"I'm pretty sure it was about you two," Harry told Hermione as he put some food on his plate.
"Have you ever seen him so angry? Even at you?" She asked, still stunned by what they had witnessed before they had walked in the Great Hall. Harry shrugged, to Hermione's disappointment.
"You heard Pansy as well as I did, Hermione," Harry said, glancing at his friend. "Clearly, he was angry at the thought of hanging out with people like us, I don't think he changed all that much," and he was in fact happy that his point had been proved. Draco's reaction clearly showed that he was the same and that he probably wasn't talking to Hermione because he was, in fact, interested in being some kind of friend to her. Hermione thought that Harry was rather insensitive for telling her something like that, especially since she had told him he wanted to keep up appearances half an hour before. Plus, neither of them had heard the beginning of what Pansy had been saying, but they had no idea about that. Hermione looked at the Slytherin table and was surprised, a few moments after, to meet Draco's eyes almost as soon as he looked up.
Hermione didn't mention Draco again that day, nor did Harry. He had enough and Hermione was concerned but not suicidal either. She didn't want Harry to strangle her. Or like Ron, maybe he would stop talking to her if it wasn't to say mean things. Harry actually went to spend some time with him when they got back in the common room and Hermione crossed path with Ginny on her way up to her dormitory. After Ginny had asked her if she was ok, because Hermione did look very pale, she went in the dorm with her.
"Harry saw me talking with Draco before the feast," Hermione told her friend as they sat on her bed. Ginny knew about those conversations between Hermione and Malfoy. She was the only one fully aware of what was going on between them, even if Hermione had never told her about Draco being a werewolf. Ginny had promised not to tell a soul about this and had kept her promise. Actually, she had been excited to hear about all of this, eager to know if Malfoy would be able to come around and change his behavior towards Harry, Ron and Hermione.
"Was he angry?" Ginny asked, stunned. The situation was bad. Hermione shrugged.
"Well, yeah... I mean, a bit, as you would expect him to be. But he was more surprised than anything, really," she explained. "I told him that it was nothing important and that it just happened. That it didn't mean anything. He's paranoid, he's saying that Draco's up to something."
"I mean, can you blame him?" Ginny asked quietly. Hermione snorted and shook her head a bit.
"Probably not, I know how it must have looked like, especially when he came in the room. You should have seen Draco," Hermione said as she looked down. Ginny couldn't help but smile a little. She had witnessed the evolution of their relationship, if even there was one. She had witnessed Hermione starting to use his first name when she was explaining things to her, how hopeful she was looking every time she was saying that he had been kind of nice again. "Which didn't help. Anyway, Harry's not really mad at me, he even asked some questions to understand why I was talking to him. I'm just afraid he's going to tell Ron."
"I'm sure he's not going to," Ginny said as she put her hand on Hermione's leg. Hermione glanced at her, not so sure about that. "If you think about it, it might even help you guys. Harry is probably not going to want you talking to Malfoy again, he'll try to make Ron talk to you to avoid that, I guess," she explained. It made sense but it didn't seem to give Hermione real comfort.
"I don't think he will need this for me not to talk to Draco again," she sighed. When she saw Ginny's expression, she muttered. "Pansy was there too..."
She then explained what had happened and what she and Harry had witnessed once in the stairs. Hermione had never told Ginny about the werewolf thing but she had noticed that he was even more annoying with Harry when the cycle was approaching. The more the days were passing and the more he seemed to be in a bad mood. Hermione was secretly hoping that it was the reason he had shouted at Pansy, and not just because of what she was saying. Pansy knowing was probably the worse thing that could have happened. Even if he was angry because of the cycle, it was probably a good reason for him to back out. He wouldn't hang around her again, and Pansy would probably not let him do so anyway.
If he wanted that, obviously. Maybe he was ok with not talking to her anymore.
"I'm sure he'll still talk to you," Ginny said, like she was reading her mind. Hermione glanced at her. "Just to make a point, he will."
Hermione snorted again and Ginny smiled. Hermione didn't think he would really have any reason to do it, on the contrary, but the more she was telling herself that he would indeed talk to her, the more she was feeling better.
.
"Malfoy? Really?" Ron shouted. Hermione glanced around and bit her lower lip. She met Ginny's eyes and this one looked sorry. They were back in the common room, late at night, sitting on the armchairs near the fire. Hermione and Ginny had moved there to keep talking when Ron had burst in with Harry, getting out of their dorm.
"Well, I was wrong about that," Ginny said as she shrugged, glancing at her brother.
"What, you knew?" Ron asked as he looked at his sister. Hermione then glared at Harry.
"You couldn't help yourself, could you?" She asked. Apparently, Harry had told Ron about what was going on.
"I just wanted him to talk to you again and as you can see... He's talking to you!" Harry said, looking away when he saw Hermione's expression. Ginny was amused, though.
"Thats not the point!" Ron said, still way too loud.
"Can you stop yelling at me?" Hermione asked, calmly.
"But- But- Malfoy!" Ron repeated.
"Since when do you care?" Hermione asked as she stood up too, narrowing her eyes. Ron had taken a step back and clenched his jaw, glancing at Harry. She then turned around for her back to face Ron.
"I'm worried for you, that's all," he mumbled, making his sister smile again as she shook her head, glancing at Harry with a knowing look. This one seemed amused too as he sat down next to Ginny, who was still a bit nervous around him. Still, they were able to hang out more naturally, especially when it wasn't just the two of them. "What could have possibly crossed your mind for you to talk to him? That's... Insane!"
"I don't know if I prefer you when you're worried for me or when you're angry at me," Hermione said as she crossed her arms.
"I-I'm still angry at you," Ron said quickly. "But... It doesn't mean you should do this kind of stuff."
Hermione suddenly turned around, facing Ron again.
"What? You think I'm doing this just to have your attention?" She asked.
"I didn't say that," Ron said even more quickly. "But it's Malfoy so either way, I don't know what makes you speak to him, I mean-"
"You don't need a reason, I do whatever I want. And I don't do anything because you're angry at me, I'm a big girl," she said as she narrowed her eyes, not wanting to hear what Ron had to say about Draco.
"Why are you so defensive?" Ron asked, taking Hermione aback. She could feel her cheeks becoming warmer. She was hoping that they would all mistake the pink shade of her face with the reflection of the fire on her skin. Her heart was beating faster and she couldn't speak directly. Ginny was, this time, trying to hide her smile, sitting comfortably in her armchair. "I know you work a lot, and that you're tired, and that- that- you're like really stressed out, but going that far, that's a bit worrying, yes!"
"You didn't worry about me being so stressed before, you were just mad at me and Crookshanks!"
"Yeah because this thing coming from Hell ate Scabbers!" Ron said and Harry rolled his eyes.
"Guys, not with that again..." He mumbled, not actually wanting to be a part of the argument.
"Still, it doesn't mean I don't care about you anymore! I'm mad but it's more important for me to know that-" Ron began to say, not finishing but surprising everyone.
"What is more important?" Hermione asked quietly after a few seconds.
"I don't know," Ron mumbled, suddenly a bit ashamed as he shrugged. "That you're safe, y'know."
Hermione's eyebrows shot up, as well as Harry's and Ginny shook her head, tired of her brother's behavior.
And just like that, they started to talk again. It was still awkward and Ron was still very sad about Scabbers, even if he didn't like to admit it, but they were getting along pretty well again. With all that, Harry was sure that Hermione wouldn't talk to Draco ever again. Little did he know that it wasn't what Hermione had planned at all. And Draco wasn't trying to give the idea too much thoughts. They actually didn't talk during a long part of the week. They did interact once though, the day before the cycle.
.
Draco and Pansy were walking to go to their next lesson when Hermione came from the other end of the corridor, apparently in a hurry. She had two books in her hands and her bag was heavy on her shoulder. She was walking very fast when she tripped. She gasped before she felt two hands on her right arm, stopping her from falling down. She was startled, probably as much as Pansy, actually, because when she looked up, she saw Draco.
Draco Malfoy had caught her. Draco Malfoy who would actually push people to make them fall had stopped her from hurting herself. She blinked. Draco Malfoy had touched her without running away to wash his hands. Actually, he was still touching her. One of his hand was still on her shoulder, the other on her wrist. He blinked too. Apparently, he didn't even understand what he had really done. Hermione glanced at Pansy and directly straightened up as she cleared her throat. Hermione was pale and her eyes were a bit red, like she hadn't slept a lot. She was actually looking as bad as Draco.
That's probably what had surprised Pansy the most. Draco was, as often, looking extremely tired and sick and was a bit slow when it came to do simple tasks like walking. But still, he had been able to catch her fast enough for her not to fall. And was Granger blushing? Ugh, that was disgusting. She looked away as she heard Hermione mumbling a quick "good reflexes, thank you" before she hurried again to go to her class. Pansy then glanced at Draco, who hadn't said anything but who was looking at Hermione as she was walking away. She cleared her throat and Draco barely seemed to regain consciousness as he looked down, noticing a book. He quickly took it and raised his hand.
"Hey, Granger! You forgot-" he began to say, but she had already disappeared behind the corner of the hallway. "-your book."
"Well, guess you'll have to burn it," Pansy said with a little smirk as Draco kept looking at the corner like Hermione was suddenly going to reappear, like she was going to notice that one of her books was missing and that Draco, her savior, had it to give it back to her. After a moment, he turned around to face Pansy but was still not looking at her. Instead, he glanced at the book. It wasn't even for one of her classes, apparently, it was just something to distract her, a story.
"Nah, I'm going to give it back to her," he said. Pansy raised an eyebrow, not really impressed by this decision. That's when Draco met her eyes and smiled at her. She narrowed hers, annoyed.
"Oh, because you are serious?" She asked. Draco shrugged and started to walk again, passing Pansy who quickly followed him, starting to rant about how a bad idea it was. Draco didn't really listen. He still had a little smile on his lips, his fingers tight around one edge of the book. He wasn't afraid of her judgment anymore. He was too tired for that and had spent the last three days arguing with her about all of this. But soon, the next day, actually, she would know about him. About what he was. He would be glad if she had another reason than that to not talk to him. Sure, it would be sad, but he had thought a lot about this. He'd rather have her not talking to him because he was associating himself with a Muggle-born than because he was a monster. He'd rather have her not respect him anymore than have her being afraid of him.
But Pansy was still annoying him. Ignoring her and smiling was just a way for him to drive her mad but it didn't change the way he was feeling. Annoyed, angry. Tired.
.
But it didn't stop him. The very next day, he avoided crossing path with Hermione just to be sure she wouldn't ask for her book. Then, he went in the library at the end of the day, knowing she would most likely be working there.
He congratulated himself when he saw that he was right. Still, he didn't directly walk towards their table, because Hermione wasn't alone. She was with Weasel's sister. So he wandered not too far from the table, waiting to see if she would move but he didn't have much hope.
That's when Ginny noticed him. She had looked up from her work and her attention had been caught by Draco's white-blonde hair. So, she decided to act like she had to look for something after she had exchanged a glance with Hermione who was sitting in front of her, he back facing Draco. Of course, Hermione had told her about the incident that had occurred the day before, that's actually when she had noticed that her book was missing. And seeing Draco coming in with a book and failing at his attempt to look natural while staring at the shelves, Ginny had quickly put two and two together.
Draco directly noticed Ginny getting up and once she did, he walked slowly towards the table, staring at Hermione and hiding his hands behind his back. He stopped next to her and waited almost a minute for her to realize that he was there. She was apparently too focused on her work but when she saw him, she jumped a little on her chair because of her surprise.
"Next time, warn me!" She said, a hand on her chest. Draco raised an eyebrow.
"Sure, I'll just suddenly talk to tell you I'm here," he said, knowing it would have surprised her too. She narrowed her eyes as she looked at him again and he smirked. Hermione quickly looked at her work again.
"What do you want?" She asked, trying not to sound too interested. He didn't answer, he waited for her to look at him again, which allowed him to stare at her a little longer. "Malfoy?" She asked as she turned her head. When she did, he showed her the book he had been hiding behind his back for the last few minutes.
"You dropped something yesterday. You know, when I saved you," he said, proud of himself. Hermione raised an eyebrow as she stared at the book.
"Saved me, huh?" She said, amused, before she finally tried to take the book. Draco wouldn't let go of it.
"Well, yeah. You should be glad I actually brought it back to you. Pansy wanted me to burn it," he said.
"Well, thank you, then, that was very generous of you," Hermione said, meeting his eyes, and he finally let her take the book as he nodded quickly, like the approval of his actions was boosting his mood.
"No problem," he said as he waved his hand to say that it wasn't such a big deal after all. Hermione tried not to laugh at this behavior as he was trying to look laid back, joining his hands behind his back again.
"Is there anything else?" She asked. She knew that he probably had to go by now, it was getting late and he had to... Go somewhere else. She still didn't know if he was just going into the Forest but she couldn't understand what he was still doing there.
"What's it about?" He asked as he suddenly sat down next to her, resting his elbow on the table.
"What?"
"Your book," he clarified, resting his head against his hand. Hermione stared at him. Fine. Everything was... fine. Draco Malfoy was sitting right next to her, actually facing her, apparently really interested about what she had to say on a book. A book that he had brought back to her after he had prevented her to fall. Right. Was it because he was really tired again? Tired or not, she liked the view. He was actually pretty handsome.
"Um... It's just a story," she said, shrugging as she tried to stop the conversation. She really wanted to talk with him again, but he not only had to leave, but she had to find a way for him not to see her blush. She could feel that her face was really hot as he kept staring at her.
"Weird, you're not really talkative today," Draco said. It was true, she was usually the one starting to talk. "Is it because of Scarhead?"
"Well, I'll tell you what," she said, smiling at him, not really wanting to talk about Harry right now. Draco bit his lower lip from the inside of his mouth, feeling his stomach making a flip in his body. "I'll give it to you, and you'll bring it back to me when you'll be done with it. Then, you'll tell me what you thought of it," she said, handing him the book. Draco glanced at it, then at Hermione, then at the book again.
"Alright," he said as he took the book back, holding it between his two hands. "I have a lot of work so I might take some time to read it," he said, trying to sound like he wasn't eager to discuss it with Hermione.
"It's fine, you take your time, I have a lot of work too anyway," she said.
"So, it's fine if I really take my time, right?" He asked. She raised her eyebrows.
"Well, yeah."
"Because, you know, I'm a really busy man and- what?" he said when he heard Hermione snort.
"Nothing," she said quickly, smiling a little.
"Anyway. All I say is that I might not be done before the Easter holidays, I mean... It's a big book," he said. Hermione still couldn't get what he was getting at, why he was talking just to say this kind of things. "Not that I have a problem with big books, they are totally... What I usually read, I just mean..." He quickly added, apparently so lost in his speech that he hadn't noticed Hermione's smile. He then stood up quickly. "So you know, I might be done during the holidays and I might, you know, maybe- maybe I'll write to you to tell you what I thought of it."
There was a long pause during which Draco wanted to run away. But he kept staring at Hermione, always showing his confident self and she kept staring back. After what seemed like an eternity, she smiled again.
"Fine by me."
"Is it?" Draco quickly asked, regretting it a second later, realizing it might have sounded a bit childlish. Hermione stopped herself from laughing and nodded.
"You have no idea, I can't wait for your letter to arrive, I'm already counting the days," she said a bit sarcastically. Draco smirked, but this time it was just because he was amused, it wasn't derisive.
"Well, get in line," he said before he actually winked and he finally turned around, letting Hermione totally speechless. He quickly got out of the library, feeling really awkward.
He took a deep breath before he glanced on his side. He jumped backwards when he noticed Pansy.
"What the-!"
"You were talking to her, weren't you? I thought you were giving it back to her?" She asked as she noticed the book. Draco sighed heavily as he started to walk, Pansy quickly following him as she started to rant about how wrong it was again. He was feeling good a minute before, and now Pansy was ruinning this feeling. He thought about the conversation he just had again, before he saw himself wink again. Focused on this ridiculous image and hearing Pansy next to him, he ended up hitting his forehead with the book.
.
"Can you believe that? She's explaining that to me? Like I'm some kind of- of- of stupid kid?" Draco said as he was walking quickly in the passageway to go to the Shrieking Shack. Lupin was following, a bit behind. He had never seen Draco so overexcited during a cycle but now that they were alone, he couldn't stop talking. "Oh, at first of course, she didn't talk about it again, wouldn't want me to be mad at her now, would she?" He kept on going. "But as soon as she heard that I was going to the library, she had to follow and to repeat me all those things and now she cannot stop! It's been days! And I'm not even talking about the moment I got Granger's book, she was so mad!" He was talking fast and Lupin would find all of this very amusing if he wasn't so tired. He even wondered if Draco was always acting like that when he had something to tell his father.
He had been coming from the library when he went to take his potion, and he had seemed to be in a bad mood already. He even told Snape that he didn't need him to walk him there, that day, and that he would just go with Lupin instead. It had surprised both professors but neither had said anything. Lupin avoided looking at Snape as this one glared at him. He didn't really want to engage in this kind of fight with Severus, he didn't want to fight for Draco. He didn't have to prove that he was closer to him, and it was actually annoying him that Snape could think that he was trying to steal Draco from him. As soon as they had walked out of the castle, Lupin had tried to talk about it to Draco but he hadn't even listened to him. He was in such a bad mood, he had simply started to rant about Pansy.
Lupin knew how irritable Draco could become before a full moon, so he wondered if he wasn't exaggerating the whole thing. But since Pansy didn't know about all of that, it was also possible that she was really harassing him with the matter and really annoying him. Lupin couldn't know. He crossed his arms as he leaned against the wall once they both had emerged from the passageway and had climbed the stairs. He just listened to Draco who was still talking endlessly.
"In love, right, who does she think she is? She doesn't know how I feel, she doesn't know that I don't care and that- that I have nothing to tell her about it anyway! That's crazy! You talk to girls about one tiny thing in your life and they think they can start controlling it because they have your trust, so annoying, really!" He said, pacing up and down the room. "And the way she talks about it! You should see her, ugh, so irritating! "I see the way you're looking at her, I see what you do, I see everything, I am better than everyone because I'm Pansy Parkinson and I know what everyone think or do and-" shut up already!" He said after having stopped walking and talked with a more high-pitched voice, apparently imitating Pansy. He ended up kicking a broken chair, trying to let his frustration out.
"Now, now, Draco. Would she be like that if she didn't have any reason to be?" Lupin asked calmly, feeling a migraine coming. He was still staring at Draco who had started to walk again.
"I am not in love with Granger! What is wrong with you people?" Draco said angrily as he turned to face Lupin, frowning. This one smiled a little. How ironic the situation was, really.
"I didn't say you were," Lupin said, tilting his head. "But you might have acted in a way that made her think that."
He didn't know what Draco was feeling but he wasn't going to start to say that Pansy was right. If Lupin had to be honest, he'd rather have Draco being angry at her and not him.
"But I just talked to her!" Draco said, even if he knew that it was most unusual. Even if he knew the way he had talked to her. Even if he had tried to awkwardly flirt with her. He met Lupin's eyes and they stayed silent, staring at each other for a few seconds before Draco turned around. He walked towards the other end of the room and crossed his arms too. After a long minute, Lupin talked again.
"Again, I am not saying you do like her but... Why does it makes you so angry, especially if Pansy's wrong? What exactly would be wrong about her being right about your feelings?" Draco glanced at his professor as he narrowed his eyes. Lupin knew why. So, why was he asking?
"Please, you know exactly why it's wrong." Draco said a bit coldly.
"Ah, of course. But are you so clean yourself?" Lupin asked. This question took Draco by surprise and his heart skipped a beat. He gritted his teeth, staring at Lupin.
Lupin was an half-blood and altough some of his family members, such as his aunt, had a problem with half-blood wizards, Draco had none. In the beginning, his problem with Lupin, besides the fact that he was a werewolf, was the fact that he was poor and miserable. Now, he was fine with that too. The Malfoys never had any problem with marrying half-bloods if they really needed to, they weren't so much into inbreeding, unlike his mother's family. There were also half-bloods in Slytherin, so Draco was used to be around them. Still, Draco couldn't stop thinking about his own blood. He was still considered pure as long as he didn't have any Muggles as ancestors, he guessed, but he had changed the night he had been bitten, and he was always doubting his place in his own family.
"That's what I thought," Lupin said. "You don't even know what you are."
"I'm pure. I'm not like you. I'm not like- Granger. My ancestors-"
"It has nothing to do with your ancestors, at this point. The night you were bitten, your blood was contaminated. Magical ancestors or not, you're not the same as your father or as your mother."
"I'm still considered a pure-blood. It is enough."
"But it's killing you inside, isn't it?" Lupin said quietly. Draco clenched his jaw hard again, trying not to look down. "Knowing that it's not entirely true. That it's just the way strangers see you. How your own friends see you. And even if you doubt your own purity, you still claim that you are indeed pure. That your blood, mixed with the saliva of what you call a monster, which changed you, is still pure? I'm not trying to make you angry, Draco, and I am not trying to insult you in any way, I'm just trying to understand why you say that people who have not been bitten by anything are less pure than you are."
"It's not the same," Draco said in despair. "We're different. We're better. If you can't understand that, I don't want to talk to you about it."
"All I've got to say is that your blood is the same color as their blood. Same color, same consistency, it looks the same. It tastes the same. There's no difference."
"That's what you're telling yourself because-"
"Because I'm a half-blood. I couldn't care less."
"Well, I don't care about what you've got to say on the matter."
"That's because you're too stubborn to listen to anything. Think what you want, Draco," Lupin concluded. Of course, he didn't think Draco would change his mind. He didn't think he would listen to him, really. But he was hoping that it would make him think a little bit more, like he had been doing with the Boggart. At first, he had refused categorically to speak about it, then he had thought a bit more about the subject and he had come back to Lupin. Maybe the same would happen now. But for some reason, Lupin was also sure that Draco was even more sensitive about this new subject than he had been with the Boggart.
"I'm not filthy," Draco muttered, not looking at Lupin anymore.
"I never said your were."
"You implied it."
"And I never said you weren't worthy of your family anymore. I believe you actually are, or, knowing your mother's family, you would have been disowned already." He said, knowing how Sirius had been treated in the past. "I think you are really lucky, Draco," he added more quietly. Draco closed his eyes as his hands caressed his arms, which were still crossed.
"Talk about luck..."
.
The day after, really late, Draco left the hospital wing to go to his common room. Hermione hadn't come see him, this time, and Pansy hadn't either. Draco wondered if she had figured it out. He had slept all day long and was going to spend the night in his dorm to be able to follow his classes the next day. He knew that if he was waking up in the hospital, he wouldn't want to leave, he would sleep more instead. To avoid everyone, he had left really late, when most of the students had to be asleep. He walked towards the stoned wall and said the password, before he entered the common room, yawning.
He almost had an heart attack when he discovered Pansy, sitting on one of the couch. The fire was about to die but she didn't seem to care, she was looking at it like she was looking through it. Draco stopped in his track as he stared at her. She was a bit pale and seemed tired. She clenched her jaw and slowly, her look drifted towards Draco, but not on his face. She didn't say anything, so he took a few steps towards her.
"Pansy, what are you doing here?" He asked quietly.
"I couldn't sleep," she whispered as she looked away again. She seemed tense and Draco wondered if it was all his fault. If she had been waiting for him. If she hadn't been able to sleep because of what she had learnt. He didn't approach her more.
"Pans-"
"Don't."
His heart skipped a beat.
"I just-"
"I told you-" Pansy began, closing her eyes. Draco looked down, feeling like he was about to fall on his knees. "Don't."
"I'm sorry," he muttered, even if Pansy didn't want to hear him. She gritted her teeth even harder as her hands turned into fists on her legs. Draco noticed that her voice was trembling when she started to speak again.
"I was worrying sick... All this time... Wondering what you had, wondering... If you would die some day because of that," she said, not very loud. Still, Draco could hear every single word. The sounds coming from her mouth were the only things he could actually hear. He couldn't hear the fire dying, he couldn't hear the lake near the dungeons. He wasn't cold, his body was burning. "I even thought you were cursed for a while. Then you told me what happened and now, I find out that... You're a-"
She didn't finish her sentence. Draco looked up as she closed her eyes again and she made a face. Draco felt like his body was hurting all over as he saw her.
"I'm not- I..." He tried to say before he swallowed his spit with difficutly. "I'm not dangerous..." He whispered. Pansy smiled to contain her tears as she put a hand on her face. Draco narrowed his eyes. Was she shaking? She stood up and crossed her arms, facing the fire, not Draco. She still hadn't looked at him once. "Pansy, please, listen to me, I can- I can explain..."
"There's nothing to explain," she said, her voice a bit more steady. Draco didn't dare moving, he stood there, feeling a shiver going down his spine. "Look, I... I know it's probably not your fault," she said and Draco stupidly nodded. Good, so she was understanding. "But... It's..."
Oh, so she wasn't understanding. Draco swallowed again before he took another step towards her.
"How can you say that you're not... dangerous?" She asked. Draco bit his lower lip. "Don't lie to me, Draco, I am sick and tired of your lies."
"I'm not- I... I didn't lie to you, I couldn't tell you, it's different!" He said. Pansy turned her head a bit, but didn't face him.
"I asked you a question," she said a bit coldly.
"I... Snape, he's..." He took a deep breath. "He's making Wolfsbane Potion every month for me and... It helps and... I don't stay in the grounds when it happens, I'm far away, I can't h-" he stopped again. He took a second before, more quietly, he whispered, "Hurt you..." He couldn't face all of this, this was too big for him. He should have known. He should have known since the beginning that it was a really bad idea. He wanted to kill Lupin, making him have this kind of ideas in his head. Talking to a friend, what a joke. But in the end, Draco knew that it wasn't really Lupin's fault. He had never suggested that he should talk to someone about it, he had just explained how it had been for him. And if Draco hadn't really wanted one of the closest person he knew to know his secret, he wouldn't have told her.
He wouldn't have told her.
"Pansy, you promised me that you wouldn't-"
"I didn't know back then!" She said as she finally turned around. But as soon as she met Draco's eyes, she looked away again, making the situation even more painful for the both of them.
"So is this how it works? You didn't know so you can break your promise, so it makes it ok?" Draco asked quickly, suddenly pissed. Pansy looked down.
"You need to understand-"
"I do, Pansy, I do understand perfectly! What do you think, that I'm happy? That I'm pleased with the situation?"
"I didn't say that!"
"So what? You think that I've had fun hiding this from you? Why do you think I told you about it? I thought I could trust you, I thought you could know, I thought you wouldn't-"
Again, there was a long silence. They weren't looking at each other anymore.
"I need some time to think about it, it's- it's too... Soon."
"I'll remember that the next time you'll have to confide in someone, don't worry," Draco said as he turned around. He knew her biggest secret, and he had never told anyone about it. He had never made fun of her. He knew other things too, but he would never betray her. And at the same time, he knew that he couldn't really blame her.
"This is not the same Draco and you know it! I'm not a were-" Again, she couldn't say it.
"Why don't you say it, am I that horrible? You've known me for three years now, you know that I've never hurt a soul, you know that I wouldn't, you know that- I thought you knew... If I were to do bad things, I would have done them by now. I thought you were smarter than that. But no, you're just... Well, I don't know what I expected, really."
"Draco..."
"How foolish of me to think that maybe, just maybe," he said as he started to walk towards her again. "You might still be there for me. Now I bet you can't wait to tell everyone, I bet you can't wait to see me leave the only place I could come to be like everyone!" He was still walking towards her and, despite herself, Pansy took a step back.
"You know that I'm not going to tell anyone," Pansy almost muttered, finally meeting his eyes. "You know that I wouldn't. Never."
"No, I don't know, Pansy, because I thought I knew you, I thought I knew that you were always keeping your promises. Guess I was wrong, well, wouldn't be the first time, huh?" He finally stopped in front of her. "What do you think? Really, what do you think of me? That I'm disgusting? That I'm a monster? A terrifying beast? Well, you wanna know something, Pansy? I was terrified myself. I was nine, Pansy, I was fucking nine, do you think I planned it all? Do you think I- I- that I jumped in his filthy mouth? Do you think it didn't hurt like hell, do you think I wasn't afraid? That I didn't want to die?"
"Dr-"
"Because I wanted to die, I didn't want to live like that. But, again, stupidly enough, I also wanted to live, in a way, yeah, but as the heir I was supposed to be. We don't have everything we want, do we? Too bad my parents love me, isn't it? Too bad they saved me, isn't it?"
Pansy was on the verge of tears, and so was Draco. He clenched his jaw hard as he tried to hold them back.
"So, what do you think of me?" He asked again. Then, he saw a tear rolling down Pansy's cheek. She wasn't answering, she was at a loss for words. "I am sick of you people!" He added vehemently. It was the worst year he had spent in this stupid castle. He was sick of them blaming him, of them telling him what to do, he was just tired of everything.
"Stop, Draco, please..." She muttered. Draco looked down, not able to take any more deep breaths.
"Fine. I... I'll stop. I'll stay away from you. If that's what you want. I'll stay away and... You'll be safe, huh?" He said bitterly. He took his time to stare at Pansy's face, knowing it would probably be the last time he would see it this close. And sadly, he would remember her crying and shaking, her hand in front of her mouth to keep her sobs inside. Then, he turned around and walked towards the boy's side of the dorms. "You'll be safe, not around a psycho anymore," he muttered as he let Pansy alone, the fire finally out in the fireplace, the common room being lighted only by the moonlight.
He didn't see, he couldn't see how worried she was for him. And he didn't know how she didn't want anything to change. But she couldn't help it, how was she supposed to react? Maybe she could have been supportive. But could she be supportive of that? She just wanted some time to think about it. But everything was ruined. She should have stayed in her bed, even if she wasn't sleeping. She should have thought about it even more than she had during the day. And then she should have had a calm conversation with Draco. Instead, she had hurt him. Neither of them slept that night.