Draco was sitting under a tree in front of the lake. He had used a spell to make the snow melt where he was sitting and he was staring at the creatures on the opposite bank. He knew what they were and he knew that he wasn't supposed to be able to see them but there he was, watching the Thestrals. There was someone there, near them. A short and blonde girl, from what he could tell from where he was. She was interacting with them, showing that he wasn't the only one able to see them.

Surprising.

Also, she wasn't one of the students staying at the castle for Christmas, which meant the others were probably back. To confirm what he was thinking, two hands suddenly tapped his well-covered shoulders and startled him. He turned his head so quickly that he felt his neck hurt as he discovered Pansy, who was smiling brightly at him.

"Surprise!" She said and Draco smiled back.

"Already here?" He asked as he moved aside to let some space for Pansy next to him. She sat, still looking at him.

"Well, yeah, don't you know what time it is?" She asked and Draco shrugged before he looked at the sky. He hadn't noticed that it was becoming dark. They were probably going to eat soon.

"How was the way back?" He asked and Pansy tilted her head before she started to tell him about the journey but also about some things about her holidays that she hadn't told him in her letters. "And see, I told you I like it," she said at the end of their conversation, showing the very beautiful and expensive necklace around her neck. Draco gave her a little smile as he looked at her.

"Well, I have to say... It does look better on you than I thought it would, I might even dare calling you pretty," he sniggered.

"Thanks, idiot," Pansy said as she rolled her eyes, pushing him on the side. He laughed a little and felt a bit better.

The end of the holidays hadn't been bad but what he had said in his letter to Pansy before the cycle had become true; he had felt lonely. Not only because of the feeling he had had when Hermione had come to visit him in the hospital -a feeling of great pleasure and satisfaction that he would never accept or try to understand to begin with-, but also because of the conversation he had had with Lupin that same night. He never mentioned the Boggart again but they did talk a few times, once being interrupted by Snape's arrival, who didn't show his feelings about them casually talking together.

Draco looked at the Thestrals again as he talked about his holidays. He didn't mention Hermione, of course, she wasn't important enough for that. It's not like they were friends or anything, they just had... civilized conversations. He still had her notebook though, even if he had finished his homework at the beginning of the holidays.

"Lupin's not that bad, actually..." Draco said, knowing she woud be the only person to ever know he had said that. Pansy looked at him, surprised.

"Well, yeah, I know, but what happened for you to change your mind?" Pansy asked. She wouldn't say that she liked Lupin, really, but she knew that he was a pretty good teacher compared to the other two they had and he was a pretty nice person. A shame he was so poor and probably not a pure-blood. He wasn't a part of their world, so she wasn't paying any particular attention to him. Draco shrugged.

"Well, I told you, I was alone all the time. I ran into him a few times, that's all," Draco said, not ready to say anything else just yet. He suddenly looked up when one of the Thestrals took off and Pansy followed his gaze, a bit surprised.

"Still looking at those, are you?" She asked quietly. Draco shrugged again, looking at the creature flying above the lake. When he had told her about those for the first time, Pansy wasn't believing him. Why would he be able to see creatures that no one else could see? She didn't doubt his words, though. Plus, he didn't seem to know what they were either, but a letter from his father had brought him the answers he needed. He had just told Draco the name of the creatures it probably was, given the situation, and Draco went to look them up at the library. As soon as he did, he understood right away why he could see them. Still, he never told Pansy whose death he had witnessed.

"We can go inside if you want to," he said, looking at the ones near the young girl again.

"No, it's fine, we can stay a little longer," Pansy said and Draco looked at her.

"Thanks," Draco muttered, still smiling. Pansy laughed quietly and pushed his face away with her hand, glad to see Draco acting normally with her again.

"Shut up, I said just a little longer," she simply said. She never liked when Draco was staring at them for too long, she always thought it would make him depressed and melancholic. Plus, she couldn't see them, it was like being with someone not in their right mind. She was sure that one time, she even saw him caressing one of them as she was walking towards him, but he had stopped as soon as he had noticed her.

But Draco wasn't really depressed when he was around them. And right now, he was too busy thinking about what Lupin had told him. Maybe he should talk to her about some of the things he never did talk about. Of course, he wouldn't tell her what he was, but he could make her understand that he trusted her enough for her to know his biggest secret. Maybe he could help her figure it out. If he wasn't saying it out loud, he wouldn't feel guilty about revealing it. It wouldn't feel as true as it would be if he was directly saying it. He might be able to avoid some consequences. Because if she was suddenly afraid or rejecting him, he could back out of all of this by saying that she had misunderstood everything, that the attack never went that far. Like Lupin had been, he was afraid that his friends would leave him once knowing the truth. Once knowing he was a monster. But would Pansy leave him, or would she act like Lupin's friends? She needed to know, at least, that he actually wanted her in the confidence, even if he wasn't exactly ready to tell her everything. Maybe it would reassure her.

Or maybe Draco was trying to reassure himself.

That's when Pansy noticed Luna near the creatures.

"Hey, the crazy girl's there. She can see them too?" Pansy asked as she looked at Draco again. This one looked down for a second before he glanced at Pansy.

"You think she's crazy?" He asked, and Pansy realized her mistake.

"Not because she sees them, come on, you know I don't think you're crazy!" She quickly said, putting a hand on Draco's forearm. Draco glanced at it and Pansy removed her hand. "Does it still hurt? I'm sorry..."

"Nah, I'm fine," he said shortly before he looked at Luna again, not seeing the point in pretending anymore. "What about her? You know her?" He asked. Pansy glanced at the girl but quickly looked at Draco again.

"Well, yeah," she said hesitantly and more quietly. "But everyone thinks she's crazy. I've never talked to her personally but I heard she's really weird. They all call her Loony Lovegood, I think her name's Luna," Pansy explained prudently. "She's a second year," she added. Draco nodded before he looked at Pansy again, meeting her eyes.

"She can see them, so it means that she saw death," he said. Beginning was easier than he thought it would. Maybe because Pansy was a good friend? "Did you ever think that maybe... that's what she saw that... made her weird?" He asked. Pansy frowned during a second. Draco must knew that she wasn't spending her free-time thinking about what had made Luna the way she was. There was something more to this question and when she saw Draco's expression, she figured it out pretty quickly.

"You're not weird, Draco," Pansy said, tilting her head a bit and feeling bad for the one she considered to be her best friend. It was even worse when he looked down. She had guessed right. But he wasn't like Loony, he was... normal. Just Draco. Draco Malfoy. He was better. "You're not like her..." Again, he felt Pansy's hand on his arm but he didn't look at her. Instead, he looked at the water. "You witnessed some things... I don't know what," she said, because he had never told her anything about that story. "All I know, really, is that you're not... weird, nor crazy. I wouldn't be talking to you if you were acting the way she does," Pansy said, trying to comfort him in some way.

It didn't. She wasn't normal so Pansy wouldn't talk to her. He wasn't normal. He was horrible. She wouldn't talk to him ever again...

"Still, I know that... because of that, I've not been the best of friends lately, if not ever," Draco said as he shrugged, not minding Pansy's touch this time, even if he knew that her hand was right on the scars under his clothes and his coat.

"Stop talking nonsense," Pansy said as she frowned.

"Why don't you?" Draco asked directly. "Come on, I'm horrible."

When they had started to hang out, Pansy had been sure he didn't care a lot about her, she was giving him a lot of attention and she was just happy to have some of his. But the more she knew Draco, the more she thought that she wasn't that important to him. However, he had changed during their second year. Pansy never knew if it was because of what was going on with the students being petrified, or if it was something else. Or at least, she had never been sure. The fact remained that he had opened up for real. He had talked to her about some things and they started to be closer. And now, they really were, their relationship was way different from the one they had before that moment.

"No, you're not!" Pansy said. "You're stupid, that's way different," she said matter-of-factly. She smiled as Draco snorted before he finally looked at her again.

"But I've been a jerk with you," he said. He wasn't one to have conversations like this but talking to Pansy was easy. Maybe because she was a girl and so, she could understand easily all that stuff. Or maybe because she was less thick than Crabbe and Goyle.

"You're a jerk with a lot of people and you know that, right?" Pansy asked, not really expecting an answer. But she wasn't expecting Draco to look down again. It was a well known fact that he was mean with most people and he was acting this way with great amusement. So, Pansy kept talking. "But you see, I didn't mind that it was with me this time. I knew it meant that you had something on your mind. I just hoped that you would know that you can talk to me about... anything, really. That's the only thing that disappointed me," she explained. Draco looked away automatically. Disappointing people he cared about, the thing he was always trying to avoid. The others, he didn't care. He pursed his lips.

"Yeah, well," he started to say as he watched the Thestral above the lake approaching to land near the water. Draco stared at it for a few seconds and Pansy followed his gaze, not seeing the creature. She saw its hooves' prints in the snow as it walked, though. It freaked her out but she didn't show anything. Draco slowly stood up, able to clearly see the huge winged horse and its morbid appareance. He had never been disgusted by their fleshless apparence, by their bones totally visible, by their white eyes with no expression. He had just always been fascinated, really. He knew the herd pretty well, so he approached the creature without any fear. The Thestral had stopped and had turned its head towards Draco before taking a step towards him. Draco smiled a little as he slowly caressed its dragonish head. Pansy was watching him without saying a word and without leaving her spot on the ground. "What if I still have something on my mind? And that I'd... I'd like to talk to you about it? Maybe," he said, not looking at Pansy. He kept staring at the creature, actually avoiding to look at his friend.

"Then you know that I'm here to listen," Pansy said. Draco pursed his lips as he turned a bit his head, still not looking at Pansy but at the tree near her, his hand still touching the Thestral.

"I... I'm not..." Now, it was difficult. He shrugged. "There are so many things and I can't really tell you any single one of them without..." There would be consequences. He would put them both in danger, probably. More himself than her, but still. He gritted his teeth as Pansy frowned. She finally stood up, crossing her arms as she took a few steps towards Draco, not exactly sure to know where the Thestral was. She didn't really want to run into it by accident. She just glanced at Draco's hand, not knowing if it was on its head or on its side, it seemed to be tall either way.

"I'm not going to tell anyone, you know," she said. Draco chuckled. Would she be able to keep her mouth shut when she would be scared to death? He couldn't tell her. He stopped moving his hand as he pursed his lips once again, swallowing his saliva with great difficulty.

"You need to promise..." He mumbled as he was trying to make his brain work properly. Pansy wasn't sure she had understood what Draco had said so she didn't say anything as she narrowed her eyes, focusing. Draco took a minute to think before he finally looked at her, opening his mouth again. "Promise me that... Whatever I can tell you, whatever you will understand... Promise me that you will keep everything for you and that..." He couldn't get out his last demand. He couldn't make her promise not to leave him. He didn't like having to share his feelings so he couldn't make himself do that. He knew that, in a way, she would understand.

"I promise," Pansy said quietly but seriously. She hadn't said that as soon as Draco had finished asking her to. She had taken a minute to think it through. She had stayed silent, thinking about the way Draco was acting, thinking about the expression on his face. Thinking about their friendship. They were young, they had only met each other two years prior but it didn't matter, their bond was strong now. Maybe because Pansy knew about some things the others never knew. Maybe because she was going to know things the others would never know. Maybe because she couldn't stand seeing Draco so depressed. Maybe because he was more important to her than his secrets, whatever they were. So, she promised. She promised and she approached Draco, looking at what had to be the Thestral. She slowly raised her hand to touch it, putting it really close to Draco's, just to be sure she wasn't putting her hand in its eye or something. When she felt it, her heart skipped a beat and she removed her hand, surprised.

Draco looked at her, unfathomable, and put his hand on her wrist to guide it on the Threstral's head, which accepted the caresses from this unknown human.

"It's complicated," Draco began to say, still guiding Pansy's moves on the Thestral. He was staring at her hand, making it go up and down on the fleshless creature. "Something happened," he ended up saying a bit more confidently. "Some time ago... And being here, this year, it just... makes me think about it all the time. Every day, and it makes me be... so angry, all the time," he said, trying to explain the way he was feeling as he frowned. It was hard for him to understand it, so telling it to someone else was even harder. Pansy hesitated, still looking at her hand too, before she asked her question.

"That thing, that happened, is it... is it the reason you can see them?" She asked quietly. Draco made a face and he shrugged again as he glanced at Pansy.

"More or less," he almost whispered before he stared at the Thestral again. Then, he stayed silent for a while. He let go of Pansy's hand and put his own on the Thestral's neck, softly patting it.

"Maybe you could begin by telling me when it happened?" Pansy asked quietly, trying to help him but not wanting to disturb anything that was happening and the sounds around them. It was so calm and she was afraid that Draco would not like her asking questions. But he just looked at her for what seemed to be a long minute before he answered.

"I was nine, almost ten," he said. Pansy swallowed and this time, she was the one looking away. So, around three years ago, Draco had lived something that had obviously changed him. It wasn't that long ago, and at the same time, she couldn't stop thinking...

"That's young," she said out loud without really noticing. She still didn't get what could make him think of it that much there, at Hogwarts, this year especially. Since the start of the school year, she had been able to tell that he was more anxious, more agressive and more lost in his thoughts than he had been the two years before. But the only real change this year was... Lupin.

Lupin, whom Draco hated at first sight. She still didn't know what had happened during the first feast to make Draco be so aggressive towards her, she just knew that it had everything to do with Lupin. And now, Draco was apparently fine with him being around. She couldn't understand him. Had he been there when Draco had seen that person dying? Was it why he was hating him so bad? Because it was bringing all those memories in his head? Was that death also the reason Draco was disappearing sometimes? He was always sick, he looked always tired and his mood was always changing, following his health. She was so eager to know everything about Draco, but she had always forced herself to keep her questions for herself. She had never asked anything. She had never wanted Draco not to talk to her anymore. She knew he would have been mad at her, two years before, or even the last year, if she had asked anything about his health. She had witnessed some people in their class asking him if he was sick and after jinxing them, he was always so cold and disrupted that she never dared talk to him about it.

"Was it... Someone from your family?" She then asked, still with a very low voice. What if it was some kind of curse and that his family was suffering from it? Maybe it came from older generations and that that person died from it. And now, maybe Draco had the curse and that's what was making him sick... Draco chuckled and she glanced at him. He shook his head before he took a deep breath, looking at the lake again. His sigh made him sound exhausted. Not because he was tired, even if he looked like he was, but because he was weary.

"No, he wasn't. Not at all," Draco said. Pansy looked at him, trying to ask more with her eyes. Draco met them and he gave her a small and sad smile. "I saw him... I saw someone being executed," he articulated, the memories coming back in his head.

"But, Draco... How...?" Was all Pansy could tell. She needed to realize what he had said first, because it was implying a few different things. Had he been executed in some creepy altercation Draco had witnessed or been a part of? Or had it been an official execution done by the Ministry? People were usually sentenced to Azkaban for life, which was somehow worse than death, so was that man totally human? She couldn't think about what he could have been right now, she was too taken aback. She hadn't noticed that she had stopped moving her hand on the Thestral because of her surprise. Draco had done the same as he was scrutinizing her face.

"My father had him be executed," he said quietly. Pansy's eyebrows shot up for one second before she tried to regain a composed face to keep listening. "And he had his brother sentenced to Azkaban," Draco added. So, clearly, the man he was talking about was indeed a part-human. Draco knew that he was walking on thin ice but he couldn't stop now. "I'm not going to go into details and I don't want you to ask any questions about it..." He said and Pansy slowly nodded. "Just... Father has a lot of ennemies, you know. And they thought that... to get back at him, they could... attack me," he finally said, looking away as he tried not to sigh. "You just don't mess with me this way, my father doesn't let that happen," Draco said as a little smirk was appearing on his face.

Proud, he was. His father had made them pay, even if it wasn't changing what had happened. Even if Draco hadn't wanted to witness the execution at the time, he had let his father take him there and he had watched as the Beast Division of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures handled the werewolf that had attacked him. He had witnessed the way werewolves were treated, even if the man had attacked him willingly and had deserved it. He had witnessed his parents arguing over his father's decision to report the attack, to make the Ministry know what had happened, to let them know Draco's condition to be able to have him killed and to show Draco the execution. He had witnessed his mother crying and shouting that he was going to ruin their son's life when they both thought he was asleep. But he wasn't. He had nightmares and every time he had them, he was running towards his parents to check that they were alright. That he hadn't done anything to them. He was sweating, crying, but he had stopped dead in the hallway when he had heard them. He had watched them from behind a wall because the door at the end of the hallway was opened. He had seen his mother slapping his father, who had been drinking that night. His father had always been blaming himself for what had happened to Draco. He could remember seeing him look like a wreck during some time. Until he talked to him.

At some point after the attack, he had thought that his father was hating him for being a werewolf because he couldn't even look at him for a while. Turned out it wasn't the reason he was so distant with Draco. Because he had asked his mother, who was more affectionate than ever with him, showing that nothing had changed about the way she was feeling towards him. And she had explained that everything was going to be alright, that his father was just angry at himself for not being able to do anything for him. That his father thought he had let him down and that it was making him really sad, not to use the word depressed. That it was making him do things that she wasn't approving of. But that everything, as always, would be alright. So, as his father walked in the living room where he was reading next to his mother, Draco had told him that everything was going to be alright, and his father's lips had curled up, and everything had been fine again.

"But... were you alright?" Pansy asked, getting Draco out of his own head and then remembering that she had accepted not to ask questions. Draco looked at her but smiled again, surprising her. She couldn't really read the expression that was on his face.

"Not bloody quite," he said. "But they got what they deserved."

Then, they just stopped talking. The silence wasn't really awkward, they just hadn't anything else to say. Draco took a few steps back as he saw the Thestral moving, putting his hand on Pansy's arm for her to move too. He watched the creature as it walked away before it took off once again. At the same time, they noticed that it was starting to snow again. Draco glanced at Pansy. He was glad to have told someone all of this, even if she didn't know everything. Knowing he could talk to her freely was enough. And for her, what she knew was enough. It was explaining a lot of things already. Draco knew that it wouldn't take too long for her to figure out the rest. She would probably know the next time he would disappear, two weeks later. And then, he would know if what she had said was true. He would know if he had made a bad decision by talking to her about all of this. He would know if she was going to keep her promise.

After a few seconds, as she was staring at the lake, Pansy talked again. "I missed you, I felt horrible for leaving you alone here."

"But you're here, now. Come on," Draco said as he walked towards the spot where they had been sitting some time before. He took his bag from the ground. "I've found a new passage in the castle that leads near the Gryffindor Tower. I'm sure we can go do something and make it look like it was some first year's fault or something."

Pansy laughed and like that, they walked towards the castle like nothing had happened. They separated the golden trio as they were all going to climb the stairs, Draco hitting Ron's shoulder once again to walk between them. As Pansy walked past them too, she turned around to grin at them and when they both were far enough, Ron started to complain.

"Did she really have to come back?" He asked. Draco was annoying enough by himself already. And now, Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle were back. Great.

"Anyway," Hermione said to change the subject. "Harry, did you talk to Professor Lupin about your classes again?"

"Yeah, we will start at eight o'clock on Thursday," Harry said with a little smile. He was anxious but eager to start learning the Patronus Charm.

.

The very next day, as they were starting their classes again and that the holidays were finally over, Draco knew that he had to find a way to give Hermione her notebook back.

So, he left the Great Hall before his friends as the first period would start soon. He had told Pansy that he had to go in a hurry because he had forgotten his book and that he didn't want to be late. He had his book with him, he just wanted to be the first one there, even before the bell rang. He hurried until he reached the floor he was looking for and walked quickly towards the classroom, which was already opened. He took his book from his bag and put the notebook above it before he kept both against his chest just in case someone would be in the class. Again, he was being paranoid, but he'd rather be careful than being seen giving something to Hermione. No one was in the classroom yet besides Professor McGonagall. He walked in, glancing at the Professor who followed him with her gaze as he walked between the seats. He slid the notebook on Hermione's desk as he passed near it before he put his bag next to his seat and his book on his table as he sat down, looking for something in his bag.

He got the homework he had to give to his Transfiguration teacher and he acted like he was reading it one last time, knowing that McGonagall was still staring at him. Surely, she had noticed the notebook he had put on Hermione's desk. She was always noticing everything. Draco was focused on staring really intensely at his parchment when he heard footsteps coming his way.

"Everything's alright, Mr. Malfoy?" He heard McGonagall ask him and he looked up at her. They had never really liked each other, but Draco knew that she was not only very clever, but also -even if it was killing him to admit it- a pretty badass witch.

"Yeah, of course," he just said, meeting her eyes before he looked down at his homework, rolling his parchment again. "Actually, here, my homework," he said as he handed it to her. His professor took it and simply examined the roll before she looked at Draco again.

"I hope you didn't take that from Miss Granger to do your homework," she said, talking about the notebook. Draco was suddenly both surprised and red in the cheeks.

"N-No, it's not-" he said before he cleared his throat, gaining his composure. "It's not what you think," he said like he had to justify himself. McGonagall kept staring at him and Draco could have sworn he had seen her lips curl up for an instant. "It's History of Magic stuff," he said. "She gave it to me!" He quickly added before he heard the bell ringing. He wanted to be burried alive right now. What was wrong with him, lately? First he was a bit clumsy around Granger, then he was accepting her help, he was having civilized conversations with her and his stomach couldn't stop twitching when she had visited him in the hospital. He even gave her his precious sweets, he had wanted to slap himself so bad after she had left. He was becoming stupid, he had probably been around Potter and the Weasel for too long, just by being in the same classroom as them.

Of course, deep down, he knew what it was all about. He liked acting like a fool not to admit anything.

"Because there's nothing. At all," Draco thought angrily. The students suddenly filled the classroom and McGonagall walked away. Draco stretched his neck, looking at the students walking in. He caught a glimpse of Hermione and as she glanced at him and that their eyes met, he acted like he was looking for someone else until he saw Pansy coming in. He nodded in her direction and she came to sit down next to him. She started to talk casually to him and he tried to look as natural as he could, this annoying sensation back in his stomach already. Still, he couldn't help but glance at Hermione, who had obviously noticed the notebook waiting for her on her usual desk. He saw her when she turned her head a bit, her long hair hiding half her face as he was sure that she was trying to catch a glimpse of him. Mentally, he insulted her, asking her not to be so obvious when she wasn't at all. When no one would have ever guessed anything anyway.

Then, he wanted to hit his own face repeatedly against the desk when he saw her opening the notebook. Couldn't she wait? She had to check if he hadn't done anything to her precious notes, didn't she? Of course she found the little piece of paper that was in it. He saw her body shaking slightly as she chuckled while reading it.

"thanks

p.s: eat this note, if you please"

It wasn't funny. He didn't want anyone to find that. Ugh, she was so annoying. Draco gritted his teeth as he looked at his book, feelings his cheeks warmer than ever.

"It's not because she's pretty that she has every right, that Mudblood," he thought. He hoped she would choke with the paper, then regretted this thought. "She's not even that pretty."

Instead of eating it, not even thinking that Draco could be serious about this, Hermione put it in her pocket with a little smile on her face before she looked at McGonagall, who was about to capture the attention of the class but who was, for some reason, looking at her.

.

Thursday came by fast and soon, Harry found himself walking fast to Lupin's office not to be late. So fast that he actually arrrived a few minutes before eight and he stopped in front of the door when he heard voices inside, not wanting to knock and interrupt Lupin if he was busy already. They had set an hour anyway, he would come out soon. Still, when he recognized the voice of Draco Malfoy, he couldn't help but try to listen. He couldn't just push his ear against the door, he really didn't want to be noticed. So, he tried to catch glimpses of the conversation, approaching the door a bit.

"Did you ever talk to them about those?" Lupin asked Malfoy. Harry frowned and approached a bit more, wondering what his teacher was talking about.

And what he was talking about was Draco's dreams. Indeed, Draco had gathered his courage and went to see Lupin to talk a bit about his Boggart. That had been difficult, but he really was trying to make some efforts, lately. First with Pansy, he had somehow apologized and they were back to normal, it was even better than before. He had even thanked Hermione for her notebook. Thanks Merlin, he didn't have to do it directly, it was easier on paper. And he was trying to talk a bit more with Lupin, now that they had made some peace. Clearly, Draco thought he had to receive some sort of medal for his actions and behavior. For him, they were both exemplary.

So, that day, after the feast, he went directly to find his professor in his office. Lupin had told him that he had a meeting not long after but Draco had told him that he wouldn't take too long anyway, that he just wanted to talk about what they all witnessed in his class before the holidays. Lupin had been surprised, but had directly offered a seat to Draco before he had handed him some chocolate. At that point, Draco had wondered if Lupin wasn't spending all his free-time wandering around the castle handing chocolate to the students and he didn't dare saying no. Maybe Lupin would be offended to see that someone could refuse chocolate. How could someone eating some much of that stuff could be so skinny anyway? Draco had closed his eyes for a few seconds. Perhaps he really had to shut his brain down sometimes, the more he was asking himself questions, the more they were stupid. What was wrong with him lately?

So many things.

He then explained the situation. Lupin told him that he wasn't surprised to learn it was about his nightmares, but what Draco wanted to know was how to fight those. And how his dreams could become a fear like that, when he knew that it wasn't real.

"I didn't... need to tell them, really," Draco just said as he shrugged, looking at the creature they were studying during their classes, which was in a cage not far from Lupin's desk. Like that, he didn't have to meet his eyes and Lupin got everything without having to ask for more information. Being nine years old, he must have been so terrified that they just knew, that he directly told them, maybe even checked on them, fearing that he might have done something horrible to them.

"So tell me," Lupin said, "Were you really able to know that it wasn't real? Are you, now, capable of telling that it isn't real when you wake up?" Draco looked down. Of course, he couldn't. Even if he was waking up in his bed, in his pajamas and in his bedroom, he was waking up. Like after a cycle. He was feeling sick, he was sweating and his breath was short like he had just run for a very long distance. Like he had done a lot during the night. Of course, he couldn't tell what was going on. He was always getting out of bed, trying not to fall as he was running towards his parents' bedroom, horrible images in his head.

"I don't know," Draco said hesitantly and quietly, Harry didn't catch what he was saying from behind the door. "Maybe... Probably."

"You're not crazy, Draco," Lupin said, not very loud either. Draco pursed his lips, still not looking at him. "You're human. I don't believe you're a monster. You may be a jerk," he said with a smile when Draco looked up at him, looking a bit offended, "But you're still human. And as long as you don't forget it, it's alright."

They all needed to stop saying it was alright, or that it was going to be alright. Nothing was going accorded to plan since his attack.

They spoke even quiter, like they knew they might be heard at any moment. Or was it simply because Draco didn't want to hear his own words?

"But... what if it's what I'm going to be? Maybe my mind is trying to tell me that I should... Bring myself to leave them alone as long as I can... protect them," he almost whispered.

"Look, I don't know much about dreams. Maybe you should ask Professor Trelawney for that," Draco sniggered when Lupin said this and his professor smiled again as he leaned against his desk, crossing his arms. "But if you really have to ask me for my opinion... I'll tell you that your mind is telling you that whatever you might be afraid to do in the future, for now, you still care enough to have this as a fear. As your biggest fear, actually. I do not think you're afraid of hurting your parents. Well, you must be, but not totally. You're afraid of not being yourself anymore. What you fear is what you might become. Not what you are right now. Not what you might do, but who you might be. What being like this will bring in your life; nothing good, I'd say. Pain, darkness, loneliness. It will take everything away from you, including the ones you cherish the most, either because you will hurt them or because they will leave you," he said. Draco wasn't looking at him anymore, he was looking at his hands, hardly swallowing his spit and his jaw clenched so hard that it was actually hurting. "Why do you think I want you to talk to me? Why do you think I want you to know that you're not alone?" Draco slowly looked at Lupin, meeting his eyes. "You're afraid to lose yourself so much that you're cutting yourself from everything. That's what I want you to avoid. I want you to stop keeping everything inside, even if it means that you have to talk to me like I am nothing less than... Well, knowing you and your family, I'd say a Muggle-born," Lupin said with some contempt. Draco looked away, suddenly uncomfortable as he did so. Again, he felt his cheeks becoming warmer as he tried to push her image away from his head. "I don't care if you only show me disrespect. Our situation is very unfortunate, as much as it is a good opportunity. When I accepted this job, I did not think I would be here to be more than a teacher to the students. But you need to tell me right now if I'm a fool for believing in you like I do. If I'm insane for thinking you might change, not like you think you will, of course, in a good way. If you are able to tell me for sure that you can't even bring yourself to contemplate the idea of being a better person, then I promise that I will leave you alone."

.

Harry was so focused on capturing every word, which he didn't quite do, that he didn't hear the end of the conversation at all and he jumped backwards when he heard footsteps. He felt a heat wave in his body and he decided to act like he was only arriving. He took a few steps back before he walked again towards the door. Draco came out of the room so fast that they ended up colliding.

"Watch where you're going, Potter!" Draco said vehemently as he frowned, straightening up and ready to push Harry. But Lupin was behind them.

"I'm sure Harry didn't do this on purpose, Draco," he said as he smiled at Harry. This one was still a bit taken aback and he looked at Draco as he was putting his cloak properly on his shoulders again. With that much of a close up, he had been able to notice Draco's complexion. Pale, more than usual, with his eyes a bit red and dark rings under them. He had been able to understand that they were talking about some dreams and Harry wondered if Draco had one that night; he looked sleep-deprived. Then, Harry avoided him not to be hit on the shoulder like Ron and he looked at Draco's back as he walked away. "Come in," Lupin said calmly.

"What was he doing here?" Harry asked as he walked in.

"Nothing you really ought to know," Lupin said, still smiling. "Besides, it is beyond what you are doing here. Let's not waste any more time."

Harry didn't ask any more questions. He would just tell Ron and Hermione about this surprising meeting and the parts of the conversation he had heard. He had to focus right now, not think about Draco and Lupin's behavior and relationship.

.

At the end of the lesson, and after a few failures when facing the Boggart, Harry and Lupin were discussing, Harry eating some chocolate.

"So, how are you feeling here?" Harry asked. "I mean, do you like your job?" Lupin considered him for a moment.

"I really do," he said. "And being here reminds me of a lot of good times too," he kept on going. It was painful to think about those times, now. Painful to walk in those same hallways, in that same classroom. To go to the Shrieking Shack, to go near the lake. But they had been good times.

"Good," Harry said, actually relieved. "I was afraid you had a hard time with D- some students."

"Don't worry, one student is not going to make me miserable," Lupin said as he chuckled, knowing what Harry was talking about.

"Er- I'm not-"

"Look, I know that he is not..." Lupin started to say before he sighed heavily. "We sorted everything out and it's all right, now," Lupin said. Harry frowned a bit.

"He's just too spoiled at home and mean with everyone here," Harry suddenly said as he stared at Lupin. He didn't know why it had come out this way, it had happened like when Snape had brought Lupin the potion and that he suddenly talked about Snape's liking for the Dark Arts. It was making him angry, somehow, so he was telling those things.

"It's way more complicated than that, Harry," Lupin said and, seeing Harry's expression, he pursed his lips. "I can't discuss this... It's a private matter. But you don't have to worry, even if it's touching me."

"I can't believe that you made him come around, he's a jerk," Harry said as he frowned, taking an angry bite of chocolate. Lupin snorted as he joined his hands on his lap.

"No one does anything without a reason, Harry," Lupin said as he looked at his student. Harry wasn't convinced at all, not when it came to Malfoy.