AN: Here we are, another chapter here.
I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!
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"She was talking about Merle," Andrea said. "About Daryl, too."
They were unpacking smaller items in Carol and Daryl's apartment while everyone else was out. They'd all gone down to pick out furniture, and Daryl had taken Sophia with him so that they could show her a few of the things that Tyreese had told him about would appeal to children, before they went to make their furniture selections.
"What's new?" Carol asked with a laugh.
"She was feeling especially pissy this morning," Andrea offered. "It was just—constant. You know those sideways comments she makes like she's just trying to have a conversation with you or give you advice or something."
"She was very helpful," Carol said, "when I was first with Daryl. She was very concerned about me and my well-being."
Andrea hummed.
"And she's concerned with my well-being," Andrea said. "Merle and I are only together, after all, because of our circumstances. The problem with that is—she isn't wrong."
"Who isn't in a relationship because of circumstances? Paint it however you want—no matter how your relationship happened, or when, or where, it's all about circumstances. You happen to meet each other when you were both receptive to a relationship. You both decided you liked each other enough to try whatever it was that you tried. You both decided that you wanted to pursue whatever you decided to pursue. I married Ed because of my circumstances. I married Daryl because of my circumstances. The circumstances might have been different, but they were all circumstances."
Andrea smiled at Carol. It was a smile that curled just the side of her mouth upward.
"Do you need some water?" Andrea asked. "You look a little warm."
Carol's face was warm. She could feel anger, or frustration, burning her cheeks and face. She checked herself and took a deep breath.
"She just makes me so…"
"Pissed off?" Andrea asked.
"Sometimes," Carol ceded with a laugh. "So, you and Merle, and Daryl and I, are only together because of our circumstances. What else happened? Because I know she's said that enough that you weren't set off by just that."
"She got on her soapbox about men. Because, you know, even though she and Rick agreed to this separation because they thought it was the best thing they could do, it's still all Rick's fault in the end."
"Everyone knows that, I think," Carol said with a laugh. "Especially Rick."
"She's said it enough," Andrea said.
"So that upset you enough for this fight to break out?" Carol asked. She laughed to herself. "I guess I still don't understand. What was enough to make this happen? Or was it just a straw that broke the camel's back?"
"It wasn't just Rick," Andrea said. "She got started on the fact that Daryl and Merle were the same way. The funny thing is, she didn't really say what 'way' that was, it was just that—they were horrible people. You know? We'd see."
"We'll see," Carol mused. "I've heard it before. I'm still waiting to see."
"I told her that they weren't. I told her to stop talking about Merle and Daryl. She did the damn Lori thing about acting surprised that it was getting on my nerves. Making that damn face."
"I know exactly what face you're talking about," Carol said with a laugh. "So surprised that—you're upset. She didn't mean anything by it, after all."
"You're taking it way too personally," Andrea agreed. "She was just having a conversation, friend to friend. She's almost fucking offended that you want her to shut up. So, of course, she doesn't shut up. She just keeps going."
"And so, she kept going," Carol supplied.
"So, she kept going," Andrea said. "We'd see. Merle and Daryl hadn't done anything because of the whole closed community feel or the whole social view of things or…to be honest? I wasn't really listening because, by then, I'd just gotten annoyed. It was like this steady stream of bullshit and all that mattered was that when we got to Woodbury—especially after Rick's little end-of-the-world divorce and practically choosing to abandon his whole family fiasco…"
"Rick didn't abandon anyone," Carol offered quickly. Rick was not her favorite person at all. In fact, she really didn't have too much love for the man. Still, she could hardly stand by and let him be slandered for something that wasn't, in all actuality, true at all. "Rick—might have gone a little crazy at times. And I'm not saying that Lori was wrong for wanting some distance from him or that he was wrong for wanting distance from Lori—I mean I'd want distance from both of them, but…"
"I didn't mean that I agreed with her," Andrea interrupted. "I meant that's what she was saying. From what Hershel said, they both made the choice that they weren't any good together anymore, but they were both going to do what was best for the children. They were going to both split their time with the kids and keep their distance from each other, when it was necessary, so that Carl and Judith didn't have to deal with the negativity and tension."
"But Lori's spreading the story that Rick abandoned her and the children?" Carol asked.
Andrea hummed and nodded her head.
By now they'd unpacked everything they could and both apartments were clean. Without discussing it, they'd both made their way over to the couch to sit and wait for the men, that Lori had been so concerned about, to get back with the truck that would bring the furniture and some extra hands to get it into the first and second story apartments of the two-story apartment building.
"She doesn't know how to be anything if she's not being the victim," Andrea said. "But please don't think that I fought Lori over Rick, because I could really care less what she had to say about him. She just went on to say that—Merle and Daryl would probably get here and, before we knew it, they'd find someone else. They'd move on. Leave us behind. That's what men did. And I just couldn't fucking take it anymore. So, I made the comment that—clearly they weren't interested in just any woman they could have because neither of them had ever made a move toward her. And I shouldn't have said it, I know I shouldn't have said it, but then I just couldn't help myself…and I said that they probably didn't want it because it had caused so many damn problems since she mentally manipulated Shane and Rick into being pretty damn close to crazy."
Carol laughed to herself.
"You didn't say that to her," Carol said.
"I did," Andrea said. "And a bunch more than I can't remember. I might've used Merle's 'golden pussy' line. I don't even know what I said. I was just so pissed off that…that she was determined that as soon as there were more women around, they were just going to go off like dogs. So, then I just walked away and she followed me. She slapped me for what I said…which I probably deserved."
"OK," Carol said, "OK—you probably deserved it."
"I did," Andrea agreed.
"But I'm still kind of glad you said it," Carol said, not bothering to swallow back the humor she felt.
"Even though I deserved it, though, I just didn't feel like dealing with it," Andrea said. "I'd been hauling boxes and fucking—every fucking thing that needed to be loaded on two trucks. I nearly loaded those two trucks while everyone was taking care of other things. And Lori was behind me, most of the morning, carrying the baby, who should probably be walking soon, and talking about how she just didn't rest if it was Beth or anybody else that was holding her or, when she did pick something up, she'd carry like one can of food instead of a box because she so weak or some shit from being anemic and trying to produce milk and I…" She stopped, drew in a deep breath, and blew it out. "I'm getting pissed again. I was just so pissed off. I couldn't stop. It's a little scary. After she slapped me, I just saw red. And then she's on the ground and I'm thinking—I could kill her."
"I'm glad you didn't," Carol said. She held her hand up in Andrea's direction. "Not because she wouldn't have maybe deserved it, but because I know you. You would've beaten yourself up over it for the rest of your life if you'd killed her."
Andrea hummed and was quiet for a moment.
"The worst part about it is," she mused, "that I'm not entirely sure she's wrong."
"I don't think that Daryl's going to run away because we're in Woodbury," Carol said. She laughed to herself. "I mean—I guess I could always be wrong, but that just doesn't feel anything like Daryl."
"I wasn't talking about Daryl," Andrea said.
"You and Merle were in Woodbury before," Carol pointed out. "He was here before you. He had his choice of the women here."
"And, from what I understand, he enjoyed quite a few of them," Andrea said, raising her eyebrows at Carol and reaching a hand up to touch gingerly at the bandage on her cheek. It was clear that the deep scratches beneath the bandages—clearly Lori's greatest weapon of defense had been her fingernails—were at least a little uncomfortable.
Carol got to her feet without saying anything to Andrea, disappeared a moment to the bathroom, and found the few items they'd unpacked into the medicine cabinet from a bag. They shared things like medicines and medical supplies with the whole group. However, every now and again, Daryl was in the habit of squirreling things away. They had a stash that was rather impressive of various medical odds and ends. Carol might have suggested to Daryl that they share the supplies, but she knew that it made him feel happy and secure to have it.
There had been too many times, after all, when he'd felt they'd been denied something simple that they needed. He'd dealt with those feelings of "doing without" in the best way he could. He'd pocketed items as he'd gone on runs. Two for the group, one for his family. That was his motto in most things.
Carol didn't say anything to him because she understood him. She understood how desperately he wanted to provide for her and Sophia. She understood that a bottle of Tylenol tucked away in a drawer could be the difference between Daryl sleeping at night and Daryl walking the floors and worrying over a fever that he feared would occur in the future and would never be controlled.
She would never make him feel like a thief or a crook for doing what his heart told him was right. And she would fight, just as surely as Andrea had fought Lori that day, anyone who tried to make him feel bad.
Carol palmed a couple of the Tylenol and filled a glass with water in the kitchen. The water in Woodbury was supposed to be clean enough to bathe in and wash things in, but they still boiled the water that they drank. Whoever had cleaned the apartment had left several jugs of boiled water with a note that they should "enjoy" the water after their trip because it was already boiled. It was cooled as well.
Carol brought the Tylenol to Andrea and, when the blonde did her best to refuse it, Carol practically forced her into swallowing the pills.
"I know how stingy they can be," Carol said.
"I'll be fine," Andrea said.
"You will," Carol said. "But—there's something to be said for being comfortable, too, when you have the opportunity. Back to Merle—if you feel worried about it, maybe you should talk to him."
"Merle freezes when he doesn't want to talk about something," Andrea said. "He deflects. Walks away. Shuts down. You name it."
"Let him walk away," Carol said. "Sometimes—that's what they have to do. And when he comes back, talk to him again."
Andrea laughed.
"And when he walks away again?" Andrea asked.
"How many times he walks away doesn't matter," Carol said. "He comes back. That means that, eventually, he's going to talk. I think—with Daryl? Sometimes he goes quiet like that and I think that he's just as interested to see if I'm still going to be there when he comes back, literally or figuratively."
"Daryl's a little sweeter than Merle," Andrea said. She laughed to herself. "A lot sweeter than Merle."
"And I don't think either of us needs to forget that Merle was hurt longer than Daryl," Carol said. "And—maybe there's something to be said for being the oldest. For having some sense of responsibility in the hell that they knew."
"You're saying—he can't help it," Andrea said.
"And I think you already knew that, or you wouldn't still be with him," Carol said.
"I didn't mean to really, actually love him," Andrea said. She wiped at her eye with the pad of her thumb and drank the water to give herself something to do.
"But now that you do, maybe you need to work on starting to be honest with him," Carol said. "And trust him."
"You and Daryl have it all figured out," Andrea offered.
"Not at all," Carol said quickly. "And we both—have our days. I need him to make me feel better. Secure. Convince me I'm not crazy, or wrong, or…and he has his days. Sometimes it's like a fear that comes out of nowhere. In Dixon, I'm learning, that can look like anger. But it's anger that—doesn't cause hurt. It's anger that comes from hurt."
Andrea laughed.
"That's like—Dixon poetry," she offered.
"I have a little more experience than you do," Carol said. "But I've got the younger brother, so the knots might be different. Still—before you let Lori get too deep into your head, maybe you ought to give Merle a chance to comfort you. He can't be that different than Daryl, and…Daryl likes feeling needed."
Andrea laughed to herself again and groaned.
"I was always taught to feel like I didn't need a man," Andrea said. She shrugged her shoulders. "Really—to feel like I didn't need anyone. I needed to learn to be entirely independent. I never liked that idea, though. Not really. We all need people. Now more than ever."
"If he needs to feel needed, and he doesn't feel like you need him…maybe that's when he starts to do stupid things because, really, it's not about you. It's about his needs not being met." Andrea narrowed her eyes at Carol. "I didn't say right or wrong. All men have their bad things, just like all women do. The thing is finding a man whose bad thing is something you can handle. And, believe me, I've seen worse than a man who needed his ego stroked occasionally and needed me to make him feel like my knight in shining armor for—for making me a plate or bringing me something they thought would make my life a little easier."
Andrea sighed.
"You're right," she said. "But—I'll start with profuse praise about asking for the furniture. I'll work my way up to the harder stuff."
"You know," Carol offered, "Merle was really proud of you for winning that fight. Just think how happy he'd be to know it was him you were fighting over."
Andrea's face lightened.
"You think I should tell him?"
"It's the perfect opportunity," Carol said. "And it'll open the door for some of that harder stuff with the perfect introduction."
Andrea smiled.
"Thanks," Andrea said.
"You can thank me by helping me put this place together when they get here," Carol said.