A/N: So its been a while in-between updates, but apparently when I do update, its 9k words and something real good, so I dont hope youre complaining. I do however wanna know your thoughts on the story, my oc, changes, this chap, hell recommend me episodes to watch for inspiration. idk, just talk to me please!
(Note: I am so sorry, I thought I had changed the rating, but I must have forgotten to save, or something, idk. Im not on here as much as I should. But it should be changed to the proper rating now.)
Lola's P.O.V.
I walked into the office a big grin on my face, I was officially cleared to travel, and I did feel a lot better from the injuries, having finally seemed to recover during the last few weeks. I was excited to be truly back. Though I loved Garcia's company, I felt less useful cooped up in her office.
I could not be happier, I did however wonder why on earth we were called in here so late, and without a go bag as Spencer called it. I smiled as I got in the elevator with him and Morgan.
"I guess the case is local otherwise JJ would have asked us to bring a go bag." He said and I shrugged and nodded.
"Just my luck, I get cleared to travel and then we stay local." I said with a smirk receiving a small smile to appreciate my humor from the boys.
We walked out of the elevator and met Prentiss, I smiled and nodded to her as a greeting. However we stopped dead in our tracks right in front of the office. Well, I bumped into Spencer and apologised for being distracted before turning to see what had all of their attention. Our offices were packed with people, some in military gear, others in normal suits, some even in lab coats. Emily voiced what we were all thinking as we stood there frozen from shock of the chaos that lied before us.
"What the hell kind of case is this?" She said not looking away from it all.
With that, we all seemed to unfreeze from our trance and we opened the glass door, walking in together towards the briefing room. We came in and an asian woman looked at us all seriously as we were handed files.
"We have a deadly flu on our hands." Hotchner said looking at us all seriously. I looked at him confused but everyone else kept quiet so I just looked around seeing if anyone else was going to ask.
"What does that have to do with us? We catch serial killers, rapists and terrorist. Last I checked you were psychologists not biologists." I said and Hotchner gave me a small comforting smile, knowing I should have probably been briefed on this.
"True, however this flu is not like a normal strain." He started and the asian lady interrupted him.
"This strain of the flu bacteria is high contagious, and does not behave like a normal flu. It could only have been engineered in a lab. This flu moves quickly, starting with vomitting, high fever, high blood pressure, irritation of the lungs, laserations of the skin and finally death." She said looking at us all sternly, she also gave me a comforting smile, I was glad there was an understanding of my limited knowledge of this thing. I nodded showing that I found their answer satisfactory.
"Why call us in now? Was it used as biological weapon?" Morgan asked and the scientist nodded and placed photos in front of us.
"Last night there were 30 people admitted to the hospital who tested positive with a strain of this virus. 10 are already dead, the last 20, are getting there." The woman said.
"What do we know about the spreading?" Spencer asked looking up from the file and the woman smiled at him, making me a little annoyed.
"Well, luckily it seems to be containable, however inhaling the original spores seems to be the cause. The spares are airborne small particles, without oder or colour. At least that is all we have been able to get out of the strain so far. We are still running tests." She said and we nodded looking concerned.
"The entirety of law enforcement is here, military is looking into international terrorist groups with resources to do this. We are going to go local. All the victims had gone to the same local swimming pool. Garcia look into anyone who could benefit from this, labs, universities, people who produce flu vaccines. Reid and Lola go to the hospital and interview the victims. The rest of you will accompany the hash-mat team to the crime scene." Hotchner said as we all nodded understanding our objectives.
"This is Baloxavir, this is an antiviral drug normally used to treat the flu. We do not know if this will work, but take it as a percussion anyway." The doctor said pulling out a tray filled with small cups of pills, we all took one and Rossi said a small salut, as we downed the pills.
"Also, I will need to know, if any of you haven't gotten your regular flu shots since you were children. This strain is highly dangerous and you will be more receptive to this strain if you haven't had your flu shots." The doctor said looking around the room, we all stayed quit before scattering to do our various jobs.
As Spencer walked over to get files on the patients we were seeing I walked over to Hotch who gave me a small smile.
"Hey, I just. Hotch how exactly can I help on this case? I know how to break in places, how to steal a wallet, and how to get past security, I have no idea how flues work. And even though we did get a janitor sick once on a heist we had a guy for that. I want to help, I really do, but I just don't understand how." I said looking at him concerned and he gave me small smile.
"You're smarter than you give yourself credit for. All you need to do is apply your knowledge differently and think about this particular un subs motives. Besides, I put you with Reid to interview the victims, mostly because you have much better people skills." He said with a small smile. I thanked him and walked over to Spencer who handed me some files, I nodded before grabbing my things and driving with him and the doctor to the hospital.
We walked into a room and a teenage girl was lying there she had leasions all over and an oxygen mask on. She did not look well.
"Hi Sydney. This is Doctor Reid and I am agent Castello. We know you don't feel too well. But if you're up for it, my friend here would like to try this memory exorcise with you. You think we could do that?" I asked her gently and slowly as I was reading her. Apparently she was one of the few who were still holding on and the one who was still strong enough to speak. She nodded and I traded places with Spencer letting him do his thing. I looked around the room trying to find anything.
I stepped out of the room to take a call from Rossi.
"Talk to me." I said, I almost rolled my eyes at myself and I heard a small chuckle from the other end.
"Someone has been spending too much time with Garcia." Rossi said from the other end and I shrugged a little.
"It is good to be back in the field, armed with my quick wit and a cellphone. Now what's up." I asked.
"We just need your thieving opinion. How would you have hid in a crowd at a pool. He had to have been wearing a gas mask and gloves, how would our unsub get away with this without getting looks?" He asked and I thought it over for a moment, thinking about how I would do a heist if there was toxic gas but I could not get caught in it.
"I would dress as a janitor, or in this place, someone who was checking if the pool water was clean. That would give excuse for the gloves and gas mask without causing suspicion. I mean who would look twice at someone like that if they also had a bucket full of cleaning supplies?" I said and Rossi thanked me and I walked back into the room.
"Hey Spence, ask if she can remember someone coming in with cleaning supplies maybe a janitor or someone who would help put chlorine in the pool." I said and he nodded doing his memory exorcise again.
"There was a woman, she had this bucket filled with cleaning products. She looked." Suddenly Sydney paused midway through her sentence and had fainted the doctor urged us out as she rushed to take care of the dying girl. I looked back at the room concerned, at least we got something out of this, our unsub was a woman.
I called the team with this information, and Spencer also deduced that this might not have been this persons first victims, they had to have tested it out. The doctor checked some records and found 5 patients over the last month who had somewhat similar symptoms. We called Garcia who looked up all of these victims and found out the all came to the same children's library.
We all met up at the office to discuss our findings.
"We talked to the library apparently the victims all go to the same book club held there, apparently they aren't well liked in the community. Some conservatives have tried to have it closed before but no luck. That and the public pool which is also in a predominantly liberal neighborhood. We suspect that these targets are both personal and politically fuelled for this person." Prentiss said and I nodded.
"We figured out the testing and with our theory about the unsub combined with Sydneys memory, we think the unsub is a female." I said they all nodded.
"So we are dealing with a former female scientist, who is also highly conservative. Could this be anti vaccine fueled?" JJ asked and I raised my eyebrows but nodded at this theory.
Spencer and I was sent back to the hospital as Garcia tried to make a list of suspects and the rest of the team presented a profile. We walked around and I noticed Sydney. I looked at her sadly, it was always sad when younger people died, a lot of wasted potential. Spencer left me to take a call, before grabbing me.
"We're meeting Morgan out front, Garcia might have found a hit." He said and I nodded quickly following him out to Morgans car where I got in the backseat and greeted both him and Garcia.
"So, Margrete Johnson, is a former scientist who used to work for a Balovaxir company. She is a brilliant scientist, and get this she has been one of the fuelling voices behind the protests of the liberal book club. She turned conservative after her husband died. Oh god." Garcia stopped in her listing of information. I looked up from the file I had been handed.
"Apparently her son Parker died a year ago from the flu, she was anti vax." She said concerned and clearly touched by this.
We hung up and discussed the case, the husbands death must have triggered some conservatives beliefs in her, making her anti vac and not vaccinating their son let to his early demise. That must have been the ultimate trigger.
"She must have an illusion of either that people need to vaccinate their kids, or just have an idea that the liberals should fear the flu as well, proving that the vaccines does not work." I said and the boys nodded. We walked out of the car, we went to her house and home lab, as the rest of the team went to the lab.
Morgan stopped out front in order to take a call about the case. I nodded to Spencer and he walked in front of me with his gun, I had a dial button ready in case something happened. Sadly this was all I could do. We walked into her house and I noticed how she still had pictures of her son up. We walked into her lab that looked sickly clean. I was looking at vials with white powder in it, probably the virus. I picked one up carefully to examine it.
"Lola." I heard Spencer say behind me.
I was startled and turned to him too quickly since he sounded disturbed. However that would be my mistake. I dropped the vile I was holding and it seemed to go in slow motion, sadly I seemed to freeze as well and all I could do was watch as it slowly approached the floor and shattered. I was finally broken from my trance and I looked up at Spencer once again he looked at it, then me, then up at the ceiling.
"F*ck." He said and I almost smiled, it was somehow a little cute to hear the oh so innocent doctor Spencer Reid swear. Though I knew he probably was not completely innocent, he just had this vibe, that he would do no harm ever. Not unlike me, I imagined I gave off a vibe that I could not be trusted.
He looked around frantically, and suddenly Morgan was calling from the house. He walked towards us and looked at us concerned, but Spencer managed to close the door on him.
"What the hell is going on?" He asked angrily looking from Reid to me, I looked up concerned.
"I am so sorry Morgan, we were looking to see if there was a strain in here. I picked it up o get to evidence, but then Spencer startled me, and I dropped it. You can't come in here." I said finally getting my breathing under control and he looked at us both even more concerned.
"Oh hell no. Open this door right now, let us get you out of there before you're infected!" He yelled yanking at the door, but Spencer held it close tightly.
"No. Get back. We are probably already infected." Spencer yelled at him. I started coughing and Morgan stepped back from the door looking sad before going to make phone calls. I could not stop coughing and I knew that this was bad. Spencer walked over to me and put his arm comfortingly around me.
"We are going to be okay. She must have made an antidote if she was ever to be infected herself. We just need to find it." He said giving me a small smile.
We sat down on the floor as we waited for everyone to get here, afterwards we would need to try and locate the stupid antidote. I looked up at Spencer still trying to breathe properly, but it was like my lungs were burning and not truly accepting the oxygen in to them.
"I am so sorry Spencer." I said, knowing it was my fault that we were now stuck in here.
"It's okay. It is just as much my fault." He said and I smiled a little.
Finally the general of the CDC and Hotch came there and called us Morgan standing outside with them.
"Well, we're going to put up a grey area, and the scrubbing you down and getting you to the hospital." The general said.
"No. We're staying in here until we crack the case. We need to find the antidote, otherwise nothing good will come of this." Spencer protested in the phone.
"Look Reid we could make you more comfortable in a hospital." Hotch said and Spencer looked at me, and I nodded slightly concerned.
"We discussed this Hotch, Lola and I will stay in here, till we crack the case, and know where Margrete is going. We are already infected so just get things ready to get use out when we are done in here." He said sternly.
"Reid, Lola, are you certain you can do this? There is no shame in pulling out." Morgan said and I smiled a little, I could hear how worried he was by the tone of his voice.
"We will be fine Morgan, the virus takes more than 24 hours to kill. We will have at least 16 hours until we need to be hospitalised." He said and I bit my lip a little concerned, however my head was getting heavier as we were talking. I tried to not notice. The men out front agreed and we hung up.
We should get to work on finding the antidote but I could feel myself getting tired, and breathing was still difficult. I looked up at Spencer who finally turned his attention from the phone to me.
"Lola? You okay? We should have 16 hours until you should start feeling too bad." He repeated and I nodded looking up at him again sadly, I coughed again and sighed.
"Yeah, about that doc. I am afraid I don't have that long." I said and his eyes widened and he crouched down beside me on the floor looking at me, like I had just told him I was gonna die in a few hours. Come to think of it, his expression of concern, anger and sadness seemed like the perfect combination, considering I had actually just told him I was gonna die in the next few hours.
"What the hell do you mean by that Lola?" He asked and I sighed a little, I felt heavy and cold, but also guilty.
"I did not think we would be this close to action, and as we were looking over the lab earlier I had completely forgotten about it." I said but paused to cough.
"Remember how the doctor said we would probably be fine as long as we had our flu shots. Well, I haven't exactly been to the doctor in a long while. So I haven't gotten a flu shot since I was a kid." I finished, I started slowly shivering, I tried to control it, but it was just so damn cold in here. I was guessing the fever was starting to kick in. Spencer looked at my horrified but also a little angry now.
"Seriously Lola! How could you not tell us? There is a high chance that you can die today because you did not tell us this. Why on earth wouldn't you say something? You have been putting yourself in deadly danger all day!" He said upset and I looked down guilty, he looked at me angry but probably came from a place of concern.
"I'm sorry. I didn't think it would be a problem. And I have been feeling so useless since I was benched these last few weeks. I did not want to be benched for another case just because I wasn't vaccinated when I lived on the streets." I said truly expressing it. I could probably have worded my feelings a bit more delicately, but I was actually dying right now. What would it matter?
"You have never been useless… Let's just focus on finding that antidote okay?" He said having seemingly calmed down.
I nodded and he grabbed my hand, holding me get up. I coughed as we looked around the room for ideas to where the antidote could be hidden.
"She is smart, she would not just put it anywhere, but she also would not mark it. She is too paranoid for that." I muttered out, and Spencer nodded looking around more frantically.
I took my time, mostly out of necessity, slowly looking around in a drawer for anything that could contain an antidote in that lab matching the description.
"I can't imagine she had time to bake it into pills, so we should also look for vials that could contain it in liquid form." Spencer said and I nodded continueing to look through the drawer.
I closed the drawer and looked on the desk in front of me. Picking up the papers and as carefully as I could in my current state looked it over.
"Spencer, I think I might have found something." I said and he came over to me, looking at the same papers.
"This look like plans. And look at this flier, there is an anti anti vaxer protest at townhall today. It would be too obvious of a target for her not to hit. It is in two hours." I said and he nodded.
He pulled out his phone and called Morgan again.
"Hey kids, how are you doing?" He asked concerned and I smiled a little at how he clearly cared for us.
"We might have found her next target, if we have Garcia verify the information, we believe that she could be targeting a anti anti vaccine protest at townhall today." Spencer said and Morgan got the message to the team clearly going to help them. At least I hoped he did, me and Spencer would be fine. Hopefully.
"Now we just need to find an antidote." I said with a small sigh.
We scattered again, looking all over the place. After an hour I felt like we had looked over everything in this lab twice. Nothing looked like an antidote. I felt a little dizzy and sat down on the floor, soon Spencer joined me and sighed.
"We need to find that antidote." I said in-between coughs and he nodded and slowly grabbed my hand and after a small pause he squeezed it.
"Yeah. Hey Lola, you're burning up. I think maybe I should continue looking without you." He said, sweating a little but seemingly fine. I could feel myself still being groggy and coughing, and I had started feeling nauseous as well.
"No, I just need a minute, then I can help. If I am gonna die of this thing, I might as well help you live you know?" I said feeling weaker by the second, but refusing to give in.
"Okay. Hey, I am gonna call Garcia to leave a message for my mom. Is there anyone you want to call?" He asked and I smiled a little at how sweet he was. He should say goodbye to his mom, I was somewhat happy for him. His mother loved him enough to warrant a goodbye. Mine did not. I though it over and I knew my mom was either dead or did not care, I could not call uncle Eddie, because he never kept the same number. In fact I knew I could not call any of my criminal friends. All the people I would need to say goodbye to, and who I thought would actually cared if I died, was on the team.
"No. It's fine." I said slowly gulping realising how few people cared about me. I was very happy about the ones that did do not get me wrong but it felt sort of wrong. Spencer squeezed my hand once more before getting up and calling Garcia. I could not help but get tears in my eyes as I heard the speech he had her record for his mother. It was short and sweet, and I felt a pang of guilt or jealousy that I had no one to call like that. Suddenly he turned to me and held out the phone that was now on speaker.
"Hey sweetie." Garcia said voice clearly sad with no hint of her usual cheery and cheeky greetings.
"Hey tech godess." I said making Spencer smile a little as I was leaning against a cabinet both to keep me up and for some coldness.
"Is there anyone you wanna call. I know you haven't seen your mom in ages, but I bet I could find her phone number." She said and I smiled but shook my head slowly.
"It is okay Garcia. My mom is either dead, or don't care. The only people who care is you guys. So could you just… If I don't make it, just tell them I love them all, that I am sorry, and Una bella vita, rende una morte facile e ti amo tutti." I said, I knew she would either translate it or Rossi would explain it.
I did not know why, but it felt good and right to have my last message for them be in italian. No matter how much I did or did not run from that. It was my first language, the language I spoke when I was happy growing up. Something about it, just seemed so nice and familiar.
Spencer smiled at me and we said goodbye to a touched Garcia who hung up.
"She was very concerned, she didn't even give me a witty hello." He said sitting down besides me. I sighed and put my head on his shoulder and slowly started coughing.
"You think we're gonna make it Spence?" I asked earnestly, I had no idea how long I had before I would become critical, and I looked at him in the eyes telling him to give me an honest answer. I mean it seemed like we had been all over this place and was never going to find this antidote.
"We are gonna get out just fine." He said slowly and I sighed hoping he was not just saying that to make me feel better.
"But we are no closer to finding that antidote. And it seems like we have been all over this place already. You can't be sure Spencer." I said and coughed a little in-between and he looked at me annoyed, probably more at our situation more than me.
"We are not dying of this virus. I will not let it kill you." He said looking determined.
But I just did not believe it, but I wanted to, so we stayed there for a few minutes before getting up and started looking again. We went over the room again and again, looking to see if we could find it. After another hour had passed I had to sit down again. I was getting dizzier by the minute, and Spencer came over and sat down besides me and sighed.
"This is hopeless Spence." I said slowly knowing I should start accepting the fact that I was gonna die of this virus. He looked at me worried and put his hand on my forehead before sighing a little and looking around the room.
"Not completely, we will find it. It has to be here." He said frustrated and coughed a few times.
I looked at him, my sweet friend, the guy I worked with and wondered if I liked more than I led on. I had no idea if it was he sickness talking because I was groggy or if it was because I had just slowly gotten used to the thought that I would probably die soon. But I was looking at Spencer sitting besides me, he still had hope. But I knew we would probably never find that cure.
"We aren't going to find the cure in here Spence. We should accept that." I said and he sighed but slowly nodded.
"Its just. We can't just die. I can't let you die a few hours before I die myself." He said looking me in the eyes and I sighed nodded.
"Wish we didn't have to, but that seems to be where we're heading." I said and he nodded.
"Any regrets? Or last wishes?" He asked probably trying to lighten the mood and he himself was also just probably trying to come to terms with this.
"No regrets. And wishes? Well I had hoped I would die having found love, maybe settle down somewhere nice." I said and he smiled and shrugged.
"Can't really do that from in here." He said and I shrugged and sighed.
"I guess you will have to do." I said and he looked at me confused but I shrugged and he seemed to understand what I was saying.
"We can't, we're colleagues." He said slowly looking at me concerned. I had no idea why I wanted to do this, like I said I had no idea if it was because I was groggy and not thinking straight or just because I was dying.
"Oh come on Spencer! We're dying in here, what are they going to do? Suspend us? Besides, it's not just because you're the only one in here. I do like you Spencer. And it's not like we haven't done anything before." I said coughing a little through a few of the words. He looked at me concerned and then looked me in the eyes to see if I was genuine or still thinking straight or something.
"I don't know, I think I would feel weird just giving up on life now." He said and I shrugged.
"You think too much doc." I said.
And slowly but not that slowly at all, I grabbed him and pulled him towards me. I stopped giving him a chance to escape, I did not want to force him into anything. He looked me in the eyes first looking shocked and then as if I was a book he was reading.
I slowly leaned in a bit more and looked him in the eyes, he had not protested up until now. I could feel his hot breath on my lips as I slowly leaned in, until he suddenly pulled me back. I would be lying if I said I was not disappointed, but I would respect this.
"Not like this Lola." He said quietly and I nodding feeling like I understood, but I do not actually know if I did.
Suddenly his eyes widened and I knew that look, that was the look he had when he had a revelation. When he had figured something out. He quickly got up and pulled out his phone.
"Morgan, Lola said something that made me think. This unsub is paranoid, she would not just leave the antidote in the lab in a weak disguise. She would put it somewhere no one would think to look for something like this. Go inside the house, look in the kitchen or in the livingroom, see if you can find a box that does not belong in there. There should be a vile of something in there."
"Got it. Hang in there kiddo." He said frantically clearly running into the house and rummaging through her things.
We waited a little while longer, and I threw up in the lab sink. I had gone into the next fase of the virus. This was not good, suddenly Morgan stood in front of the lab door. We got up and Morgan held up a small medical looking vile.
"I found it in a jewlerybox in the bedroom. Think this is it doc?" He said and Spencer nodded.
It looked right and it was the kind of place she would want to hide something like this. We were finally free. Spencer held my hand as we were helped out of the house we were stood in a plastic container thingy being hosed by two doctors in hazmatsuits. While Morgan looked at us concerned and talked to the team. He hung up and turned to us, he looked at us like a disappointed dad who was also just happy to see his kids were still alive.
"Go help Hotch Morgan, the rally will start soon, they need you more that we do to catch her." Spencer said and Morgan looked at me but I just nodded in agreement.
"I aint leaving you two. Got it? I am seeing you off to the hospital" He said and I sighed as the woman in the hazmat suit beside me told me what happened next and I looked over at Spencer who looked from me and to Morgan.
"Yeah… Well, we're about to get naked and that is gonna be awkward enough on its own without you watching as well. Besides, is that really something you wanna see." He said and Morgan looked at us horrified for a moment before shaking his head and nodding.
"Fine. Feel better, Reid, and you too Lola." He said walking away from us.
I looked at Spencer and sighed he did the same and with a little bit of dread. We slowly started removing our own wet clothes from our body. It was sticky but I got it off and covered myself up when I was allowed.
"This is really not how I saw us getting naked for the first time doc." I said trying to lighten the mood a little. Maybe it was the painkillers I had been given that were talking but I thought it was funny. Spencer accidentally looked at me when I said it and then back again, I started laughing. And he did too. It even made me forget for a second how awkward it felt standing there naked being hosed down by strangers as my friend stood beside me also naked doing the same thing.
The antidote we had found was off to the lab where it would be examined and tested of the more urgent patients. They had nothing to lose after all. If it was an antidote, me and Spencer would be administered it at the hospital.
We were transported to the hospital. I did not remember much after we were loaded in to the ambulance. I passed out I was exhausted, and coughing up blood. I tried to stay awake but I just could not keep my eyes open.
I woke up in a hospital bed, first blinking a few times trying to get used to the light, and then groaning a little at the beeping sounds from the monitors. After finally being able to see and think a little bit I looked around. I saw Spencer beside me in a hospital bed sitting with Morgan, both of them eating Jello.
"Hey, where is my Jello?" I asked in a hoarse voice, my throat sore, probably from coughing up blood earlier. They both turned their attention to me and smiled. Morgan even got up and sat between us.
"Look at you two, both kiddos are up. How you feeling girly?" He asked with his signature smirk and ruffled my hair, before sitting down on his chair.
"Not coughing up blood anymore. So I would say I am improving." I said sarcastically making him chuckle, trying to cover up how scared I had actually been today. There was a real chance I could have died today, and of course that was going to haunt me for a little while. I had been a lot in danger lately. I was just realising how much danger you truly were in with this job. It also occurred to me how little people I had left in my life.
"Good. We can't lose you you know? It is very difficult to find good CI's these days." Morgan said with a small smile and I shrugged and smiled a little as well. I knew he meant well.
A doctor came in and checked on us, and told Morgan we needed to rest and he was shown out.
"Dude, these pain meds are dope, sure we can't get more of those." I said giggling a few hours later, I was feeling whoosy, almost drunk, we had been sedated to help us sleep through the night, trauma prevention or something. I looked over at Spencer who had refused them and he chuckled at me and shook his head.
"Keep that up and you won't be conscious for much longer." He said, logical man as ever. I rolled my eyes at him and shrugged.
"You're missing out Doc, these are dope." I said lying down so I was facing him and he chuckled again, but he did turn to lie on his side as well so he was facing me, the same way I was facing him. He gave me this look that I did not recognise and I had no idea what to say to make him stop looking at me like that. I was a bit woosy and things just flew out of me at the moment. Sadly as soon as I thought of something, that could be the cause of his stupid brown eyes looking at me like that. I heard myself speaking again.
"What Spence? Sad you didn't get a good look earlier?" It flew out of me and I giggled a little once I realised what I had said. I was a little embarrassed and for a few moments, I did not dare look at the good doctor, knowing he was gonna laugh at me. As I heard it, I knew it sounded stupid and he would know that too. I finally looked up at him again, and instead of a big smile or laugh on his face he looked at me deadly serious. I looked at him confused.
"What?" I asked, suddenly feeling the need to be serious, but also feeling my eyes drooping, I guess I got my wish for more of those pain meds.
"You know, you're probably about to pass out from those meds, so I will answer honestly. It's not like you're gonna remember anyway." He said quietly, as my eyes kept shut, but I could somehow still hear him, or at least I was fighting to. I was confused and everything felt groggy so this was weird, but I wanted to hear what he had to say. It had to be important if he waited till I was half passed out from meds. Sadly no matter how hard I tried, I could not keep awake and I slipped into a sleep fighting to know what Spencer wanted to tell me.
The team continued to visit us as we recovered over the next few days. Everything with Spencer went back to normal, but sometimes before we would go to sleep he would give me this look, and I would get confused. And then I would turn away, too afraid to ask what was going on. I had been pretty out of it the last few days, hell since I got sick. So maybe I had said something wrong to him. Sadly he was recovering faster than me, he was getting out of the hospital tomorrow, I would need a few more days and a few more vaccines I needed to catch up on before I was allowed to leave this stupid hospital. I did not like hospitals, they reminded me of the infirmary, and even though I had not spent much time in there, the infirmary reminded me of prison.
It was our last night and the team wanted to make it special for Spencer, even brought cake, and stayed way past visiting hours. They had to, they had been out on a case and gotten back late at night. I was happy to see them all, I imagined that this must be what it was like to have a real family. Having people who visit you at the hospital. I mean Eddie had heard and sent a note saying he was missed me. But I could never go back to that life, we both knew that. I had gotten caught and I was on too many radars now. No one I knew before joining this team would be able to see me, ever. They could not even come to my funeral if it had come to that. We had a ritual, we would salute you, maybe uncle Eddie would even have brought out his good scotch. They would say salut and maybe un buena lardra, and then everyone would drink, and that would be it.
Rossi noticed me getting sad and walked over to the other side of the bed to have a moments privacy with me, away from all the spectacle.
"Hi Bambi, I know that look, what's wrong?" He asked calmly but still seemingly concerned which warmed my heart a little. I just gave him a small probably looking sadly smile and a shrug.
"I don't know. I just guess it kinda hit me that I could have died out there a few says ago. And no one besides the people in this room would come to my funeral. You guys mean a lot to me, and I knew what I got into when I accepted this deal." I said and he nodded listening to me talk, as a few tears welled up in my eyes.
"But isn't it a little sad? That no one whose known me growing up, no one from before I was 21 is gonna miss me? And you guys have lost a few colleagues already, you move on from them. I would be forgotten in what? 2 years?" I said thinking about how futile my existence seemed right now.
"Hey! We might move on, but we don't forget the people we lost, don't you dare think that. And I don't care how sad you think it is. I don't have family either, I made one here. Right now you're doubting because you had a scare, but trust me, when you get to my age, this family. The family that we chose. That is more than enough. No one is going to forget you." He said giving me a small hug.
I smiled a little into his chest, his words had truly comforted me. I smiled a little as he leaned back.
"We are a family here, and no family just forgets one of its members." He said and I smiled and nodded.
I did that silently letting him know I would be okay. He smiled and walked back towards the middle of the room, so that we could both socialise with the others again. Garcia showering me with little nick necks to remind me of her. Making me chuckle. She was sweet when she was concerned, even though Spencer and I had both told her we were gonna be fine.
Eventually they all left leaving me and Spencer, he rolled over and faced me but closed his eyes without a word but with a small smile on his face. I smiled a little at that, he looked peaceful and happy, not a look I had always seen on his face, so it was a nice change of pace.
A few minutes later he seemed to be fast asleep, I had to go to the bathroom. I got out of the bed and sneaked off to the bathroom to pee. I did not want to wake Spencer, mostly because he would tell the nurse or maybe be concerned for me. There was a risk I would get dizzy from the vaccines I had gotten, so I needed assistance when walking places. I thought it was a stupid rule. I had not gotten dizzy once these past few days, so clearly I was not gonna be. I did not want to wake Spencer, or alarm him or the nurses, so I thought it was best to just sneak out to pee and back in without them knowing.
I was drying my hands when I heard Spencer from the other side of the door. I faintly heard him say my name, and I rolled my eyes annoyed, he was probably worried about me. Which was stupid. I was fine, he should stop worrying and just let me be independent. I threw away the paper towel and unlocked the door, as soon as I opened and took a step forwards I was tackled by Spencer who hugged me and he let out a sigh.
"Can't get better if you're crushing me Spence." I said with a small chuckle he leaned back but kept hold of my shoulders.
"I thought you had run, or worse gotten up and fell or something bad had happened. I just woke up and you were gone and I just thought what if someone took you again. And-" He rambled on I smiled a little but grabbed his shoulder to make him stop talking and look at me.
"Spence. I just had to pee, and look, not dizzy, not fallen, not kidnapped, not running. I am fine. You need to stop worrying about me." I said with a smile and he just shrugged still not letting go of me, it kind of felt like he was afraid I would slip through his fingers if he did let me go.
"I'm sorry." He said and I just shrugged.
"It's fine. It's not like we're still in quarantine and you know where I am at all time." I said and he nodded, finally letting go of me but only stepping back a few steps leaving us standing there facing each other in our semi-lit hospital room.
"I have been thinking about something you said, or did. Or well. Tried to do while we were in solitary. I wanted to talk to you about it." He said looking at me he seemed a little nervous but tried to seem calm and relaxed I nodded and looked down for a moment, as I realised what he was talking about. But I gathered up courage and looked back at Spencer who was looking at me like I was a mystery he could not solve.
"That… Look, Spence. I am sorry, I thought I was going to die, and we were feverish and stupid. You were right when you said you didn't wanna kiss me." I said and he looked at me with furrowed eyebrows and an expression I did not know how to read.
"But I didn't say that. I said I would not do it like that." He said slowly recalling it, that damn photographic memory. However this confused me, I had no idea why he was saying that. I mean I could just be him correcting me with his perfect recollection, and I looked at his expression again and he looked at me as if trying to read my mind, like I was trying to read his.
"Like wha-." Before I could finish my question I was cut off by Spencer.
He quickly but somehow it felt like it was slowly too, grabbed my arm gently and pulled me towards him. He stopped and wrapped his arms around my waist and as we stood there face to face for a moment, I could feel his hot breath on my face, as we stood there for a moment, and he looked at me. He looked at me as if he was trying to read me again, seeing if I was going to protest to any of this. I should, this was my good friend and colleague who was holding me, in a way that should make me uncomfortable. But we were way past that. He clearly did not see anything he was looking for in my eyes. He moved again he quickly leaned down his face placing his lips on mine. I slowly closed my eyes and I know I was just a dumb CI and I should know that this would get the both of us in trouble. But something about him just made me forget everything around us.
Something inside me made me kiss him back, and as soon as I did I could feel his breathing relax. I might have worried him with this slight hesitation. However as soon as I kissed him back he truly wrapped his arms around me, and I put mine around his neck. It was weird and completely different from the nightclub, it was like some instinct just kicked in, and when we were kissing everything just felt so right. I pulled him closer to me, feeling his hands roaming and I tried to deepen the kiss even more. I never wanted this feeling to end, his tongue gently pushing against mine, rough yet gently kisses, I wanted all of him right now.
Sadly after a few moments, he pulled away, I gathered my breath and looked up at him. He cleared his throat and smiled at me awkwardly.
"We can't do this, there is a chance we're making each other sicker right now." He said. I sighed, hoping he would not say something so annoyingly logical at a moment like this.
He gave me one last awkward smile before letting his arms drop and he walked out of my grip and back to his hospital bed. I stood there for a moment, a little frozen still processing what the hell had just happened. As he got to his bed he turned to me and gave me this look, the same look, he had given me for a few nights as we were trying to go to sleep.
"For the record, I meant something like that." He said with a small smile before facing away from me and leaving me there with my thoughts for a moment.
Just then a nurse walked in and begun scolding me for leaving the bed and peeing without her, I was escorted back to my bed with a lifted finger and I almost chuckled a little.
"Imagine the kind of scolding we would have gotten, if she had come in here as we were making out. Huh Spence?" I said with a small smile, trying to lighten the tension I felt in this room. He gave me a small smile and nod before turning over to sleep on his other side. I sighed and did the same trying to think of what the hell all of this meant.