Mia raised the glass of lavender lemonade to her parched throat, eager to wash off the salty taste of the sea from her cracked lips when the glass disappeared and she almost fell back.

The breeze of the sea disappeared, together with the feeling of the hot sand between her toes, replaced instead by a twine between her toe and the other fingers, and a distinctively cool feeling all around.

She blinked. She looked around. River, trees, blue sky, late summer, after rain. She checked her reflection. Yep, Madara the firebrat again and he seemed even younger than the first time she saw him. Possessed him. Whatever. Young firebrat Madara also really needed to pee. Ugh, why did fictional characters have physiological functions?

"Hey, firebrat!" She shouted. There was no reply in her head, no hint of other awareness stirring. Mia rummaged deep, turning into its body to and fro. Nothing. "Hey!" She shouted, waving her hands. She ran full tilt to the river, intending to make him activate the chakra, but she just ran into the frigid water.

Pants dripping, she went back on the shore. She looked down. Was there a way to pee without untying the obi? And did she have to? The body seemed…not that old. Consent. Fuck. "Oi firebrat! Madara!" She tried shaking his consciousness, but found nothing.

The pressure on his bladder was really mounting up. Swearing at the Uchiha, Mia put her hands under the clothes, grabbed the offending appendage and took it out. "Shit, I grabbed too hard!" It hurt. What the fuck? Why was it tender? She aimed it vaguely away and let go.

The pee dribbled on her clothes. It also hurt and burned. "Fuuuuck," she screamed as she let go.

"There is too much physics involved in peeing like this," she thought afterward tiredly. It also hurt like a bitch and she shad also seen red mixed in the urine. Her kidneys must have been fucked up.

The contortions then came to put it back. Did she just shake it, without wiping? Ugh, it felt so unhygienic. She put it back and took two steps before she arranged it again. Then again. Why the fuck it was not staying put? Shouldn't be that hard. Males were doing this all the time without thinking.

Finally feeling more or less confortable, Mia started walking back, away from the river. She must be in Uchiha territory and maybe if she cleared her thoughts, the body would automatically take her to his home, right? Muscle memory and all that. Considering he had the sharingan and was a prodigy, Madara's muscle memory must be on steroids.

Some undetermined time after the freaking sunset, she was forced to concede that maybe the Uchiha were not all that. She was fucking running in circles, the forest with no end in sight. She tried hopping in trees and almost broke her leg.

Mia tried channeling chakra, half remembering some hand signs, but nothing worked. She had no idea what was the correct the order anyway. "Fuck your muscle memory, Uchiha, and fuck your sharingan, and fuck your ancest-" her rant cut off as a circle of Uchiha turned to watch her, sharingan activated. Weapons ready. Clothes dark and Batman-like. Terrified child, backed in a corner.

Mai whistled. This, at least, sounded good. She could whistle full arias, a short call for attention was too easy. She grinned unpleasantly. "One, two, three, four, five adults assaulting one kid. You must be really proud," she mocked. Madara's voice was throwing her off, making her feel as if she was hearing someone mouth her words with a split second delay.

"Madara," a black haired one with a huge ass shuriken, greeted her curtly.

I have no idea what your stupid ass names are, she thought, but plowed on. "You look really suspicious like that," she continued. "And pathetic."

The others bristled. The exhausted boy was watching the exchange with trepidation. He was stuck there, anyway. "He is a soldier, thus he can be expected to receive the same treatment as everybody else," the shuriken guy said.

Mia snorted. It sounded like a pig's grunt. "Keep telling yourselves that. I'll take care of it," she finished, arms crossed.

The other Uchiha watched her without moving.

Mia saw red from fury. "I said , get a move on. I'll take care of it. " The other Uchiha slowly turned to him and jumped into the trees, disappearing in the night. She blinked. Her vision returned to the normal greys and muted colours of the night vision.

The boy blinked, dazed, knees buckling as he took a few steps away from the rock. He seemed to be going into shock.

Mia took a step towards him. "Hey, it's going to be fine," she said smiling. "Need a hand?" The boy did not react, tensing as she approached. Or Madara approached.

"What is your name?" Mia asked conversationally.

"Itama Senju," the boy said slowly, the syllables stuttering in his throat.

Mia nodded. Itama. Who was it? Some random shinobi? "Cool hair," she commented in the silence. "Did you dye it?"

"It is natural," the boy replied, one hand automatically going to his hair to pull on it.

Mia gasped. "No way! That's pretty cool,'" she said for his benefit.

The boy seemed lost. This reminded her. Shit, she should have just followed the Uchihas. On second thought, maybe not. They were assholes. Ganging on children. Well, children who probably had a body count stacked up but anyway. It was nobody she knew. She cheerfully ignored the fact that had she had a personal grudge against the kid and his family, she would have definitely shanked him with no compunction. The animal kingdom was egalitarian like that and humans were just animals that walked primarily on two legs, after all.

Right, the boy was lost, she was lost. In Madara's body who was fucking sleeping or something. "Since I saved your life and all," she started and she saw the boy, Itama, tense. Waiting for her next words. "Which way to the Uchiha lands?" She asked tiredly. She wanted a bed. She wanted someone to look at Madara's dick and give it medication. It hurt. His elbow was clicking when she moved it in wider circles. The left shoulder smarted. Her thighs burned. And she was so ravenously hungry her stomach felt like a stone submerged in acid. Her sandal straps were also chafing her skin.

Itama looked even more confused.

"Oh, come on," Mia muttered irritatedly. "Can I get our location? The lay of the land?"

Itama opened his mouth to say his first words. "You speak weird," he commented unhelpfully.

Mia's eyebrow twitched. "Oh go fuck yourself," she said just as she bent down to retie her sandal. Something whizzed above her head. There was a metallic clink. Mia looked back to receive a punch in the face.