AN: Here we are, another self-indulgent chapter here.
I'm glad to see that some of you are enjoying this. It's exciting that you like my silly and self-indulgent fluff.
I'll give you some warning that there's some mention of Ed here and some mention of abuse. It's not very explicit, but the warning is there for those who need it. It's discussion of Ed and all that entails.
I hope that you enjoy the chapter! Let me know what you think!
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When Carol had first found out that she was expecting Sophia, Ed had been surprisingly doting. The abuse to which she'd grown accustomed had almost stopped entirely. It seemed that being a father was something that Ed had desired. At that point in her marriage, Carol was already pretty much isolated from everyone she'd ever known. She rarely saw her family, and even those rare visits were limited to spending time with those who knew better than to say anything about Ed's mistreatment. Carol had certainly had no girlfriend with which to share the good news, and there hadn't been anyone that was really interested in celebrating the arrival of her child. There had been occasion for her to tell the people at Ed's office that she was expecting, but honestly it had been Ed that had made the announcement to them. After all, it really was his place to make the announcement, and she and wanted to give him anything that would make him happy. When Ed was happy, Carol was allowed to remain calm and unconcerned. Throughout her pregnancy, Ed had fallen victim to the occasional paranoid concern that the child wasn't his. The accusation was completely unfounded, of course, but when it entered his mind, Ed seemed unable to fight it or to believe Carol. When those paranoid thoughts entered Ed's mind, his anger would boil back up and he would forget his devotion to the child that Carol was carrying. Those were the times when Carol worried—as any mother would and for the first time as a mother—for the well-being of her child. Ed had been relatively good to her, though. While she'd been pregnant, he'd never hit her in the stomach, and he'd never thrown her down. Even in his rages, he seemed willing to protect the child that she was carrying to some degree. Carol couldn't exactly say that Ed had ever loved his daughter, but he had held some affection for her—at least until she'd been born.
Something and changed entirely in the hospital. Maybe it was the fact that Sophia was a bouncing baby girl and not the son that Ed had had hoped for. Maybe it was the fact that Sophia resembled Carol a great deal more than she resembled Ed and, therefore, he was still in possession of some ammunition to fuel the paranoid belief that Carol had cheated on him and that Sophia wasn't his daughter. Whatever the real underlying reason, Ed had blamed most of his anger on the financial side of things. Having a child was expensive, and Ed hated expensive things. He especially hated expensive things when they weren't for him, and he seemed to believe that this child—a child that he wasn't sure he wanted any longer—was not at all for him. Almost as soon as they had come home from the hospital, the hands-off policy that he had had adopted while Carol was pregnant went out the window. He'd hardly waited for her to put down the car seat with their brand new baby girl before he'd landed her a hard smack across the cheek for something he'd said that she'd said or done in the hospital. Carol didn't remember what it had been now, and it didn't matter. Like most of her transgressions, it was probably a creation of Ed's mind. Ed had never put his hands on Sophia, but Carol knew it was really only a matter of time.
By the time they made it to the rock quarry outside of Atlanta with the rest of the group, Carol could feel the tension in the air. Ed was just biding his time. He was becoming nervous about rations. He was becoming nervous about everything. The paranoia that always seemed to be at play in Ed's mind was growing worse, and he seemed certain that the only way that they would survive was if they were able to get rid of everyone else. They needed to get rid of the baggage. Carol knew that what he really meant was that he was concerned with his own survival. Whether or not Carol survived was truly of very little concern. She was good for a fuck, and she was good to feed him, but other than that she really meant very little to Ed. Sophia meant even less to him. Shortly before he died, Ed had begun to think about the fact that Sophia was a risk for all of them. It hadn't been too hard for him to decide that, especially since everyone in camp had been mumbling about their concerns regarding Carol's baby. She was an inconvenience and a risk. The grumbling of the others had gotten Ed started, though, and he'd begun to come to the conclusion that Sophia was just another mouth to feed and that she was a threat to them all because Walkers might hear her when she cried.
Ed had started to think that it might simply be better to do away with Sophia, and Carol had never been more terrified of her husband in all her life.
Maybe it was wrong of Carol to admit it, but she'd been relieved the night that the Walkers had come to camp. She was sorry for the loss of all the other good people that had been lost from their group, but she'd been relieved when—while cleaning up the carnage—Rick had come to her to deliver the news that her husband was among those who hadn't survived the attack. Becoming a widow should have never been a moment of happiness for anyone, but it had been one of the happiest moments of Carol's life.
Now she knew love like she'd never even truly imagined existed.
Carol was expecting again—something she didn't honestly believe would ever happen. And the man that she called her partner was truly excited about their impending arrival. His excitement, honestly, made Carol a bit nervous. She feared failing him in some way. She wanted him to have all the good things that he hoped for himself because she knew that all the good he wanted for himself would be good for Carol and Sophia as well.
Carol didn't expect Daryl to change his mind about the baby. He already knew all the sacrifices that a child required, and he seemed more than happy to make them just to have another. He was already the best father that Sophia could hope to have. Carol couldn't imagine that there had ever been a little girl with more doting a father than Sophia had found in Daryl.
Carol was also surrounded by people who were extended family to them now, and she couldn't wait to share her good news with them. She'd given Daryl her blessing to go forth and share their good news, but she'd ask him to at least let her have some opportunity to share. He had quickly and happily agreed to that.
Lori was her girlfriend. She was the first girlfriend that Carol had had in some time, so Carol was still learning how that kind of relationship worked. Lori was the mother of two. Her son was older—just about the age to be into everything and keeping Lori forever worried about his safety and whereabouts—and her daughter was only a few months old.
Carol had never shared truly good news like this with a girlfriend before, and she only hoped that television hadn't lied to her. She hoped that Lori would be thrilled for her good fortune. She was prepared, though, for the possibility of some negative feelings on the part of Lori.
Lori had some problems in her marriage to Rick. In fact, Lori had a great deal of problems in her marriage.
Carol supposed that if she were to go in search of Daryl's faults, she would find them—because he was human and surely had a number of them just like she did—but Carol didn't bother to go searching for the bad. Rather, she preferred to appreciate all the good that Daryl brought to their relationship—something that was very easy to appreciate after her marriage to Ed—and, in return, Daryl seemed more than willing to forgive her for her imperfections.
This was, of course, the way that Carol thought things should be, but she understood that not all relationships worked that way.
Carol also understood that there were occasionally some negative feelings when friends or loved ones saw something in your relationship that they lacked in their own.
There had been a great deal of question surrounding Lori's pregnancy. During the early days of the turn, Lori and Rick had been separated. Lori had presumed her husband to be dead and she'd quickly sought comfort in the arms of another man. It had just so happened that the other man had been her husband's best friend. It had also just so happened that her husband hadn't been dead at all.
Nobody said it out loud, but the question hung around their family as to whether or not Rick was the biological father of the baby that he called his daughter.
There was no such concern in Carol and Daryl's relationship. Daryl was absolutely not the biological father of Sophia, and Carol had hardly even looked at another man since she'd first offered Daryl a kiss in a farmhouse that seemed a million miles, and a million years, away from where they were now.
Carol didn't expect Lori to want to celebrate her pregnancy, but she at least hoped for a somewhat sincere sounding congratulations.
The world they lived in now was an odd place to find happiness but, in it, Carol had found more happiness than she'd ever known in the past.
When Carol finally gathered up her courage, she tugged Lori over to the side and temporarily put some distance between them and the laundry that they'd been scrubbing by hand in the courtyard of the prison. Lori had laughed, clearly taking Carol's separating her from the group as some kind of humorous antic.
"What is it?" Lori asked. "Do you have some kind of secret?"
Carol raised her eyebrows at Lori.
"Something like that," she said. "Maybe I just wanted to share it with you before I shared it with Maggie and Beth."
Lori laughed to herself.
"You're being so secretive that I'm starting to think you're going to tell me that you're seeing someone and Daryl doesn't know about it."
Carol frowned at her.
"What is it?" Lori prompted, not even excusing what she'd said.
"I don't even know how to say it," Carol said. "I think—I had something planned out and it's just left me."
"Is something wrong?" Lori asked, her humor fading into genuine concern.
Carol smiled to herself and shook her head.
"Everything's—it's very right," Carol said. "For me. For Daryl."
Lori laughed to herself, but Carol wasn't sure if there was any genuineness to the laughter or if it was simply a nervous sound that had been made to relieve some of the tension that was unnecessarily building.
"Carol..." Lori started, but she didn't finish.
"Mama!" Sophia called out, her sweet and high-pitched voice immediately breaking into the conversation.
"There you are!" Daryl declared. He had found them—not that they were difficult to find—and he was coming toward them with Sophia riding on his hip. She was muddy, and so was Daryl, but both of them looked as pleased as they could be about the situation.
Without presuming that he might be interrupting something, Daryl walked right over and planted a kiss on Carol's cheek. In the beginning, he'd been a bit standoffish about being affectionate in front of people. As time had gone on, though, he'd learned that he enjoyed it. He still didn't appreciate over-the-top displays of affection, but a kiss or a hug was more than acceptable in his opinion.
He smiled at Lori.
"You tell her yet?" He asked.
"Tell me what?" Lori asked.
Carol shook her head.
"I haven't found the words," Carol said.
"Shit," Daryl declared. "Shit—I'm sorry. I'ma just..."
Carol caught him by the arm before he could take Sophia and attempt to run away. He wouldn't want to spoil her moment. What he probably failed to realize was that it was Carol who seemed unable to get the words out that were necessary to have her so-called moment.
"Don't go," Carol said. "You can tell her. Just the same as I can."
"Tell me what?" Lori asked. She laughed to herself again, but this time it was clear that there was no actual humor there. She was growing concerned—and with good reason.
Daryl frowned at Carol and chewed at his lip.
"It was supposed to be Carol that told'ja," Daryl said. "But—her an' me...we're...looks like we're gonna, ya know, have us another kid. Not too long after the winter thaws out this year."
Carol smiled to herself to hear Daryl's explanation.
"As nature intended," Carol said.
Daryl laughed to himself.
"Just like that," Daryl offered.
Lori took a long moment to absorb the information, but once it sunk in for her, a smile spread over her lips. She reached for Carol and pulled her into a hug.
"You're pregnant?" She asked.
Carol laughed to herself. She realized that her heart was thundering in her chest and her lungs felt slightly constricted. She nodded at Lori when they broke apart.
"I am," Carol said.
"I didn't know you were trying," Lori said.
"We weren't," Carol said. "I mean—not exactly."
"We weren't not tryin', though," Daryl said. "Soph—here—we ain't explained it to her yet. Not so she can understand."
"I understand!" Sophia declared, having no idea what she was supposed to be understanding. All that she understood with any sincerity was that Daryl was trying to suggest that there might be something she didn't know, and Sophia hated to be out of the loop.
"You do," Carol said. "And you'll understand even more later. But—right now—your Daddy needs to go and get you a bath."
"Aye, aye," Daryl teased. He leaned and pecked Carol's cheek again.
It wasn't until he started to walk off that Lori found the voice to squeak out a congratulations at him that he could carry with him. He waved over his shoulder as if to let her know that he'd heard her.
And then Lori hugged Carol once more.
"You're really happy for me?" Carol asked.
"Of course!" Lori said. "The girls will have another child to play with. It'll be wonderful. And—I'll have so much stuff from Judith that you can use. You won't hardly need anything with her outgrowing everything. It's just—wonderful. Are you happy?"
Carol smiled to herself, pleased to at least be asked the question with some genuine concern.
"I couldn't be happier," Carol said.
"I don't even have to ask if Daryl's happy," Lori said.
Carol laughed to herself. She shook her head at Lori.
"No," she said. "You don't. He hardly knows what to do with himself—and he's only known for a day."