoid taking any foolish actions. In any event, I bid you goodnight."
Kiyo made his way back to his room for the night.
Shuichi felt a bit more nervous than before. He had Ryoma with him, but he was still worried about something happening to them.
"...Shuichi, what I was saying before..." Ryoma found himself wanting to continue their conversation. He sensed that Shuichi was getting worried, so he wanted to distract him.
"Y-Yeah." Shuichi turned to him as they left the dormitory to the courtyard.
"It's just..." He sighed and continued. "The idea of me just sinking to my death like that... It kinda gives me this weird sort of anxiety. Naturally I would struggle, but how I felt stuck to me." Ryoma averted his gaze. "...I even had a nightmare about drowning last night. And whenever something to do with it gets mentioned, I find myself thinking about it all over again." He cringed.
"Ah, so that's why you said you only slept decently and had that weird look on your face when I mentioned Kirumi drying our clothes." Shuichi put together, looking sadly at the tennis player at the revelation that he was having nightmares.
"Yeah... I don't want to admit it, but..." He swallowed thickly, managing to keep his expression as stoic as possible. "The thought of all of it was messing with me. I can't seem to keep my mind off of it for very long."
"Ryoma, I know you said before that you weren't planning on surviving to the end. Could it be that... you don't actually want to die?" Shuichi pondered.
"..."
"Nonetheless, I think you'll overcome it eventually. I'll help you out if you ever need it. If there's anything I can do for you, I'd be more than happy to." He gave him a warm smile.
"...Geez, never thought I'd be relying on someone to help me deal with my personal problems. But... I'll let you help me out, Shuichi. To be honest, it's been tiring dealing with this. I'm just trying to move on from it."
"Yeah, it's always a good thing to want to do that."
Ryoma nodded. "Thanks."
The pair eventually made their way to the wisterias, where the astronaut was waiting for Shuichi.
"Yo Shuichi, what took you so long? Kaito greeted him. He noticed the shorter student standing next to the detective. "Oh, Ryoma? What are you doing here?" He deflated a bit.
Ryoma folded his arms. "Shuichi asked me to come with him. I figured I might as well."
"You're always keeping your distance from everybody, but now you're here with Shuichi all of a sudden? What's going on, man?" Kaito asked, puzzled.
"Ah, actually," Shuichi spoke up, "just yesterday, I saved Ryoma from drowning in the pool."
"Wait, really?!" The space cadet was taken aback.
"W-Well, yes..." He stammered, taken off guard by the purple-haired boy's reaction. "I was looking for him after we left the gym, and I found him in the pool. He said that he fell in, and thankfully I got him out in time."
"That's great, Shuichi!" Kaito gave him a thumbs up. "It makes you look a lot more reliable."
"Ah... um... th... thanks..." He scratched at his head, face turning a shade of pink.
Ryoma inwardly twitched at the incident's mention, but pushed against it to let him have this. Shuichi was trying to be more confident after all. He was slowly trying to help him recover from it as well. Besides, it was a little amusing seeing the underconfident boy blushing lightly at Kaito's praise.
"Yeah, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I'm fine now."
"Yeah man, you gotta be more careful next time." The astronaut advised.
"A-Anyways, why did you call me out here Kaito? Is something wrong?" Shuichi smiled nervously.
"When I was chosen as an astronaut trainee, I trained every day, but I haven't done any training here at all. At this rate, I'll get all weak..."
"You could've just trained in the gym, you know." Ryoma pointed out.
"Wha-! W-Well...!" Kaito faltered. "I want Shuichi to join me!"
"Huh? Why me?" Shuichi asked.
"Doesn't matter, now let's get started! Take off your coat!"
"Wait, why-"
Kaito pounded his fists together. "Instead of complaining, just do 50 pushups!"
"A-Alright..."
Ryoma watched as the two took off their jackets in preparation for a workout. He felt a ghost of a smile on his face, already having a feeling of why Kaito would want Shuichi to train with him.
"You too, Ryoma!" The space enthusiast exclaimed.
"Hm?"
"I figured since you're here you might as well join us, too. Who knows, maybe it'll even get you to shape up."
"Hmph. Sure, whatever." Ryoma knew he couldn't back out of this, Kaito would just keep asking him.
He removed his own leather jacket and walked over to the both of them, and the three of them began their workout.
Shuichi was struggling, since he said that he never does pushups. Ryoma was fine though, obviously being very athletic from playing tennis for years, and was able to complete his 50 pushups in no time. Kaito encouraged Shuichi to keep going, saying something like "the impossible is possible, all you gotta do is make it so!"
Whatever that meant.
By the time Shuichi finished his pushups he was lying on the ground, completely exhausted.
"Heh, too many pushups for you, Shuichi?" Ryoma sat in the grass next to him, humored.
He didn't answer, he was too busy trying to catch his breath.
"Geez man, that's pathetic... getting tired from only 50 pushups." Kaito said, sitting up. "Well, that's enough for now. We'll pick back up tomorrow."
"Wait... we're doing this again tomorrow...?" Shuichi wheezed.
"Huh? Well yeah, you gotta do training every day, right?"
"But... why do I 'gotta' do this, Kaito?" He airquoted.
The astronaut's expression became serious. "Because this training's for you..."
"For me...?"
Ryoma simply looked on and stayed silent, not wanting to barge into their conversation. It was Shuichi who he wanted to talk to after all.
Kaito expressed his frustration with Shuichi, pointing out his weakness despite being the one Kaede entrusted her wish to. The detective has been holding back since the first class trial, admitting he felt like he killed Kaede because of his detective work.
It felt odd, but Ryoma sort of saw a little of himself in Shuichi. He blamed himself for his family and lover's deaths, because of his naivete. He might as well have killed them himself. If only he had just thrown the mafia's tennis match instead of letting his sense of justice get in the way...
His thoughts were interrupted by Kaito shouting at Shuichi. Kaede herself made the decision to set up her trap, and that responsibility was her own.
"You'll only make her worry about you if you try to bear all those by yourself!"
...What?
"I... know..." Shuichi said lowly.
He then suddenly raised his voice. "I know that! I already know that! You don't have to tell me that!" Tears began to roll down his cheeks. "But... I can't help it, Kaito...!" He sobbed. "I can't stop myself from thinking about what I could've done!"
Kaito looked away from him.
Shuichi was scared. Scared of revealing the truth. Scared of causing pain and sadness as a result. He couldn't keep it off of his mind.
So Ryoma's not the only one struggling with something stuck on their mind.
The astronaut suddenly flashed a smile at Shuichi. "Alright, I got it!" He bumped his fists together again. "So that's your enemy, huh?!"
The detective looked up, his face stained with tears. "Enemy...?"
"Well, you gotta deal with your worries yourself. I can't give you an answer for those but... at least you know you're weak. As long as you can admit that... then you'll be okay! You just gotta train and get stronger!" Kaito reassured him.
"Huh?"
"Listen up! Training is the only way to overcome your weakness!"
"Ah, but, in my case, getting 'stronger' is more of a mental concept..."
"Your head and body are connected, right? At the end of the day, they're the same!"
What the hell does that even mean?
"...Alright Kaito, I'll try." Shuichi gave him a shy smile, his tears now dried up. "Ah, I mean, will you let me? I want to train with you, Kaito... to get closer to defeating my enemy."
"Well said, bro! But I'm strict, so you better prepare yourself!"
"Bro"? Heh. Ryoma couldn't help but smirk at the two. Guess he was sort of a third wheel in this situation, as he just sat and listened in on their conversation. None of it was his business though, being abruptly dragged out here by Shuichi.
The astronaut and detective playfully argued, Shuichi pointing out that Kaito only did 20 pushups. He said although the goal was 50, it was okay if was off by a few, which didn't seem very fair.
"Yo, Ryoma?"
The smaller boy perked up at the sound of his name.
"I know we kinda left you hanging there for a bit, but we're gonna start our training regimen. You better get ready!" Kaito pumped his fists in the air.
"Hmph. You should focus on actually completing your workout goals instead of worrying about me." Ryoma retorted.
"What?!" He roared.
Kaito now riled up by Ryoma, the three of them started their training. Shuichi decided to trust Kaito, he needed somebody like that right now. He obviously trusted Ryoma too, but he was struggling as well. He avoided the other students, and he didn't let himself trust anybody, either. Maybe Shuichi could get him to...
Eventually they finished the training regimen, Shuichi being sore all over again.
"Alright, that's enough for tonight!" Kaito proclaimed.
"Yea... Yeah, I-I think so too." Shuichi agreed in a strained voice. He picked up his gakuran and stood up. "Actually, Kaito... the reason I asked Ryoma specifically to come with me, was because I've been talking to him lately."
The tennis player looked up at Shuichi bewildered.
"I wanted to reach out to him, I was getting worried because of what he said about not surviving to the end..." Shuichi looked at the ground. "I didn't want anything to happen to him. Kaede wanted us all to escape here as friends. He's my classmate after all."
"Yeah, I think that's a good step forward, Shuichi. I'm sure Kaede would've wanted that." The purple-haired astronaut smiled.
Ryoma frowned, though a hint of sadness could be seen behind his expression. "Hmph, don't get your hopes up." He picked up his own jacket and began to pace back to the dormitory. "See you tomorrow."
Kaito scowled. "You saved his life and that's how he acts? Tch. Is he even thinking about Kaede?" He complained.
The raven-haired boy stayed silent.
Ryoma... Shuichi thought to himself. He knew exactly why Ryoma kept pushing everyone away. He didn't want anybody to get hurt because of him, since he already lost all of his loved ones because he didn't know any better.
But he knew he couldn't stay like that forever. It just wasn't a way to willingly live your life. He wasn't going to let it happen.
o0o
Shuichi had already gone back to his room for the night. Ryoma was about to open the door to his dorm room when he heard Kaito shouting for him.
"Ryoma, wait up!"
Why was he so loud? He's lucky these rooms are soundproof, or else he would've woken everyone else up. He just wanted to go to bed, and right now, he didn't feel like hearing Tenko yell about "degenerate males being too loud at night" while the girls were trying to sleep.
The astronaut trainee caught up to him. "What the hell's your problem, man?! Shuichi's trying to reach out to you and you keep pushing him away! What gives?"
Ryoma's expression was rife with exhaustion. "Kaito, I'm tired. I just want to get some sleep."
"Don't dodge the question, answer me!" His temper flared.
"...Fine. If you really want it simply put, I'm a murderer. You know good and well you shouldn't hang around someone like that. You'll just end up in trouble because I decided to be an idiot one day." Ryoma didn't have the energy to argue.
Kaito's anger suddenly subsided.
"Ryoma, you were listening to everything, right? I don't know what's going on with you, but whatever it is, you gotta fight it. Your claim that you have no will to live and that you're not worth anything... those are your enemies, right? Sometimes you gotta fight, even yourself, to survive. Even if it seems like it's hopeless, you just gotta keep getting stronger."
"..." Ryoma stared blankly at the space enthusiast.
"...I'll think about it." He simply put. "But don't count on anything."
With that, he went into his dorm room, leaving a somewhat frustrated Kaito behind.
"Seriously, what's that guy's problem...? Does he even care that if he lets himself die, the killing game will start again?" He pondered, arms folded.
As usual, Ryoma removed his jacket and hopped into bed. He had no energy left from today as his head plopped onto his soft pillow, nearly falling asleep instantly. His eyes closed, Kaito's words rang in his head.
His lack of self-preservation and worth were his enemies? Both he and Shuichi had problems, it's just that Shuichi was a good person. Ryoma believed he wasn't. No one who commits a crime like murder is a good person, right?
"You guys wouldn't want to be friends with a girl who killed someone, right?" Kaede said, tears streaming down her face.
Geez. He pushed the memory to the back of his mind and quickly fell asleep, not making a sound.