Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing except the order these words are in, everything else belongs to JKR.
A/N: Y'all I got this chapter out so fast! I expect to see a lot of votes and comments hehe (*winks and points at little star in the corner*)
Additionally, thank you guys so much for 20k views! And 700 votes! That's absolutely insane! ALSO, I started this story a long time ago, and as I'm sure all of you know I'm pretty bad at updating. So, if I screw up some details or something related to what I wrote earlier, please, please, please tell me so I can fix it! I just don't want to go back and reread everything all over again – I really hate having to do that lol
November 2, 1977
7th Year Gryffindor Girls Dorms – 2:30 am
Hermione's POV:
*Use of Profanity*
She was running again. Just like every other night – through the halls of Hogwarts, past her beloved library, past the Fat Lady, to the Great Hall.
And just like every other night, Bellatrix was waiting for her, maniacal grin on her face, twirling her wand through her wild hair.
Minerva was there, too – laying on the floor at Bellatrix's feet, her body bloody and bruised.
However, Hermione didn't have time to help her mother because the madwoman – as always – started in on her. A few quick spells later, and Hermione was wandless, powerless against her worst enemy.
Bellatrix raised her wand, and the Crucios spewed from her lips as an endless stream of hisses, and Hermione felt the pain in her lungs and arm intensify.
All she could do was scream.
3rd Person POV:
She awoke with a start, shooting straight up in her bed, her head slamming into something, or rather someone.
"Ow! Bloody hell! What the – oh fuck! It's bleeding!"
As Hermione came to her senses, she realized that everyone – Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, Alice, and the remaining Marauders were all crowded around her bed, staring at her, and now, Sirius, too.
She stared back for a moment, the only noise in the dorm coming from Sirius, who was swearing his bloody brains out. Snapping out of it, she swallowed thickly, "W-What happened? Why, er," she cleared her throat, trying not to squeak, "why are you all standing there?"
Lily looked at her nervously, "Um, Hermione, you were screaming."
"Yeah," Sirius, who had finally managed to stop the bleeding, grumbled, "and it was bloody loud, too. Woke the whole damn tower up."
Her eyes widened, and she clapped a hand over her mouth, "Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I-I didn't mean to, I swear! I, er, must have forgotten the silencing charms, or something, Merlin, I'm sorry, it won't happen again."
She started babbling, but was cut off when Remus shoved Sirius' shoulder, and he muttered, albeit reluctantly, "Hermione, calm down, it's not a big deal, my head just hurts, I didn't mean to snap at you."
"Er, yeah, sorry about that, I didn't mean to hit you."
"It's fine, it doesn't hurt that much."
Lily snorted at him, "Sure, okay."
He ignored her, and turned back to Hermione, "Well, if you're fine, and not being attacked by a herd of bloody hippogriffs, we should all go back to bed."
Murmurs of agreement drifted through the dorm, and one by one, everyone made their way back to their beds.
Hermione yanked the curtains surrounding her bed shut and cast the silencing charms ten times over – she couldn't make any more mistakes.
She lay there for the rest of the night, unable to sleep, thinking about what she had overheard earlier.
So, Sirius and James think I could be a Death Eater. It didn't really make sense to her, but a part of her knew that if she were in their shoes, she would have been suspicious of her, too.
God, everything was just so complicated! All she wanted to do was go home and see Harry, Ron, Ginny, and the Minerva she knew again.
7th Year Gryffindor Boys Dorms – A Little While Later
Sirius's POV:
He liked Hermione. Really, he did. However, the closeness that he, James, and Remus felt to her was quite unnerving. Sirius was sure he had never met her before, but it felt like he had known her for years, and that scared him.
He didn't quite think she was a bad person, but he wasn't sure if she was good.
I mean, look at the facts: One, she dropped from the ceiling, bruised all over and enough blood to fill a river. Two, she exposed Peter as a Death Eater. Three, she left Hogwarts on the same night many Slytherins – who he was sure were Death-Eaters-in-training left. And, four, she had nightmares – why else would she wake up in the middle of the night screaming bloody murder and talking about forgetting silencing charms? Oh, and of course, she beat Bellatrix – his insane Death Eater cousin – in a duel.
Okay, now, to piece it all together.
She exposed Peter – the fucking rat – and a Death Eater probably wouldn't do that. Unless! He tried not to let his thoughts run away from him. Unless, it was part of some master plan to do…well…to do whatever it was she was doing for Voldemort.
Of course, this was based on the premise that she was working for Voldemort.
Now, for the nightmares. Well, it was a well-known fact that Voldemort tortured his followers, but it wasn't exactly like he let them get away. However, if she was working for him, she probably would've been tortured at some point, and it would make sense for her to have nightmares.
She had left Hogwarts the same night the Junior Death Eaters had – what other reason could she have to leave? Well, one thing was for certain, he certainly didn't know.
She had also beaten Mad-Eye and Bellatrix – something that no one had ever done. Well. Probably. Either way – she was powerful. Really, really, powerful, there was no doubt about it. Perhaps, Voldy had trained her!
Merlin! He shot up in bed, she's here to infiltrate the Order! She's a spy! The rational part of his head tried to calm him down, but it was to no avail – It all made sense!
Except, you know, the whole falling from the ceiling thing. He didn't really have an explanation for that.
And, of course, her being a Death Eater didn't explain the closeness he felt, but he could always just brush that off. But, whatever, it wasn't important.
But no, she could still be a Death Eater.
After coming to this conclusion, Sirius hurriedly woke Remus and James, telling them what he thought he figured out.
It was nearly four in the morning when the three boys decided that they would be careful around Hermione – they wouldn't be overly close to her, nor would they tell her anything personal, but they wouldn't be rude or mean to her either.
November 2, 1977
The Great Hall – 8:00 am
3rd Person POV:
Hermione slowly made her way to the Great Hall, dread worming its way through her stomach at the thought of having to see everyone after what had happened that night.
As she entered, she immediately spotted the Marauders sitting at the Gryffindor table, along with Lily and Marlene – Dorcas was sitting with someone else at the Ravenclaw table, and Alice was, she assumed, off with Frank somewhere. He really thought she was a Death Eater – the very idea of it shocked her, but she reminded herself that if she put herself in his shoes, she would definitely be suspicious of her.
Should I still go sit with them? Quite frankly, Hermione was trying to decide what to do when she accidentally made eye contact with Sirius. She felt a sharp pang in her chest when he hurriedly turned away.
Okay, well, space it is. If space is what they want, that makes sense. I'll give them space. Taking a deep breath, she walked over to the end of the table and sat down by herself, grabbing a cup of coffee and a slice of toast. Hermione ate quickly, ignoring the stares from her fellow Gryffindors, and headed to her first class of the day – potions.
Lost in thought, she took a seat in the back of the room, something she didn't think she had ever voluntarily done before.
Severus plopped down next to her, "Why are you sitting back here? And where's your gang of obnoxious Gryffindors?"
Startled, she buried her head in her hands and said, "Bad night. I barely slept, and I've got an awful headache."
"Oh, okay. Do you need a pepper-up?"
"No, thank you."
"Where are the rest of the Gryffindors?"
Hermione tried to hold in her sigh, "I don't know. I didn't sit with them at breakfast today."
"Why not?"
"Just, er, just because. It's none of your business."
A flash of hurt crossed his face, but he continued talking, "Uhh, okay. Do you know what we're brewing today?"
"No."
"Well, I hope it'll be interesting. I hope it's Polyjuice, I've always wanted to try it, but it takes so long. Do you think brewing Polyjuice would be hard?"
"I don't know, okay? Why are you asking so many questions? What are you, a toddler? Stop it! Just-just shut up!" Hermione snapped at him, the exasperation clear in her tone.
The rest of the Gryffindors walked in just in time to see their interaction, and Severus turned away from her without a word, trying not to feel hurt by her words.
Hermione grimaced, and said, "Severus, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you! I-I just had a long night, I didn't mean it."
To her dismay, he didn't even look at her when he responded, "It's fine."
Fuck. Just when she had been getting closer to Snape, just when she was starting to have a friend out here – one that didn't think she was a Death Eater – she had to go and screw it up. God, I hope this doesn't mess things up too bad.
The class ended with Slughorn assigning an essay, and Severus not sparing her a glance as he left for the library.
She hurried after him, determined to correct her mistake.
"Severus!" She gasped, trying to catch her breath after running all the way to the library, not noticing that Sirius had followed her the whole way, "Severus! Listen to me, please!"
"It's fine, Granger. Not a big deal." She opened her mouth to reply, but he cut her off, "Stop it. You're making a scene."
Slowly, Hermione felt the panic seep through her veins, no, please, I don't want to be alone. "Severus, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I had a bad n-night, and I took it out on you. P-Please forgive me. I'll make it up to you, I-I swear!" She tried to prevent the tears that welled up in her eyes from spilling out.
Severus noticed her panic, and shot her an incredulous look, "What the hell? Calm down. I just told you. It's not a big deal. Merlin, witches are so annoying," he muttered the last part under his breath.
Finally realizing she was having a panic attack in the middle of the library, Hermione tried to even her breathing out, in through your nose, out through your mouth.
In through your nose, out through your mouth.
C'mon Hermione. It's not a big deal. It's just a panic attack. You're fine. You're fine. You're fine. You're fine. She kept repeating the mantra in her head, unaware that she had started openly crying, and talking out loud.
Panicked, Severus lead her out of the library and into an abandoned classroom, sitting her down on a desk, "Hermione," he tried a gentler tone, "look at me. Take a deep breath."
She stared at him, breath coming out in short gasps, trying to listen to what he was saying.
"There you go." He nodded as she slowly managed to steady her breathing.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, um, I mean-"
"It's okay. I mean it." He tried to smile at her. While he was hurt by her words earlier, he didn't want to ruin their new friendship – and it wasn't like she had said anything truly bad.
After a minute, he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?" When she didn't respond, he pressed on, "It might help. You don't have to, but I won't tell anyone, if that's what you're worried about. We, er, we're friends." He paused, "Right?"
Sensing his hesitation, she turned towards him, giving him a small smile, "Yes, of course we are. I'll tell you, just give me a second, please."
"Okay."
She took a deep breath, "Alright. So, well, you saw how I kinda fell through the ceiling." She smiled dryly, "Well, you see, I was running from some, er, people." He raised an eyebrow, clearly wanting to ask who the 'people' were, but she continued, "So, I get nightmares, cause, well, it wasn't exactly a really fun experience. Anyway, last night, I forgot to put up silencing charms – I usually do, you know, so that no one can hear me if I cry or scream or something – and I woke up screaming. Which, well, woke the whole tower up. And now, everyone thinks I'm crazy."
He stared at her for a moment, "W-Well. That explains why you were crabby this morning." He paused, trying to think of the right thing to say, "Are you okay now?"
Hermione gave him a watery smile, "Yeah, just gotta remember those silencing charms," she tried to laugh it off.
"Okay-" the bell rang, and he hurried to finish what he was saying, "if you need anything, just ask and I'll try to help the best I can."
"Thank you, Severus." She wrapped her arms around her, and he awkwardly hugged her back.
7th Year Gryffindor Girls Dorms – 11:30 pm
Sirius's POV:
It had been a long day.
Too much homework – way, way too much homework.
After witnessing everything between Hermione and Snape – their argument, Hermione's panic attack, hearing about her nightmares – he didn't know what to think.
Remus had berated him for snooping on them, but he was glad he had done it, in the end. He had learned quite a bit. Well. Not quite a bit, but enough to make the snooping worth it.
He still wasn't sure if Hermione was a Death Eater or not – the logic that since Voldemort tortured his followers, and she might have nightmares from that still made sense to him. However, he was determined to stay her friend, while keeping her at arm's length the whole time. If it turned out she was a Death Eater, maybe she would have told him valuable information that could help the Order. He knew James' parents were part of the Order of the Phoenix, and both he and his brother couldn't wait until they could join. And, if it turned out that Hermione wasn't a Death Eater, he could always get closer to her – something he wouldn't be able to do if was rude to her all along.
Satisfied with his conclusions for the night, he rolled over in bed, already half asleep, and blissfully unaware of the silent cries that were already coming from the girls' dorm, just a room over.
A/N: I swear to god if y'all don't start voting…
jk I can't do anything, but I do kind of hate seeing like 200 on a chapter reads and only like 30 votes lol. It only takes a couple seconds to vote but it can really make my day (so do comments *wink*). Wow, I really sound like a commercial right there lmao.
So anyway, it would be super appreciated, and it definitely motivates me to get these chapters out faster!
ALSO! I had some trouble writing her panic attack. I apologize if it was completely unrelatable or if I got it super wrong. I get them quite a bit, so I tried to base it off my experiences, but I wasn't entirely sure how to write it and how I wanted to write it. If anyone has any tips, for writing panic attacks/scenes like that, please tell me lol
Thanks for reading & I hope you enjoyed it!
- zoe :)