Chapter 32: Reflection Part 3(Lance's POV)
Lance sighs in frustration. How hard could it have been for him to take out the ship right then and there! Not too hard, but noooooo! Marinette wanted to make sure Allura wasn't going to get into trouble and to convince her that going after the ship is pointless if they don't know how to work their lions.
Which he agrees with, but honestly he would have shot that ship and taken it down easy peasy as he does know how to fire a laser.
But then Allura would be proving her point to deal with the enemy quickly, instead of trying to fight even bigger enemies than that lone ship. And Lance felt torn by this, Mariette and Allura both have great points.
And he should really get a grip on his emotions, first the engulfing sadness that has been with him since Shiro died and now the anger bubbling up with that sadness at the ship for firing at two people who weren't in the fight.
He's caught between them, like two elements battling each other within him.
It scares Lance, to know that sometimes he can become just as clouded with his emotions like Keith.
On instinct he immediately wanted to fire on the ship, but Marinette snapped dhim out of it. Lance looks down on his hands, he had willingly wanted to kill someone and the prospect of that makes him terrified.
It was like hsi feral side trying to get out of him, the side he kept in check. The side of himself that would do anything to prove that he is not useless, the side that just wants to make world pay for stripping him of his happy life on Earth and replacing it with a life of constant hardship, were nothing can be certain, the side that wants to avenge Shiro's death…
Did all it take for that side to come out was anger at hurting his friends when he is emotionally unstable and is on the verge of breaking.
Lance feels tears rolling down his cheeks, as he continues to stare at his hands.
'You're useless. No one wants you here, you're the weak link in the chain. Marinette should have replaced you instead!'
'No! Marinette cheered me up! There's no way she thinks of me as the weak link in Voltron!'
'No!' the voice hisses, 'She's just making you think that! In order for you to never want her position! Did you honestly think calling yourself the sharpshooter of Voltron was going to take everything away! Your insecurities and the fact that you are indeed useless!'
"No!" Lance shouts, tears falling down his face. "It's not true, not true at all! If that were the case they would've casted me out!"
'They only need you because you are the chosen one of Blue and Red. But they never regard you in any way. Never tell you you're good enough, or that you're special. Marinette has even succeeded you in crawling out of the shadows!'
Lance tears fall faster now, his head spinning. Is it really true, am I not that special?
He lunges forwards and grips the handle bars, tear's still rolling down his cheek. Holding tight, clinging depestaly to the handles to believe that he really isn't worthless that he does add value to the team. In doing so, the Red Lion glows, but Lance doesn't see it.
And when Lance finally opens his eyes, he jumps back, startled at the sight of the Red Lion towering over him.
The Lion moves closer to Lance, when the Lion stops their faces are almost touching.
"Lance, why are you so hard on yourself? Why do you let that insipid voice bog you down! You are my paladin! I chose you, not because Voltron needs a Red paladin but because you are a good pilot and have great strengths that will serve Marinette well as her right hand. You are no less important than me! Marinette will need a right hand that she can easily work with! Allura needs to be humble before I or Black can accept her as one of our paladins!"
"But I'm no one! I come from a family like everyone else! And I'm not that good of a pio…"
"Roooaaarrr! You are in every way talented! And you certainly aren't no one! You're just as good of a pilot as all my other Red Paladins! You have great strengths within you that complement Marinette's weaknesses! And Marinette complement's yours! Because eno one is truly perfect, my cub! Now go! And make me proud!"
Lance is shocked back into his chair, his blue eyes wide at just what happened. Red cares for me, she thinks I'm a good Red Paladin! His crying stops as he basks in the Red Lion's praise, never wanting to forget the renewed strength the lion has given him.
Author's Note: Pretty dark chapter for a moment huh? And yes, Red did indeed give Lance a confidence boost. As Lance is just a mess right now. And any of the other lions can indeed do that, drag their paladins into the Astral Plane to show them something or to inspire their paladins. Cause honestly I feel like that's what the Lion's would do if their paladins are at their lowest point. And I honestly wanted to explore Lance's insecurities, as in the show we never really see the depressed side of him. Also it's short because I did not to drag on how much I am making Lance hurt in this chapter.