A/N: Trigger warning: Due to the plot of this story, it goes to darker places than my other stories. I know that some are uncomfortable reading fics where Olivia has been raped. I don't expect anyone to read this, especially if it is triggering. Please proceed with caution, and don't feel bad if this isn't your cup of tea. There are other stories to read. Also trigger warnings for torture, kidnapping, and PTSD. No graphic flashbacks in this chapter, but the discussion may be triggering.

As expected when staying in a hospital, their slumber was anything but peaceful. Elliot's heart broke every time Olivia awoke in terror when someone came into the room to check her vitals, or when a loud noise was heard in the hallway. He spent several minutes helping her calm down and coaxing her back to sleep each time. After about the sixth time, when he thought she was finally safely back asleep again, the nightmares started. Her screams caused her heart rate to skyrocket, which meant more strange staffers coming into the room to make sure she was okay. She clung to him, sobbing as he tried to soothe her.

She didn't go back to sleep after that but as worried as he was, he didn't push her. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep either, and he didn't want to leave her alone in her thoughts. He was thankful that his presence was soothing for her, that his voice helped ease the storms in her mind. He knew he couldn't eliminate her pain, no matter how badly he wanted to, but he'd spend the rest of her life doing whatever she needed him to do to ease it.

He talked to her about his kids, about their squad. He attempted to comfort her with tales about the people she loved, the people that had become her family. It killed him that those stories were reminders of how much time had been stolen from her over the last year. How forces beyond her control made her miss out on the lives of the people who meant most to her. More than just time, she'd been robbed of a year of love and should've been home with him, with people who cherished her, and knew what an incredible person she was.

Instead, she'd spent a year in hell being abused by lowlife scumbags who viewed her as less than them.

He was going to make them pay. Every last one of them was going to pay for what they'd done to her. Whatever it took. He was going to get justice for her. He was going to spend the rest of his life reminding her that she deserved the world. She deserved justice.

He wondered though, if justice would be enough. He wanted revenge for her. He wanted them to feel the pain and terror they put her through. He knew she needed him, and he'd be no good to her in jail for murdering her captors, but that didn't mean he didn't think about it. He wanted to hunt them down and slaughter them with his bare hands. He didn't want to stop until they were dead.

He'd get her justice, and he wouldn't do anything that would jeopardize his ability to be with her and care for her, but, dammit, he wanted to avenge her, too, and he wasn't sorry for thinking that. He would take his punishment on judgment day, but surely the heavenly father would understand the anger he felt, and his drive for vengeance. Surely, that was a sin that could be forgiven.

Yeah, Cragen probably shouldn't let Elliot anywhere near these bastards. It was probably good that Fin and Munch were making the arrests, not him, although he doubted his colleagues would be cordial to the scum either.

He hoped there were casualties in that car crash. If there were, he hoped the monsters were burning in hell for eternity. He hoped their deaths were painful. He hoped they felt every shard of glass and felt the brunt of the impact. He hoped the airbags didn't deploy. He hoped every bone in their body was broken, and that they felt it.

If the crash had been that severe though, Olivia might not have survived, and that wasn't a scenario he wanted swirling around in his mind.

His thoughts were interrupted by the door opening, and Olivia clutching him tighter.

"Shh, I'm here. I'm here. It's ok," He soothed as the forensics nurse entered.

"Detective Stabler? I have the results of your partner's rape kit if you want to step outside and I will discuss it with you."

"No! No, don't leave me. Please, don't leave me," Olivia's knuckles were white as she gripped his shirt.

"Shh, I'm not going anywhere," He cooed before addressing the other woman. "Ma'am whatever you have to say can be said in front of Detective Benson. It was her body that you examined. She has the right to be in the room when her health is being discussed."

"O-of course. I just thought-"

"Well, you thought wrong. She needs me right now, and until that changes, I won't be leaving her side. She gets to decide. She has control over who is there for her and who is not. If she wants me to go I will go, but she doesn't, so I'm not leaving," He spoke sternly, but softly, so he didn't frighten the woman in his arms.

The idea that she could ever be afraid of him if he sounded angry or loud, like when he yelled at the doctor earlier that day, broke his heart. He wanted his presence to be a source of security, comfort, and love for her. He wanted his voice to be something that soothed her when she heard it, never a trigger, but he knew from his years on the job that he had to be careful now, and that it was normal after a trauma like she suffered, for someone like him, a man of his build, to be a reminder of the horror she'd endured. She'd known him for eight years, and deep down she knew he wouldn't hurt her, but she couldn't control what triggered her. He would spend the rest of his life, if that's what it took, reminding her she could trust him, even when she couldn't trust anyone else.

X

Extensive vaginal trauma.

Signs of repeated penetration.

Multiple DNA samples.

Some of the damage may have been caused by objects.

Every sentence made him feel sick, and he wished the nurse had told him outside after all so he could've spared Olivia from hearing it, even though it was her it happened to.

He could've gone the rest of his life without hearing those words about the woman he loved most in the world.

His anger at Olivia's assailants was growing and he was barely listening to the nurse anymore until he heard the word 'infection' and 'antibiotics' and fear shot through him.

"An in-she has an infection? Tell me it's not life-threatening," His voice cracked, and he held her tighter.

"With the antibiotics, it should resolve within weeks," He nearly sobbed in relief. "You should be aware though, since we don't know how long she's gone without treatment, that there may be additional complications. Chlamydia can cause Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, and possibly infertility."

Chlamydia.

One of those bastards gave her an STI.

Having children was the last thing on either of their minds right now, but he hated that she may have been permanently stripped of that opportunity if it was something she wanted down the road.

He had to remind her though, as many times as she needed him to, that he would love her no matter what. He already had four children. As much as he would love a mini Benson-Stabler running around, he wasn't going to leave her if it wasn't an option. Besides, she needed time to heal before she could even think about having sex again, and that was if she ever wanted to. He would be patient with her. No matter what.

The nurse left the room for a few minutes, giving them some time alone. Olivia stayed silent and Elliot whispered sweet nothings in her ear while stroking her hair. His arms stayed wrapped around her securely as she huddled against his chest.

"I love you, sweetheart. I'm here. No matter what. I've got you," When the nurse returned she gave them a pamphlet along with the antibiotics. Then they were alone again.

"El?" She sounded anxious and exhausted. He wished so badly he could do something to help her sleep.

"Right here," He stopped himself from asking 'what's wrong' because then he feared it might make him sound unattentive. Like he hadn't been listening to her at all and was oblivious to her suffering. Reassurances that he was there, or asking her what she needed sounded better. He already knew what was wrong. She had been through hell and was drowning in the aftermath.

She'd been raped.

She'd been abused by the scum of the earth.

He knew his words wouldn't heal her, and neither would his embrace, but he prayed that it was helping on some level.

"What do you need, Livia? You can tell me anything."

"They gave me the pill, right? When they did the rape kit? Did I take it?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure? I'm scared that I-I might have forgotten to take it."

"You took it. I promise."

"You're not just saying that because you didn't want me to take it, right?"

"Olivia, Catholic or not, I would never do that to you. I wouldn't lie to you, especially about that. I know how much that would hurt you, and I would never want to be the cause of your pain."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-I just-"

"Shh, you have nothing to apologize for. I know that you're scared right now and that it's gonna be hard to trust people for a while, but I promise you that I love you unconditionally, and I would never take your control away like that. It's your choice. Not mine. Regardless of what my religion or anything else says."

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, darling. I'm here for you. Always."

"El?" She spoke again after a few beats of silence.

"Hmm?" She didn't know how to voice her fear. She didn't know how to tell him that, while the pill may have prevented the chance of a pregnancy from the most recent attack, that one days or weeks earlier that she hadn't gotten a pill for, could've resulted in that. She didn't know how to voice the fear that she had already become her mother and didn't realize it.

"I-I can't," She whimpered, fighting off the panic attack.

"Shhh, you're safe. You're safe. I've got you. Breathe with me. I've got you," She didn't close her eyes, for fear of what she might see if she did. "You can tell me anything. You can ask for anything," He soothed.

"The pill-it could've-what if it didn't make a difference because they already-"

"Liv-"

"Elliot, I couldn't do it. I have no idea how my mother did it, I just know I couldn't. If they-I can't carry a child that came from-" Her words cut off with a sob. "I can't! I'm not strong enough! I-"

"I would never expect you to. I promise. If it comes to that I will support whatever you want to do."

"They were so evil, so violent. I was scared it might happen while I was in captivity, but I thought maybe, because of how bad they'd beat me that would prevent-I'm a horrible person aren't I?"

"No you're not, and you're not weak either. You were a victim, you had been traumatized. None of it was your fault. None of it. I'm so sorry you went through that. I wish I could've protected you."

"I didn't want them to, I tried to do what they said and not anger them, but I couldn't help-"

"Of course you couldn't, honey. You don't have to justify anything to me."

"T-they'd get mad at me if I cried, or told them no, or didn't do something fast enough, or didn't say I wanted it. That always made them get rougher when I wouldn't tell them I liked it, but I didn't Elliot! It hurt so bad. I couldn't-"

"Shh, I know, baby. I know."

Jesus fucking Christ he was going to kill these animals. When he figured out what their names were from the DNA samples in the rape kit, he was going to hunt them down and slaughter them one by one.

"Or if I-if I tried to close my eyes to block it out, but sometimes I couldn't control that, and-" She sobbed when the flashback hit.

I wanna see your eyes when I fuck you.

"El," She whimpered and clung to him tighter.

"It's over. It's over. I promise. We don't have to talk about it anymore today. Shhh," He cooed and hoped his voice would drown out the one responsible for her current distress.

"Please make him go away, El. Please."

"There's no one else here, Livia. I promise. It's just you and me. Just you and El," She shook her head frantically.

"Get him off me!"

"Liv-"

"Stop touching me, please!" She cried out and he quickly removed his arms from around her and got off the bed to give her space, worried that his once comforting embrace was a threatening one in her present state.

"Ok, ok. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll stand over here, ok. I won't touch you unless you want me to-"

Wrong choice of words.

"I don't want it!"

"I know, baby. It's ok. It's ok. I know you don't want to be touched right now, and that's perfectly fine. You have the right to not want to be touched. There's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't make me angry, ok? I'm not angry. Can you hear my voice? It's soft. It's gentle. I'm not mad. I swear, I'm not," He knelt on the floor and put his hands up as if surrendering. "I'm not angry. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm not gonna touch you because I know that would scare you right now, and I don't want to do that. I'm gonna sit right here, and we're gonna breathe together ok? That's it. There you go. Focus on my voice. It's just Elliot."

"Elliot?" There were hints of recognition in her tone.

"I'm right here. If you need me to step outside for a minute I will."

"You can't leave. If you leave he'll come back and hurt me again."

"Baby I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you ever again. I promise. I won't leave unless you ask me to."

"I don't want you to leave."

"Then I won't."

"I just can't be touched right now," She sniffled.

"Then you won't be. I won't touch you, and I won't let anyone else touch you either."

"Promise you're not mad?" If there was any part of his heart that hadn't already broken, the fact that her mind could even for a second consider that he would be mad at her for not wanting his hands on her body would've broken it.

I promise. I'm not mad. Not even a little," He was angry at the men who had hurt her, but he knew right now it was best to show no anger. Period.

"I hate that I did that, that I made you think I was afraid of you-"

"You didn't do anything wrong, Olivia. You had a flashback, and even though my arms were around you for comfort your trauma told you otherwise. You didn't do anything to me. You were scared and you needed space. That's ok."

"I was afraid because he showed up while you were holding me, and then I couldn't feel you anymore and he wouldn't stop, and-"

"I know, I know, it's over. It's over," A knock on the door made her jump. He slowly moved closer to the bed, standing between her and the door protectively, guarding her as if his life depended on it. "Who is it?" He felt her hand reach for his and he squeezed gently. He was thankful she saw his touch as safe again, but he wanted to let her choose what that touch was, so resisted the urge to wrap her in his arms.

"My name is Dr. Patel," They relaxed when they realized the voice was female. "I'm a Psychiatrist here, and I wanted to see if it was okay if I talked to Detective Benson for a few minutes."

"Just a sec," He sat back down on the bed and turned to Olivia. "It's your call. If you don't feel up to talking I can tell her to come back tomorrow."

"Can you stay?"

"As long as you're okay with me staying. The only way I will leave your side is if you ask me to."

"I feel safer with you here."

"Good. I want you to feel safe with me. I would do anything to keep you safe," She scooted closer to him after giving him the okay to let the doctor come in. The woman that entered her room pulled up a chair, wanting to appear non-threatening. She had a warm, not patronizing smile, and her voice was kind.

"Detective Benson, is it okay if I call you Olivia?" She nodded against Elliot's shoulder. "You can call me Marissa. Is there anything you need right now that I can get for you?"

"I wanna go home."

"I bet you do. I think we can get that arranged pretty soon. We just want to make sure you're okay first."

"I am ok. I don't like it here. I wanna go home."

"You wanna know a secret? I don't like hospitals either."

"You don't?"

"Nope. They're stinky," She scrunched her nose dramatically eliciting small chuckles from the two partners.

"But you work here."

"Well, I get to meet cool people like you. That makes it worth it," Olivia jumped at the sound of a door being shut down the hallway. She gripped Elliot tighter. "Olivia, do you feel safe with Elliot?" Elliot prayed to whoever was listening that the doctor wouldn't suggest he left the room.

"Of course I do. He's my partner."

"Can you tell me what he does that helps you feel safe?" He sighed in relief. She wasn't going to ask him to leave. She was trying to help Olivia feel grounded by directing her thoughts to something pleasant.

"He protects me. He's always had my back," Not always, Elliot thought with a spike of guilt. "He stands up for me. He holds me when I'm scared, and tells me he loves me, and that he would never hurt me."

"Do you believe him when he says those things?"

"Yes," Thank God for that.

"He cares about you a lot doesn't he?"

"I don't know why. I don't deserve it," His heart cracked at that and he spoke up.

"I do, and you do deserve it," He corrected tenderly.

"How do you feel right now when you're next to him and he's holding your hand?"

"Like no one's gonna hurt me," Elliot didn't bring up the flashback, which was the exception to that, he didn't want to make her relive that.

"Well I'm very glad to hear that, and I want you to know that all of us at this hospital want you to feel safe too. We are gonna make sure that no one hurts you. We care about you and are making sure you're protected." Her only response was a sniffle. "If there's anything we can do to make you feel safe, don't be afraid to ask okay?" She nodded. "Are you feeling up to talking about what happened?"

"It's up to you, honey," Elliot whispered when Olivia didn't respond. "If you're not ready and want to wait until a different day that's okay." She snuggled closer to him. "She's-she's had a really long day. Maybe we could wait until tomorrow?"

"Ok, that's fine. Let me know if you two need anything."

"Thank you."

"Have the doctors told you how long she will need to stay in the hospital?"

"Probably a couple more days so they can monitor her," He wished he could take her home right now. Maybe she'd be able to sleep better, but he didn't want to put her health at risk by leaving the hospital early.

"I wanna go home."

"We will, Livia. Soon. I promise."

"Will you be staying with her when she goes home?"

"I plan to. For as long as she lets me," After a year apart, he wasn't sure he could take it if they lived in separate places.

Once it was just the two of them in the room again, Elliot texted Cragen to tell him tomorrow might be a better day for a visit, but to keep him updated if any of Olivia's captors were arrested.

She curled up in his lap again and allowed him to wrap his arms around her. He knew the lack of sleep was weighing on her. He was feeling it too, but he was more worried about her. He would sleep when she was okay.

After making sure Olivia was okay with it, he pressed the call button for a nurse who gave her some Lorazepam to help with her anxiety. He knew sleeping in hospitals was always rough, but he hoped this would help. He whispered soft reassurances and words of love in her ear to coax her to sleep. She rested her head on his chest over his heartbeat and he hoped it made her feel calm. If not he would be there to comfort her like he was last time. Like he promised he always would be.

A/N: This felt like a good endpoint. I know I haven't gotten to the case part yet, so this story might feel like it's really slow, but there's more coming. I promise. Thanks for reading and thanks to my beta FragileVixenFic :)