A/N: Trigger warning: Due to the plot of this story, it goes to darker places than my other stories. I know that some are uncomfortable reading fics where Olivia has been raped. I don't expect anyone to read this, especially if it is triggering. Please proceed with caution, and don't feel bad if this isn't your cup of tea. There are other stories to read. Also trigger warnings for torture, kidnapping, and PTSD. Thank you to 13starbuck42 for beta reading :).

He stared at the door to Olivia's hospital room so intensely he wondered if his eyes would drill holes right through it. He knew he should try and sleep, but he couldn't. He had to protect the woman in his arms at all costs. Though the night had been calm so far with the help of the Lorazepam, PTSD was unpredictable; he had to stay awake so he'd know if she needed him.

"El?" Her voice broke him from his thoughts. "Elliot?"

"Right here." He whispered and stroked her hair to soothe her. "I'm here. What's the matter?"

She shook her head against his shoulder. "I need to go to the bathroom."

"Okay." He loosened his hold on her, but she stayed in his embrace. "Do you want me to go in with you?" He was torn between wanting to give her the privacy she hadn't had since being admitted to the hospital and wanting to stay close to her to ease the anxiety she felt at being alone.

She hesitated before responding. "Will you- I know it makes me sound pathetic, but will you stand outside the door?"

"It's not pathetic at all. I'll do whatever you need me to do to help you feel safe." He held her hand until they reached the bathroom, and he could tell she was reluctant to let go. "I'll stay right here, okay? I won't leave, and I won't let anyone in."

She opened her mouth to say something but shook her head.

"What is it? You can tell me. It's alright."

"I-"

When he looked in her eyes he could tell she was battling a storm in her mind. She didn't want to feel weak, but the thought of being alone behind a closed door, even with Elliot standing right outside, caused her anxiety to spike.

"How about I turn around? I'll step in here with you but turn around so you can have some privacy, and I can keep an eye on the door."

She nodded and he could see relief fill her features. He would give anything to take away all her fear, but he knew all he could do was ease it as much as possible.

Once his back was to her, he squeezed his eyes shut and let a couple of tears fall. He wanted to be strong for her, but his heart was in shreds.

"El?" She asked when he sniffled. "Are you ok?"

He cleared his throat. "I'm ok, Liv. I promise." He wiped his eyes quickly. It wasn't her job to comfort him when she was the one who had been through hell.

"You sound tired."

"I'm alright. I don't want you to worry about me."

"Isn't that what partners do?" Before he could respond he heard her whimper out of pain or fear. Whichever one it was, it caused more tears to threaten to fall.

"El?"

"What's wrong?"

"Will you ask them to give me some pain medicine?"

"Yeah, I will. What hurts?" What kind of question was that? What hurts? As if the answer wasn't obvious. You dumbass. Her insides had been torn repeatedly against her will, and one of the monsters gave her an STI and you're asking her what hurts? Logically, he knew he needed to let the nurse know the source of her pain, but he hated himself for making her voice it out loud.

"It b-burns when I pee."

God, he wanted to tear the bastards that did this to her apart.

"I'm sorry, honey. I'll talk to the nurse, ok?"

"Can you wait until we're back on the bed?" She was scared to be away from him longer than she had to, even if it was just to go back into the room to press the call button while she finished in the bathroom.

"Of course." He wrapped his arm around her after she washed her hands, allowing her to lean against him since she was in pain. She winced as they walked, but he wasn't about to ask her why walking hurt - He knew the answer and it sickened him. "Want me to carry you?"

She wrapped her arms around his neck and nodded. He lifted her with ease and cradled her close to his chest as he walked back to the bed.

"El?"

He would never get tired of hearing his name from her lips. It didn't matter how many times she called for him. After spending a year worrying he'd never hear it again, worrying the next time he saw her would be in the morgue, it was the sweetest sound in the world. He hated when she was scared or in pain, but he loved that he was the one she trusted to tend to her, to comfort her, to make her feel safe. He would never take that for granted.

"Can you make it stop hurting?" She asked when he laid her down, and he swallowed a lump in his throat.

"I'm gonna try." He pressed the call button and laid on the bed beside her, wrapping her in his arms again. He sighed in relief when Madison walked in. There were so many nurses here he didn't trust with Olivia, but he knew he could trust her.

"Everything okay in here?"

Elliot opened his mouth to speak out of instinct but stopped himself. After the hell she'd been through, it was important that Olivia felt in control of her life again, which included being able to express that she was in pain and ask for medicine.

His heart cracked at the shame and embarrassment on her face as she told the nurse what was hurting, and he wondered if he should've been the one to say what was wrong after all, just to spare Olivia from having to say it.

"I wanna go home." Her voice was muffled in the crook of Elliot's neck when it was just them in the room again after Madison had given her some ibuprofen in her IV.

"Soon, sweetheart. I promise." He resisted the urge to kiss her on the forehead, knowing that even though she felt safe right now, a touch she didn't specifically ask for could be terrifying, even if it was meant for comfort. "Are you feeling better?"

She nodded and clutched his shirt in the hand that was laying on his chest.

"I wondered if I'd eventually become numb to the pain, you know? They didn't stop." She shuddered and gripped him tighter to keep herself grounded. "I lost track of how many times they raped me after the first week. It happened so many times that I thought eventually I might be able to block out the pain, b-but it hurt." She sobbed. "It hurt every time, El. Especially when they'd use- when they-" Used objects. Jesus, Stabler, don't make her say it. "I didn't know someone could lose that much blood and survive."

He swallowed the bile rising in his chest. "It's over. It's over. I promise." He tried to soothe her but wished he could do more than just assure her she was safe now. "I've got you. Let it out."

She shook her head. "I can't. I can't talk about it, Elliot. Please don't make me."

"I won't, baby. I won't. We don't have to talk about anything you aren't ready to talk about." It sickened him that she'd probably had to say 'please don't make me' often over the past year. He hated that he was someone she felt like she had to say that to. "I'm sorry, Livia. Shh, I'm sorry. No more talking about it. I promise."

"I wanna go home." She whimpered. "I feel dirty, and I wanna shower, and I don't like it here. It's scary."

If it wouldn't put her health in jeopardy, he would've taken her home hours ago, but he knew that allowing her to be monitored for a couple more days was best, even though her pleas killed him.

"What can I do to make it less scary?"

"Tell them to discharge me early?" If the circumstances were less serious, that comment might've made him chuckle.

"I want to make sure it's safe first, but I promise - the second it's safe for us to go home, we will."

"I feel fine. Why wouldn't it be safe?"

"Olivia," He chose his words carefully. "What you went through was not only psychologically traumatic, but physically. You were dehydrated and deprived of nutrients for a year, among other things. Your body needs time to heal, and right now the best place for your body to heal is at the hospital."

He left out the part about her captors still being out there and how the hospital was more secure than her apartment. She didn't need that reminder. "Do you want me to help you shower here?"

"No, there are too many strangers here."

"I'll protect you. I won't let anyone in. I promise."

"I don't want you to see me, yet."

Oh Liv, how can I convince you that no amount of scars on your body can make you less beautiful in my eyes.

"I won't look. I'll turn around."

"I'm too scared to shower here, El. Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad, honey. I could never be mad at you for that. We can wait till we're home. It's alright. It's alright."

"Promise you're not mad?"

"I promise. Cross my heart." His voice was soft and sincere, and he hoped she felt safety and love when he spoke to her, not fear. He never wanted her to be afraid of him. "Do you wanna try and sleep some more?"

"You'll stay with me?"

"I'll stay with you. The whole night. I swear."

"What if you have to go to the bathroom?"

"I'll wake you up and let you know."

"What if you get tired of holding me?"

"I could never get tired of that. Never."

"What if-"

"Baby, I'm not leaving you. Not unless you ask me to."

"Why would I ask you to leave?"

"I- Liv, I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna stay right here with my arms around you. I won't let go. I won't move, okay?"

She nodded and snuggled into him, fisting into his shirt.

"I love you, El." Her voice was so quiet he barely heard it, a whisper just for him.

He swallowed a lump in his throat, unsure he'd be able to respond without crying.

"I love you too, so very much."

X

She was able to sleep peacefully for a few hours until a nightmare woke her just before sunrise. It took Elliot fifteen minutes to console her, but she was too scared to go back to sleep, and he didn't want to push her. He didn't want to send her back into the clutches of a demon, even if it was one that resided in her mind. He was tempted to tell Cragen, Fin, and John to hold off on visiting her, but she told him she'd be okay as long as he was with her. She wanted to get this over with so she could go home. He assured her that they wouldn't have to take her statement if she wasn't ready; they just wanted to see their friend.

He was worried about her being overwhelmed, though, so he texted Cragen and told him it might be best if it was just him. John and Fin could wait and see her on a different day, maybe once she was back home.

He needed to let Olivia's protective detail know that Cragen was coming by so they knew it was safe to let him in, but that would mean letting go of Olivia and stepping outside of her room, which he knew would frighten her, so he showed Cragen's picture to a nurse and asked them to let the detail know.

When they heard a knock on the door, Olivia snuggled as close as possible to Elliot, burying herself in the shelter his arms provided.

Donald Cragen had cried very few times in his life. Once when his wife was told she couldn't have a baby, then again when she died, and when the woman he considered a daughter went missing. And now, seeing her frail, bruised, and trembling form curled into Elliot's side, he felt tears prick his vision.

He managed to exchange a small smile with Elliot, who looked like he hadn't slept in a week. Hell, none of them had slept since Olivia went missing. None of them would be able to sleep until the animals that had hurt her were behind bars or six feet under.

"Come in, Cap."

The older man sat in a chair near the bed. He didn't trust himself to stay standing. He didn't trust himself to speak without getting choked up, either. His heart clenched as Elliot turned to Olivia, speaking in a soothing tone. "It's alright, honey. It's just Don. You're safe. I'm right here."

Olivia turned to face the Captain but gripped Elliot's shirt like a lifeline. There was uncertainty in her eyes as if she wanted to believe she was really home and the only faces she'd see now were of those that loved her instead of those that would hurt her, but she was scared to trust that.

The small sob that ripped from her chest broke his heart, and he wondered how many times Elliot's heart had broken since he found her.

"It's alright. I'm not gonna hurt you." He doubted he would be as good at comforting her as her partner was, but he would try. "You're home now. We're gonna make sure no one hurts you ever again."

"Don?"

He nodded, fighting back tears."It's just me. Like El said."

Her muscles visibly relaxed in relief.

"It's so good to see you again, Olivia." He was tempted to ask for a hug, because he was so damn thankful this woman was alive after a year of fearing the next time they saw her would be the morgue, but he sensed there was a reason she hadn't moved from Elliot's arms. He didn't want to frighten her by making her lose contact with the one person who was keeping her calm, making her feel safe, even if the loss in contact would only last a few seconds.

When she turned her face back into Elliot's neck and wept, he feared he'd frightened her anyway. He was flooded with guilt and concern and remained silent as Elliot cooed to her.

"Shh, it's alright. It's alright. I've got you. It's alright now."

"I-I-"

"What is it, sweetheart? What's the matter? You can tell me. I'll fix it."

Cragen felt like he was intruding on a private moment watching his two Detectives. One of them breaking in the arms of the other, willing to do anything to put all the broken pieces back together. Their bond, their steadfast love for each other, was evident from day one, and not even a year apart had shattered it.

Elliot continued speaking to her in a soothing tone. He whispered words of comfort, reassured her she was safe, and asked her if something was hurting. This man would move Heaven and Earth for this woman, and it had never been more clear than in this moment that if Olivia's body had been found, they'd have had to dig two graves because Elliot wouldn't have survived that discovery.

"I thought I was never gonna see you guys again. I thought I'd never escape. Never get to come home." She managed to speak between hiccups and both men realized her cries hadn't been from fear.

They'd been from relief.

Relief that she wasn't in that dark, cold basement in Oregon anymore; she was back in New York.

Relief that after a year of hell she was back in Elliot Stabler's arms, and she could stay there; she wasn't gonna be ripped away.

Relief that she had control over who touched her now; even though he was holding her, Elliot hadn't kissed her forehead without asking her if it was okay first.

Relief that even though she was terrified because her captors were still out there, and even though she was wary of strangers, the only people in the room right now besides her were Elliot and her Captain.

Two people she knew loved her and would do anything to protect her. They wouldn't hurt her, they wouldn't violate her, and they'd make sure those that did never saw the light of day again.

They were silent for a moment, both choking back tears of their own.

"But you did. You're home now. You don't have to worry about that anymore. You survived. You lean on us now. This squad is a family. You lean on us. We'll help you through the rest. It's what families do." Cragen's fatherly tone, combined with the comfort of Elliot's embrace filled her with warmth in places she thought had been permanently frozen.

They knew this didn't mean the pain was over. Healing would take a long time and there would be good days and bad, but they were beyond thankful she was alive, that she was home, and she wouldn't have to suffer alone anymore.

She managed a small, tearful smile before snuggling into Elliot again.

She was home. No matter what happened next. She was finally home.