"Are you staying for Christmas?" Hermione asked after a while. Draco stopped writing at once and glanced at her. Why did she keep talking to him? He was sure that she didn't like him at all, he had always done everything for her not to feel any sympathy for him. Was she just doing this thinking that he would stop annoying her and her friends if she was nice to him? Still, he was a bit taken aback and that day, he was way too weary to fight about anything. His brain was refusing to find an insult; it didn't want to work properly at the moment.
"I-I," he first managed to say before he cleared his throat, "Yeah," he said reluctantly, still wondering why she was asking. Hermione could clearly tell that he was annoyed. Well, she wasn't exactly sure if he was annoyed about staying there for the holidays or if it was because she was talking to him.
"You don't want to?" She asked, trying to engage in a conversation, even if he had made clear that he wasn't going to give her more information besides his "yeah". It's not that she wanted to be friend with him, he was a horrible and rude little prat, but it wasn't shuting down her curiosity. She had managed to have a... "civilized conversation" with him before in this very same place, why wouldn't they have another one?
"I'd rather be home than surrounded by you three, if you catch my drift," Draco said coldly. That's when he realized that not only he couldn't go home, but that he really was stuck in the castle with the three students he hated the most. He had just said that for Hermione to back off but it suddenly hit him that it was real. There wouldn't even be Crabbe, Goyle or Pansy with him to annoy the younger kids that would stay. Plus, lately, Potter and Weasel had this stupid habit of appearing in his way from who knew where to startle him. He didn't know how they were doing that, but it was starting to piss him off. He'd really rather be home alone than having those two around during three entire weeks, since almost every students were leaving. Granger wasn't really a problem, she wasn't with them during those times, Draco was pretty sure that she'd rather stay far away from him and that was pleasing him.
"Right, we are insufferable and you are the most joyful thing to be around during Christmas," Hermione said as she glanced at Draco. This one wondered if she was using the word "insufferable" as any other words or if it came into her mind because Snape had used it against her when they had had Defence Against the Dark Arts with him.
"You don't need to be so offended because he was telling the truth," Draco said as he smirked for the first time since he had got out of Lupin's class that day. He didn't know if it was a good thing, since it was happening because of Granger, but this conversation was at least taking his mind off things for now. Was it the solution to his problems, having to talk to people? Or just being mean to them? Because clearly, working on his school work wasn't helping.
"I might know a lot of things but I am not insufferable," Hermione said matter-of-factly.
"Keep telling yourself that," Draco said as he raised his eyebrows, not convinced. Hermione looked rather unimpressed by this attack and she looked at her book again. Draco didn't know why, but seeing that she had already lost her interest in their conversation annoyed him. "Come on, admit it. You're proud of making everyone know that you know everything, insufferable or not."
"I wouldn't say that I am proud, I just think it's nice to know what's ahead of us," she said, still not looking at him. "Besides, you know a lot of things too and I don't see anyone telling you anything about that, especially Professor Snape. No even when you're just disturbing his class like you did last week."
"That's because I don't feel the need of showing everyone that I know more things than they do. I mean, look at me. They just know it already," he said. Hermione glanced at him and snorted when she saw his smugly expression.
"What an idiot," she thought, a bit amused. She wasn't sure that Draco had been saying that to show off. There was something on his face telling her that he was just being humorous in his own way and that was really weird. He was only laughing with his friends, usually because they were making fun of students, but never was he trying to amuse Granger the Mudblood. And that was also contrasting with the expression that had been on his face when she had come in the library. He hadn't even noticed her when she sat down, making noise with her chair then her books. She had been surprised to see him there, she thought he had left to go to his common room. Now, his eyes were still red but less than when she had walked in and it had been very difficult to imagine that Draco might have cried because of what had happened in class.
Actually, just imagining Draco crying seemed ridiculous, impossible. Now, it was like... Like Draco was able to feel things, like he had problems on his own -besides this whole werewolf situation- and for Hermione, having those thoughts was as weird as seeing Draco make this... joke. She had only ever seen him being angry or annoying, obnoxious really. Even scared once or twice, but that was about it. Still, she had never thought the day Draco would cry his eyes out would happen. "Oh, I'm looking alright, and all I can see in an idiot thinking it's fine to do whatever he wants when someone is teaching," she said with a little smile, still amused. Draco raised an eyebrow as he tilted his head, looking at her.
"Like you said, I know a lot of things too. He had nothing new to teach me about-" Draco stopped for a second. With anyone else, it would have come off as him searching for an appropriate name for the creature, but Hermione knew that it wasn't like that. He had been talking too fast, for once, to stop so abruptly in the middle of his sentence. "Those disgusting things," he ended up saying, still staring at Hermione like he was scanning her face for her reaction. And Hermione hoped that he hadn't been able to read her face when he had said that. To hide it, she had immediately looked away at her work again, her heart beating fast. Was that what Draco was thinking of himself? Did he think that he was so disgusting for being a werewolf that he couldn't even say what he was without feeling bad? It didn't seem to be a problem back in the classroom, when he had made that howl. Maybe he was just trying to act like it was any other subject and that he was just trying to be offensive, or maybe that he was testing her, to see what someone else was thinking of werewolves.
"I don't think they are disgusting," She finally said, a bit lower than before, still not looking at him. "It's not like they chose to be like that, did they?" Now, she was regretting having turned her head because she couldn't see his expression anymore. But now, if she was staring at him while talking like that, she was sure he might get suspicious. Even if it was hard to admit it, and even if he was sometimes acting like a baby, she knew that Malfoy wasn't born yesterday. He would be able to take the hint.
"Probably because you don't have proper standards. I mean, look at your friends," he said, sounding offended. Hermione couldn't understand why, though. He was basically insulting himself in front of her and sounded as if her accepting the existence of werewolves wasn't something normal. Either Draco really hated his life as one of them, either it was like she thought, he just wanted to be offensive. But there was this tiny note in the way he was talking that made Hermione think that he was talking honestly, and she totally disregarded the fact that he was insulting her best friends.
"We clearly don't have the same standards, then," she said, finally looking at him. "But mine are so much better than yours. If you think that you, an arrogant show off, annoying and insulting everyone because you think they are not worth your presence and who really should get over himself, has better standards than me, we will have to disagree."
There was a moment of wavering that they used to stare at each other. Malfoy didn't look angry or offended, this time, just a bit surprised. And Hermione was only showing that she was standing by every single word she had said. Surely, he wouldn't be able to know what she was really thinking with those words. It only implied that not being disgusted by werewolves wasn't something making her less of a good person than him, on the contrary, and it was something she would have told him even if she hadn't known the truth. Yes, definitely, Malfoy wouldn't get suspicious with that.
"Let's disagree, then," Malfoy said slowly. Hermione bore an expression translating her agreement with their disagreement and she glanced at his parchment and the open book next to it. He was apparently working on his History of Magic homework but she knew that he needed some of the things they had talked about that day. Unfortunately, Draco didn't show up after what had happened in Lupin's class. She frowned.
"You're not going to be able to finish that," she told him. Malfoy frowned before he looked down at his work, then at her again, still frowning. "I mean, Professor Binns talked about some things you need to add in your work today," she explained, waiting for him to understand that he had skipped the class she was talking about. In the end, he blinked and put down his quill on the table as he opened his mouth, taking a gulp of air, before he closed it, gritting his teeth. He was clearly stopping himself from sighing heavily.
"Great, just what I needed," he said sarcastically.
"Do you want my notes?" She asked. Draco looked as shocked as he would have if Potter, Weasel and Granger had just made him their new best friend in chief. "I mean, I've already finished my homework, so I can-" she started but stopped herself, not knowing what to do. Maybe she shouldn't have proposed that. Not only because it was Malfoy, but also because she was probably going to be insulted once again. Too bad, she had more or less succeeded in having a second "nice" conversation with him. He hadn't even said Mudblood once yet. But Draco didn't insult her. Maybe because his mood was so bad that he didn't have the energy to be too obnoxious that day.
"I'm fine, I'll just ask Crabbe or Goyle," he said. Or Pansy. But he doubted that she had that much notes for that class. He couldn't even tell if she was usually listening to Binns anymore. He had never really minded her presence and the attention before, on the contrary, they had quite a strong friendship, but lately he was often faking to listen to her or Crabbe and Goyle. He was merely nodding while he was letting his mind wander on its own. It had actually been a while since he had had a real conversation with somebody without thinking about what was going on with Lupin. He saw Hermione narrowing her eyes.
"Crabbe or... Goyle? Really?" She asked. She was surprised when she heard Malfoy chuckle as he looked down at his parchment.
"Yeah, probably a bit too thick for that," he muttered. Hermione felt a little smile appearing on her lips and she kept looking at Draco for a few seconds.
"I'm not going to tell anyone, you know, I know how much of a disaster it would be," she said and Malfoy looked up, his eyebrows raised. Their eyes met and for a second, Hermione had been sure that he was under the impression she was talking about something else than the History of Magic notes. She looked away. "If you accept to take my notes. As long as you give them back to me, no one will know," she said before she looked at him out of the corner of her eye. Draco's face seemed a bit more relaxed than it had been a second before and for a really short moment, she regretted not telling him that she knew. "So?"
The bell rang but they kept staring at each other for a moment. Realizing that she should probably hurry to go to her next class, Hermione stood up, putting her parchment back in her bag as well as her books. Malfoy watched her do so, wondering how her bag wasn't totally ripped already, still not saying anything until she started to walk towards the exit.
"Wait, Granger-" Draco said as he suddenly stood up, hitting the table with his legs. He made a face as he restrained a groan before he walked quickly towards Hermione who had turned around. "Ok, fine."
Hermione looked at him for a second before she opened her bag again, taking out the notebook she was using for that class.
"Here," she said as she handed him the book. "You shouldn't skip anymore classes today," she then said, not knowing if he was going to join the students for their next lesson. It seemed like Draco hesitated once more before he took the notebook. He didn't say anything else, he didn't thank her, he didn't look at her, he just turned around. Hermione didn't complain, didn't really care if he wasn't thankful, she knew him, it wasn't a surprise. She just turned and walked out.
Draco turned his head when he heard her footsteps and she disappeared behind a shelf. He looked down at the notebook for a moment before he put it on the table, looking at his parchment. He sighed and shoved his belongings in his bag, knowing that she was right. Binns probably didn't notice his absence but McGonagall would. Once he had put his stuff in his bag, he glanced at the notebook that was still on the table. He took it and started to walk to get out of there or he was really going to be late.
At least, he had something to look at while going to his class since he didn't want to look at anyone. Instead, he opened the notebook to look at what was inside. He narrowed his eyes. How could someone taking so much classes and working that much could be that meticulous with their stuff? Unbelievable, Granger really wanted to be perfect, didn't she? Draco slightly shook his head. Of course, when he was thinking perfect, he was thinking about school work. She wanted the teachers to think that she was perfect. That was it. That was her way of showing off. It was as simple as that.
He almost ran into a wall and he finally looked up, glancing around before he kept walking in the right direction, keeping the notebook in his hands. He didn't want to put it in his bag when there was still some ink in it, even if he was sure that it was dry. He didn't want to take any risk. Granger was already beating him when it came to grades, he didn't need her to literally beat him up.
He had to say, the Mudblood could be scary. Besides, who would know it was hers? No one. Definitely no one would know he had accepted something from a Muggle-born.
He didn't look at her when he walked in the class, even if she glanced at him and saw her notebook in his left hand. She kept her smile to herself and listened to what Ron was talking about with Harry. She still couldn't believe that Draco was holding something she was owning in his hands. He really must have been shaken by the class. A lot of people were actually glancing at him, whispering, but he acted like he wasn't seeing them. Harry turned a bit his head to try and see him and even Pansy seemed tense next to him. She was glancing at him but not talking, perhaps because she didn't want him to be aggressive like he had been during the first feast. Draco was too busy reading something to care about her anyway, apparently.
.
Quickly enough, the day was over. The next morning, the students were going back home, leaving behind the only few ones that weren't going back to their places for the holidays.
"Well, I guess that answers your question," Ron told Harry after they crossed path with Snape and Malfoy who was following his teacher in the stairs on their way to the Great Hall. He had given them the most contemptuous look he could possibly give and muttered something under his breath. He didn't have his bandages anymore.
"Yeah, well, in the end I don't know if I want to find out anymore," Harry sighed as he walked through the doors, noticing Hermione surrounded by books at their table.
"Let's just stay far away from him, mate," Ron said as he shrugged, relieved that Harry seemed to be dropping it. At the same time, he knew that what was going on with the Dementors and Sirius Black wasn't helping. Harry couldn't wait to have his first private lesson with Lupin in order to be able to use the Patronus Charm. They sat down near Hermione. "Still working?" Ron asked. Hermione only glanced at him but didn't say anything. Apparently, she was still angry about the argument they had had the night before. Harry thought Ron had a point, Crookshanks was always attacking Scabbers. Still, he didn't like when they were fighting and was glad to see that Ron was trying to act like nothing had happened, even if he knew why he was really doing it.
"Maybe we should finish our homework too, don't you think?" Harry asked innocently.
"Good idea, Harry!" Ron said, taking some parchments from his bag. "Now, I thought we could work on this History stuff, it's the most annoying thing to do," he said, glancing at Hermione who was still not saying anything.
"Right, we should do that," Harry said, looking in his bag. "I think I forgot my notes in the dormitory," he then said, glancing at Hermione too. Ron was about to open his mouth but he was interrupted before he even got the chance to say anything.
"I'm not giving you mine," Hermione said shortly. They both exchanged a look for a second before Ron turned towards Hermione, being next to her, and he put his hands on her arm.
"Come on now, Hermione, I'm not mad at you, I promise!" He said.
"Well, next time, you'll just think about listening during the lesson!" Hermione said, suddenly turning her head towards him. Ron instantly moved from a few inches, removing his hands from her arm.
The truth was that even if it was annoying her to always help them with their work, especially that year, she wouldn't be able to give them her notes, Draco still had them. She only gave them to him the day before and even if he could have already finished his work, they were usually interacting in the library and she doubted that he would take the risk of giving them back to her outside of that place, even if there was barely anyone in the castle. Plus, she was still pissed at Ron, so why not use this as an excuse?
"So, we saw Snape with Draco a minute ago," Harry said to Hermione. She still didn't look up but stopped writing for a second.
"I thought you had decided to drop it?" Ron said to Harry, annoyed. Harry shrugged, of course he still wanted to know, he was just sorting out his priorities. And maybe that for once, Hermione would talk to them. She was working way too much. "You know, you have three weeks to finish all your work, maybe you could cut yourself some slack," Ron said, hoping that she wouldn't talk about Draco with Harry if he was distracting her. She suddenly closed her book, making him jump with suprise and she looked at Harry.
"You're right," she said to Ron without looking at him. "And I know already, he just walked in for breakfast, I suppose, when Snape made him turn around and they left," she explained.
.
"So," Snape said as he walked behind his desk, Draco closing the door behind him. The boy was wondering what was so important to make him miss the breakfast. He hadn't eaten a lot the last evening, he hadn't felt all that hungry, even if his stomach was craving for some food. He just had too much on his plate, no pun intended. "I heard that you had an interesting lesson with Professor Lupin, yesterday. Very interesting, indeed." Draco closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.
"And I'd rather not talk about it, actually, sir," he said. He met Snape's gaze and gave him a little smile.
"He told me exactly what happened," Snape continued.
"Yeah, you mean what he caused," Draco said before realizing that he might been sounding a bit rude. "Sir."
"He seemed genuinely worried but he also told me that you refused to talk to him about it," Snape pursued. Draco shrugged, looking away. "Let me remind you that whatever your relationship with him is like, you can always come here if you need someone to confide in," Snape said as he finally met Draco's eyes again. This one was a bit taken aback. Yes, he knew, he had already told a lot to his teacher over the years, but having Snape putting words on the nature of those conversations was just really weird, especially since he was sounding really cold.
"It was just... You know, nothing, really," Draco said, not capable of telling what he had on his mind. Snape kept staring at him to the point Malfoy became really uncomfortable.
"Are you sure?" Draco heard Snape ask and he simply nodded, trying hard not to rush to the door. "Can I see your arm?" Snape then asked. He had noticed that he didn't have his bandages anymore, when he still had them the day before. "Is it totally healed?" And again, Malfoy nodded, approaching. He pulled the sleeve of his cloak up, then he rolled up his shirt's sleeve. He didn't look at his arm, he just stared as Snape as he let him take a look.
He gritted his teeth when he felt Snape's fingers on his wrist and that his teacher bent a bit more to have a better look. Draco finally glanced at his arm. The long scars were clearly visible, still red because too recent. He found them really ugly.
"It would look better if you had let Madam Pomfrey take care of it," Snape told, still staring at the scars.
"I didn't need to, look, I'm fine," Draco said and Snape finally looked up, meeting his eyes again.
"Are you, really?" He asked. Draco felt like Snape could see right through him and he didn't like that. He looked away.
"Don't try to read my mind," he said.
"I wouldn't dare," Snape said as his lips curled up. He freed Draco's arm and straightened up.
"There's nothing to see anyway," Draco said as he shrugged, trying to look relaxed as he walked towards some shelves to examine their content without any interest.
"Nothing? Now, Draco, I wouldn't go as far as saying "nothing". We both know that is a lie," Snape said, sitting at his desk. Draco kept staring at the flasks on the shelf in front of him as well as the books but his eyes weren't on it. They slowly moved on their left, even if he couldn't see Snape from that angle, he was just really annoyed by what he was saying. Draco distractedly reached one of the flask, touching it with the tip of his fingers. "Do not touch," Snape cold voice said and Draco had automatically slipped his hand in his pocket like he hadn't touched the shelf at all.
"I'm not going to break anything," He said.
"I don't care," Snape said. Draco didn't answer, he didn't see the point.
"So, can I go eat now?" He asked, coming back in front of the desk, acting like nothing was bothering him.
"I still didn't hear you telling me anything about your last class with Lupin. Why don't we talk about this first?" Snape asked, not looking at Draco but writing something on a parchment. A good looking bad mark. It made Draco smirk.
"Because I really don't want to?" Draco said, hopeful that Snape would end up letting him go. But he just got a glance from Snape and he rolled his eyes. "It's not important, really. I don't know what he is worrying about and why you would."
"I presume it's because the whole class got a glimpse of your mo-"
"I don't care," Draco said shortly and coldly, interrupting his teacher. This one slowly looked up to glare at Draco but this time, Draco really didn't care. He didn't need a reminder like this, he knew that they had seen, he knew that everyone was talking about it. Even McGonagall had asked him if he was feeling alright at the end of her last lesson because she had heard about what had happened already. "Why is everyone so obsessed with this anyway? It was just a stupid Boggart!"
"That you were unable to jinx," Snape said as he stood up, walking to join Draco in front of his desk as the boy looked down. "We both know that you are a good wizard, don't we? I don't remember ever seeing you not being able to do something you were learning," he said. Draco didn't even feel good about this compliment, if anything, it made him feel worse. He wondered if it had been Snape's intention, since right now Draco was pretty rude.
"I couldn't use a spell against my parents," Draco said in a low voice.
"That is my point, it wasn't your parents," Snape said, staring at Draco who was still refusing to look at him. Draco gritted his teeth as his hand became a fist in his pocket. Snape had understood than even though Draco knew it had been a Boggart, he couldn't clearly dissociate it from his behavior with his parents. He would never point a wand at either of them, and so he couldn't do it in front of the Boggart either, even if he knew that it was fake.
"Whatever, if felt like it was. Do you really imagine me pointing my wand at either of them?" Drao asked. Snape's lips curled up at that thought. "It's the only reason I didn't do anything, it was too weird. It's not like I was afraid or anything," Draco lied, not noticing that he was talking lower with every word.
"I will just take your word for it, then," Snape said and finally, Draco looked at him with bright eyes.
"Thank you, sir," he felt the need to say. He didn't move, though, he kept staring at his teacher.
"You may go, now," Snape said and Draco turned directly to walk towards the door. "I will see you tonight."
Draco froze with his hand on the doorknob. He swallowed before he opened the door without saying anything and trying not to think about the potion he had to take that evening.
Draco was glad to sit alone at the big Slytherin table. The only student left from his house had probably eaten already and he was pleased not to have to sit near him to reach the food. He had the table for himself. Behind him, though, was the golden trio. He ignored them and they did the same. He ate enough food to remedy to the lack of what he had had in his stomach the day before, even if he was feeling a bit nauseous. When his owl came in the Great Hall, it's with a little smile that he took his father's letter, as well as one from his mother. There was also one from Pansy already, telling her that she had had a good trip back and that she hoped he would have good holidays even if he was stuck there. Before her departure, she had even proposed to write down her name on McGonagall's list to keep him company but he had refused, knowing that it wasn't really necessary since he would be sick. So, he told her that she should enjoy her time with her family.
He had been annoying with her, lately. Always in a bad mood, even his thoughts had turned bad. He couldn't count the number of times he had insulted his friends in his head since the beginning of the year. The pressure on his shoulders wasn't allowing him to be nice with anyone anymore, even in his head, he was constantly horrible with people and just realized that with this letter. Pansy was used to his mood swings since he had always been like that. Once par month, she was comparing him to a girl. But this time, it was worse than ever. Still, Pansy had always been there for him, she was a really good friend, too bad he couldn't confide in her as much as she was confiding in him.
He read his parents' letters as he kept eating and, when he was done and that he stood up, he couldn't help but glance at Granger and her friends. Apparently, she didn't care if it was the holidays, seeing the numerous books around her. Draco wondered why she was staying in such company when she could be at peace in the library. He smirked when he heard Weasley ask her for her History of Magic notes and that she refused, not even knowing that it wasn't the first time that morning.
Ron turned his head to look behind him when he noticed that Harry was staring at something behind he and Hermione. It was Malfoy, who wasn't moving but staring at Hermione. Ron frowned, wondering why he wasn't leaving.
"What are you looking at?" Ron asked aggressively, his mood turning bad as soon as he saw him. Hermione turned her head too, met Draco's eyes for a second before this one blinked and glanced at Ron.
"Because her nasty Mudblood smell is ruining my appetite," Draco said as he made a disgusted face, not looking at Hermione anymore. "Or is that yours? I mean, we all know your family is pretty disgusting but... Here, you have enough water to shower everyday," Draco said as he made another face, looking away from Ron. He finally glanced at Hermione to see her reaction before he smirked, satisfied with himself. He didn't address a word to Harry as he finally decided to leave, his letters in his hand.
Ron wanted to get up and thump him but the teacher's presence made him stop just as Harry was about to tell him not to.
"Just ignore him," Hermione almost whispered. Ron kept complaining, though, wondering how Hermione could hear that and not want to make something bad happen to him. She turned her head, glancing at the door of the Great Hall to see the back of Malfoy's head before he disappeared, walking towards his common room. Then, she tried to focus again. She tried really hard. She also tried not to listen to Ron and Harry who were mocking Draco.
.
Back in his common room, Draco quickly went into his dormitory where he was alone. He crouched in front of his trunk, opened it and removed some clothes to take a notebook hidden under them. He took the beginning of his homework for History of Magic, a quill and some ink before he walked back in the common room. The only other student staying there for Christmas, a fifth-year Draco had barely ever talked to, was sitting at a table, apparently working. Probably because he was going to pass his O. this year. Draco went to sit on his favorite armchair and put his stuff on the table, as well as the notebook. He hadn't minded keeping it hidden in his belongings if it meant that no one would touch it and discover what he was up to.
Paranoid, clearly. Still, Draco told the voice calling him crazy in the back of his head to shut up and he opened the notebook. He thought that it would be wise to work now and be free for the rest of the holidays. Well, during the short holidays he would have, knowing he would pass some time in the hospital. But he particularly wanted to begin with his History of Magic homework. He wanted to give Granger her notebook back as soon as he could.
He opened it after he had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, looking for the right page. He could see his arm out of the corner of his eye and he almost dropped the notebook on the table, catching the other student's attention. He glanced at him as he pulled down his sleeves, gritting his teeth. The other didn't seem to have noticed anything and again, the voice in Draco's head told him that he was too paranoid. He took the notebook again, a bit distracted now. So, he slowly turned the pages, his eyes staring at them. After a dozen of pages, he stopped, paying more attention to it. That was some nice handwritting. Really nice. Good curls and she seemed to be really efficient when it came to write down what Binns was saying. Also, it was tiny. Probably because if she was writing bigger, she wouldn't have space to write everything. Because yes, there was everything in this. Really efficient. Really hard-working girl she was, this stupid Granger.
It was a few seconds before he realized that he wasn't turning the pages anymore and he started again, finally getting to work.