Chapter 4

Rose

That night I slept uneasy, but when I did sleep, it wasn't my own dreams I ended up in. I looked around and saw the garden I recognized as Adrian's grandmother's garden. Adrian was standing somewhere between the roses. Normally I would have made a comment about that, but not today.

When he saw me he had a small smile on his face, but it didn't reach his eyes. Eyes that had been crying by the looks of it.

I didn't hesitate. I ran towards him and hugged him. "I am so sorry." I said to him, he just held me, burying his head in my neck. He took a few breaths before he pulled back, but he kept me close.

"Why are you sorry? You didn't kill her." I almost laughed. Because, apparently I had been suspect number one. It had been my stake Tatiana was killed with. Lissa had informed me of it as soon as she heard.

"If I had taken better care of my stake, if I had checked to see if my room was locked, maybe, maybe…"

"She would have been killed with a different weapon, Rose. I am just glad that whoever wanted to drag into this mess was unsuccessful. At least this mission is good for something."

The latter part sounded a bit bitter, but I couldn't really blame him. I had broken up with him in the same night as his aunt had been murdered.

"How are you holding up?" I asked as I sat down on one of the benches. Adrian sat down next to me, but he kept a hold of my hand, even if he released the rest of me.

He simply shrugged, but the dark circles under his eyes told me all I needed to know.

"What will happen next?" I had only ever known Tatiana on the throne. I had no idea what would happen now? I don't think a monarch has been murdered in a very long time.

Adrian leaned back, staring up at the sky. "They will hold an election. The Moroi need a leader. The funeral is in a couple days and after that candidates can put their name up for Monarch."

"All Royal families are putting someone up?" He nodded. "Well all but one. and the Ivashkovs can't put a name up, so two." He replied.

I had to bite my lip. Lissa didn't have a quorum to be on the council, so I assume she didn't have a quorum to run for Queen. Not that she wanted to. But she wouldn't even get to vote for whoever ran. Which was wrong. I had seen with the age law how close the vote was. Lissa's vote could sway the council to a more progressive candidate and lack of her vote could mean decades of a conservative monarch who had been in favor of the more drastic measures Tatiana was talking about.

I wanted to tell Adrian about Tatiana's note, that among other things, I would be trying to find Lissa's sibling. Which had just gotten a little more pressing. But he already had too much on his mind. Besides, I don't think he could help anyway.

"We could really use you back here at Court Rose. We have a killer to track and seeing as someone had wanted to frame you, I thought maybe you would want to find out who did it just as much as I did."

Oh, I did want to find out who had killed Tatiana and who had wanted to frame me. But I could do little about that from here. Tatiana had given me an assignment, two actually and I would do them.

"You know I can't, Adrian."

He got up from the bench and threw his hands up in the air. "Why is this suddenly so important? More important than your friends."

"It isn't more important than my friends and I have always put my job first. Just, up until now, the two were one and the same."

He crossed his arms over his chest. "You had been willing to give it up for him."

It took me a moment to understand who he was talking about. Because there had been no one I would give up being a Guardian for. Until, I realized he meant Dimitri. I had risked my job to hunt Dimitri as a Strigoi, but for me that was part of my duty even if it wasn't part of my job. But that wasn't what he was talking about.

"No, I hadn't. Which is why us being together had been so hard."

He looked a little chastised by that. "So, how would you have been together, because apparently, being in a relationship and being a Guardian is impossible."

There was that bitterness again. I let him be bitter. He needed to figure out himself how to let me go. All I could do was be here for him, and let him know, he wasn't less than Dimitri. He thought I had been willing to give everything up for Dimitri and not for him. But that wasn't true. With Dimitri, I had been just a bit more torn.

I smiled softly and looked down at my hands. "We wouldn't have been, not at first. That has always been the problem with us. From the moment we had known how the other one felt, we knew we couldn't be together."

I looked up and into Adrian's eyes. Something in mine startled him, because he took a step back and his gaze became a bit softer. Maybe it was the tears I felt just underneath the surface but refused to let them out.

"Him being my mentor and the age difference was a problem, sure. But those would go away with time. What wouldn't go away was that we were both Lissa's guardians. We couldn't be together and be her Guardians. It would put her at risk. She needed people completely devoted to her, people who wouldn't hesitate to throw their lives and the lives of her other Guardians away if it meant saving her."

I had never told Adrian exactly why Dimitri and I were such star-crossed lovers. And him being Moroi, I don't think he had ever thought of the implications of two Guardians together.

"We would always be on opposite shifts, so we couldn't actually be together. So we put everything we felt far far away, hoping it would fade." I nearly chuckled at my words. Fade. I never thought our love could fade. We had wanted it to back then, but it seemed impossible. and now? Now it was reality for one of us.

"We fought it for so long. And when we finally realized this wouldn't go away, that it was too strong to fight, he died."

Adrian kneeled in front of me, he wiped a tear away that I hadn't noticed fell. "Dimitri would have tried to find a different charge, trying to stay close to Court. So on our off days, we could be together. But giving up our jobs was never part of the discussion. Because it wasn't just a job to us, it was who we were."

All anger in Adrian seemed to have gone. He was in front of me, holding my hands. I think he was starting to realize he never stood a chance with me, and I was starting to realize the same. Because no matter how much I hated Dimitri right now, Dimitri had understood me in a way Adrian hadn't.

"I won't ask you to give up your assignment, but under the circumstances I think the Council will revoke the assignment if you ask. We could really use you Rose." He smirked at me. "You tend to find trouble wherever you go, but you also get out of it. We need some of that Rose magic right now."

I laughed. I actually did want to go back to Court. So that I could hug Adrian in real life. And if I was really honest with myself, to get away from Dimitri. But I couldn't.

"I know if you asked, they probably would. But this isn't just about hunting Strigoi… Tatiana gave me a sort of side mission, and I need to see that through. Certainly now that she is gone."

Adrian looked at me confused. "What did she ask you?"

I shook my head. "If I find out anything, I will let you know, but right now, I think it is best if you focus on finding whoever killed Tatiana."

He didn't seem pleased by that, but he let it go. He stood up and I knew we were nearing the end of the spirit dream. I wonder if there was a time limit on it.

"Okay, little dhampir. I'll trust you." He hugged me again and it felt nice. I think I was starting to accept that Adrian and I wouldn't work romantically but I still loved him, I still wanted to be his friend and in his life. When he pulled back he lingered near my face and placed a small and featherlite kiss on my lips as the spirit dream ended.

Dimitri

We were all quiet at breakfast. Rose had informed us of the Queen's death yesterday and it had put a damper on our plans to scout. Nobody knew what to say. I hadn't been the biggest fan of Tatiana, but nobody could argue she hadn't been a good Queen. I had met her a handful of times and she was always fair. She had personally handed me Lissa's assignment. Something I would forever be grateful for.

And now she was just gone. Murdered. The Moroi didn't need more turmoil. It was already a powder keg and it just needed a spark to set things off. I regretted not being more in the loop back at Court. I had been… before. But I doubt many of my guardian contacts would talk to me now.

"How is Adrian?" Mia asked. I cringed a little when I heard his name. I didn't really know why. Adrian had always bugged me. But that was when he was pursuing Rose while Rose and I…. were what exactly? We hadn't been together then either. Rose and I had never actually been together. A couple hours, that is all the universe had allowed us.

Now, I heard he was dating Rose. I was glad she had found someone. Adrian would treat her right. But still, his name enraged me for some reason.

"He is alright. He is mostly busy trying to figure out who killed her." As I imagine all of Court was.

Mia nodded. "I heard a rumor that they thought it was you."

Rose chuckled. I didn't think it was funny. If they had actually arrested her and found her guilty they would have executed her. And again there was that rage. Just the thought of Rose locked up in the same cell as me gave me chills down my spine. Maybe my sense of justice was coming back.

I knew she could never kill Tatiana. I know she and the late Queen really didn't get along. They hadn't been when I was at the Academy and I doubt this had improved once she started to date Adrian. But no matter what, I know Rose wouldn't have killed her. She wouldn't have been that stupid, nor would she have hurt Adrian like that.

"Now, where did you hear that?" Rose sounded almost impressed.

Mia just raised her phone to Rose. "I have Guardian contacts all over Court. They are a pretty good source of gossip."

Rose laughed. "You can take the back-stabbing-rumor-spreading bitch out of high-school, but…" Mia just laughed. Those two did get far from who they had been in high school. I barely recognized Mia. She was all grown up. Her hair wasn't in those ridiculous ringlets anymore, she put on some muscle and she had a determination she hadn't had before. And Rose...

"Why would they think it was you?" I asked. I knew Rose being with Adrian was turning some heads, but I don't think that was enough to convict her.

I could see Mikhail and Mia snort in unison. I rolled my eyes. Okay, she had been rather vocal about not liking Tatiana. but still that wasn't hard evidence.

"Apperently, the murder weapon was my stake, with my finger prints on them." She said like she wasn't just framed for murder and high treason. She sounded like someone had found her history textbook in the loss-and-found.

"All, court-issued stakes are identical." I reminded her. Her finger prints on it would be the only real lead, and even that was circumstantial.

"This one wasn't court-issued. It had geometrical patterns. You know the one." I could see she hadn't considered her words, because the moment she did, she seemed to realize exactly where I had seen that stake.

In my heart.

And then I had mailed it to her with a death threat.

We stared at each other for a moment. Neither one of us knew what to say. Rose's eyes darkened. I knew those memories still hunted her. Luckily Mia came to our rescue.

"So someone is trying to frame you?"

Rose just shrugged. "I might have framed me too. I mean, I did call her a bitch and tell her she would regret it in front of like five hundred people. I was the perfect scape-goat."

Rose uncrossed her legs, leaned forward in her chair and pointed at all of us. "But luckily I was stuck with you lot. Perfect alibi." She stood up, took the last bit of her water and placed the glass back on the table. "Speaking off, we need to get to work."

She was looking at me. Right, I was here to provide information.

"There are three locations around here. I will find out which one's are lightly staffed right now. then we can head out and scout."

I picked my phone from my pocket. I walked towards Mikhail's and my bedroom. I pressed the number I knew by heart. No matter how much I wanted to forget those months I spent as a Strigoi, every event, every detail was etched in my mind. I wonder if Strigoi had superior memory too. Because I remembered everything.

I took a deep breath, stealing myself for what was to come. It took a few moments but someone picked up on the other end of the phone.

I didn't waste time with pleasantries or greetings, he wouldn't have. "You think you can slack off just because I was away?" I said in Russian.

I nearly flinched at my tone. It was too easy to slip back into him. Because he was still part of me. But I had to do this, we needed the information.

He was groveling on the other side of the phone. I knew I inspired fear as a Strigoi even to other Strigoi, but only now did I realize how much. I had been very powerful for such a young Strigoi and I knew that part that made me powerful was still in me. I was channeling that right now.

"Quiet. I need information." I told him what I wanted and he blabbered all the details I needed to know. When he asked where I had been, I knew I had to stay as vague as possible. " I am off the grid for a reason now. Let everyone know I will be back shortly. So they better be prepared when I come."

With a final growl and threat I hung up the phone.

When I turned around I saw Rose standing in the doorway. The look in her eyes nearly brought me to my knees. Her eyes were wide. I could see myself reflected in the deep dark puddles. She was afraid. I had sounded like him. I had been him. What horrible memories was she reliving right now? The part where I fed from her? Or the part where I was angry she had been bested by Nathan and his human? Or any one of the other horrible things I had done to her and to others in her presence. I was grateful she at least didn't understand Russian enough to know what I said to him. She didn't need that image in her head either.

I turned away from her slightly, not meeting her eyes anymore. I busied myself with putting the phone away. Something that took a remarkable long time.

"Are you okay?" She asked me. " I know that couldn't have been easy for you."

She was asking if I was okay? Gods, I didn't deserve her. She was too pure a person. How could she look at me with compassion knowing what I had done? What I had done to her.

I wanted her to be right. I wanted to believe her when she said that the Strigoi was gone. But I knew it was a lie, case in point being the conversation I just had on the phone. She would find out eventually how much I was still like him, and she would walk away.

"I have the information."

Her eyes narrowed the slightest bit. I didn't exactly answer her question. I felt a little bit uncomfortable, like she was scolding me. And I realize exactly how ironic this was. Rose was the leader now, I had to answer to her. Had she felt like this under my gaze too? Scrutinized?

She had matured quite the bit. She had been through a lot in the last six months and somehow she had grown up in that time. She had taken her hardship and came out stronger. I should feel pride, but all I felt was shame. I had been the source of that hardship and I couldn't rise up and do the same. I hadn't come out stronger. I had come out broken. She was better than me.

"The first location is thirty minutes away and there should be three Strigoi present there. I think that is a good place to start."

She nodded. "Show me."

Together we walked back towards the map on the table and I pointed to the location my contact had given me. I had never been to this one myself, but I knew it was a money laundering operation.

Rose studied the map and us. I could see the gears in her head working. Which one of us would go out scouting and who would stay back. It was clear Mia would stay here during the day as much as possible and that one of us would stay with her.

"Dimitri and Mikhail, I want you to do some recon. look for exit points we need to block and confirm there are indeed three Strigoi and not more. Mia and I will stay here. I have some ...other things I need to take care of."

Her eyes met mine briefly. I imagine it had something to do with finding Lissa's sibling. Or maybe she needed to do her daily report to Hans.

I never minded the reports, they were part of the job. Also, I usually asked someone else to write it. But I knew Rose found something like that boring. But it wasn't a skill that was taught at the Academy, yet she needed to learn. Because in the end Guardians followed orders.

"I want you back in two hours, I want to attack them before sunset. It will give us an exit strategy if we are in over our head."

We both nodded. Mikhail and I got our jackets and were on our way. Unfortunately they were Guardian-issued. I would kill for a duster right now. I felt rather naked without it really. But it hadn't made it back from the battle with the Guardians.

I got in the car behind the wheel, Mikhail in the front seat. He didn't talk to me. I wondered how he knew Rose. His name was vaguely familiar, but I know I never met the man.

With still ten minutes of our drive left, I finally asked him. Anything to break the silence.

"So, how did you and Rose meet?" I was trying to sound neutral, but I realized there might have been a tiny bit of judgment in it. Mikhail's eyes narrowed and I knew he picked up on it too. But I couldn't help it. He was older than me. late-twenties, early thirties probably. What business did he have with an eighteen year old.

"I was working in the archives, when I caught Rose stealing a folder." Mikhail was smiling. He thought it was funny. Rose has too many people in her life that indulge her more criminal tendencies. And now Hans had even suggested he would tolerate it. I was glad Hans was seeing how much potential she had, but maybe condoning theft wasn't really helping.

"She begged me not to turn her in. When she found out who I was, she convinced me to help her. She told me that she was searching for a way to bring Strigoi back."

I frowned. So someone Mikhail knew was turned? "And you believed her?"

He snorted. "Of course not. It was a ludicrous idea. I knew Rose was young and was too naive to know fact from fiction… and yet. What if it was true? "

He stared at the ceiling, he was fighting a rather large frog in his throat. Mikhail Tanner, Tanner. I knew that name.

"Sonya Karp." I whispered. It wasn't so much a question as it was a statement. I saw Mikhail tilt his head towards me and the look in his eyes told me everything I needed to know. Those two words, that single name, told me who he was and why he helped Rose. I remember now. Guardian Tanner had been gone from the Academy once I arrived, but his name had been in the reports.

"She took an old file I still don't know what was in it, and she won't tell me. I let her pass and smuggled her and her friends out of Court when she asked. It wouldn't look stellar on my records, but my records were damaged anyway. She was willing to risk everything for a whisper. The least I could do was help. And she did. A couple of days later she told me the way to restore a Strigoi."

He had lost his lover. Just like Rose had. It was why he had helped her. He thought they were the same.

"Of course, it wasn't so simple. She told me a spirit user with a spirit charmed stake had to stake a Strigoi. We both gave up after that. Because I knew she would never risk the Princess or her other Spirit friend in such a way and neither would I. Funny thing is Sonya was actually a spirit user. I really couldn't deny the irony in that one."

Lissa had risked her life to restore me. She and Christian had worked together to incapacitate me so she could stake me. I am grateful to her that she saved me, but Rose was right. She should have never been there to try. But well, I suppose that was my fault too.

We stayed silent for the rest of the way towards the location. Mikhail was an experienced Guardian and we silently moved together towards the building. Most of the windows were dressed with thick black-out curtains. Always a good sign when looking for Strigoi.

We had been provided with extensive reconnaissance gear and we took turns looking through the large binoculars. The building was in a large field with no other building around for a couple of yards. That would be good for noise and for escape. We had a clear visual and there wasn't a chance more Strigoi would come in from neighboring buildings without our knowledge. We would have to find out what Mia's range with her magic was. Because maybe she could use the top of a nearby building as her vantage point. It would keep her far away from any battle.

We took pictures to show Rose and to formulate a plan. We scanned the building with heat-sensing cameras. Although Strigoi weren't nearly as warm as humans, dhampir or Moroi, they did differentiate a little from their surroundings, even more so if they just fed. So we were able to confirm three Strigoi.

Once we had all the information we thought we needed, we headed back to the car. I had parked a couple of blocks away, just in case there was a scout. We were almost at the car when Mikhail spoke again.

"You're an idiot, you know."

I turned around, my scowl firm on my face. "Excuse me?"

"With Rose. You're an idiot for letting her go like that."

I clenched my fists. Even if I did know that, he had no right to speak to me like that.

"You don't know what you are talking about."

I started to walk away again. But he just kept following me. Of course, we did come here in the same car. "Actually, I do. I am probably one of the few that does. You are convinced she hates you, but she doesn't. If it had been Sonya who had been restored, I would forgive her everything. And Sonya chose to become Strigoi."

There was that rage again. I tried very hard to remember if I had had this rage before I turned or if this was new. I tried to keep it in check, but Mikhail wasn't making this very easy. Because he had no idea. Sonya might have chosen to turn and it was forced on me. But Sonya hadn't been the major player I had been. Sonya had been a Strigoi for three years now and not even a ripple about her in our network. Whereas me, well.

I walked faster.

"Why don't you just talk to her, then you know I am right."

That's it. I turned around and Mikhail nearly walked into me. My eyes darkened, a scowl firmly placed above them and I towered over Mikhail. Usually I was careful how I used my height. I can be intimidating without realizing it. But right now, I did it on purpose. Mikhail took a step back.

"Did Sonya torture you?" He seemed confused for a moment. "Did Sonya feed from you, turn you into her personal blood whore to keep you weak, so she could turn you? Did Sonya hunt you down and imagine killing you every minute of the day? Did Sonya imagine breaking your neck like a little twig, your body lifeless in her hands."

His eyes widened a bit in realization that I had done all those things to Rose. I doubt Rose had told him what happened in Russia. I wondered if she told anyone. No, she and Mikhail were not the same. He had never seen Sonya as a Strigoi. Rose had lived this nightmare with me, she was part of why it had been such a nightmare.

"Yeah, I didn't think so." There can be no forgiveness for me. Ever. Not from her.