A/N: Trigger warning: Due to the plot of this story, it goes to darker places than my other stories. I know that some are uncomfortable reading fics where Olivia has been raped. I don't expect anyone to read this, especially if it is triggering. Please proceed with caution, and don't feel bad if this isn't your cup of tea. There are other stories to read. Also trigger warnings for torture, kidnapping, and PTSD. Thank you to 13starbuck42 for beta reading :).

"Don?" She sniffled as she addressed their Captain. "I know you'll probably have to ask some questions, but-" Her grip on Elliot's shirt tightened as if she was worried he'd disappear.

"Only if you're ready, Olivia. You control how this goes." He fought the temptation to rest his hand on her knee in a comforting gesture. Right now, it was clear that Elliot was the only person she felt safe being touched by, and he would respect that.

"I want- I want them to be caught, but I don't think I can get through this conversation without Elliot." The two men exchanged pained glances as Cragen realized just how much damage had been done to her. Even with Elliot holding her, she was scared she wasn't really safe; that at any moment this would all have been a hallucination and she'd be stripped of safety.

"I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart." Elliot soothed. "Cap doesn't need me to leave, do you?" He gave the older man a look that said "I know you wouldn't do that to her, but even if you wanted to try you'd have to use a crowbar to get me to let go."

"No I don't." He spoke firmly. "I want you to feel safe, Liv. Just like Elliot does."

She nodded against Elliot's shoulder, burrowing further into his arms. He stroked her hair lovingly, hoping the ministrations were making her feel calm and safe, keeping her in the present. He knew that it would likely be easier for her and Cragen to talk if she was sitting up a little, which would require some adjusting, but she was using the crook of his neck as shelter for her head, and he was hesitant to move her. He didn't want her to feel like she was being forced from her safe place. He approached the subject cautiously.

"Livia, is it ok if we sit up a little? I won't let go of you. I'll keep my arms around your waist, and you can lean back against my chest. Would that be ok?"

"You won't let go?"

"I won't let go. I promise." He cupped her cheek gently, stroking her skin with his thumb. "I won't let go, and we can lay back down again if you don't feel comfortable."

He pressed the button on the remote next to the bed so they could sit up and lifted her so she was in his lap, leaning against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist, tight enough that she felt secure but loose enough that she wouldn't feel trapped.

The new position allowed Cragen to see her face for the first time in a year, and he would never get over the haunted look in her eyes.

"Is this ok?" Elliot lifted his hand, offering it to her so she could squeeze when she got scared and needed something to ground her. She nodded and interlaced her fingers with his.

"Did-" She squeezed Elliot's hand and swallowed hard. "Did you find-"

"We found the car, yes." Cragen responded. "The car was flipped on its side and the windows were shattered."

"I climbed out the window. They were unconscious, and I was terrified they'd wake up, but I- I climbed out and I ran."

The mental image of the love of his life, scared and bleeding, having to crawl out of a wrecked car window made a lump form in Elliot's throat. His thumb stroked the back of her hand.

"You told Elliot there were four men in the car, correct?"

"Yes." Her anxiety pricked at her, and she wondered if he was about to tell her one of them had escaped. The hesitant look the Captain gave her did nothing to calm her nerves.

"Don-" Elliot cut in as his own anxiety spiked. "Were all four of them in the car?" Please let us be able to put her mind at ease about this one thing.

"Yes. Two of them are in critical condition-"

"At this hospital?" Elliot's eyes widened. "Did they bring them to this hospital?" He felt Olivia tremble in his arms, too frightened to speak.

"No, they're at Bellevue."

"Shh, it's alright." He whispered comfortingly in Olivia's ear. "It's alright. They're not here, honey. You're safe. I got you." Her muscles remained tense despite the reassurance, but her shaking slowed. "Do you need a break?"

"No. I can do this."

"Ok." Elliot nodded in Cragen's direction, letting him know it was safe to continue.

"The driver of the car is in stable condition at Bellevue, but is refusing to speak without his lawyer."

"They're still arresting him, right?" Olivia was beyond thankful that Elliot was asking the questions she was scared to ask. He was her rock, her fiercest advocate, and protector.

"He's being questioned, but it would be helpful if Olivia were able to ID them."

"You want her to come in for a lineup? Don, she's so traumatized. I'm not sure-" I'm not sure I can let go of her long enough to send her into a dark room without me and see the monsters that put her through hell for a year, even if it's just through the glass. "It's too soon."

"I-" She squeezed Elliot's hand tighter as she spoke. "I'll do it. If I have to."

Elliot shook his head.

"Liv, they won't let me go in with you. You know how this goes. It would just be you and Casey and the bastard's lawyer. I can't put you through that." Please God, let me protect her from this one thing. Let there be something else we can use to get these guys. I know we've conducted lineups with traumatized victims before but this is Olivia. I can't do this to her.

"Casey is my friend, El." Both men knew what she was doing. She was afraid of appearing weak in front of her superior.

"Olivia, I think maybe Elliot is right."

"Don-"

"But it's ultimately up to you, and whatever you decide we'll both support. There's no reason to push yourself or put on a brave face for us. You have every right to be afraid. You went through something horrific, and neither of us would think you were weak for saying no."

"It's- it's only the one guy, right?"

"Baby-" Please stop pushing yourself and let me be overprotective. "You were worried about giving your statement without me in the room. I'm just- I'm worried a lineup would be too much right now. Even if it's only one of them. Do you really feel like you're up for that? I'll take you if you are, but if not that's okay too. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

He could see her battling a storm in her mind and after a moment she dissolved into sobs, clinging to him tightly and burying her face in his neck again.

"I can't- I- I-"

"Shh, you don't have to. You don't have to. It's alright." He cooed, rocking her back and forth and whispering in her ear. "Shhh." He held her as she shook and cried against him for a few minutes. Cragen watched helplessly, wishing he'd never brought any of it up.

"I thought I could, but-" She spoke again once her sobs had turned to hiccups. "Th-they'll come after me, and if you're not with me then- then I'm not safe." Another terrified sob ripped from her chest.

"They're never gonna hurt you again, Olivia. Our squad will make sure of it." Cragen cut in gently. "None of us are going to let them touch you again." Every one of the officers at the 1-6 would die to protect her; they were a family and had been from day one.

He knew though, that Elliot's protection was the one she needed the most right now. Since their first year as partners they shared a bond like no other. The love they had for one another was obvious from the beginning. No one could read Olivia like Elliot could, and vice versa. No one could calm the storms in their mind like each other. Their souls were intertwined, whether they were in the same room, or on opposite ends of the country for a year.

Nothing could separate them, and Cragen had never dared to, even after being told they were too close.

That's why he didn't say anything when, instead of looking at him and responding, Olivia tightened her grip on Elliot and hid her face in his neck. He sat and watched the skilled hands Olivia trusted more than any others in the world caress her back in soothing circles and cradle her aching head against his shoulder. The strong arms that could throw perps against walls were the only arms she trusted to hold her rather than restrain her. The voice that could be loud and threatening towards the monsters they put away was softly murmuring reassurances and love into her ear as he rocked her.

He was her safe place.

Sure, the others would protect her too, but Elliot was her home, her shelter. His presence meant safety to her, and being without him for a year made her feel like she was trapped in a never-ending rainstorm with no umbrella.

"I don't wanna go." She whimpered. "I don't want them to find me."

"We're not gonna go, honey. I'll make sure you don't have to see them again. I promise." If Elliot got his hands on any of them they wouldn't be alive for a trial.

"Elliot's right, Liv. We can try a photo lineup later instead." It would likely still be scary, but at least she'd have Elliot with her. She nodded and relaxed against Elliot's chest.

After a few moments of silence, concern filled Elliot's features again. "Don-" He swallowed hard. "You only told us about three men. What happened to the fourth?" Olivia's breathing hitched.

"He's dead."

Elliot refrained from snapping at the Captain for not telling them that earlier.

"He was sitting in the back with no seatbelt, and his pants unzipped." He hesitated before continuing.

"What else?"

"CSU swabbed for DNA. They found saliva on his-" Nearly two decades in SVU didn't give him the stomach to finish his sentence. "It matched the sample in Olivia's rape kit."

"Son of a bitch is lucky he's dead." Elliot's growl was murderous. Olivia was frozen against him. "Cap, I think maybe we should-" -wait and talk about this later so the woman I love doesn't have to relive her trauma more than she already has.

"He-" They were cut off by her voice. "H-he made me, Elliot. I didn't want to. It was disgusting."

Oh sweetheart, you can't possibly think I would even consider thinking you wanted that. "Shh, I know Livia. I know. I'm so sorry."

"He g-grabbed my head and shoved me down and- and forced me t-to- '' She shuddered and tightened her grip on Elliot. "He said it was a long car ride, and that I had to entertain him, and if I didn't-" A sob cut off her words.

"Shh, he's dead, baby. He can't hurt you anymore. It's all over."

"I had to swallow and i-it made me sick, El. I wanted to throw up, but I was scared they'd get angry, s-so I- tried to swallow. I tried not to get sick, but t-then I did once I was in your car." She had thrown up in a plastic bag he'd given her, and he thought it was because of her headache. "I'm sorry I made a mess."

Elliot wanted to bring that monster back to life so he could kill him again himself.

"You don't need to apologize for anything, Liv. Of course it made you sick. I would've gotten sick too."

"Anyone would've." Cragen added supportively.

"B-but I made a mess and didn't clean it up and now I'm getting your shirt wet too from crying so much."

"Liv, I don't care about the car or the shirt. I care about you." Elliot tightened his arms around her as she snuggled into him and sniffled. His own voice cracked as he spoke. "Why don't we take a break and just rest for a little bit ok?" He gave Cragen a look as if to say he didn't think she could take anymore today.

The older man nodded. "We can save the photo lineup for a different day. You don't have to talk about it anymore today."

"I need the taste out. Please make it go away." Her words were muffled against Elliot's shoulder, but both of them heard and their blood ran cold.

Cragen picked up the trashcan and placed it near the bed. "Do you need to throw up again?"

She shook her head, and Elliot desperately tried to think of something to do to help her. "Do you want some water?" The only response was another sob that gutted both Elliot and the Captain's hearts. "Tell us what to do, Livia. Tell us what you need. It's ok."

"Make it go away." She whimpered.

Elliot looked at Cragen helplessly. "Do you want to brush your teeth, Olivia? Would that help?" He tried.

"I won't get in trouble?" If Elliot wanted to kill these bastards, Cragen wasn't planning on stopping him.

"No, honey. You won't. I promise." She nodded and Cragen stood up. "I'll go ask the nurses for some toothpaste and a toothbrush, ok?"

"T-thank you."

"You don't need to thank us." Elliot replied tenderly. "We're here because we love you."

Cragen came back into the room a couple of minutes later and handed her a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste.

"Do you want to do this by yourself, or do you want me to go in with you?" Elliot asked.

"Need you." She mumbled against his shoulder. "Don't wanna be alone."

There were no guarantees that Elliot's presence would prevent the memories from assaulting her. PTSD was unpredictable, but having him next to her still sounded better than him being in the other room.

"Okay."

Cragen watched as Olivia clutched Elliot's hand as if it was her lifeline as they walked to the bathroom.

X

Elliot stood guard by the door as Olivia vigorously cleansed her mouth of the demon that resided there. He didn't question it when she continued applying toothpaste even after she had rinsed. He was patient and helped her squeeze out more onto the brush when her hands shook too much to do so.

He would stand there with her as long as she needed him to. Hell, if she wanted to use the whole damn tube, if that's what it took to help her through this current bout of terror, he'd stand there until she used it up. Then, he'd get her more toothpaste until she felt better.

After six brush-rinse cycles, she put the items she'd been using down and walked back over to Elliot, burying herself in his arms again.

"All better?"

She nodded against his chest.

"I'm glad." He held her for a minute, swaying from side to side soothingly. "Ready to go back to bed now?"

"I think so."

"You sure? If you need to stay in here longer, that's okay." She shook her head and he could tell she was exhausted. The emotions of the day were weighing on her heavily.

"Ok sweetie. Let's try and get some sleep."

"You'll stay with me?"

"I'll stay with you." He reassured her, holding her hand as they walked back into the room. "I'm gonna step into the hallway and talk to Cragen for just a sec before he leaves though, okay? It won't take long. I'll just be right outside and then I'll come back."

It took a couple of minutes and more reassurances, but she reluctantly let go of his hand as he tucked her back into the bed. He smoothed her hair back from her forehead. "I'll be right back. We'll stand by the door so you can still see me, okay? Just like I promised."

"Okay."

X

"I want their names." Elliot growled. "I wanna know what their names are when I kill them."

"Son-"

"Don, they- it's Liv. They hurt my Liv." He spoke as if hurting his partner was the most damning of sins because to him, it was. He wanted them to burn in hell for all eternity, and anything that came after that.

"And she needs you right now, with her. Not in a jail cell."

"I know." He sniffled, glancing at the door, suddenly wondering if leaving her room was a bad idea. "Did they have IDs on them?"

"Elliot." He spoke in a warning tone.

"I'm not gonna do anything." Yet.

"We're gonna see if we can get DNA samples to compare in case the IDs are fake, but yes."

"And?"

"Scott Parsons is the dead guy. The one that-"

"Raped her in the car. Here in New York. She was in this city, and I was eating a fucking sandwich instead of looking for her." If he wasn't worried about frightening Olivia, he'd punch the door or a wall right now.

"It's not your fault, Elliot."

"If I'd have found her sooner-"

"Even if she'd been spared from the most recent attack, she still went through a year of hell. You can't blame yourself."

"Don, have you ever seen her this terrified? Because I haven't. I haven't, and it's killing me." His voice broke.

"It's killing me too, and the level of terror she's experiencing right now is exactly why she needs you here. Not being charged with murdering these bastards, and not off somewhere beating yourself up."

He sighed."I know, I just-"

"You love her, and seeing a loved one in pain is heartbreaking. You're not on this case for a reason, son. Take care of our girl and yourself. We'll handle the monsters who caused this." He nodded. "We'll let you know once we have their names, and keep you updated.

"Thank you."

"El?" They heard her call out softly.

"I gotta get back in there."

Cragen nodded. "Elliot? Remember to take care of yourself, too." He'd said it earlier, but was repeating it to make sure his detective heard him. "You're no good to the woman you love if you aren't sleeping or eating. You have to stay healthy so you can be what she needs."

"I know."

"Elliot!?" Her voice was louder that time, with a touch of panic. "El!?"

"I need to go." He opened the door and stepped into the room. "Baby, I'm here!"

"Keep her safe."

"Always. Make sure these bastards fry."

"We will."

Cragen watched as Elliot rushed to Olivia's bedside, wrapping her back up in his arms. Telling her over and over that he was here, and she was safe, like he had earlier. She clung to him tightly, relaxing in his embrace.

Because he was her lifeline, and she was his.

A/N: Thanks for reading!