It was the end of October and Draco had to say, the last two months had gone by pretty smoothly after what had happened with Moody and the conversation he had had with Potter. Mainly, he was trying to stay away from Weasley and him, he really wasn't in the mood to make fun of them. He wanted this year to be better than the last one and to do that, he wanted to focus on his school work to make his parents proud, on Hermione, with who he really didn't want to argue because of her stupid friends, and on Pansy. Maybe even on Snape. Like he had promised to Lupin, he would keep what was making him happy around him, and just avoid the rest.
Speaking of Lupin, he finally had to return to the Shrieking Shack back in September, like he had said the day he had given Hermione her birthday gift. They had quickly seen each other the day before because she really wanted to see him to know how he was holding up. He had been exhausted so instead of going inside the Clock Tower, they had met near the dungeons, in a desert hallway, long after the feast because most students were in their common room at the time. She didn't want Draco to climb all the way to the fourth floor to go to the library or up the Tower, so they hadn't been very careful. They had talked a little, laughed between kisses, held each other for the first time directly in the corridors. And then they had heard footsteps and they had to let some distance between them, breaking their kiss just before Luna arrived in the hallway. They were ready to act like they were arguing if they had to, really. They were ready to pretend, but Draco didn't say anything. He stared at Luna, looking a bit surprised. Hermione didn't know why Draco seemed to be uncomfortable, suddenly, and thought it was just because they had almost been caught.
"Hi, Draco," Luna said with a little smile as she stopped in her track. She looked at Hermione before she met Draco's eyes again. "How was your summer?" Draco cleared his throat.
"Good. It was good," he said, not asking about hers. Hermione kept looking at the girl, noticing her weird necklace. She also noticed her wand that she was keeping behind her left ear. She was holding a magazine close to her chest but she couldn't tell which one it was. Luna moved a strand of her dirty blonde hair behind her right ear as she kept staring at Draco.
"Mine was too. Me and Dad went to look for Crumple-Horned Snorkacks," she said, still smiling softly.
"C-Crumple- Did you manage to find any?" Draco asked as he hid his hands deep in his pockets, glancing at Hermione. He knew he probably just had to pretend to know what it was if he wanted her to leave at some point. Hermione had joined her hands behind her back, still embarrassed, leaning against the wall. She shared Draco's look and he gave her a strained and discreet smile, like he was apologizing.
"No," Luna sighed. "But we will eventually," she then said before she glanced at Hermione. It looked like she understood something, perhaps that she was interrupting something, and she looked at Draco again. "You should get some rest, you look tired," she said to him before she started to walk again, going past them.
Hermione and Draco stayed silent until she had left, and even a few seconds after, still feeling a bit unsettled.
"Who is she?" Hermione asked quietly. She didn't recall having ever met this girl. She was sure she wasn't a fourth year and she looked at Draco who shrugged as he approached her again.
"I've talked to her once last year, that's it. Her name's Luna Lovegood, she's a third year," he explained.
"She seems... nice," Hermione said, not knowing what to say about her.
"A bit weird, isn't she? But not so bad, I guess." Weird was the only word he thought was fitting her perfectly. "Everyone says she's crazy. They call her Loony Lovegood," he said and he looked at the end of the hallway again. "I already saw some of them laugh at her..."
Hermione kept looking at Draco for a few seconds before she looked at her hands as she played with the edges of his cloak.
"Did you ever make fun of her too?" Draco frowned a little, amused, as he looked at Hermione.
"What's this question? Why would I do that?" Hermione tilted her head with an expression clearly screaming "please".
"I saw you throwing snowballs at a first year with Crabbe and Goyle last year, just for the fun of it, so you tell me," she said and Draco smirked.
"That's when I was young and stupid."
"But you're a new man, now, aren't you? You wouldn't do that again, is that what you're saying?" She asked playfully and Draco tried not to laugh. He would do that again if he wanted to, it was funny.
"Who knows, I'm full of surprises," Draco replied and Hermione chuckled, shaking her head. "Besides, I wouldn't throw snowballs at her. Like I said, she's a nice girl, not mean with me..." He said more quietly. Hermione doubted Draco needed this kind of reason to bully other students. She was not ok with that but she had to accept the fact that she wouldn't be able to change this side of his personality like that. He was already making a lot of efforts, she thought, and it was enough for now. She didn't want him to become another person just because they were dating, even though there were things she wasn't agreeing with.
"Why would she be, besides the obvious reasons?" Draco smirked and poked his girlfriend in the ribs. She giggled as she got a bit closer and he passed his arms around her waist.
"She knows about me," he said and Hermione stopped laughing, raising her eyebrows. "Don't look at me like that, I didn't tell her!" Hermione smiled a little.
"I didn't say you did but... How do you know?"
"She told me. Very casually," Draco said, looking at the wall behind Hermione, lost in his head as he thought about the conversation they had had together near the Thestrals. "But she doesn't mind at all, so..."
"She won't tell anyone, right?" Hermione asked, passing her arms behind Draco's neck and he shook his head to answer.
"But, you know... I'm not sure she's got anyone to tell it to," he said.
.
And then, the next day, he had left the castle to go to the Shrieking Shack after having spent most of the day in the common room. He had gone to Snape's office for the potion, like he had done all week, and as he handed him the cup back, he had muttered a demand.
"Would you mind walking with me?"
He hadn't been able to stop himself and before he knew it, he was walking outside of the castle with his professor. They didn't really talk but they looked at each other before Draco entered the passage. They were both about to say something but it seemed like they had changed their mind and Draco went in, not looking behind him. He had walked in the long passage, tired. It seemed like it would never end, like he would never arrive at the house.
With Lupin, almost every cycle, it had seemed to be so much shorter. And finally, he went in. It had been really weird. Everything was the same, and at the same time, so different. He had sat on the mattress Lupin used to sleep on and he had looked around. He could make out some footprints that seemed to belong to a dog, some blood too. Lupin hadn't told him exactly what had happened the night they had fought, but he knew it was from that time. He also spotted a wrapper from one of Lupin's many chocolate bars. It was probably the worst thing.
Being back there, he could deal with it. But that wrapper was simply a proof that Lupin had been there with him for a while. That they had shared this place, shared things he wouldn't share with anyone else. And at the same time, he felt like he had shared way more about himself than Lupin had ever done. Maybe because he had been too focused on himself to care at the time, or maybe because of what Snape had told him, maybe because Lupin had explained that it was true, in his last letter. That Draco was right, but that it was true.
And he had felt like he had been missing on so many things, on so many conversations they could have had. Real conversation, not simple letters. And there, in the Shrieking Shack, he suddenly craved his presence. Way more than he had when Moody had made his entrance in the castle, way more than he had during the summer, way more than he had the day after Lupin had left. Because he had had the time to get used to his absence, he had had the time to get used to the feeling that had grown inside of him because of his absence. And realizing that he would probably always feel like that was worse than realizing he was alone in the hospital because his friend had left him.
But he didn't talk about it to Pansy, to Snape or to Hermione. He came back in class two days later, after having slept in the hospital most of the time and he had acted like everything was fine. And when Hermione had checked on him, he had told her that he was feeling fine. He had acted like the new injuries on his skin weren't existing and he had smiled at her. Because she didn't deserve to be worried all the time because of him, and he probably didn't deserve so much attention. He thought that she was better off worrying for her classes instead, because they had way more work than the year before.
And there he was again, at the end of October, waking up in that place, on the old mattress. He felt like staying there for a while. He didn't want to walk in the castle, hoping no one would cross his path. He didn't really want to go to the hospital wing to sleep during hours, to waste his time there because he was exhausted. He didn't want that smelly mixture on the wound he had on his chest and he didn't want to think about the night he would spend in the common room to catch up on his work. But he stood up anyway and he got dressed before he left the Shrieking Shack.
He emerged from the passage way later. The light coming from the sun made him close his eyes. He was used to the darkness of the passage and he blinked a few times before looking around. No one there. He slowly got out, wincing as he felt the cut on his chest burning him. But it wasn't as bad as the ones he had got in the Forest before the summer. He looked up at the castle. He just needed to walk a little bit more and he would be able to rest...
As he got closer, he could make out the front steps and, sitting on them, someone. He narrowed his eyes before he checked that his shirt was totally buttoned. He had his tie in his hands as well as his sweater and he didn't know if he should put it on. But the blood on his skin was dry and his shirt wasn't dirty, so he let it go as he recognized the blonde girl. He sighed.
She seemed to be busy with some small rocks. Draco raised an eyebrow and she looked up as he approached. She tilted her head.
"Good morning, Draco," she said. He nodded, not exactly in the mood to talk. "Long night?" And he shrugged as he glanced at her hands once in front of her. She was painting with a thin paintbrush. Some water was next to her in a small bowl, as well as her colors. "Why don't you sit down?" She asked, still staring at him. He met her eyes and cleared his throat before he glanced at the castle.
"What are you doing here this early?" He asked, still looking at the open doors.
"I'm painting," she simply said, stating the obvious, as she focused on her rocks again. Draco glanced at them. They were next to her, some were totally clean and some had different colors on them, but he couldn't tell what were the drawings just yet. So, he approached a bit more and felt like sitting was actually a good idea, his head was spinning because of the tiredness. He took one of the rocks she had painted and looked at it for a few seconds, recognizing a unicorn.
"It's... well done," he simply said as he placed the rock on the step again before she looked at the one she was actually painting. It was a dark sky with stars and, apparently, she was doing the moon.
"Thank you, that's very nice of you to say," she said and Draco smiled a little. She had paint all over her hands and she looked at what she was doing for a while. "You can try, if you want," she added as she took one of the clean rock and handed it to him.
"I'm not... really..." He said hesitantly, looking at the rock.
"It's alright, you don't have to. But here, keep it," she said and again, he smiled a little as he took the rock.
"You're everywhere I go, aren't you?" He then said.
"Maybe it's you," she said conversationally, "Maybe you are everywhere I go. But it's fine, I don't mind." Draco almost let out a "a chance you aren't, then" but he wondered if she would get the sarcasm. Instead, he chuckled and looked at his rock before he glanced at the colors next to him.
"Maybe it's me, yeah..."
And that was it for a moment. He didn't know what to tell her, because he wasn't sure he wanted to talk to her.
"Dad likes when I paint. He lets me paint everywhere in the house," she explained. "How is your house?"
Draco looked down at the rocks for a moment and wondered if there were as many colors as there was on those stones in her house. She was living in another world but had proven that she could understand him in a few different ways. Maybe that's why he was so uncomfortable when she was around.
"Big... Comfortable and big," he simply said after a few seconds of reflexion. There was a lot of windows, so there was a lot of light but at the same time, it often seemed like a dark place. Maybe because of the decoration. But Draco liked that.
"So there must be plenty of space to paint," Luna said dreamily and Draco smirked as he glanced at her. Then, he moved one of his hand, dipping his pinky finger in the black paint before he took care of his rock. "You should paint what you like. Our home always makes Dad and me smile."
"I can't paint on the walls of the Manor," he said, smiling a little at the thought. But he had done it already. But it hadn't been paint, and it wasn't visible for anyone but himself. Well, also for his parents, obviously, but they weren't talking about it. Still, one day, when he had gone down there, he had seen some drawings that had been added on the wall by someone else, near his own stupid little drawings. He had recognized his mother's drawings of the stars, the constellations, but he didn't know if she was the one who had put them there. The next day, when he had come in the dinning room, his father had looked curiously at him and he understood, and he had been touched. No, they never talked about it, they didn't need to, but it had made Draco feel good and he was sure his father knew that. "I can't really paint anyway, I don't have the talent."
"You can do whatever you want if it pleases you," she said and Draco looked at her before rinsing his finger in the water, turning his rock over. He wiped his finger on his trousers before taking a second paintbrush that was next to Luna and he chose another color. "As long as it makes you feel good, why shouldn't you be choosing what to do? Mom always told me it was important to do what I like, whatever people might think."
Draco stopped what he was doing, turning his head to look at Luna. He examined her face for almost a minute. She didn't mind, she didn't even show that she had noticed and she kept painting.
It was easy for her to say. They weren't coming from the same environment and were clearly not leading the same kind of life. But he thought about how nice it would be if people knew everything. If he was free to do whatever he wanted because he would have nothing to lose anymore and he wouldn't be caring about what people might think anymore. He probably wouldn't be able to do too much, though, since the other students would probably want him out of the school and he wouldn't be able to go everywhere he wanted to. Few people were accepting werewolves around. But he wouldn't have to care about hiding his relationship, because he wouldn't mind what the other Slytherins might think, say or do to him. He wouldn't care about the influence Potter and Weasley might have on Hermione. Because he was often thinking about it, and he was often telling himself that they might try to pressure her to make her dump him or something. But he couldn't face this kind of things just yet.
They had been dating for four months but he didn't feel like he was ready. It wasn't because, like Potter had said, he was ashamed of his actions. And at the time, Scarhead was only speaking about them talking together. If he knew the truth...
No, Draco wasn't ashamed of dating Hermione. If anything, he had to be proud. She was incredibly smart, pretty, nice, understanding, supportive, curious, passionate... She was making him feel better about himself and had stolen his heart with a few "civilized conversation" and a few smiles. He could talk about her qualities for hours. And he could say that he wasn't ashamed, at least in his head. But he was too cowardly to tell anyone. And even that, Hermione understood.
"You're nice, Luna," Draco said and the girl finally looked at him, giving him a smile. It was a bit different than the ones she had already given him and he knew that she was somehow touched. Maybe because she didn't have any friends. Maybe because she wasn't used to hear that.
"And you're nicer than the first time we talked," she said. Draco chuckled and nodded before he focused on his rock again. They didn't talk anymore, they stayed silent and painted. Draco only spoke again once he was done with his rock.
"I really should go get some rest. You're right, I'm tired," he said, referring to the moment she had spoken to him in front of Hermione, a month before.
"Yes, you do look terrible," she said without even looking at him, still painting. Again, he wanted to laugh but he only smiled weakly before he handed her the rock.
"Here, take it back," he said. She took the time to rinse her paintbrush and put it next to her before she looked at the stone. "You can keep it. It's for you."
She took it between her colored fingers and examined what Draco had painted. He had done the opposite of her. A bright blue sky with no clouds and a shining sun.
"It's really nice of you," she said, smiling at him before she handed him her own rock. "And I think this is for you." He looked at the night sky she had painted, stared at the moon for a second before he accepted the gift and he stood up. "We should do this more often," she added, still looking at the rock he had given him. He didn't answer, he simply climbed the steps to go in the castle. During this time, Luna turned the rock over to discover what he had done with the black paint. Only two dots and a curved line, like the rock had eyes and was smiling at her.
.
Draco opened his eyes, taking a long breath as he blinked. He could hear someone talking next to him, not minding how loud, like they wanted to wake him up on purpose. He moved a little under the covers and when he tried to pull them to cover his head, he realized that they were stuck. He frowned and slowly turned his body, realizing than Pansy was almost laying on his mattress, right next to him.
She had taken a pillow from another bed and had settled herself there, apparently talking alone.
"What the hell?" Draco mumbled as he straightened a little, feeling the cut on his chest stinging a little.
"Morning, Sunshine," Pansy said as she smiled at him. Draco frowned and turned his head, looking at the windows. It didn't seem to be the morning at all. "I know, it's the evening... Professor Snape told me to come and get you," she said.
"Come and get me?" This was too much information for his still asleep brain.
"The other schools are arriving today, don't you remember? Big event and stuff... We spent the entire month preparing for it... Surprising," she said as she met his eyes and he narrowed them, not liking the way she was teasing him. She knew he had to take his time to clear his mind when waking up. And it was coming back to him. The evening before, he had told Snape that he wanted to be there for the feast when he went in his office to take the potion. Even if he was tired, he really wanted to be there and, a bit reluctantly, Snape had agreed. They already had to miss half the Double Potions class they had at the end of the day and apparently, Snape had let Pansy skip the whole class to come and make sure Draco would be there.
"So, let me get this straight... You came here and started talking alone in order to wake me up?" He asked as he sat properly.
"Well, I tried to wake you up but you wouldn't open your eyes," she said, her eyes slowly going down on his chest. He had his pajamas on but she could see the bands under his shirt. "I thought that I might as well talk to somebody who's listening... Even Madam Pomfrey stopped trying to make me shut up..." She explained, speaking a bit lower. Embarrassed, Draco put his pillow behind his back before leaning against it.
"I guess that makes sense..." He said, staring at Pansy, barely aware of what she had told him. She stopped looking at his chest and met his eyes again.
"I'm sorry..." She almost whispered. "Does it hurt really bad?" He shrugged.
"I've had worse, you know it."
She pursed her lips and they kept looking at each other for a few seconds before she decided it was enough. She turned her head, taking something on the bedside table.
"Here," she said as she handed him chocolate. He couldn't help but chuckle. She had done the same the month before. As well as during the summer. She had come at the Manor a few times, it had become a habit since their second year, and she had brought him chocolate every time, just like she had said she would before the holidays.
He took the chocolate, removed a part of the wrapper and cut it in half, sharing with his friend. "So, when did you tell dear Severus that I knew?" She asked, trying to change the subject.
"Last night," Draco said before taking a bite of his chocolate. "I told him I wanted to be there for the feast, and not be stuck here... Can you imagine? He knows I've been waiting for this for months, since Father told me about the tournament. Didn't really want to let me out but I know how to make him agree," Draco said as he smirked. "So, anyway, I told him that maybe he could send you here, since he's giving Potions right now. Told him you knew, told him it was alright. Is there a problem with that?"
"Nah, not at all," Pansy said as she shrugged. "I was just curious. Does it mean you two are... Talking again?" Draco grimaced. Pansy had expected that. It was a rather sensitive subject.
"Kind of," Draco said as he shrugged again, clearly not wanting to talk about it too much. "We sorted a few things out, but I'm still mad. So he has to deal with it."
"Alright, one last question," Pansy said and Draco sighed, looking at her as he bit in his chocolate again. "What the hell is this?"
He laughed again as he saw that she was taking the rock he had put on the bedside table.
"Don't touch that, it's a gift and it's mine," he said as he took it from her hands.
"From who? You don't have friends who would make you gifts like that," she said as she frowned a little. Draco raised an eyebrow.
"That's... Delicate, thank you," he said and Pansy chuckled.
"You know that's not what I mean. But... I don't see Crabbe or Goyle giving you this and you being so protective of it." Draco laughed quietly at the thought and he shook his head.
"I'm not telling," he said.
"Secret admirer, maybe? Don't tell me it's Granger?" Pansy said as she grimaced. Draco rolled his eyes.
"No, it's not Granger, Panse, why would she give me something like that? No, it's... kind of a new friend," he said.
"A new friend? And I don't know about this new friend?" Pansy asked, not liking being put aside. Draco was always telling her basically everything about everyone and the stuff that was happening in his life, even more since she knew his biggest secret.
"I said "kind of a new friend", I didn't say we were best pals, Panse. Don't worry, you're still number one in my heart. Don't get jealous over a rock," he said jokingly before he got up. He was still tired but definitely ready to see the other schools coming.
.
"Harry Potter."
They all looked at the boy. The Great Hall was silent, even if it had been filled by the cheers of the students a few seconds before.
Of course, he had to ruin it. He couldn't help it, could he? Pansy exchanged a disgusted look with Draco. They had had a really good time since the arrival of the other schools. The evening before, Durmstrang even sat with them and they both had the occasion to talk with Krum and some other students. Draco was very excited about it, after having seen him during the World Cup. And that day, as they were celebrating Halloween and discovering the name of the champions, Potter had to be chosen too. Obviously.
"He's a cheat," Pansy whispered as she shook her head and Draco kept staring at Potter. Next to him were Ron and Hermione, who were looking as taken aback as the rest of the school and Draco wondered if it was genuine. Surely, Potter would have talked about it to his best friends if he had planned on participating. A moment later, Hermione was pushing him to make him leave the table, Dumbledore calling him again. The celebrations didn't last as long as they should have, that night.
And during the next few days, Draco really tried hard not to make fun of him but he couldn't help it. He had to make some remarks, just to annoy him. He had noticed that he wasn't talking to Ron anymore and unfortunately, he was spending most of his time with Hermione because of that. Which meant Draco couldn't see her much anymore. Frustrated, he was taking it out on Harry. It was easy, natural, everyone was used to it. But he had to say, it was even funnier because everyone was sharing his opinion.
.
"Even Ron is ignoring him..." Hermione sighed after a few minutes already spent with Draco in the Clock Tower. "I can't believe it, he didn't ask for this."
"And still, he was chosen for the tournament. Seems like he really doesn't have any luck, does he?" Draco said sarcastically as he kept his eyes fixed on what he was doing. Hermione frowned a little.
"Come on, Draco. I know you think you are really funny when you mock him but don't tell me you truly believe he did this behind our backs?" Draco shrugged. "How could he possibly have done that? Dumbledore created the age line, he wouldn't have been able to put his name in the Goblet of Fire!"
"I don't know, maybe he found a way around it. He's apparently such a great wizard," he said, morose.
"I doubt it, frankly, even Fred and George couldn't."
"They tried with a stupid Aging Potion, of course it didn't work. You said yourself that it was stupid," Draco said as he rolled his eyes.
"What is it with you today?" Hermione asked. His mood was reminding her of the one he often had when a cycle was approaching but the thing was; the next full moon wasn't approaching yet. And she knew it wasn't just "today", he had been in a bad mood for quite some time now. And he wouldn't let her see what he was doing, she just knew he had bought a lot of badges and that he was working on them. He shrugged.
"There's nothing with me, it's just annoying, it's all."
"Is that all that there is, really?" Hermione asked, narrowing her eyes. He glanced at her and shrugged again.
"Yeah." This time, she raised an eyebrow.
"I can leave if I'm bothering you," she said shortly. Draco closed his eyes as he sighed before he leaned against the wall, shaking his head as he looked at the badge between his fingers.
"Nah, don't leave. I don't want you to. It's just... It's nothing... It's stupid."
"Why would it be?"
"Because you're going to make fun of me."
"Come on, I'm not going to make fun of you, why would I?" Hermione asked with a little smile. She was already reassured a little, in a way. It meant that she wasn't bothering him.
"It's... I can barely spend time with you because of all of this!" He finally let out, still staring at his badge as he felt his cheeks becoming a bit warmer. "It's unfair. Just because he doesn't have any friends... It doesn't mean he can keep you for himself..." He said, this time looking away. Hermione smiled a little and tried not to laugh. She didn't want to make fun of him, that wasn't the reason she was amused. "And when you're not with him, and that you're in the library, I can't even come and see you because we're never alone! When there's no other students, there's Krum and his fans. What's he doing there anyway? Doesn't seem like he reads a lot, that bloke... Even Potter's hanging out there with you now, because he doesn't want to be alone..." Draco mumbled. Hermione's smile became a bit bigger and it annoyed Draco when he glanced at her. "Don't-! It's not funny, I told you!"
"I don't think it's funny, Draco!" Hermione said as she finally let out a little laugh. He frowned as he met her eyes, not convinced. Hermione smiled at him as she put her hand on his wrist. "I think it's sweet, actually."
"There's nothing sweet about it, really," Draco said as he grimaced, looking away again. He couldn't even figure out exactly why he was so angry about all of this. He knew what jealousy was, of course, but he wasn't jealous of Potter, he was just really annoyed because he couldn't spend time with her. And in the end, maybe he was just angry at himself.
It was his fault if they were keeping their relationship secret. If he could bring himself to show everyone what he was feeling, it wouldn't have to be this way. But he wanted to put the blame on everything but himself. On Potter, because the only friend he got left was Hermione, on Viktor because he had all those students following him around and they were in the library every time Hermione was there. But he would never claim that it was because he was too cowardly.
"It's ridiculous."
"It's not, trust me... I've been wanting to spend more time with you too. It's difficult, I know, there's a lot going on..."
"Why don't you do your homework here with me?" He asked, looking at her again as he straightened up a little. "You're not forced to spend your time in the library, you could do it here. You told me that those girls were annoying anyway, because they make noise and they really are ridiculous. Come here instead... Come on," Draco said and Hermione couldn't help but slowly run her fingers trough his hair, near his ear, before moving her hand down on his cheek. Draco pouted and crossed his arms as he turned his head to make her stop. "I guess that's a no, then."
"Don't be like that... It will change, but I can't spend my time here... I'm trying to help Harry figure out what the first task will be and he needs to be prepared. It's dangerous, people died in this tournament."
"Yeah, well, if you want my opinion, he's not going to last more than ten minutes. And so my father thinks. Actually, he thinks he's not going to last five. Can't wait to see that happen," he mumbled.
"Draco..."
"I bet he's liking the attention... He's already in the paper," he kept on going, taking the newspaper that was next to him without even looking at it, letting it fall in front of Hermione.
"Stop that," Hermione said reproachfully. "I told you, he didn't ask for it." Draco rolled his eyes, still not looking at her. Hermione sighed. "I want to spend more time with you too, Draco, but... You know how it is. If you want it to stay secret, we will have to manage," she muttered. Draco looked down. Even if he was trying not to think about it, he knew that it was also a lot of pressure on Hermione's shoulders. She was lying to her friends, they were acting like nothing was going on, taking their friends for fools, and they were hiding. They couldn't even talk to each other in public, not look at each other or smile at each other.
"I hope they will get over it soon," he said quietly.
"You only say that for yourself, not because you care about their friendship," Hermione noted with a sad smile.
"Why would I care about them when I only care about you?" Draco let out without thinking, staring at the badge he was still making turn between his fingers. Hermione blinked and opened her mouth but he kept on going. "I don't need you to tell me I'm selfish," Draco said and Hermione pursed her lips. "I know I am," he added as he shrugged. Like his father had said, they were all selfish, in a way. "But I want that for us, not only for me, in the end. What is so wrong about that?"
He frowned, trying himself to find the right answer to this question in his head. Hermione didn't say anything but after a few seconds of silence, he felt her hand on his and he couldn't help but interlace their fingers, even if he was annoyed. They both pressed their hands to reassure each other and finally, Draco looked at her.
"I'm sorry... I'm just tired, I'm..." He said before he looked down. "You know I'm not ready for that yet. And I shouldn't complain because it's my fault..."
"It's fine, I guess, I'm used to hear people complaining. When it's not you, it's Harry and when it's not him, it's Ron." Draco grimaced, not liking the comparison. But she was right, they were all giving her a hard time. They stayed silent for a few seconds as Draco looked down again. He didn't really have the right to complain to her about that and he knew it, but he couldn't help it. "It's just... Harder than we thought it would be. But look at us... I know, you might say it's only been four months... And at the same time, yeah, it's been four months. And we're still here, and it's sad we're not able to see each other somewhere else but... We're still here, together."
Their eyes met again and Hermione gave him a sad smile. Draco didn't really react, he just looked at her for a moment before turning his head again.
"I'm sorry..." He repeated and Hermione smiled, sitting closer to him. She leaned against him, letting her head rest against his shoulder.
"It's alright. I understand, you know. I feel the same way..." She said more quietly. "I only have friendships at stake, if I think about it, but... Those are precious and I don't want to lose them. Even if you have more to lose... I understand." Draco sighed.
"Did you really need to choose me? Over all the students? Look at you now, hiding, lying to your friends, going out with the guy they hate... Must be so much pressure. I hide it to keep... privileges..." He almost whispered. Even if she hadn't said it, he wanted to say that she was right, that he was selfish. He didn't want to risk losing his friends, he didn't want to risk having almost his whole House hating him, he didn't want to be treated like Theodore was treated, like she had been treated in the past... by him.
He didn't feel like it was right. He felt like he was hurting her more than anything. Like Potter had said. Even if the cause of the problem wasn't shame, but cowardice, in the end, he was hurting her in the process. He wanted to apologize again but before he could, he heard her whisper.
"You really are an idiot," she said before she raised her head, looking at him. Draco turned his head and met her eyes, narrowing his own a little. "I didn't choose you. It doesn't work that way or... I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have chosen me." He felt her grip on his hand becoming a bit tighter but he didn't react, he kept staring. "It just happened. And... I'm glad it did, I'm glad it's still happening and I don't want it to stop... So what if we need to work hard to make it work? Isn't it worth it? I think it is."